99 Matching Annotations
  1. Dec 2015
    1. All of which makes Vint Virga's project — sustaining that illusion, by incremental changes in how the animals are treated — seem more than a little quixotic. Last August, the Costa Rican government announced it was closing all its zoos. The new policy, the government declared, was "no cages." (A court ruling has so far kept the zoos open.) I think we're moving slowly toward the same sensibility. In 25 years, there will likely still be some way for Americans to see exotic animals. But I will be pretty surprised if those places have cages, mirrors, smoke machines, and conference-room tanks for 12,000-pound whales. There may be nature preserves. But it seems to me that we're pretty rapidly reaching the end of the era of the modern urban zoo

      strong concluding paragraph, has sources and evidence

    2. Last August, the Costa Rican government announced it was closing all its zoos

      evidence that greatly supports the author's main point, sourced

    3. It is hard to avoid the conclusion that in some way the animals understand that the world around them is an artificial one, that these phobias and psychotic episodes represent reactions to that artifice, or subversions of it.

      supporting information

    4. A giraffe who freaks out about men with large cameras, a brown bear whose cage door is the subject of his obsessive compulsive disorder, a 5,000-pound killer whale who shows her trainer who is boss by dragging him underwater for just about as long as he can live, before letting him go

      evidence, sourced

    5. In the first two years of her life, my daughter has seen more of the savannah, via National Geographic's website, than I did in the 30-plus years before she was born

      connecting reader


    6. I think these fabrications comprise a great deal of what zoos depend upon, and what has begun to fail: a kind of double illusion, in which the people are convinced that they are seeing animals in something like their natural state and the animals, most of whom have never lived in the wild, are convinced that they are at home

      discrediting counter-argument


    7. Samuels also visits the set designers who fabricate the present-day exhibit spaces, and learns about the tricks they employ to make the enclosures seem more realistic: smoke machines, "half-slivered" mirrors, native American trees that kind of resemble those in postcard versions of the Congo


    8. But I found

      unlike the last article, this author uses the conjunction at the beginning of the sentence in a more appropriate way and so far this is the only one I have noticed. the article keeps a semi-formal tone (with small interjections that lighten the mood).

    9. Now we understand that animal cognition and social behavior is for many species pretty sophisticated, and there is a new form of intelligence to define ourselves against: Not what makes us different than a chimpanzee, but what makes us different than Siri? Perhaps this is pushing us toward a closer identification with the animals and helping to shape some of the discomfort with zoos

      sub-claim, possible main point

    10. For a very long post-Enlightenment period, human beings asked themselves what made them different from the apes, and fixed on logic and reason as the highest human characteristics; zoos were a way to engage that question while emphasizing that there was a great distinction indeed.

      veeerrrryyyyy good piece of information, gets the reader thinking and is an attention getter

    11. t got attention mostly for a discovery Samuels made, in the archives, that the leading figure in the early history of the Bronx Zoo was a eugenicist propagandist named Madison Grant who corresponded with Hitler, and saw his work at the Zoo in the same vein, as rescuing the perfect form of a species before it declined. (Grant once exhibited a human pygmy named Ota Benga at the Zoo; crowds of 40,000 greeted Ota Benga by jeering and poking him; eventually, he committed suicide.) The Grant story caught on in part because it highlighted what is anachronistic about zoos.

      connecting reader using a touchy topic

    12. "This is the worst thing I've seen in a long time," Virga says.

      sourced quote to support main point

    13. He spends time alone with the giraffe so she might grow comfortable with him, feeds her branches when visitors are around so she grows more comfortable with the scenario. He teaches zoo technicians how to medicate animals without freaking them out. Occasionally, for the most stubborn cases, he prescribes Prozac.

      evidence, crediting subject

    14. A giraffe develops a compulsive fear of men with large cameras. Halberstadt writes, "Disorders like phobias, depression and OCD, documented at zoos, don’t appear to have analogues among animals living in the wild

      sourced sub-claim

    15. But most of the issues are hard to imagine arising in the wild. A brown bear develops a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, repeatedly, almost ritually, smashing his head into a metal door in his enclosure. A harbor seal is uneasy about being treated by the vet

      evidence, sub-claims

    16. Libby can be kind of a jerk," a zookeeper tells Virga, speaking of a quarrelsome sheep — no wonder other sheep have been fighting with her.

      connect reader, keep attention

    17. Called in by zoos to assess a psychologically troubled animal, he tries to understand the source of the stress and alter it

      describing subject

    18. a gentle soul with some weenie strains.

      connecting reader, fallacy

    19. though whether that actually happens still seems a little unclear to me — but this was a more modest case, that zoos are doing much less harm to animals than they once did, that they deserve credit for being re-conceived from the zoo animal's point of view. As for what the zoo animal's point of view is, that's the province of Vint Virga, the behaviorist subject of the Times Magazine piece.

      discrediting counter-argument

    20. Zoos have changed incredibly in the past thirty years," a second-generation zoo director named Mark Reed tells Halberstadt. "These days, moats and glass have replaced cages; there are education departments and conservation initiatives. And full-time vets, antibiotics and better diets have doubled and in some cases tripled animals’ life spans in captivity.” Zoo advocates tend to argue that exhibiting animals leads to a stronger conservation movement


    21. Soon, state legislators in California and New York introduced bills making it illegal to keep orcas in captivity. SeaWorld's profits took a hit; CNN and the Times started musing about its long-term viability as a business; protests mounted. But the case against SeaWorld always seemed a little narrowly construed. If it was an abomination to keep a killer whale in a tiny cage, then why was it okay to keep a polar bear in a similarly restrictive enclosure? Sure, SeaWorld's marketing is particularly crass, but if the basic problem is that intelligent, social animals are being kept in inhumane conditions that may be driving them insane, then shouldn't that same principle apply to other species, too? It's hard to think that SeaWorld should be put out of business and not have complicated thoughts about the National Zoo. You can't just stop at the orca; you've got to consider the orangutan

      evidence, connect reader

    22. If you were in a bathtub for 25 years, don't you think you'd get a little psychotic?"

      evidence, connecting reader, sub-claim

    23. hat film's subject is Tillikum, a 12,000-pound male killer whale who had been for years a star attraction at Sea World, a celebrated run that ended when he attacked and killed his trainer immediately following a live show.

      evidence, sourced

      connecting reader

    24. ut the whole animal captivity picture began to look decidedly more grim and less defensible (to me, and also to lawmaking bodies) in 2013, with the release of the sublime documentary Blackfish.

      sourced evidence

    25. Madagascar and Planet of the Apes,

      connect reader

    26. afety, mostly, and access to medical care, and the presence of a team of trained professionals who work very hard to entertain and engage you

      acknowledging counter-argument, gaining points to his credibility

    27. one million times the territory that they do in captivity, and zoo polar bears suffer all kinds of pathologies and maladies


    28. One long-term 1983 study of animal mortality at the San Diego Zoo found cannibalism and infanticide, widespread malnutrition, and frequent deaths from tranquilizer use. (An online summary is included in the essay here.

      sourced, evidence


    29. the zoo eradicationists tend to cite a somewhat melodramatic Rilke poem about a panther caged in a Paris zoo: "It seems to him there are / a thousand bars; and beyond the bars no world"

      connect reader, source

    30. My daughter is not quite 2, and the zoo brings out all of her best and least complicated emotions — awe, delight, empathy

      connect reader

    31. I realize that to even raise this issue makes you sound like some kind of sour, rule-bound vegetarian, so let me make clear my position up front: I love zoos.

      connecting reader

      acknowledges a negative viewpoint

    32. whether there is a good reason for zoos to exist at all.

      main point

    33. the psychological lives of their animals.

      I view this, personally, as an attention getter

    1. A more united Earth

      Is this "chapter" the end? If so, this is a poor conclusion. It goes on like a main point until the last two paragraphs. The last paragraph would make a good ending to the article, but there should be a conclusion either added before or right in front of it. Another option is to leave that "chapter" ended and begin a new one for the conclusion.

    2. Everyone connected is part of the next chapter in the story of humanity. All of us have a chance to write it together. A united Earth is coming.

      Good ending sentence, connect reader

    3. Everyone connected is part of the next chapter in the story of humanity


      Point understood, but it sounds awful, needs rewording

    4. The problems of every nation shall be our problems — but so will the opportunities and solutions that we can all build together. Every leader, movement, business and organization has a chance to harness the power of this planetary community to move the entire world forward.

      sub-claim, connect reader

    5. But for the very first time in history, instead of listening to leaders speak on behalf of the world, the world shall speak for itself.

      Reword he beginning and then this good statement will become a great statement

    6. Change creates new tensions and problems in society, which must be carefully managed — or progress can be easily reversed

      Very good point, debatable

    7. This will not be a utopian future. As millions of people begin to work together to advance a new world, many more will remain mired in the old.

      acknowledging faults, connecting reader

    8. Now technology gives us the chance to take the next big step — to build one great human community


    9. We began as bands of hunter gatherers. But one day we came out of the plains of Africa to make the world our own. Our communities have never stopped growing in size and complexity.

      connect reader

    10. The history of humanity is a story of people coming together in new and different ways

      attention getter, connect reader

    11. So this is how the internet is uniting the world — in thought, action and institutions


    12. The institutions of the planetary community undoubtedly remains its weakest aspect

      acknowledging opposition against main point

    13. ut these movements are organized, and they endure. And that makes all the difference.

      sub-claim, connect reader

    14. barely more than highly organized movements. But these movements are organized

      comes off redundant

    15. And some of the most powerful institutions of global collaboration are built on the power of the crowd — with weak hierarchies and emphasis on individuals choosing how to contribute to shared missions. Wikipedia or Ushahidi, the crowd-mapping and reporting tool, are perfect examples.

      connecting reader, sub-claim

    16. Where multinational corporations once defined global trade and enterprise, the internet has enabled a new class of ‘micro multinationals’ — small, highly dispersed teams of skilled individuals working across borders to build products and companies

      sub-claim, evidence (sourced)

    17. ke Avaaz, Amnesty International and Global Citizen have

      evidence, sourced (sources are credible and are easily seen as credible)

    18. The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank.<img class="progressiveMedia-noscript js-progressiveMedia-inner" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/1*AezeNHPJR50wa5LAVVhltA.jpeg">Concept for the International Flag of Planet Earth. This ain’t happening anytime soon.But these are the wrong things to look for. The institutions of the future bear little resemblance to the past, because we are dealing with a new form of human community.

      This is a poor opening for a thesis. It is confusing, especially first read. "Okay, cool, internet = no president, Parliament, army, or bank, but don't look for those? Why would I look for those? You brought it up, I wouldn't have even really thought of that. What does that have to do with institutions? Why did we just go from internet to institution?? What's going on??"

      If "The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank. But these are the wrong things to look for." is going to be explained later on, then it needs to go after whatever point he is making about the "new form of human community."

      It is just thrown in. If I did this in middle school, I would be told to move it or delete it. Reading ahead, I do not even see where it would be explained before the next "chapter." The point I think he is trying to make is that we should be looking at the institutions as those that run them, but if that is really the case he needs to just rearrange this section and reword those two sentences.

    19. The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank

      sub-claim, connect reader

    20. They help articulate and defend global interests with a greater voice than any individual or one-off moment.

      debatable opinion

    21. Institutions are instruments for long-term change

      what kind of institutions? could be viewed as both organization or law/practice

      even though the title for this section is stated, it should be restated for the purposes of clarifying

    22. For change to endure, action must assume a stronger and more permanent form

      sub-claim, attention getter

    23. Certainly, many of these acts of change are momentary. After a brief surge, movements disintegrate. The internet’s attention moves on.

      This is one of the best things that the author has stated. Gives the author some credibility, because he is acknowledging something negative/opposing to his main point

    24. And even if other causes attract less attention, fundraising and awareness campaigns for global issues from climate change to Ebola all depend on the internet

      very debatable opinion

      counter argument could use this

      • why not media? why not introduce them in schools? why does all fundraising and awareness solely depend on the internet?
    25. And for every effective campaign, the internet is now an essential part of the strategy


      debatable opinion

    26. n 2008, a 33 year-old engineer called Oscar Morales created a Facebook page, One Million Voices Against FARC, to protest against the Colombian terrorist group. Over the next month, hundreds of thousands of people from around the world Liked his page and joined his movement. And in February 2008, millions of people marched in more than 100 cities worldwide to demand that FARC come to the negotiation table. They did

      connect reader, evidence

    27. They did.

      this is informal stop

    28. Liked

      shouldn't be capitalized, use quotes

    29. for refugees and fighting intolerance against them.The internet has also shown its ability to demand dramatic political change.

      poor transition

    30. As politicians admitted, it was this single image — amidst a vast humanitarian crisis — that pushed governments to act. And the internet itself mobilized using hashtags such as #refugeeswelcome and #refugeecrisis, raising funds for refugees and fighting intolerance against them.

      sub-claim, evidence is sourced

    31. This summer, the tragic image of a drowned Syrian boy mobilized the internet to demand action on the refugee crisis.

      connect reader

      sub-claim, it is a more serious topic and it is supporting a main point

    32. All these individual acts of compassion are changing people’s lives. But the internet also drives action for much larger causes.


    33. The extraordinary story of Abdul, the Syrian refugee, is repeated almost daily thanks to online communities. In July, donations poured in for a Filipino schoolboy pictured doing his homework on the streets. A crying Greek pensioner, unable to withdraw money during the debt crisis, was sponsored by a generous Australian. A New York bus monitor received more than $700,000 from 30,000 people in 84 countries after a YouTube video showed her being bullied

      evidence, sourced

      ***are the sources really credible? Many are just pictures or news articles. If the sources are not credible, then it can make the article less/not credible

    34. The extraordinary story of Abdul, the Syrian refugee, is repeated almost daily thanks to online communities.

      connecting sub-claims and evidence

    35. And far from simply generating empathy, the internet is mobilizing action.There are countless examples, large and small, of what this looks like.

      These need to be placed beside each other. Having both of these sentences separated from one another loosens the meaning both are trying to convey, because when you are reading and something is "returned"/a new paragraph, you are going to mentally put a pause/break in between. Putting in that break is going to make us subconsciously prepare us for a topic change.

    36. There are no more faraway countries.


      connect reader

    37. Where mass movements once stood for local or national interests, now online communities are moved by global interests far beyond people’s immediate lives and communities.

      needs revision

      connecting reader

      ***the longer I read this, the grumpier I get. I already had decided the author was not credible with the first conjunction thing, but it progressively got worse. I have been reading sections to my cousin and she's making the same "ew" faces that I am making.

    38. ound. But th

      This is literally making me upset.

      I understand that it is acceptable and is not incorrect to start a sentence with a conjunction, but this is just ugly. Yes, they are two clauses and it is broken up properly. If you are going to start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction you need to make sure that whatever you are writing is not going to sound all cut-up, choppy, ugly, and please, for the love of Whoever, do not do it in a formal essay/article/whatever. I keep seeing this all throughout the article and his credibility keeps dropping every single time. I have been trying not to highlight every single one (this is the last time I am going to point it out), but it is driving me nuts!

    39. This summer, hundreds of thousands of Europeans demanded action on the #refugeecrisis. For Pride Month in June, more than 26 million people changed their Facebook profile pictures to support the LGBT community.

      connect reader, evidence, has source links

    40. And the internet is shaping culture.


    41. At moments of crisis, the internet erupts in solidarity — at moments of joy, in celebration.

      confusing, in crisis the internet unites in celebration?

      needs rewording, supposed to connect reader

    42. A century ago, Britain and France were lobbing shells at German soldiers on the frontlines of Europe. Today, online friendship networks tie together millions of Brits, French and Germans, and countless other peoples with historical enmity.

      Poor paragraph, needs revising

      done correctly will effectively connect reader

    43. w.


      Where is the editor??

    44. g. B


    45. But here’s what we know.

      Please just delete this sentence, so much wrong

    46. Prague is not so distant now.

      If the first time Prague is mentioned, then this is a good "gottem" moment. Before, it provided information that showed how people thought in the past and how that situation has evolved. Transitions/wording just need to be better

    47. ith more than 80 million photos shared daily

      no sources, not credible

    48. With Facebook and Twitter, you can build friendships and relationships that cross borders, and share news and information from anywhere. With Instagram, you have a real-time window on the world,

      connecting to reader

    49. First, the internet is changing the way the world thinks.In 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain famously declared German aggression towards Czechoslovakia as “a quarrel in a faraway country between people of whom we know nothing.”Prague is less than 800 miles from London.Today, planetary scale internet services allow us to connect with people everywhere to a degree never previously possible.

      Weird transition, awkward to read first time. Needs to be more "flow-y" so to speak

    50. Prague is less than 800 miles from London.

      first read viewed as useless information

      The sentence needs more information or to be beside something, because alone it is irrelevant.

    51. Global empathy leads to global interests

      connecting to reader

    52. Planetary thinking

      main point

    53. And as the international community descends into chaos, a rising planetary community is changing lives and communities everywhere — and bringing the world together

      connecting to reader, sub-claim

    54. As the internet drives social and economic progress, it strengthens the middle class in all nations and brings them into a global middle class, connected by shared tools and knowledge.

      assumption, debatable

      no sources and since this is a topic that should have a citation to show how it drives, strengthens, and brings, and connects, not credible

    55. This is how the internet creates the foundation for a more united world.

      sub-claim, attention getter

    56. But the internet isn’t just serving the existing middle class — it’s expanding it. Research by Deloitte also finds that if more people were connected in developing countries, 160 million people could escape poverty, 140 million new jobs be created and 600 million children receive education.

      finally a decent source

    57. Throughout history, the middle class has been the greatest driver of social, economic and political change. The middle classes are opposed to the inequitable concentration of power and resources, against violence, and supporters of civil liberties and the rule of law.

      debatable, assumption

    58. Certainly, the international community has never seemed more divided since the Cold War.

      more connecting reader, debatable opinion

    59. How does a post or a Like stack up against the armies of ISIS, or a column of Russian tanks?

      connecting to the reader, using current issues to trigger emotions

      this can also be used for a counter argument against this article

    60. The internet is uniting the world. And it’s going to change all our lives

      main claim/thesis

      blunt statement of what the article is going to be about

    61. one example of a much larger global shift taking place today.

      debatable opinion (can be used by another for an arguement), good example for connecting to the reader

    62. as big as the global population in 1960. It crosses every border and culture


    63. On August 25, a Syrian refugee was photographed selling pens on the streets of Beirut, clutching his sleeping daughter.

      attention getter, connecting with the reader

      Using a sentence like this will trigger emotion in most people and will also draw in the reader. It is interesting and the media under also helps connect the reader emotionally.

    64. internet creates the foundation for a more united world

      captures attention of reader

    65. As the internet drives social and economic progress, it strengthens the middle class in all nations and brings them into a global middle class, connected by shared tools and knowledge. And as the international community descends into chaos, a rising planetary community is changing lives and communities everywhere — and bringing the world together

      thesis/main claim

    66. Around 1.5 billion people use Facebook, more than a billion people use Google and 900 million people use WhatsApp.

      No source for statistics, not credible