8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2018
    1. transportation has been a major part of everyday life, from jumping into a car, navigating your way too and from, or even walking with a paper map

      Can you provide a topic sentence that will focus this paragraph?

    2. titious

      right word?

    3. From the start of time

      are you being literal here? if so, I don't think that transportation began way back then

    4. Life Hacks and “TheNextWeb.com” hold a short, but entertaining reading

      I don't follow

    5. Although In some cases, teenagers see themselves as resourceful and excited to connect with others through technology, particularly social media

      fragment

    6. One individual quotes,

      one individual notes?

    7. Nowadays teens and children can’t do anything for

      remember your purpose, okay? should you be taking a stance in this paper?

    8. believe They depend

      edit for inconsistent capitals, here and elsewhere?

    9. With a controversial question in the same manner as this

      Can you work on this transition?

    10. spurge

      surge?

    11. technology has become a revolutionary change

      do you need to rephrase for clarity? "technology has produced revolutionary change"?

    12. for all whom can access

      for all who can access

    1. American Library Association “Banned Books Frequently Asked Questions” 2018 http://www.ala.org/advocacy/bbooks/banned-books-qa Majhoshev, Andon. “Freedom of the Media”. Balkan Social Science, June 1, 2017 Marczely, Bernadette. “Student Freedom of Expression in the Wake of Hazelwood and Bethel” Clearing House, Volume 65, Issue 5 May/June 1992

      Are these peer reviewed sources? if you used a database, please indicate Interview?

    2. Yiannopoulos, the former editor for alt-right aimed website Breitbart resigned after a video surfaced where he defended the notion of older men engaging in relationships with 13 year old children. Yiannopoulos even lost a book deal with publisher Simon & Schuster because of his statement. Though conservatives and his publisher essentially censored him, it was probably for the best, considering his pedophilic ideals (Walsh).

      very interesting: one could make the case that freedom of speech for those whose ideas we despite might be important to uphold, no?

    3. Most librarians along with support the community support the

      rephrase?

    4. Changing the facts to better work in their favor and even gaslighting anyone who questions the changes (O’Brien)

      edit for fragment

    5. just days after being sworn into office began to scrub the EPA of all language that indicates the effects humankind has had on the environment.

      insert comma after "office"?

    6. Limiting the freedom of the press, no matter what level of professionalism can be a dangerous and slippery slope.

      a good and important point

    7. the Supreme Court ruled that student newspapers that have not been established as public forums are subject to lower standards of the First Amendment

      Can you clarify what "lower standards" means?

    1. WORK CITED  unknown. “Vaccines ProCon.org.” ProConorg Headlines, 26 Apr. 2017, vaccines.procon.org/.   Martinez, Josh, et al. “Josh Martinez.” Passport Health, 14 Oct. 2016, www.passporthealthusa.com/2016/10/what-ingredients-are-in-the-flu-shot/.       U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, UNKNOWN. “Vaccine Basics.” Vaccines.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 11 Oct. 2006, www.vaccines.gov/basics/index.html.

      Please provide three peer reviewed sources You will need to draw from an interview as well

    2. believe that people are so concerned about receiving there vaccines rather than wondering if they’re healthy for the human body.

      again be mindful of your purpose, okay? You seem to be arguing rather than inquiring.

    3. “Long-term seizures, coma, lowered consciousness, and permanent brain damage may be associated with the DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis) and MMR vaccines, though the CDC notes the rarity of the reaction makes it difficult to determine causation.”

      what is your sources for this claim?

    4. But have you

      why the shift to "you"?

    5. is hooting and raving

      are you adopting the appropriate tone here?

    6. But there is one thing people don’t realize about vaccinations, and how dangerous they really can be for the human body. Vaccinations can cause serious and sometimes fatal side effects, they contain harmful ingredients, and also vaccines are unnatural to the human body.

      I am concerned that you are losing sight of your purpose: you seem to be taking a position when you ought to be exploring and inquiring.

    7. Being only 6 you don’t really question or wonder why you’re receiving all these shots, you just believe that you need to get them because the doctor tells you “Are you ready for your round of shots?” like you’re a dog, who’s missed all of your regular vaccinations.

      edit for punctuation--comma splices (using a comma like a period)?

    1. https://www.sjpd.org/BFO/Community/Crimeprev/crimeprevention%20forms/Identitytheft.pdf

      please use MLA format

    2. URL: https://today.yougov.com/news/2011/05/05/brother-do-you-have-time/ Website Title: YouGov: What the world thinks Article Title: Almost 60% of 16-34 year olds use a phone as their primary timepiece Date Accessed: March 3, 2018 URL: http://www.journalism.org/2016/07/07/pathways-to-news/ Website Title: Pew Research Center’s Journalism Project Article Title: 1. Pathways to news Date Published: July 07, 2016 Date Accessed: March 3, 2018

      please use MLA format.

    3. Is relying on technology harmful or helpful when it comes to our economy? “Ev

      good question

    4. Which is more helpful and useful than just guessing the answer and probably getting the answer wrong

      note fragment

    5. Other benefits of having technology has to do with how the law uses the

      good transition

    6. There’s even technology out that with one push of a button, police, ambulance, and firefighters are automatically signalled and on their way, no phone needed, examples are Revolar and Medical Alert.

      note that you have more than one sentence here--edit for punctuation?

    7. ? Well according to Lifestyle magazine, “the mobile phone has already caught up to the watch as the go-to timepiece of choice. In the 16-34 age bracket it’s the choice of almost 60% of people.”

      good use of source--remember, though, to cite source by author's last name, if possible

    8. We as a society have become so consumed in technology, we don’t even realize how much we rely on it just to get through the day. Think about it, how do you get up in the morning?

      note the shift from "we" to "you"

    1. Writing is the key to get better in life and learning how to write something is important to know.

      I don't see a Works Cited list nor do I see a post write.

    2. His speech was to attract all of the graduates of 2008. He wanted the speech to be fun, and interesting for the college students to know. But the way he just wanted to was to make this speech special. So the way he drives the audience together was to make it fun and enjoyable.

      Good! But notice how this point is buried in the paragraph Please move earlier to help shape your paragraph's analysis.

    3. The third piece of writing is through a speech from Billy Collins.

      I'd like to see a transitional sentence/topic sentence.

    4. The people that would be drawn to her book would be people maybe in the LGBTQ community. But also toward people who are looking for equality.

      Again I see a problem of focus: can you use this passage to help focus this paragraph? Move this earlier?

    5. The people who he wanted to hear the most was whites, so that’s what he did. But he does make it about everyone else. Ever since that letter he wrote. He made sure that everyone knew what should happen.

      I'm looking for a sharper focus in this paragraph: why did King choose to write in the genre of a letter? to whom did he write? how does his audience shape his message? Note the repeated fragments, by the way.

    6. The first speaker, civil rights activist/leader. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a powerful man.

      Can you provide a topic sentence that focuses this paragraph's analysis (about genre and audience, for example?)?

    7. The the three things are audience, genre, and the rhetorical situation in the story.

      Please take time to define each of these terms precisely.

    8. Being able to write about stories like these.

      note fragment

    9. Whether if it’s about Trump’s failure in office, or if it’s about the United States needing to create guns laws so weapons won’t fall into the wrong hands.

      I like the current examples but note the fragment, okay?

    10. that you

      Why shift to "you"?

  2. Feb 2018
    1. Luther King Jr, Martin. “Letter from Birmingham jail” 1963. <https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf>

      date of access?

    2. Writers sometimes do not have a specific genre or audience, it is important not to alienate the reader, the whole point in writing is to communicate an idea to as many people as possible.

      Can you identify her intended audience?

    3. Subsequently, Gloria Anzaldua’s personal essay “How to Tame a wild tongue” excerpt contained in the book “Borderlands/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza” could be written for people that share Anzaldua’s background, but is written in a way that welcomes other audiences as well, since her experiences are easy to understand and the phrases she includes in Spanish have a direct translation to the English Language, other audiences are not alienated.

      This seems to need a sharper transition/topic sentence

    4. The fast pace of a PechaKucha forces the author to keep relevance, avoid redundancy and to keep an audience focused on the message.

      good--can you speculate as to audience?

    5. The imagery conveyed is the best way to communicate Aggad’s argument.

      good--elaborate?

    6. Another Connection between audience, genre and the context, or the rhetorical situation can be seen in the PechaKucha “60 Seconds in Africa” by Faten Aggad.

      I appreciate the attempt at creating a transition: might you tweak it a bit?

    7. due to how urgent it was to act,

      okay: the choice of genre--the letter--supports that urgency? Perhaps you can elaborate?

    8. Writing in The Works

      underline title?

    9. With a narrower audience of 8 white clergymen, referring to them respectfully and considering the relevance of the piece because of racial segregation.  

      good: you identify his audience and show its effect on tone. But do you need a separate paragraph for discussion of audience? Not sure why it's in this paragraph on genre, except that they are both about King

    10. Genre is the format of writing, it follows certain rules and criteria. As an example, Martin Luther King Jr’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” Which he wrote while incarcerated, is

      edit for mechanics?

    11. P3). Genre is the way every text is formatted. Within each genre there are certain expectations and moves that must be followed to deliver a clear idea. In addition, the writer must be able to develop an argument and support it with the right evidence, otherwise it will lose credibility. For instance, an author cannot use the format of a memoir to communicate the ideas contained in a scientific article, because a memoir consists mostly on imagery and personal experiences with the purpose of telling someone’s life, the scientific article on the other hand, must contain approved sources, that means, they must be reviewed by other scientists before the article can be published, the scientific article if, written with personal experiences will be considered irrelevant. Everyone writes and voices their ideas hoping someone will listen. It’s crucial for a writer to deliver an idea the best relevant way possible, so the audience will be totally engaged and will continue listening to the message. Anyone that invests time reading your work is considered audience. Basically, the audience is who you write for. It is important to choose the right genre to keep an audience interested, possibly persuade them about any of your points of view on a topic or rhetorical situation. Rhetorical situation is the context in the art of persuasion.  

      I'm not sure of the focus of this paragraph, to be honest: genre? audience? voice?

    12. Writing is all about getting an audience to read and connect to your work. Without someone to read your work as an author, there is no point in writing, or communicating at all.  

      Good point: audience is important but is there a link between audience and genre?

    13. and your idea

      why the shift to "your"?

    14. However, it isn’t an easy task, anyone can arrange words but not all can make their work meaningfu

      note comma splice?

    1. where 20 pictures are shown for 20 seconds each, all the while the author speaks over it.

      Good--you've identified key features of the genre. But how do these features influence the writer's choices?

    2. able to use of the rules of the genre

      Can you say more about the rules of the letter genre?

    3. Essentially, it’s about knowing who you will be writing to. T

      This is a key part of the concept but only one part, right? Doesn't our textbook break the concept down in meaningful ways? Can you draw from the text?.

    4. Aggad-Clerx, Fatten, Every 60 Seconds In Africa…, PechaKucha, February 29, 2016, http://www.pechakucha.org/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot, accessed February 1, 2018 Collins, Billy, Colorado College Comencement Speech 2008, May 19, 2008, http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm, accessed February 1, 2018 King Jr, Dr. Martin Luther, Letter From Birmingham Jail, August 1963, https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf, accessed February 1, 2018 Perdue Online Writing Lab, Rhetorical Situations, https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/625/01/, accessed February 1, 2018

      good form

    1. He stood there with the child in his arms and waited for a second shot. But all he heard was a shout and he understood that they would not kill him here, that he had to keep on walking, carrying his dead child. p.248

      Will you be responding to this passage as well?

    2. I think in my opinion it shows his love for his daughter, rather than a display of misery

      note the loss of focus here

    3. When I think about a typical “spring morning” what comes to mind is birds chirping at dawn, snow melting, the sky reflecting some hue of light but enough so that some stars are visible to the naked eye. Hope Springs Eternal (Alexander Pope) or so they say, spring brings eternal life or in the case of the story eternal misery; spring symbolizes rebirth or a second chance at life or a beginning. This is what I expected or would have hoped to have occurred in A Spring Morning, I certainly didn’t suspect that having the “title” which suggests the theme would emphasize the story as a whole for its message.

      Good observation: you are providing a glimpse of your prior assumptions, given the title of the story. Of course, you haven't addressed the passage directly.

    4. It foreshadows the events that happened or will happen in the view of the reader.

      Can you explain? Remember to focus your response on the passage itself, okay? I'm sensing a loss of focus early on.

    5. Listen to this,’ said the former secretary of the former town council sitting with his friends in the restaurant at the railroad station—it was all over by then. ‘Listen to this; Here’s a man facing death, and all he can think about is beer. I was speechless. And besides, how could he say that? I made a point of cooking at it, the water was like water, just a bit dirtier.” p.244

      Good choice of passage.

  3. Aug 2017
    1. In other words, Collins knows his speech will be boring and his audience will be glad when it is over. Collins understands his audience and is able to deliver his advice in consistent manner.

      Yes: good point

    1. The rhetorical situation lays the foundation, upon which all writing takes its form. Writing, much like a building, without the proper foundation would simply collapse.

      This is. test.

    1. Analyzing a piece of literature can be done by looking at its genre, rhetorical situation and how it reaches an audience. Genre is commonly known as what type of writing something is.

      Hi Cristina:

      I hope. you are well. I"m just testing a new annotation feature for the blog.

      All the best,