532 Matching Annotations
  1. Jul 2020
  2. socialmediaadvertisingviews.weebly.com socialmediaadvertisingviews.weebly.com
    1. Many businesses have one and consumers follow them to hear special announcements, new products released, get discounts, or just to see what that t shirt you are about to order looks like on a model that is 100 times more attractive than us.

      These strike me as casual musings rather than a structured and informed argument.

  3. socialmediaadvertisingviews.weebly.com socialmediaadvertisingviews.weebly.com
    1. Throughout this website, I ask that you clear your mind,

      Direct appeals like this to the reader can be counterintuitive. Readers tend to resist explicit instruction.

    2. The normal day of an average young adult in America may consist of work or school, they may decide to watch television or go for a walk, but one thing that is almost guaranteed is the fact that young Americans go on some sort of social media every day.

      It would be so easy to sharpen this with an actual statistic or concrete detail rather than a vague description fo what most young people probably do. What's the new information here? Why would a reader be compelled by hearing something unspecific that they have already assumed to be true?

    1. So the feeling that someone gets when they're doing drugs is the same feeling you get when you're listening to music. Maybe not the same degree, but that could also be a plus of using music therapy.

      How could you restructure these sentences to better emphasize & streamline your point?

    2. especially those who suffer from painful illnesses and diseases that are unfortunately terminal or have no cure

      Give examples of the conditions you're most interested in studying.

    1. Due to sexism, both overt and covert, women often have more to overcome. Sexism is not a secret.

      Use sources to help establish the existence of the type of sexism you are concerned with. The conversational tone here feels unfocused.

  4. engl101wb112020.weebly.com engl101wb112020.weebly.com
    1. Comedy is everywhere for us! One of my favorite forms of comedy is stand-up. Like myself, many people experience standup comedy through a computer or tv screen on platforms like Netflix, Hulu, Youtube, or even through short clips on social media. Something I’ve realized while watching standup is that there seem to be far more male comedians than female comedians. This disparity has prompted my research as I look deeper into the reasons why that is. 

      This paragraph could easily have been written without any exposure or extended inquiry on the subject. How could you revise this to be more informative and distinct?

    1. This is a technical paper which goes into great detail on utilizing machine learning in advertising. It talks about the specifics of how a machine learning program will optimize target audiences for advertisements and also it talks about how effective the process is, and possible improvements for the future.

      Six readings were required.

    1. one of the primary ways that AI has impacted the advertising and marketing world is by processing all available data, and having the ability to create the ideal audience for your product or service that you can use to target in a variety of different ways. All of a sudden, we can start to parse and overlay data in ways that we just simply couldn’t do before. It isn’t just the creation of the audience, it is how AI is able to continuously evolve the audience based on actual performance, and expanding it to other segments that may share the same purchasing behavior.Provided that the campaign tracking is set up correctly, AI can quickly identify where the conversions are coming from, and seamlessly shift spend around to follow the audiences that are converting. In addition, you can automatically create similar audiences that share common attributes to your existing audiences which enables you to quickly scale these campaigns to reach more similar people that also have a great chance of converting.

      What happened here? This feels like the bare bones of a future argument.

  5. machlearnads.weebly.com machlearnads.weebly.com
    1. Lil Baby is accepted in mainstream American as one of the most popular African American rappers.

      Giving a clear sense of LB's success would help cement this claim.

    2. Hip-hop’s roots stems from rhyming games used in the fields of plantations during slavery. Enslaved workers would rhyme in metaphors to share oral history. These rhyming games became the oral history of the Black community

      Compelling details.

    1. A liberal viewing a liberally biased meme makes the meme even more liberally biased, whereas a conservative viewing a liberally biased meme finds a way to imagine an argument which makes liberals looks stupid.

      Great insight.

    1. HAHA, FUNNY MEME, RIGHT!?​Well, maybe not.Chances are if you are conservative you had a good chuckle but if you are liberal you felt annoyed or you thought it was stupid.​Why is this?The answer: enthymeme.

      Engaging intro.

    1. The healthier they are psychologically, less stress comes along with it.

      This seems to tacitly make the argument that everyone should strive to be average looking because average looking people enjoy the most stability. Do you see where that argument (or suggestion) contains a problem?

  6. lookbias.weebly.com lookbias.weebly.com
    1. many people feel pressured to fit into these unrealistic ideals from a young age.

      Supporting this with a statistic (and citing the source) would strengthen this.

    1. "The general election ads from the 2016 presidential campaign represented a referendum on each candidate’s character. And in this ad race, there were no winners. Both the Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump campaigns featured the takeaway message that their opponent is not fit to lead. Even though Trump won the election, he will face significant obstacles in reestablishing the credibility he needs to lead a very divided electorate. Fear and anger were the key emotions of TV ads from both campaigns and two Super PACS. Trump must now find a way to mitigate national anxieties in the wake of a polarizing election." (UMD PARC Research Team, The Conversation)

      These are notes that constitute a VERY rough sketch for an argument.

    2. GOLDSTEIN, KENNETH, AND TRAVIS N. RIDOUT. “MEASURING THE EFFECTS OF TELEVISED POLITICAL ADVERTISING IN THE UNITED STATES.” ANNUAL REVIEW OF POLITICAL SCIENCE, VOL. 7, NO. 1, 17 MAY 2004, PP. 205–226, 10.1146/ANNUREV.POLISCI.7.012003.104820. ACCESSED 27 JULY 2019.

      These sources should be summarized.

    3. and experts Lynda Lee Kaid and Christina Holtz Batcha write extensively on this topic

      Positioning the information this way makes it seem as though these two things are equally weighted - do you see why?

  7. Jun 2020
    1. Smart, F. Gertrude. “The Effect of Music on Thoracic Breathing.” Psychological Bulletin, vol. 4, no. 5, 1907, pp. 142–142., doi:10.1037/h0064662.

      These sources should be annotated with brief summaries.

    1. Take into account the previous statements about the effects of music, and you have an idea with lots of potential behind it.

      Very watery claim.

    2. And when it comes to exercise, the phrase “mind over matter” is one that comes up more often than not,

      Remember the logical fallacies lesson. While there is some truth in platitudes, they have very little (or even negative) value in argumentative reasoning.

  8. diversenarratives.weebly.com diversenarratives.weebly.com
    1. can rewrite their authentic narratives.

      A slight rephrasing could work well here - "can rewrite the accepted narratives from their own points of view."

  9. diversenarratives.weebly.com diversenarratives.weebly.com
    1. They can capture moments and scenes from history that can tell stories that will change the world. Overall, African Americans can utilize photography and other forms of art and media to convey their messages for the world and show that these issues of inequality need to be addressed now, so more innocent lives are not lost. 

      This is a strong, informative page, but starting with slavery (rather than in a slightly more specific place - images associated with slavery) feels a little far afield - it forces you to cover quite a bit of ground in this overview.

    2. the institution remained vital to the south,

      The word "vital" is likely to cause offense, because it favors the vitality of the white economy/agriculture over the vitality of the enslaved. How could you amend this?

    3. some historians estimated that 6 to 7 million enslaved people were imported to the New World during the 18th century alone

      You haven't done anything to substantiate the previous sentence's claim that racism preceded North American slavery. Think of the known-new contract - this subtly affects your credibility.

  10. notthewholepicture.wixsite.com notthewholepicture.wixsite.com
    1. Whether looking into a dating profile, or "catching up" with an old friend, nearly obsessive research into a person has become a widely accepted and used practice.

      Has this type of stalking been quantified?

    2. Although there are several unfolding benefits to these platforms:

      Confusing phrasing. Try an active verb: "Although these platforms offer benefits: easier/free.."

    3. Social media has arguably, though, shifted in definition most drastically within the last two decades.

      Imprecise way to describe this. You could say, rather, that we only recently began using the term, or that it has taken on a more specific meaning since the advent of these platforms.

    4. Social media has arguably always existed: “The very term 'media' suggests a connection or mediation, which is an inherently relational conception. But, on this basis, scholars argue that so-called 'social' media have always existed, since technology such as the telegraph, telephone, and personal computer allow for social interaction”

      Surprising and effective way to open.

  11. ryansstudentblog.weebly.com ryansstudentblog.weebly.com
  12. ryansstudentblog.weebly.com ryansstudentblog.weebly.com
    1. While a much more extreme example than failing a test, the point is, if you are learning, distractions are bad. 

      I like the efficiency and clarity of this paragraph.

  13. anglesandperception.weebly.com anglesandperception.weebly.com
  14. anglesandperception.weebly.com anglesandperception.weebly.com
    1. The mass spread of misinformation, often called fake news, is one downfall to everybody having access to cameras and the internet. People are able to manipulate and edit their photos to make them seem like they are something they’re not. Fake news is frequently spread during political campaigns when people are trying to get individuals to vote for them and candidates are trying to “dig up dirt” on their opponents. In a video called “The Language of Photography” they talk about how hard it is to capture the truth in photos. The hosts talk about one specific photo that was seen around the world of a boy being taken from his family. It looked like the officer was pointing his gun at the boy with his hand on the trigger. But in reality, the hosts state, “If you look very closely at that image, the finger was not on the trigger, the gun was not pointed at that boy, but there’s a situation where the camera lied, basically” (Nikpour). This is just one example of how photos can be not only perceived the wrong way by viewers, but also used to spread misinformation about a situation for which we only have a snapshot.

      This moves into very interesting territory, but the link to your central subject is a little rickety. How could you strengthen that connection?

  15. anglesandperception.weebly.com anglesandperception.weebly.com
    1. “As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder” (Pickard-Jones). Our own personal biases can play a role in how we see things and therefore how we perceive things. An individual’s conscious or unconscious bias plays a role in how they will perceive an image. When looking at either an image or object, our brain uses visual clues to figure out what we are looking at and creates an interpretation of the item in our mind (Pickard-Jones). This is why people often perceive things differently and have different memories from one another of the same scenario. An individual's culture, upbringing, and beliefs will all affect the way they view others and experiences of all types. Two people can listen to the same news report and interpret the message very differently based on their personal biases and perceptions. The same is true in how an image or video is interpreted.

      Excellent paragraph!

  16. anglesandperception.weebly.com anglesandperception.weebly.com
    1. For example, in the movie Moana, there is a scene where Moana finds out her ancestors were voyagers. The movie cuts to a wide clip angled up so you are looking at all of the boats and the voyagers. This angle makes you feel like you are there with the boats, exploring with them.

      This deviates from the subject of photography, though.

    2. When you look at a photo, it makes you feel something. It may make you feel sad, happy, calm, stressed, angry, or any other emotion.

      This would be more engaging if you delivered a specific moment. "When you look at a photo of X, it might make you feel Y".

  17. photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com
  18. photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com
    1. On the other hand, it is possible to spot a person struggling with depression or anxiety through a photograph. The person may look uncomfortable or attempt to make themselves smaller to not draw attention.

      These statements would be stronger if they used sources.

    2. This sounds like an outlandish correlation but if you think deeply about the concept it makes sense.

      It won't strike many readers as outlandish. How could you soften this phrasing?

  19. photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com photographyandmentalhealth.weebly.com
    1. We should thank our lucky stars we are able to freely express ourselves because it was not always this easy.

      This feels like an oversimplification. While expression is much more open today, it is not always "free" - stigmas & consequences remain.

  20. humorasatool.weebly.com humorasatool.weebly.com
    1. I believe this would decrease depressions and frustration across our society.  

      One person's belief has very little credibility, so this is a pretty weak claim. How could you strengthen it?

    2. No matter where someone is in life or where they believe they are going there is going to be adversity along the way. How they deal with that adversity is going to have long term effects on them. Creating the habit of finding the humor in a bad situation allows a person to remain positive through that scenario. This is something that can be taken with them for the rest of their lives, across countless situations. But it is something that needs to be worked on and reinforced at every opportunity.

      This is all true enough, but it's quite vague.

    3. The platoon did this after every successful engagement, treating the debriefs as a chalk talk after a football game, effectively allowing them to consistently engage the enemy and never lose their humanity through their deployment. 

      Strong ending! You are a natural storyteller.

    4. Human Research & Engineering Directorate, Army Medical Department Field Element, Ft. Sam Houston Tx

      In a non-academic text, no need to get into quite this level of detail.

    5. The use of dark humor by those who are consistently exposed to extreme stress is effective in compartmentalizing and coping with the stress they experience. 

      Odd spacing here.

    1. The platoon did this after every successful engagement, treating the debriefs as a chalk talk after a football game, effectively allowing them to consistently engage the enemy and never lose their humanity through their deployment. 

      Strong ending! You're a natural storyteller.

    2. Army Research Laboratory, Human Research & Engineering Directorate, Army Medical Department Field Element, Ft. Sam Houston Tx

      For a non-academic piece of writing, it's not necessary to give this much detail.

    3. The use of dark humor by those who are consistently exposed to extreme stress is effective in compartmentalizing and coping with the stress they experience. 

      Odd spacing here.

  21. Apr 2020
    1. The trail is wide enough

      I love this image with this text. Each time I return to it, I feel comforted. It's very efficient in creating a textual "space."

    2. 5. Ask yourself, Do I love? I have thought this many times before and the answer is, no. For me to love there would be feelings left of former embraces or relations. These feelings are absent. Gone from a larger portion of my life than I am willing to go back and tell. Do you Love?

      I love the surprise of this moment, the conversational nature. It's a nice intrusion.

    3. As far as I am concerned, it was not your name. I tried. Call it my curiosity.

      Is this a memory lapse? Not sure where this confusion is rooted.

  22. activistphotography.weebly.com activistphotography.weebly.com
    1. Why Is This Relevant? Social Media​Today social media has made activist photography available to almost everyone and it has taken on a new art form responsible for sharing ideas across the world. It is much easier to log into Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc and see what different photographers stand for and believe in as well as to see the issues rising around the world and what we could possibly do to make a difference.Trayler-Smith (@abbiets): Covered Darfur conflict, Indian Ocean tsunami, and Iraq WarAdriana Zehbrauskas (@adrianazehbraskas): Covers climate change and underreported communities in Latin AmericaMatt Black (@mattblack_blackmatt): Covers poverty in AmericaNepal Photo Project (@nepalphotoproject): Covers the recovery efforts after theNepal earthquake2020 Presidential Elections​​2020 presidential elections are quickly approaching and the candidates want to do anything in their power to gain support. They are able to release photographs of them selves promoting different societal issues they agree with which will gain more voters in their campaign.Current Issues​Activist photography can promote the controversial issues of:Climate ChangeGun SafetyFreedom of SpeechHealth Care Summary Carte-des-visites: Small photographs used in 19th century to promote anti-slavery movementPhotograph Propaganda: Photos used to promote or expose a certain political viewUsed in wars:Convinced people to help in the warConvinced people who to fight forShowed people back home what war looked likeToday, photography is still used to connect people to struggles around the world they are not able to see everyday

      It's odd to receive this information as an outline. Is this page unfinished?

  23. musicsgreatermeaning.weebly.com musicsgreatermeaning.weebly.com
  24. musicsgreatermeaning.weebly.com musicsgreatermeaning.weebly.com
    1. This section will be titled ”Healing Through Listening”.Next I will argue that the use of headphones is hurting us socially and as a society overall. This section will be titled “Plugged in Society”.Finally I will be arguing that the use of headphones is very dangerous to our brain. This section will be titled “”.

      No need to go into all of this, it's not very interesting. Better to summarize the overall scope of the site.

    2. A great deal of time has passed since then, and technology has improved significantly.

      Think of the known-new contract - what's the new, surprising piece of information here?

    3. Ever since humans walked the earth music has been a big part of our culture. We have learned about this in our history books, seen it in museums, and even grew up listening to all sorts of music. Studying music, and how music affects us is nothing new.

      None of this is very informed or informative. It reads like filler. Start in a specific place.

  25. allmusicevolution.weebly.com allmusicevolution.weebly.com
    1. Being around that long, it has surely changed in many ways

      How could you restate this in a way that makes use of the intensive reading & research you've done? This doesn't sound like it's coming from a richly informed perspective.

    1. An increasing number of Americans are growing more fond of the idea of legislating that hate speech has no place,

      Substantiate this with evidence.

  26. music4mentalhealth.weebly.com music4mentalhealth.weebly.com
  27. diamondmiller.weebly.com diamondmiller.weebly.com
    1. our specific focus on satire using humor has been used by Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator. Currently it continues to be featured as a large contributor to political discourse with the well-known example of late-night talk shows and using it as one of the tools of humorous critique.

      This is a bit confusing. You're using complex language to describe a simple idea. Clarify.

  28. evolutionofhumor.weebly.com evolutionofhumor.weebly.com
    1. Very interesting idea, but does it work the other way around, or does it only work one way? You use terms such as “men” and “women” rather than just “people”. Are you saying that according to this theory humor is only used by men in order to attract women, and it is never the other way around?

      My thoughts exactly, McGregor :)

  29. igonlineforum.weebly.com igonlineforum.weebly.com
    1. For those who see the Cyberbullying taking place.

      Stronger headline here - "Cyberbullying: Who's Responsible?" or "The Bystander's Role in Cyberbullying" would work well, for example.

  30. rachaelbussanich.weebly.com rachaelbussanich.weebly.com
  31. audiencesandimages.weebly.com audiencesandimages.weebly.com
  32. weneedmusicedu.weebly.com weneedmusicedu.weebly.com
    1. Music has been apart of many children's lives.

      Too broad. You could combine this idea with the next sentence & come up with something much sharper.

  33. intonationaccuracy.weebly.com intonationaccuracy.weebly.com
  34. Dec 2019
  35. Nov 2019
    1. “Block has a list of questions that she aims to cover with sick patients in the time before decisions have to be made: What do they understand their prognosis to be, what are their concerns about what lies ahead, what kinds of trade-offs are they willing to make, how do they want to spend their time if their health worsens, who do they want to make decisions if they can’t? A decade”

      What happened here?

  36. publichealtheolhealthcare.weebly.com publichealtheolhealthcare.weebly.com
    1. The cool thing about this was the fact that he was African American, and there weren't many African American comedians at this time.

      Sounds unpolished -- like an afterthought.

    2. When stand-up comedy first began, the jokes or skits made were unlike the jokes nowadays.

      Be more specific. "The first standup comedians commonly joked about [x, y]."

  37. eng101onlineforum.weebly.com eng101onlineforum.weebly.com
  38. eng101onlineforum.weebly.com eng101onlineforum.weebly.com
  39. eng101onlineforum.weebly.com eng101onlineforum.weebly.com
  40. hyperloopflamm101.weebly.com hyperloopflamm101.weebly.com
    1. Will it be plausible to implement in New York to connect to Chicago or is there too much private land that will get in the way of the tube?

      Goood question.

    1. There is no relevant info underneath is Brief History blurb. The website would not let me remove strange food related background pictures from the bottom of this page. Do not read past this disclaimer.

      Weird, but well handled :)

    1. when the internet because more popularized and it was common for most people to use it. The first true spread of internet memes began in the late 2000’s as social media began to gain popularity and the usage of memes have increased greatly since then.

      Is it possible to offer a more exacting timeline?

  41. clinicalmusictherapy.weebly.com clinicalmusictherapy.weebly.com
    1. one safe assumption that can be made is that music therapy is only beneficial to those suffering from depression.

      This is not necessarily accurate - there could be other reasons why the studies are limited to depression (funding sources, research is MOST promising there so it's easier to get clearance to study it, etc.).

    2. Music therapy has been studied quite a bit, and almost all the studies are centered around music therapies’ benefits for depression.

      Good start.

    1. these artists out of poverty and into a new life,

      Give examples and don't generalize. This could offend - the notion/assumption that all rap artists come from poverty.

  42. slee07149.wixsite.com slee07149.wixsite.com
    1. This is of course an oversimplification of a complex issue, but the basic concept holds true. As Northridge and Sclar put it in a 2003 article in the American Public Health Journal, “urban planners apply the knowledge of social science and urban design at the intersection at which the physical environment meets the social environment.”

      Great writing style here - you're comfortable with complexity.

    2. How much do these fields overlap? What is the potential for collaboration between them to help solve modern problems?

      Well articulated questions.

    1. expected to adopt the democratic view on global warming

      This feels a bit misleading - there is very strong scientific consensus on climate change.

  43. teenagersandmusic.weebly.com teenagersandmusic.weebly.com
  44. socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com
  45. socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com
  46. socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com
    1. But the main point of this site isn't to tell you about the how much money these sites are saving, the central focus is on how the recent advancements to social media and technology has allowed for so much more exposure to music for all listeners.

      No need for the argument to drift to the agenda of the entire site - stay with this particular argument.

  47. socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com socialmediaspoweronmusic.weebly.com
    1. This is a very strong quote from Greg Giraldo, a Harvard Law School graduate turned comic who hosts Comedy Central’s Friday Night with Greg Giraldo show.

      I like this quote, but it needs to be combined with other types of evidence. One person's viewpoint is not enough to fill out an argument.

    2. Comedy has seen huge growth and change from ancient Greece, to today's Comedy.

      You repeat the word "comedy" far too often. Combine sentences, cut redundancies, and vary your language.