8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. May 2018
    1. I have never done one, so it was a challenge to fit information into a small space. I feel I should work on the template, at this point in the semester I’m learning how to use Adobe InDesign in computer graphics, that program is designed to create documents. However, my knowledge is limited.

      I see but can you comment further on your composing process, for this and for the other genres?

    2. I didn’t have time to make it look like a magazine article or a newsletter since my knowledge in Adobe InDesign

      I hope you will try to do so in your final version

    3. that made me realize I was wrong on my standpoint about religion.

      This is an important moment

    4. second Genre

      second genre

    5. I don’t have a targeted audience

      Please think about your audience

    6. Detailing how many religions exist and the components that make religion important in human life

      fragment

    7. Genre 3: Infographic

      Good, clear focused message, with accessible design and appeal. Please use in-text citation I was not able to read the list of Works Cited but I assume that it is MLA format. Still, such a list must correspond to actual in-text citations.

    8. Guillermina Guzman said

      please list in Works Cited

    9. when 2 cultures

      when two cultures

    10. On the other hand, fewer Christians do not consider helping the poor central on their beliefs, it is about 42% of them the study suggests.

      cite source?

    11. Her argument suggests that religious people from all religious groups in the U.K are happier than those with no religion (Snowdown).

      interesting

    12. How Religion affects your daily life

      edit for capitalization, here and elsewhere

    13. There are over 4200 different religions currently in the world*.

      please use in-text citation?

    14. Personal Narrative

      This personal essay (as I would call it) is interesting. Do you think you might sharpen the focus early on to foreshadow the lessons learned?

    15. it made Mexico a colorful country, it gives us identity

      note shift of tense

    16. get your enemies

      why the shift to "your"?

    17. torture and assassination of innocent individuals was prominent.

      were prominent

    18. The Spanish inquisition which killed many innocent people in the effort to make Spain and its colonies totally catholic.

      edit for mechanics and fragment, here and elsewhere

    19. , I found that the Catholic church spends an estimate of $168 billion in the category of Human Services for the U.S (Jacobson). I thought no religion helped the poor as they claimed to do.

      Interesting: I like the fact that you admit an error here and that you follow the evidence

    20. give share 10%

      a 10% share of

    21. I thought it wasn’t fair that the Vatican, holding a fortune wouldn’t

      edit for comma use

    22. I grew up disciplined, God would watch me, every mischief would be punished. God doesn’t like bad children, according to my mother. I would live cautiously, so God wouldn’t punish

      Let's work on fluency here: the writing could use some transitions, no?

    23. bible

      Bible

    24. becomes

      tense?

    25. Why do we need religion

      capitalize first letters of major words in your title?

    26. sing

      sang

    27. listen

      listening? to keep the parallel structure

    28. household, I was r

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere

    29. catholic

      capitalize?

    1. When drafting I thought about the rhetorical situation who is my audience? What design best fits this audience? What is my purpose for this audience? While I was revising I thought about the feed back giving to me such as someone told me for my second genre changing the color theme to the photo would probably engage people more.

      good, useful reflection

    2. While analyzing the rhetorical situation, I realized a key point in the infographic was the design. If the design didn’t have order, my reader’s wouldn’t be able to understand the message. A challenge I faced was trying to relay a message only using visuals. After deciding my audience would be broad,

      good--you're focusing on process here

    3. target an older audience to inform them on how to strengthen their memory. This would help those who are aging and want to prolong aging. It could be placed in nursing homes, chiropractic facilities, doctor offices –

      good--but why focus on the Mayo Clinic?

    4. For my second genre, my choice of audience is teens

      Makes sense--thanks. Can you also say why you chose the PSA in the first place?

    5. I underestimated a Public Service Announcement, it has a strong impac

      edit for comma splice (using a comma when you should be using a period between two complete thoughts)

    6. Work Cited: https://www.futuresofpalmbeach.com/drug-use-and-memory-loss/ https://www.mayoclinic.org/ https://books.google.com/books/about/Mayo_Clinic_on_Alzheimer_s_Disease.html?id=HO4aDAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false

      Five sources? Please put in MLA format

    7. Brochure

      This brochure has a good, visual appeal--and is quite readable. I can see the audience that you are intending to reach as well. I have to admit, though, that the title threw me at first--can you tweak it to make the message more obvious? I see that you have some useful info on how to retain memory (please cite source). I'd like to see more data like that, if possible--the brochure seems thin on information. Not sure what "Diseases and Procedure" (not typo)section is doing here.

    8. Public Service Announcement

      The artwork/photo is very interesting. To be honest, I am not sure whether your "tag" or headline is as clear as it might be, in terms of relating to your project. Could you also provide more information regarding the contact in the lower right hand corner? I'm not sure what "Futures" means.

    9. Infographic

      This infographic is informative--not an easy thing given your subject. I do like the graph.<br> I recommend, though, that you consider changing the heading or title--you have "Crash Course in Psychology" in small font and "Creating a Memory" in large. Might I suggest something like, "How Memories are Created"? Less clear were the sections on "How to Assess"--you break them up into separate text/blocks and that seems to disturb the flow and make them less clear how they relate. Please cite sources in text, per MLA.

    1. Sources: https://www.ft.com/content/5921ff88-f631-11e7-88f7-5465a6ce1a00   https://springfield.edu/where-basketball-was-invented-the-birthplace-of-basketball   http://www.nba.com/article/2017/12/18/nba-expands-youth-basketball-initiative-new-global-competition   https://www.usab.com/history/dr-james-naismiths-original-13-rules-of-basketball.aspx   http://www.nba.com/article/2017/10/17/nba-international-players-2017-18-season-record-countries   https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/infographics-international-players-taken-in-the-nba-draft-often-work-out/   https://stats.nba.com/draft/history/

      Please use MLA formatting. I'd be glad help.

    2. During the process was kind of difficult because there wasn’t to much about the increase of international players but i needed up finding quite a bit of information about it.

      okay: let's focus on process of composing these genres, too. What steps did you take in putting together the infographic? the brochure? (which I couldn't access)

    3. So I thought maybe the foreign people that are a fan of the sport

      good--perhaps you can move this to the rationale?

    4. It gives the audience

      Can you be more precise as to the audience you are reaching through these genres?<br> I guess I'd like you to take more time with this, Joe, and use multiple paragraphs to get at a)your reasons for the genres; b)your purpose in each; and c)the audience that you are aiming for in these genres. Patience.

    5. The reason why i picked these genres is because they were the most exciting to me,

      okay: can you say why they are exciting?

    6. tow

      edit for typo

    7. Brochure: https://www.canva.com/design/DAC1xjTevs4/share?role=EDITOR&token=aGXK-Mv_V6nVKmwDlPkmSA&utm_content=DAC1xjTevs4&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=sharebutton

      I can't access the brochure. Please help.

    8. Magazine Article – NBA IS TRYING TO GO GLOBAL!!!! WHAT’S NEXT FOR THE NBA???

      This reads clearly, for sure. But it reads like a brief editorial rather than magazine article, which should have more length and perspective, no? And I'd like you to make this look like a magazine, perhaps with a cover, title, and so forth. I'd be glad to help.

    9. The biggest jump of international players getting drafted into the NBA was from 2015 to 2016.

      Please use in-text citation of source

    10. Info graphic

      Your infographic has a good, sharp focus. The colors, background and font, are easy to read. You will need to use MLA in-text citation and formating for your Work Cited at the end.<br> The chart is helpful. Still I notice that aside from 2016 the number has either been stagnant or decline. Don't you need to address that? Can you provide more data? This seems a bit thin, no? Note need to edit: "Even when the NBA expanded to London and Mexico even for only a few games a year, made more then just London and Mexico players enter the draft."

    1. Is my message clear? What is something you didn’t see or hear that you wish you had? Is it too much information to absorb?

      Your message came through clearly throughout. I never felt that I was overwhelmed or that something was missing in the presentations. I did not Dr. Fallon's reappearance but as I say above you repackaged the data, as it were.

    2. made a lot of choices – which colors to use, which images to use, which order to present my information. Being overly organized with charts and story boards helped me a lot in this process. I also made the choice to fill in some of my silences in the pechakucha with some soft ambient music. This isn’t traditional of the genre, but I like to push boundaries.

      excellent--thanks for letting me some of those choices

    3. Works Cited

      MLA compliant--thanks!

    4. Once this was complete, I created a still storyboard type visual and read my script aloud to make sure it went with each photo. I uploaded all of the photos in order to Windows Movie Maker. I recorded each part of the script separately in Audacity and then brought it into WMM. I also added some soft ambient music and some clapping at the end. This was a complicated genre, but once I organized it, it went pretty smooth.

      I really appreciate the precise detail here

    5. A lot of thought and planning went into drafting these three genres. While creating my infographic

      Yes: I can see evidence of that both in the genres and in your detailed account of your composing process here

    6. I am using a little bit of humor in my 45-second sponsor spotlight.

      I agree--although given your subject humor is hard to come by

    7. and makes it

      and make

    8. Not just what causes it, but who commits it

      edit for fragment

    9. I am targeting students and people interested in investigative reporting

      good strategy

    10. the causes of criminal behavior, I knew that my purpose was to inform. But, what was my message?

      Thank you for making that distinction between purpose and message

    11. also was able to use pathos

      interesting--can you elaborate?

    12. Students, community members, therapists, academics and professionals in the fields of Psychology and Criminal Justice

      good, sharp, precise description

    13. to reach teachers, students, and members of the community – but I am hoping it will reach an even wider audience

      I wonder if you might be more precise as to the intended audience: might you be trying to reach an audience with a particular perspective or openness to the message that you are providing? I'm not saying that you need to limit yourself to that audience but I wonder if some might be more receptive than others--and who they might be

    14. Watergate scandal, Buddy Cianci’s reign as mayor of Providence,

      I've listened to these as well and enjoyed them--I will have to try the third that you reference here

    15. For my research, I have been exploring the underlying causes of criminal behavior. I have been looking to pinpoint the aspects involved in criminal behavior and found that there are many. Each factor of criminal behavior is made up of several aspects on their own, so it is difficult to say that one thing causes criminal behavior over another. It really depends on the circumstances and the individual. However, I have explored various avenues, and hope my research sheds some light on this complex topic. I truly believe that the way we view and treat criminals is key to the prison problem in the US. For this assignment, I have been asked to present my findings in three different genres. I wanted to be able to present my information in an accessible, but meaningful way. The genres I chose were an infographic, a podcast, and a PechaKucha.

      a very helpful introduction

    16. PechaKucha

      Well done. The images that you provide work beautifully with your voice over and focus. I am pleased that provide additional data here as well (even when you bring Dr. Fallon back in you provide new data in the form of his brain scan.<br> Regarding the slide containing the graph: might you work on improving the resolution? It was readable but just a little fuzzy.<br> All-in-all, impressive

    17. Genre Two – Podcast

      I thoroughly enjoyed this podcast--including the cat commercial and sound effects! Thank your daughter for me.

    18. Genre

      You do a fine job with this infographic: it is visually appealing, sharply focused, and contains accessible and compelling data.

    19. – Infographic

      I appreciate the fact that you are citing your sources in text. Are you aware that you are using APA style?

    1. I’m staying away from info graphics, blogs, and magazines for a little while.

      something tells me that might be difficult

    2. o almost be a test run on my own theory of writing– a way of putting my own claims about writing as a process onto paper in the form of 3 drafts.

      good--glad to hear it

    3. Morreall, John. “Philosophy of Humor.” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Sep. 28, 2016 https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/humor/#IncThe  Restak, Richard. “Laughter and The Brain.” The American Scholar, June 10,  2013. https://theamericanscholar.org/laughter-and-the-brain/ Robinson, Lawrence and Smith, Melinda. “Laughter is the Best Medicine.” HelpGuide.org, March 2018, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm

      dates of access?

    4. Edwards, Scott et al. “Humor, Laughter, and Those Aha Moments” On The Brain, Vol. 16, No.2, Spring 2010, pp. 1-3. Gervais, Matthew & Wilson, David. “The Evolution and Functions of Laughter and Humor: A Synthetic Approach. The Quarterly Review of Biology, Vol. 80, No. 4, Dec 2005, pp. 395-430. Mahony, Diana et al. “The Effects of Laughter on Discomfort Thresholds: Does Expectation Become Reality?” Journal of General Psychology, Vol. 128, No. 2, Apr 2001, pp. 217-226

      See MLA format for listing online sources (especially those obtained via database)

    5. so I frequently stated my opinion and personal feeling about the information I was writing.

      can you say more about your composing process?

    6. With that in mind, I ensured that my info graphic was colorful and visually pleasing, as well as relevant to medical information. I also used bright colors, bold text and icons that would grab the reader’s attention.

      okay: good. Can you say more about the process of moving from words to graphics?

    7. Additionally, having two peer reviewers helped me get a bigger sample of readers with different opinions on how to improve my writing,

      I'm glad that you were receptive to getting two reviews: you are fortunate

    8. My target audience for this genre would generally be younger people, so I used interjections and relatable information to help them better connect with my writing.

      good point

    9. Trivia as well as scientific information.

      edit for fragment

    10. 2 genres

      two genres

    11. info graphic

      one word?

    12. Genre 3: Magazine Article

      I appreciate the effort to make this article look like the real thing. The presentation is visually appealing. And the style seems appropriate to what I believe may be an audience of non-specialists but nonetheless those interested in psychology.<br> I am a bit concerned with the redundancy of data from your infographic and Top !0 list. Can you add data not already used?

      I noted a few typos but was not able to highlight the graphic. Still, the writing was clear and, as I say, accessible.

    13. Top 10 Interesting Facts About Laughter:

      Am I understanding correctly that comic, Top 10 lists work from less surprising to most surprising in ascending order, 10 to 1?

    14. you laugh because you don’t expect it, which is also why you can’t tickle yourself.

      who knew? This is interesting.

    15. step by step

      step-by-step

    16. The brain has a knack for these kinds of things. The subtle differences in sound and facial expressions between involuntary and voluntary laughing can be a complete giveaway.

      interesting fact Given the genre I assume you wouldn't cite the source here but would do that elsewhere (as I believe you do).

    17. Top 10 List

      interesting choice of genre--and certainly appropriate to your subject!

    18. Genre 1: Infographic

      Good work on this infographic. I wondered how you'd be able to provide and visually represent data on this particular subject. And thanks for citing and listing your sources.

    1. Did my rationale and reflections work? Or did the two blur together too much?

      I appreciated these questions and found them quite helpful. I hope my comments addressed your concern.

    2. Works Cited:

      Good, MLA form

    3. Traditionally I draw my comics on paper and then scan them into the computer. Instead of doing it this way, I decided to utilize my iPad and draw it digitally to save myself time. During the drawing process, I decided to use minimal art panels, as not to overwhelm the reader, and I kept the majority of the narrative outside of the boxes. Unlike the creation of my infographic or podcast, I aimed to appeal the audience’s pathos, or emotions while teaching and informing.

      Nice--this is a precise view of your composing process

    4. If I were to rank my 3 genres by accessibility to the audience, the infographic would probably be number one on the list.

      I wonder if this section--or at least the ranking of genres and the linking of audiences--belongs in the rationale section?

    5. at least a loose script

      Can you describe something of this process?

    6. (and borderline narcissist)

      I appreciate the self-deprecating humor--you've got the "ethos" going here!

    7. After I dialed myself back, I recorded my podcast with ambient music and minimal jokes. I know from my own personal experience of listening to podcasts that you want them to be entertaining, but not distracting or jarring.

      good, insightful choices

    8. visually dark infographic

      I appreciate the intentional aspect

    9. Genre #3: Comic Memoir

      Delightful memoir, artfully constructed--a real pleasure. And, yes, you do appeal to pathos--and, given your own experience, ethos as well.

    10. Genre #2: Podcas

      This podcast was lots of fun to listen to. And you clearly had fun, too. You really understood what a podcast needs to do.

    11. Genre #1: Infographic

      You do a fine job with this inforgraphic: good, sharp focus, deploying relevant data, intentional design. I also approve of the changes you've made. However, I wonder if you could change the font size of the headline to highlight "book banning" rather than "America." I also still see a discrepancy in the amount of challenges indicated and the period surveyed.

  2. Apr 2018
  3. vvasco28.wixsite.com vvasco28.wixsite.com
    1. BIO

      what do you plan for this space?

    2. he twins did remain sperated even after liberation. However a group called Rescue Children brought Irene to the US in 1950 where she was reunited with Rene.

      cite source

    3. Rene Slotkin

      Did not open

    4. Irene Hizme

      had trouble opening

    5. The experiments can be divided into 3 categories:

      very helpful categories

    6. Hypothermia Experiments- prisoners were immersed into ice water tanks for hours at a time to discover how long German pilots could survive in frozen water when downed by enemies High-altitude experiments- decompression chambers were used to stimulate high altitude conditions Sea water experiments- subjects were given unaltered sea water to determine potability of sea water Sulfanilamide Experiments- war wounds were recreated and deliberately infected on conscious patients in order to evaluate possibilities of new wound treatments for injured soldiers Tuberculosis (TB) Experiments- to determine natural immunities to TB and develop a vaccine against it 

      Please cite sources

    7. What roles did the German Doctors play in the Shoah, particularly in the medical experiments and euthanasia programs? What factors led to deadly medicine? What are the moral and ethical issues involved?

      good, helpful questions

    8. Understand some factors that influenced deadly medicine and understand the moral and ethical issues involved.

      fragment

    1. REFERENCES

      I assume you will include annotated references

    2. Europe

      see my comment above regarding headings

    3. President Roosevelt worried that because of anti-Semitic sentiment in the United States, he would not be able to get public and congressional support to help European Jews escape the Nazis.

      cite evidence

    4. that bombing the tracks “might provoke even more vindictive action by the Germans,” and that “the most effective relief which can be given victims of enemy persecution is to ensure speedy defeat of the Axis.”

      effective but remember to cite your source, okay?

    5. America

      Can you provide a more informative heading?

    6. Put at a Millionit

      edit for punctuation

    7. As early as summer of 1941, the Chicago Tribune covered a story about hundreds of Jews being deported from Berlin on obviously trumped-up charges.

      cite source and reproduce front page?

    8. ILLUSTREATIONS

      typo

    9. THREE CONSTRUCTS OF BYSTANDING

      again, useful concepts

    10. (See the video below from 26 minutes)

      why not create a hyper link here?

    11. human’s sensitivity

      humans'

    12. of Bystande

      edit for capitalization

    13. According to Staub, Internal bystanders are often members of the same society as the perpetrators, who have internalized the culture of devaluation of the victim group and the respect for authority Mean while External Bystanders are outside groups and other nation nations, which tend to remain passive, continue with business as usual, or even support the perpetrators. (Staub 2014)

      useful distinctions--good

    14. This paper suggest

      suggests

    15. and Victims’

      why upper case?

    1. The characterization of the Third Reich: the willingness of ‘ordinary’ people to profit from nazi racism and to pocket advantage gained by the persecution of the Jews.

      I'm having trouble seeing your focus in this section.

    2. met with brad

      note the typo here and elsewhere

    3. What resources / references have you found helpful? References Bergen, Doris L. War & Genocide: A Concise History of the Holocaust. 3rd ed. Lanham: Rowman & Littlefield. 2009. Bessel, Richard. “The Nazi Capture of Power.” Journal of Contemporary History, vol. 39, no. 2, 2004, pp. 169–188. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/3180720. Brustein, William. “Who Joined the Nazis and Why.” American Journal of Sociology, vol. 103, no. 1, 1997, pp. 216–221. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/231179. Feierstein, Daniel, and Douglas Andrew Town. “The Problem of Explaining the Causes of the Nazi Genocides.” Genocide as Social Practice: Reorganizing Society under the Nazis and Argentina's Military Juntas, Rutgers University Press, New Brunswick; New Jersey; London, 2014, pp. 87–103. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt6wq9vn.10. Madden, Paul. “The Social Class Origins of Nazi Party Members as determined by occupations, 1919-1933.” Social Science Quarterly, vol. 68, no. 2, 1987, pp. 263–280. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/42862233. Welch, David. “Nazi Propaganda and the Volksgemeinschaft: Constructing a People's Community.” Journal of Contemporary History, vol. 39, no. 2, 2004, pp. 213–238. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/3180722.

      Please format and annotate your sources.

    4. A Classless Bureaucratic State: The Rise of the Nazi Party in Germany 

      You will of course need to be more careful when selecting font--for size, certainly.

    5. What results have emerged? Examples of student work

      Please delete

    1. Pope Pius XII could have said something, done something to urge Catholic Church leaders to shelter Jews to their greatest of capabilities. He didn’t in large due to his diplomatic stances.

      I don't quite know what the focus of this textbox is.

    2. REFERENCES   Bergen, Doris L. "The Catholic Church and the Holocaust, 1930-1965." Church History, vol. 75, no. 1, 2006, p. 201 . World History In Context, http://www.bristolcc.edu:2259/apps/doc/A144566570/WHIC?u=mlin_s_bristcc&sid=WHIC&xid=ac6510e3. Accessed 29 Apr. 2018.

      Please annotate sources. These sources should also be alphabetically arranged. I believe, also, that you've been directed to check out David Kertzer's book "Hitler's Pope." It's an important work on the subject.

    3. atholic clergy and Nazi officials, including Joseph Goebbels (far right) and Wilhelm Frick (second from right), give the Nazi salute. Germany, date uncertain

      cite source for photos, okay?

    4. “Goldhagen challenges this assertion, and argues that the Church failed the Jews during the Holocaust because they believed in an “eliminationist” ant-Semitism or the desire, not necessarily a lethal one, to rid society of Jews and their influence” (The Catcholic Church And The Holocaust, 1-2).

      not sure who you are quoting or why

    5. Goldhagen challenged for the “Gospel According to Mark” has appropriately 40 anti-Semitic verses.

      edit for clarity?

    6. Author Daniel Jonah Goldhagen writes “A Moral Reckoning”, which looks into the issue of the Catholic Church during The Shoah. He is one of many to criticize Pope Pius XII and the Vatican during the tragedy

      why the change of font size?

    7. “If he (the Pope) found himself absolutely forced to take sides between two contending parties, he went with the stronger, but always in the rearguard, whence he tried to show the other that he was against him through no will of his own; but why, he seemed to be saying, aren’t you stronger; then I’d have come in on your side!”

      You will probably need to comment further on this quotation

    8. On top of that, wartime writing was extremely accurate in knowledge of events of related to the massacres of The Shoah

      not sure how this follows the previous sentence

    9. Even when the Jewish converted to Catholicism, the Vatican didn’t view them as equals.

      evidence?

    10. The Politics and Poetics

      please cite author's last name and page

    11. The vocabulary used in written documents used to communicate between Catholic Churches during The Shoah are controversial

      edit: The vocabulary. . . is controversial

    12. Linguistic Evidence

      Can you tweak this subheading to provide more precise information?

    13. He wanted to play the role of diplomatic peacemaker, which he viewed as an opportunity to save Western Europe from communism and restore the Vatican’s power. He feared that the Vatican might be physically attacked and even occupied by the Germans, and that Rome might be obliterated by aerial attack from both Allied and Axis powers. He wished to protect the German Church.

      please provide in-text citations for sources

    14. The Shoah has gone down in history as one of the most tragic events in

      Please use subject headings to help direct your reader, okay?

    15. There's arguments

      There are arguments

    16. wasn't created over time.

      not sure what this means

    17. ages back

      dates bacK?

    18. I looked into writings of The Shoah that look into previous works from each side of the argument.

      perhaps rephrase for redundancy and clarity?

    1. Examples of student work

      delete

    2. eh

      typo

    3. toot out

      typo

    4. What was your approach and/or what evidence have you gathered?

      delete?

    5. From January 13, 1941 to August roughly 100 victims died each day. (Personal rough estimate is 220 days to make it round and easy which translates to 22,000 people)

      see earlier comments on need to cite source intext

    6. rafeneck was in operation there were a minimum of 10,654 victims gassed and cremated there.

      I do appreciate the precise detail in this section and elsewhere. Do cite your source however.

    7. he first victims perished somewhere between December 1939 and January 1940. 18-20 handicapped patients were gassed and the decision to use carbon monoxide gas as the killing agent for the euthanasia program was decided on. In all by its closing in a total of nine months at least 9,772 individuals perished in Brandenburg.

      please cite source

    8. In 1935 the law was amended allowing doctors to be fined who knew patients that qualified for sterilization but didn’t report such cases.

      very useful information, well placed--but note inconsistent font and missing in-text citation

    9. The Nazi "Euphemistically" titled T4 Program (Aktion T4)

      I wonder if you could reduce the title and remove the term "euphemisically"

    10. Pieffer, J., (1999) Assessing Neuropathological Research carried out on Victims of the “Euthanasia” Programme: With two Lists of Publications from Institutes in Berlin, Munich, and Hamburg. Medizinhistorisches Journal, Bd. 34, 339-355. Franz Steiner Verlag.

      another good source But remember to use a second source from our course and a primary source, right, or am I just not seeing these?

    11. This chapter analyzes the organizational structure of the killing process. It talks about the bureaucratic configuration of the euthanasia program and how it shaped the Nazi mass murder between 1939-1945. Because the post war trials depended on factual context a clear understanding of the trials requires some familiarity with the history of the euthanasia program. This article will help to get a better understanding of how the program developed, who participated, and to what extent. It also goes into the legislation requiring the involuntary sterilization of the “worthless” to help prevent them from further “contaminating” the Reich’s populous.

      I'm confused--are you referencing another source or sources?

    12. Many time

      typo

    13. catholic

      capitalize

    14. Gerstein, K., Pastore, S., trans Matthews, J., (2017) The Euthanasia Program T4. The Nazi Slaughter Of The Disabled, New York, New York.Kurt Gerstein was an SS Officer that tried to expose the T4 program for what it was, murder. In this book we have a translated version of his personal journal. It talks about the formation of the killing machine, how it was structured and the levels of secrecy. There are first hand quotes from individuals from doctors of asylums, Bishops, the different factions of Churches and their stances in Germany, and ordinary people. Hitler and other high-ranking members of the Reich are quoted also along with the bureaucracy that people who resisted the Führer and their plight against what was termed the “machine”. (the T4 Program and it’s unquenchable thirst for the disabled to slaughter).This book is significant because it lays out the who, how, why, where, and when of the program. It gives us an insight to how regular Germans felt about having their relatives slaughtered and the red tape they experienced looking for answers. We also find out that many of the “disabled” knew that they were going to be killed after boarding the SS transfer buses. It helps us to see what the everyday doctor, citizen, or nurse was up against when dealing with the political deceit under the rule of the Führer in Germany.

      I really like the precision and level of detail in these annotations--and the thoughtful, efficient, and helpful evaluations of each source.

    15. There

      typo

    16. T4 The Nazi Elimination of the Disabled via EuthanasiaGreg Delehanty

      note font size inconsistent with rest of the page. Do you want to create a link to the annotated bib, which might have its own page? That might be one way around the problem of space limitations.

    17. Aktion T4 was the Nazi Party's

      Please provide subheadings for text boxes, okay?

    18. unintential

      note typo

    1. appropriateness to the question level of precision and detail richness and depth of insight.

      well done

    2. Creating Your Blog We've included step-by-step instructions as to how to create your blog, which will contain your weekly reading journal.

      enter here

    3. Research Project This assignment asks that you develop a thoughtful and significant question about the Shoah, state a thesis in response to that question, and, through careful research, provide relevant evidence in support of your thesis. You will present your work not in a conventional paper but through a visual medium.

      annotate here

    4. Prerequisite: ENG 101 and ENG 102. Open to Commonwealth Honors Program students and others with permission of instructor.

      good writing

    5.   Evaluation of Course Please take a few moments to fill out this brief survey about the course.

      Have we asked students to fill this out recently?

    6. Sample Web Page Check out this sample web page on art and the Shoah

      Shall we use another sample?

    7. The Holocaust, or, as it has come to be known, the Shoah, is one of the most horrific events in all of world history. Even more than 70 years after the fact, the world continues to struggle with the enormity of this human catastrophe.

      Well said.

    8. The readings in this course are complex, requiring time for reflection as well as for expression of feelings. Your reading journal allows for both, we hope. The journal template provides the prompts or questions, to which you'll respond each week in a blog. Please  please post your journal entry by class time each week.

      Excellent writing

    1. 8. Please indicate your first choice: *This question is required. -- Please Select --Academic Standards CommitteeAcademic Standing CommitteeAffirmative Action CommitteeCentral CommitteeCollege Awards CommitteeCollege-wide Curriculum CommitteeDisability Services CommitteeEducational Effectiveness CommitteeEducational Media CommitteeFirst Year Experience and Orientation CommitteeMulticultural CommitteeProfessional Development for Faculty/Professional StaffScholarship CommitteeStrategic Planning CommitteeSustainability CommitteeTechnology Planning and Policy CommitteeTraffic, Safety, and Security Committee 9. Please indicate your second choice: *This question is required. -- Please Select --Academic Standards CommitteeAcademic Standing CommitteeAffirmative Action CommitteeAuxiliary Services CommitteeCentral CommitteeCollege Awards CommitteeCollege-wide Curriculum CommitteeDisability Services CommitteeEducational Effectiveness CommitteeEducational Media CommitteeFirst Year Experience and Orientation CommitteeMulticultural CommitteeOneBook CommitteeProfessional Development for Faculty/Professional StaffScholarship CommitteeStrategic Planning CommitteeSustainability CommitteeTechnology Planning and Policy CommitteeTraffic, Safety, and Security Committee 10. Please indicate your third choice: *This question is required. -- Please Select --Academic Standards CommitteeAcademic Standing CommitteeAffirmative Action CommitteeAuxiliary Services CommitteeCentral CommitteeCollege Awards CommitteeCollege-wide Curriculum CommitteeDisability Services CommitteeEducational Effectiveness CommitteeEducational Media CommitteeFirst Year Experience and Orientation CommitteeMulticultural CommitteeOneBook CommitteeProfessional Development for Faculty/Professional StaffScholarship CommitteeStrategic Planning CommitteeSustainability CommitteeTechnology Planning and Policy CommitteeTraffic, Safety, and Security Committee

      Will applicants know what these committees do?

    2. Interest Form

      Statement of Interest?

    3. On behalf of the Central Committee, we are excited to provide you with an excellent opportunity for you to become involved in college governance at BCC. The Committee, receiving excellent support from President Douglas, has developed a time-limited pilot program for this fall semester that involves adjunct faculty serving on most college committees. Participants will be compensated for their time, included in all aspects of the committee’s work, and will be asked to provide feedback at the end of the semester. The focus of the Central Committee’s efforts next academic year will be to review the governance system at the college and this pilot will help inform this process. To help potential participants better understand the commitment for this project, the Central Committee has developed the following information your interest. 

      Can we reduce this to read: On behalf of the Central Committee, we are excited to provide you with an excellent opportunity for you to become involved in college governance at BCC. Participants will be compensated for their time, included in all aspects of the committee’s work, and will be asked to provide feedback at the end of the semester.

    1. states

      States

    2. Concussions are the more severe out of the two, they can lead to permanent blurry vision, headaches, and memory loss.

      edit for comma splice

    3. Everybody will get injured one way or another, all you can do is hope it is not severe, career ending, or life threatening at such a young age.

      edit for comma splice? note also shift to "you"?

    4. But for every ten good kids there seems to always be that one kid who just doesn’t quite catch this good character concept

      new paragraph?

    5. According to the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, “sports can teach leadership, self-respect, and confidence”

      good integration of source material but I don't see an author cited

    6. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services “kids who play sports tend to perform better at school”

      good point but cite author's last name, okay?

    7. hand in hand relationship with students

      not sure I understand

    8. Joseph Studer

      I can't find this source in your list of Works Cited

    9. Being physically active causes better sleep levels and also help maintain high energy level.

      cite source?

    10. you are

      why the shift to "you"?

    11. Kids who play sports are less likely to have heart trouble and be obese

      okay--good. Please cite source?

    12. But, what effect does sports truly have on our youth? Playing sports of course has its physical benefits, but it is not limited to only that. Sports can also help our children academically, help with building their character, and help them socially. With that being said sports doesn’t have all positive impacts. Playing sports at a young age can create things like poor attitude and unfair par

      I like what you are doing in this first paragraph--setting things up nicely

    13. While also being more susceptible to long term injuries and being taught bad habits by early coaches.

      edit for fragment?

    14. are goods and bads

      advantages and disadvantages?

    15. There has always been two sides

      have always been

    16. According to The Washington Post “40 percent of kids in the U.S. play a team sport on a regular basis”

      good use of source--remember to cite author's last name if you have it

    17. participation and involvement is at

      are at

    18. Allen, Mark S., et al. “Sport participation, screen time, and personality trait development during childhood.” British Journal of Developmental Psychology, vol. 33, no. 3, 2015, p. 386., doi:10.1111/bjdp.12102.

      good form. Do you need a third peer review article?

    1. Most pathogens that could contaminate our water system comes from the feces of human and animals.

      you are not citing your sources, here and elsewhere

    2. I can remember going to the beach as a child and swimming in the ocean, going under the water getting a mouth full of salt water and seaweed.

      I am losing the thread of this paragraph: what is your topic sentence?

    3. All of these water changing forms in response to earth climatic conditions for the scientifically speaking hydrologic cycle.

      we will need to work on editing fragments such as this

    4. The one thing first and foremost is to watch your local news

      try to be mindful of your purpose, which is to inquire rather than argue a position, okay?

    5. A process that describes the constant movement of water above the earth on and below the earth the surface, first precipitation, second evaporation, third condensation, and last infiltration.

      edit for fragment?

    6. what man can do to make it better for human consumptions?

      rephrase?

    7.  Is Our Drinking Water Safe?

      good, clear, timely, and important question

    8.                                                          Work Cited   https://www.doh.wa.gov/portals/1/Documents/Pubs/331-181.pdf         https://fortress.wa.gov/doh/odwpubs/

      Please follow MLA format. And please include three peer reviewed articles and one interview.