This is
This___
This is
This___
Applications
you want to cite the map
BBC News Chinese
if there is no author, do not use the source.
Conclusively
how so? I don't think it is conclusively.
Conclusion
you need to cite this map as well.
For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum
Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.
For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum
Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.
For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum
Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.
as."
Where is the citation?
Archaeologists found many wrecked slavery ships near Cape Town, which also makes it a perfect location for the memorial. Because items and artifacts salvaged from those ships can be directly displayed in the museum in Cape Town
Where did this come from? No citation
Middle Passage of the Southwest Indian Ocean: A Century of Forced Immigration From Africa to the Cape of Good Hope:
Is this a book? Then italics. If it is an article the title should be quoted.
The humanization of memorials to the Middle Passage are just as, if not more important than numerical data.
ok, but how does this relate to your thesis and port markers? Bring us back to the start.
Markup Bodies,
Full title here and make sure it is quoted.
combination of numerical data
ok, but I am interested how.
How do you balance these two things? You can't just say, I will use both.
memorials to atrocities that the United States has committed are few and far between.
really? Where is your proof?
.”
no period here.
These memorials would not refer to the enslaved people as ‘slaves,’ they would be referred to as people who were wrongly taken from their homes and forced into conditions that dehumanized them.
so what word or words would you use instead?
s’.
."
he true intentions of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade will be impossible to gloss over and ignore
I don't follow how this logically follows, I think you need to explain more.
Works Cited
Where are your image citations?
because they received the highest amount of enslaved people in North America.
Where is the citation here? How do you know this?
s.
no period here.
heir memory.
how is memory linked to all of this, tie this up a little more.
This
This__ should
Seabed
explain how this image relates back to your section
Hall concludes that without reminders like these, we will stay ignorant and make the same mistakes instead of learning from the past.
missing citation here.
he states this to establish that we will “wallow” and “revel” in our own ignorance while striving for personal fulfillment if we stop remembering the dead; which, is what she means by mentioning the “last-man so feared by Nietzsche”.
I still don't follow. Also, where is the in-text citation? Page #?
Remembrance
What does Arlington Cemetery image have to do with the middle passage?
”.
in-text citation?
This is because it is where the majority of the deaths occurred.
Didn't you already say this? What is your thesis and how does this paragraph relate back to it?
All Voyages Deaths,
This is not all the deaths, you say it is the vast majority.
map
I did not see a citation for this that talked about Bucknell? And is it called BucknellGIS?
we lost (xv).
Good. But relate this back to your thesis.
Their resting place is in the middle of the Atlantic, meaning it is impossible to build a traditional graveyard for these people; which is why they need a protected stretch of seabed dedicated to their suffering and death
Good. I don't think you need the first few sentences before this, you are basically saying the same point again here.
most important action.
why? provide some reasons and proof to back this up.
Since their death place
place of death?
Although many people believe that putting memorials for the enslaves on the ship ports is the most appropriate
enslaved people? who would think this? Point to the port markers project.
I say
you do not need to say "I say" here. Save it for the times when you are making your thesis or a stronger point.
Innocent African natives were stolen from their homeland, families were separated and a whole race of human beings were dehumanized
Give a context of time and approximately how many people.
https://www.encyclopediavirginia.org/slave_ships_and_the_middle_passage
this is a part of an encyclopedia, make sure it is noted in the citation.
http://abolition.nypl.org/essays/us_slave_trade/3/
this citation is a little incomplete. It is a part of the New York Public Library.
A memoria
you end the section before with the same type of sentence construction. Try to make this construction a little different.
slave trade
missing in-text citation.
Two of the United States
give this more context in the first section, this seems to be separate from the sections before.
he Zong. In 1781 The Zong
this construction seems a little awkward. You want to either combine the sentences or structure them differently.
ithout a human e
I want a clearer thesis in this section.
This illustration of how many people were forced to fit on one ship might give the viewer an idea of how uncomfortable it was, better than looking at numbers and data are able to.
you want to rearrange the order of the sentence to earlier in the paragraph.
Data and numbers can help us to start processing this information,
how so? I don't think you have made this point before, you will need to contextualize it.
https://blog.richmond.edu/livesofmaps/2014/11/11/map-of-the-week-slave-trade-from-africa-to-the-americas-1650-1860/
where is the original source for this image? It looks like the blog is taking it from somewhere else.
that the data that has been
this construction is a little awkward.
of first hand accounts obviously brings into question the accuracy, and the motivation behind the narrative, which can make the act of creating a memorial that is historically accurate, as well as thought provoking and sensitive to those who were affected by these events, particularly difficult. As Jessica Marie Johnson states in Markup Bodies, Black [Life] Studies and Slavery [Death] Studies at the Digital Crossroads,"The archive of Atlantic slavery—images, numbers, and texts created by slave owners, traders, investors, abolitionists, and the enslaved themselves—haunts efforts to render black people as huma
This sentence is a little too long now, please try to break it up.
Qualitative data is important to take into account due to the possibilities of decreasing the true impact and horror that took place during the Middle Passage by trying to represent it with only data and statistics.
this feels too opinionated, try to make it more of a "they say/I say"
e questione
missing a citation here.
Qualitative data
don't begin this close to the end of a sentence that also contains the same word.
Something went wrong, the map did not load correctly.
you should do something here
Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade - Database, Emory University
missing information here
Social Text,
italics. Also, you need to use the volume/ issue.
Foy, Charles, "Ports of Slavery, Ports of Freedom: How Slaves Used Northern Seaports’ Maritime Industry To Escape and Create Trans-Atlantic Identities, 1713-1783" (2008). Faculty Research & Creative Activity
incorrect citation, make sure italics are present.
https://blog.richmond.edu/livesofmaps/2014/11/11/map-of-the-week-slave-trade-from-africa-to-the-americas-1650-1860/
This is not an original map from the source. You would need to try to find where it came from.
32, 3 (1965), 254-287.
Did you digitize this yourself?
fineartamerica.com/featured/slavery-abolition-granger.html
Find original source.
www.marintheatre.org/productions/august-wilsons-gem-of-the-ocean/the-middle-passage-and-the-city-of-bones
This citation is incorrect. You need to find the original source.
Remembrance of the Middle Passage
You need a stronger title here.
I noticed
I don't think you need "I" here.
According to Cohn, Philip D. Curtin estimated in his book The Atlantic Slave Trade
The construction here is a little confusing. Try to read this aloud.
An example of this is a study conducted by Lucian Leahu, Steve Schwenk and Phoebe Sengers called “Subjective Objectivity: Negotiating Emotional Meaning.” Their research focused on how people interpret “objective” representations, like maps.
you can probably combine the two of these sentences.
However,
Be careful, it looks like many sentences begin with "However"
My argument
Try to transition from your previous sentence a little smoother.
Conclusion
citations?
Anecdotal Advantages
provide an example of one anecdotal story.
Statistics Advantages:
you want to find sources to back these claims up
recent projects like the Johnson Project
review your feeder 1 feedback in Sakai dropbox.
quantitative measure only or qualitative measure only
this turn seems abrupt. You want to ease into this a little more.
died on the ship alone
where did you get this from? Cite.
Hundreds
this statement seems contradictory to your first sentence.
America’s.
Americas. Also where did you get this figure from? Cite it.
A Story Map
give this a stronger title.
hia
cite this
The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database possesse
I feel like you need a stronger transition here.
seas as “cargo.”
in-text citation?
he dilemma of traditional versus digital humanities reaches closer to a conclusion in determining a place of commemoration.
excellent.
attempting to memorialize in the contemporary er
a three hundred year old history?
Middle Passage of the Atlantic triangular trade
I would frame this more as its role in the slave trade.
revolt
what is this map of?
“I am resolved it is better to die than to be a white man's slave.”
get the source of the quote.
The
too many sentences beginning with "the"
United States v. The Amistad,
italic
African captives on board.
where did you get this information from? You will need to cite this
, we have a tendency to erase genocides and their consequences.
we? who is we? also can you provide a source to back up this claim?
In this focus on the telling of slave stories and their effects, Johnson captures what the monument should be about.
you can combine the end of this sentence with the sentence before. you seem to say the same thing in the first half of this sentence as you did on in the sentence before.
ondemns it.
what is your image? how does it relate to your paragraph? Tell us.
odification, countering the presumed neutrality of the digital” (58-59).
unpack this. What does it mean? Why is it important to your article?
. The story could be any story,
could it though? we don't have a lot of stories. Are you saying that we make one up? Be more specifc.
the monument
clarify, what monument, be more specific.
history’s biggest atrocitie
are you talking about slavery or the middle passage? clear this up a little more
a data based approach
to what?
objective badness
I would word this a little differently.
How should the memorial look? I suggest that these memorials take the form of small museum-like structures situated in these cities/towns, with a mixture of text and images of the trade to really put people in a slave's place. It would also be important to include tables and graphs of the numbers of enslaved people around the world, focusing on the prevalence of each city as its former colonizer's largest hub for slavery throughout three centuries.
I don't think you need to address what it should look like, but rather address a counterpoint a little clearer.
Five of the biggest empires all had their share of transportation of millions of innocent people across the grueling journey of the Atlantic, and the acknowledge of this suffering has often been minimized or completely forgotten by the people of our time.
excellent analysis
825, as well as the locations in Africa where the most slaves were taken from by each respective country. I used the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database plus Excel’s data parsing abilities to accomplish this task
Excellent work
have him lynched
cite.
For example
avoid beginning a paragraph like this
Buried beneath cities like Havana lies the inhumanity of the trade, and this brutality that every single one of the slaves on the Middle Passage had to endure can be captured by various stories from these slave ports
this is a quick turn. try to ease into this point a little smoother.
("Old Square")
I think you can just say "Old Square" not ("Old Square")
Numbness
you might want to explain what this image is and how it relates to this section.
“firsthand”
I don't think you need to quote firsthand
include source
including pictures
pain, sorrow, and trauma experienced by those aboard the Zong. These works can be displayed throughout the memorial to humanize such an inhumane, barbaric event.
good.
crucial t
yes!
This i
this___
. This
this___
She
you begin the sentence before with she as well
This
avoid using "this" often and beginning two sentences in a row with it.
This
this__
Thus, they decided to jettison some slaves in order to save the rest of the ship and claim insurance under the principle that a captain who jettisons some of his cargo to save the rest can claim for insurance.
you use jettison twice in this sentence, try to use it once.
”,
,"
130 African slaves were murdered
provide a reference here.
Give Background on Middle Passage/Atlantic Slave Trade/ impacts
Good!
de. Source: "La France Maritime" by Amédée Gréhan (ed.), Paris 1837 )
good.
any diving viewers
hmm but what would that audience be?
As its history becomes commonplace in American memory, its significance fades, and in a sense, the commodification of the enslaved continues to propagate (Johnson 71).
good!
ubsequently, its current population and cultures have been deeply affected by the history that the Middle Passage forced upon it.
how so?
After all, it is likely that the community present in the region will have had a deep history with the Middle Passage that reverberates to this day
I don't follow here.
landed after having endured the Middle Passage
this map is a depiction of the voyages where most people died.
Image: https://flickr.com/photos/patripics/92702507/in/photostream/)
you need citation information here
The l
remember, be careful with using too many
Given the multifaceted nature of a memorial, both kinds of data can be represented by different aspects of one.
This sentence is a little confusing. What do you mean by one?
This worry is one that is present in all manners of remembrance, such as when potential memorials are considered.
I would move this up to the front of the paragraph instead.
Too much emphasis on qualitative data can risk losing sight of the scale of the tragedy, while emphasis on quantitative data can allow the sheer personal pain of each enslaved individual to be forgotten (Johnson 61)
excellent.
When approaching remembrance of the history of the trade of enslaved people and the associated Middle Passage, ethical issues arise around the use of historical data.
I think you need a sentence before this to set it up a little more.
A Story Map
replace this title
The Children of Whitney. Slavery and Remembrance.
where is this? I think there is some incomplete citation info here.
Wikipedia, Wikipedia.org
Wikipedia does not publish this narrative. Find the original.
. (Johnson, 64)
move period to after 64).
Most extant slave ship manifests provide incomplete information about gender and age of enslaved Africans. In reality, evidence from the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database suggested that more enslaved women and children crossed the Atlantic than previously assumed, and insights gained from the advanced computation offered by the database further clarified the significance of African women and youth
Good!
Data and its visualization are necessary to describe some historical facts like the scale and length of the trade, making people remember
I don't follow. How does this help with memory.
Slave Voyages. Emory University, 2019, slavevoyages.org. Accessed 09 Nov 2019.
you want the specific page.
(Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, Or Gustavus Vassa, the African, 9 Nov 2019)
wrong in-text citation. Author and page number.
Olaudah Equiano
you need to transition here. I do not know why you are now turning to Equiano.
That is why we will need primary sources and qualitative materials to view the cruel trade from the eyes of victims
but we only have accounts like Equiano, so what do we do? we cannot just make the narratives.
archetypes, caricatures, and nameless numbered registers
explain what she means by this.
.” (Johnson, 61)
behind" (Johnson, 61).
Jessica Marie Johnson, the author states
this is redundant, revise this construction
Frontispiece of the autobiography of Olaudah Equiano. Small Island Red 2007. http://www.bristolreads.com/small_island_read/read_more/olandah_equiano.htm. Access 07 Nov. 2019
this is wrong. you want the original publication data and info as well as where you got it from.
. 1794.
where did this come from though?
Also, I suggest the memorial needs to locate at a port city that a slave ship visited frequently.
what ship? there are ten of thousands of ships, how do you determine this?
Because valid archaeological evidence like narratives can provide a more precise and straightforward historical background
archaeological? I think this is the wrong word.
How are these narrative more precise?
using and analyzing data is the best approach to reveal the history of the Middle Passage for people.
do they? how so?
unpack their lives
I don't know what you mean here. Clarify. I would like to see a source in this part of your storymap to help support your statements.
ere sold to traders from the Americas for tremendous profits.
traders? I don't think that is the term
millions of Africans
you can get the specific number from the slave voyages database.
A Story Map
you want a stronger title to this project.
he locations of these memorials remain very significant places in the history and lives of African Americans, and many of those places remain majority African American today.
I don't understand what you are saying here.
ountries often have difficulties representing historic situations in which they are the oppressor
citation? examples?
These are the major ports that were used in the Americas for the Atlantic Slave Trade
where did you get this info from? citation?
These memorials would not refer to the enslaved people as ‘slaves,’ they would be referred to as people who were wrongly taken from their homes and forced into conditions that dehumanized them and attempted to quantify human life
how do you do this?
a memorial in Africa, their home,
there are memorials in Africa.
e oppressor
ok, good place for the Johnson article here.
This i
this__
ften, in the creation of memorials or monuments, the enslaved people’s entire existence is framed around slavery
examples? secondary sources?
he people who were kidnapped there to acknowledge their existence outside of slavery
but they were taken from other parts of the country, I don't follow.
hese are the major ports from which people were taken in Africa
taken to the americas? Where did you get this information from? citation?
he destination.
what is the map to the left? I don't understand what it is telling us.
Building a memorial in only Africa avoids blame and responsibility, and can be seen as taking the side of the oppressor
why? how so? I don't follow.
There is a lot of claims in this paragraph, but not sources to back it up.
Memorials should be placed in both places
where? you gave us more the two places. Also, you haven't laid out a strong argument on why those specific places yet. You will need to do some more research on slave ports.
ome major ports in Africa were located near West Central Africa and the Gold Coast. There were various ports on the coast of South Carolina, one in New Orleans, one in Richmond, Virginia, and one in New York, among several other smaller ones up and down the East Coast
why were these considered major?
used most frequently
which ones? use data and sources to find out where.
●● A Story Map
you want to give this a stronger title
As Johnson stat
set this up a little more, how does this relate to your first sentence.
A suggested memorial display
this phrasing feels a little clunky. revise this part of the sentence.
Charleston South Carolina, and Savannah Georgia.
cite where you got this information from.
Of course there are no accounts of this event from the enslaved on the ship who did make it to land
I am not sure what you are saying here. Clarify
hen some of the enslaved began to die from disease and malnutrition the captain, believing that he could write them off as insured losses, began throwing the enslaved overboard. 132 enslaved people were thrown overboard, in a perfect example of the ways that the Africans were treated as property, and less than human.
this sentence is a little too long, please break up. Also I think there is a citation.
fit on board.
citation for information about the Zong?
The image to the right is a drawing of how the enslaved would have had to lie or sit below deck, in order for them all to fit.
Good! But string your argument through this paragraph
accumulation
you want a different word here.
Work Cited:
you only need the image citation here. All of your other citations can go at the end. Try to explain what this image is to your audience.
erpetuating the violence that began over 400 years ago.
good!
"(65).
I don't see why you are including this quote. Give me more context here.
his
this__
we must rely on data and second- hand accounts, or the accounts of the slavers and ship captains themselves
good
middle passage.
you want to provide the source for this information
ned.
citation
ple audiences
missing citation
research article, Markup Bodies by Jessica Johnson, she
simplify this more, use the "they say/I say" templates.
immensity of the evil
violence?
ennsylvania Gazette,
was this from an article?
Citations
where is your image citation information?
ead to the information shared in the memorial resonating with an individual more than viewing it in a museum.
you need to bring in a secondary source to support this claim.
I believe it is significant to establish memorial gardens close to the areas where the slave ports where in order for an individual to analyze the wicked events that took place in an area that may not be recognizable due to the immense amounts of changes it underwent to look as it does during modern times
you already said this before
of people brought over during the 18th century may be hard to grasp.
that is the whole point of the slave voyages website.
Pennsylvania Gazelle, there were over 1,100 slave imports from Africa from in the 18th century
this was some an article, cite it!
Data on Slave Ports
citation info on the images.
quantitative data which in results devalues the significance of the memorial
significance?
Quantitative data cannot be edited or tampered with via bias of a source which in turn makes it more reliable than qualitative data when analyzing the Middle Passage
We went over this in class, the data is still subjective and is interpreted. It is the numbers that hide the fact that it is biased. Please refer to the Johnson article for more details about this.
The strengths of using data and large scale approach are that one can take into account the raw data of transatlantic slave trade such as people brought over in a ship at once, ages of those encaptured and amount of time spent on the voyage to America when considering the magnitude of the Middle Passage
sentence is too long, shorten. Also bring in a source to support this claim.
memorial garden close to the ports where ships landed when reaching America via the Middle Passage
All of them? Find out how many and then revisit this point.
quantitative and qualitative data. T
into consideration?
BUT HOW DO YOU BALANCE THESE TWO ASPECTS? THIS IS THE MAIN QUESTION OF THE UNIT.
ideas
ideas? or analysis? or remembrance?
slave voyage websites
it is just one. And you want to cite it here.