8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2020
    1. Fessler, Daniel M. T. “A Burning Desire: Steps Toward an Evolutionary Psychology of Fire Learning.” Journal of Cognition and Culture, 2006.

      seems to be peer reviewed. Did you get this from a database? If so please include title of database and doi# Citation tool will give that info

    2. take some things out en

      examples?

    3. just fixing the mistakes I had made in the first draft and adding on some stuff I had forgotten original

      can you elaborate

    1. what can we do to reduce the stress levels on both sides during this unprecedented time

      remember your purpose in this essay

    2. 54% of working parents say they feel guilty because they can’t care for their children, while 43% report feeling guilty when they’re caring for their families because they’re not focused on their work responsibilities

      very telling data

    3. Parent fear

      Parents

    4. wild child he will not sit still for 6 hours a day that’s ridiculou

      edit for punctuation

    5. differences between household contributed to their overall experience with online learning.

      do you have data to support this claim?

    6. The next question

      I'd like you to move beyond the Q and A and try to select parts of the interview and integrate them into your paragraph

    7. I had conducted a survey to see high school student’s thoughts on online learning.

      Can revise this to produce a more helpful topic sentence? It should point to the conclusion of the survey and then the findings can be shown in the paragraph

    8. When looking into the effect of online learning and students’ mental health,

      if this is a topic sentence, I suspect that the paraagraph's focus might have to be sharpened

    9. According to the Center of Systems and Science and Engineering at John Hopkins University; “As of April 27th, there were a total of 111,188 confirmed cases and 6,022 deaths in New Jersey.”

      not sure this quotation speaks to the mental health challenge, does it?

    10. Not only has online learning during a pandemic show the faults in online learning, but it showed the depreciation of students’ mental health.

      exactly: nicely stated and shown

    11. “Without supports, s

      can you provide a signal phrase introducing your quotation?

    12. High

      lower case

    13. o think how has distant learning affected the lives of students and parents mentally and physically? What can we do individually to get us through this new way of life? Could the answer be that mental health is declining? Could the answer be that learning capabilities for most students hasn’t changed at all?

      all good and interesting questions

    14. were forced to shut down, restaurants are closed, and I lose

      not shift in tense

    15. I thought to myself, SCORE! A week vacation! Little did I know, that would be the last day I would have stepped foot in that school. T

      Can you break up this long paragraph for your reader's sake?

    16. you know,

      why the shift to "you"?

    17. as usually

      as usual

    18. The day was Friday, March 15, 2020. I was a checked-out Senior at Old Rochester Regional High School who couldn’t wait to leave high school and never look back.

      This begins in an engaging way: nice

    19. How has Distant Learning Affected the Lives of Students and Parents?

      a timely and important question

    20. Nelson, Matthew, and Elizabeth Murakami. “Special Education Students in Public High Schools During COVID-19 in the USA.” International Studies in Educational Administration (Commonwealth Council for Educational Administration & Management (CCEAM)), vol. 48, no. 3, July 2020, pp. 109–115. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=146253728&site=ehost-live&scope=site. Paterson, Jim. “Amplified Anxiety: COVID-19 Is Taking a Mental Toll on Students as They Plan for College, but College Admission Counselors Say Connections Can Ease Uncertainty.” Journal of College Admission, no. 248, Summer 2020, pp. 28–32. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=145511241&site=ehost-live&scope=site. Patrick, Stephen W., et al. “Well-Being of Parents and Children During the COVID-19 Pandemic: A National Survey.” American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Pediatrics, 1 Oct. 2020, pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/146/4/e2020016824. Pelletier, Erin. In-Person Interview, 24 Oct. 2020.

      I'm glad to see these peer reviewed articles from databases. You might include the doi#, right?

    21. discarded information that wasn’t suited wel

      Can you give examples?

    22. my awareness of audience

      Can you elaborate on who that audience might be?

    1. Another issue

      let's try to work on transitions so that they are less repetitive?

    2. One example of this is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Av_CsfurM7g where a person d

      will need to work on signal phrasing and integrating source material into your own writing

    3. -PlatinumParagon

      need author's last name

    4. On the article I found this in it says,

      will need to work on transitioning and citing sources

    5. your mind

      why the shift to "your"? whom are you addressing?

    6. How to get gamers to solve real world problems.

      not a sentence

    7. PlatinumParagon.info “How Video Games Can Help Anxiety.” http://platinumparagon.info/gaming-helps-anxiety/#:~:text=Video%20games%20appear%20to%20be,busy%20playing%20to%20injure%20ourselves. ProjectKnow.com “The Benefit of Video Games.” https://www.projectknow.com/blog/feeling-alcohol-cravings-play-a-game-of-tetris/ bbc.com “Video Games Help Reading in Children with Dyslexia.” https://www.bbc.com/news/health-21619592#:~:text=Playing%20video%20games%20may%20help,their%20reading%20skills%2C%20research%20suggests.&text=Their%20work%20builds%20on%20ear

      no authors?

    8. Works Sited

      Works Cited

      Not in MLA format and incomplete: please include three peer reviewed articles and interview

    9. Arizona.edu blog “game changer video games and real world problem solving.” https://it.arizona.edu/blog/game-changer-video-games-and-real-world-problem-solving-part-one

      not in MLA format: needing author, date of pub

    10. d revising I chose to elaborate more on some of my topics.

      what topics?

    1. . The materials included in-game communications, reviews and books. All that reading may also be helping players improve their writing. About 3 in 5 (62.5%) young people who play video games also write something related to gaming

      interesting

    2. This information is the opposite of what is shown in a journalistic note/reportage made by CNN called Video games help children improve literacy, communication

      shouldn't you be breaking this paragraph up?

    3. “Researchers at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health published research in July that looked at meta-analyses of pre-existing studies. The team found that violent video games may increase aggressive behavior, but ‘these effects are almost always quite small.’”(

      see my earlier comment about selecting portions of a quotation

    4. ust words, this i

      edit for comma fault, here and elsewhere

    5. Observational learning theories (e.g., social cognitive theory) argue that positive feelings, such as those derived from alleviating negative affect, can serve to reinforce behaviors that led to those positive feelings (Bandura, 1978). Thus, it is possible that when virtual violence leads to decreases in negative emotions (and subsequent increases in positive emotions), the act of using violent games to manage negativity is reinforced“ (Bonus,Peebles,Riddle)

      rather than quoting the whole thing can you select parts of the quotation most relevant and integrate them into your sentence?

    6. d The influence of violent video game enjoyment on hostile attributions conducted by James Alex Bonus,  Alanna Peebles and Karyn Riddle.

      I appreciate your introducing the source but for now you need only give the name and leave the title for your Works Cited list

    7. how video games Influence us?. I

      good--thanks for stating the question early on

    8. have you

      why the shift to "you"?

    9. Video games change the world and they also become a job so they are not only

      you seem to have a habit of combining sentences with "and" rather than stopping the sentence before combining.

    10. One thing that makes a change in the world for good or bad is technology and with it also brought many ways to spend our time or entertain us, one of these things are video games

      you will need to edit for punctuation: separating sentences with periods, okay? And you will need to be consistent in tenses

    11. *Hernandez, Douglas. Zoom Interview Oct-24-2020

      good to see this, too

    12. *Azad, Armad. “Video games unlikely to cause real-world violence experts say.” CNN website.

      date and URL?

    13. *Bonus, James Alex, et al. “The Influence of Violent Video Game Enjoyment on Hostile Attributions.” Computers in Human Behavior, vol. 52, Nov. 2015, pp. 472–483. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1016/j.chb.2015.05.044.

      I am pleased to see peer reviewed articles from databases in this list

    1. Imaginary audience is a common phenomenon that occurs within every adolescents brain and it creates this false sense of pressure that everyone is watching you.

      interesting

    2. study done by Tassia Oswald, Alice Rumbold, Sophie

      Thanks for the signal phrasing!

    3. problems such as anxiety and depression. These social media platforms such as Facebook cause something know as “Facebook depression” or “Facebook envy” (Guinta & John, 2018). “Facebook Depression” is defined as “depression that begins with an extreme amount of social media usage and subsequent development of the classic symptoms of depression” (Guinta & John, 2018)

      useful quotations but try not to string quotations together. Try to comment on each one first

    4. Cyr, Berman, & Smith, 2015)

      Thanks for the citation (APA) but try to avoid citing sources at the end of paragraphs only: cite in the sentence where the borrowing occurs.

    5. People scoring high in attempting identity exploration

      what does this mean?

    6. it’s negative

      its

    7. look into the effects of internet use.

      say more? what were the findings?

    8. ace to face.

      edit for punctuation, here as well: face-to-face

    9. communication however are n

      , however,

    10. Technology

      do you want to be more precise? web tech? digital? social media?

    11. it’s main users adolescents.

      its main users: adolescents

    12. Bibliography:

      Works Cited

      Thanks for this.

      I don't think I see three peer reviewed sources from databases and an interview yet

    13. Cyr, B. A., Berman, S. L., & Smith, M. L. (2015). The Role Of Communication Technology in Adolescent Relationships And Identity Development. Retrieved October 25, 2020, from https://eric.ed.gov/?q=source%3a%22Child+%26+Youth+Care+Forum%22&id=EJ1049705

      I believe this is in APA rather than in MLA format

  2. sethceng101.weebly.com sethceng101.weebly.com
    1. That's right cars are capable of up to 1200 horsepower due to air. There are two main ways your car can get this air, superchargers or turbocharger

      cite source?

    2. In 1981 carbon fiber was introduced to the car scene

      cite source?

    3. which allows air flow to go around the pre catalytic converter when the car is under full throttle, while still reducing emissions but allowing upwards of 300 horsepower to be brought to life.

      cite source?

    4. like the Koenigsegg which has their own patented exhaust set up which gains the car upward of 300 horsepower when it's functionable

      I'm assuming that you have prior knowledge of this but if you are getting this from your current research please cite the source

    5. In this essay I will be answering the question of how cars are designed and engineered to be extremely fast and also comply with street legal emissions and rules.

      good, clear, opening

    6. getting you

      why the shift to "you"?

    7. Citations

      Works Cited

      Please alphabetize Please add three peer reviewed articles from databases and an interview

    8. Bugatti Veyron Technology, www.bugatti.com/models/veyron-models/technology/.

      please complete: data of pub

    9. “Basic Inspection Information.” Mass Vehicle Check, www.mavehiclecheck.com/motorists-basicinfo. 

      please complete: author, date of publ.

    1. : direction stimulation and hedonism.

      explain?

    2. These beliefs about men and women reflect something about our cultural values on them as well.

      I might suggest breaking up these long paragraphs

    3. at you

      why the shift to "you"?

    4. catholic setting

      Catholic

    5. (Abrams et al. 2003 

      is this your citation? I can't tell--if so, no date necessary. See MLA form

    6. e Ambivalent Sexism and Religion: Connected

      cite author?

    7. of these is hostile sexism

      misogyny?

    8. which many also know the horrors of being born female in those countries and living there.

      cite sources?

    9. Patriarchy Unmasked,

      cite author?

    10. The development of patriarchy is in part a product of the agricultural revolution, t

      fascinating

    11. In most of them Eve is painted as the evil one for eating the apple.

      good point--this is where it all starts in western tradition?

    12. The many variations of Adam and Eve stories.

      not a sentence

    13. Since some records show that sexism has been going on way back then

      not a sentence

    14. When and why did sexism originate?

      why the red color font?

    15. Works Cited

      okay--you have your popular web source listed--thanks. Now you will need to add three peer reviewed articles from databases and your interview

    1. e jeunesse dorée of the information age,

      what does this mean? please explain

    2. What happened?” He speculates on the answer: “What if I do all my reading on the web not so much because the way I read has changed, i.e. I’m just seeking convenience, but because the way I THINK has changed?”

      cite Carr I see that so far Carr is your only source

    3. The next possible answer

      these transitional markers are useful, although I wonder if you might make them less repetitive?

    4. Marshall McLuhan pointed out in the 1960s, media are not just passive channels of information. They supply the stuff of thought, but they also shape the process of thought

      may I ask why you quote this part? It doesn't seem to be saying what you are saying in this paragraph

    5. there brain

      their

    6. easily you

      why the shift to "you"?

    7. what can be done to stop it as the internet has become such an important part of everyday lives.

      is this a question?

    8. there

      their

    9. striping

      spelling

    10. is google making us stupid.

      punctuate as question and put quotation marks around it since Carr is the one who asked the question? And cite Carr?

    11. Carr, Nicholas. Is Google Making Us Stupid?, 2008, web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=ffb4dcac-a95d-4044-8182-8ba94fc8168e%40sdc-v-sessmgr03.Badke, William. How Stupid Is Google Making Us?, 2010, web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=0248c548-8a43-40f4-8225-fbdb58623747%40sessionmgr4007.Bowman, James. Is Stupid Making Us Google?, 2008, web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=6f73f36c-1ad0-46cb-8f6d-3aa34c8a797e%40sdc-v-sessmgr02.Fitzgerald, Michael. “Google Makes Us Stupid.” CBS News, CBS Interactive, 14 June 2008, www.cbsnews.com/news/google-makes-us-stupid/.Asay, Matt. “Nick Carr: Is Google Making Us Stupid?” CNET, CNET, 10 June 2008, www.cnet.com/news/nick-carr-is-google-making-us-stupid/.

      Works Cited

      formatting makes this very hard to read I don't know if you have three peer reviewed articles from databases or a personal interview Please work on completing and reformatting this list?

    12. Lastly it could affect there ability to research without the internet.

      I don't see a postwrite

    1. Although the practice of using ivory for art may be deemed immoral, the history it holds within it is more valued today than the prestige it used to have.

      fascinating

    2. appreciating sadness versus happiness

      why?

    3. Overall, the participants concluded that the artworks that were sad in nature were more unique and valued more.

      interesting

    4. Pricing Aesthetics: How Cognitive Perception Affects Bidding for Artworks” by

      put in Works Cited list rather than here?

    5. Several researches have attempted to identify the leading cause of what determines a

      want to break this long paragraph up?

    6. Fangyuan Chai, et al. “Pricing Aesthetics: How Cognitive Perception Affects Bidding for Artworks.” Social Behavior & Personality: An International Journal, vol. 44, no. 4, May 2016, pp. 541–554. EBSCOhost, Web. 24 Oct. 2020 Harold, James. “On Judging the Moral Value of Narrative Artworks.” Journal of Aesthetics & Art Criticism, vol. 64, no. 2, Spring 2006, pp. 259–270. EBSCOhost. Web. 24 Oct. 2020

      I am pleased to see peer reviewed articles from databases--nice

      Note that if you use the citation tool in the database you will end up with the doi #

    7. hedonic analysis

      what does this mean?

    8. ideologies

      interesting word here--can you unpack this a bit?

    9. , how does a metal sculpture of a rabbit fetch upwards of $91.9 million (Gaby Del Valle), yet a multiple bedroom mansion with hundreds of acres of land, who some may argue is more “valuable”, sells for less?

      how, indeed! Nice

    10. also took my partner’s critiques into consideration, such as shortening some of my sentences, and incorporated them into my writing.

      good

    11. my knowledge on the structure and genre of research papers.

      can you say more?

    12. to an audience that is interested in artwor

      good

    1. “Coronavirus is continuing its spread across the world, with more than 38 million confirmed cases in 189 countries and more than one million deaths.” There are around 7.8 billion people in this world and around 38 million

      I see that you are quoting but cite no source. This is troubling and despite the quotation marks does amount to plagiarism.

    2. who you

      why the shift to "you"?

    3. We all just have to pray that the coronavirus can’t get any worse than what it already is.

      I don't see a postwrite but more trouble is the fact that I don't see a list of Works Cited

    1. physical twitches?

      Is this a question?

    2. new weds

      newlyweds

    3. Carter claims that “love is a complex phenomenon, encompassing sex, friendship, intimacy, and commitment. Not only does it have a survival value for the individual as well as the species, it also adds greatly to quality of life” (Carter 1).

      good use of source: you skillfully embed the quotation within the grammar of your own sentence--and cite properly

    4. Works Cited:

      This is a helpful list in pretty good MLA form Don't think I see peer reviewed sources from a database or an interview yet?

    5. added different paragraphs,

      where, exactly? why?

    6. An inquiry based paper is a new structure for me.

      How so? What is different about the structure?

    1. “However, social comparison

      can you provide a signal phrase?

    2. Whether this is about their life, their body, their wealth or many many other things.

      not a sentence

    3. Bivariate analyses

      meaning?

    4. It affects around 40 million people or 18.1% of the population of the age 18 and older. Although Anxiety affects many people, it is treatable. However, most people do not get it treated. Only 36.9% of people with anxiety receive treatment. In a study, 915 people aged 18-25

      cite source

    5. study was conducted to find how many twitter users are depressed

      Is depression the cause or effect of Twitter use?

    6. In 17 countries, 5% of people reported to have at least one major depressive episode. Untreated depression syptoms could lead to suicide as well as drug or alcohol addiction. About 90% of people who commit suicide were depressed

      I'm assuming this is a paraphrase--please use signal phrase

    7. “Depression is a major public health concern in the U.S. and globally” (Yazdavar et al. 2020)

      I would suggest that you start paragraphs with your own topic sentence rather than a quotation or paraphrase--to allow you to own the paragraph. I appreciate the citation--remember that MLA doesn't require dates in text (that's APA)

    8. This leads to the question: how does social media affect our mental health? 

      clearly stated after a helpful introduction

    9. can make you

      why shift to "you"?

    10. Works Cited 

      inteview?

    11. Facts & Statistics.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics. 

      date of publication?

    12. Rozgonjuk, Dmitri, et al. “Fear of Missing Out (FoMO) and Social Media’s Impact on Daily-Life and Productivity at Work: Do WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat Use Disorders Mediate That Association?” Addictive Behaviors, vol. 110, 2020, p. 106487., doi:10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106487.  Shensa, Ariel, et al. “Social Media Use and Depression and Anxiety Symptoms: A Cluster Analysis.” American Journal of Health Behavior, vol. 42, no. 2, 2018, pp. 116–128., doi:10.5993/ajhb.42.2.11. 

      I am pleased to see these peer reviewed articles from databases

    13. I might have put in that wasn’t really needed or didn’t fit well in the essay.

      can you explain?

    1. I interviewed Derek Catabia,

      a useful interview but could you try to avoid restating the Q and A and more selectively insert parts of the itnerview into your paragraph (which might need to be broken up)?

    2. to avoid these health problems that go along with isolation, it is important to keep the elderly involved in social situations to simulate their social life.

      wise advice

    3. mild social isolation, especially in older adults, have shown through studies are linked

      not sure I follow--edit for grammar?

    4. “social isolation can be defined in terms of people’s social network structure, reflective of the objective state of a lack of social relationships. In contrast, loneliness is typically defined as a subjective phenomenon that reflects the perception that emotionally intimate needs, or social needs are not being met” (Menec, Newall, Mackenzie, Shooshtari, Nowicki

      a useful quotation and thanks for the citation I suspect that you may be able to trim this quotation a bit to fit your sentence even better, though

    5. I believe that preexisting mental illness will worsen these effects in both instances.

      a stark statement but likely accurate

    6. how does the experience of social distancing from the pandemic differ from complete social isolation? More specifically, how does different amounts of social isolation effect people psychologically?

      really important and timely questions This opening paragraph works well.

    7. Citations:

      Works Cited

      I am pleased to see that you were able find the three peer reviewed articles from databases MLA form is solid Interview?

    8. going from mild to major

      interesting--can you elaborate?

    9. to someone who would be interested in the topi

      who might that be?

    1. People need to take more consideration

      remember your purpose?

    2. The puppy continued to endure an electric shock by crossing the grid just to be with their person. Now imagine the puppy grows up and the owner doesn’t want an older dog. The puppy that endured pain and would continue to just to be with their owner is now being thrown into a system that cannot guarantee a promising future. It is unfair that people can choose what to do with a life that isn’t very capable of living without a normal routine. Animals don’t get to choose how their life will go; it is decided by people that need to weigh their options before investing themselves into another being’s life. Most pets don’t have a long life span compared to people, so we need to try and make the most out of their lives. 

      Like the long paragraph before it, I wonder whether this paragraph needs to be broken up and/or given a sharper focus?

    3. ASCPS

      is this in your Works Cited?

    4. only thing that puts thousands of animals in strenuous situations though

      not sure I follow this transition

    5.  so you

      why shift to "you"?

    6. According to PETA, Chimpanzees were very popular in testing diseases such as HIV, cancer, malaria, and many more. On top of these diseases were unhealthy habitats, the primates were caged alone and deprived of freedom.

      cite source?

    7. Karla Meolle

      this name is not in your list of works cited? cite source, please

    8. how do animals differ from humans

      punctuate as a question?

    9. is animal testing, people d

      note comma fault, here and elsewhere (comma used like period)

    10. Do animals experience trauma from abandonment? Do animals even have emotions?

      two very different questions. no?

    11. Admin. “Which Animals Are Used.” American Anti-Vivisection Society, aavs.org/animals-science/animals-used/.

      Works Cited

      author? date of publication?

      Please add three peer reviewed sources from databases and the required interview

    12. says,

      typo?

    13. This assignment reminded me a lot of previous research papers I’ve done in high school. I had to do many research papers in high school on topics that I have chosen so I am familiar with this format. The only difference is that this is not argumentative. I went back and had to edit a lot of wording. I’m not really sure if this essay turned out the way I wanted it to if I’m being completely honest but I did a lot of research and worked hard. I think I was going to broad into the topic and I should’ve narrowed it down more

      Can you provide more detail as to the choices you made between drafts perhaps in response to feedback?

    1. just normal voluntary roles in sports help the children’s mind develop “…number of operational roles has a significant positive effect on well-being” (Wicker)

      good use of source, properly inserted into your sentence

    2. Katelyn Ohashi as an example as why sports at the younger ages are very damaging, “…speaking of tough love, Katelyn Ohashi is a perfect example of this. You may have all seen her floor routine. It has had over 150 million views. And the consensus is, her performance is pure joy. However, when Katelyn came to UCLA, she was broken in body, mind and spirit. She had grown up in a stereotypical, very high-level athletic world, and she was damaged. So when Katelyn came to UCLA her freshman year, she found her inner rebel quite well, to the point where she was no longer able to do gymnastics at the level she was recruited.” (Field)

      a powerful statement

    3. Another thing I looked into a

      Again, see if you can work on developing topic sentences and perhaps tweaking the transitions

    4. doesn’t impact the youth as much.”

      cite source by name?

    5. This topic has even been in my early childhood playing sports so I decided to  interview my dad

      I wonder if you might begin with a topic sentence explicitly stated and then draw from the interview?

    6. When children make mistakes, our job should be not to spin those losses into decorated victories. Instead, Our job is to help kids overcome setbacks over time is more important than a particular win or loss, and to help them graciously congratulate the child who succeeded when they failed. To do that, we need to refuse all the meaningless plastic and tin destined for landfills.” (

      good, thoughtful observation

    7. when you

      why the shift to "you"?

    8. I analyze it the more

      okay--good. Can you spend a little more time writing your analysis of the quotation out?

    9. (skybound

      give author's last name?

    10. I would first like to first start off a quote from the website GoSkybound.com and the article Unhealthy and Healthy Competition

      Could you start this paragraph with your own topic sentence/idea and then use the source as support?

    11. he real question could be asked is American society

      ? fragment

    12. I believe that participation trophies and the competitiveness of America should be settled down alot and that we should just enjoy the sports for what they allow for us as a country.

      remember your purpose in this essay: to inquire and seek answers but not to argue a position

    13. One being just stop giving trophies to kids and only give them to the people who “win”

      not a sentence

    14. opposite solutions to this solution

      I don't follow

    15. Is the idea of participation trophies taxing on people’s mental health? What is the reason people in America are always so competitive?

      two very different question, no?

    16. Taylor, Glenn. “Unhealthy and Healthy Competition – What’s the Difference?” Skybound Coaching & Training, 26 Sept. 2020, goskybound.com/unhealthy-and-healthy-competition/.  Field, Valorie Kondos. “Why Winning Doesn’t Always Equal Success.” TED, www.ted.com/talks/valorie_kondos_field_why_winning_doesn_t_always_equal_success/up-next.  Merryman, Ashley. “Losing is Good for You.” New York Times (1923-Current file), Sep 25     2013, p. 1. ProQuest. Web. 1 Nov. 2020

      popular web sources, I assume Please remember to add three peer reviewed sources from databases and an interview that you'v econducted And alphabetize the list per MLA?

    17. l of my partner’s comments seriously

      can you elaborate on what your partner said?

    18. (final)

      Draft #2?

    1. Though I think some precautions do have to be taken to limit feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness. I would recommend anybody who’s feeling any of the three to reach out to friends and family.

      remember your purpose in this essay, okay?

    2. “Effects of social media on mental health” By The International Journal of Indian Psychology;

      put into Works Cited list rather than here

    3. social media is causing teen anxiety and depression rates to rise rapidly

      please cite source

    4. The obvious solution to continue mental health care within a pandemic is to provide mental health care at a ‘warm’ distance by video-conferencing psychotherapy and internet interventions. A systematic review showed that videoconferencing psychotherapy shows promising results for anxiety and mood disorders, and the evidence-base for therapist-guided internet interventions is even stronger . (“Coronavirus, The ‘black swan’ for mental health care” US National library of Medicine).

      not sure how this quotation supports your point in this paragraph

    5. “Using group conferences as a central communication space provides a means of enabling the groups to socially construct knowledge. Stacey(1999) found that small collaborative groups, when committed to regular online interaction, could learn extremely effectively at a distance. The Students’ process of learning was achieved through collaborative behaviours, from their sharing the diverse perspectives of the other group members, to being able to seek feedback and clarify ideas through the group’s communication, either electronic or through other forms of communication stimulated by the electronic group communication.” (Online interaction impacts on learning, Gail Wilson 2004). T

      I would avoid quoting at length without commentary from you. No need for date in text

    6. In a journal article by Gail Wilson titled “Online interaction impacts on learning”, it

      In her article, Gail Wilson states

    7. For example, in person teaching

      I would probably avoid starting a paragraph with "For example" but instead state a clear topic sentence

    8. This research essay will delve into the question of if online interaction has a positive or negative effect on a person’s physical and mental health in a time where physical, in person communication is limited.

      good, timely question

    9. Sources:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7104190/https://ajet.org.au/index.php/AJET/article/view/1366/736https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp2008017https://stars.library.ucf.edu/honorstheses1990-2015/1684/https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1745691617713052?journalCode=ppsa

      not in MLA format Do you have three peer reviewed articles from databases? a personal interview?

    10. Getting outdoors and getting regular exercise is a great way to starve off the feelings that isolation brings.

      I don't see a postwrite.

    1. you

      why the shift to "you"?

    2. However there are so many ways these girls and anyone for that matter can be affected. It’s a tragedy that not only do these people have to live with the trauma and psychological aspects but are more prone to developing eating disorders, smoking, using substances such as drugs and alcohol that can seriously strain and damage their heart and lungs as well. 

      not quite sure how this paragraph fits into your question

    3. ll of which are taken very seriously, there’s no disregarding one of the other

      not a sentence

    4. Which brings me onto a more sensitive topic, abuse.

      fragment--try to make this transition a bit smoother, okay?

    5. Most cases of mental illness are due to chemical imbalance on the brain

      I sense a loss of focus and repetititon of points made?

    6. Dr. Emily Deans

      last name sufficient

    7. to let me interview her about her condition and how it has affected her daily life both before and after treatment. 

      please select portions of the interview only and integrate them within your draft

    8.     Statistics show that an estimated 18.1% of people in the United States alone suffer from a mental illness, that’s 43.6 million but why? Why do these people suffer?  Wel

      Remember to start your paragraphs with a topic sentence to help focus your writing

    9. Statistics show that an estimated 18.1% of people

      please cite source

    10. Works Cited:

      personal interview?

    11. “Chemical Imbalance in the Brain: Myths and Facts.” Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326475. “Genetics and Mental Illness.” Google, Google, www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201909/genetics-and-mental-illness?amp. “Mental Health and Mental Disorders.” Mental Health and Mental Disorders | Healthy People 2020, www.healthypeople.gov/2020/topics-objectives/topic/mental-health-and-mental-disorders.

      authors?

    12. Betancourt, Theresa Stichick, and Kashif Tanveer Khan. “The Mental Health of Children Affected by Armed Conflict: Protective Processes and Pathways to Resilience.” International Review of Psychiatry (Abingdon, England), U.S. National Library of Medicine, June 2008, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2613765/.

      I'm pleased to see what looks like a scholarly article. Did you use databases?

    1. One of the common difficulties said to come with the disorder is inconsistent sleepin

      cite source

    2. Her

      typo

    3. (Sonuga-Barke).

      please cite source in sentence in which borrowing occurs. Generally I woujld avoid citing sources only at the end of paragraphs because I can't tell what is actually borrowed

    4. Abidin, R. R.., et al. “Families of Children With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: Review and Recommendations for Future Research.” Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, Kluwer Academic Publishers-Plenum Publishers, 1 Jan. 1986, link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1017592030434. Biederman, Joseph, et al. “Does Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Impact the Developmental Course of Drug and Alcohol Abuse and Dependence?” Biological Psychiatry, Elsevier, 1 Dec. 1998, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S000632239700406X. Cox, Daniel J., et al. “Impact of Methylphenidate Delivery Profiles on Driving Performance of Adolescents With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Pilot Study.” Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Elsevier, 4 Jan. 2010, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0890856709660445.

      Works Cited

      I am pleased to see peer reviewed articles from databases I don't see the interview you conducted cited or listed

    5. The interview that I will be sharing is with a 21-year old male college student who is originally from Peru but has been living in Barcelona for a few years. What is ADHD like? Please describe your main symptoms. Have your symptoms changed since childhood vs. adulthood? When I was an adolescent, my main symptoms were low concentration capacity and hyperactivity (I could not sit for a long time). I was always bored and doing too many things at the same time. I was very impulsive as well and I had problems with my family and friends because I meddled in their activities and conversations. Now I am 21 years old and I notice I have less hyperactivity and I can control more my impulsivity. On the other hand, my concentration is still bad and I need external help in order to improve it (pharmacology). When were you diagnosed with ADHD? By whom? How did you feel about getting the diagnosis? When I was 11 years old, I had very many academic difficulties and the school Psychologist noticed some ADHD symptoms in me. So, she sent me to a specialized psychology center and I was diagnosed with ADHD. This was in Perú, my country, but here in Spain I repeated some tests and I was diagnosed again and the psychologist confirmed the diagnosis. At that time, I felt like the most weird kid in my class because I had to spend  some hours with the School psychologist and do some separate activities from the other children. My classmates asked me all the time where I was going and this bothered me. How does ADHD influence your life? When I was kid it was more difficult because I wanted to be like the other kids and be treated like a “normal” kid at school. I am competitive and I wanted to achieve the same goals as the other kids. Regarding the friendships, it depends because there are times I want to be with friends and there are times I prefer to be alone. Some friends have been angry with me because I didn’t pay attention to them for a long time. What is the worst thing about having ADHD? The worst thing about having ADHD is that people have a lot of prejudices about it and have a lot of incorrect thoughts about what it means. Some people told me that I will become a drug addict because I was taking pills for ADHD, they always think I don’t need the pharmacology. People usually treat me like a lazy person but I am not lazy, I just have low concentration capacity. Sometimes, I believe that I won’t be able to achieve my objectives, I feel like I am not good for anything, and this is the saddest part about ADHD for me. Source of interview: Palacio, Judit. “ADHD Awareness Month: Interview with a Participant.” Mind the Gap Blog, 10 Oct. 2018, mind-the-gap.live/2018/10/09/adhd-awareness-month-interview-participant/.

      This interview either needs to go into an appendix or excerpts need to be integrated within your essay, right?

    1. In the following survey I interviewed a parent of two, ages 14 and 15, in his mid-thirties.

      don't see this cited Please select portions for integration into your essay rather than simply provide Q and A

    2. Analyzing,  video-games which encourage the player to take on a route deemed as criminal in any real-life society as is the case of the notorious  Sleeping Dogs or the Mafia saga, or highly competitive games such as the ultimate GTA V, Fortnite or League of Legends, and any games to do with grouping peoples into certain types of teams, for example, nationality and sports, those last ones all promote negative influences and negative communities, which in turn means that video games should be handled with common sense, respect and care

      not sure I follow