443 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2019
    1. White feminism has existed for centuries and continues to disenfranchise the experiences of women of color. Whether it be through silencing women of color by belittlement, arrogance, or usurping of power, white feminism continues to mute voices that do not specifically cater to white issues or that might make the lofty goals of feminism more difficult.

      You did not get to this conclusion in a clear or purposeful way. Outline, re-organize, and cite.

    2. Sanders

      n't understand the role of this paragraph in this essay. It started as being about white feminism. now its about sanders and race. maybe this could be ok, but in the current organization schema, its just confusing...

    3. The power structures between black and white suffragists in the 20th century are still influencing how politicians view race and how certain subjects are able to gain leverage and others are disregarded completely.

      or maybe structural racism is influencing both

    4. According to the New York Times, he “struggled to prioritize and execute a winning plan to build their [black voters’] support

      Ember disagrees as well, apparently. "struggled to prioritize" and "completely neglected" are completely different things.

    5. While the problems to which feminism are geared have changed significantly since the early 20th century, the racial power structures at play are still very much the same.

      I don't know that either of these things are true. In fact, I doubt they are. Either flesh out and argue, or cite.

    6. This disenfranchisement led to the creation of a movement that was implicitly limited to the white and wealthy—women who could campaign, fundraise, instill change, and bring consistency and reliability to the movement.

      Interrogate the assumptions you make here - or cite someone who has thought it through expansively.

    7. While Warren was able to legitimize both her and others’ Native American voices, she did so through a cloud of whiteness that disregarded true Native American adversity (Osterheldt)

      Flesh this out, I don't completely understand it.

    8. Warren decided to confront her issues with President Donald Trump’s attack of her supposed Native American ancestry by taking a DNA test that proved she was, to some very small extent, Native American

      Make this sentence better, too much vague language

  2. Mar 2019
  3. wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com
    1. After analyzing real world examples of the ‘problematic’ existence of the African-American youth demographic in postmodern American society, as well as examining the work of multiple experts on the topic of adultification as well as in the fields of psychology and sociology, with the information presented, it would be remiss to deny the large extent to which African-American youths are detrimentally affected by adultification in postmodern America including by hyper-penilization and sexualization.

      I haven't learned anything about hyper-penalization (not a word I've seen used) or sexualization from this essay. You say the same thing "African-American youth are effected badly because people in power see them as adults." SO I got that. I also have two examples. I have nothing else. Give me more.

    2. The research of Professor Philip Goff of the University of London also provides indispensable information regarding the detrimental effects of adultification, specifically in relation to criminality. In an excerpt taken from Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls’ Childhood Epstein, Gonzalez and Blake state, Professor Philip Goff and colleagues published an experimental study demonstrating that from the age of 10, Black boys are perceived as older and more likely to be guilty than their white peers, and that police violence against them is more justified.19 Even seasoned police officers sampled in the study consistently overestimated the age of Black adolescent felony suspects by approximately 4.5 years (Epstein et al 4).

      Set this up in the opposite way. Argument (cite). Not This is what such and such said.

    3. A look at the increasing amount of academic literature being released regarding the detrimental effects of the adultification of the African-American youth demographic also provides a lucid insight into the extent of these detrimental effects.

      deally, sources are integrated into your argument and cited. You don't make an argument and then name things later.

    4. n light of this information the reader is provided with yet another case where the adultification of a member of the African-American youth demographic resulted in detrimental consequences for the black youth.

      This argument needs to move forward. Did you outline first? A point, two examples, and the same point do not 2000 words make...

    5. This compelling information from the Georgetown Law Center on Poverty and Inequality coupled with the details of the case provided by the Washington Post perhaps reveal the real motivations behind officer Casey’s conduct that afternoon.

      I don't think this follows.

    6. Within these descriptions from the Washington Post the reader sees that again, something about the appearance of the victim incurred negative repercussions.

      Would this have been ok is she had been an adult woman? Like, can a white man just beat up a black woman and its fine, but its not ok if she is a girl and is just mistaken for a woman?

    7. According to the article there was no evidence that officer Casebolt was ever in imminent danger, nor were there any signs of visible injuries or bruising which would indicate that Casebolt was justified in using excessive force

      Cite more widely.

    8. Rice’s adultification resulted in his death

      I would argue that the police shooting him with no accountability resulted in his death. At least acknowledge something to this effect.

    9. His alleged appearance as a twenty something year old male increased his credibility as a threat as a twenty-something year old male intending harm with a gun presents a much higher security risk than a prepubescent boy pretending to shoot strangers with a toy gun.

      Is this true? Would it be ok to shoot a twenty year old?

    10. Although Smith’s activity only ended in a lesson learned as a result of a stern word from his father, many other members of the African-American youth demographic in similar situations did not endure such an innocuous fate.

      Just say what you are trying to say. Maybe "Smith got a sern word from his father, but many other African-American youths are not so easily let off."

    11. Not only does this data verify the existence of the detrimental effects of adultification for members of the African-American youth demographic, it highlights one of the major forms which these detrimental effects take, police violence.

      You don't need to tell me what the quote says. I can read the quote. That's why you included it - so I could read it.

    12. What Smith’s father is attempting to teach him about is the existing tendency of American society to absolve African-American youths of their innocence, especially in cases involving or possibly involving criminal activity.

      'm not sure how this follows from the previous sentence. He can't play guns because he is not seen as a child? Explain that if so.

    13. An examination of real word examples of the adultification of African-American youths and its effects on the African-American youth demographic provides empirical evidence which supports the claim that the African-American youth demographic is to a large extent negatively affected by adultification in American society.

      How is this sentence saying something different than the last sentence?

    14. By critically inspecting the work of some of the prevailing experts on this topic including the Georgetown School of Law, Michael J. Dumas, Joseph Derrick Nelson, Phillip Attiba Goff, Vanessa Williams, Matthew Christian Jackson and others as well as by examining real world examples, it becomes apparent that to a large extent the adultification of African-American youths in post-modern American society has multiple detrimental effects on the African-American youth demographic including hyper-penilization and sexualization.

      "Examining examples and reading the work of prominent public intellectuals makes it impossible to avoid the reality that treating African-American youths as adults hurts them in many ways."

    15. One of these inescapable questions is, to what extent is the African-American youth demographic negatively affected by adultification in post-modern American society?

      I don't understand this question, or why it is inescapable. Actually, I would argue people escape asking the question all the time.

    16. The experience described in the poem, as well as an increasing quantity of recently published literature regarding the effects of adultification on the disproportionate penilization and sexualization of African-American youth in post-modern American society all raise a multitude of cogent questions.

      Re-write this sentence, and cite the recently published literature.

  4. Feb 2019
    1. The seconds long clip in the Gillette advertisement underscores a huge social problem facing the United States. Criminalizing abortion is a way of silencing women, maintaining the dominance of the white male demographic, and perpetuating racial and economic inequality. By taking away reproductive rights, women become incubators instead of people. While abortion is currently protected by Roe v. Wade, campaigns to overturn it in addition to other laws such as Alabama’s Personhood laws show that this basic right is threatened. It is crucial to recognize the destructive safety and social implications of making abortion illegal.

      ll of this works really well.

    2. On a basic level, abortion rights are about power dynamics and equality between men and women, but when examined more closely, it is also an issue of racial and economic injustice.

      You have argued the second, but not necessarily the first.

    3. Even if the Bible explicitly stated abortion is wrong, it should have no bearing on the formation of laws in the United States. In theory, separation of church and state keeps religion from dictating law. The only reason criminalizing abortion related to the church is entertained seriously by the government is because it is promoted by individuals of Christian religions. If laws were suggested based on Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, or another religion, it would likely be shot down as a conflict with separation between church and state. Separation of church and state only applies to non-Christian religions. One person’s religion should not govern the body of another.

      ink you might be better off just with this, and cutting all or most pf the previous paragraph.

    4. These racialized differences have a combination of causes

      ll have to talk about the racialization of poverty to bridge the gap between what you were talking about - wealth - and what you are now talking about - race

    5. Despite the risks, some facilities provided safe illegal abortions, but they come at a cost.

      this and tell me the history if you are going to bring it up. This is not a well-known phenomenon, so it is particularlyimportant that you be thorough.

    6. Illegal abortions cannot be regulated, while legal abortions happen in sterile environments with qualified staff that must obey laws and regulations that protect patients.

      Re-work this sentence, perhaps "are required to be performed"

    7. Criminalizing abortion does not always “save” babies in the way some people intend, it instead means safe conditions are not attainable for most people

      Try: "While criminalization does not eliminate abortions, it does render safe procedures unattainabele for most people" or something similar.

    8. While this is currently overridden by Roe v. Wade, if it is ever repealed, abortion would be illegal, and there would be other less-publicized ramifications

      Re-work this sentence

    9. By being unable to choose to have an abortion, it takes away free will and therefore personhood, and conveys that the woman’s role as a mother is more important than any reason she could want an abortion,  perpetuating social values of women solely as mothers

      DOn't repeat in the first part of the sentence. Just say the end part, its the only new information.

    10. When reproductive rights are limited, the right to make choices for oneself is taken away, thus stripping women of personhood.

      Seems repetitive here, without really adding information.

    11. It is important to note that while referred to as women in this essay, the issues discussed can apply to all people that identify as women, regardless of their sex organs, and reproductive rights do apply to all those that do not identify as women but have female sex organs (i.e. agender, transgender male without reassignment surgery, etc.).

      Much clearer! I remember this from last time! YAAAASSSS!

    12. Pro-life sentiments strip women of their personhood, disproportionately affect people of color and of low socioeconomic status, and inaccurately cite religion in order to fulfill their own agenda.

      cite.

    13. By attempting to “translate” for the woman, he is conveying that what she has to say is not valid until it passes through the lips of the white man.

      Make this more subtle, or cite a piece of scholarship that gives this as an example of diminishment

  5. Jan 2019
  6. wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com
    1. The Rwandan genocide is one of the most misunderstood massacres of the modern era. According to the BBC, despite some foreign involvement, issues with understanding what was happening because of the complex racial, political, and colonial tensions led to little being done by organizations like the United Nations. Today, the continued lack of knowledge on the genocide has led to its problematic portrayal in literature, particularly by new scholars, and the widespread misunderstanding of the Rwandan people and culture.

      This has the capacity to be great. Title each paragraph. Rearrange into a coherent argument using an outline. Push post.

    2. Uvin states that this argument completely forgets the input from actual Rwandans and exists purely to complement the preexisting belief that the genocide was a purely internal fault and that it occurred simply because “obedience is a fixed quality of Rwandan culture” (84).

      excellent point about voice.

    3. “new” scholars tend to have adopted only the basic social-constructivist interpretation of events in which the racial and political divides existed far before colonial intervention

      what does this mean?

    4. Peter Uvin caustically describes how “it is interesting to see all the young Ph.D. candidates from good American and Eur

      I feel like an outline would have been helpful. I've no idea where we are right now, or where we are going.

    5. white countries, such as France and the United Kingdom

      can't just throw this out here like that. "predominantly-white" "European ethno-states" "colonizing nations"

      But "white countries" requires a thorough justification.

    6. According to author Noam Schimmel, the inherent and historical racism possessed by foreign aid workers in Rwanda—and the validation of the Hutu prejudices against Tutsi people by cultured Whites—culminated in the genocide (408

      Fascinating

    1. After reviewing the work of multiple leading sociologists and psychologists, as well as analyzing recent data and information from current news sources , it would be remiss to deny the existence of workplace inequity in post-modern America and the detrimental effects it has had on the African-American population. An ever-increasing wage gap, discriminatory hiring tendencies, the continued over and under representation of African Americans in  the service and labor sector as well as in the managerial and executive sector respectively, represent only a small portion of the constantly increasing database of information and statistics which corroborate this claim. Action to remedy this must be implemented in order to continue to move towards a ‘post-partisan’, ‘post-racial’ society.

      I want this to more closely mirror the intro paragraph

    2. Averhart, Bigler and Liben’s data provides compelling evidence that workplace inequity in post-modern America still drastically and detrimentally affects African Americans. Marked differences in the presence of African American ve

      I want this to be more clearly structured. It doesn't feel like there is an outline.

    3. “Though the colored man is no longer subject to be bought and sold, he is still surrounded by an adverse sentiment which fetters all his movements.

      I love things that start with quotes. Cite.

    1. oxic masculinity practices, especially in creating a stigma around emotional intimacy and vulnerability in men has created dangerous psychological effects. In addition, research has shown that in our own society and in our own homes we incite these unrealistic expectations for men to live up to. It is important to recognize that while the patriarchy bestows privilege upon men, it also constrains them to live within the features that traditional masculinity concepts has elevated as masculine. Perhaps the bigger picture that should be gained here is understanding that until we as a society become more aware of how this feature of toxic masculinity effects a majority of our population, we will be no closer to solving the issues of gender inequalities and gender stigma.

      This reads like it had an outline. This is the highest compliment I can give.

    2. In the case of expressing emotions, a man might be condemned or branded with titles like “sissy” for simply conveying something that is inherently natural to humans but disruptive to the concept of “masculine characteristics”. The standards and requirements that toxic masculinity reinforces causes detrimental psychological effects (American Psychological Association, Boys and Men Guidelines Group, 2018)

      Good here

    3. While the Gillette ad didn’t directly allude to the emasculating undertone of male vulnerability, I found the scene of a little boy crying while being comforted by a woman significant.

      This would be better if you argued that it was objectively significant rather than just significant to you.

    4. The most recent Gillette ad demonstrates the adverse effects toxic masculinity injects in U.S. society. The video also reflects on how traditional gender norms can be reframed to make progress towards gender equality, gender stereotypes and double standards.

      Cite. I disagree.

    1. In better familiarizing the public about both who is affected by mass incarceration and what the consequences of the social issue are, the public can build its understanding of the world around while also giving a voice to the voiceless and those rendered at a disadvantage due to society’s processes. Furthermore, understanding such struggle opens the door for those informed individuals to approach injustice with a forceful vengeance in order to improve society past the status quo.

      This should more closely mirror the introduction.

    2. Inequality has plagued society since its very beginning as slavery, marginalization, and segregation have deeply rooted themselves in the history of mankind.

      I disagree. Cite. Also, don't say mankind. That's not a thing anymore.

    1. On a basic level, abortion rights are about power dynamics and equality between men and women, but when examined more closely, it is also an issue of racial and economic injustice. Criminalizing abortion is a way of silencing women, maintaining the dominance of the white male demographic. By taking away reproductive rights, women become incubators instead of people. In the current political climate, there is the threat of eliminating reproductive rights. Individual states are passing laws that will take effect if Roe vs. Wade is overturned, and some states have laws that do not conflict with Roe v. Wade but limit abortion and reproductive rights.

      Your conclusion should match your introduction, or the essay went astray somewhere. We started with Gillette...

    2. Even if the Bible explicitly stated abortion is wrong, it should have no bearing on the formation of laws in the United States. The only reason this law based on religion is entertained seriously by the government is because it is promoted by individuals of Christian religions. If laws were suggested based on Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, or another religion, it would likely be shot down as a conflict with separation between church and state. Separation of church and state only applies to non-Christian religions. One person’s religion should not govern the body of another.

      At the very least, this needs its own paragraph, which an outline would have called seperation of church and state.

    3. Dr. Parker even stated that the association between religion and pro-life was not even established until the 1980s.

      This is well-established. Also, its the association between Christianity and anti-abortion, not religion. Most religions aer fine with it. Cite.

    4. While the decision to terminate a pregnancy regardless of legality can cause emotional distress, adding the factor of criminality to the equation produces even more stress for the patient

      cite

    5. Criminalizing abortion does not always “save” babies in the way some people intend, it instead just means safe conditions ar

      This is about abortion. I should have knon that from the first paragraph.

    6. These rules treat women more as a commodity rather than a person, with such specific limitations on their freedoms.

      This is not quite on point. The inncubator thing was closer. Some would argue that birth control and abortion allow women to be commodified, and thats actually an intellectually clearer argument. Stick with incubator.

    7. Personhood laws make it so that when the fetus’s rights and the mother’s rights are at odds, the fetus’s rights will take priority. Taking away reproductive rights conveys the message that women do not have decisional capability, as the choice has already been made for them by predominantly male lawmakers. By being unable to choose to terminate a pregnancy, it takes away free will and therefore personhood, and conveys that the woman’s role as a mother is more important than any reason she could want an abortion.

      Cite all of this

    8. It is important to note that while referred to as women in this essay, the issues discussed apply to all people with female reproductive organs regardless of their gender identity.

      The usual inclusive statement refers to all those who identify as women being women. Limitigng women to those with female reproductive organs not only excludes trans women (who I suspect you were trying to incorporate), but excludes women who have had hysterectomies, for example.

    1. These are only a few cases of Black girls being arrested at a young age

      This is where I noticed there was no outline. This feels both tangential and repetitive. What is the plotline here?

    2. These controlling images of Black girls influence people’s perception of them, from the very beginning. They are held to a different standard in school. Misinterpretations of Black girls often revolve around their tone or the association that’s made of Black girls being violence

      cite

    3. In another school, a girl accidently pushed another student in the hallway and was tasered by a police officer. A simple mistake by a Black girl can lead to sheer violence by authorities due to the belief that she may be committing a ‘violent’ act. She was then arrested and faced charges of battery on a security resource office, disrupting a school function and resisting with violence[3]. The girl reacted in self-defense. Children should not be arrested for such minor mistakes. All these examples show that the zero-tolerance policy is brutal – the most innocent mistake made by a children can be blown up by school authorities and in a blink of an eye, the child can end up arrested. It’s important to note that the children who are subjected to this unfair treatment are those who may be different, whether it be race, sexual orientation or learning abilities from their fellow classmates.

      Here is another way of narrating this: "As schools have become more sensitive to children's needs, and propelled by a number of high profile suicides among children aged 8-12, anti-bullying policies are increasingly zero-tolerance. Even relatively minor assaults and threats that would have once been overlooked are now punished to spare existing and potential victims and make schools a safe space for all." Best to consider the badness of zero-tolerance in terms of social ramifications rather than in terms of moral absolutes.

    4. By removing children from their schools, they end up in juvenile detention centers and ultimately, end up on a path to prison

      This is more complicated than this. Also, cite.

    1. Undocumented immigrant populations are at the mercy of the needs of large meat processing corporations through their labor policies and effects on local communities. Recently, there has been difficulty finding domestic labor for these facilities as unemployment rates are low and the Trump administration has cracked down on immigration, leading to an increasing reliance on undocumented, and unchecked, labor. Workers face a plethora of occupational hazards in the facility and also by living in the surrounding community. Undocumented populations face the brunt of this corporate disparity due to the threat of deportation.  

      good, except for last sentence . if this is the last sentence, then I need to have read more about the threat of deportation earlier.

    2. Like most low skill jobs healthcare isn’t included to any of the employees, decreasing the rate at which employees report workplace injuries (Barboza, 2001). 

      This doesn't seem to follow, at least not the way the sentence is currently structured.

    3. Regardless of labor shortages, worker treatment is one of the biggest problems in low-skill industries with a lack of safety measures and incidents remaining significantly unreported.

      This is a really great paragraph. Very hepful to the arguemtn.

    4. It is not a coincidence that rural counties with a meat-packing-facilities supported Trump and his anti-immigration policies in the 2016 presidential election.

      fascinating

    5. One of the biggest shifts in labor in the late 20th century within the meat processing industry was the shift from white, unionized labor to immigrant ununionized labor.

      Cite. ALso - re-work sentence.

    6. With recent federal immigration crackdowns and low unemployment rates across the country meat packing giants such as Swift and Tyson have found it difficult to find workers in such a demanding sector.

      Is it because its demanding? That doesn't seem right to me.

    7. American

      US. America is a continent (well, in Latin AMerica it is a continent, in the US we teach there are two continents, North and SOuth). Mexicans, Central Americans, Colombians, Paraguayans, Argentineans, Canadians - all are Americans and all labor markets are American. If you mean U.S. say U.S.

    1. The age of mass incarceration also birthed an era of police brutality and violence

      Uh oh. This seems to come out of the blue. Needed more words is my guess. An outline is my solution.

    2. Many boys that go down that terrible path are subjected to the street-life of “hustling” and selling drugs. The girls that spiral down this road go into prostitution and get “pimped out”

      cite.

    3. Immediately disciplining these children without trying to figure out the root of the problem is automatically labeling them as delinquents, which later turns into labeling them as criminals.

      cite.

    4. Exclusionary punishments, expulsions and suspensions, inhibits the learning process. The more time spent out of school, the more behind and disengaged these students are compared to other students.

      Here is where I notice that you didn't have an outline.

    5. This stigma against students of color contributes to a sense of hopelessness and doubtfulness in their abilities

      cite. when you do, you'll see not all students of color experience the same treatment. Black students are criminalized. Latinx students are invisible and expected to silently fail before dropping out entirely. East and South Asian students are expected to be great at math with no intervention, and pass language arts. Read on it and cite.

    6. lighter hue

      Pet peeve: race is not about color. while colorism certainly exists, you are setting up a strict white.black dichotomy, so unless you are going to explore colorism (tough to do in an essay of this length), stick to what you are talking about.

    7. these issues significantly impact Black children with the school to prison pipeline and hyper-criminalization of Black girls.

      I thought you would mention the 2.7 million US children with at least one parent incarcerated.

    8. The United States has a consistent trend of disproportionately imprisoning people of color, specifically Black Americans.

      cite. also: Black American includes African Americans and naturalized immigrants and their children from Southern Africa and the non-Hispanic Caribbean (also sometimes the indigenous people of Oceania, depending). The latter group has experienced VERY different patterns of policing in the US. You must acknowledge the difference or speak solely to the realities of African Americans - the descendants of enslaved populations in the United States.

    1. Assignment 1: First Draft

      super solid, overall. Needed an outline, sometimes loses thread of argument. Also - do not assume your audience has your fundamental perepective. How would I read this if I was coming from the other side of the world? Would it resonate?

    2. The claims portraying the Gillette advertisement as offensive towards men, and a scheme to pander to politically correct millennials for capitalistic gain, are invalid and seemingly mean to inhibit progress. If teaching your little girl to say she is strong makes you feel uncomfortable, or you consider it an attack to be told to teach your sons not to be violent towards one another, then you must take a long, hard look at how you perceive gender. Gillette had no intention of slandering their demographic when they made this commercial, because that would be ridiculous. The real purpose was to spread feminist ideals into the minds of men, to tell men that they are capable of bettering the lives of the people around them and their families if they know what gendered injustices are and when they happen. Feminism is both for men and women. Anyone can be hurt by society’s traditional ideals of the masculine and the feminine, and Gillette’s advertisement sought to deliver the message to men of what they can do to solve this issue.

      good conclusion

    3. affliction

      The framing of affliction is why many men are insulted. Imagine you were accused of suffering from a disease that was actually your belief system. Hard to hear... Also intellectually suspect.

    4. Men on the other hand, often think that feminism is not targeted towards them, and therefore traditional masculinity has largely remained untouched and un-criticized until recent.

      I disagree. CIte.

    5. At this point, most women have turned away from this ideal and focus more on building their careers.

      I disagree. Most women in the world are still very focused on the attributes you deem traditionally feminine. Also, cite that earlier statement, and this one.

    6. If men find this offensive, then they either do these things and do not want to be told they are bad, or they think that it is a false claim that men do these things at all.

      Correct. But again, so what?

    7. This is not to say that men do this all the time and are evil creatures trying to take women’s voices away, it is just pointing out that this is something that occurs, and men should try to avoid it.

      The #notallmen thing softens the blow, but is unnecessary.

      more philosophically - why should men try to avoid it? these tactics increase gender privilege. why should they purposefully give up power?

    8. To say that what Gillette is promoting in this advertisement is offensive to men, is to say that toxic masculinity should be accepted and those who suffer from it should continue to suffer

      perhaps. so what?

    9. The advertisement is hardly even an advertisement, considering their main goal is not to sell you something, they are just trying to get a message across to their mostly male demographic.

      i think there is a whole sector of advertisement that is just branding. DOes this not fall within that?

    10. The message from the old advertisement is ‘use our products and women will be attracted to you’, which is a heteronormative, almost predatory theme. Gillette then directly responds to their past selves with their new message, which is to stick up for women and men. It is almost like Gillette is leading by example and wants their male viewers to own up to how they may have wrongfully dealt with gender in the past.

      ok. but i'm not sure how this paragraph fits into an overall structure yet. Help me by making that clear.

    11. The Gillette commercial had a positive message which reached a powerful audience; it was not for capitalistic gain nor was it created to insult men

      How do you know? cite. Or say "I argue that..."

    1. The attempted erasure and elimiation of Black English reflects racism that is not only thread through our systems of education but also through the strucutre of our society. The Miseducation of young Black children and the insistence on codeswitching reflects a violent assault on Black culture. However resilient, and adaptive codeswitching has proved to be, the necessity and importance of navigating complex interactions has been created through replicated systems of oppression. This oppressive system seeks to only value the the norm, being that of white values, standard English which must be understood, fundamentally as white privilege.

      I love every single thing here. ANd I think the conclusion should stay here, with the intro expanded by maybe a sentence, even though your reviewer thinks otherwise. Decide on your own, of course, making the argument for one or the other.

    2. She argues that his ability to codeswitch and maintain composure saved him his life

      This actually gets to the heart of essentializing race - who is to say Gates speaks AAVE?

    3. The violence against Black English in classrooms is described by Joyce King as a form of dysconcious racism in that it ‘accepts the existing order of things’, endorsing the dominant White norms and privileges.

      Preach.

      Also, cite King here.

    4. The concept of codeswitching, from pluralism, validates the cultural importance and communicative abilities of Black English, while also insisting that the non-standard dialect is effective only in a given context and that students must speak standard English ‘for the purposes of upward socioeconomic mobility’ (Howard, 1996).

      clear up the pluralism clause, but also - this is absolutely excellent.

    5. Today, and since the development of AAVE, the ways in which standard English and AAVE interact have replicated systems of oppression that ‘other’ Black bodies and force them to conform to using standard English.

      rethink relationship between bodies and linguistic conformance. Its not quite spot on

    6. all these are double quotes not single quotes. single quotes are pretty much just for quotes inside of quotes. Natalie said "When he said 'I'm writing' I said 'Good thing!'"

  7. wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com
    1. Before long, toxic masculinity will be a thing of the past, but it will take the full effort of everyone to end this horrid cycle.

      These two things do not follow. If it will take everyone's full effort to end, then it is not going anywhere.

    2. toxic masculinity does exist and that they should never be afraid to be who they are

      insofar as toxic masculinity is a thing, then tey should be very afraid to be who they are. women get killed for that very thing. all. the. time.

    3. Men have a responsibility to not only to be vocal in their communities, but to also practice being a positive member of that community.

      This has not been shown in this essay thusfar.

    4. Toxic masculinity must be ended for the sake of the future generations, and in order to do this, words must match actions.

      This does not follow from your essay, whee you have argued that men say they are super-misogynistic.

    5. The strongest buildings known to man have crumbled from the smallest of cracks, and the same applies to toxic masculinity

      What does this mean? Also - I assume you mean known to people.