“Ventus”,
Excellent! I would use a picture of that poem here.
“Ventus”,
Excellent! I would use a picture of that poem here.
Because we have no access to first hand stories, any resource that can provide a look into the past regarding the Middle Passage can be used, simply to just create perspective.
This statement is a little confusing. I am not sure what you are trying to do. Try to rephrase.
dding museums around commercial ports would not only reach tourists, but relate the local history of the port rather than sharing a tale about history that happened elsewhere.
Good! But What I am thinking right now, is why not more than 3?
Slave Voyages Site
You need to introduce this a little earlier.
Even though traumatic parts of history have been silenced and concealed, museums are intended to be permanent and can live far past a common legend and a story (Araujo 8)
Good.
5
what source is this? Jeffery-Clay? You need to put that in here too.
New Yor
New York City?
Because official history is disrupted by sub-history and sub-narratives,
Good! But integrate your thoughts from the first section into this. This seems like a separate thought from the first part of the paper, link them a little more.
and news
I don't think you need news here.
By anchoring history to a specific location, the official history composed of many intricate parts can be broken down to more relatable components that are more consequential to individual communities that share history.
This is a good opportunity to use Glissant here.
We remember history by reenacting it in the present; however, as humans we can only concentrate on one thing at a time and we cannot recognize a whole scale of happenings and occurrences because our capacity to understand concepts at any given time is limited (Jeffrey-Clay 4).
Good first sentence.
ocean floor. The ocean floor
Remember when we talked about this in class? You want to avoid ending a sentence with the same words you begin the next one with.
Museum Placement Proposal
Good Titles.
However, memorializing slavery and other negative historical events is still a debated action, and evaluating how to memorialize these atrocities while educating the modern public and honoring past victims is a difficult process.
Good!
Rice
use year.
"Creating Memorials, Building Identities: The Politics of Memory in the Black Atlantic,
italic
Issues with Memorializing the Slave Trade Send keybo
Great section.
helped increase people’s ethical and religious concerns about slavery and prompted abolitionist movements
this is a difficult point to prove. You would need to provide a little more proof for this claim.
.”
citation needed.
A memorial was created in 2007 near the Black River in Jamaica to remember those lives lost
I think it might be really nice here to see what that memorial looks like.
An infamous example of the brutality of slavery
I feel like you need a transition sentence between the first sentence and here.
An appropriate location for this African memorial would be in Accra, the coastal capital of Ghana.
I would like to know more of why exactly here. What information can you provide to justify that place instead of others.
“Inland warrior aristocracies”
Why quote this? If you are using specific wording from Hartman, then you would need to cite this as well.
Hartman
Just do 2008.
"Lose Your Mother: A Journey Along the Atlantic Slave Route,"
Articles you quote and Books you italicize.
Battle
don't include Battle again, since you already used the name in the front of the sentence. Just the year will be fine for the citation.
these lesser-known stories and facts and should encompass all parts of and include all locations of these lost historical events. In addition to the United States, this memorial should include sites in Africa and the Caribbean that share stories and information that are otherwise untold.
good thesis.
."
In-text citation needed.
Rice
When you introduce someone the first time, you want to use their entire name.
Memorials, museums, and other educational sites about slavery often leave out stories that are untold and unaccounted for and little-known details about the trans-Atlantic slave trade that aren’t discussed
Strong beginning.
The Middle Passage was not instantaneous
Excellent point.
Nevertheless, even though each of these five individuals had unique and complicated human lives, the Boston Massacre does not conjure up the same negative emotions as the Middle Passage.
Good.
oston Massacre
Good turn. Nice work.
Placing floating buoys with plaques that each tell the story of one person who was forced into slavery at intervals along the dedicated path of seafloor can accomplish this.
Nice link between your idea and the evidence.
(Johnson 58).
I think you should interact with this quote a little more. You can also find the Stedman here: http://www.blakearchive.org/work/bb499
I suggest placing floating buoys with plaques that each tell the story of one enslaved person at intervals along this path.
Interesting idea!!
Mintz
It's not relevant here, but I would be careful on over-reliance on one source.
I first propose to dedicate a portion of the seafloor that stretches from the coast of West Africa to the Caribbean as a historic landmark in order to commemorate the full extent of the journey that most slaves were forced to take.
Excellent.
The
Try to begin this without "the", your sentence before begins the same way.
When choosing where to place a monument to the Middle Passage, historians must consider both statistical evidence and firsthand accounts of the experiences of individual slaves.
I feel like you need a good "they say" here or right after.
mage Caption: A ship diagram demonstrating how slaves were packed together in extremely close quarters as they journeyed across the Atlantic Ocean via the Middle Passage.
excellent!
as excerpts
You might want to give us a little preview as to what excerpts.
10.7 million individuals survived the journey,
I think it might have more impact to tell us how many died or are you trying to do something political here (if so, make it a little more explicit)?
Unsung Founders Memorial
I would italicize this and I would try to include a picture of it.
Background
Do you have a title for this exhibit? I don't see one.
We must truly understand what others endured in order to promote empathy and progress. We must learn from the past to inform our future.
Good!
These shoes
Vary the beginnings of your sentences.
. A memorial gains a strong foundation through numbers, but it is through empathy and human stories that it is made effective.
Good!
Although artistic monuments can be effective in representing the large quantities of people who perished, it is crucial that the stories of those who were enslaved be integrated. Numbers often become an abstraction of human life, such as the numbers prisoners were assigned in concentration camps. While it is important to realize the mass amounts of people who were enslaved, it is crucial that we understand who they were. In order to gain a holistic understanding of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, one must first comprehend the human lives that were stolen.
Excellent Paragraph!
The Holocaust, or any tragedy, cannot afford to be commemorated in a limbo of uncertainty
I don't think you need this last part of the quote.
a historical basis and a humanizing element.
good.
such as these.
good.
circuit
love this term.
The
Be careful, this is the second sentence in a row with "the"
“Trans-Atlantic”).
I don't think you need the title too.
ations (Prager).
Image citation?
What happened with the Zong ship serves as one of the pinnacle events to the end of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, in which the legal case reflected the institutional dehumanization of Africans and the priority of economic gain over salvaging human lives; the trial gained attention to the point that “a new ethical dimension” was discussed over the slave trade, in which it was previously only a commercial and political debate (Walvin).
You need to break up this sentence a little more. It is very long and has lots of different ideas working within it.
).
Excellent! Unpack these ideas a little more!
Nichols
the citation is wrong here, please review the THWG on in-text citation.
Get Out
Italicize and put the date of the movie. Also, since you reference it, you want to include it in works cited.
An example
of this,
Not includes.
approach.
image citation
past.
You still want to cite the slave voyages website image here.
Websites like Emory University’s Slave Voyages
You should try to link the URL so the user can go directly to the website.
Zong
You will need to introduce the Zong a little earlier, so we get better context. Also you need the image citation info.
While it’s important to analyze the data and realize the scale of the oppression among the entire African population, evoking the moral obligations of society to our past mistakes and properly remembering those who were affected requires more than being given simplified information.
excellent. I think you are missing your citation information for the image.
cultural diaspora and colonization.
good
African lifestyle
I am not sure if lifestyle is the right word, maybe culture?
Citations
you want to include the film in your citation
THE CITATION TO YOUR CLIPBOARD
You want to delete this part. I don't see citations for your images either, please include those.
Walvin, J. (2011). Remembering The Zong. Retrieved from http://writingindhs19.web.unc.edu/files/2019/04/The_Zong_A_Massacre_the_Law_and_the_End_of_Slavery_-_Remembering_the_Zong.pdf
You want the real citation information from the book itself.
By looking at the two parts of data
I think this would be a good part to bring in Johnson. I do not see a "they say" for this first portion and this would be a great place for it.
These events as well as others demand to be known through the use of monuments and other public memorials.
how would this be different than a movie? You want to bring that point up here.
monument be built in commemoration to their contributions to the western society
Good.
s
you want to cite a source here.
them
quote or italicize.
.”
Missing Citation.
That scene, at the auction block, was quick and to the point
Awkward construction. Try to rephrase.
es
's
they
You would want to use Spielberg instead of "they"
there was an attempt to show the desperation felt by captured Africans
I think you need to add that it tries to depict the desperation.
The
don't have "the" in both the beginning of the first sentence and the header/title.
during the two centuries of slavery black bodies were seen as disposable and worth nothing
good point.
This is
This what? Also, do not begin two sentences in a row with the same beginning.
This g
This what? Don't just use "this"
”.
missing citation.
document
this is a chapter in a book. you need to cite this correctly.
The
Fourth sentence in a row with "The" at beginning.
Steven Spielberg directed, film
the comma is not needed here, you need to place it after while.
The
This is the third sentence in a row that has "The" in the beginning.
The argument usually
this needs to be a "they say" and you need to find one of these arguments.
he holocaust is an example of an event often brought up when discussing the lack of conversation around slavery
Is it, find a source that tells us this? This would be an excellent part to place in a "they say"
Other less noteworthy ships and events in history have monuments yet when it comes to slavery and the Middle Passage the conversation is sparse.
I am confused. Are you saying other ships have monuments? You need to mention which ones and how the relate similarly or differently to the middle passage.
The Zong is an example of a ship that caused such a great controversy yet is largely unacknowledged in the form of monuments
You would want to get a sentence is here trying to think of why it has not yet.
The Zong is an example of a ship that caused such a great controversy yet is largely unacknowledged in the form of monuments
I am not sure how this relates to the above section. You might want to retitle the section What others have done to the American freedom narrative
largest cause of missing information in these large databases. The creators are afraid to shed light on the dark parts of American history in fear of damaging the American freedom narrative.
Be careful! This is a huge point to prove. As your reader, I would like to see more proof pulled from the slave voyages database after this point.
From this page: https://www.slavevoyages.org/voyage/about this statement might need some unpacking: ".We have pursued and eliminated many of the inconsistencies, but to eliminate all would have imposed an order on the historical record that anyone who has visited the archives (or indeed examined published sources such as Mettas or Richardson) knows does not exist. "(Slave Voyages)
Renee Ater says,
Introduce this quote a little more seamlessly, relate it to the sentences before.
Archives like this properly take a visible stance on
I think you need to explain what you mean by "visible stance"
ta
You are paraphrasing here, so you need a citation here.
ohnson article
Since this is the first time mentioning her work, you need to give us her full name and the full title of the article.
Those enslaved through the slave trade have endured unbelievable adversities that have become hidden and forgotten about when presenting the numerical data of how many lives were lost through the Middle Passage.
This is a really long sentence! You need to break this up into two different sentences.
”.
Missing Citation
t.”
You are missing the citation here.
Using numerical and personal data can be a way to expose the true hardships of American slavery and begin the process to healing the internal damages caused by it.
Good point.
whole
Interesting! Do you think we can ever know the whole story of the middle passage? I think maybe you want to say a more complete story.
partially due to the internal struggle of expressing the American story of freedom while also acknowledging the enslavement of others for personal gains
Good!
What the importance Send keyboard focus to media
This title feels incomplete, the importance of what?
“The door is a place, real, imaginary and imagined. As islands and dark continents are. It is a place which exists or existed. The door out of which Africans were captured, loaded onto ships heading for the New World. It was the door of a million exits multiplied. It is a door many of us wish never existed. It is a door which makes the word door impossible and dangerous, cunning and disagreeable...this door is the place of the fall (Brand 3).”
I would like to see you interact with these longer quotes a little more.
here
quote ends before Porter.
discoveringamistad.org)
Ask me how to make this an active link.
daughtership slave ship a new idea. A daughtership
daughtership feels a little too close together, try to combine senntences.
Showing
Good, but maybe depicting instead?
(Zeuske).
Good link to the website under here.
sing a single image would leave little impression, nor would a simple plaque
YES!
To Walk on a Slave Ship
LOVe the title.
The question of how to best memorialize the Middle Passage holds no easy answers, but following the footsteps of the abolition movement indicates that bringing the setting of slavery to the public can have great effect. Museums to the American Civil Rights Movement give weight to this concept: they seek to replicate sites integral to the movement, and visitors overwhelmingly respond to it. These living history exhibits “reach people in a manner that the children in Albany came back to repeatedly: I felt like I was there.” (Hamburger 67)
YES!
e trade, and were key in turning public opinion against the slavers (Walvin 211
Good.
e Transatlantic trade, and inspired the famed Turner painting, The Slave Ship (Walvin 206)
good link to the image.
(Johnson, 64).
You want to end this on your own words.
Think about it
I wouldn't use this phrasing.
t's just numbered on top of numbers on top of fancy, academic wording to make the writer sound better
This feels too opinionated. Use Johnson to help make these points for you.
This gives each port a unique spin as no other port would have the same artifacts unless there was a direct connection between the ports via the voyages.
Relate this to the port markers project as a "they say"
entire book.
You probably need a "they say" here, which I think the Johnson could say something about incomplete/complete story.
When people think of the Trail of Tears memorial or Sherman's March to the Sea, they see multiple sites in which the event took place. The continuity from start to finish helps people put together a story while also seeing the full picture of what this event in history was. Each place was affected differently and that is seen within the town or area in which the memorial is placed.
Excellent.
This limitation can cause clumping of every artifact together as “the middle the passage” without a true examination of each area.
Also a little unclear. Try to explain this a little more, I am not sure what point you are trying to make.
outside of the textbook
I am not sure how this relates to the point above, try to clarify this a little more.
Because this event spanned across so many different locations over the span of two centuries, there are multiple factors such as the literacy rate among slaves was close to none, or they are represented through letters between masters that limit historian’s ability to have actual accounts; limiting how historians are able to memorialize the middle passage.
you have too many ideas happening here, I would break this up by saying the points separately:
Walvin, 206
Not relevant here, but you want to be careful on relying on a single source for most of your information.
Pictured to the right is the current Zong memorial, located at a local port in Black River, Jamaica. Currently, the memorial lacks all aspects of an effective memorial, with no imagery, hands on activities or experiences and a very brief summary. In order to promote the creation of an effective memorial, black historians and experts and local politicians/ academics should have the majority of input. Too often historical data used in the creation of memorials, especially in regards to African American history, is often obscured with little interest in incorporating viewpoints of those who have been afflicted. According to Johnson,
this is really good.
repeatedly: I felt like I was there. That is how we begin to derive strength from our history, with that essential empathetic link to the struggles of our forebears" (Hamburg, 76)
good
the Transatlantic slave trade, is often skewed or misrepresented
Use Johnson here
should implement a humanistic approach, taking into account first hand accounts such as Equiano, and incorporating hands on activities and imagery.
Good points. This should take up some more space in your StoryMap, this seems to be the point of the whole paper, so I would expand this a little more so you can let the ideas breath.
brushed under the rug
I wouldn't use this phrasing, it is a little too casual for the subject matter.
humanities
humanities'
Granted, a memorial already exists yet it does not convey the brutality and importance of the Zong in a palpable way.
Good point.
River
This might be a good point to show the memorial within the text rather than in the story map section.
Zong's arrival
where in Jamaica? Since Black River is the most important part for you, I would try to convey where this is.
In fact
Good transition
ry.
missing citation.
In its importance, the Zong would be an ideal canidate to base a memorial to the transatlantic slave trade as it eventually led to its destruction.
Wait what? The zong doesn't exist anymore. What do you mean exactly?
Black Past
Wrong citation. Author/page or Author.
e.
Missing quote
influence arguably was on countries in the Caribbean
this is really confusing. Influence on what?
Zongs
Zong's
(Walvin, 206).
Good use of "they say"
"What is this claim that human people have been thrown overboard? This is a case of chattels or goods. Blacks are goods and property; it is madness to accuse these well-serving honourable men of murder… The case is the same as if wood had been thrown overboard”
You would need to block quote this since it is so long. Also, if you are going to quote this much text, I would expect you to interact with it a little more.
Walvin, 61
correct citation!
Black Past)
Wrong Citation. You need the author's name and page number-if there is one.
first mass killings
during the middle passage? or when?
no wind
This feels like it needs a citation.
On the 29th of November, 1781, the Zong
I think you need a transition statement relating the Zong to Trans Atlantic Trade and Black water.
anonymity,
I am not sure if this is the right word here.
This
This what? Remember, don't just use "this"
The Forgotten Slave Trade
The Map on this map does not load properly. Let's troubleshoot this after class today.
The history of the Middle Passage cannot be viewed in a vacuum.
YES!!
This micro-scale approach to a macro-level historical injustice would reframe the enslaved as humans rather than capital-producing commodities.
Good.
lacing museums in these slave ports would counter this historical amnesia and focalize “subaltern pasts” (Chakrabarty 18)
Excellent.
These port cities cannot divorce themselves from their history; the lack of attention drawn to this local history exemplifies “nonhistory” and fosters the impression that their connection can be erased by the collective memory (Glissant 62).
Excellent.
This omission distances those involved with the Middle Passage from the blood indirectly or directly on their hands
Good phrasing.
The
Try to begin this a little different, since the Block title also begins with "The"
Image: Douglas, Aaron. Into Bondage. 1936. Artstor, library.artstor.org/asset/ARTSTOR_103_41822003019823.
perfect!
each site would also include an individualized exhibit on the local area’s Middle Passage history and the stories of the slaves aboard the ships to these ports.
Excellent Suggestion.
In contrast, story-driven memorializations of the Middle Passage offer retroactive empowerment by granting the slaves the agency they were systematically denied.
This is a large claim to make and I think it might land harder if you used a "they say" that would directly speak to this point.
This
"This" is a little unclear here. Try to modify it.
Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database
just a small point, but this would be a good point to link the website URL.
the digitalized form perpetuates the dehumanizing legacy of the data
yes!
hese inclusive intentions are obfuscated by the narrowed focus on data
Very good phrasing.
The Middle Passage was a bridge between the familiar and the unknown, the past and an uncertain future, and, most deplorably, humanity and commodification.
Excellent first sentence.
Furthermore, it is time to acknowledge that past Black experiences are often tragically similar to those of the present.
Could we try to connect the past to the present.
Memorializing black experience in monuments has too long been done BY white people FOR white people as a means of easing guilt, and resistance to memorials that might reopen the wounds of this nation’s past is strong.
Excellent point! You would need to provide to examples of what memorials.
mostly white populations at PWI–and why.
The counterargument could be, this happened over 150 years ago, but very few memorials have been made. So why haven't we done work to think about this? How can we encourage this conversation and work to happen.
it is
be specific, I am not sure what it is--archive work?
the “second order violence” that comes from archive work?
good!
analyses
be careful! Analyses is the subject of three sentences in a row.
We cannot use data to re-commodify past enslaved populations by categorically imputing data points such as the likely geolocation of human remains.
Good.
Where Black Men are Missing" graph, helping to support the earlier claim that Black men
You could insert that picture into the text box to compare.
When memorializing the middle passage, it is pertinent that we do so as humans, not economists or data scientists.
good
These experiences
begin this sentence a little differently.
Mustakeem puts emphasis not on the abstraction of numbers but rather on enslaved persons and their experiences
Yes!
Fuentes
She was at Chapel Hill last year promoting her book! Many faculty members here are good friends with her, excellent citation.
s. This incorporation of experience in order to bring context to data can be thought of as humanistic analysis.
this is the meat of your argument here, if you were to expand the paper, I would open this up a little more.
Using the tie between slavery in the past and race in the present, slavery can be understood as a type of language in modern discussions.
Excellent.
he perpetual impact of slavery on our nation is exemplified when Ira Berlin discusses how black actors taking on the role of enslaved peoples in a play affected their personal lives after shows.
Good.
These statistics beg the questions: Are Black people really even free in today’s society? If not, how do we combat the ways they are enslaved by modern institutions?
Good.
identify pervasive tendencies and structures that lend themselves to propagating narratives of the past within society, as opposed to using data to categorically define peoples based on characteristics
I think it might be important to discuss why this is different than the data set you are critiquing.
This map shows modern manifestations of Afro-Pessimism's existence in society.
you want to draw out this statement a little more, give me more explanation about the links between these two concepts.
The rest of this Story Map will address the mentioned superposition structures put in place by the slave trade onto the United State's post-slavery society.
Good!
While this word means different things to different people
This is a throwaway statement, as a scholar, you can use whatever definition you feel is most appropriate. Just go right into defining it.
nherent link between modern race relations and the country’s history of slavery,
you would typically want a "they say" in here to help support your thesis.
make up a disproportionate amount of the institutions or organizations that fund such memorials.
Good.
The way in which academic institutions and formal organizations go about memorializing experience must change.
You would need to illustrate how these institutions currently memorialize experience.
by nor for the people negatively impacted by the middle passage.
An interesting counterpoint, is how do we know who was impacted? We do not have a written account, so what do we do?
abstraction between experience and data
I think you want to open this up and explain this a little more.
trade
A way to expand this, if you want to, is to argue how do we start this process of remembrance?
PWI
spell out the first time you use this--predominately white institution.
digitization
You might want to define this for your paper.
This example goes to show that data without an accompanying humanistic analysis—an exploration of the world of the enslaved from their own perspective–is incapable of creating a full representation of experience
Excellent.
experience
experience of...
Jessica Marie
Just say Johnson
data
numbers feels better here. Historical "data" usually is not called data, so I think it might fit better to say number.