- Apr 2024
-
malenasmith.substack.com malenasmith.substack.com
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This sparked my interest because I am interested in real estate, housing aesthetics, and architecture
who are you in this scenario? if you're a real estate blogger, wouldn't these interests be self-evident?
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The poor housing crisis
what do you mean by this?
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Renters
use an apostrophe: renter's dilemma
-
-
giovannivurro.substack.com giovannivurro.substack.com
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was stopped in its tracks
why talk about this in 2024? what's the urgency?
-
you
your
-
This hypothetical is a reality that the majority of fans around the world would have had to face had this proposal continued on its path
wouldn't this hypothetical already be well known? the proposal failed, leagues pulled out, right?
-
To illustrate just how saturated with consequences the Super League would be if it goes through consider this hypothetical.
is there still a chance this will happen? the proposal, according to your article, largely died shortly after it was announced in 2021. You need to clarify why we need to discuss the matter in 2024
-
were
cut
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The reaction to this proposal was an uproar, there is no other word to describe the effect it had on fans around the world.
make separate sentences
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The Athletic’s, Kieran Maguire, did an excellent job compiling financial figures for the top clubs in the world before and after COVID-19. Looking at it economically some of the concerns these clubs (12 listed above) had were fair, their profits had decreased by $900 million dollars since the pandemic.
new emphasis, new paragraph
-
preeminent example
of what?
-
let the biggest clubs in the world play each other week after week, (maybe) guaranteeing sold-out stadiums and driving up ticket sales and sponsorships.
move this up to make sure readers know (or are reminded of) what's at stake
-
Whose idea was in essence simple
His idea was simple:
-
upon
at
-
It would guarantee them fixed amounts of money every season, essentially making the rich richer.
whose "them"? "it" -- the new league arrangement, presumably -- would enrich players? owners? who's making this proposal and to whom, specifically?
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“Their”
why in quotes?
-
was taken
by what?
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for me
cut
-
I believe
cut
-
Generally, sports articles are no more than a few pages long and rarely include complex themes or language.
New emphasis; new paragraph
-
detail
add comma
-
their stories under the base of clickbait
just say: "clickbait" stories
-
them as
cut "them as"; add "it"
-
an opinion
just opinion? or are they making arguments based on analysis and reasoning?
-
topic
add comma after "topic"
-
For Writing Project 3, I decided to write a sports article. I would not necessarily classify it as a pure opinion piece, but I did want to leave a significant impression of my thoughts on the reader.
your title makes the opposite seem true, however. it's clear you have a point of view on this topic. why suppress it? sports articles can have arguments.
-
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nicholaskhalili.substack.com nicholaskhalili.substack.com
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The platform will also allow candidates to debate with each other and answer questions collectively,
doesn't this seem dangerous? at the end of the day, it's not REALLY these people? it's a representation. and the behaviors exhibited by AI Biden and AI Trump are, as with everything AI, approximations, emulations, based on probabilities. why not just listen to the candidates themselves or read analyses by experts?
-
Aristotle can teach me his philosophy in the way that best suits my learning style, and I can ask follow-ups, ask him to elaborate and paraphrase, and customize the learning to my own style
if the tech can do this, then can we really say we're talking to Aristotle? what does Aristotle know about 21st century learning styles? AI would use probabilities to instruct AI Aristotle how to teach. but doesn't this take us further from the source, not closer? wouldn't one get a better sense of the real Aristotle by reading Aristotle?
-
best to please their audience
what if artist's aren't driven by the desires of their audience?
-
learn
is this learning? or is it sorting probabilities?
-
But it’s pretty damn intelligen
but is it? is sorting probabilities intelligence?
-
Back then,
do you mean during Aristotle's lifetime?
-
Steve made us a computer
is this description strictly true? i mean, computers already existed. plus, Jobs-- who knew little of hardware or software-- had Wozniak for actual tech development
-
Steve
why use his first name?
-
-
replace with "that is"
-
But I can’t ask Aristotle a question. I mean I can, but I won’t get an answer
it depends on the question. perhaps Aristotle already answered it. or, if not, this is where expertise becomes so crucial: scholars of Aristotle can offer advice on how Aristotle would answer the question based on their knowledge of this work
-
past and present
at odds with previous sentence, which focuses strictly on the past.
-
-
kylee340page.substack.com kylee340page.substack.com
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Record labels just want the money
this section isn't as compelling as you might think. whether fairly or not, record companies have long been regarded as money-driven, with little concern for artistry. it's a fairly cliche assessment of record companies. what, then, makes record companies in 2024 more or less money-driven than before?
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Staying relevant and having a song go viral not only adds to the A-List persona on social media, but it also is the quickest way for artists to bring in large amounts of revenue.
no doubt some artists/labels seek viral hits. but you seem to suggest that social media "reels" have replaced full-song videos and, by implication, music streaming on spotify, etc. is that true? you need to show some evidence to back up the claims you're making. even articles music magazines cite sources (by linking to them or naming them directly).
-
Apple Music and Spotify
yes, animated album covers are becoming more common. but can you prove that they're a consequence of social media?
-
The rise of TikTok videos, Instagram reels, and YouTube Shorts, have allowed for dwindling attention spans to consume music
there's a sentence very much like this one in your previous paragraph
-
social media trends
can you explain why you've focused completely on social media but said so little about streaming services like Spotify, Tidal, and Apple Music? What has streaming played -- surely it's been a significant one. to what extent have streaming and social media dovetailed to bring about the decline of the album?
-
consumption model?
it would help to see data regarding album sales-- data showing the decline of physical and digital album sales over time. this would likely provide an opportunity to show how subscriptions to streaming services has grown
-
This is all due to the rise of social media and the impact it has on the human brain.
how do you know this connection exists? where does this information come from?
-
a music article in a magazine embraces a blend of informative discourse and creative expression.
how do you know? how did you prepare to write your article?
-
I began with a captivating introduction to hook the audience's attention, followed by an in-depth analysis supported by evidence and expert opinions
why did you proceed in this way? how do these choices differ from what you might have faced writing a college essay for 150?
-
Formatting conventions within a music article typically involve a clear structure with sections and different headers throughout.
how do you know? can your identify an example or model?
-
In conclusion,
cut
-
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izabellage.substack.com izabellage.substack.com
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Disclaimer: I am fully aware that the term “Coloured” is a derogatory term with a difficult history in the United States and should not be used. However, in South Africa, “Coloured” refers to people of mixed origin including Khoisan, European, Black, Indian, Southeast Asian etc. and the Coloured people have their own culture and traditions. The term “Coloured” is frequently employed in South Africa and is seen as an ethnic and cultural classification. Therefore, for the purposes of this essay, the word “Coloured” is employed to refer to a specific South African ethnic group.
maybe but this in a footnote?
-
It is this very resilience that shines through the South African rugby team on and off the field.
i'm not convinced you need this paragraph. couldn't you praise the team without it?
-
The sports team of a generation
a blog post? i don't recall what genre you chose
-
To most, my love for the Springboks may seem random or even bizarre, but seeing my friends who also do not have any connections to the country appreciate them as well confirms what I believe: the Springboks represent the best of humanity and what we could become, which resonates with everyone.
where is part 2 of this assignment?
-
In a country where so many things seem to be going wrong
why bring this up only to move on from it?
-
myself, though not South African,
cut
-
South Africa today is a wonder
kind of weird tension develops between your assessment of south africa, how that assessment developed (by what means), and your interest in rugby, which you suggest above started on instagram
-
Given their economic situation
new paragraph?
-
diversity
what do you mean, exactly?
-
I realized that this team embodied what I loved most about South Africa
how had you developed a love for SA? from home?
-
As I stumbled upon Instagram content about South African rugby,
awkward transition (new topic)
-
I was fascinated by how South Africa came to be so diverse and sought out the stories of the Coloured Indian, Zulu, Xhosa, Afrikaner, and Tswana peoples, to name just a few
but why? this all seems so arbitrary
-
What amazed me was the unparalleled diversity
you brought this up in the previous paragraph
-
The diversity is unparalleled
explain what you mean?
-
It all began when I was initially deeply invested in researching Zimbabwe
why?
-
I dug myself into this rabbit hole during the pandemic and never left
why?
-
it was South Africa that captured my heart
how?
-
What captivated me was not the sport itself, but the stories of resilience from each athlete and the beautiful representation of South Africa as a nation
clarify. "from" each athlete? why from and not about or of? also, what do you mean by representation here? what captivated you about the sport was "the beautiful representation of SA as a nation" -- please explain. who's doing the representing? why "as a nation"?
-
back-to-back wins in 2019 and 2023
maybe explain how back to back is separated by four years
-
but then I fell in love with rugby – specifically, the Springboks, the South African national rugby team.
run-on. begin new sentence. rephrase. "I don't, but then" doesn't make sense; "but then" must follow linearly from descriptions of things past.
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I don’t like football
clarify you're talking about american football
-
love
capitalize
-
-
sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.com sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.comWP311
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The main purpose for any sports article is to inform
is it? to me, it seems more like an argument. isn't your purpose to convince basketball fans to change the way they debate who the best players are and why? one gets the sense that you've heard your share of debates that fail to take certain factors into account and you wish to convince fans to change the way they debate
-
I first wanted to figure out how a sports article is written and what the major components of a sports article contained.
good
-
My topic was about I believe that this is the perfect genre to fit what I wanted to talk about
is there a typo here?
-
My research made me question whether debating among players from different eras is even possible, and the answer was complex.
you keep referring to your research. why? what kind of document are you writing?
-
different eras is unfair when most came down to medical technology, which was out of the player's control.
so, to the extent that determining the GOAT is important, are you saying we should look to different eras and choose a range of players from across them, that selecting one player is essentially impossible?
-
Two of the main statistics I looked into during my research were Plus/Minus and WAR.
is this piece an article like you might find on ESPN.com? if so, you're unlikely to see this kind of language.
how are these used? for what purposes? what makes them important?
-
These are both crucial statistics and are used in debates, but how effective of a picture do they paint when comparing players across different eras
or assessing play before and after rule changes
-
It is only possible to determine which is the case if both played in the same era, under the same rules, making the comparisons between eras unreasonable.
maybe start with this point, or at least bring it up earlier: rule changes make an already difficult question harder to answer.
-
For decades, sports debates have been an integral part of basketball, and a prevalent topic among fans is the debate on the greatest of all time
this sentence feels like a re-start
-
I wanted to dive deeper and explore this debate and find an answer.
why? what's the occasion? what event, large or small, are you reacting to in this piece?
-
common
cut
-
-
ethandilgard.substack.com ethandilgard.substack.com
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My goal was to demonstrate that while China is a significant threat to the United States, these fears are somewhat overblown as China has many weaknesses and the US maintains superiority in most areas of significance.
So, to be clear, would readers expect PMESII analyses to reflect the priors of the author? Is it, in fact, a piece that makes an implicit argument? Or would readers expect PMESII to be purely objective?
-
- Mar 2024
-
locusmag.com locusmag.com
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AI companies are implicitly betting that their customers will buy AI for highly consequential automation, fire workers, and cause physical, mental and economic harm to their own customers as a result, somehow escaping liability for these harms
Ai offers companies a chance to do more with less; they market it as a savings mechanism that increases productivity
-
an AI-supported radiologist should spend exactly the same amount of time considering your X-ray, and then see if the AI agrees with their judgment, and, if not, they should take a closer look. AI should make radiology more expensive, in order to make it more accurate.
AI should be used to conform the assessments of experts: i.e., radiologists using AI to confirm their interpretation of data; if the AI fails to confirm, the radiologist would know to look even more closely
-
AI is a bubble, and it’s full of fraud
it would be nice to have an example
-
the residue from crypto
why does he choose to speak of crypto in the past tense?
-
VCs and scammers
how often one and the same?
-
disciplines that had historically been consumers of technology
allure of the dotcom bubble for consumers of tech, rather than developers
-
-
vsastry.substack.com vsastry.substack.com
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I think an appropriate genre to articulate this evolved understanding is a multi-media long-form historical analysis.
before you get to genre, decide what you intend to say, to whom, and why. what, precisely, are you reacting to vis-a-vis the history of Team USC?
if your intention is to "articulate ... [an] evolved understanding," you need to clarify why. how will that evolved understanding benefit readers?
--Olympics are this summer: an occasion for writing! --anyone interested in upcoming summer games will benefit --why? 1, for you; 2, to document sports, narratives, stories
-
.
--nice selection of sources: journalistic, scholarly, popular (espn/sports illustrated)
--lean, mean annotations; solid assessments
-
the focus is narrow; Abrams revisits 2008 through a Bryant-centric lens and omits valuable information about Team USA’s journey
not a big deal, but a colon probably makes more sense here
-
-
dolsongo.substack.com dolsongo.substack.com
-
.
--nice collection of sources spanning several decades: popular (from within D&D community), edited volumes, journalistic sources
--more objective sociological or ethnographic scholarship might help
--some phrasing/clarity issues
-
I want to know where Dungeons & Dragons is heading now
good
-
Lastly, approaching D&D not just as a game, but as an experience that holds real world consequences was an intriguing concept I already felt I understood, but was entirely different to see with cultural lenses
Lastly, approaching D&D not just as a game, but as an experience that holds real world consequences was an intriguing concept I already felt I understood, but was entirely different to see with cultural lenses
-
of
for
-
are out of
are made in
-
the ones
cut
-
the
that
-
They
She cites?
-
, particularly in the decade from 2012 to 2022
over the last decade
-
from the sphere of social outcasts
cut
-
there could be more focus on what it meant to have been a player ostracized during the time period. It’s a perspective that with 25 years to reflect on would be worth incorporating or further researching.
good critique
-
Byers uses hindsight of journalists and scholars researching the era to emphasize the exaggeration of Satanism and to recognize the D&D players that did commit suicide or other acts of violence were dealing with mental illness, rather than the game pushing kids to those dark places.
Drawing on existing research, Byers not only dismisses accusations of Satanism, but also shows how mental illness, rather than D&D gameplay, lead some players to commit suicide or other acts of violence.
-
framing its basis around the nation’s
phrasing:
and the desire among ___ to control teenage behavior and prevent ...
-
all things considered
cut (unnecessary)
-
new the community
new to the community
-
-
elisaliberati.substack.com elisaliberati.substack.comWP211
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The articles showed me that there is action to normalize mental health resources and guidance and gave me more ideas to write about
such as?
-
s
--inconsistencies and errors among citations makes it difficult to determine source type
--annotations are lean (good) but contain some unnecessary information (i.e., methodology) and exclude assessments
--phrasing issues sometime make reading hard going
-
Stephan, Sharon Hoover, “Transformation of children’s Mental Health Services: The Role of School Mental Health” Psychiatric Services, October 1, 2007 https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/ps.2007.58.10.1330
Stephan, Sharon Hoover. “Transformation of children’s Mental Health Services: The Role of School Mental Health.” Psychiatric Services, Volume 58, Issue 10, October 2007, 1330-1338.
-
importance of targeted interventions adapted from existing strategies
useful to other researchers? why/how?
-
Identifying deficiencies in public awareness with regard to mental health prevention, early intervention and treatment.
Fragment
-
The study was conducted in Nanning city, China, and the survey included 1,678 high school students. MHL used questions from the Australian National Mental Health Literacy and Stigma Youth Survey which focus on recognition of mental health issues and intention to seek help.
you can exclude explanation of methodology. identify topic, describe objective/argument, provide assessment
-
MHL which refers to the beliefs and knowledge about mental health disorders that help recognition, management and prevention.
fragment
-
Andrade LH, Alonso J, Mneimneh Z, et al. “Barriers to mental health treatment: results from the WHO World Mental Health surveys.” Psychological medicine. 2014;44(6):1303-1317. Barriers to mental health treatment: results from the WHO World ...
inaccurate citation
-
Russell M Viner, PhD, “Roles of cyberbullying, sleep and physical activity in mediating the effects of social media use on mental health and wellbeing among young people in England: a secondary analysis of longitudinal data” August 13, 2019 https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(19)30186-5/abstract
name of website? date of access?
-
Hards, Emily, Loades Maria Elizabeth, “Loneliness and mental health in children and adolescents with pre-existing mental health problems: A rapid systematic review” British Journal of Clinical Psychology (2022), 61, 313-334 https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/bjc.12331
inaccurate citation (generator?)
-
Ryan, Taylor. Suicide Loss Survivor, Mental Health Advocate and Intern at The American Foundation for Sucidie Prevention (AFSP)
what is this source? what type of text?
-
-
giovannivurro.substack.com giovannivurro.substack.com
-
what makes the most sense to me is an Op-Ed
why? what do you wish to say? to whom? why?
--creation of super league would have ruined the sport --would have changed the structure of leagues; funneled money to richer clubs --proposal isn't dead yet; back to court with new proposal --fans like you! avid followers!
-
What surprised me the most was the usefulness of the USC Database, not that it was a niche topic. Still, I had little belief there would be extensive works related to the European Super League (until I was met with over 10000 results).
What surprised me the most was the usefulness of the USC Database. While not a niche topic, the number of works related to the European Super League exceeded my expectations.
-
singlehandedly caused an uproar among the footballing communit
about what? why is this info invaluable to you?
-
Finding these sources not only leads me to a better understanding but it also helps me avoid beating the same point for 2000 words in future projects.
okay, but what drew your interest? what discoveries did you make?
-
“blindly”
why in quotes?
-
remedies.
--nice selection of sources: scholarly, journalistic, popular --annotations: topic and objective (usefully present); assessment (less consistently present); phrasing issues
-
For those more than casual fans who want to know the names and details of the officials and the conversations they had, this article offers that
awkward phrasing:
This article is ideal for fans seeking information about the names and details of soccer officials and their conversations.
-
is beneficial.
why?
-
involved
involved in what?
-
regarding
of
-
by Pardeep Cattry acts as a hub of sorts, offering
offers
-
.
assessment? to what degree is this source useful?
-
sports offers
add comma
-
One of the panelists,
why not identify the person?
-
-
sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.com sujitponguluriwrit340.substack.com
-
I wanted to focus on the concept of legacy and the fashion in which players are compared from different basketball eras.
why?
legacy is important because: there's typically solid answer to the question, what is legacy? we need a way to establish what qualifies as "legacy." posterity; historical
To the extent it's important we have a history of the game, we need a shared language when it comes to establishing what is and what is not "legacy" worthy.
-
decades.
--sensible collection of sources: popular, scholarly, journalistic
--lean annotations that touch on topic, objective, and assessment (good); sentence construction issues
-
unfair to compare the legacy of players across generations
who's doing so? do you have a reason to declare this unfair?
-
Using an op-ed will allow me to present information to the reader and use arguments and counter arguments in order to make my point
other genres would do this, too.
-
longevity is an important factor when considering legacy.
so, did longevity lead you to science?
-
An article I read
which one?
-
not defined
undefined
-
first began
redundant
-
The strengths of this texts
this texts?
-
It shows the development of sports medicine and how its helped change athletic performance for the better.
why not start with this sentence? to what degree is the "integration of sports medicine and sports" different from "the development of sports medicine"?
-
This paper refers to many sports medicine papers that were published recently.
unnecessary
-
during the recent age
awkward. also, probably unnecessary.
-
sports
cut
-
talks about
discusses
-
-
eriksimonson.substack.com eriksimonson.substack.com
-
our lives.
an autobiographical reflection that integrates scientific findings has potential. but what do you feel drawn to say? what do you wish to react to or elaborate on? whom do you wish to address? why? what genre will is that audience most likely to engage with?
---broader audience: problem of noise impacts everyone; we're not incentivized to connect with true selves and find quiet spaces --self-control?
-
Here and Now.”
your bibliography appears to contain a unique variety of texts, but your arrangement choices make it very difficult to use
-
t.
why in italics?
-
body.”
what is this quote from?
-
.
why caps?
-
Nature by Eckhart Tolle,
look up citation formatting for a page from a website
-
2024.
more on the book here
did you seek it out through USC libraries?
-
"Golden: The Power of Silence in a World of Noise."
no need for quotation marks
-
-
presleygarlock.substack.com presleygarlock.substack.com
-
view.
a nice collection of sources accompanied by succinct annotations. but it's hard to tell where the info you've collected might lead that's unique
-
-
kkatelynsmith.substack.com kkatelynsmith.substack.com
-
I would love to follow along on these studies as more research becomes available on the aging process of both diets and determine if there is a sole winner for health reasons
what to you wish to say, and to whom? what audience would you most like to address? what kind of document are they most likely to engage with?
-
There is nothing more frustrating than doing something wrong after you thought it was right
do you mean learning that what you thought was right turns out to have been wrong?
-
Givens does determine that overall more research is needed as certain animal-derived foods may have negative effects on long-term health however, they do need to be put into a whole diet context and considered alongside other risk factors to long-term health such as obesity, smoking and alcohol consumption
wordy
-
11 February 2024,
take aways:
--nice collection of sources: scholarly & popular --annotations are for the most part way too long
-
studies.
Very wordy:
Givens show that while animal products provide many nutrients unobtainable elsewhere...
[confusing!] ... milk appears to have enormous mismatch between both the advice given on milk/dairy foods by various authorities and public perceptions of harm from the consumption of milk and dairy products, and the evidence from long-term prospective cohort studies.
-
is able to provide
provides
-
milk/
cut
-
in relation to
regarding
-
the
cut
-
D.I. Givens writes about the increase in chronic illnesses amongst elderly and obese people amongst most Western diets, specifically targeting milk, meat, and their products.
cut
-
-
taylornford.substack.com taylornford.substack.com
-
Feb. 2024.
take aways:
--diverse collection of scholarly, journalistic, and popular sources
--heavy on summary; light on assessment
-
Albeit, it is very long and thorough, so it is difficult to sift through the information.
albeit and however are not interchangeable
However, it's very long and thorough, making it difficult to sift through the information.
-
race, representation, and equity in music.
a huge topic. zoom in on what you wish to say and what specific issue, problem, person you wish to respond to. then, figure out to whom you wish to write. finally, determine what genre that audience is most likely to engage with.
-
I have since learned that attempting to synthesize my research into a new piece would be nearly impossible
absolutely. you've entered the conversation, now you have to determine what aspects of it you wish to comment on.
-
, simply
cut
-
that I had
cut
-
After reading about the history in some of my denser texts, and comparing this information with the controversy surrounding the perception of contemporary R&B, I learned so much about the genre, but also why the lines are blurry
a bit clunky:
After reading about the history in some of my denser texts, and comparing this information with the controversy surrounding the perception of contemporary R&B, I learned so much about the genre, but also why the lines are blurry.
--first, clarify what controversy you're talking about (consider writing a separate sentence that address that subject)
--rework sentence: Reading about the history of R&B taught me not only about the genre, but also why the lines dividing R&B artists can seem so blurry.
-
-
johnfung.substack.com johnfung.substack.comWP 211
-
.
not sure about some of these sources. without annotations, the choices of Plato's Pheadrus, Sophocles's Theban Plays, and the Bible seem questionable. How do these texts relate, specifically, to your topic?
-
Snyder’s book reexamines one of the national founding myths of the United States, Pocahontas.
your annotation suggests your discussing the full text. what, then, does the page span refer to?
-
Plato. Phaedrus. Translated by Alexander Nehamas and Paul Woodruff. Hackett Publishing Company, Inc, 1995.
why plato's phaedrus?
-
The author uses personal letters and statements to reveal Tolkien’s deep-seated desire to craft a body of connected legend dedicated to England.
why was he motivated to do so? other 20th century british authors, like E.M. Forester, were likewise compelled to create a british mythological tradition. what does livingstone have to say about this preoccupation?
-
.
year?
-
flimsy conclusions by overanalyzing
what do you mean by over-analysis? how can that produce flimsy conclusions?
-
Calabrese, John A. Elements Of Myth In J. R. R. Tolkien's "Lord Of The Rings" And Selected Paintings Of Paul Klee. Ohio University, Ohio, 1980, pp. 1-37.
kind of a random source. you might have been better off looking for a source that contextualizes a particular brand of national hero.
-
The Sports Hero in the Social Imaginary: Identity, Community, Ritual and Myth.
put article titles in quotes; italicize journal titles
-
“The Quintessential American Myth: An Exploration of Symbolic National Identities Told Through Epics and Folk Tales”
Is this a title you're considering for WP3?
-
wider audience.
what do you wish to say about national myths? which one(s) are you drawn to? what do you feel compelled to respond to? to whom do you wish to gear your response? what type of document would such readers most likely engage with?
-
in which
cut
-
-
krandonishiba.substack.com krandonishiba.substack.comWP24
-
argument
what do you wish to say? how do you want to respond? what aspect(s) of the discourse are you compelled to respond to? to whom do you wish to write? what kind of document are your readers most likely to encounter?
-
colonial rule
what's your topic, exactly? colonialism? where? when? perpetrated by whom?
-
Rousseau
where did the idea to use Rousseau come from?
-
Additional Sources
Do you refer to the formatting sample I provided on Blackboard, emailed to the class, and discussed the week WP2 was due?
-
-
izabellage.substack.com izabellage.substack.com
-
privilege.
take aways:
--a good blend of journalistic and scholarly sources; sources speak to south african history and cultural as well as details about soccer and the Springboks
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The article portrays Nienaber in a very positive light without any criticism of his tactics or his coaching style.
are you suggesting this is a problem? if so, why?
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In this book, author Allister Sparks analyzes the psyche of apartheid South Africa.
nice choice
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The middle chapters are a little dense and read like a journalistic entry but the beginning and end are strong
good
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On the other hand, an informational essay would be equally exciting as I would approach it from a lens of wanting to share the knowledge that I have gathered about this fascinating topic.
what question would such an essay answer? what information do you feel your audience needs? why?
what's the rationale for writing a personal essay?
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it is that the South African people are incredibly tenacious and optimistic. The hope that they have for the country in spite of all that they have been through is truly inspiring
despite the country's history of racism?
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or Coloured
avoid!
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Coloured or
cut
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sbchung.substack.com sbchung.substack.com
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change.
what else did you learn about the causes of the crisis? what factors, other than the 4B movement, are at work here?
--always heard about low birth rate in south korea --course last semester-- controversy re; feminism in south korea --based on gender issues only? no, econ has a role to play; rapid industrialization after the korean war; having an impact on younger generations --harder for even a 2-worker family to support a family --koreean president doesn't have children!
--multifaceted problem!
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izzypampalone340.substack.com izzypampalone340.substack.com
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WWD., pp. 12–13
year?
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Digital Health Global
italics
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I want to explore more in my further writing, as it appears, following my written annotations, to be a complex topic
what do you imagine having to say? to whom?
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ilm shifted the perception of the stereotypical idea of Barbie in the eyes of people who grew up playing with Barbie, as well as the greater population of moviegoers
wasn't that its intention? maybe say a few words about Gerwig and her aims in making the film?
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a ton of research
maybe say a bit more? scholarly research?
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