813 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2019
    1. Because we have no access to first hand stories, any resource that can provide a look into the past regarding the Middle Passage can be used, simply to just create perspective.

      This statement is a little confusing. I am not sure what you are trying to do. Try to rephrase.

    2. dding museums around commercial ports would not only reach tourists, but relate the local history of the port rather than sharing a tale about history that happened elsewhere.

      Good! But What I am thinking right now, is why not more than 3?

    3. Even though traumatic parts of history have been silenced and concealed, museums are intended to be permanent and can live far past a common legend and a story (Araujo 8)

      Good.

    4. Because official history is disrupted by sub-history and sub-narratives,

      Good! But integrate your thoughts from the first section into this. This seems like a separate thought from the first part of the paper, link them a little more.

    5. By anchoring history to a specific location, the official history composed of many intricate parts can be broken down to more relatable components that are more consequential to individual communities that share history.

      This is a good opportunity to use Glissant here.

    6. We remember history by reenacting it in the present; however, as humans we can only concentrate on one thing at a time and we cannot recognize a whole scale of happenings and occurrences because our capacity to understand concepts at any given time is limited (Jeffrey-Clay 4).

      Good first sentence.

    7. ocean floor. The ocean floor

      Remember when we talked about this in class? You want to avoid ending a sentence with the same words you begin the next one with.

    1. However, memorializing slavery and other negative historical events is still a debated action, and evaluating how to memorialize these atrocities while educating the modern public and honoring past victims is a difficult process.

      Good!

    2. helped increase people’s ethical and religious concerns about slavery and prompted abolitionist movements

      this is a difficult point to prove. You would need to provide a little more proof for this claim.

    3. A memorial was created in 2007 near the Black River in Jamaica to remember those lives lost

      I think it might be really nice here to see what that memorial looks like.

    4. An appropriate location for this African memorial would be in Accra, the coastal capital of Ghana.

      I would like to know more of why exactly here. What information can you provide to justify that place instead of others.

    5. these lesser-known stories and facts and should encompass all parts of and include all locations of these lost historical events. In addition to the United States, this memorial should include sites in Africa and the Caribbean that share stories and information that are otherwise untold.

      good thesis.

    6. Memorials, museums, and other educational sites about slavery often leave out stories that are untold and unaccounted for and little-known details about the trans-Atlantic slave trade that aren’t discussed

      Strong beginning.

    1. Nevertheless, even though each of these five individuals had unique and complicated human lives, the Boston Massacre does not conjure up the same negative emotions as the Middle Passage.

      Good.

    2. Placing floating buoys with plaques that each tell the story of one person who was forced into slavery at intervals along the dedicated path of seafloor can accomplish this.

      Nice link between your idea and the evidence.

    3. I first propose to dedicate a portion of the seafloor that stretches from the coast of West Africa to the Caribbean as a historic landmark in order to commemorate the full extent of the journey that most slaves were forced to take.

      Excellent.

    4. When choosing where to place a monument to the Middle Passage, historians must consider both statistical evidence and firsthand accounts of the experiences of individual slaves.

      I feel like you need a good "they say" here or right after.

    5. mage Caption: A ship diagram demonstrating how slaves were packed together in extremely close quarters as they journeyed across the Atlantic Ocean via the Middle Passage. 

      excellent!

    6. 10.7 million individuals survived the journey,

      I think it might have more impact to tell us how many died or are you trying to do something political here (if so, make it a little more explicit)?

    1. Although artistic monuments can be effective in representing the large quantities of people who perished, it is crucial that the stories of those who were enslaved be integrated. Numbers often become an abstraction of human life, such as the numbers prisoners were assigned in concentration camps. While it is important to realize the mass amounts of people who were enslaved, it is crucial that we understand who they were. In order to gain a holistic understanding of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, one must first comprehend the human lives that were stolen.

      Excellent Paragraph!

    1. What happened with the Zong ship serves as one of the pinnacle events to the end of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, in which the legal case reflected the institutional dehumanization of Africans and the priority of economic gain over salvaging human lives; the trial gained attention to the point that­ “a new ethical dimension” was discussed over the slave trade, in which it was previously only a commercial and political debate (Walvin).

      You need to break up this sentence a little more. It is very long and has lots of different ideas working within it.

    2. While it’s important to analyze the data and realize the scale of the oppression among the entire African population, evoking the moral obligations of society to our past mistakes and properly remembering those who were affected requires more than being given simplified information.

      excellent. I think you are missing your citation information for the image.

    1. Walvin, J. (2011). Remembering The Zong. Retrieved from http://writingindhs19.web.unc.edu/files/2019/04/The_Zong_A_Massacre_the_Law_and_the_End_of_Slavery_-_Remembering_the_Zong.pdf

      You want the real citation information from the book itself.

    2. By looking at the two parts of data

      I think this would be a good part to bring in Johnson. I do not see a "they say" for this first portion and this would be a great place for it.

    3. These events as well as others demand to be known through the use of monuments and other public memorials.

      how would this be different than a movie? You want to bring that point up here.

    4. he holocaust is an example of an event often brought up when discussing the lack of conversation around slavery

      Is it, find a source that tells us this? This would be an excellent part to place in a "they say"

    5. Other less noteworthy ships and events in history have monuments yet when it comes to slavery and the Middle Passage the conversation is sparse.

      I am confused. Are you saying other ships have monuments? You need to mention which ones and how the relate similarly or differently to the middle passage.

    6. The Zong is an example of a ship that caused such a great controversy yet is largely unacknowledged in the form of monuments

      You would want to get a sentence is here trying to think of why it has not yet.

    7. The Zong is an example of a ship that caused such a great controversy yet is largely unacknowledged in the form of monuments

      I am not sure how this relates to the above section. You might want to retitle the section What others have done to the American freedom narrative

    8. largest cause of missing information in these large databases. The creators are afraid to shed light on the dark parts of American history in fear of damaging the American freedom narrative.

      Be careful! This is a huge point to prove. As your reader, I would like to see more proof pulled from the slave voyages database after this point.

      From this page: https://www.slavevoyages.org/voyage/about this statement might need some unpacking: ".We have pursued and eliminated many of the inconsistencies, but to eliminate all would have imposed an order on the historical record that anyone who has visited the archives (or indeed examined published sources such as Mettas or Richardson) knows does not exist. "(Slave Voyages)

    9. Those enslaved through the slave trade have endured unbelievable adversities that have become hidden and forgotten about when presenting the numerical data of how many lives were lost through the Middle Passage.

      This is a really long sentence! You need to break this up into two different sentences.

    10. Using numerical and personal data can be a way to expose the true hardships of American slavery and begin the process to healing the internal damages caused by it.

      Good point.

    11. partially due to the internal struggle of expressing the American story of freedom while also acknowledging the enslavement of others for personal gains

      Good!

    1. “The door is a place, real, imaginary and imagined. As islands and dark continents are. It is a place which exists or existed. The door out of which Africans were captured, loaded onto ships heading for the New World. It was the door of a million exits multiplied. It is a door many of us wish never existed. It is a door which makes the word door impossible and dangerous, cunning and disagreeable...this door is the place of the fall (Brand 3).”

      I would like to see you interact with these longer quotes a little more.

    2. The question of how to best memorialize the Middle Passage holds no easy answers, but following the footsteps of the abolition movement indicates that bringing the setting of slavery to the public can have great effect. Museums to the American Civil Rights Movement give weight to this concept: they seek to replicate sites integral to the movement, and visitors overwhelmingly respond to it. These living history exhibits “reach people in a manner that the children in Albany came back to repeatedly: I felt like I was there.” (Hamburger 67)

      YES!

    1. t's just numbered on top of numbers on top of fancy, academic wording to make the writer sound better

      This feels too opinionated. Use Johnson to help make these points for you.

    2. This gives each port a unique spin as no other port would have the same artifacts unless there was a direct connection between the ports via the voyages. 

      Relate this to the port markers project as a "they say"

    3. When people think of the Trail of Tears memorial or Sherman's March to the Sea, they see multiple sites in which the event took place. The continuity from start to finish helps people put together a story while also seeing the full picture of what this event in history was. Each place was affected differently and that is seen within the town or area in which the memorial is placed. 

      Excellent.

    4. This limitation can cause clumping of every artifact together as “the middle the passage” without a true examination of each area.

      Also a little unclear. Try to explain this a little more, I am not sure what point you are trying to make.

    5. Because this event spanned across so many different locations over the span of two centuries, there are multiple factors such as the literacy rate among slaves was close to none, or they are represented through letters between masters that limit historian’s ability to have actual accounts; limiting how historians are able to memorialize the middle passage.

      you have too many ideas happening here, I would break this up by saying the points separately:

      1. different locations over two centuries.
      2. don't have documentation because of literacy rates
      3. historian's ability to memorialize the past.
    1. Pictured to the right is the current Zong memorial, located at a local port in Black River, Jamaica. Currently, the memorial lacks all aspects of an effective memorial, with no imagery, hands on activities or experiences and a very brief summary. In order to promote the creation of an effective memorial, black historians and experts and local politicians/ academics should have the majority of input. Too often historical data used in the creation of memorials, especially in regards to African American history, is often obscured with little interest in incorporating viewpoints of those who have been afflicted. According to Johnson,

      this is really good.

    2. repeatedly: I felt like I was there. That is how we begin to derive strength from our history, with that essential empathetic link to the struggles of our forebears" (Hamburg, 76)

      good

    3. should implement a humanistic approach, taking into account first hand accounts such as Equiano, and incorporating hands on activities and imagery.

      Good points. This should take up some more space in your StoryMap, this seems to be the point of the whole paper, so I would expand this a little more so you can let the ideas breath.

    4. In its importance, the Zong would be an ideal canidate to base a memorial to the transatlantic slave trade as it eventually led to its destruction.

      Wait what? The zong doesn't exist anymore. What do you mean exactly?

    5. "What is this claim that human people have been thrown overboard? This is a case of chattels or goods. Blacks are goods and property; it is madness to accuse these well-serving honourable men of murder… The case is the same as if wood had been thrown overboard”

      You would need to block quote this since it is so long. Also, if you are going to quote this much text, I would expect you to interact with it a little more.

    1. These port cities cannot divorce themselves from their history; the lack of attention drawn to this local history exemplifies “nonhistory” and fosters the impression that their connection can be erased by the collective memory (Glissant 62).

      Excellent.

    2. each site would also include an individualized exhibit on the local area’s Middle Passage history and the stories of the slaves aboard the ships to these ports.

      Excellent Suggestion.

    3. In contrast, story-driven memorializations of the Middle Passage offer retroactive empowerment by granting the slaves the agency they were systematically denied.

      This is a large claim to make and I think it might land harder if you used a "they say" that would directly speak to this point.

    4. The Middle Passage was a bridge between the familiar and the unknown, the past and an uncertain future, and, most deplorably, humanity and commodification.

      Excellent first sentence.

    1. Furthermore, it is time to acknowledge that past Black experiences are often tragically similar to those of the present.

      Could we try to connect the past to the present.

    2. Memorializing black experience in monuments has too long been done BY white people FOR white people as a means of easing guilt, and resistance to memorials that might reopen the wounds of this nation’s past is strong. 

      Excellent point! You would need to provide to examples of what memorials.

    3. mostly white populations at PWI–and why.

      The counterargument could be, this happened over 150 years ago, but very few memorials have been made. So why haven't we done work to think about this? How can we encourage this conversation and work to happen.

    4. s. This incorporation of experience in order to bring context to data can be thought of as humanistic analysis.

      this is the meat of your argument here, if you were to expand the paper, I would open this up a little more.

    5. he perpetual impact of slavery on our nation is exemplified when Ira Berlin discusses how black actors taking on the role of enslaved peoples in a play affected their personal lives after shows.

      Good.

    6. These statistics beg the questions: Are Black people really even free in today’s society? If not, how do we combat the ways they are enslaved by modern institutions?

      Good.

    7. identify pervasive tendencies and structures that lend themselves to propagating narratives of the past within society, as opposed to using data to categorically define peoples based on characteristics

      I think it might be important to discuss why this is different than the data set you are critiquing.

    8. This map shows modern manifestations of Afro-Pessimism's existence in society.

      you want to draw out this statement a little more, give me more explanation about the links between these two concepts.

    9. The rest of this Story Map will address the mentioned superposition structures put in place by the slave trade onto the United State's post-slavery society.

      Good!

    10. While this word means different things to different people

      This is a throwaway statement, as a scholar, you can use whatever definition you feel is most appropriate. Just go right into defining it.

    11. nherent link between modern race relations and the country’s history of slavery,

      you would typically want a "they say" in here to help support your thesis.

    12. The way in which academic institutions and formal organizations go about memorializing experience must change.

      You would need to illustrate how these institutions currently memorialize experience.

    13. by nor for the people negatively impacted by the middle passage.

      An interesting counterpoint, is how do we know who was impacted? We do not have a written account, so what do we do?

    14. This example goes to show that data without an accompanying humanistic analysis—an exploration of the world of the enslaved from their own perspective–is incapable of creating a full representation of experience

      Excellent.