813 Matching Annotations
  1. Dec 2019
    1. For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum

      Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.

    2. For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum

      Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.

    3. For instance, BBC News once reported a Portuguese slavery ship was found in the sea 100 meters outside the coastline of Cape Town. Chains, iron bars, and wooden pulleys remaining on the ship would be exhibited in a local museum

      Don't use a news article, especially to end your piece. New sources are not as reliable as academic ones.

    4. Archaeologists found many wrecked slavery ships near Cape Town, which also makes it a perfect location for the memorial. Because items and artifacts salvaged from those ships can be directly displayed in the museum in Cape Town

      Where did this come from? No citation

    5. Middle Passage of the Southwest Indian Ocean: A Century of Forced Immigration From Africa to the Cape of Good Hope:

      Is this a book? Then italics. If it is an article the title should be quoted.

    1. The humanization of memorials to the Middle Passage are just as, if not more important than numerical data.

      ok, but how does this relate to your thesis and port markers? Bring us back to the start.

    2. These memorials would not refer to the enslaved people as ‘slaves,’ they would be referred to as people who were wrongly taken from their homes and forced into conditions that dehumanized them.

      so what word or words would you use instead?

    3. he true intentions of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade will be impossible to gloss over and ignore

      I don't follow how this logically follows, I think you need to explain more.

    1. Hall concludes that without reminders like these, we will stay ignorant and make the same mistakes instead of learning from the past.

      missing citation here.

    2. he states this to establish that we will “wallow” and “revel” in our own ignorance while striving for personal fulfillment if we stop remembering the dead; which, is what she means by mentioning the “last-man so feared by Nietzsche”.

      I still don't follow. Also, where is the in-text citation? Page #?

    3. This is because it is where the majority of the deaths occurred.

      Didn't you already say this? What is your thesis and how does this paragraph relate back to it?

    4. Their resting place is in the middle of the Atlantic, meaning it is impossible to build a traditional graveyard for these people; which is why they need a protected stretch of seabed dedicated to their suffering and death

      Good. I don't think you need the first few sentences before this, you are basically saying the same point again here.

    5. Although many people believe that putting memorials for the enslaves on the ship ports is the most appropriate

      enslaved people? who would think this? Point to the port markers project.

    6. Innocent African natives were stolen from their homeland, families were separated and a whole race of human beings were dehumanized

      Give a context of time and approximately how many people.

    1. This illustration of how many people were forced to fit on one ship might give the viewer an idea of how uncomfortable it was, better than looking at numbers and data are able to. 

      you want to rearrange the order of the sentence to earlier in the paragraph.

    2. Data and numbers can help us to start processing this information,

      how so? I don't think you have made this point before, you will need to contextualize it.

    3. https://blog.richmond.edu/livesofmaps/2014/11/11/map-of-the-week-slave-trade-from-africa-to-the-americas-1650-1860/

      where is the original source for this image? It looks like the blog is taking it from somewhere else.

    4. of first hand accounts obviously brings into question the accuracy, and the motivation behind the narrative, which can make the act of creating a memorial that is historically accurate, as well as thought provoking and sensitive to those who were affected by these events, particularly difficult. As Jessica Marie Johnson states in Markup Bodies, Black [Life] Studies and Slavery [Death] Studies at the Digital Crossroads,"The archive of Atlantic slavery—images, numbers, and texts created by slave owners, traders, investors, abolitionists, and the enslaved themselves—haunts efforts to render black people as huma

      This sentence is a little too long now, please try to break it up.

    1. Qualitative data is important to take into account due to the possibilities of decreasing the true impact and horror that took place during the Middle Passage by trying to represent it with only data and statistics.

      this feels too opinionated, try to make it more of a "they say/I say"

    2. Foy, Charles, "Ports of Slavery, Ports of Freedom: How Slaves Used Northern Seaports’ Maritime Industry To Escape and Create Trans-Atlantic Identities, 1713-1783" (2008). Faculty Research & Creative Activity

      incorrect citation, make sure italics are present.

    3. https://blog.richmond.edu/livesofmaps/2014/11/11/map-of-the-week-slave-trade-from-africa-to-the-americas-1650-1860/

      This is not an original map from the source. You would need to try to find where it came from.

    4. www.marintheatre.org/productions/august-wilsons-gem-of-the-ocean/the-middle-passage-and-the-city-of-bones

      This citation is incorrect. You need to find the original source.

    1. An example of this is a study conducted by Lucian Leahu, Steve Schwenk and Phoebe Sengers called “Subjective Objectivity: Negotiating Emotional Meaning.” Their research focused on how people interpret “objective” representations, like maps.

      you can probably combine the two of these sentences.

  2. Nov 2019
    1. In this focus on the telling of slave stories and their effects, Johnson captures what the monument should be about.

      you can combine the end of this sentence with the sentence before. you seem to say the same thing in the first half of this sentence as you did on in the sentence before.

    1. How should the memorial look? I suggest that these memorials take the form of small museum-like structures situated in these cities/towns, with a mixture of text and images of the trade to really put people in a slave's place. It would also be important to include tables and graphs of the numbers of enslaved people around the world, focusing on the prevalence of each city as its former colonizer's largest hub for slavery throughout three centuries.

      I don't think you need to address what it should look like, but rather address a counterpoint a little clearer.

    2. Five of the biggest empires all had their share of transportation of millions of innocent people across the grueling journey of the Atlantic, and the acknowledge of this suffering has often been minimized or completely forgotten by the people of our time.

      excellent analysis

    3. 825, as well as the locations in Africa where the most slaves were taken from by each respective country. I used the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database plus Excel’s data parsing abilities to accomplish this task

      Excellent work

    4. Buried beneath cities like Havana lies the inhumanity of the trade, and this brutality that every single one of the slaves on the Middle Passage had to endure can be captured by various stories from these slave ports

      this is a quick turn. try to ease into this point a little smoother.

    1. pain, sorrow, and trauma experienced by those aboard the Zong. These works can be displayed throughout the memorial to humanize such an inhumane, barbaric event.

      good.

    2. Thus, they decided to jettison some slaves in order to save the rest of the ship and claim insurance under the principle that a captain who jettisons some of his cargo to save the rest can claim for insurance.

      you use jettison twice in this sentence, try to use it once.

    1. As its history becomes commonplace in American memory, its significance fades, and in a sense, the commodification of the enslaved continues to propagate (Johnson 71).

      good!

    2. After all, it is likely that the community present in the region will have had a deep history with the Middle Passage that reverberates to this day

      I don't follow here.

    3. Given the multifaceted nature of a memorial, both kinds of data can be represented by different aspects of one.

      This sentence is a little confusing. What do you mean by one?

    4. This worry is one that is present in all manners of remembrance, such as when potential memorials are considered.

      I would move this up to the front of the paragraph instead.

    5. Too much emphasis on qualitative data can risk losing sight of the scale of the tragedy, while emphasis on quantitative data can allow the sheer personal pain of each enslaved individual to be forgotten (Johnson 61)

      excellent.

    6. When approaching remembrance of the history of the trade of enslaved people and the associated Middle Passage, ethical issues arise around the use of historical data.

      I think you need a sentence before this to set it up a little more.

    1. Most extant slave ship manifests provide incomplete information about gender and age of enslaved Africans. In reality, evidence from the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database suggested that more enslaved women and children crossed the Atlantic than previously assumed, and insights gained from the advanced computation offered by the database further clarified the significance of African women and youth

      Good!

    2. Data and its visualization are necessary to describe some historical facts like the scale and length of the trade, making people remember

      I don't follow. How does this help with memory.

    3. That is why we will need primary sources and qualitative materials to view the cruel trade from the eyes of victims

      but we only have accounts like Equiano, so what do we do? we cannot just make the narratives.

    4. Frontispiece of the autobiography of Olaudah Equiano. Small Island Red 2007. http://www.bristolreads.com/small_island_read/read_more/olandah_equiano.htm. Access 07 Nov. 2019

      this is wrong. you want the original publication data and info as well as where you got it from.

    5. Also, I suggest the memorial needs to locate at a port city that a slave ship visited frequently.

      what ship? there are ten of thousands of ships, how do you determine this?

    6. Because valid archaeological evidence like narratives can provide a more precise and straightforward historical background

      archaeological? I think this is the wrong word.

      How are these narrative more precise?

    1. he locations of these memorials remain very significant places in the history and lives of African Americans, and many of those places remain majority African American today.

      I don't understand what you are saying here.

    2. These memorials would not refer to the enslaved people as ‘slaves,’ they would be referred to as people who were wrongly taken from their homes and forced into conditions that dehumanized them and attempted to quantify human life

      how do you do this?

    3. Building a memorial in only Africa avoids blame and responsibility, and can be seen as taking the side of the oppressor

      why? how so? I don't follow.

      There is a lot of claims in this paragraph, but not sources to back it up.

    4. Memorials should be placed in both places

      where? you gave us more the two places. Also, you haven't laid out a strong argument on why those specific places yet. You will need to do some more research on slave ports.

    5. ome major ports in Africa were located near West Central Africa and the Gold Coast. There were various ports on the coast of South Carolina, one in New Orleans, one in Richmond, Virginia, and one in New York, among several other smaller ones up and down the East Coast

      why were these considered major?

    1. hen some of the enslaved began to die from disease and malnutrition the captain, believing that he could write them off as insured losses, began throwing the enslaved overboard. 132 enslaved people were thrown overboard, in a perfect example of the ways that the Africans were treated as property, and less than human.

      this sentence is a little too long, please break up. Also I think there is a citation.

    2. The image to the right is a drawing of how the enslaved would have had to lie or sit below deck, in order for them all to fit.

      Good! But string your argument through this paragraph

    1. ead to the information shared in the memorial resonating with an individual more than viewing it in a museum. 

      you need to bring in a secondary source to support this claim.

    2. I believe it is significant to establish memorial gardens close to the areas where the slave ports where in order for an individual to analyze the wicked events that took place in an area that may not be recognizable due to the immense amounts of changes it underwent to look as it does during modern times

      you already said this before

    3. Quantitative data cannot be edited or tampered with via bias of a source which in turn makes it more reliable than qualitative data when analyzing the Middle Passage

      We went over this in class, the data is still subjective and is interpreted. It is the numbers that hide the fact that it is biased. Please refer to the Johnson article for more details about this.

    4. The strengths of using data and large scale approach are that one can take into account the raw data of transatlantic slave trade such as people brought over in a ship at once, ages of those encaptured and amount of time spent on the voyage to America when considering the magnitude of the Middle Passage

      sentence is too long, shorten. Also bring in a source to support this claim.

    5. memorial garden close to the ports where ships landed when reaching America via the Middle Passage

      All of them? Find out how many and then revisit this point.