8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Oct 2018
    1. Like how in 1942, when she claims “I remember being caught for speaking Spanish at recess – that was good for three licks on the knuckles with a sharp ruler.”(Gloria)

      fragment in in-text use author's last name only

    2. The audience he aimed towards we’re people that needed more inspiration and to endlessly keep pushing forward.

      please be more precise Do you mean "future teachers"? How do we know that he is speaking mostly to them?

    3. Authors and writers share their story to give knowledge to people, but also to share their personal experiences. For each author or writer, they seek certain audiences in hopes to change or understand their view on certain topics. These topics could be as little as how to dye hair and other topics could be as big as a story on how it’s like to to lose both parents while you’re child.

      I appreciate your effort here to set things up for your reader but I wonder if you could be more to the point sooner? Can you reference our three key terms earlier and try to orient your reader more effectively?

    4. Donavon Livingston’s Speech-https://www.facebook.com/HarvardEducation/videos/10153893399331387 Gloria’s “How to Tame a Tongue”-https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf Pecha Kucka Presentation “Every 60 Seconds in Africa”- https://www.pechakucha.org/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot

      not in MLA format please begin with author's last name, then first, alphabetizing as you go. Please include title of source, publication date, and date of access

    5. t’s the main reason why writer’s do so, to share their story and to get a better understanding before judging a book by it’s cover.

      I don't see a post write.

    1. The Pecha Kucha presentation “Every 60 seconds in Africa” was more complex than the others.

      in that it. . . Try to revise your topic sentence to help focus your paragraph's argument, okay?

    2. er message by first hand experience.

      I appreciate the effort at transition but might you also revise the topic sentence to help focus the argument of your paragraph?

    3. Gloria Anzaldua’s “How to Tame a Wild Tongue”, she shows her audience

      Please rephrase, as here: in "How to Tame" Gloria Anzaldua shows her audience. . . .

    4. by touching on such an important topic such as slavery.

      what does slavery have to do with teaching and learning? Dive deeper into his words, okay?

    5. From there that can also help decide the audience, which the work is intended for. The audience is the decision factor for the piece of work to see if it is effective or not. Then comes the purpose and why the author decided to form this piece of work. The creator has to clearly express the message he/she is trying to get across.

      This is helpful--thanks.

    6. There’s three key points that the author has to identify and execute.

      There are You might want to begin your sentences avoiding "There." which really isn't a subject. Try "Authors need to identify three points when writing"

    7. Aggad, Faten “Every 60 Seconds in Africa” a pecha kucha presentation February 29, 2016 Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue?” Borderland/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza. Second Edition. San Francisco: Aunt Lute, 1987. 217. Print. https://english1103fall.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/howtotameawildtongue-2-1101.pdf Livingston, Donavon Spoken word commencement address Harvard University 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XGUpKITeJM  

      close to MLA form but not quite: missing dates of access and remember to be consistent with capitalization of titles

    8. I felt like I was digging so much deeper and realizing that presentation has so much to do with your piece of work. I never realized how complex writing was until analyzing these pieces of work. It was very different to what I usually write. In order to understand what you’re writing yourself, you have to understand the process and that’s what I took out of this assignment. I learned that those three elements are your guidelines in creating a piece of work.

      This is helpful but remember to answer the questions from the postwrite template, okay?

    1. Billy Collins’ commencement address shares many similarities to Livingston’s piece in terms of genre and audience. Like Livingston’s commencement address, Collins’ is a speech, but contains a poem at the end, allowing the piece to be placed in either category. Also similarly to Livingston, Collins’ piece is geared more towards the younger generation, specifically college graduates who are about to enter the “real world” as some might put it. These people have such busy lives that they often don’t stop to live in the moment. Teaching them to stop every once in a while and focus more on the present is the main purpose of the speech.

      I like the way you are trying to connect these writers but you seem to rush your analysis of Collins' speech, no?

    2. specifically those who are going into the education field.

      good But can you provide detailed evidence in support of your claim about audience?

    3. It’s easy to see why she chose this genre, because the photos are very effective in informing her audience. Aggad-Clerx had to think about people living in Western nations who believe these stereotypes while writing. She probably focused on the younger generation, as the younger someone is, the easier it is for their opinion to change.

      good observations And might young people take not only to her message but the delivery via images?

    4. Faten Aggad-Clerx’s PechaKucha “Every Sixty Seconds in Africa…” explores the stereotypes that some people in Western nations often have of Africa. Aggad-Clerx touches upon how many people view Africa as a country rather than a continent, and the stereotype that Africa has no urban development

      This is helpful but might you begin with a topic sentence that suggests how Aggad-Clerx uses genre, audience, and purpose?

    5. In order to create a successful piece of writing, all writers must develop what is known as the rhetorical situation. The rhetorical situation focuses on three main aspects of writing. One of these aspects is genre, which refers to the format the writing is in. Is it a novel or essay? A poem or a song? A text or a tweet? When a writer chooses genre, they must carefully choose one that would best suit the other two elements of the rhetorical situation: the purpose and the audience. The purpose is the main idea of a piece. For example, if someone creates a blog post explaining what they did over the weekend, the purpose of the post is informing people about everything the writer did. The audience of a piece of writing is the group of people that the piece is intended for. It’s important to have a target audience when writing, because if there’s no specific audience in mind, the writing could seem confusing, some aspects of it may seem out of place, and the purpose may not be clear. A writer must choose their audience based on the purpose of their writing. The intended audience for an action film, for instance, would be very different from the intended audience for a nature documentary.

      Your introduction is very nicely done--introducing your reader to the three key terms in a clear and accessible way.

    6.             Aggad-Clerx, Faten, ”Every Sixty Seconds in Africa,” PechaKucha, February 29, 2016. https://www.pechakucha.org/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot Livingston, Donovan,”Lift Off,” May 25, 2016. https://www.facebook.com/HarvardEducation/videos/10153893399331387 Collins, Billy, “Commencement Speech Transcript,” May 19, 2008.  http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm  

      very close to MLA form You will just need to alphabetize by author's last name and include dates of access

    7. At the end of writing the paper, I reread it several times to make sure all of the required elements had been included, and that no typos had been made.

      can you say more about your choices? Perhaps giving examples?

    1. Which was a technique that Donovan Livingston also used while giving his commencement address to the graduates of Harvard Education

      note fragment although I appreciate the effort at transition

    2. Collins also went in a more informal, comedic path with his speech which also helped to keep his audience so engaged

      good observation: want to quote for an an example?

    3. Unlike Faten’s work, Billy Collins was directed towards a live audience.

      nice try at transition but note that Aggad-Clerx also had a live audience

    4. It is infered that her audience consists of the younger generations because they are more open to change, and optimism and it is evident why she chose a Pecha Kucha as her outlet, as it is known that the younger generations are often on the internet and it is an easily accessible way to reach her purpose to her viewers.

      good, sharp analysis

    5. s a power point presentation with 20 slides and for each slide the “author” has 20 seconds to get their point across based off

      genre expectations

    6. Diving deeper into “Every 60 seconds in Africa”: A Pecha Kucha Presentation made by Faten Aggard-Clerx

      note the fragment This lapse is especially important given that this should be your topic sentence, right?

    7. he use of connecting these is shown through the works of “Every 60 Seconds in Africa”: A Pecha Kucha Presentation, Billy Collins Commencement address at Colorado College, and Donovan Livingston’s “Spoken word” Commencement address.

      I appreciate the care you are taking to introduce your paper.

    8. they have to consider the fact that their audience consists of young children who will not understand an in-depth speech using medical term

      exactly--good example

    9. These are key components of having a successful piece of writing

      good--this seems the start of a Big Idea about writing (your Theory of Writing)

    10. Aggad-Clerx, Faten. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa…” PechaKucha 20×20, 29 Feb. 2016, www.pechakucha.org/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot. Collins, Billy. “Poet Laureate Billy Collins Gives Brilliand and Witty Commencement Address at Colorado College, 2008.” Six Rules of Success | Graduation Speech 2009 | Arnold Schwarzenegger, 19 May 2008, www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm. Livingston, Donovan. “Lift Off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education, 25 May 2016, www.gse.harvard.edu/news/16/05/lift.

      pretty good form needingl only dates of access

    11. POST WRITE: Revising this draft was a bit of a challenge for me because usually when I am writing everything will just flow and going back and making

      This is a thoughtful post write but don't forget to follow the post write questions (on our web page).

    12. For example, in my first draft the intro was a lot more wordy as well as some of the body paragraphs and that made the essay a lot more foggy and confusing, taking out some of those elements helped make my writing a lot more clear and understandable.

      nice--can you give a more detailed example of the kind of changes you are describing?

    1. that our voices are something that should be heard and not brushed off.

      I think you are very close here, although again need to be more precise as to who you are talking about

    2. o inform the audience that we all have a bigger purpose then to not speak on whats on our minds

      again, close but you need to be more precise and engaged with the talk

    3. was to the people that obligated to not speak what’s on their minds and to the people that try to shut powerful minds up.

      okay: try to be more precise and dig deeper into her writing: she's teaching out in part to people who live on the borders of languages and cultures but also people who are monolingual and who try to dictate what language is proper to people like Anzaldua

    4. people that doubt themselves or to the people that doubt others in society or even on education.

      Can you be more precise and dig deeper into his talk? His audience seems in part to be future and present teachers, no?

    5. There’s primarily only one audience that the writer writes for but it’s how you interpret the writing piece as the audience

      not sure I understand this topic sentence. May I suggest as I did earlier that you not begin with There" and start with the proper subject? Writers have primarily one audience with which they try to communicate

    6. There are unlimited amount of genres in the world that writers create.

      How about starting this key sentence with a clearer subject? Writers can drawn from an unlimited amount of genres.

    7. When the audience actually understands the purpose of the writing the writer’s purpose is fulfilled.

      This intro is helpful but I don't follow the last sentence or understand its logic.

    8. Post write I feel that in my first draft I didn’t explain what the genre exactly was and now I have stated and explain why the genre I have stated correlates with each writer. Also i feel i have written a paper with the same prompt before. Ive pulled the genre, audience and purpose out of a reading before and explained them.

      This is helpful but doesn't address the questions in the postwrite template.

    9. Aggad, Faten “Every 60 Seconds in Africa” a pecha kucha presentation February 29, 2016 Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue?” Borderland/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza. Second Edition. San Francisco: Aunt Lute, 1987. 217. Print. https://english1103fall.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/howtotameawildtongue-2-1101.pdf Livingston, Donavon Spoken word commencement address Harvard University 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XGUpKITeJM

      close to MLA form but needing a few elements:dates of access (and in Aggad-Clerx's case the location of the presentation with date of access).

    1. feel like with that quote he is trying to say that if you mess with people of a different language you are messing with everyone of a different language and I feel like the purpose is to tell the government let us speak our language and not get hurt for it or prepare for a fight back.

      This paragraph seems to have lost its focus.

    2. Another story I thought was a good choice for my assignment is Gloria Anzaldua how to tame a wild tongue a

      let's work on developing a more meaningful transition and topic sentence, okay?

    3. A thing that Donovan said is “Our stories are ladders to make it easier to touch the stars, so climb and grab them, keep climbing and grab them” he is basically telling people to reach for dreams and never give up on trying to reach them.

      Is he speaking to teachers here? Can you tie this powerful passage to your analysis of audience?

    4. The story I’m writing about is Donovan Livingston’s commencement address which is in the poetry genre and the audience he is writing for is to a teacher and all the school districts,

      okay: you've identified genre and audience but can you step back a bit and produce a topic sentence first? That will help you develop your analysis which right now seems hurried.

    5. For my assignment I have to analyze  three stories and the stories I chose are Donovan Livingston’s commencement address, Gloria Anzaldua how to tame a wild tongue, and Pech Kucha every 60 seconds in Africa I chose to analyze these stories because I thought that the stories would have a lot of meaning in them.

      Can you introduce our three key terms and define them?

    6. Gloria Anzaldua how to tame a wild tongue, and Pech Kucha every 60 seconds in Africa I chose to analyze these stories because I thought that the stories would have a lot of meaning in them.

      Please edit for mechanics: punctuation and capitalization?

    7. The purpose is just to inform people on whats happening and that they should help because we all need the same things

      I don't see a post write I don't see a list of Works Cited

    1. In this paragraph he uses the words “when” and “wait” over again to make the audience understand his point.

      I sense the need for a conclusion, don't you?

      I don't see a list of Works Cited

    2. King knew his audience very well and was very relatable and personal in a direct way

      how do we know that he is aware of his audience? how does that affect his tone and message and purpose?

    3. She makes an effort to make her audience think differently and challenges them to look at their own flaws because not everybody’s perfect.

      move earlier in the paragraph in the part about purpose?

    4. The genre that she chose can show the audience that you can explain your message without using just words. She is most likely writing to a younger audience because they aren’t so firm on their beliefs yet.

      good connection between genre and audience

    5. Collins’ message compared to the message of Aggad-Clerx “Every 60 Seconds in Africa… A Minute Passes” is different

      I appreciate the effort at a transition but can you revise to focus on genre, audience, and purpose?

    6. genre of writing is a graduation speech for the graduating class of Colorado College 2008

      want to revise your topic sentence that includes not only genre but audience and purpose?

    7. Collins’ purpose is to motivate, prepare, and tell the audience about the future and how time is very limited in life

      good--can you provide quotation in support?

    8. What is the genre of the writing? What is the message of the writing? What is the purpose and who are you writing for? What kind of voice or sound are you trying to portray?

      all good and important questions for writers

    9. Writing can be a way of communicating, but it also can be a way to explain your ideas to make sense to the reader.

      not sure I know the difference

    1. Her purpose was to not only raise awareness but to also make us take a peek at ourselves in the mirror to realize we are the same.

      good but notice how this important point is buried in the middle of this paragraph

    2. “Every 60 seconds in Africa”, a 20 slide presentation, give us the same writing experience.

      revise topic and transition for more precision and meaning?

    3. he was trying to tell minorities around the world that she is unique

      is she speaking only about herself? who are her intended readers, exactly? What does she have in common with them?

    4. Her audience was focused around minorities

      please define who these minorities are exactly: people living on the border of languages and cultures

    5. These elements are just a few of the many pieces of writing we should concentrate on not only for presentation wise but for ourselves as well.

      I don't see a list of Works Cited.

    1. or King, his genre was a non-fiction informational letter. Livingston’s spoken word address, as well as Aggad-Clerx’s Pecha Kucha are non-fiction as well, though the genre changes slightly. Livingston is in the form of a spoken word poem, delivered as a speech. Every 60 Seconds in Africa could be seen as a speech as well, though it was intended to be an informational 20 slide presentation. Livingston’s intended genre for Lift Off  seems to just be just another commencement address, but it was also meant to spark inspiration in his audience.

      why did these writers choose these genres?

    2. She uses not only pathos, but logos to get to her audience. The pecha kucha is fact based, informing the readers or listeners, but many of the slides are backed with pictures and anecdotes that evoke emotion.

      who is her intended audience, do you think?

    3. teaching experiences to humanize the subject of his work and connect to the reader’s on a personal level

      good--please provide textual evidence?

    4. In Donovan Livingston’s spoken word commencement address, he too has the upper hand in knowing his audience, future teachers.

      good--want to create a new paragraph, for your reader's sake and for the sake of clarity?

    5. . King knows his audience and knows how to word his message to speak to them specifically

      good--can you be more precise? How is his writing meant to appeal to this particular audience?

    1. He was very aware of who his audience was, he was a religious leader himself.

      yes: say more. How does his awareness of audience shape his tone and message and purpose?

    2. In How to Tame a Wild Tongue by Gloria Anzaldua, the message is in a completely different approach,

      different, how? Can you work on the transition? I'd like to see a clearer topic sentence to give a sharper focus to this paragraph

    3. that requires particular rhetorical moves(3).

      please use quotation marks when quoting, okay? What does the phrase "rhetorical moves" mean to you?

    4. Audience is a select crowd or group of people that are listening, spectating and even reading. Purpose is the author’s reason for writing, every author out there has a purpose when it comes to their work. Genre is the kind of writing it is, there are various amounts of genres that can be put into writing.

      these definitions are helpful

    5. Every writer has a purpose in their writing, it can be a message to a certain audience, they can be giving good advice or even giving you information you didn’t even know about, etc.

      edit for comma faults (using comma like period)?

    6. Blau, Susan, and Kathryn Burak. Writing in the Works. Houghton Mifflin, 2007. Print. -Anzaldúa, Gloria. How to Tame a Wild Tongue. Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiza. Aunt Lute Books, 2012. Print. -King, Martin Luther, Jr. Letter from Birmingham Jail. 16 Apr. 1963. Web.

      not quite MLA format--I'd be glad to help you.

    1. Hwnildes yet proud, quielos yet wild, noso- lros losmexicanos-Chicmws will walk by the crumbling ashes as we go about our business. Stubborn, persevering, impenetrable as stone, yet possessing a malleability that renders us unbreak- able, we, the meslizas and mestizos,will remain.

      please quote accurately--lots of typos here

    2. Anzaldua’s audience for this chapter in a book is everyone that feels like they are being discriminated against because of who they are.

      Can you be more precise? Dive deeper into her writing to identify the people whom she is reaching out to?

    3. When Gloria Anzaldua wrote “How To Tame A Wild Tongue,”she wanted to recall and explain her experiences as a young chicano girl

      transition? More focused topic sentence?

    4. King’s target audience for this letter is the white clergymen who haven’t experienced anything like King has

      yes want to start a new paragraph?

    5. “Never before have I written a letter this long — or should I say a book? I’m afraid that it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else is there to do when you are alone for days in the dull monotony of a narrow jail cell other than write long letters, think strange thoughts, and pray long prayers?”

      cite page?

    6. Martin Luther King Jr’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” shows the immense passion by Dr. King towards racism and even though he is in jail, his courage and persistence. T

      yes but can you provide a transition and a topic sentence focusing on genre, audience, and purpose?

    7. In the end his whole purpose from this was to inspire the graduates and tell them not to squander their time and live life to the fullest while they can.

      Can you break up this long paragraph--for your reader's sake?

    8. Throughout his speech he Billy Collins uses analogies and many other literary devices to convey his audience

      okay--maybe an example would help? But how do these "analogies" fit your theme of rhetorical choices (genre, audience, purpose)?

    9. s by Billy Collins, this is his Commencement Address at Colorado College in which he gave to the graduates of that year.

      note comma fault and some phrasing issues

    10. The way that each and every writer chooses the audience they want to intrigue, what genre they will write in, and what purpose they will write with is what makes each and every work by a writer special in its own way. Audience is defined as who the work is intended for. A audience can be people ranging from very young to old, and it can be for any type of person. Genre can be defined as the type of writing that a author uses to make it different from other works. Purpose is defined as the authors reason and intent for writing.

      This is a helpful introduction.

    11. Works Cited Anzaldua. Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” PDF   “Poet Laureate Billy Collins Gives Brilliand and Witty Commencement Address at Colorado College, 2008.” Six Rules of Success | Graduation Speech 2009 | Arnold Schwarzenegger, www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm.   Luther King Jr. Martin. “Letter from Birmingham Jail” PDF

      incomplete--not in MLA format. I'd be glad to help.

    1. has been discriminated against along with those who discriminate to help them see the opposite side from where those who are being discriminated against as stated in the text 

      who precisely?

    2. tell teachers to instead of looking at students as just another piece of the puzzle to look at each and everyone of them as a Separate intellectuals who all have potential to blossom and become something great.

      good

    3. letter from Birmingham jail” the genre is best portrayed as a nonfictional letter based on the actions occurring in Birmingham as stated by Martin Luther kings

      edit for capitalization and apostrophe?

    4. The dictionary defines Genre as “a category of artistic composition as in music or literature, characterized by similarities in form ,style or subject matter.”

      good--helpful

    5. uring the years I’ve been alive for. Throughout my years I’ve began to grow fond of the idea that we are all brought up and bred differently from each other just imagine a world where we all speak the same and none of our differences were to define us.

      you will need to edit for punctuation, no? And I"m not exactly sure what the opening is doing, to be honest.

    6. Throughout the 18 years of my life growing up I’ve never really thought about how who you are and what defines you would create as big of an issue as it has

      please keep these lines formatted for ease of reading. They are broken up.

    1. piece, the audience may be people who were in the same boat as her, discriminated against.

      yes--good. But why were they discriminated against? Dive deeper into her work, okay?

    2. Moreover, he even addressed it to Rabbi’s and Pastors directly, he knew exactly who he was writing to and for.

      edit for comma fault (comma used as period) Okay--you've identified his audience. Can you describe how that awareness helps King shape his tone and message?

    3. I hear the anger rising in his voice. My tongue keeps pushing out the wads of cotton, pushing back the drills, the long thin needles.”

      cite page?

    4. With one piece of writing we’ve read (the transcript), William James Collins, also known as Billy Collins, Commencement Address at Colorado College, in May 2008.

      fragment?

    5. In writing, purpose is to do something with determination, trying to persuade the reader to agree with the author, wanting to force the reader to think, act a specific way.

      good

    6. This certain project had to be based on a specific genre, mine was adventure.

      note the comma faults: using a comma like a period between sentences

    7. Collins, Billy. “Poet Laureate Billy Collins Gives Brilliand and Witty Commencement Address at Colorado College, 2008.” Six Rules of Success | Graduation Speech 2009 | Arnold Schwarzenegger, www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm.   King, Martin Luther Jr. “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” The Negro Is Your Brother, vol. 212, The Atlantic Monthly, Aug. 1963, pp.78-88. No. 2, https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf   Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue”. Borderlands / La Frontera: The New Mestiza. Aunt Lute Books, 2012. Print.

      pretty good form but needing to be alphabetized and given dates of access. not sure what Schwartenegger has to do with the Collins' address, though

    1. he genre displayed here is a letter, written from his jail cell correcting the misconceptions held by the clergymen. The purpose of Kings letter was to defend the strategy of nonviolent resistance to racism.

      good on both counts but why wait until the end of the paragraph to make these observations?