Ok, I totally LOVE the opening, but you seem to lose the thread of the nerves in this section a bit. Seems kind of disconnected?

These are both fragments, but I still like them, and I wouldn't change it.

Ok so we have to get the ePort set up properly, so I can comment... But this is a solid essay! Lots of stuff has to be cleaned up, and I would like to see a cc-licensed image or two in here to give the post some visual appeal. But the writing is heartfelt and engaging, and I loved reading this!

Love this!

I don't know if this is a run-on but it sure feels like a messy sentence!

Love this.

is this the word you want?

cs

fragment (semi colon error)

Fused sentence (FS)

cs

cs

not a word. as far as I know. :)

comma splice (cs)

love this!

fragment

So again, there is no comment box here because you are making a page rather than a post. So I will use Hypothes.is to say that this really needs a lot of work. I would start by making an outline. Try to aim for three paragraphs, with each paragraph having a topic sentence, and focusing each one on ONE main idea that you develop. Write that outline before you start writing. As a second step, we can work on all of the grammar clean-up. And a third step will be to add hotlinks and images. Please make an appointment so we can work on some of this together and get you hooked up with a writing center plan for the semester.

hand

definitely

Comma Splice (CS)

long run?

"there" is a place "their" is possessive (like their life)

This error recurs in the essay, but I won't mark them all.

definitely

Confusing sentence...

Did the article say this? If so, refer to that directly. It's a bit confusing as is.

I am not sure what this means...

Hyperlink to the article!

spelling

kind of awkward?

spelling

A beautiful paragraph.

we've got to find a way to spell check for you! Let's experiment, since you don't want these errors in your public posts.

Hyperlink this.

spelling

fragment

maybe your argument is ABOUT why college students are stressed? I don't think an argument can be WHY they are stressed. Just a grammar note...

fragment

Again, could link?

Maybe important to indicate that you are white, since readers won't know?

Add hyperlink.

Captions are your friend!

Just hyperlink this! You will need fewer words! :)

Skipping lines between paragraphs will make this look way better!

spelling

see last note

their = possessive there= a place

spelling

maybe hyperlink to an article about how many models are photoshopped?

too

Its = possessive (like its tooth was hurting)

it's = it is

supposed

belongs?

Fused Sentence (FS)

This seemed to come out of nowhere. I wonder if a better intro could help this essay, predicting better what paragraphs are coming...

Fragment

Is that the word you want?

A good point if it is true! Cite your source!

Cite your source for this. It seems odd, since I imagine the numbers vary so widely from district to district, state to state.

These images below need captions with the citation info.

A link to the report here would help!

Do you need this? Sounds a bit awkward maybe?

Link to the story?

Fragment (no verb)

Link to the video? Or embed it here?

Of course, this is very controversial. I am not opposed to you using this, but make sure you mean to be this provocative, since clearly the BP's would not have called themselves "anti-white" at all. If you want to make this claim about them, you'd probably need to back it up more, since it's not something everyone agrees on.

This sentence is a fragment because there is no predicate (or verb). You could change to "those outfits replicate" or "replicated" to add a verb and correct this.

Do what you gotta do to learn how to add the accent mark to the e: é

or performed?

Add a caption with the license info for the image!

Comma Splice (CS)

ha ha! Made me laugh!

maybe their clothes were revealing?

Skipping a line between paragraphs will make this look way better, I think.

When you post links on the spreadsheet, make sure they are the links to the specific posts, not just to your blog in general (I fixed them this time, but they were not correct).

Are they protesting white on black crime, or talking specifically about police brutality targeted against blacks?

No capital letter needed when following a semi-colon.

possessive

possessive (the rights belong to the people)

possessive (the rights belong to the people)

fragment (semi-colon error)

These are fragments, but I kind of like them like this!

awkward?

FS

cs

a little unclear

cs

CS

CS

Fused Sentence (FS)

CS

Comma Splice (cs)

One word

Wait...are the fuckboys depressed and therefore unable to love back? Or are the women that the fuckboys don't love depressed, and that is ultimately why they can't be loved? Maybe needs a bit of clarifying to relate back to the thesis here...

I think your font changed halfway through...

I think skipping a line between each paragraph will make this look way better....

need a possessive here.

Add a cc-licensed image to the post.

This is a good start, but could use some attention for sure:

1) Since this isn't a post, there are no comments available here, which is a problem. Make sure we get this fixed. You will probably need to come see me.

2) You need to cite your sources by hyperlinking key information or by adding in-text citation (at the end of the sentence with the information, you cite the source).

3) Develop the piece a bit more by splitting it into 4 or 5 paragraphs, each with a topic sentence focused on the one main idea that the paragraph covers.

There are also some small grammar errors. Reading out loud might help you hear some of those...

Remember that if you revise, you need to follow the revision guidelines on the Policies/Info site of our Syllabus. Email me with any questions!

Does the sentence sound better if you get rid of "Instead of?"

WHAT?? That number seems way too big. Cite a source! Not enough to have links randomly listed at the end of the essay.

Info like this needs to be cited or hyperlinked.

In addition to the capitalization issue, I wish you hyperlinked to the video here.

Read this out loud. Can you hear the multiple "talks abouts"?

Add a hyperlink here!

Read this out loud. Can you hear the error?

This is a page, not a post. You need to create new posts, not pages. Your site is not set up right. Come see me if you need help!

Not sure what this is.

Cite sources for specific info by adding hyperlinks or citations.

Not sure what "acord" is or what this means, exactly.

Can you add an image to this post? So much about family and friends, seems strange not to have a picture of some kind?

You don't have comments enabled so I can't comment. That should get fixed when you start correctly posting blog posts rather than pages. This piece has a lot of problems, Laura, but lots of promise, too! The biggest issue is organization. It's like a stream of consciousness ramble about your life. It needs a much stronger structure, and the best way to fix that is by making an outline of your paragraphs. For example:

1) How my parents shaped me into who I am 2) How my siblings became my first friends 3) How sports made me who I am 4) How trips with friends shaped me 5) How risk-taking shapes me 6) conclusion about how all of these things form you into you.

Each paragraph just needs one well-developed example. This piece needs lots more focus and tightening up, and topic sentences on paragraphs that only focus on one idea will help.

The other main issue here is grammar, particularly Run-ons. Keep working on that so we can get it fixed this semester! Remember that if you revise, you will need to follow the revision guidelines on the Policies/Info section of the syllabus. Email me anytime with questions!

How does this relate to sky diving? Why are they together in this paragraph?

What is the point of this story? What are we supposed to learn about you and your friends from it? I am not quite sure...

our

Take a look at the topic sentence for this paragraph. Does it match the final sentence here?

Should this be past tense? You PLAYED it in middle school?

Comma Splice (CS)

the events belong to your siblings, so it should be possessive.

capitalize?

FS

Not sure what this means...

How about adding hyperlinks to the hotel and the restaurant?

FS (Fused sentence)

Read out loud. Can you hear the error?

there = a place their = something they possess

Read this out loud slowly and you should hear the errors. Let me know if you don't.

Usually we write CC BY

Love this! Cute opening!

were

Associate's Degree

Spelling error

Fragment (semi-colon error).

cs

Comma splice.

Comma splices...

More comma splices?

Comma splices, yes?

If this is online, you should hyperlink it.

Spelling error

See if you can "add a caption" to the picture instead of doing this. Also, see if you can click on the picture and change the settings so the text wraps around the image. It will look WAY better. See me for help with this!

I think this is great, and I would consider developing by adding a paragraph about what you personally think about all of this. This is a nice summary of where the numbers are pointing, but it feels like it's missing some anecdotal stories from actual people talking about why cable isn't meeting their needs. Maybe start with a little story, or expand this part about your own family to make it more engaging?

Put titles of stuff in italics (or underline them).

Label this "Assignment" so everyone knows that's what it is. You are also missing course and assignment objectives on here.

Title your post so that it relates to what you actually focus on in your piece.

Yes, I think it is on teachers to find ways to transform the structures of school so that learners are directing their studies and contributing to knowledge, not just memorizing, jumping through hoops, etc... Curious to see if any of my students read this, and what they think...

I actually agree with this. So much focus on grades, so little on the bigger questions of what students need/want to learn and why...

So curious about this. In #opencomp right now, I can imagine students taking this deal, but I also see that they can find work worthwhile if they have a hand in designing it.

So excited about how this mutual inspiration is working, since I can't wait to have time to really absorb this post so I can figure out what I need to do with a new anthology I am building for Interdisciplinary Studies. Would love to have Hypothes.is built in!! So exciting!

You are all completely spoiling me for every other customer service experience.

Why? Ha ha.

This is such an important word. It's about the fact that beginners build lopsided houses rather than perfect architectural masterpieces, yes. But it's also about thinking about the web as a workshop more than as a showcase. This is all about moving knowledge from the static to the dynamic, and something that will change is always something inherently (and productively) flawed. I think scholars need to model that the web can be a space for collaboration and failing forward, since we can't expect our students to work in imperfect ways and then only share our most gleaming and polished products...

So important for those us working on ePortfolio initiatives. Do we provide a slick product for students to use... Or should we be asking them to build their own ePorts? (I am sure you know where I lean...ha ha...)

I keep coming back to this word. (Ha ha....I made a pun.) But seriously, it seems so very helpful to think of learning this way. LOVE it!

Yes, I am finding this to be true as my university commits itself to an interdisciplinary model centered on engaged and experiential learning. So much potential in thinking about networked learning, but it's very hard to guide the conversation in that direction. Not sure why, except that the EdTech industry may be somewhat to blame for the way its undertheorized the role that pedagogy plays in the incorporation of technology into education.

We are TOTALLY going to talk about this project in class. Make sure you understand what he did, and then be prepared to tell us what you think about it. Because it is AWESOME and DISTURBING to me in so many ways!

I wonder if we can work Butler in here, thinking about how she imagines gender as a performance?

Here's the quote from the class handout.

This is where you can stop reading, folks in my class.

In our terms, we might say diachronic, no?

I am having this tattooed on my arm.

Relevant to the discussion about the pros and cons of the "Learning Management System."

This is also why I love being a part of Interdisciplinary Studies. I feel like "as a field," we understand that fields are dynamic, growing, shifting, and we celebrate that and use it to improve our scholarship, not threaten it.

I think this is about building an open system, and only closing off that which is itself closed off...

This is so much a reason why I am invested in open pedagogy, in public universities... love this.

Nice!

Note to self.

Shifting from framing to a dialogic.

That is powerful.

Yes.

Ouch? But maybe yes?

Good question. First, how would we explain the difference between the two in clear language, and second, what benefits would be gained by enticing the disciplines in this way, and third, what effect would this have on disciplinarity, and fourth, what logic would entice disciplines...

Wow-- this question is exactly the one that has been on my mind lately...

Interesting and loaded phrase, no?

Macherey's Theory of Silences

What would the New Critics say about this? (You don't need to read this section, but we will discussing in class.)

Worth reading!

Not assigned!

This is worth reading if you have time.

You only need to read this!!

Probably like a few of my students are currently finding YOU, Terry Eagleton.

Art helps us see ideology. I LOVE THAT.

We will read him soon. I TOTALLY HEART LOUIS ALTHUSSER! Except for the small matter of the fact that he killed his wife. Bummer on that.

Got it?

Try to figure out what a "vulgar Marxist" is (it's not good). What kind of a reading does this kind of lame, simplistic critic do?

I love this.

So glad that you all found this key sentence!

be prepared to explain what this is and why Eagleton thinks this is a lame kind of Marxist criticism...

I like this-- powerful....

The one thing you will remember from this course when you are 95 years old.

Love this idea so much....

Atheism. Just checking that you got that. :)

We will be reading him soon. He will be your very favorite. :)

The end of the common course and condition...beginning of private property...all that good stuff...

The "plain style" is a big key for Puritans... we will discuss in class...

Ok, tweeps...I will get to this when I can, but I am backlogged. Hope to read it soon!

TRIPOD?! Anyone?! Anyone?!

Helpful summary.

This is a key term for Rosenblatt.

Important, no?

Do you think CDV is building the symbolism of his narrative intentionally?