8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2018
    1. Programs able to search as many websites just as fast as Google when you type in “and” and it gives you “About 25,270,000,000 results (0.72 seconds)”

      edit for fragment and cite source

    2. The question still stands however, should the FBI or CIA/DIA listen in to our calls? Read our texts? Watch our movement online or not? Essentially spy on us? Why not? Theoretically, the only outcome would be more security… or would it?

      all good, important questions

    1. People always have something to say no matter what it is. If someone doesn’t like what someone says or does then it’s this big issue. Let people speak their mind and do what they please. N

      I'm getting the sense that you are losing your thread and purpose here.

    2. historical figures(Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks), that have had many major impacts on racism and we celebrate what they did for our country

      Yes: thanks.

    3. We just need to realize that where someone comes from and how much money they have doesn’t make a person who they are and what they stand for

      in your research, did you find information/data on the connection between racism and job opportunities/education? I think that would be relevant, no?

    4. In my opinion, I think that it always will effect us since it

      you may be right but remember your purpose in this paper: to inquire rather than argue

    5. More than half of the people in this country say that racism is a big problem i  this country, that’s 322 million, that’s a big number.

      okay: thanks for this data--it's important. Can you cite the source? Also note the need to edit for comma splices (using commas like periods) and typos

    1. All three of these sources help to back up the cell phone addiction is in fact a real addiction and that it is a problem that is world wide.

      not sure this is a sentence

    2. mobile devices play a major role in lives, this is not present in just specific places but it is a problem worldwide.

      is this your topic sentence? don't think so--paragraph seems to need focus, no?

    3. “The results of the present study about significant relation between use of cell phone and anxiety accords to the conducted researches about exceed use of communication tools such as cell phone especially among young people and its relation with psychological problems such as depressive symptoms and sleep problems” (Poorakbaran 257).

      please use signal phrase to introduce this quotation

    4. As more people research the relationship of people with their cell phones it is often called an addictio

      seems to belong in the previous paragraph, no?

    5. Addiction is not just confined to the use of drugs it relates to anything that people feel a “high” with when they are either using a certain thing or taking something.

      edit for fused sentence?

    6. Addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity

      are you quoting here? if so, please punctuate and cite, okay?

    7. I then went to interview someone closer to my age, being late teenage years

      I wonder if you could integrate these interviews more smoothly within your draft--perhaps using a thread or topic sentence?

    8. In a real life scenario every person in my family has a cell phone, it is just a part of everyone’s daily life

      again, note comma splice I also wonder whether you could revise this sentence so that it can serve as. focusing, topic sentence in your paragraph

    9. New devices come out each and every year, they are not cheap but so many people seem to never go without them

      edit for comma splice (using commas like periods)?

    1. n the research paper from Marina Lalayants and Jonathan D. Prince, they discuss Child Neglect and Onset of Substance Use Disorders among Child.

      You can put title in Works Cited list rather than give it here: instead I would rephrase this as a topic sentence to help focus your paragraph

    2. To get a sense of why and how a child feels when this type of abuse is upon I interviewed a child with this type of traumed passed

      This needs some editing, no? Try reading the sentence aloud,, okay?

    3. Why is this happening, why can’t parents take care of their children, why put poor innocent children through this pain and traumatic events that will haunt and terrorize them forever.

      note that you have several sentences/questions in one sentence: please edit for punctuation, okay?

    1. Yang , Sarah. “Baby’s Checkup Schedule.” The Bump, Google, www.google.com/amp/s/www.thebump.com/a/new-baby-doctor-visit-checklist/amp.   Sinicki, Adam. “Modern Cases of Feral Children.” HealthGuidance.org, Health Guidance, www.healthguidance.org/entry/16139/1/Modern-Cases-of-Feral-Children.html.

      Please follow MLA format

    2. violent behavior as they continued on with experimentation resulting in learned behavior from her father

      not sure I follow--please rephrase

    3. The “frontal” lobe in which affects the emotions, how a child processes information and communicating back

      interesting but not a sentence and also needing a citation

    4. Socially, do we understand how important communication is?

      rephrase for clarity, please: how important communication in the successful development of social skills?

    5. As an infant you receive up to 14 doctors’ visits this is crucial for the child growing up in order for your baby to achieve the developmental milestones.

      please edit for fused sentence: you have two sentences here but have not placed a period between them

    6. Isolation, a situation in which the child is kept with in a room sometimes with a disabled relative. Confinement, a case in which the child is kept within an attic or room that is only entered when given food. Wild, a situation in which the child has no family or was left in the jungle, forest, etc. and has survived off of animal life

      again, helpful but note fragments

    7. An infant to child ratio, who has not received the care or upbringing of an adult and is kept in isolation with no nurture.

      This is helpful but note that this is not a sentence. Are you using a source? If so, please cite

    1. Religion promotes prejudice and gender inequality

      again, be careful of generalization and be mindful of your purpose, which is to inquire rather than argue

    2. Plethora of historical events caused by religion can be investigated and used against it to analyze the question on why do we need religion.

      I'm not sure what this sentence is doing here

    3. However, this wasn’t a movement to unify people under Catholicism, torture and assassination of innocent individuals was prominent.

      edit for comma splice (using a comma like a period)

    4. They claim their main purpose is to save people’s souls from hell and the devil and it promises that if the bible is followed, members of the church will be rewarded in the afterlife

      now be careful of generalization: is this an accurate way to depict the promise of the world's religions?

    1. Benefits of School-Based Sports.” Global Sports Development, 22 Jan. 2018, globalsportsdevelopment.org/2013/09/12/benefits-of-school-based-sports/.

      I don't see three peer reviewed sources or an interview

    2. “The Social and Academic Benefits of Team Sports.” Edutopia, http://www.edutopia.org/discussion/social-and-academic-benefits-team-sports

      please use MLA format

    3. hroughout all of my research I had found the most interesting a video from “Ted Talks” of a scientist explain the pros of exercise on the human body ad brain.

      can you work on this transition to make it work more smoothly with what precedes it?

    4. Being a part of a team means you always have a friend, a teammate, a mentor, a coach, or someone to help you up when you’re down.

      good topic sentence

    5. hat more than 97% of student athletes graduated high school 10% higher than those students who had never participated in sports.

      good, useful data: please cite source properly?

    6. Being a part of a team whether it is a school sports team, travel, or an elite club team has so many benefits mentally, physically, and emotionally

      okay: I assume that your question is, What are the benefits of exercise? Remember to keep true to your purpose, which is not to argue but to inquire

  2. thoughtsandjotswithtiffani.wordpress.com thoughtsandjotswithtiffani.wordpress.com
    1. Best, Katharina and Jusi Keppo. “The credits that count: how credit growth and financial aid affect college tuition and fees.” Education Economics 22.6 (2014): 589-613. Bridgewater State University. http://www.bridgew.edu. n.d. 15 January 2018. College, Bristol Community. http://www.bristolcc.edu. n.d. 1 January 2018.

      skip lines between entries?

    2. I would highly recommend that these questions are asked, answered satisfactorily, and compared before committing to years and thousands of dollars of potential debt.

      remember your purpose, okay?

    3. in their article “The credits that count: how credit growth and financial aid effect college tuition and fees,

      no need to mention title here--that can be in the Works Cited list

    4. Lynn firmly believes that if a student has to take out loans to afford a college education, that the cost is not worth the possible benefit,

      how does this jive with what you say earlier as to the benefits of a degree?

    5. My cousin, a social worker by training, concurs with Jerome in that getting her Bachelors and Masters of Arts in Social Work was useful for the opportunities that it gave her

      good, smart transition

    6. Jerome was quick to mention, however, that when he went to school, the state provided a much more significant portion of state colleges and universities budget

      This is a really important point: You may want to highlight this earlier as well.

    7. Looking at the average income of people who go to college, versus those who don’t, a person who graduates high school can expect to make about $31,612 a year where someone with an associates can expect to earn about $37,394 a year, a bachelors $51,165 a year, a masters $60,768 a year, a doctorates $68,158, and a professional degree, such as an MBBS or a JD can expect to make $81,294 a year (Witt).

      shouldn't this be in its own paragraph? And shouldn't you offer a reason for bringing this up? I sense the need for a transition, don't you?

    8. BSU, for an in-state student, costs $5,006 a semester for tuition and fees, with an additional $2,800 for health insurance and tutoring. There is an $80 orientation fee

      I appreciate the detail here

    9. For this paper, I decided to look to my environment.

      I suspect that in you final version you'll want to remove this part of the opening, no?

  3. Mar 2018
    1. important to forming the declarative memory but the procedural memory relies on the basil ganglia and the cerebellum.

      are you quoting? If so, please use quotation marks and cite your sources. I will stop reading if I sense that you are using someone else's words and/or ideas as your own.

    2. Acts such as tracing a star repeatedly he had no memory of doing the task but his unconscious mind still knew how to do it.

      not sure if this is a sentence

    3. Work Cites https://ed.ted.com/lessons/what-happens-when-you-remove-the-hippocampus-sam-kean

      not sufficient. You will need three peer reviewed sources, two web based sources, and one interview, all cited and listed in proper MLA format

    1. The NBA has always been stuck on this question, do they add a 4 point line?

      interesting: are you suggesting that scoring is an issue currently? please explain

    2. I agree with this call because for one no one wants to see a slow basketball game they want to see a fast and uptempo game which is very exciting to see

      edit for punctuation: note that you have two sentences here without a period between--a fused sentence

    3. Which means whoever the other team intentionally fouls a player from the other team, they will go to the free throw line.

      edit for fragment, here and elsewhere

    4. People always question, does the NBA have a bright future?

      Can you explain why people might be asking this question? What is it about the current league/game that might prompt this question?

    5. Then the Basketball Association of America (BAA) was created. Then the National Basketball League (NBL) then they switched the name to the National Basketball Association (NBA),

      note the repeated words here". "then."

    6. http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/nba-is-born   http://www.nba.com/2016/news/07/12/nba-rule-changes-fouls-away-from-play/   http://www.slate.com/articles/sports/sports_nut/2016/06/the_4_point_line_could_be_coming_to_the_nba_here_s_where_to_put_it.html   https://www.ft.com/content/5921ff88-f631-11e7-88f7-5465a6ce1a00  

      These are not listed in MLA format. You do not seem to have three peer reviewed articles, as required, nor an interview.

    1. Capri, Chiara, Vincenzo Caretti, Daniele La Barbera, and Adriano Schimmenti. “Mafia and Psychopathy.” Criminal Behaviour & Mental Health, vol. 24, no. 5, 2014, pp. 321-331.

      include database here?

    2. In his search, he finds that parents of his childhood friends had restricted him from being around their children, long time colleagues told him he was a psychopath prior to his discovery, and good friends say he is certainly irresponsible in his

      I'm not sure I understand: are you saying that when younger he displayed psychopathic behavior? And he did not know this or he did not that he was susceptible? Psychopathy is pretty serious, right? It's not just anti-social behavior.

    3. The story he tells is one of remorse. He asserts that impulsivity and image are the reasons for his criminal behavior (Shakur), his social environment putting him behind bars for life.

      This is a powerful story, although your reason for telling it may be a bit unclear: is his remorse the point here or the fact that his environment forced bad choices? You may want to sharpen the focus of this paragraph, no?

    4. This is an excellent illustration of how social environment attributes to criminal behavior.

      good point, although I might not "bury" this key idea in the middle of a paragraph, would you?

    5. On the popular media outlet, TED, Adam Foss talks about his views on the justice system

      I might suggest working to develop a transition here.

    6. I was overwhelmed. I had so many sources I felt were important to include, but ultimately some took me on tangents, and they eventually got cut out of the piec

      That will happen: not all sources are equally useful.

    1. Dziegielewski, Sophia et al. “Humor: An Essential Communication Tool in Therapy.” International Journal of Mental Health, Vol. 32, No.3, Fall 2003, pp. 74-90. Edwards, Scott et al. “Humor, Laughter, and Those Aha Moments” On The Brain, Vol. 16, No.2, Spring 2010, pp. 1-3. Gervais, Matthew & Wilson, David. “The Evolution and Functions of Laughter and Humor: A Synthetic Approach. The Quarterly Review of Biology, Vol. 80, No. 4, Dec 2005, pp. 395-430.

      Did you obtain these fine sources via a database? If so, please indicate

    2. Oxford Dictionaries, https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/humor    & https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/satire

      not sure this needs to be listed per MLA

    3. Another question I’d like to address is what makes something “funny” in the first place.

      Can you work on this transition? Might you make it more natural and less mechanical?

    4. Can laughter alter how we feel about something, or be an effective means of changing our perspectives?

      an interesting question: why do you ask it, exactly?

    5. One definition of “humor” is, “The quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech.” (Oxford Dictionary)

      Thanks for the useful definition. Normally we just reference the title of the dictionary in the sentence but don't list in our Works Cited.

    1. Verger, Rob. “Navigating with GPS Is Making Our Brains Lazy.” Popular Science, 4 Apr. 2017, www.popsci.com/navigating-with-gps-is-making-our-brains-lazy#page-5.   Pyatt, Carson. “Teenagers Becoming Too Dependent on Technology.” CdS Sunrise, cdssunrise.com/19343/opinions/teenagers-becoming-too-dependent-on-technology/.   The story highlighted the work of economist Tyler Cowen. “Are Americans Lazy? CNNMoney Readers Weigh In.” CNNMoney, Cable News Network, money.cnn.com/2017/04/14/news/economy/are-americans-lazy/index.html.

      please add three peer reviewed sources (and interview) and list sources in MLA format