1,337 Matching Annotations
  1. Oct 2017
    1. The purpose of the text is to give insight of how religion and the people influenced is affected by the practice of abortion.

      Lets really look at the sentence-level work here... Do you hear confusion in terms of verb agreement?

    2. Harvard International Review, (4)

      This source resonates well with the early ones on this list

    3. Shaw, L. (2016). ‘Right to life’: cause alive and well. The New American

      Good. Any other academic sources?

    4. Jeff Landauer and Joseph Rowlands

      Are they lawyers? Scholars? Why should we listen to them?

    5. CNSNews who

      What do you know about this source? It's particular bias?

    6. The intended audience are those who are having problems with making decisions on their own and who want more information on the constitutional natural human right “right to life”

      Very general... Can you imagine a more specific audience>?

    7. Evidence provided within the source is based on controversial issues today, such as abortion, and sex orientation in which it gives the educational background of sex and what are the steps taken to solve an issue

      yes but what kind?

    8. The intended audience is the terminally ill, disabled, and women on the basis of abortion and pregnancy

      What do you mean here?

    9. The evidence that exist on the organization’s website are legislation articles that identify the rights of humans in both federal and state legislation, who also gives insight on today’s national issues dealing with the human right to life


    10. The nation’s oldest & largest pro-Life organization,

      Quotation marks needed if this is their exact langauge.

    11. nation’s oldest & largest pro-Life organization.” National Right to Life

      access date?

    12. The intended audience are for the terminally ill/disabled who want to know the basis of “right to life” or a broader audience in which they are trying to interpret/understand the United Nations claim on “right to life”.

      Aren't law makers and politicians primarily interested in this? ngo's?

    13. Based on the draft, “General comment No. 36” in article 6 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights says, “States parties may not regulate pregnancy or abortion in a manner that runs contrary to their duty to ensure that women do not have to undertake unsafe abortions”

      What kind of evidence?

    14. As a citizen of the land of the free, the United States, do you feel as if you have exercised the natural human right, “right to life” to its extremity or to its full potential?

      Interesting move here. What if you started your intro with this?

    15. I learned that the “right to life” is not taken to be relative in today’s society in which the United Nation I pushing to make the natural right more relative and to give individuals the courage to make decisions at their free will.

      What does this mean?

    16. he sources I have used to accompany my research on overall women’s health and how it has encouraged and contributed to the most used phrase in politics today, “Right to Life” have all provided information pertaining to the ones self-evaluation and decisions.

      What does this mean?

    1. Planned Parenthood is an organization that provides vital reproductive health care, sex education, and information to millions of people around the world. They main targeted audience is women but can be provided to all genders and sex orientations. The main purpose of the organization is to aid women’s health by providing the most efficient healthcare. Planned Parenthood as a facility and organization want to provide a reliable institution and source to go to for service or informational help. Not only women but teen girls would also find this health source beneficial and reliable because it gives insight and information on sex, STD’s,  pregnancy, abortion and its options, etc.

      This isn't following the 5-sentence format yet. Why not?

    2. Parenthood, Planned.

      Only offer a person's name in this section.

    1. I love what's in academic discourse: learning, intelligence, sophistication-even mere facts and naked summaries of articles and books; I love reasoning, in- ference, and evidence; I love theory. But I hate academi

      "discourse" here is two things: a) things being discussed; b) the language conventions employed to discuss them. what about "construed"? Things being 'construed'?

    2. dilemma. In doing so I will as- sume an ostensive definition of academic discourse: it is the discourse that academics use when they publish for other academics. And what characterizes that discourse? This is the question I will pursue h

      Definition: He's using the term to define the term? Who let him do this?

    1. The intended audience is people who are trying to understand who and why people believe what

      Who reads the Annals of the American Association of Geographers?

    2. e.” (Palm 883).

      Why not Feng?

    3. ay.”( Beitler 1).

      nice to put this key quotation in here. Do you need the last name? Why or why not?

    4. he purpose of this article is to inform people about how climate change is affecting storms by making them more powerful. The intended audience for this article is concerned people about the devastating impacts of hurricanes, and people who want to know why hurricane Irma and Harvey were so huge. P

      Who reads this news source?

    5. Climate change activist or even Climate change deniers would find this podcast helpful because it gives a psychological view of  why people deny climate change.

      Is this everyone? Won't marketers, activists, other researchers be interested in this?

    6. psychological distance.

      Does this need quotation marks? Is it a key phrase?

    7. This article gave me a more in-depth knowledge on climate change and its effects, but it only gave me a little bit of a psychologist facts with how kids and be traumatized and affected long term.

      nice detail

    8. Michael Oppenheimer a professor of Geoscience and internal Affairs and Jesse Anttila-Hughes assistant professor wrote The Science of Climate Change started off with how the greenhouse effects work, how we know the world is getting hotter because of human activity, and then also explain the source of scientific Knowledge about climate change and the models’ scientist use to predict the effects of climate change in the future, and they focused on how climate change effects children.

      Work on distilling the thesis: What is the authors' main point?

    9. Stoll-Leemann, O’Riordan, and Jaeger work with PIK Postsdam Institute of climate impact research wrote The Psychology of Denial Concerning Climate Mitigation Measures: Evidence From Swiss Focus Groups claim that Various studies of public opinion regarding the causes and consequences of climate change reveal both a deep reservoir of concern, yet also a muddle over causes, consequences and appropriate policy measures for mitigation.

      What does this mean?

    1. Hillary Clinton has also helped Black Lives Matter activists after intruding into her event. Hillary Clinton gave activists advice of the direction they should take in their movement.

      What does this have to do with the phrase?

    2.   get the word out that Black Lives Matter actually do matter.

      to get the word out about protests and actions, right?

    3. The students have reported  in 2014 , 66,159 tweets mentioned the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag

      Is this a lot? What about now? 2017?

    4. “Black Lives Matter” has  been culturally impacted by women. During an interview with Marcia Chatelan, she discusses not only has African American males been targeted by police officers, but so have women. African American women have  been profiled, harassed, sexually assaulted, and brutalized by police because of their gender.  “We know that girls and women of color are also dying. The question is: does anyone care” (Chatelain 3)? The interviewer, Kaavya Asoka, mentioned why the killings of women haven’t received the same attention has men? Chatelan believes  sexism has something to do on why women aren’t getting any attention.  Sexism is an act of being prejudice against women. Police being sexist against women because they believe a man’s skin color is more of a threat.

      What does this have to do with the phrase: Black Lives Matter?

    5. Marcia Chatelan

      who is this? why should we listen to her?

    6. people weren’t saying the phrase “Black Lives Matter”, but it was obvious that there were campaigns or movements to prevent discrimination and nonviolence acts.

      Great! You're moving the focus to the phrase. So what is the connection between the history of discrimination against black people in America and the phrase?

    7. Police officers who are being acquitted for their poor mistakes is a challenge to the criminal justice system because there wasn’t any justice served.

      What does the King incident have to do with the phrase Black Lives Matter?

    8. s ignored

      The phrase is ignored? By whom? I don't know anyone who hasn't heard or said that phrase. Most people I know have weighed in on the issues the phrase evokes. Be sure to make a clear distinction between the phrase and the thing/s the phrase represents.

    9. the expression Black Lives Matter, most of us will readily agree that it is a powerful organization

      The "expression" is "an organization"? What does that mean?

    1. nnotated Bibliographies

      Nice work using space, images, attribution, quotations, and the 5 sentence format (mostly)!

    2. I believe some politicians would find this text useful so they can be aware of how Black Lives Matter can impact politics.

      Who reads the independent? What is that source? What kind?

    3. we

      nice observation!

    4. oseph E. Peniel


    5. The students use tweets on Twitter to back up their evidence. In 2014, 66,159 tweets mentioned the “Black Lives Matter” hashtag.  

      Interesting and useful to have in here.

    6. Everyone would find this interview useful because they will learn that African American women need justice too.

      Not everyone.

    7. The purpose of this interview is  to inform people  that sexism still exists and  that police officers do not only target African American males, but women as well.

      This seems a little misleading, given your identification of the thesis. Few credible people believe that sexism doesn't exist (perhaps no credible people... there is plenty of evidence to suggest that it does). Can you get more precise and consistent in this assessment?

    8. The intended audience is everyone. 

      Nope. Use your imagination: who is likely to do something with the information she provides? Who is she addressing when she writes "My life matters'? Not her mother, let's hope.

    9. statistics t

      Where do they come from?

    10. Black Lives Matter, argues when and where did  the expression “Black Lives Matter” first emerged in public disclosure. She claims that Black Lives Matter originated in the South  of 1954.

      Can you combine these sentences? What happens when you do?

    11. intended audience is everyone

      Not everyone is going to be responsive to Edwards' message. Is she speaking to people who might have a wrongheaded idea of what BLM means? Who would that be? Or perhaps she's speaking to people who sympathize with her cause but don't fully participate? Why would she want to do that?

    1. other seen in the video above

      I think you need to keep your investigation broad. This video has nothing to do with autism. But you open with a definition of autism. How do these two things relate?

    1. mination and ultimately how to resolve these issues.

      And why is that useful to you?

    2. House RM, Thompson TL. Psychiatric As

      Right now this citation doesn't clearly convey the author.

    3. he sensitive topic of rejecting server transplant patients grasped my interest especially because the reason for their rejection is their mental disorders and disabilities. Most mental disorders like; Autism, puts patients in positions to not be able to speak up for themselves but they are surrounded by people who can. The mental disorder; Autism, is personal for me so I engaged in extensive research to attempt to answer the tough question: Is the reject of organ transplantation to autistic/ mentally disabled patients considered medical discrimination or is it medically ethical?

      This introduction begins to describe the controversy. It could use to go into greater detail, however. Autism is a spectrum, for instance. Some autistic people can very well speak for themselves...

    1. His recent article , ” Entrepreneurship:Productive, Unproductive, and Destructive” elaborate and evolve the  hypothesis of the varies entrepreneur differences.

      What does this mean?

    1. The thought about this time people that comes to mind is that is was most likely during the women’s movement.

      What does this mean?

    1. “Margaret L. Bauman, MD.”

      This is the title?

    2. I never honestly realized the scarcity of organs and the fight to just get on a list yet alone actually getting the actual organ

      How scarce are they?

    3. The Autism Research Foundation teamed up with the Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center at McLean Hospital in B

      So how many points of view exist on the issue? How could you make this very clear?

    4. Recently in today’s news the question surfaced who gets to make the call to grant someone a second chance at life and what qualities must you posses to be chosen or not to be.

      What do you mean? Say it plainly, directly. Be clear.

    5. Did you gain some insight?


      What if that's your reader's answer? Then you've lost them. What can you do to keep them reading about your important topic? We still don't know what the issue is.

    6. discrimination is raging

      What might make for an interesting and compelling beginning? Maybe an anecdote? A story? One that illustrates the problem?

    7. Mentally Disabled and the Approval of Organ Transplant

      If your focus is on autism, why not specify in the title?

    8. I’ll specifically be discussing autism so down below I provided a video to virtually step in the shoes of an autistic child and gain a better perception of the disability.

      Why not embed the video here? Why not begin with the video?

    1. Etymologies in Action

      So far, this is an issue investigation report.

    2. This controversy

      This post isn't about a term yet; it's about the controversy over PED's and the HOF. Not the same.

    3. this the “Steroid Era” when

      Is this the term you'll focus on?

    4. n the hall of fame? G

      Is this the term you'll focus on?

    5. It has been several controversy topics in the world recently and most topics consist in politics, sports, and technology. The topic I find most interesting is sports. I chose sports because I feel it has a better impact on me and my daily routines through life.

      Your writing gets interesting when it begins with your personal story. Thiese first few sentences are too general to be meaningful.

    1. “Zakkon Dratenko | Steroid Era – ZAK | 2015”

      Very useful to include the graphics, even the Twitter image...

    2. This source was helpful only because it gave me more than 2 sides or reasons to induct the “Steroid Era Players”

      Good. WHare are the "more than 2"?

    3. The author specific purpose was to educate people that was not just baseball fans but anybody who concerned on the topic to give them extra information for their final decision of yes or no.

      Why write this sentence? What good does it do for whom?

    4. The author for this article is Matt McHugh. Matt is qualified because The Aragon Outlook supports him to get his article qualified on there website.

      Just because a news source publishes what someone writes doesn't make him qualified to speak on a particular subject. I found Matt McHugh and turns out he's a journalism student: Matt McHugh (@mattmcsports27) is a sophomore studying journalism. He’s from the Bay Area and only roots for the good local sports teams (A’s, Raiders, Warriors and Sharks). His favorite sport is baseball, and hopes one day to get paid for doing something related to it. He likes dishing out hot takes (Derek Carr for MVP) and enjoys bumping some good ol’ country music in his spare time.


      Is this a high-quality source then?

    5. he author is Sports World and sports world were qualified by YouTube.com

      Who is "Sports World"? and what does "qualified by YouTube" mean? What's interesting about this YouTube post as a source is that it's really a PRIMARY source. It's the data itself, not someone analyzing or commenting on or editing that source, that's why this AB ends up being a summary and not an analysis of the source's usefulness.

    1. The power comes from the media, they televise and report on the situation to inform the people.

      This seems true for any issue. How does it inform this particular one?

    2. this is a topic that will continue to capture attention,

      Doesn't this mean the same thing? "it persists" & "will continue to capture attention"?

    3. College students are most effected by the term because they have to go to school with peers who might be carrying and that is intimidating and even frightening to some.

      What about campus police? They probably think about it more than students do, don't you think? What about teachers? What about teachers that give grades to students?

    4. Politically more states want to pass the campus carry into law in their respective states.

      Which states? Who is fighting them?

    5. Culturally the term is probably made fun of more than it is taken serious because of memes and social media

      Wow, really? Seems like a serious issue. Who is making fun of it? What memes are you talking about? Which social media outlets?

    6. they

      Who is "they"?

    7. students and staff of 16 states including Georgia to carry concealed weopons on college campuses

      This needs a complete sentence, I think. Who are "the people"?

    1. become a free agent too?

      When did this term come into the social discourse? Where can we find it? In what contexts?

      There's a lot missing here. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2017/09/24/amid-trumps-nfl-war-photos-of-martin-luther-king-jr-taking-a-knee-resurface/?utm_term=.d2e75e215fd5

    2. It doesn’t affect just the NFL

      How does it affect the NFL?

    3. I think the group most affected by this term are the players that choose to kneel instead of stand.

      Do you mean "most directly"?

    4. On the other hand, it’s about raising awareness about a country who oppresses their citizens

      There are two "uses" or interpretations for this term?

    5. o Donald Trump’s comment, wh

      GREAT use of the link here!

    6. times and was blackballed by the NFL,

      "teams" right? And do we know he was "blackballed"? WHo is saying so? Source?

    7. apart

      do you mean "part"?

    8. ntroversial topic.

      What about prayer? This seems like a particularly important part of the debate. Don't people "take a knee" in prayer?

    9. your epic fail

      Whose? Where did you learn this?

    10. multiple meanings

      What is your source for this?

    11. from the commanding officer

      What is your source for this?

    1. I believe Kendrick’s perceived audience is much wider than just that of the Black community. K. Lamar wants to reach everyone living underneath the reach and influence of this system.

      Why would you think this? Why would Lamar want to "reach" them? For what purpose?

    2. This begs the question, who supplied the bundles of cash for the group? My educated guess, the celebrity situated at the epicenter not holding money. Kendrick Lamar is the supplier of financial freedom and resources for those closest to him; this can possibly be extrapolated to the black community surrounding Kendrick, not just a few.

      Uh... they've killed the judge! I'd agree that Lamar not holding cash is significant. It's almost as though he's risen above the need to flaunt cash. He's happy (clearly) without it.

    3. one

      Who is "one"? I think you mean "anyone" which is one of the reasons this work isn't a practice in persuasion yet. (Unless I'm wrong...)

    1. No matter the sinaireo he admits to being depressed and obsessed in that detrimental state of mind that bounds him to pain and anger.

      And why would 14 year old girls want to hear this? Or why should they?

    2. These emotions and actions speak volumes, it acknowledges that depression isn’t gender or age specific. They lead to detrimental actions and thoughts

      Suggesting that young girls experiencing depression are likely to find a larger group when they listen to the album? Acknowledgement of the audience? They're likely to feel it?

    3. he understands the resentment that comes with being misunderstood and shunned

      How do you know this? What about the song communicates this to the extent that you believe it?

  2. Sep 2017
    1. At the start of the semester you will be assigned to Group 1 or Group 2.

      This week, Group 2 will compose a reading response....

    1. Unit Overviews

      This is a useful page for Independent Work points suggestions.

    1. Carbon dioxide a colorless,

      I really like this draft. It's super strong, especially because it presents a lot to work with. Bravo!

    2. Carbon Dioxide has a lot of power in changing the climate.

      So at this point we see your post has bloomed off topic. The post is about the term "carbon dioxide" not the THING carbon dioxide. How does this affect the way you think about the post?

    3. Many people have doubts about it, but when scientist come up with evidence it kind of makes them be more open to the idea.

      Who doubts? What is the basis for their doubts? How do "Climate Change Deniers" respond to the term or use the term?

    4. The impact of the term is big because it is some proof that climate change does exist.

      The term itself cannot be proof. What do you mean?

    5. e graph Carbon dioxide is warming the earth and causing climate change.

      This doesn't seem like very much. Why does it matter if temps rise .8 degrees? And what does this have to do with the controversy?

    6. According to scientist working with NASA the temperature has gone up due to the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the air.

      What does this graphic tell us? What does it have to do with carbon dioxide?

    7. climate change.

      Adding sources with high credentials to this could really boost ethos.

    8. ion. The plants absorb

      What is the connection between these two sentences?

    9. Carbon Dioxide

      Why capitalize the term throughout?

    10. Carbon Dioxide (Co2)

      Could you format this to bring focus and attention to the term? Maybe add information to the title, or a subtitle, that intimates it plays a role in the controversy?

    1. This is important

      Where did the image come from?

    2. confusing long names seem to give validity to the words for people who don’t understand them

      Interesting rhetorical analysis here. What's missing is discussion about how the terms, and their rhetorical effect, inform the controversy.

    3. Overall,

      "overall"? What does this word do to your meaning?

    4. s “biosimilar.

      WHo uses the term? Where did it come from? Where do we find it? How does it factor into the controversy?

    1. esha Wilcox Dr. Arrington ENGL 1102 20 September 2017

      This information is needed if you're writing a paper. This is a blog. Is there a reason you need it here?

    2. magine sitting in the Mercedes Benz Stadium watching an Atlanta Falcons game and all you hear is the crowd going “OOOOOO” from a hard hit that was giving out to an opponent

      Vivid start to this... But I think your personal story is more captivating.

    3. Should football still be considered at sport at this point?

      Wow... What else would we consider it?

    4. ur mind at that time.

      What does this have to do with concussions in the NFL?

    5. ust imagine sitting in the stadium or sitting at home watching the game and after a play is over you see your son laying out on the field hurt from a concussion. Your heart is pumping fast b

      Start with this paragraph. What happens when you do?

    1. eate spaces where different groups are able to effectively communicate big issues like cultural sensitivity, eurocentrism, and many more.

      Yep. Great topic.

    2. I feel that there is only debate on the use of the word because white persons are told not to use the word.

      But hip hop communities are criticized by other black communities for using the word. Are their hip hop artists who won't use the word?

    3. were


    4. usage, and lastly many people believe that no-one should use the word regardless of its contextual use

      Some people believe black people should use the word as a way of reclaiming it, too.

    1. ., 14 Apr. 2015. Web.

      Who is featured in the image below? What is it at the bottom? Give attribution to the image.

    2. Pro Athletes Playing For Free

      The controversy below seems not to be about paying athletes but about whether they should have to go to college. And you seem to be talking specifically about basketball, but I'm not sure.

    3. hese people who set the rules feel as if they are parenting the young athletes and getting them the education they need, however most athletes don’t stay for longer than the time required before they can enter the draft and in the case of the number 1 overall pick in the NBA Draft 2 years ago, Ben Simmons, he claims that he no longer went to classes or to the campus after the basketball season was over because he knew he wasn’t going to care about his GPA or his attendance for a school he would be leaving soon. 

      This very long sentence doesn't really make sense. What are you saying?

    4. f the teams t

      Which? without an introduction, we dont' know what you're talking about.

    5. The Players Association

      Whose? Which one?

    1. I stand with my father. I stand with Black Lives Matter. I stand with Colin Kaepernick. I do not and will not stand for the pledge of allegiance or America because it is not the land of the free and the home of the brave. People of color will never be truly free in America. My form of protest is the same as my father and many other Americans; boycott the NFL and fight social injustice and euqality by any means necessary.

      NIcely said.

    2. Sadly,

      Your position?

    3. a shocking form

      Who was shocked? Why?

    4. Activism in the NFL

      Be sure to give attribution/cite the image

    1. That’s why the Hall of Fame does represent and should represent: “a place for the best baseball players ever”.

      So isn't it debatable as to whether they're the greatest if they needed PEDs to achieve their "greatness"?

    2. entally or physically

      So what are the other POVs?

    3. All of these All-Stars had no thought of breaking the rules it was more to just have fun and be better than the best.

      Not true. Most of them hid the fact that they took PEDs and they lied about it.

    4. During this era

      What years are we talking about here?

    5. e PEDs.

      What are PEDs? What does it stand for?

    6. Perennial All Star

      Why capitalize these? Check capitalization throughout.

    1. a nurse at P

      Another POV? what do insurance companies say about this? Doctors groups?

    2. People with heart conditions and life threatening diseases don’t have a choice when it comes to buying medicine

      Another POV?

    3. obligation to shareholders to maximize profit a

      Another POV?

    4. $13.50 to $750 a pil

      All of these details need citation.

    5. According to many pharmaceutical companies the extra profit made from drug prices go into research and development.

      One POV?

    6. There are many points of view for this story, and only when all of them are taken into consideration can progress be made.

      This sentence sets me up so that I expect to read what these diferent POVs are, who holds them, and why. But the next paragraph doesn't really deliver this. Why not?

    7. different

      different? from what? are there different sets of "ethical rules" we all play by?

    8. he Price of Drugs

      Be sure to give attribution to all of your images: where do they come from? Who created the image? When?

      This info can go in the 'caption' aspect of your media library entry.

    9. certain pharmaceuticals.

      "certain" ones?

    10. this problem

      which exactly?

    11. ore than $608.61 in 2016.

      where do you get these figures?

    12.  less

      perhaps not at all affordable, right?

    13. righ

      Is this a "rights" issue? Or is it an "ethics" issue?

    14. more disturbing

      First tell us what makes it disturbing in the first place...

    1. The question is should gender identity be added to anti-discrimination laws. Browsing the internet, I came across a video of a transgender lady giving a speech about her life and what she encountered during her change and what kind of feedback she received. Seeking her own rights as an individual, she composed an email she sent out to her coworkers discussing her gender identity.

      Beautifully written!

    1. laws because I myself respect anyone despite their personal feelings and decisions. I can understand how it feels to stand out from everyone so passing the law would mean getting justice for those who stand out.

      This seems like a different, another, point of view. Some say it's dangerous because sex change medicine is still new and to encourage sex change by enacting laws tacitly supporting transgender identities is to encourage transgender people to engage in risky medicine; Some say laws supporting transgender identity endangers children; Some say transgender identity laws support the humanity of transgender people; AND some say laws should support everyone's personal choices. Are these last two synonymic?

    2. Coming from an article from the German Institute of Youth and Society, they believe we should not proceed with this action because it can cause damage in the long run.

      German? Why cite an article from Germany?

    3. enforcing this law will not completely stop the hate

      Nice acknowledgement here of the complexity of the issue. If "stopping the hate" isn't the point of the laws, what is?

    4. Known as “gender identity” meaning a person’s internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female. “Gender identity.”

      What do you mean here? The sentence fragment is confusing.

    5. Including the discrimination against race, color, religion, etc., should we make it illegal in all 50 states to discriminate against one individual who believes he or she should be of the other gender

      What does this mean? I think several ideas are smushed into one sentence here, resulting in confusion.

    6. Anti-discrimination laws are laws that serve the right to the people to all be treated as one. T

      What do you mean by this?

    7. Gender Identity laws.. Should they or should they not be added to our anti-discrimination laws?

      Instead of '...' how about ':'? Nice start. Clarifies the controversy.

    1. black non-Hispanic inmates were incarcerated at 4,347 out of 100,000 vs. 678 out of 100,000 white prisoners are incarcerated.

      Why put this text in bold, I wonder?

    2. 20,000 in 2017

      All of these details, the numbers, need citation.

    3. They don’t save the government any money

      According to whom?

    4. where abuse by the police is common thus all organizations working indirectly or directly are better for their supporters.

      So is the "issue" how to solve the problem or the problem itself?

    5. They are non-profits with various interests from ligitation to constitutional and civil rights and community engagement.

      What does this mean?

    6. More than 2,300,000 (2013) individuals are currently incarcerated in local, state, federal, Indian Country, immigration, prisons in territories, juvenile corrections, and other holding centers.

      This is a detail that needs citation. Perhaps link to the original source? But introduce it and cite it, too.

    7. The United States of America consists of the world’s 5% of the total population, yet it strikes home at 25% of the world’s prison population.

      Can you re-write this so there are fewer words, say 3-5 fewer? I'm noticing that your meaning gets skewed by imprecision frequently, though the sound of your writing resonates nicely. Perhaps cutting down on word number will force clarity in meaning

    1. I would agree with all the blame on the parents because of the control and influence they have on their children

      Even if they are poor and can't afford healthy food? And what about medical reasons for obesity? Does that factor in?

    2. have the voices that act

      So there are three different views on what causes the problem: 1) Poverty; 2) Parents; 3) Low esteem for children? Interesting!

    3. ncreasing childhood obesity rates. Blaming the sugar filled ready meals easily available on super market shelves and fast food chains, it would seem these are easy targets to give the accused obesity finge

      Nice placement of evidence here!

    4. According to Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2017), “The percentage of children with obesity in the United States has more than tripled since the 1970’s” (overview)

      What if the percentage goes from 1 to 3? That's not "a big concern..." is it?

    1. College universities generate so much money during the year that its only fair they give the athletes a share of it. The athletes should get paid based on the university’s apparel sales and revenue. The main reason the NCAA is not allowed to pay their college athletes is because they (the athletes) can lose his/her eligibility if they are paid to play. The scholarships the coaches use to lure the student athletes in are only recruitment tactics. The scholarships only pay for the student’s tuition, room and board and books, but the athletes don’t have any left for other needs.

      So this writing wiill get much much better when it gets much much more specific. How much money? What kind of apparel? Which athletes? Which scholarships? Which coaches?

    2. The cons of this debate would be that the coaches and staff would most likely receive a salary cut and taxes could possibly be taken from the residents that live in that state.

      It'll be interesting to see what happens when you become much more informed on this issue. It's a good one. There are many voices suggesting different solutions. You might have a "solutions" page that describes these proposals.

    3. Fans, athletes and even some coaches argue that the NCAA should pay their athletes.

      When you revise this, I recommend drawing out the voices. Not all fans, right? Who? Maybe make a list of four or five different points of view and explain them.

    4. uring my brothers four years at Georgia Southern University as a football athlete, he experienced many hard ships because of the lack of funds that was provided to him.

      Super interesting! This personal story really draws readers in. Give us details (if you can)...

    5. Should NCAA pay its athletes salaries?

      Can you give attribution to this image?

    6. Iesha Wilcox Dr. Arrington ENGL1102 9 September 2017

      So this information is conventionally appropriate for a physical paper that you hand in. But a blog post doesn't need it. Can you imagine why?

    1. The debate is still going on, and what scientist find out in the future will hopefully answer some of the many questions we all have.

      So what's the problem? That science doesn't know enough about climate change? Or that some politicians reject the notion of climate change? Or something else. ?

    2. but how climate change has made the storms more powerful and devastating

      So... climate change creates stronger variations in weather, not necessarily "hotter"... We might get exceptionally strong snow storms this winter. That confirms scientists' conceptions of climate change. right? This is a very nuanced subject. I'll be looking for your ideas about the issue to become nuanced, too. Great!

    3. scientist need to get to the bottom of it.

      This implies that scientists have only recently begun studying "climate change." True? If now, how can you reword this to be more precise?

    4. Therefore climate change is not real.

      Because this is a sentence fragment, it can be interpreted to be your view. Is this what you mean?

    5. fact of scientist changing the research of “Global Warming” to “Climate Change” makes him skeptical, and he is not the only one. On The Daily Dot

      Can you provide links to these sources within this document?

    6. climate change is not real.

      This is an opportunity to define more than 2 p.o.v.'s. For instance some don't believe "climate change" is "real." But others believe climate change is "natural" not "man made..."

    7. nature.

      Great transition to another p.o.v. by the way...

    8. the

      Which? The "the" here refers to an article you've already introduced...

    9. Trump

      Who? Rewrite this to address an audience from the year 2050. How would you change the language? Why?

    10. Trumps view that climate change is not real, and that it is just an act of nature.

      How do we know this is President Trump's view?

    11. Michael E. Mann, Susan J. Hassol and Thomas C. Peterson

      Are these scientists? Why should we listen to them? What is there expertise?

    12. New York Times

      Italicize titles of books, magazines, newspapers.

    13. With these natural disasters coming out of the blue

      Isn't your point, and the point of scientists, that these storms and their severity are not coming "out of the blue"?

    14. was Texas that was

      Just as a matter of interesting style practice, can you rewrite this sentence so that there is no verb "to be'? No "was"?

    15. Many people are suffering from devastating hurricanes right now

      If someone reads this two months from now, how will this read?

  3. Aug 2017
  4. Apr 2017
    1. Plagiarism exists here, Javin. If you use the exact words from a source, like "...was established to recognize and immortalize the greatest players and coaches of the game," you must put quotation marks around the phrase/sentence and in-text citation

    1. Analyzing The Georgia Aquarium

      How about a Table of Contents?

    2. Conclusion

      I recommend "Conclusions" ... Why only one? Also, this isn't much writing. What's here makes more sense as an introduction, I think.

      Instead, based on your research, how should aquariums rethink their displays adn what would happen if they did?

    1. So without examining other aspects of the built environment of the space, you can't really draw a convincing argument. Maybe the Beluga whale is the only digital display? And maybe the problem is only with digital displays. If you're going to focus on displays, focus on ALL of the kinds of displays and where they are...

    2. This needs to come early, maybe even in your introduction; Isn't this the problem you are researching?

    1. Comparing Environme

      This slide show is currently just a list of interesting tidbits. What we need is a cohesive argument. Don't let design take the place of argument; it can't. We need well-researched claims explained in the context of a thesis. I still haven't read a thesis. That's a problem.