A more united Earth
Is this "chapter" the end? If so, this is a poor conclusion. It goes on like a main point until the last two paragraphs. The last paragraph would make a good ending to the article, but there should be a conclusion either added before or right in front of it. Another option is to leave that "chapter" ended and begin a new one for the conclusion.
Everyone connected is part of the next chapter in the story of humanity. All of us have a chance to write it together. A united Earth is coming.
Good ending sentence, connect reader
Everyone connected is part of the next chapter in the story of humanity
ugly
Point understood, but it sounds awful, needs rewording
The problems of every nation shall be our problems — but so will the opportunities and solutions that we can all build together. Every leader, movement, business and organization has a chance to harness the power of this planetary community to move the entire world forward.
sub-claim, connect reader
But for the very first time in history, instead of listening to leaders speak on behalf of the world, the world shall speak for itself.
Reword he beginning and then this good statement will become a great statement
Change creates new tensions and problems in society, which must be carefully managed — or progress can be easily reversed
Very good point, debatable
This will not be a utopian future. As millions of people begin to work together to advance a new world, many more will remain mired in the old.
acknowledging faults, connecting reader
Now technology gives us the chance to take the next big step — to build one great human community
sub-claim
We began as bands of hunter gatherers. But one day we came out of the plains of Africa to make the world our own. Our communities have never stopped growing in size and complexity.
connect reader
The history of humanity is a story of people coming together in new and different ways
attention getter, connect reader
So this is how the internet is uniting the world — in thought, action and institutions
thesis
The institutions of the planetary community undoubtedly remains its weakest aspect
acknowledging opposition against main point
ut these movements are organized, and they endure. And that makes all the difference.
sub-claim, connect reader
barely more than highly organized movements. But these movements are organized
comes off redundant
And some of the most powerful institutions of global collaboration are built on the power of the crowd — with weak hierarchies and emphasis on individuals choosing how to contribute to shared missions. Wikipedia or Ushahidi, the crowd-mapping and reporting tool, are perfect examples.
connecting reader, sub-claim
Where multinational corporations once defined global trade and enterprise, the internet has enabled a new class of ‘micro multinationals’ — small, highly dispersed teams of skilled individuals working across borders to build products and companies
sub-claim, evidence (sourced)
ke Avaaz, Amnesty International and Global Citizen have
evidence, sourced (sources are credible and are easily seen as credible)
The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank.<img class="progressiveMedia-noscript js-progressiveMedia-inner" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/1*AezeNHPJR50wa5LAVVhltA.jpeg">Concept for the International Flag of Planet Earth. This ain’t happening anytime soon.But these are the wrong things to look for. The institutions of the future bear little resemblance to the past, because we are dealing with a new form of human community.
This is a poor opening for a thesis. It is confusing, especially first read. "Okay, cool, internet = no president, Parliament, army, or bank, but don't look for those? Why would I look for those? You brought it up, I wouldn't have even really thought of that. What does that have to do with institutions? Why did we just go from internet to institution?? What's going on??"
If "The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank. But these are the wrong things to look for." is going to be explained later on, then it needs to go after whatever point he is making about the "new form of human community."
It is just thrown in. If I did this in middle school, I would be told to move it or delete it. Reading ahead, I do not even see where it would be explained before the next "chapter." The point I think he is trying to make is that we should be looking at the institutions as those that run them, but if that is really the case he needs to just rearrange this section and reword those two sentences.
The internet has no president or parliament. It has no armies or central bank
sub-claim, connect reader
They help articulate and defend global interests with a greater voice than any individual or one-off moment.
debatable opinion
Institutions are instruments for long-term change
what kind of institutions? could be viewed as both organization or law/practice
even though the title for this section is stated, it should be restated for the purposes of clarifying
For change to endure, action must assume a stronger and more permanent form
sub-claim, attention getter
Certainly, many of these acts of change are momentary. After a brief surge, movements disintegrate. The internet’s attention moves on.
This is one of the best things that the author has stated. Gives the author some credibility, because he is acknowledging something negative/opposing to his main point
And even if other causes attract less attention, fundraising and awareness campaigns for global issues from climate change to Ebola all depend on the internet
very debatable opinion
counter argument could use this
And for every effective campaign, the internet is now an essential part of the strategy
sub-claim
debatable opinion
n 2008, a 33 year-old engineer called Oscar Morales created a Facebook page, One Million Voices Against FARC, to protest against the Colombian terrorist group. Over the next month, hundreds of thousands of people from around the world Liked his page and joined his movement. And in February 2008, millions of people marched in more than 100 cities worldwide to demand that FARC come to the negotiation table. They did
connect reader, evidence
They did.
this is informal stop
Liked
shouldn't be capitalized, use quotes
for refugees and fighting intolerance against them.The internet has also shown its ability to demand dramatic political change.
poor transition
As politicians admitted, it was this single image — amidst a vast humanitarian crisis — that pushed governments to act. And the internet itself mobilized using hashtags such as #refugeeswelcome and #refugeecrisis, raising funds for refugees and fighting intolerance against them.
sub-claim, evidence is sourced
This summer, the tragic image of a drowned Syrian boy mobilized the internet to demand action on the refugee crisis.
connect reader
sub-claim, it is a more serious topic and it is supporting a main point
All these individual acts of compassion are changing people’s lives. But the internet also drives action for much larger causes.
sub-claim
The extraordinary story of Abdul, the Syrian refugee, is repeated almost daily thanks to online communities. In July, donations poured in for a Filipino schoolboy pictured doing his homework on the streets. A crying Greek pensioner, unable to withdraw money during the debt crisis, was sponsored by a generous Australian. A New York bus monitor received more than $700,000 from 30,000 people in 84 countries after a YouTube video showed her being bullied
evidence, sourced
***are the sources really credible? Many are just pictures or news articles. If the sources are not credible, then it can make the article less/not credible
The extraordinary story of Abdul, the Syrian refugee, is repeated almost daily thanks to online communities.
connecting sub-claims and evidence
And far from simply generating empathy, the internet is mobilizing action.There are countless examples, large and small, of what this looks like.
These need to be placed beside each other. Having both of these sentences separated from one another loosens the meaning both are trying to convey, because when you are reading and something is "returned"/a new paragraph, you are going to mentally put a pause/break in between. Putting in that break is going to make us subconsciously prepare us for a topic change.
There are no more faraway countries.
sub-claim
connect reader
Where mass movements once stood for local or national interests, now online communities are moved by global interests far beyond people’s immediate lives and communities.
needs revision
connecting reader
***the longer I read this, the grumpier I get. I already had decided the author was not credible with the first conjunction thing, but it progressively got worse. I have been reading sections to my cousin and she's making the same "ew" faces that I am making.
ound. But th
This is literally making me upset.
I understand that it is acceptable and is not incorrect to start a sentence with a conjunction, but this is just ugly. Yes, they are two clauses and it is broken up properly. If you are going to start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction you need to make sure that whatever you are writing is not going to sound all cut-up, choppy, ugly, and please, for the love of Whoever, do not do it in a formal essay/article/whatever. I keep seeing this all throughout the article and his credibility keeps dropping every single time. I have been trying not to highlight every single one (this is the last time I am going to point it out), but it is driving me nuts!
This summer, hundreds of thousands of Europeans demanded action on the #refugeecrisis. For Pride Month in June, more than 26 million people changed their Facebook profile pictures to support the LGBT community.
connect reader, evidence, has source links
And the internet is shaping culture.
sub-claim
At moments of crisis, the internet erupts in solidarity — at moments of joy, in celebration.
confusing, in crisis the internet unites in celebration?
needs rewording, supposed to connect reader
A century ago, Britain and France were lobbing shells at German soldiers on the frontlines of Europe. Today, online friendship networks tie together millions of Brits, French and Germans, and countless other peoples with historical enmity.
Poor paragraph, needs revising
done correctly will effectively connect reader
w.
Colon???
Where is the editor??
g. B
WHHHYYYY
But here’s what we know.
Please just delete this sentence, so much wrong
Prague is not so distant now.
If the first time Prague is mentioned, then this is a good "gottem" moment. Before, it provided information that showed how people thought in the past and how that situation has evolved. Transitions/wording just need to be better
ith more than 80 million photos shared daily
no sources, not credible
With Facebook and Twitter, you can build friendships and relationships that cross borders, and share news and information from anywhere. With Instagram, you have a real-time window on the world,
connecting to reader
First, the internet is changing the way the world thinks.In 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain famously declared German aggression towards Czechoslovakia as “a quarrel in a faraway country between people of whom we know nothing.”Prague is less than 800 miles from London.Today, planetary scale internet services allow us to connect with people everywhere to a degree never previously possible.
Weird transition, awkward to read first time. Needs to be more "flow-y" so to speak
Prague is less than 800 miles from London.
first read viewed as useless information
The sentence needs more information or to be beside something, because alone it is irrelevant.
Global empathy leads to global interests
connecting to reader
Planetary thinking
main point
And as the international community descends into chaos, a rising planetary community is changing lives and communities everywhere — and bringing the world together
connecting to reader, sub-claim
As the internet drives social and economic progress, it strengthens the middle class in all nations and brings them into a global middle class, connected by shared tools and knowledge.
assumption, debatable
no sources and since this is a topic that should have a citation to show how it drives, strengthens, and brings, and connects, not credible
This is how the internet creates the foundation for a more united world.
sub-claim, attention getter
But the internet isn’t just serving the existing middle class — it’s expanding it. Research by Deloitte also finds that if more people were connected in developing countries, 160 million people could escape poverty, 140 million new jobs be created and 600 million children receive education.
finally a decent source
Throughout history, the middle class has been the greatest driver of social, economic and political change. The middle classes are opposed to the inequitable concentration of power and resources, against violence, and supporters of civil liberties and the rule of law.
debatable, assumption
Certainly, the international community has never seemed more divided since the Cold War.
more connecting reader, debatable opinion
How does a post or a Like stack up against the armies of ISIS, or a column of Russian tanks?
connecting to the reader, using current issues to trigger emotions
this can also be used for a counter argument against this article
The internet is uniting the world. And it’s going to change all our lives
main claim/thesis
blunt statement of what the article is going to be about
one example of a much larger global shift taking place today.
debatable opinion (can be used by another for an arguement), good example for connecting to the reader
as big as the global population in 1960. It crosses every border and culture
sub-claim
On August 25, a Syrian refugee was photographed selling pens on the streets of Beirut, clutching his sleeping daughter.
attention getter, connecting with the reader
Using a sentence like this will trigger emotion in most people and will also draw in the reader. It is interesting and the media under also helps connect the reader emotionally.
internet creates the foundation for a more united world
captures attention of reader
As the internet drives social and economic progress, it strengthens the middle class in all nations and brings them into a global middle class, connected by shared tools and knowledge. And as the international community descends into chaos, a rising planetary community is changing lives and communities everywhere — and bringing the world together
thesis/main claim
Around 1.5 billion people use Facebook, more than a billion people use Google and 900 million people use WhatsApp.
No source for statistics, not credible
© Autonomous Nonprofit Organization “TV-Novosti”, 2005–2015. All rights reserved.
This says this is the organization. A Google search suggests it may be a Russian publication. Need to investigate org more.
World faces 'insurmountable' water crisis by 2040 – report
I see no author in the report.