provide proof of UX research?

voice in public or private?

Aren't these just clusters on a network graph? We need to adjust edges in order to see clusters, so is this something we just see or is it something we make?

Is this Peer Reviewed?

excellent construction.

begin with an image across the top here.

this is really good towards the end, I would just insert some more images towards the front of the exhibit as well.

you want a works cited at the end.

Good clear caption.

begin this exhibit with an image.

Be specific with what cultures have been neglected.

ensure you have references and create a works cited here.

name the monument in the beginning of the paragraph.

You probably want an image at the top, you want this to feel like there are images driving the exhibit.

make sure that all your facts/references have in-text citations,

you want an in-text citation for this statistic.

this sentence feels better as a second sentence rather than a first. Place something a little more general here.

You want to have a brief "end" here that ties everything together.

activate this link

Another good place for an image

excellent use of headers.

another image here.

However, even today, some of these groups attempt to revive their culture and regain their identity through these monuments.

needs more images.

Reviving the Culture that was Once Ignored: US, Australian, Japanese conceptions of indiginaity. .

US, Australian, Japanese indigenous people

Title– Do they have one? Is it a catchy title? Does it make you want to read/look more? I don't see a title or any context that tells me what this will be a fanfiction of. Make sure you provide some context in either images or text/audio.

Content Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the images? I think the commentary is clear, but I am not sure how it relates to the source text, without knowing that it is difficult to know what the commentary is. Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the text? I am unclear of what is going on here. Try to frame your points with topic sentences. Does it offer a clear story/narrative? no. Does it clearly describe or imply what the project sets out to do? The project seems to complicate notions of race.

Title– Do they have one? Is it a catchy title? Does it make you want to read/look more? I think you want to think about audience here. I would incorporate some sort of gesture to sleeping beauty, so you have more people understanding what you are trying to do.

Content Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the images? Pretty clear. I would probably do the sleeping beauty image towards the front and again towards the end.

Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the text? I think the commentary might be a little on the nose. Try to think about the depictions of sleeping beauty and the genre conventions of apocalyptic literature.

Does it offer a clear story/narrative? yes.

Does it clearly describe or imply what the project sets out to do? I think maybe a little context on why retelling this story will do..

What could this student do to improve this section (and “nothing, it’s fine” is not a very helpful answer). A little more framing and sleeping beauty earlier.

Images/Media—Do they include media or do they have a plan for what media they are using? How does the media help the argument/commentary? Is there opportunity to incorporate additional media? The media looks great! Where did you get it from?

Title– Do they have one? Is it a catchy title? Does it make you want to read/look more? I think there is an opportunity to make a punchier/creative title. Right now, it is pretty descriptive and most readers already know Thor is based on Norse Mythology. Try to make incorporate loki in the title?

Content Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the images? Yes, but I think you can switch the 3rd and 4th points. It would flow a little better that way. Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the text? Yes, but I think there might be too many things going on here. Maybe just focus on economics and fanfiction. Does it offer a clear story/narrative? yes, but try to use less text in your images, let them be contextualized with your voice. Does it clearly describe or imply what the project sets out to do?yes! What could this student do to improve this section (and “nothing, it’s fine” is not a very helpful answer). Switch 3/4 points and add in some more fanfiction elements.

Really nice points here, you want to be careful that you aren't just telling us your opinion, but rather presenting texts and citations to show us how you came to your conclusions. I would like to see the text at the front, tell us a story first, then unpack it.

Title– Do they have one? Is it a catchy title? Does it make you want to read/look more? -Very descriptive title! I think when you do the video, make the subtitle smaller, so we get the punchy title prominently.

Content Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the images? Yes, very clear. The second image could use some sort of identifier on it, but other than that it is clear.

Does it offer a clear story/narrative? - It seems like this is going to be a piece on showing the lack of LGBTQ+ representation in canonical texts, but I think you need to provide the example (Avengers slide) first, so we are familiar with the ways representation fails.

Does it clearly describe or imply what the project sets out to do? -Yes, try to use less text heavy images, but try to incorporate more purely visual aspects.

What could this student do to improve this section (and “nothing, it’s fine” is not a very helpful answer). - Maybe find another example of bad LGBTQ+ representation.

Images/Media Do they include media or do they have a plan for what media they are using? Yes!

How does the media help the argument/commentary? - Is there opportunity to incorporate additional media? I think there is an opportunity to include more images and less text heavy screenshots.

STORYBOARD #2 • Title – Star Wars Warlords • This title gets audiences straight into the mindset of this fanfiction and what it will entail. It is a sweet and concise title that will interest audiences who are fans of Star Wars.

• Content • This fanfiction has exceptional knowledge of the Star Wars universe as it creates a new storyline. There is sufficient and detailed content to draw audiences in as the student addresses the dilemma our main character will face. Additionally, this student has gone above-and-beyond in their content as they have detailed the timeline of the story and the events that we will observe. Lastly, the content appears to have an identifiable thesis as the main character seeks to reunite the Empire through a clear storyline. I do not have any suggestions for this student as they appear to have enough topic points in their fanfiction.

• Images/Media • This student appears to use media to showcase the environments and events we would see if this were a movie or fanfiction comic. The images appear to be used more for their Star Wars qualities and the environments rather than matching the actual storyline of this fanfiction. Regardless, the pictures reveal the situations our main character will face along this new storyline.

TOP THREE SUGGESTIONS

1. In reference to the video project, if this student is creating a trailer for their upcoming fanfiction I would suggest cutting back on some content as audiences may not be willing to watch a 5 minute plus trailer for a new Star Wars Fanfiction
2. The content is great within this fanfiction, but I would suggest the student focus on concise sentences and potentially cutting back on some story topics to leave audiences wanting more.
3. My last suggestion is to incorporate Star Wars theme music throughout the video, and potentially add sounds of war in the background, to immerse audiences and to bring back the nostalgia of Star Wars and the famous movies we all remember.

STORYBOARD #8 • Title – The Phoenix Queen: An Avatar the Last Airbender Fanfiction • This is an interesting and catchy title, but I did not initially believe it to be related to Avatar: The Last Airbender without reading the information after the title. Nonetheless, The Phoenix Queen title draws curiosity and spurs ones imagination of what this story is about.

• Content • This is a new fanfiction story that is being created. This is identifiable as there is a new storyline within Avatar: The Last Airbender, in which the Avatar has been reincarnated into a woman who is a firebender. This is easily identifiable and understood, and the introduction of this new fact is compelling as the imagery used tells a story. The narrative is clear and concise as I am hoping to learn more about this new fanfiction. Ultimately, this project seeks to tell the story of the new Avatar, Jin, and her journey to destroy the fire nation and restore the balance of the world. I do not believe this student can do more as this fanfiction has already grasped my attention, and the framing of the scenes is done exceptionally well. I would add that the student should implement dramatic music, potentially used from the actual Avatar series, to create an emotional and physical response among audiences.

• Images/Media • This student does have a plan for the media that they are using, and I assume it will be a video rather than still images. The media does help their story as it reveals past events that have already occurred, and connect them to the new storyline that is being developed as Jin is the new Avatar. I do not believe anymore media is necessary as the structure of these clips/media is done well.

TOP THREE SUGGESTIONS

1. The general structure and topics of this fanfiction are exceptional, but I hope and suggest that the narrator elaborate more on the video project.
2. Additionally, if the student does not want to elaborate more topic points covered in the video, I suggest creating more topics as the video appears to be a short, sub minute trailer.
3. The second to last slide, the one describing Sozin, preferably have that as a video clip of Sozin and have the narrator describe him rather than a clip description.

Title: Us vs Them

link this to the sentence before a little more.

make sure you have a works cited section.

." also missing citation

How so? Explain this a little more.

Avoid beginning one sentence with the same word you ended the sentence before.

you are paraphrasing here, so you want to make sure you have a citation here.

be careful about your wording. do you want to use ill and illness together?

Good!!

LOVE THIS!

try to relate technology back to this before you go to the next paragraph.

The way this sentence is constructed is a little unclear what "it" is. Try to clarify this a little.

I love this perspective!

nice point.

good analysis.

citation

You need to make an in-text citation here. Also it should be ,"

we know that from the first part, but what new information can you give us here?

good.

the construction here reads a little funky, try to name the three terms in the beginning of the sentence and rearrange.

try not to begin each sentence here with Kleinman. Also it should be Kleinman not Klienman.

try to rephrase this, it reads a little clunky.

move this next to the quote.

,"

,"

,"

,"

I would just name those concepts here.

For this assignment, you don't need to put this header in here. Just your name works for me!

Good. I would just try to tie it all up.

Good.

You are repeating the same line as your first paragraph essentially, try to create a different sentence here.

,"

Good analysis.

,"

Missing in-text citation here.

The construction here is a little confusing. I think you mean to say "Kleinman's "illness" can be defined as a subjective lived experience of a disorder, an example of which would be the inability to express oneself through art after losing an arm."

."

,"

Even if you are paraphrasing, you want to make sure that you are providing page numbers

I don't think this is a complete definition. I don't think you need this part in your response or I would just expand on it if you keep it there.

what exactly?

Be careful about using "this" to begin sentences, especially two in a row, which makes it hard to follow.

Good analogy!

try to be consistent with how you refer to Mairs' work.

a direct quote would help you here.

Good analysis.

what do you mean by honest tone? Explain that a little more.

Mairs'

i would just say story or piece

for the reading responses, you can just give me your name at the top

Good.

interesting, why do you say that? Is it the narrative perspective? The way time works? The dialogue? I want to hear more!

It is John Berger

I just need your name on the reading responses!

Good!

Good.

make sure you don't begin two sentences in a row with the same word.

excellent paragraph.

Good.

You want to use the full name the first time you talk about an author.

do you think this is fair?

do you think this is social death or something else?

nice.

Good!

Try to vary the beginnings of your sentences.

I like that phrasing!

Good!

excellent!

Good.

doctor's

excellent way to bring the class into the response!

this part?

you still want to do an in-text citation when you are paraphrasing.

Sam, you don't need to have this header for the reading response.

Excellent

Good way to tie this back to another piece!

good!

the phrasing here could use some rearranging.

Good!

You want to make sure you capture a citation for this quote. Also, unless you are working with all the language in this quote, I would shorten it using ...

good phrasing!

Good!

This seems like an abrupt turn, try to transition into this "conclusion" portion a little stronger.

would you say that it abstracts and obscures from a personal experience? how does language do that exactly?

good. make sure you quote and cite this as well.

Good.

It is helpful just to put a page number here (I know you say opening image), but you want to abide by MLA formatting, even when paraphrasing.

try to be a little more specific here.

interesting turn! I would also like to see you relate some of the class discussion to this as well.

insightful.

Excellent point.

You want an end citation here. Let me know if you need help on understanding how to do this.

give us a preview of why it is so shocking (1-2 words here)

page#

Even when you are paraphrasing, you want to provide page numbers in an in-text citation format.

Excellent way to tie in the class concepts to your analysis.

when you pull up a dictionary, you want to use the Oxford English dictionary, since it is the more scholarly source.

Good point.

Good!

You tend to use "this" a lot to begin sentences in this first part. Try to vary this up. You can do it by interacting with the quotes. When you are quoting, you want to interact with the language. Like you do with the "story." The first quote you can just paraphrase and summarize, since you aren't using the language of the quote itself.

Thank you for doing this! For these responses, you don't need to format it like this. Just provide your name!

Really good point.

."

Excellent!

Good!

interesting! Please expand on what you mean here.

."

Good.

Go back to the text here to make your point. The two "There is a" in these two sentences makes it feel like it is you talking, not you talking through Frank. You want to go back to the text so the response doesn't feel like you are writing an opinion piece.

interesting!

reading,

I would just briefly list 2 or 3 of these variations

what do you think about athletes that take on a coaching role when they get hurt?

Could we say that material is more temporary/surface, and the meaning of illness is more permanent and human?

one could also argue that separating these terms could potentially prioritize one over another. How do you think we could prevent this from happening?

Good.

i would use semicolons to more clearly designate that this is a list of three different examples.

Good first post. You really were able to tie your analysis together at the end. In the beginning, there were a few confusing phrases and unclear analysis.

Got it! Nice.

Good!

You want to include the page number here, so your reader can find the quote easily.

Good!

you say story in the first paragraph, just be consistent throughout.

I am not sure what you are saying here. She isn't in denial and she identifies key issues? What are those issues?

also?

I don't follow here. Is she complex because she is feeling two different things?

use a quote from the text instead here.

she

awareness? Not sure what you are saying here.

Mair clearly tells

why is this important to the story and to the class?

Italicize the title here.

this concept? this characteristic? Try to be a little more specific here.

Why do you think this is the case? How does trauma make us stronger?

excellent end.

you want to indicate which sources are your images and which are the textual ones.

word this a little better.

Good point, but bring it back to your thesis. Thread your argument through here.

thread your idea of a museum through here.

Good.

I feel like you need a stronger transition between the first section and this, it feels a little out of nowhere.

This is an area for a good "they say" so this doesn't feel too opinionated.

you might want to use the estimates from slave voyages here. Whenever you can, be specific.

Good.

avoid, unc urls. the doi is all you need.

The map should also be an image. You want to make sure ALL of your images have a citation.

the image is not cited and extremely blurry.

include a "they say" here or the piece starts to feel a little too opinionated.

provide a more specific example here.

in-text citation.

get the right title here, it is Zong!

What image is this? It is blurry and I can't see anything.

quote? I think if you are paraphrasing, the language is too close to Johnson's own.

Try to find an academic source for this, not an encyclopedia, which is a popular source.

Americas

where did this come from? why are you quoting?

where was your image citations?

is this a quote? Or this a paraphrase? The language is a little too close to the original.

You do not want your main source here to be an encyclopedia.

use the journal's website. You are also missing the journal information.

Where is this source from?

Good.

provide examples.

You still want to cite all the images, and let us know where you got them from

Where are your image citations?

Use this from the original source, the book.

this citation is missing some information.