I would turn these AMAZING benefits into an emotive introduction blurb. They are what's going to sell your product!

I'd make this section easier to read and less wordy. Also, can you add the price of NOT joining in here to give them a gentle nudge? I'd also add an inclusion table again at the bottom of the sales page

Is this bit meant to be a repeat of further up on the page?

Can you scatter individual reviews/testimonials throughout the sales page rather than bunching them up in one section? It means people don't accidentally scroll past.

Again, try to format it in a way that makes it easier to digest this information. I'd steer towards a brief paragraph for each inclusion outlining it in more detail

I would make this section easier to digest by turning it into columns with matching icons/mockups as well as adding the 'so what' to each inclusin

Love how you're introducing the origin of this concept. I would add a section about you here. Who you are, why you're perfectly positioned to support them, and touch on accountability being the one thing that got you to where you are today

I'd turn these bullet points into a paragraph that touches on why this concept works. And I would remove the individual buttons

This is a great third section. It's the solution to their current approach. Introduce the membership here with a big, bold promise while touching on the structure/format.

This is a great second section of this sales page. It's addressing what they're currently trying to do unsuccessfully.

I would start with a section here that speaks to what's possible. .. the ultimate dream rather than the struggles. That way you're starting on a positive note and what's possible.

I would link these buttons up to the inclusins section on this page rather than to the checkout because people haven't had a chance to learn more about the program yet

Start with the big, bild promise here. What are members going to achieve by joining?

Move this right underneath the main header for instant trust and credibility

Make sure you move this one up right underneath your about blurb

I'd move this further up on the page just below the choose your own adventure section

Choose your own adventure:

Can you add your course here?

Let's protect you while...

Especially

Add a timer here

same, I'd delete this

delete this

Get instant access for $47 now

Turn this into a sub-heading

I reckon get rid of this because there's too much copy in one section

Can you add a matching icon to each idea and turn this into one row with 5 columns?

Can you split this section into 2 separate ones. One here and one further up on the page?

I would add this to the 'what you get' section further up on the page

Can you turn this into a sub-heading?

I'd change the button copy to Join BB RingDex for $47 now

I reckon this makes a FABULOUS sub-heading... I'd open the paragraph with this as the big, bold sub-heading because it draws people in.

I'd in 'exactly'

I'd move this section up above the 'this is for you if' section

Only until October 5

I'd move this bit above the timer

But only until this timer strikes zero

price it will ever be

I'd mention the price on the button for those ready to invest... it's a no-brainer pricetag. Get Instant access for $47

I'd get rid of this bit

Love this intro all about making the reader feel heard and seen. What if you open it with something like: Finding you here checking out this brand new resource tells me a few things about you: Your creative space is likely overflowing withpapers... You're a passionate artist ... And at some stage, you have stared at your art stash wondering...

I would turn this paragraph into a standalong section that pops! And make the last sentence stand out separately too...

I'd change this to a decision-inviting statement. Something like: This is your chance to join creatives just like you ready to be inspired and encouraged to create.

Underneath this section, I'd include a separate section that showcases some of the tangible transformations/wins/mindset shifts that popped up in your survey. I would add them in 2 rows with 5 columns each where you add an icon to each tangible win so it's easy for people to digest.

I would move this section underneath the Nest Fest bonus

Just before the final invite, I'd insert a section that speaks to immediate, short-term and long-term wins. You'd structure it in 3 columns titled As soon as you join..., In a month..., in 6 months... That's where you outline what they can achieve/experience/feel at each stage. It's super powerful and hopefully invites readers to opt for the annual membership because you highlight the long-term transformation.

Can you replace the written testimonials with the screenshot testimonals you scratched from the section further up on the page?

same button copy feedback

I would combine this section with the membership-exclusive courses so it's all in one

Same again for the button copy

I love the videos!!! And I'd be tempted to get rid of the written testimonials underneath

Can you add a tiny blurb explanation for each course here? Super short to give it some context.

PLUS get exclusive access to 6 courses ONLY available to the Roben's Nest members:

What you can expect inside the Roben's Nest each month...

I would reduce it to the 6 most impactful testimonials here so people don't get lost. 3 rows are perfect to view on a desktop screen.

Same comment for the button copy as per above

Can you add a photo of you with a paint-splattered apron here to spice things up and add some fun?

I would shrink the list down to the 5 most commen denominators to make it easier to digest. Also, I'd move the you into the heading so you start each bullet point idea with a verb. Can you have a look through your survey responses to see whether there are any priceless expressions that make this section feel really tangible?

I'd remove this because you're mentoning the monthly membership nature of the offer above

I would turn this into a standalone statement underneath this section so it can pop and stand out. It's easy to miss within this paragraph.

This is where you introduce the Roben's Nest. Start the sentence with 'The Roben's Nest is your well-deserved break to nurture... this speaks to the mindset that a lot of women think they don't deserve time to themselves from yoru survey

And make this the subheading. It hits home!!! Possibly add 'like you' in there.

I'd remove this line

On the second button, can you add "(get 2 months free)"?

I would insert a 'what you'll walk away with' section here first.

Something like...

This isn't just any course. It sets you up for creative success!

Spark your ideas Learn the steps Source your materials Silence your inner critique Take it from idea to finished project

If you're after a fun creative project that you ACTUALLY take from idea to custom art journey, then get FREE instant access now.

And I'd make the button somewhat less doubtful ;-) SIGN ME UP NOW

In this section, can you touch on how many students you have supported to date to build trust? 5000+ students for example.

I would also include a logo bar here if you've been featured in media or publications.

I'd streamline this bullet point section and reduce it to the top 5 points. And reword the heading to something like...You'll love this FREE mixed media art course if you:

I love this video and would move it up right underneath the "what you'll walk away with" section. What if you reworded the heading to something like: Sign up to this FREE course now to create your very own version of this beauty:

I'd start a separate visual section here that sparks the reader's imagination. Something like...

Imagine getting your hands on EVERYTHING it takes to create a custom art journal.

And then you can have the visuals of what's included with a little blurb about each step. What if?

My questions right off the bat here... is this course really only free for a limited time? If it's always free, I'd suggest removing it to keep it genuine and build trust in your brand. I'd consider replacing this intro with a killer statement that converts people instantly. Something like: Create your very own AMAZING flip book from start to finish with this FREE step-by-step video guide

Use my bold and vibrant digtital papers to:

Bursting with bold colors and rich textures, these 6 exlusive, digitally-made artist papers give you instant FREE access to my original art layers with my Florals on Fabric Papers.

The perfect colorful way to enhance your own creative adventures!

Get FREE instant access to 6 exclusive, digitally-made papers featuring my original art so you add a distinctive touch to your own creations

Grab your free pack of 6 digitally-made artist papers, and infuse your art with bold, textured beauty today

Can you add a logo bar here underneath your bio "as featured in"?

I'd make this stand out as a heading:

Elevate your art projects with unique and vibrant textures

DOWNLOAD FREE NOW

What if you could...

PS. Approaching your creative journey with curiosity is something I do on a regular basis inside The Roben's Nest, the membership for creatives like you craving a cozy space. You can check it out right here.

delete this because it's incorporated in the above line

In case you're curious about the best papers to print these onto, I've got you covered:

We know your sense of adventure knows no limits. The sturdy build and lightweight setup of the Getaway Pod XTD will take you to even the remote destinations on your wishlist.

Nothing in the Getaway Pod XTD has been left to chance. With solar panels to keep you powered up, an ensuite shower and toilet tent for convenience and a wrap-around awning to rival the best of them, this 4wd camping trailer means business.

Every detail has is designed to maximise the space, experience and creature comforts. From reverse cycle aircon to the luxury kitchen or from the king size bed with dual doors to the generous 870 litre storage space.

Getaway Pod was started by two Aussie cousins who searched for an adventure solution that would perfectly blend their desire for creature comforts and extreme adventures.

The Getaway Pod is the compact lightweight 4wd camping trailer that ticked all their boxes.

STURDY DESIGN. CLEVER FEATURES. 100% LUXURY.

WE BELIEVE YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

replace with: compact & lightweight teardrop 4wd camping trailer

Remove this because it was moved to the above the fold banner.

Replace this with: Ready to explore the lighter, simpler & easier way to travel?

THE 4WD CAMPING TRAILER FOR EFFORTLESS LUXURIOUS HOLIDAYS. ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.

I'm thrilled to invite you to join me inside my FREE mixed media art course, 'Good and Plenty Painted Papers'.

Get ready to pull up a chair to my art table, where we'll make magic happen. I can't wait to guide you to your very own stash of colorful painted papers that make the perfect backgrounds for your art journals, collages, and so much more.

GET FREE INSTANT ACCESS NOW

I can't seem to see the photo you've included here, but I assume it alludes to something like: This FREE course is perfect for you if...

I would remove the mini about section from here and leave it to the about section towards the bottom of the page. What I would include here is a photo of you possibly painting or in your studio.

I would move this banner right underneath the above the fold section, especially if you plan to drive cold traffic from Pinterest to this landing page

I would move this up underneath the inclusions section

Get exclusive FREE access to one of the 12+ signature courses inside The Roben's Nest, my online creative community, right now.

START CREATING TODAY

Good and Plenty Painted Papers comes with...

Explore the FREE Step-by-Step Guide to Beautiful Painted Collage Papers and create your very own backgrounds for your art journals, collages, envelopes, and so much more

ACCESS FREE NOW

I'd remove this and lead with your bio

What if you played without rules and trusted the process?

I would include one student creation and one student testimonial in the PS to convince them to check it out right now.

Something like PS. If you're tempted to put off this creative journey until later, then let this incredible creation convince you otherwise. Now's always the best time to be creative!

Underneath this sectin, I would add an icon bar that speaks to your unique points of difference: hand-painted, hand-stitched, 100% bespoke, recycled, carbon-offsetting, etc (and you can totally repurpose this icon bar on your product pages) It's an easy way for people to understand what you stand for and what to expect

Underneath your about section, I'd inclue a 'featured and trusted by' logo bar. It seems that you have worked with a number of recoginsable organisations and media outlets. I would let people know about the amazing brands you've worked with.

I would move this up towards the top of your page. Right underneath your bestsellers

I would lead in with a short blurb about your truly unique concept. Something that draws people in and intrigues them to learn more.

This line shows as the Title of your website. So I assume you have optimised your home page for the SEO keyword 'eco conscious stationery'. If that's the case, I would flip it around so you lead in with your keyword and follow it up with 'Truly Thoughtful + Personal'

Move this further down underneath the Membership introduction

I would be a bit more specific here around the inclusions. List them out in both columns as bullet points as a handy recap.

The month-to-month membership for people like you who want to introduce more flow, connection and intuition into your life through journaling.

Also add this underneath: Only 12 spots available at the founding member price of $17/month

JOIN NOW

Choose your own adventure as soon as you join

The weekly journaling prompts initiate the first step of your journey, but your heart will decide where it wants to take you from there.

What you can expect from your experience inside Heart2Pen:

Love this section and how clearly you call out the benefits of joining now

What I would do is move it up above the comparison table so it's an easier yes

I would include the comparision table for monthly and yearly again right here for those people who read right to the end

I would remove this concept from the sales page and turn it into part of your pre-launch content as an education peace. Or you could even include it in your onboarding sequence to set people up for success as soon as they join.

I would move this section up right underneath where you first introduce the membership with tagline.

While you're trying to come up for fresh air and reconnect with parts of yourself on a regular basis, you simply don't seem to get there.

But it's not for a lack of trying!

What is missing is...

But your reality unfortunately looks very different.

You're too much in your head...

Turn this into an emotive 'dream future'opening paragraph.

Imagine a day when you knew how to be in the moment.

Where you...

follow this up with a list of tangible benefits and wins people are going to see from joining your membership. That dream state they're working towards.

Rather than start with your membership name and tagline, I would begin with taking the reader on a journey first.

I would start with a super emotive opening question here:

What if you gave yourself permission to take a break from thinking and doing, and spend some quality time for and with yourself instead?

I would turn this into a super strong opening paragraph all about the dream future they want to achieve so badly. Imagine a day when...

Also, do you have tangible results from clients that you could share here so the ideas become stickier and more relatable?

This is where you would stack up the monthly option against the 6-month option with a bullet point list of inclusions. The button underneath each can link to the same checkout page

I love the ideas here. What if you turned it into a mini timeline that helps people see the immediate, short-term and long-term transformation. Somethink like. As soon as you join... After a month inside... After 6 months inside

And then create a clear picture of what's possible in that timeframe?

What if I told you that you can be more productive AND prioritize yourself?

I would link all the buttons up to a comparision table at the bottom of hte page where you list all the inclusions as a bullet point list. And only the button at the bottom of the page links to the checkout page

Introducing:

More Than Productivity

The month-to-month membership that gives you a productivity expert in your pocket so you can get laser-focused and take action on your most important business projects

(while ALSO freeing up time for yourself and the things that are most important to you!)

JOIN NOW

Move this one below the heading:

Let's help you sort through the noise so you can create a life that makes perfect sense to you.

Ready to be guided by my signature Productivity Success Method?

I get it!

It's frustrating...

I'm calling it: You deserve to feel clear...

Because...

But right now you're getting noting done because everything feels equally important.

I'd leave this introduction for later so you can build the intrigue and take them on a journey first

What if you could finally take charge of your time and To-Dos and focus on what really matters to you?

Consider moving the for women section up so it's the first that pops up if you want to make this your main focus

audit

Explore my audits, masterclasses, short courses and resources

make the right nutritional shifts in your life?

busy women

As a nutrition consultant, food literacy expert and women's health nutritionist, ...

Explore my audits, masterclasses, short courses and resources

(also update the button copy to 'check them out')

women

(especially as women)

who want glowing skin, vitality, gut and hormone health

are looking for someone to help you make the right nutritional shifts in your life

Add a button to buy

Add a button to buy

Can you move this underneath the FAQ section?

I fell that the about section further up on the page is enough. I'd remove this

remove

remove

Is this a double up?

remove this

Can you reduce this to the top 3 ideas and the much more bullet point?

I'd remove this to make it more concise

And combine this one with the private coaching session blurb

I'd call this out as an option separately once you've explored all standard features

I'd remove these 2 because they're not really features

Can you add a bar like this for the upgrade option as well? Something like 1:1 Option?

Can you condense this section about the steps somehow to make it easier to read and make the sales page shorter overall? Possibly 2 columns or even 3?

Can you reduce the number of points in this list and reduce them to the top 5? And call out the PLUS idea separately at the bottom so it stands out.

Is this meant to read: This 6-step process will see you go from idea to finished!

Can you start a new visual section here and introduce it with this line as a heading.

Lead in with something like: Hi, I'm Jacquline

But currently your reality looks a little more like this... and then pick the top 5 tangible/common/relatable issues

I would add more context underneath this awesome opener. A short paragraph around the actual dream future. What that would look like and what it would feel like.

And then... leading into a new section that speaks about their 'right now' they're trying to escape from.

I would set the scene around who Dan is first... something like: Meet your fellow ADHDer Dan.

I would slightly reword the tagline in the header image so it starts with the outcomes. Something like: Motivate yourself so you can successfully prioritize and follow through with your plan with this ADHD-friendly 6-step system.

I'd slightly reword this. Something like: While 90% of past clients have secured interviews within 2 weeks, and landed their dream offer in less than 4 months, this program does not come with a guarantee that you'll secure a job within that timeframe.

I would move this entire about section further up on the page just underneath the first pricing tables.

I would beef up these ideas more and move them down into the pricing table.

The perfect blend of feedback, support and guidance

Love this section... what if you turned it into a mini timeline? As soon as you join... in 2 weeks... in 1 month ... in 2 months ... in 3-4 months

I would break down here what exactly is included in the program. How many group calls? Which courses? Which templates? What does the 1:1 support look like? What is the format of each inclusion? Is there a private podcast? Make it super clear for people to see what they get.

Can you somehow break down the program into or modules so people can picture how they're going to progress through your framework?

I would move this section towards the top of the page because it includes brands your clients would be aspiring to land a role at, right?

The 16-week job search strategy program that will give you the clarity and confidence to not only land the RIGHT interviews but secure that DREAM role.

90% of clients secured their dream offer in less than 4 months.

LOVE THIS!

I would switch each of these ideas up so they don't sound like they're going to do all the work, but rather turn them into a partnership. Let's...

What will land you that dream leadership role? Your Inevitable Edge

This section is great because it speaks to the obstacles between them and that dream role. I'd just mix up the introduction... something like: But what stands between you and the leadership role that stretches you into your next level of growth is not only the state of the market, but the hamster wheel of every seemingly neverending job search. ...

Can you lead with that dream future here? And really paint a picture of what it would feel like to already have that dream role. Something like: Imagine waking up to the role you've been working towards for the past few years. And what expects you is... (tangible things they're aspiring to).

I feel like this offer promise could be punchier. Something like: The perfect blend of accountability, feedback and personalised support to land you the leadership role of your dreams quicksmart.

Even in an unpredictable job market and if you're tried unsuccessfully for months.

Coming from a total outsider's perspective here... the person you're describing on the sales page seems pretty fed up with their current job and if I had to guess, I'd say they want to make a move quicker than in the next 4 months. I know that's a totally realistic timeline and you need to set the right expectations, but I'd start with your AMAZING tagline you introduce further down on the sales page: What if you could switch the status of your next leadership role from eventual to inevitable? This statement leads with hope rather than timelines people might not want to accept, and that put them off right away.

Can you add a summary underneath? Something like: 'the perfect blend of coaching, accountability and personalized guidance'

Can you move this underneath the photo?

Can you design this section in a way that these ideas are next to each other with an icon against each? I feel that if they set next to each other in one row, it would make it easier to scan and digest

I would add this as a stand-out idea underneath the heading in this section. Something like 'based on my signature 10 step process'

Not sure this works here. I would speak to the individual nature of the plan that's required. Something like: 'I needed a plan that worked for MY brain'

Love the specific examples!

I would make this somewhat more concise. Something like: 'After our session, you'll know exactly WHAT you'll need to do, HOW you will do it and WHEN you will do it, so you have the confidence and motivation to complete your project.'

Make this more personal so it shows you will support them personally.

'I'll help you go from...'

so it's a complete success.

see you create

specifically designed to

The

Change this to 'what if I told you...'

Framing it this way sounds like you're guessing. But you have a pretty good idea of why they're on this page, right? So I'd tweak it somewhat to make it clear that you know how the ADHD brain (their brain works).

"Finding you on this page tells me a few things about you. And it almost guarantees that you've had at least one of these toughts:'

I know this is a one-on-on offer, so it's not really enrolling, right? I would tweak this to 'Book your limited spot before the timer strikes zero'. This creates urgency scarcity.

I would change this up so it speaks to the end goal because your service name covers that 'what'.

I'd change it to 'Set your next project up for success without letting your ADHD get in the way.'

Can you add a short paragraph outlining why this is the oh-so-important first step?