3,456 Matching Annotations
  1. Feb 2024
    1. I wanted to explore this concept of a “human rights violation” if the same laws today were applied to another period in history where a mass looting of art and displacement occurred

      for what purpose? what do you suppose that would show?

    1. .

      hard to tell that this is an annotation of a written work. what's the purpose of the article? what value does it have for those interested in researching this topic?

    1. discussing personal responsibility, this personal essay would be a good time to dive into how I have transformed my relationship with climate change and climate action

      what do you wish to say? to whom do you wish to say it? let genre emerge in relation to your audience rather than your own proclivities

    2. .

      how does this play into "forced responsibility" and psychology? if media/celebrity influence goes furthest in terms of making an impression on the public, what does this influence yield re: perceived forced responsibility?

    3. which is ironic considering a large portion of my focus was on how the psychological impacts of climate change impact personal perceptions, actions, policy, etc

      why ironic? presumably you wouldn't have know this prior to beginning research

    1. To that end, I'd like to write an opinion article targeted at my fellow game designers.

      Good. Where would such a piece appear? Where do game designers go to read about theories of game design?

      Opinion articles tend to have a single point they wish to make about a topic of interest at a certain moment. Does that seem like a good fit? Or does some other genre avail itself?

    1. .

      Los Angeles, Neutra, Mexico City-- these appear most often among your sources. How do they relate to sustainability and synthetic and natural symbiosis?

    2. Banham, R. (2022). The architecture of the well-tempered environment. University of Chicago Press.

      did you check this citation against the examples I provided?

    3. complex relationship between livable spaces and the natural outside environment

      beyond noticing that this relationship exists, what do you have to say?

    4. I plan on writing about houses that I have visited and then reflecting on the senses of serenity and connection to the surrounding nature that I feel when inhabiting spaces that integrate with the surroundings

      why? for whom?

    5. research a personal essay

      What do you want to say? To whom to you wish to say it? Answer these questions before selecting your genre. You're not research a personal essay; rather, you're familiarizing yourself with a discourse, determining what you have to say in response, identifying an audience, and then selecting a genre.

    1. My purpose was to uncover the actual mechanisms by which AI works in order to evaluate the classical Turing question “Can machines think?” in a modern context.

      interesting, but for what purpose? why invoke alan turing and the turing test (1950) in 2024?

    2. op-ed on opportunities in AI for young student like myself, and explain practically and technically how I want to innovate using this technology.

      innovate in what context? what kind of college students do you intend to appeal to?

    3. “The sky is blue” so that when I type “The sky is ____” the word with the highest probability of belonging in that space is “blue.” The computer is not inherently intelligent, it is rather brute force going through a decision tree of every possible word in its training set and choosing the most likely outcome.

      nice explanation

    4. A common misconception of nontechnical people is that artificial intelligence is in some way actually intelligent, and it is fact not

      And so, what does this mean relative to the Turning Test?

  2. ajjdomingo.substack.com ajjdomingo.substack.com
    1. This book would benefit from having more international opinions on the Philippines with Duterte’s presidency as it would offer insights into how these perspectives perceive the implications of his leadership on a global scale.

      good

    2. An informational essay with an analytical undertone would provide a structured platform to articulate the theoretical frameworks while putting them into tangible applications

      for what purpose? for whose benefit?

    3. informational essay or a multi-media analytical work would serve my communicative needs effectively

      i'm not sure i follow you. you want to write an analysis that interprets current political movements (which ones?) through populist perspectives (which ones)?

    4. I don't think my fundamental comprehension of populism has changed much since diving into this topic. Though, what has evolved is my ability to apply populism theoretical frameworks and recognize it in current events. I firmly believe analyzing real-world occurrences and observing how theoretical concepts, ideologies, political practices, etc are applied in the present is more valuable than focusing academia solely on textbooks. The dynamic nature of socio and geopolitical landscapes evolves swiftly, making contemporary analysis more pertinent than studying historical landscapes.

      you could probably cut this passage; not sure what point you're making here

    5. With the discovery, I aimed to analyze how populist frameworks may adopt different mediums in each country, yet consistently retain the same core values

      what do you mean by medium? and what impact did or do you expect medium to have on populism's core values? are they always the same? how could they me, given the two registers of populism you mention in the previous chapter?

    6. However, the duality presented itself that populist politics can revolve around charismatic leaders who appeal to the public to consolidate their own power which causes political parties to lose their importance and has elections as a medium to confirm the leader’s authority, concluding that this is where authoritarianism plays a part.

      which works were most useful in helping you gain this understanding?

    7. .

      i presume this paragraph describes what you aim to do with your research. you've amassed quite an agenda here. at whom do you wish to direct it? through what genre? how can you hope to fit all these elements into a single document?

    8. I then want to broaden the scope by applying populism ideology to current events on an international stage,

      do you mean populist? also, in what way do you intend to apply it?

    9. meticulously scrutinizes the intersectional aspects of populism, focusing on prominent global leaders, media dynamics, and the international ramifications that are derived from populist ideologies.

      This sentence suggests you're describing something you've already written.

    1. .

      Lots of summary; next to no assessment. More vigorous editing would have cut down on word use significantly, added much needed stylistic clarity, and created room for assessment.

    2. instructional, informative piece that teaches music artists, managers, or record labels how to grow and arrive at the place they ultimately want to be at in their careers

      I would pick one; doing all three will likely yield a less helpful 5-paragraph essay.

    3. This article discusses strategies for bringing a novice artist to a popular artist

      This article discusses strategies for turning a novice artist into a popular artist.

    4. It mentions that branding is a set of planned moves that go into creating a strong image. It also stresses that branding is the most important part of the marketing process.

      Okay, but what's your assessment of the article's utility?

    5. Apparently, competing in a singing competition is the fastest path to getting a record deal. The next most prominent paths that lead to securing a record deal are releasing music independently and securing a publishing deal.

      Competing in a singing competition is the fastest path to getting a record deal followed by releasing music independently and securing a publishing deal.

    6. It evaluates the best paths to success as a country artist by looking at common trends among successful country artists.

      It's clear from sentence #1 that you're talking about country artists; no need to mention it twice in this sentence:

      It evaluates paths to success by looking at common trends among successful country artists.

    1. an open letter in order to reconcile my experiences as a modern Star Wars fan in the wake of this change in the reputation of the fandom

      For whose benefit? Who's your audience?

    2. I believe my research best suits the form of a personal essay or open letter coming from my perspective as a modern Star Wars fan

      Why? What to you want to say, and to whom?

    3. When given the opportunity to choose a topic for the rest of my writing projects within this class, I feared picking a topic I may not find engaging enough to write about in the coming weeks.

      Word economy: When choosing a topic for my remaining writing projects, I feared picking something that wouldn't hold my interest.

  3. krandonishiba.substack.com krandonishiba.substack.com
    1. I aimed to choose historians and scholars who argued for the classification of Imperial Japan as a fascist state.

      can you identify them (or some of them)?

    2. ​When doing my writing assignments, my environment plays a significant role in my productivity and ability to focus

      When writing, environment plays a significant role in helping me focus.

    3. Not only were their research articles the foundation of my papers, but their more casual contributions to popular media through the form of podcasts, newspaper articles, and public speaking engagements were a great way to gain a more nuanced understanding of the topic

      but how did these researchers and authors affect your writing?

    4. The types of articles used in my writing for this class were formal accounts of historical events, politics, and society in Japan Pre-World War I until World War II.

      Can you provide an example?

    5. I found this class and the writing assignments to be less rigid and structured compared to my other psychology classes,

      why? how did you react? what did that entail?

    6. ​After my first-year writing class and as my classes became more advanced, the transition from general writing assignments, usually argumentative essays, to research papers was challenging but rewarding, especially when I started writing research papers for my psychology classes.

      wordy

    7. Since the majority of the writing that I do is in an academic setting, the majority of the assignments are required. While the idea of required writing might not be overwhelmingly positive for some,

      This passage greatly resembles what you wrote in the previous paragraph

    8. Overall, my academic writing journey throughout university highlights significant improvement in my writing skills, which motivates me to further refine my writing skills and continue my learning journey.

      You seemed trapped by the college essay format. This assignment asks you to write an autobiographical reflection, a genre that needn't include a traditional introductory paragraph.

    9. More specifically, in university, the variety of academic writing I have done spans from argumentative essays in my first-year writing class to more in-depth research papers in the field of psychology and history

      Since entering university, I've mainly written argumentative essays and research papers. In first-year writing, all four major assignments required students to make persuasive arguments related to one topic or another. And while the pieces I composed for psychology and history required more research, they too ultimately focused on persuading readers that my arguments had value.

    10. Krando NishibaWRIT-340Thanks for reading Krando’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.Pledge your supportTomkinsJanuary 24, 2024

      No need to include this info

  4. sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.com sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.com
    1. It utilizes many recent publications in order to show the importance and significance of the algorithm.

      great. which ones? what are the contours of the conversation you stepped into? what are the main ideas/arguments/debates? who are the major figures? where do you fit in?

    2. One of the main writings that I composed of during college is a five page research paper about the Fast Fourier Theorem.

      the assignment stipulates that whatever writing your discuss in part 2 should not appear in part 1

    3. This intricate process helped me develop the skill of writing simple phrases in a more profound way. It also helped me understand writing in a way that is melodic for the listener

      great. but again, showing would go a long way here

    4. To me, writing requires a lot of personal interaction with either the teacher or other students during peer reviews. Online class removed these interactions.

      good. nice pair of sentences

    5. Growing up, I was always someone that was focused on math and science, making writing one of my pronounced weaknesses.

      Growing up, I mainly focused on math and science in school. As are result, my writing skills are a bit less advanced.

    1. Beginning with English 1A, my first literature class that attempted to break the notion that writing classes had to only be based around non-fiction novels, rather it could involve current events, cultural experiences, and overall recenter towards students’ thoughts on a particular topic.

      phrasing. try:

      In English 1A, I learned that writing classes could involve more than composing analyses of canonical novels. Rather, writing could address current events and cultural experiences, and enable students to express views on a variety of topics.

    2. I knew my Professor was knowledgeable regarding the topic but I saw this as an opportunity to prove to myself that I took this class with a goal relating to a larger purpose, to learn more about my culture’s history and the steps it took before reaching what it is today.

      phrasing. let's look at this together:

    3. Sifting through various historical texts, third-party opinions, and various news articles was a grueling task, especially when in a 40-50 page text there were maybe a handful of sentences that would prove to be useful.

      say more about the contours of the conversation. what are the main ideas? the major debate(s)? the major figures? where do you fit in?

    4. For my zooming-in portion, the text I have decided to use is my research paper/argumentative essay I wrote in my Sophomore year that was centered around the principles of Fascism that have left a mark in modern Italian society today

      phrasing. let's look at this together:

      For my zooming-in portion, the text I have decided to use is my research paper/argumentative essay I wrote in my Sophomore year that was centered around the principles of Fascism that have left a mark in modern Italian society today

    5. semester.

      take aways:

      paragraphs-- one idea at a time

      phrasing-- syntax, to be verbs, negative constructions

      elaboration-- showing rather than telling

    6. I cannot count how many times I have read an article from an “expert” and thought “Does this person even watch the sport??”. Not to say that I am an “expert”, but I think even among my friends who have wanted to learn more about soccer and are usually curious to know my opinion on an important match, hiring and firing of managers, and transfer strategies of clubs entering the market.

      can you provide an example?

    7. structure of writing I was taught where we learned how to answer specific questions - and it took me a few meetings with my Professor before I finally landed on a topic I knew I would be passionate about.

      all genres have conventions

  5. izabellage.substack.com izabellage.substack.com
    1. .

      say more about the contours of the discourse. how would you describe the conversation (already on going) that you entered? what are the major ideas, arguments, positions? who are the primary figures? where do you sit in?

    2. common.

      take aways:

      structure-- maintaining focus within paragraphs

      detail-- showing rather than telling

      phrasing-- wordiness, "to be" verbs, present progressive tense, passive voice

    3. When I am not personally invested in the issue, I do not exert the drive and dedication to seek out as much information as I can, but complete the bare minimum in order to pass the class.

      Show rather than tell. What does this look like in your writing?

    4. And I ought to clarify that writing will always be an important skill, but the extent to and the style in which it is employed will differ given that I am looking towards other professions

      phrasing. try:

      While I still believe in the importance of writing well, how often I write, and in what ways, will depend on the profession I ultimately choose.

    1. Thus, I hope to develop a better understanding of how I can improve my writing and take the initiative in starting writing assignments earlier so that I can actively make progress in my academic writing skills.

      i suspect exposure to more writing genres may help. they all have conventions. it's just a matter of determining to whom you're writing and what genres those readers will most likely engage with. and then learning the conventions in the same way you would for application essays, policy briefs, etc.

    2. .

      in writing about tiktok, you entered into an in-progress, data-rich conversation, one in which participants tend to have strong views. what are the contours of that conversation? here do you fit in?

    3. In comparison to narrative writing, having a key argument and supporting evidence is a writing structure that I am incredibly familiar with and confident in

      you've already said this

    4. If I recall correctly, almost all of my writing assignments were last-minute works that I did not find reflective of my best work and writing capacity.

      you've already said this

    5. As early as I can remember when it comes to writing in academia, I was ingrained with the five-paragraph format as the only acceptable writing structure.

      For as long as I can remember, I've used the five-paragraph structure for writing assignments in school. Throughout high school and middle school, my written assignments consisted of an introduction with a thesis statement, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

    1. .

      How would you describe the conversation you entered into? Broadly, was it a conversation about the experiences of the elderly? lessons overlooked? often ignored? whose involved in that conversation? did you use any sources when writing this piece?

    2. The choice of the narrative essay as the genre serves to draw readers into my personal experiences, making the narrative relatable and accessible

      Okay, what readers? Who are your readers?

    3. finance.

      take aways:

      --structurally, this is basically a 5-paragraph essay; push yourself to explore the conventions of unfamiliar genres

      --audience: your tone here is incredibly stiff, often seeming bot-like; learn to modify your voice/tone for different audiences

      --phrasing/verb choice: passives and progressive tense tend to complicate your prose unnecessarily

    4. My engagement with neuroscience extended beyond the confines of the classroom. A significant portion of my free time was devoted to reading books penned by experts in the field, immersing myself in podcasts, and keeping up to date with the latest scientific publications.

      These experts, like the historians you mentioned previously, had already "paved the way." How did you find space to write in this instance but not the other?

    5. The historical depth demanded rigorous research, yet as I delved into the vast expanse of historical articles, an unsettling realization dawned – historians had already paved the way, leaving me to tread familiar ground. The pressure to create unique insights collided with the weight of historical consensus, stifling my creative freedom

      There's still plenty of room for creativity. All writing is reactive to some degree. The fact that other have chimed in before you give you more opportunity to react, not less.

    6. Despite a diverse selection of writing pieces, in this essay I will explain how personal relevance to the subject matter in a competitive landscape allows my writing to thrive accompanied by concrete outcomes.

      Your tone seems a bit stiff throughout this paragraph? To whom are you writing? Also, you're writing an autobiographical reflection, not an argumentative essay. You needn't worry about having a "thesis statement."

  6. tannermcconlogue.substack.com tannermcconlogue.substack.com
    1. berattacks on critical infrastructure. However, I do not attempt to resolve the debate. Instead, I propose that the debate does not need to be resolved because, given the uncertainties involved, the only responsible position is to prepare for and defend against the worst-case, gravest threat imaginable

      However, I do not attempt to resolve the debate, as doing so seems beside the point. What's important, I argue, is preparing for and defending against the gravest threats imaginable.

    2. Although I had done many presentations for mock clients, this was my first writing directed at real-world clients that I could see on the screen

      Although I had written many presentations for mock clients, this was the first piece directed at real-world clients that I could see on the screen.

    3. The most valuable strategy that I learned from my freshman writing class was to take something personal from your life and turn it into inspiration and motivation.

      can you elaborate? what how to makes this discovery meaningful? it wasn't part of the assignment direction you received, I gather. you figured it out on your own. what does this tell you about handling seeming daunting or unpleasant writing tasks?

    4. most of my writing falls into three general categories: (1) freshman writing course; (2) general education courses; and (3) cybersecurity courses and internship.

      so, the categories are courses? what about types of audiences? or types of aims?

    5. However, upon further reflection,

      maybe use a different transition?

      My writing itself runs the gamut in terms of tone, audience, purpose, and so on; nevertheless, it's clear that my college writing output falls into three basic categories ...

    1. To me, everything is more enjoyable in sandwich form. This is why, today, I have decided to break down my history as a writer into a sandwich recipe. It will be much more enjoyable for everyone involved, trust me.

      Consider making a stronger case for your chosen approach. it shouldn't appear arbitrary, as the your reflection may appear a bit hokey as a result.

      You say "to me," but what if readers don't have the same attachment to sandwiches?

      You could say, for instance, that if "you are what you eat," then you're a sandwich, which means that when it comes to understanding your writing, it's useful to think in terms of sandwiches!

    1. Therefore, there were not many points of view to be challenged

      sure, but you had to understand the contours of the conversation in order to situate yourself in a position of neutrality. what were those contour? what ideas? what major figures? what debates?

    2. I tried to keep an open mind for the audience, but I still fell into the same trap that most college students do: writing for your professor.

      what ideas did you engage with? who's responsible for them? who's already in the conversation. don't those people constitute at least a portion of your audience?

    3. outside research, readings from the course with my own opinions, and an overarching theme surrounding ethnography. Typically, I would have loathed this type of paper because of the prompt’s vagueness

      seem pretty specific to me ...

    4. One of my favorite pieces of writing I’ve ever completed at USC is a hybrid analytical, research, and opinion paper produced for a Master of Anthropology course in the first semester of my Senior year.

      Word economy:

      One of my favorite pieces of writing I’ve ever completed at USC is a hybrid analytical, research, and opinion paper produced for a Master of Anthropology course in the first semester of my Senior year.

    5. I asked my TAs to help guide me through this process and did some outside research to understand the process of creating a critical film analysis.

      can you elaborate? show rather than tell?

    6. which was not that difficult of a format to complete.

      right. but what about the fact that it does have a strict format. how did you respond to it as opposed, say, to how you react to other writing conventions?

    7. WRIT 150 was fun, but it was safe. I felt safe, resulting in me not applying myself as much as possible.

      word economy:

      WRIT 150 was fun, but it was safe. Consequently, I failed to apply myself as much as possible.

    8. An average experience of me writing “I agree with [classmate’s name] on [insert random topic], but did you consider [insert random question]” in response to a blog post can be seen below.

      nice. but it would be useful, too, to include an actual excerpt

    9. I’m tasked with a prompt where I can tell a story and narratively express myself. Writing means so much more to me when it represents who I am

      i would think that a vague prompt would make this exceedingly possible

    10. vague prompt

      doesn't vagueness suggest open-endedness? possibility? if not, why not?

      what makes it uninteresting if it's vague? vague suggests there's room to bring into things that are of interest to you.

  7. johnfung.substack.com johnfung.substack.com
    1. The language is sophisticated, but not too specialized that it’s hard to read

      The language is sophisticated, but not so specialized that it’s hard to read.

      Despite using sophisticated language, my essay maintains the reader's interest by avoiding the use of alienating jargon.