I know you’re worried about access to airports. Good news: every airport in the world, especially those in the United States, serve as gateways to Hell. Where do you think Chili’s Too comes from? Who do you think trains TSA workers? It is especially easy to get from Hell to LaGuardia. Most people can’t even tell they’ve made the trip.

Turtles shagging on a runway at the John F Kennedy International Airport caused several flight delays.