I am in it and what I have learned so far is that it is really easy to pick up the phone and order Chinese food delivery right to your room. Dangerously addicting, but so good. I’ve also learned that it is extremely hard to get motivation to go to the gym . . . You win some, and you lose some.
Ok, I totally LOVE the opening, but you seem to lose the thread of the nerves in this section a bit. Seems kind of disconnected?
Twenty-four hours; seven days a week.
These are both fragments, but I still like them, and I wouldn't change it.
you wouldn’t ever want to take back.
Ok so we have to get the ePort set up properly, so I can comment... But this is a solid essay! Lots of stuff has to be cleaned up, and I would like to see a cc-licensed image or two in here to give the post some visual appeal. But the writing is heartfelt and engaging, and I loved reading this!
Of course time plays tricks on you and when you want your time to move fast it slows down and when you want time to slow down it speeds up.
Love this!
were alright some acceptances while I wasn’t so lucky on others
I don't know if this is a run-on but it sure feels like a messy sentence!
Is my cat going to miss me?
Love this.
processors
is this the word you want?
Plymouth, the
cs
mine being Environmental Science and Policy.
fragment (semi colon error)
with it
Fused sentence (FS)
me, being
cs
you, some
cs
nother
not a word. as far as I know. :)
offer, I
comma splice (cs)
the town from the back of a bottle of Hidden Valley salad dressing.
love this!
Driving here with my father the first day with my college dorm survival gear packed high in the back of our family car.
fragment
when you started.
So again, there is no comment box here because you are making a page rather than a post. So I will use Hypothes.is to say that this really needs a lot of work. I would start by making an outline. Try to aim for three paragraphs, with each paragraph having a topic sentence, and focusing each one on ONE main idea that you develop. Write that outline before you start writing. As a second step, we can work on all of the grammar clean-up. And a third step will be to add hotlinks and images. Please make an appointment so we can work on some of this together and get you hooked up with a writing center plan for the semester.
ad
hand
definitely
parents, when
Comma Splice (CS)
long wrong
long run?
there
"there" is a place "their" is possessive (like their life)
This error recurs in the essay, but I won't mark them all.
defiantly
definitely
Like never really knowing what the weather is going to be like from day to day, and some students as you will find they come here specifically for the snow and mountains.
Confusing sentence...
saying something like the weather can change your stress level
Did the article say this? If so, refer to that directly. It's a bit confusing as is.
a larger group of college students
I am not sure what this means...
“Stress in College Students”
Hyperlink to the article!
freindships
spelling
existent.
kind of awkward?
Lets
spelling
There are so many different emotions that come along with this transistion and it is extremely hard to cope with all of them.
A beautiful paragraph.
defintely
we've got to find a way to spell check for you! Let's experiment, since you don't want these errors in your public posts.
“Stress in College Students”
Hyperlink this.
transisitions
spelling
To find a career.
fragment
my argument is why are college kids stressed
maybe your argument is ABOUT why college students are stressed? I don't think an argument can be WHY they are stressed. Just a grammar note...
Which is fine
fragment
counseling center
Again, could link?
But, I speak for myself
Maybe important to indicate that you are white, since readers won't know?
Stress in College Students
Add hyperlink.
Captions are your friend!
The University of Georgia’s health center link via the website
Just hyperlink this! You will need fewer words! :)
thing. I
Skipping lines between paragraphs will make this look way better!
its
spelling
there
see last note
there
their = possessive there= a place
wont
spelling
Photo shop
maybe hyperlink to an article about how many models are photoshopped?
to
too
Its
Its = possessive (like its tooth was hurting)
it's = it is
suppose
supposed
belong
belongs?
us it
Fused Sentence (FS)
Climbers should be conscience of their surrounding environment
This seemed to come out of nowhere. I wonder if a better intro could help this essay, predicting better what paragraphs are coming...
Whether it be to find ourselves and to answer unknown questions, or simply to have fun and fulfill the basic needs of living.
Fragment
gathers
Is that the word you want?
Consequently, due to charter schools, the populations of public schools and student funding is decreasing.
A good point if it is true! Cite your source!
Comparatively public schools have somewhere around 20-25 kids in a classroom where charters have less than 20 students.
Cite your source for this. It seems odd, since I imagine the numbers vary so widely from district to district, state to state.
send.
These images below need captions with the citation info.
concluded
A link to the report here would help!
other than his own physique.
Do you need this? Sounds a bit awkward maybe?
hooting death of Mike Brown.
Link to the story?
An African American man who was involved in a robbery as well as a physical altercation with a Police Officer.
Fragment (no verb)
dancers came out
Link to the video? Or embed it here?
an anti-white group
Of course, this is very controversial. I am not opposed to you using this, but make sure you mean to be this provocative, since clearly the BP's would not have called themselves "anti-white" at all. If you want to make this claim about them, you'd probably need to back it up more, since it's not something everyone agrees on.
Those outfits replicating
This sentence is a fragment because there is no predicate (or verb). You could change to "those outfits replicate" or "replicated" to add a verb and correct this.
Beyonce
Do what you gotta do to learn how to add the accent mark to the e: é
or performed?
smile!
Add a caption with the license info for the image!
toys, every
Comma Splice (CS)
(hopefully not for long).
ha ha! Made me laugh!
the ladies were a little revealing
maybe their clothes were revealing?
when I looked a little less me?I let the question go and moved
Skipping a line between paragraphs will make this look way better, I think.
The "new" definition of beauty
When you post links on the spreadsheet, make sure they are the links to the specific posts, not just to your blog in general (I fixed them this time, but they were not correct).
white on black crimes
Are they protesting white on black crime, or talking specifically about police brutality targeted against blacks?
By
No capital letter needed when following a semi-colon.
Todays
possessive
peoples
possessive (the rights belong to the people)
possessive (the rights belong to the people)
to shut it down.
fragment (semi-colon error)
The short deadlines that you have to meet for that eight page paper due in two weeks. The sleepless nights spent studying and cramming for that huge exam the next morning. The amount of times you have a mental breakdown and want to give up because you just can’t do it anymore.
These are fragments, but I kind of like them like this!
that you aren’t completely the same,
awkward?
start you
FS
completely, you
cs
a need to be
a little unclear
popular”, what’s
cs
CS
CS
friends I
Fused Sentence (FS)
different, they
CS
cliche, everyone
Comma Splice (cs)
a long
One word
We hurt others because we do not love ourselves.
Wait...are the fuckboys depressed and therefore unable to love back? Or are the women that the fuckboys don't love depressed, and that is ultimately why they can't be loved? Maybe needs a bit of clarifying to relate back to the thesis here...
At first I did not know
I think your font changed halfway through...
Or has it gone too far? It is 2016.
I think skipping a line between each paragraph will make this look way better....
schools
need a possessive here.
legalizing marijuana.
Add a cc-licensed image to the post.
the better.
This is a good start, but could use some attention for sure:
1) Since this isn't a post, there are no comments available here, which is a problem. Make sure we get this fixed. You will probably need to come see me.
2) You need to cite your sources by hyperlinking key information or by adding in-text citation (at the end of the sentence with the information, you cite the source).
3) Develop the piece a bit more by splitting it into 4 or 5 paragraphs, each with a topic sentence focused on the one main idea that the paragraph covers.
There are also some small grammar errors. Reading out loud might help you hear some of those...
Remember that if you revise, you need to follow the revision guidelines on the Policies/Info site of our Syllabus. Email me with any questions!
Instead of
Does the sentence sound better if you get rid of "Instead of?"
States waste 3,613,969,972 dollars enforcing marijuana laws
WHAT?? That number seems way too big. Cite a source! Not enough to have links randomly listed at the end of the essay.
In 2010 every 37 seconds there was another pot bust.
Info like this needs to be cited or hyperlinked.
in a recent video i watched
In addition to the capitalization issue, I wish you hyperlinked to the video here.
it talks about the drug policy alliance talks about
Read this out loud. Can you hear the multiple "talks abouts"?
In an article about legalizing marijuana
Add a hyperlink here!
there are store
Read this out loud. Can you hear the error?
Legalize it.
This is a page, not a post. You need to create new posts, not pages. Your site is not set up right. Come see me if you need help!
environmental system thinking
Not sure what this is.
As of now by the next 60 years the whole state of the Florida will be covered by water
Cite sources for specific info by adding hyperlinks or citations.
Not sure what "acord" is or what this means, exactly.
Life Before College!
Can you add an image to this post? So much about family and friends, seems strange not to have a picture of some kind?
You don't have comments enabled so I can't comment. That should get fixed when you start correctly posting blog posts rather than pages. This piece has a lot of problems, Laura, but lots of promise, too! The biggest issue is organization. It's like a stream of consciousness ramble about your life. It needs a much stronger structure, and the best way to fix that is by making an outline of your paragraphs. For example:
1) How my parents shaped me into who I am 2) How my siblings became my first friends 3) How sports made me who I am 4) How trips with friends shaped me 5) How risk-taking shapes me 6) conclusion about how all of these things form you into you.
Each paragraph just needs one well-developed example. This piece needs lots more focus and tightening up, and topic sentences on paragraphs that only focus on one idea will help.
The other main issue here is grammar, particularly Run-ons. Keep working on that so we can get it fixed this semester! Remember that if you revise, you will need to follow the revision guidelines on the Policies/Info section of the syllabus. Email me anytime with questions!
Previous summers before I graduated I would go to a lot of basketball camps and games so that I could improve my skill level.
How does this relate to sky diving? Why are they together in this paragraph?
just figured that they were looking for another car like Blaze’s
What is the point of this story? What are we supposed to learn about you and your friends from it? I am not quite sure...
are
our
s you can see sports have always been a big part of my life.
Take a look at the topic sentence for this paragraph. Does it match the final sentence here?
play
Should this be past tense? You PLAYED it in middle school?
grade, softball
Comma Splice (CS)
siblings
the events belong to your siblings, so it should be possessive.
brothers
capitalize?
kids their
FS
verything that I say or well said
Not sure what this means...
Pistache.
How about adding hyperlinks to the hotel and the restaurant?
Florida he
FS (Fused sentence)
that would makes me
Read out loud. Can you hear the error?
there
there = a place their = something they possess
Read this out loud slowly and you should hear the errors. Let me know if you don't.
CC by:
Usually we write CC BY
Psychology? Maybe… How about Social Work? No, that’s not it. Elementary Education!
Love this! Cute opening!
was
were
associates degree
Associate's Degree
Spelling error
Fragment (semi-colon error).
es, you’re right, it’s going to be hard.
cs
Comma splice.
Comma splices...
Everyone has options, it doesn’t matter who you are, there is always another way.
More comma splices?
In highschool he could have gotten a part time job, he could have sold his old clothes in order to get new ones, he had options.
Comma splices, yes?
“A Man Interviewed From Prison Has A Message About Good Vs Bad That Everyone Should Read”
If this is online, you should hyperlink it.
persuation
Spelling error
See if you can "add a caption" to the picture instead of doing this. Also, see if you can click on the picture and change the settings so the text wraps around the image. It will look WAY better. See me for help with this!
For my family personally
I think this is great, and I would consider developing by adding a paragraph about what you personally think about all of this. This is a nice summary of where the numbers are pointing, but it feels like it's missing some anecdotal stories from actual people talking about why cable isn't meeting their needs. Maybe start with a little story, or expand this part about your own family to make it more engaging?
Put titles of stuff in italics (or underline them).
Label this "Assignment" so everyone knows that's what it is. You are also missing course and assignment objectives on here.
Title your post so that it relates to what you actually focus on in your piece.
they are largely treated like a cog as part of a machine
Yes, I think it is on teachers to find ways to transform the structures of school so that learners are directing their studies and contributing to knowledge, not just memorizing, jumping through hoops, etc... Curious to see if any of my students read this, and what they think...
We have divorced school from learning,
I actually agree with this. So much focus on grades, so little on the bigger questions of what students need/want to learn and why...
This is when I tell them they won’t learn anything. They acknowledge this reality, but are willing to shrug it off for all the above reasons.
So curious about this. In #opencomp right now, I can imagine students taking this deal, but I also see that they can find work worthwhile if they have a hand in designing it.
So excited about how this mutual inspiration is working, since I can't wait to have time to really absorb this post so I can figure out what I need to do with a new anthology I am building for Interdisciplinary Studies. Would love to have Hypothes.is built in!! So exciting!
You are all completely spoiling me for every other customer service experience.
Also published on Medium.
Why? Ha ha.
messy
This is such an important word. It's about the fact that beginners build lopsided houses rather than perfect architectural masterpieces, yes. But it's also about thinking about the web as a workshop more than as a showcase. This is all about moving knowledge from the static to the dynamic, and something that will change is always something inherently (and productively) flawed. I think scholars need to model that the web can be a space for collaboration and failing forward, since we can't expect our students to work in imperfect ways and then only share our most gleaming and polished products...
If one cannot understand the organizing principles of a built environment, one cannot contribute to the building.
So important for those us working on ePortfolio initiatives. Do we provide a slick product for students to use... Or should we be asking them to build their own ePorts? (I am sure you know where I lean...ha ha...)
recursive
I keep coming back to this word. (Ha ha....I made a pun.) But seriously, it seems so very helpful to think of learning this way. LOVE it!
Unfortunately, most of higher education has overlooked, ignored, or flatly denied this crucial turning point
Yes, I am finding this to be true as my university commits itself to an interdisciplinary model centered on engaged and experiential learning. So much potential in thinking about networked learning, but it's very hard to guide the conversation in that direction. Not sure why, except that the EdTech industry may be somewhat to blame for the way its undertheorized the role that pedagogy plays in the incorporation of technology into education.
every instance of the word academy is literally an accident.
We are TOTALLY going to talk about this project in class. Make sure you understand what he did, and then be prepared to tell us what you think about it. Because it is AWESOME and DISTURBING to me in so many ways!
performance and deform
I wonder if we can work Butler in here, thinking about how she imagines gender as a performance?
A scratchy recording of the Norwegian national anthem blares out from a loudspeaker at the Sailor's Home on the bluff above the channel. The container ship being greeted flies a Bahamian flag of convenience. It was built by Koreans working long hours in the giant shipyards of Ulsan. The underpaid and the understaffed crew could be Salvado- rean or Filipino. Only the Captain hears a familiar melody.
Here's the quote from the class handout.
This is where you can stop reading, folks in my class.
longitudinal semiotic analysis
In our terms, we might say diachronic, no?
If we could live with, even embrace, the profound indeterminacy of culture and transformation and knowledge, if we could build ecosystems and be rhizomes, I think we’d be more consistent with the indeterminacy and unpredictability of the world that we hope to serve.
I am having this tattooed on my arm.
Stop framing, stop managing.
Relevant to the discussion about the pros and cons of the "Learning Management System."
Let them change.
This is also why I love being a part of Interdisciplinary Studies. I feel like "as a field," we understand that fields are dynamic, growing, shifting, and we celebrate that and use it to improve our scholarship, not threaten it.
The only thing you don’t love is the one who is trying to keep everyone else from their thing
I think this is about building an open system, and only closing off that which is itself closed off...
What if we saw it as an entitlement, a comfort, a richness and saw ourselves not as the people protected from harm but as those who are obliged to set the table as extravagantly as we could?
This is so much a reason why I am invested in open pedagogy, in public universities... love this.
I would say of any specific social or political institution: nothing with a mission or a purpose should be judged success or failure on whether it is a precise microcosm of society as a whole. You make institutions to be a part, a piece, that the whole cannot be or isn’t already.
Nice!
because you are going to get precisely jackshit nowhere in moving people to where you think they ought to be if you permit yourself the indulgence of thinking some people are things who can be dogwhistled wherever you want them to be.
Note to self.
the terms persuasion and dialogue are, if you’ll excuse the irony for a moment, a better frame for what a critical humanist intellectual, or maybe just a critically aware human being, might want to be and do in relation with others.
Shifting from framing to a dialogic.
But the worst problem with believing that any politics, intellectual or otherwise, is a matter of framing is ultimately the way that it encodes the framer as an agent and the framed as a thing.
That is powerful.
Humanistic-critique-as-mastery-over-framing wants the legitimacy and influence of academic institutions without accepting the histories and readings that produce that legitimacy.
Yes.
The ringmaster forgot to flick his whip to get the clowns to caper when they were supposed to.
Ouch? But maybe yes?
what logic would entice disciplines to hire intellectuals rather than scholars?
Good question. First, how would we explain the difference between the two in clear language, and second, what benefits would be gained by enticing the disciplines in this way, and third, what effect would this have on disciplinarity, and fourth, what logic would entice disciplines...
What if the deeply humanistic and progressive intellectuals who really make powerful or influential moves on the chessboard are not, cannot be, in the academy, whether by design or a “happening”?
Wow-- this question is exactly the one that has been on my mind lately...
the game
Interesting and loaded phrase, no?
It is in the significant silences of a text, in its gaps and absences, that the presence of ideology can be most positively felt. It is these silences which the critic must make 'speak'. The text is, as it were, ideologically forbidden to say certain things; in trying to tell the truth in his own way, for example, the author finds himself forced to reveal the limits of the ideology within which he writes. He is forced to reveal its gaps and silences, what it is unable to articulate. Because a text contains these gaps and silences, it is always incomplete.
Macherey's Theory of Silences
On the contrary, it is in the nature of the work to be incomplete, tied as it is to an ideology which silences it at certain points. (It is, if you like, complete in its incompleteness.)
What would the New Critics say about this? (You don't need to read this section, but we will discussing in class.)
Preface v
Worth reading!
3 The writer and commitment 1 8 4 The author as producer 28
Not assigned!
2 Form and content 10
This is worth reading if you have time.
1 Literature and history 1
You only need to read this!!
I find the comments of both Althusser and Macherey at crucial points ambiguous and obscure
Probably like a few of my students are currently finding YOU, Terry Eagleton.
it allows us to 'see' the nature of that ideology, and thus begins to move us towards that full understanding of ideology which is scientific knowledge.
Art helps us see ideology. I LOVE THAT.
Louis Althusser
We will read him soon. I TOTALLY HEART LOUIS ALTHUSSER! Except for the small matter of the fact that he killed his wife. Bummer on that.
It is not a matter of reducing the poem to the state of contemporary capitalism
Got it?
'vulgar Marxist'
Try to figure out what a "vulgar Marxist" is (it's not good). What kind of a reading does this kind of lame, simplistic critic do?
Literature may be part of the superstructure, but it is not merely the passive reflection of the economic base.
I love this.
So glad that you all found this key sentence!
'sociology of literature'.
be prepared to explain what this is and why Eagleton thinks this is a lame kind of Marxist criticism...
There is nothing academic about those struggles, and we forget this at our cost.
I like this-- powerful....
Thomas Granger
The one thing you will remember from this course when you are 95 years old.
as it is with waters when their streames are stopped or dam̅ed up
Love this idea so much....
Athisme.
Atheism. Just checking that you got that. :)
Mr. Morton,
We will be reading him soon. He will be your very favorite. :)
hat they should set corne every man for his owne perticuler
The end of the common course and condition...beginning of private property...all that good stuff...
plaine stile,
The "plain style" is a big key for Puritans... we will discuss in class...
Elite higher education in America has long been a Veblen good—a commodity that obeys few, if any, conventional laws of economic activity.
Ok, tweeps...I will get to this when I can, but I am backlogged. Hope to read it soon!
tripod
TRIPOD?! Anyone?! Anyone?!
The transactional phrasing of the reading process underlines the essential importance of both elements, reader and text, in any reading event.
Helpful summary.
use of the term '"transaction"
This is a key term for Rosenblatt.
the reader should not project ideas or attitudes that have no defensible linkage with the text.
Important, no?
I made four fires, in the form of a cross
Do you think CDV is building the symbolism of his narrative intentionally?