3,456 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2024
    1. the Recording Academy confines black artists’ music into boxes that they do not fit in

      but how to address this, because categorization isn't just a problem vis-a-vis the RA. How can the RA address the problem without fundamentally revising its approach to genre?

    2. diversifying the voting body to accurately reflect the demographics of the music industry and expanding the criteria used to evaluate artistic merit.

      when was the last time this happened? what's the make-up of the academy currently? cite sources

    3. arbitrary subdivisions.

      are they arbitrary, though? or are you suggesting the Academy misunderstands genre or struggles to accommodate artists who cut across genres?

    4. Additionally, the Recording Academy must confront its own biases and prejudices that have historically favored white artists

      It would be great if you should show rather than just tell, here. Aren't there a number of counterarguments needing to be addressed? Isn't there data to share that could make your argument more persuasive?

    5. The issue is that if the voting system were fair, the awards would reflect the opinion of the general public.

      But is that what the Grammys award? Popularity? Does album of the year signify most popular album, of the album of the greatest quality?

    6. While there are genre-specific awards such as Best Rap Album and Best R&B Album, these categories are often viewed as consolation prizes for those who were not nominated for the highest honors

      But then, if an artists wins both a genre category as well as an overarching one like Album of the Years, doesn't that practice also exclude artists from consideration? Are you saying the answer would be to limit genre-based awards and expand the number of artists nominated for general awards?

    7. to pigeonhole black artists into genre-specific categories, effectively marginalizing them from competing in the major general categories.

      you could make this point more strongly but showing ways white artists are not pigeonholed

  2. joeynewell.substack.com joeynewell.substack.com
    1. this advanced technology

      maybe clarify what technology you're talking about. i presume you're mainly thinking about AI, which can be acquired at a relatively low cost and used for nefarious purposes

    2. The style of open letters also have similarities, yet differences depending on the letter. Generally, open letters can have a more casual style compared to other genres.

      how do you know this? what source material did you examine?

    3. Politico article released in February titled “Big Tech tells politicians: We’ll control the deepfakes”Incase you care to read: https://www.politico.eu/article/deepfakes-control-big-tech-elections-2024/

      consider moving this up. use it as your occasion for writing.

    4. cancel culture remaining on the forefront of even everyday society, the threat of deep fakes has unlimited power to all levels of society

      not sure i would recommend framing this in terms of cancel culture. it's become one of these terms (like "woke") that gets used ad nauseam and means different things to different people. it's imprecise. if you're worried that deepfake could be used to make someone appear guilty of bad behavior, just say that -- it could be used to frame or blackmail people

    5. who find it hard to believe reality

      maybe there's a different way to put this? they question official reports of events, and suggest reality lies beneath the surface

    6. The reason this video is under such debate

      "under such debate" is awkward. why not say, "People doubt the video's accuracy" or "People are suspicious of the video because ..."?

    7. The thought of technology being able to pass as my identity and the identity of important figures in society dismantles all meaning in the world

      i recommend working more on this sentence. it's really important to you piece overall, but a bit muddled in its current form

    1. So, it’s important to make content that people want to engage with

      maybe give readers a sense of what that is. otherwise, you're merely telling and not showing

    2. the right mix and master for your song

      you need to develop this point further for readers to find it helpful. include more resources (links, embedded videos, etc.)

    3. On top of that, within the first 3-5 seconds of your song, record labels and Spotify playlisters are making a decision to either move to the next song or keep listening to your song. If nothing grabs their attention quickly, they probably won’t keep listening

      what are you basing this recommendation on? i'm sure there's data out there that would back up this claim

  3. benabergel.substack.com benabergel.substack.com
    1. engage subscribers

      are you effectively arguing that steaming companies failed to consider a ceiling to the subscription model, or that some subscribers would come and go depending on content availability? how would greater engagement (which doesn't address the revenue issue -- more subscribers = more money) solve the problem streaming companies are facing? or are you saying it's an artificial problem caused by the practice of basing value on subscriber growth?

    2. introduction

      streaming has been around for a while now. your description makes it seem new: with it's introduction, you say, streaming executives prioritize shareholder interests. do you mean to say that this was the case from the beginning, or that, as streaming has grown, companies have been less focused on customer satisfaction?

    3. believe that open letters will continue to be a valuable tool for advocacy.

      Maybe talk a bit more about this. Open letters often are advocacy tools that include a call to action of some kind. What's your impression of the way they build content, advance claims, and rouse people to act?

    1. Over and out.

      --it's a little strange that you didn't include YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Music embeds: a blog post (or any digital essay) on music should feature some music

      --the Billy Joel examples works better than the Gaga one because you go into more detail (with Gaga, why not share a lyric that you think resembles something the Beatles would do

      --The Beatles did experiment with longer song structures as their career evolved: "I Want You (She's So Heavy)," "Revolution #9," the aforementioned 16-minute Abbey Road medley ...

      --Can you articulate the core principles th

    2. Pet Sounds includes a lot of instrumental experimentation; surely a result of Wilson’s admiration

      What about the enormous influence Pet Sounds had on Sgt. Pepper, though?

    3. music.

      Yes, but keep in mind that most pop songs of the time (and the years prior) were about that length. And the Beatles become more interested in longer song structures as they matured ("A Day in the Life," Medley on side 2 of Abbey Road).

    4. Welcome back bloggers, to get anywhere near an answer to this question it feels appropriate that we investigate their songwriting as it was established in the 1960s, how it immersed itself up to the present day, and what shape it will take in our future as music lovers.

      To get anywhere near an answer to this question requires examining their songwriting and the way it has embedded itself in pop song craft ever since.

    5. The way I went about abiding by the conventions of a blog post was done through my set of mental requirements.

      Always a good idea to look up the conventions, especially when they've been provided

    6. From my experience reading blog posts over the years, I have gathered that the language can be very informal, dramatic, and even cinematic (like story-telling

      Did you refer to this page, which I linked to on WP2?

    7. My mom used to have a blog from 2008 to 2013. I would always frequent this website to find old photos quickly because they are organized by date.

      My mom had a blog from 2008 to 2013. I used to visit it often to find old photos quickly, because they are organized by date.

    1. soon.

      This piece strikes me as neither an op-ed nor an open letter. It operates without concern for the conventions those genres demand. It's essentially an argumentative essay. One that begs the question, why now? Why make this argument about TLJ now?

    2. Star Wars has always reflected that reality, taking inspiration from revolutionary forces like the Vietcong for the Rebel Alliance and the evils of the Nazis to portray the Galactic Empire.

      can you provide citations?

    3. To those who read this piece and find themselves willing to give the film another chance, to look deeper,

      add another paragraph break here to set this final sentiment apart

    4. Because with how people describe this movie, the average person expects a movie with nothing of value, an insult to any movie fan

      wonky preposition use; missing sentence elements:

      Because of how people describe this move, the average person expects it to lack value.

      What exactly are you trying to say about movie fans here? That the reactions of those critical of TLJ have tainted the way newcomers might view the film, and that consequently they (the haters) have insult movie fans generally?

    5. An opinion piece will always be rather one sided, but without inviting in criticism and opposing perspectives, the argument loses its weight

      What are you basing this statement on? Aren't you just winging it here?

    1. deserve.

      would you say that they major shift in perspective is seeing these shows as fascinating but benign to actively exploitative and potentially dangerous? what might give this realization more bite? what if you were to example more closely the evidence of that exploitation? or, maybe there's an opportunity here to say something novel about screen time and parenting. Would these shows have fascinated you so much had they been less "off limits"?

    2. During a 4th-grade play date at my friend Lauren’s house, the middle child of six with a perpetually distracted stay-at-home mom,

      construction's a little awkward here

    1. Not only were they wrongfully convicted, but there was nothing they could do about it since during the state of emergency everybody that was incarcerated was basically stripped of their constitutional rights.

      include a citation here

    2. For my op-ed, my audience was people like my father and others I’ve interacted with who praise Bukele and claim that someone like him and with his tactics would solve the corruption and gang problems of other Latin American countries.

      this audience responds to informality?

    3. strong engaging opening and small concise paragraphs that connect to one another and develop the argument throughout the piece

      right. did you look at the how-to link provided on WP2?

  4. heidiatlas.substack.com heidiatlas.substack.com
    1. Dance Moms, the reality television show where stage moms project their dreams of stardom, youth, beauty, and excellence onto their pretty young daughters, had its cultural moments in the decade prior to our current moments in the 2020s, but still lives on in popularity, in video essays, tiktok clips, and Lifetime is airing a reunion special in the near future.

      run-on

    1. From 1998 through 2008, San Diego Padres closing pitcher Trevor Hoffman entered games to the sound of AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells.”

      clarify that walk-up songs are not a new phenomenon. the hoffman example dates back a quarter century! what's different about walk up songs NOW?

    2. The world will never know if the Nationals would have won the World Series without “Baby Shark,”

      maybe provide more info here. in what way(s) did the walk up song affect Parra's performance?

    3. I included eight bolded subheadings. I wanted to break my points into bite-sized pieces to keep my readers engaged and following along.

      less common in op-ed writing. did you identify examples using this technique?

    1. removed.

      most people don't enjoy loot boxes; some don't care; some even kind of like them

      --we shouldn't be accepting of this mechanic; we should invite legislation

      --readers should think more/care more

      --what changes? more people are aware and proposed leads to larger more productive conversation

    2. The ESRB, the major game rating organization within the United States, started putting text on the age rating label that they place on games warning customers of in-game purchases.

      why did they do so? who pressured them? the feds?

    3. casually familiar with and interested in gaming

      and those people would more likely find and spend time reading a blog post on gaming? that was your thinking, right?

    4. Blogs are typically a more casual approach to writing

      I think they offered sound advice. but there's still the question of identifying your motivation, and the action you used the blog post genre to perform

    5. This was the most prominent reason I chose the format.

      but what about your motivation? what action did you wish to take re: loot boxes? how does the blog post genre faciliatate that action?

    6. It’s no secret that loot boxes are considered a form of gambling akin to slot machines by many people

      maybe provide a citation two here. SHOW readers that this view exists rather than TELL them.

    1. And then, enter Team USA, this 2024 “Revenge Team,” locked and loaded, ready to capture gold for the 9th time in 11 Olympics. LeBron, Steph, Durant, Embiid, Tatum, and Booker signing up to play feels less like the old blueprint of slapping stars together— the sort of “fantasy draft mode” approach we’ve seen in the past.

      Maybe include a brief sentence explaining why they're the "revenge team"

    2. why not take a moment to retrace the intricate history of USA Basketball?

      for what purpose? you're asking for your reader's time and attention-- tell them (or at least allude to) what you hope to accomplish

    3. live at the intersection

      second time this phrase appears here. is it really an intersection? or are the actions you describe (reporting and storytelling) part of the genre? what would it be without them?

    4. intersection of two closely related discursive milieus: sports and popular culture

      one could argue sports and popular cultural are one in the same. there is no intersection to the extent that, for many, sports are as much a part of their everyday lives as music, tv, and film.

    1. If a painting was made at a particular time and meant to exist in a particular space in the world

      The word "if" is doing a lot of work here. Can you bring in some theoretical backing?

    2. The idea of having art accessible to a broad audience is a nice theory, but the singularity of objects is what prevents “everyone” from constantly having access to an object

      Consider citing Walter Benjamin's "The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction"

    3. I do not deny that there is a powerful argument in favor of museums: they make different cultures more accessible.

      You say something very similar to this in paragraph 4

    4. Initially, a lawsuit was filed in 2018 by the Italian Ministry of Culture against the Getty

      The article you cite contains a time line and events that differ from what you state here. Alex Postiglione exported the painting in 2018, but the Getty Trust didn't purchase it until 2021. Also, the Council of State overruled the Ministry of Culture's 2022 decision in favor of repatriation.

    5. the Italian Court

      In January, the Italian Council of State ruled in favor of the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles in a repatriation case concerning Jacapo Bassano's The Miracle of the Quails.

    6. I open with a reference to the Italian Court case about the Bassano painting, which was resolved in January of this year

      an excellent way into this discussion

    1. diet.

      --it's hard to pick up on a clear through line, as each paragraph seems randomly placed rather than building toward something

      --some parts of your analysis would benefit from screen shots from the film

      --the absence of citations (hyperlinks) denies you the opportunity to put this film in context, relating it to other similar books, films, studies, and testimonials

    2. The genre of this film primarily serves as a documentary, but it incorporates engaging elements of sports and advocacy through the protagonist James Wilks.

      This point seems a bit strained. The film is a documentary about sports and nutrition.

    3. The scenes that focus on animal agriculture are often dark and eerie, emphasizing the environmental and ethical implications of animal based food consumption.

      these examples have to do with lighting and cinematography

    4. The cinematography and editing uses the natural beauty of landscapes during an athletic performance to awe the viewers. Throughout the film, viewers will see high quality shots of nature, arenas, cheering crowds, and athletes performing their sport. Dynamic camera angles

      why not include screen shots from the film?

    5. After learning that historic Roman Empire fighters ate a plant based diet, he embarked on a journey to explore the benefits of a plant based diet in today's age.

      You might include a citation here to some material that backs up the piece of information.

    6. “The Game Changers” is a thought provoking documentary that challenges the conventional beliefs athletes have been taught little about throughout their careers: advocating for a plant-based diet for optimal protein, strength, and performance.

      “The Game Changers” is a thought provoking documentary that challenges conventional wisdom by advocating for a plant-based diet.

    7. As an athlete, the thought of eating a healthy, high protein diet is essential to be able to perform and grow in our sports.

      For athletes, diet is everything. A healthy, high protein diet enables athletes to perform and progress.

    8. Typically a film review is used to be informative and persuade or not persuade someone to watch the film

      A bit wordy with lots of "to be":

      Typically, films reviews aim to do two things: inform and persuade.

    9. to

      cut

      re-phrasing suggestion:

      After struggling with acne, fatigue, and inflammation for some time, I noticed a significant change after removing dairy from my diet.

    10. This film review focuses on analyzing the aspects within it that make it credible and for a target audience

      This film review focuses on analyzing the aspects within it that make it credible and for a target audience ...

      Possible rephrase:

      My review analyzes the aspects of the film that give it credibility with athletes. For instance, I focus on scientific evidence and the experiences of athletes who claim that a plant-based diet supports endurance, energy, and recovery.

    11. By sharing information about science involved, people interviewed, and areas that persuaded me, I want to spread awareness about a topic that is not talked about enough in the sports industry and amongst nutritionists.

      what topic are you referring to, specifically?

    12. because I wanted to capture what the film was about and aspects I think made it persuasive for athletes watching.

      maybe another way of saying this is that you wished to persuade other athletes to watch it, as you found illuminating and believe other athletes would as well.

    1. For students belonging to underrepresented groups, it’s important to take the time to learn what they won’t tell you.

      which is? what exactly won't they tell you? that diversity hires aren't taken seriously at elite firms?

    2. All her concerns she brought up to HR were swept under the rug which led to her voluntarily quitting her job.

      so, abuses still occur at elite firms -- is that the idea?

    3. beginning.

      rushed ending. also, recommending people "do their own research" is somewhat problematic. the information you're suggesting people read is unregulated and (maybe) should be taken with a grain of salt?

    4. In a commitment to equity, firms also sometimes give easier interviews with less technical questions to diversity candidate

      maybe address the controversy around this practice, if only in a footnote?

    5. jobs were cut due to falling demand.

      maybe say a bit more about this. lack of demand as in, firms stopped bringing in DEI consultants? any theories about why?

    1. As seen in Miracle on 34th Street and many other films and television shows, the suburbs are represented as a great place or an ordinary place, not a bad one.

      in the suburbs, or in NYC?