8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2020
    1. For starters

      this transition seems a bit informal to me--more like speaking than writing, no?

    2. Currently due to the global pandemic stakes are high, levels of mental health are elevated in adolescents due to quarantine and the lack of social interaction. I will be discussing whether or not adolescents are more prone to mental health complications, along with what contributes to those complications (not only in regards to the coronavirus and quarantine), and treatments that are found to be the most beneficial. 

      a very helpful introduction--thanks.

    3. Samantha Phillips Rajkumar Jawaharlal Institute of Postgraduate Medical Education and Research (JIPMER), Pondicherry, 605 006, India Josh Tanguay

      These items seem incomplete to me. Why is your name here? And what is Josh doing here? Interview?

    4. Arslan, G., Allen, K. & Ryan, T. Exploring the Impacts of School Belonging on Youth Wellbeing and Mental Health among Turkish Adolescents. Child Ind Res 13, 1619–1635 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-020-09721-z.

      I am so pleased to see that you were able to use databases effectively

    5. o I could clearly organize

      Good--what choices did you make?

    1. Margot Putukian says

      another useful signal phrase

    2. According to Gary Souter, Robin Lewis & Laura Serrant

      There you go: nice signal phrase

    3. Goal setting can be a successful tactic to improve athletic psychology.” (Laura M Miele)

      see earlier comments about using signal phrases

    4. . “Bad moments are part of the process” – we always hear that, and it is inevitable to feel an emotional low after, but it is about how we respond to those bad moments/performances because negative reactions result in negative outcomes. A lot can happen if a positive mindset is not established. All athletes create their own rituals and their own mindset that helps them perform but every athlete also has particular doubts, fears, and/or anxieties about their exhibition on the field. (University of Michigan Depression Center, Athletics and School of Social Work) Believe it or not even the most competent athletes can have a hard time accomplishing career objectives if they don’t have the mental capacity to move forward in the world of sports and which means strength and mental balance can interfere with an athlete’s performance and this happens not only with high-level athletes, but with anyone who practices any sport since muscle tension is a common anxiety symptom. “Athletes who can visualize themselves having success will be successful.” (Laura M Miele)

      This long quotation dominates your writing. Why quote at such length? Why not introduce and integrate the quoted material into your own paragraph/writing?

    5. Peak Performance

      why the caps?

    6. It’s the mind that controls anxiety and strengthens the athlete’s confidence, f

      why not break up this long paragraph? The first wold be an introduction, right?

    7. allow you

      why the shift to "you"?

    8. “Human beings depend on 40% to 60% of the brain to perform daily activities” (Emilio Takase).

      Thanks for quoting from and citing a source but I sense the need for a signal phrase and transition here Citations require last name only in text

    9. but how does it feel for an athlete to manage their performance in sports while they are struggling with their own mental health.

      an interesting question--remember to punctuate as a question

    10. athletes mental state

      athlete's

    11. Putukian, Margot. “Mind, Body and Sport: How Being Injured Affects Mental Health.” NCAA.org – The Official Site of the NCAA, 11 July 2017, www.ncaa.org/sport-science-institute/mind-body-and-sport-how-being-injured-affects-mental-health. Souter, Gary, et al. “Men, Mental Health and Elite Sport: a Narrative Review.” Open, SpringerOpen, 19 Dec. 2018, sportsmedicine-open.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s40798-018-0175-7. Takase, Emilio. Neuroscience of Sport and Exercise. 2005, www.educacaocerebral.com/soft/takase.pdf. Miele, Laura M. “The Effects of Psychology on Athletic Performance.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 12 Jan. 2015, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-whole-athlete/201501/the-effects-psychology-athletic-performance.

      I don't see three peer reviewed articles obtained from a database or an interview that you've conducted

    12. University of Michigan Depression Center, Athletics and School of Social Work. Athletes Connected, 2017, athletesconnected.umich.edu/for-student-athletes/mental-health-performance/.

      not quite in MLA format: author? title of article?

    13. Post Write

      This is helpful thank but take care to answer the questions in the postwrite template, okay?

    14. I used peer-reviewed articles and it was also new for me,

      good to hear

    1. “Drug addiction is something that will always exist, But by eliminating the threat of criminal penalties—and along with it, a great deal of stigma—it has become easier for people to seek treatment.”

      cites source

    2. Overall, I think decriminalization could work

      remember your purpose here: to inform rather than argue, right?

    3. In America 7% of the new HIV cases were from people who inject drugs.

      source?

    4. diseases like HIV and Hepatitis c and b, that are typically contracted by injecting drug users that share needles

      source/evidence?

    5. As a result, the strain the prisons have been dealing with such as, over stretched prison guards, increased violence between prisoners and rising taxes

      I sense that this long paragraph needs a sharper focus and perhaps should be broken up?

    6. was less amounts

      were fewer amounts

    7. less people

      fewer

    8. convicted of trafficking has dropped “50 percent” (Laqueur, Hannah)

      good use of source and citation

    9. Furthermore, I think the decriminalization of drug use could possibly lower the amount of drug related crimes

      I appreciate the effort at transition

    10. So Bob, What introduced you to cocaine? “I was offered it at a party by a guy who sold it and it went on from there.” I

      I would like you to integrate the intervdiww data rather than merely reproduce the Q and A. Select parts of the interview for integration into your paragraphs, using topic sentences to guide how you use the interview excerpts

    11. (Swiss Addiction

      see earlier comments about proper way to cite source per MLA (author's last name in text)

    12. hese are places according to time magazine, where “drug users can consume drugs in safer conditions with the assistance of trained staff.”

      better integration of source but please cite author's last name, per MLA

    13. time magazine

      edit for mechanics: capitalize and italicize magazien title?

    14. Altogether, decimalization tends to help more with keeping teens and young adults

      new paragraph? I'm sensing the need to break this long paragraph up don't you?

    15. European monitoring center for drugs and drug addiction)

      author?

    16. you are

      why the shift to "you"?

    17. found that since 2001 two major improvements have been made “drug use is below the European average…drug use has declined among those aged 15-26 the population most at risk of initiating drug use” (Transform Drug Policy Foundation).

      okay--good. You may need to integrate this quotation more logically in your sentence (using signal phrase?)

    18. Portugal decriminalized drug possession for personal use in 2001. I

      please cite source

    19. With this in mind, I did some research to see if there are any countries that recently legalized drug use to see if this could actually work. Sure enough,

      make new paragraph?

    20. proses

      spelling

    21. decimalization

      decriminalization? Shouldn't you first show us what decriminalization looks like? You've put the cart before the horse, no?

    22. First things first

      This seems more like speaking than writing (at least essay writing)? Want to tweak this transition?

    23. Would Americas’ drug problem be improved if we decriminalized personal drug use?

      okay--this is your quesiton, then?

    24. With approximately 1.8 million people addicted to painkillers, 821 thousand addicted to cocaine, 426 thousand addicted to heroin, 400 thousand addicted to benzodiazepines, 329 thousand addicted to stimulants, 140 thousand addicted to inhalants and 63,600 deaths from overdoses there is no doubt we have room for improvement

      please cite source

    25. It is no secret that America has a drug problem.

      want to start the essay with this bold, dramatic statement?

    26. Sources:

      please label, Works Cited Do you have an interview that. you've conducted?

    27. “Décès Dus à La Consommation D’opioïdes En Suisse – Faits Et Chiffres.” Addictionsuisse.ch, 6 June 2020, faits-chiffres.addictionsuisse.ch/fr/opioides/consequences/injections-mortalite.html. “Drug Decriminalisation in Portugal: Setting the Record Straight.” Transform Drug Policy Foundation, John Ellerman Foundation, Glass-House Trust, Network for Social Change, 21 May 2020, transformdrugs.org/drug-decriminalisation-in-portugal-setting-the-record-straight/.

      Do you have authors for these two sources?

    28. Caulkins, Johnathan and Sevigny, Eric. “How Many People Does The U.S. Imprison For Drug Use, And Who Are They”. 2005. PDF file. http://web.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=6&sid=1ebb1aec-c11a-40b9-bad7-136672d666a4%40pdc-v-sessmgr02

      Glad to see you use a database. Do you have the name of the journal?

    29. Post Write:

      This is helpful but please use the postwrite template

    30. defiantly

      definitely

  2. naya202018.edublogs.org naya202018.edublogs.org
    Major Assignment #2 Draft #2 My main question is, Why do we use google and why it could possibly be making us stupid? My answer would be yes and no. The reason I say no is because we use google to search for things we need to know such as projects, or something interesting, or by most cases something to do. The reason I say yes is we can create our own entertainment by doing stuff that we love and do on a daily basis, with google, it messes that up as we start to depend on it too much for our liking and think that it’s our source of entertainment, when google isn’t always the answer. Google can give a few variety of info until then, it can’t entertain you or give you any advice as it’s not a person or a vehicle. It’s only a searching website. “I can feel it, too. Over the past few years I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory. My mind isn’t going—so far as I can tell—but it’s changing.” This is talking about how the author is saying how he looked something on Google and he feels the change in his brain and how his mind is changing throughout the process of always being on Google. “I think I know what’s going on. For more than a decade now, I’ve been spending a lot of time online, searching and surfing and sometimes adding to the great databases of the Internet. The Web has been a godsend to me as a writer.” This tells us how he knows what’s going on with his mindset and how long it has been. He spends a lot of time online looking for stuff to read off of and adding databases of the Internet and how he found a Website to read and write off of. Which is Google. “Bruce Friedman, who blogs regularly about the use of computers in medicine, also has described how the Internet has altered his mental habits.” This talks about how he looked up a person that has blogs on a daily basis on the computer and he explains how the internet has changed his mental state. Google change Bruce Friedman’s mental state by always being on the internet 24/7. “They typically read no more than one or two pages of an article or book before they would “bounce” out to another site.” This talks about how the person who searches for something to read off on, that they won’t stay on a website for more than 10 minutes but they will go onto a different website for reading another article if they get “bored” out or “not interested” in the article they were reading previously. “His vision was failing, and keeping his eyes focused on a page had become exhausting and painful, often bringing on crushing headaches.” This explains how another man that was always on the internet and never would give himself breaks, would have his vision fail on him and have constant headaches every day due to looking at screen for too long. The internet can bring a lot of exhaustion and painful eye pain and migraines if your not giving your mental state a break for a couple of minutes. “The human brain is almost infinitely malleable. People used to think that our mental meshwork, the dense connections formed among the 100 billion or so neurons inside our skulls, was largely fixed by the time we reached adulthood. But brain researchers have discovered that that’s not the case. James Olds, a professor of neuroscience who directs the Krasnow Institute for Advanced Study at George Mason University, says that even the adult mind “is very plastic.” Nerve cells routinely break old connections and form new ones. “The brain,” according to Olds, “has the ability to reprogram itself on the fly, altering the way it functions.”” This talks and explains how the human brain can only take up for so much until the neurons are warning you to get off the internet for a little while, when a Professor of neuroscience says that’s not the case as the adult mind is very plastic and you have to give your brain a break after being on the internet for a long period of time and how the nerve cells need a break in order to create news ones after the old ones were used up. “Still, their easy assumption that we’d all “be better off” if our brains were supplemented, or even replaced, by an artificial intelligence is unsettling.” This explains how our brains are better off without using Google everyday as a main source of entertainment and a main source of finding something to do as it can put an impact on human intelligence and mental state. So overall we use Google to search for things and needing info on something, there are cases where go way beyond that and end up having a negative impact on their mental state and intelligence. Google isn’t a dating, picture posting, or a cooking site to always be on 24/7. It’s just a website to search for stuff you want to know or need info on. So is it making us stupid? Not necessarily, it’s only putting an impact that can be fixed if you give your mental state a break, there’s never really such thing as a “stupid person” just someone that has believed things that aren’t educational or true on the internet. So it’s only good for various of reason, just use Google when it’s the right time, not everyday. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/is-google-making-us-stupid/306868/ Nayalique – Blogs
    5
    1. “His vision was failing, and keeping his eyes focused on a page had become exhausting and painful, often bringing on crushing headaches.”

      you seem to be merely quoting passages without citing or integrating the sources

    2. “I can feel it, too. Over the past few years I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory. My mind isn’t going—so far as I can tell—but it’s changing.”

      you don't cite your source or use a signal phrase

    3. Why do we use google and why it could possibly be making us stupid?

      why the two questions rather than one question (the second)?

    4. Major Assignment #2 Draft #2

      This draft is very challenging to read: I see only one paragraph! And the font is too large.

    5. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/is-google-making-us-stupid/306868/ Nayalique

      I don't see a full list of works cited in MLA format I don't see a post write

    1. Right now, this disease caused by the novel coronavirus can other organs in the body including the heart.

      again, the writing here really requires editing. And you are not citing your sources

    2. Which causes illness in the respiratory system and the primary symptoms of the coronavirus disease can be developed 4 to 14 days.

      this paragraph requires editing for mechanics but as importantly doesn't seem to have a clear focus. I wish you'd introduced your subject before diving in.

    3. infection disease.

      edit for grammar: infectious

    4. How Does COVID-19 Affects the Body in Various Ways

      edit for subject/verb agreement

    5. Challenges and burden of the Coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic for child and adolescent mental health: a narrative review for to highlight clinical and research needs in the acute phase and the long return to normality

      I aww that your quoting a source without using quotation marks or citing a source: this is plagiarism.

      I've stopped reading because I won't be able to tell what is yours from what is your source's.

    6. work Cited:

      Works Cited personal interview?

    7. “Long-Term Effects of COVID-19.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects.html.

      author? date of publication?

    8. Together, we all can bring on end to this pandemic.

      I don't see a post write.

    1. I believe that it’s important

      remember your purpose

    2. w research in animals suggests.” Chronic stress is a stress that results from repeated exposure to situations that lead to the release of stress hormones, causing wear and tear on your mind and body. Stress is known to lead to inflammation which can cause neuroinflammation. “Stress is known to lead to inflammation, which prompts an immune response to protect against inflammation’s harmful effects. Based on what they already know about compromised brain signaling in rats stressed during pregnancy, the scientists suspect the immune cells in the brain responding to stress may be involved. If that’s the case, the immune changes may create circumstances in the brain that increase susceptibility to depression.”

      notice how you lose control of this paragraph--filled and ending with quotation. I would recommend beginning and ending paragraphs with your own words.

    3. In this article Ohio State University. “New way to think about brain’s link to postpartum depression: Research in animals shows brain’s immune system is activated by stress during pregnancy.”

      see earlier comment about topic sentences

    4. https://theemilyeffect.org/emilys-story/ and https://www.ksl.com/article/39841410/the-emily-effect-family-rises-from-tragedy-in-effort-to-help-struggling-mothers.

      not MLA format

    5. Coming from the husband point of view.

      not a sentence

    6. I would like share Emily’s story

      new paragraph? transition? I'm not sure how we got to her story.

    7. helps you re

      why the shift to "you"?

    8. Another source I found was https://youtu.be/BGAClqA4F04 Megan Johnson a therapist speaking on understanding and recognizing the difference between

      see my earlier comment about the need for topic sentences. Right now this seems like a review or your sources (Short Assignment 7) rather than an essay. See the difference? Organize your draft essay around ideas rather than sources, right?

    9. n my Opinion to this is if this is supposed to help us with our depression then it shouldn’t e

      remember your purpose, okay: to inform rather than to argue a position

    10. “Both untreated and antenatal antidepressant exposure present increased risks of neurodevelopmental pathologies.” “Preliminary data indicate neurodevelopmental delays, behavioral and cardiac abnormalities, and altered levels of both the brain and the heart markers in the offspring of stressed dams. Furthermore, the preliminary data predict that maternal pregnancy during the perinatal period is likely to impact the neurodevelopmental process in a sex-dependent manner.”

      please use signal phrases, cite author, and integrate within your paragraph more smoothly?

    11. ome of the sources I found on my question “how does postpartum affects the neurodevelopment and What or how it triggers depression?” Is Physiology & Behavior Volume 199, 1 February 2019, Pages 258-264 Editors-in-Chief:

      A good source but I might suggest that you put all this information into your list of Works Cited and use only the authors (cited) in your sentence. Also: you should probably begin the paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea in your own words, right?

    12. What or how it triggers depression

      can you rephrase? not sure i follow

    13. Having said that,

      should be followed with "I"?

    14. Never understood why because I don’t have any history of mental health issues as well as depression.

      not quite a sentence

    15. Both resulting in mothers suffering from depression for a period of time.

      not a sentence

    16. “depression affecting a woman after giving birth; postnatal depression”, and 10-15% suffer from postpartum which is more serious.

      cite source please

    17. Postpartum doesn’t get the attention it needs nor talked about enough.

      interesting--why do you think that is?

    18. Work Cited:

      don't see three peer reviewed articles an interview that you've conducted

    19. New way to think about brain’s link to postpartum depression: Research in animals shows brain’s immune system is activated by stress during pregnancy.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 21 October 2019.

      authors?

    20. https://youtu.be/BGAClqA4F04 , https://theemilyeffect.org/emilys-story/  , https://www.ksl.com/article/39841410/the-emily-effect-family-rises-from-tragedy-in-effort-to-help-struggling-mothers

      not in MLA format

    1. Dealing with the unforeseen challenges caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a significant toll on people all across the world

      This is a direct quotation from a source (don't see the author's name on the source) without using quotation marks. This is plagiarism. I am stopping my reading here because I cannot be certain that what I read from here on is yours or someone else's words. We should talk asap.

    2. (Cohut 2020)

      In MLA, last name for in-text is enough. This is APA format, I believe

    3. “How has the coronavirus pandemic affected the economy and life of the world as a whole?”

      okay--good. You are asking your research question clearly.

    4. https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2020/05/20/pandemic-may-forever-change-worlds-cities/ https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/26/6/20-0251_article https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covid-19-global-impact-how-the-coronavirus-is-affecting-the-world

      not in MLA format--hard to tell what kind of sources you have here or to establish source credibility. I'm pretty sure I don't see three peer reviewed sources obtained from a database, nor do I see an interview that you've conducted.

    1. used dance to pull himself out of the struggles of bipolar disorder. 

      fascinating

    2. (Harvard Medical School)

      author's last name only in text

    3. In addition to releasing feel-good hormones such as serotonin, dance is also responsible for the neuroplasticity of the brain, or the ability of the brain to make new neural connections and re-map networks and synapses

      Begin new paragraph?

    4. Dancing regularly improves one’s mental health through the exchange and release of hormones in the brain and causes people’s thoughts to become more optimistic

      good topic sentence

    5. dancing also improves one’s mental health through the release of hormones and the re-directing of negative thoughts.  

      helpful transition

    6. Not only does dancing help with physical activity, it also helps to “train your body to let go of what might be using anxiety or stress,”

      Begin new paragraph?

    7. n a study conducted by J.R. O’Neill, R.R. Pate, and S.P. Hooker

      helpful signal phrase

    8. y’s world, therefore,

      note comma fault: there should be either a period or semicolon after "world," no?

    9.  In fact, dance “should be investigated as an alternative way for preventing overweight, obesity and other cardiovascular risk factors associated with sedentary behavior” (dos Santos, Queiroz, and Rodrigues-Krause)

      good use of quotation and thanks for citing source

    10. Overall, dancing benefits the body by increasing physical activity and cardiovascular endurance, and helps the brain by releasing happy hormones and changing one’s way of thinking. 

      good, clear and helpful hypothesis

    11. Dance may also tone down the hormones in one’s brain that are caused by stress and replace them with serotonin

      do you have a source for this or did you already possess this knowledge?

    12. Breathe in, breathe out. Slide across the floor, making shapes with all four limbs that come alive with music. Heart pumping, breathing heavy as the body is pushed to its limits. 

      I like this engaging opening. Nice.

    13. Popp, Whitney. “Evelyn’s Ballet Interview.” Colorado Ballet Academy, 23 October 2020. 

      your personal interview? good

    14. Harvard Medical School. “Dancing and the Brain.” Neurobiology, Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute, 2020, neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain/dancing-and-brain. Accessed 19 October 2020. 

      I see--this may count as your third peer reviewed source.

    15. Dos Santos, Gabriela Cristina, Jéssica do Nascimento Queiroz, Josianne Rodrigues-Krause.   “Effects of dancing on physical activity levels of children and adolescents: A systematic review.” Complementary Therapies in Medicine, Vol. 54 2020, 102586. Universidad Federal do Rio Grande do Sul, School of Physical Education, Physiotherapy and Dance, Porto Alegre, RS, Brazil https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/science/article/pii/S0965229920318537 29 March 2020. Accessed 19 October 2020.  Hanvey, Caitlin, and Callie Tepper-Lewis. “Co-Leading for Community Building: A Program   Description of a Dual-Modality Creative Arts Therapy Group in Psychiatric Emergency Care.” Arts in Psychotherapy, vol. 66, Nov. 2019, p. N.PAG. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1016/j.aip.2019.101581. Accessed 15 October 2020. 

      Thanks for these two peer reviewed sources obtained from databases (a third on the way?).

    16. s my topic and question clear and consistent throughout the whole essay? Do I need to cut back on some information to make my essay more concise? Is my essay too persuasive or biased for a research essay?

      all good questions

    17. I also needed to reflect on my dedication to my topic, because at times I felt myself drifting from my topic and needed to re-establish my interest in my topic through reflection.

      nice observation

    18. I actually liked using the databases provided for us, because I was able to find quality information that directly supported my questions.

      I am very pleased to hear this--students often struggle with databases

    19. I had to present my findings to my entire class (which was a little more stressful than this project).

      puts things into perspective!

    1. Hana Pavlickova explains in an article how self-esteem is an issue when it comes to BD

      transition needed?

    2. There are plenty of challenges when it comes to Bipolar disorder.

      I wonder if you might revise this topic sentence/transition: to be more precise?

    3. It is said that many girls and women who suffer from BD attempt suicide.

      cite source?

    4. But BD is highly treatable,

      not sure of the transition's logic here

    5. plenty of treatment are known

      treatments?

    6. is not cure

      is no cure

    7. r persons.

      person's

    8. Melinda Smith speaks

      I appreciate the signal phrase/citation

    9. Works Cited: 

      glad to see peer reviewed sources please add interview

    10. authors, All, and Roger S Roger S. McIntyre & Joseph R. Calabrese. “Bipolar Depression: the Clinical Characteristics and Unmet Needs of a Complex Disorder.” Taylor & Francis, 5 Aug

      alphabetize in Works Cited list

    1. During the Covid-19 pandemic recent evidence has popped up that show’s us a little more about how these regimes keep control. “Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-ocha of Thailand has assumed the authority to impose curfews and censor the news media. Journalists there have been sued and intimidated for criticizing the government’s response to the outbreak.” Gebrekidan, Selam. “For Autocrats, and Others, Coronavirus Is a Chance to Grab Even More Power.” Https://Www.Nytimes.Com/#publisher, 14 Apr. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/world/europe/coronavirus-governments-power.html. This evidence from the New York Times sheds some light on how these government deal with other problems too. If they are willing to censor the media now during a time where transparency between nations will help on a global scale. Then they would probably have no problem doing this for any other reason.

      This paragraph seems rushed to me nor does it seem to serve as a conclusion, which should address the question, Why does this matter?

    2. Which brings us to our next question:

      not a sentence

    3. Thus answering our previous question about the effects on the average citizen.

      not a sentence

    4. “Why the Rise of Authoritarianism Is a Global Catastrophe.” The Washington Post, 13 Feb. 2017, www.washingtonpost.com/news/democracy-post/wp/2017/02/13/why-the-rise-of-authoritarianism-is-a-global-catastrophe.

      Use MLA in-text citation format

    5. peoples mental

      people's

    6. n pursuing this goal, the authoritarians have challenged the universality of democracy and sought to erode liberal-democratic norms, replacing them with new counternorms that emphasize ‘state security, civilizational diversity, and traditional values’.” Au

      a difficulty passage: please elaborate and clarify

    7. your not

      you're: why the shift to "you"?

    8. whom

      who

    9. all tough’s

      typo

    10. Authoritarian

      no need to capitalize

    11. So we now know that the economy can play a role in authoritarian regimes taking power. So what else plays a role in this takeover of ideology?

      I appreciate the effort at transition

    12. lives to better.

      typo

    13. where desperate

      typo

    14. Fischer, Conan. Europe Between Democracy and Dictatorship : 1900 – 1945, John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated, 2010.

      use author's last name only for in-text citatiion

    15. depleting for

      depeeting from?

    16. crisis’s i

      crises

    17. it’s

      no apostrophe

    18. this research paper I will talk about how these governments form, what culture leads to them, the context of the world in which it could form, and the effect it has on the world and on it’s people.

      good, helpful opening paragraph

    19. Oxford Languages defines authoritarianism as “the enforcement or advocacy of strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom.”

      useful definition

    20. d like to define the definition

      rephrase for redundancy and lack of precision?

    21. A question that historians and people all around the world have pondered.

      not a sentence, right?

    22. How does Authoritarianism take hold of a society

      a truly important and timely question

    23. it’s Facets

      Its

    24. Gentile, Emilio. “Fascism and the Italian Road to Totalitarianism.” Constellations: An International Journal of Critical & Democratic Theory, vol. 15, no. 3, Sept. 2008, pp. 291–302.

      Did you get this source from a database? If please include database and/or DOI?

    25. “Why the Rise of Authoritarianism Is a Global Catastrophe.” The Washington Post, 13 Feb. 2017, www.washingtonpost.com/news/democracy-post/wp/2017/02/13/why-the-rise-of-authoritarianism-is-a-global-catastrophe “For Autocrats, and Others, Coronavirus Is a Chance to Grab Even More Power.” Https://Www.Nytimes.Com/#publisher, 14 Apr. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/world/europe/coronavirus-governments-power.html

      aurthors?

    26. Authoritarianism Goes Global : The Challenge to Democracy, edited by Larry Diamond, et al., Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016.

      Do you have an author for this source?

    27. , but it is a welcomed chance nonetheless.

      good to know: can you say why?

  3. Oct 2020
    1. How Old Are You?

      useful

      want to add something like, How long have you been at the college?

      1st semester 2-4th semester Longer

    2. How has distance learning affected you emotionally? *

      to be honest, I'm not sure people will be comfortable answering this one--it's very personal.

    3. How Has Coronavirus Affected You?

      Do you retitle this to fit more accurately your subject?

      How has online learning during the pandemic affected you?

    1. Gloria s

      a bit too informal? use last name?

    2. he feels she needs to be a man in order to be taken seriously and heard. For example she says “The struggle is inner: Chicano, indio, American Indian, mojado, mexicano, immigrant Latino, Anglo in power, working class Anglo, Black, Asian–our psyches resemble the border towns and are populated by the same people. The struggle has always been inner, and is played out in outer terrains. Awareness of our situation must come before inner chang

      you seem to be summarizing and quoting her message but not analyze her use of genre, audience, and purpose

    3. How she feels their heritage has to be abandoned in order to live freely and be accepted in America

      note fragment

    4. She is trying to tell the audience

      please identify her audiences precisely

    5. literary genre is a category of literary composition. Genres may be determined by literary technique, tone, content, or length. In the piece “Letter of Birmingham Jail” King wrote while in confinement.

      please identify King's genre, his audience, and his clear purpose (as opposed to his message).

    6. In “a letter from Birmingham jail” King uses ethical and emotional appeals , figurative language , and logical reasoning to appeal to his audience which was intended to be the clergymen. Along with “how to tame a wild tongue “ Gloria uses emotional appeals and figurative language in her speeches.

      helpful opening paragraph but keep your key terms in mind, okay?

    7. letter from Birmingham jail”

      please capitalize major words of titles

    8. While you are writing something in literature you always have to have a reason behind why you are writing it. 

      I don't see a post write or Works Cited list.

    1. all connect somehow

      how so? please be precise

    2. Second the audience is the six clergymen he sent it to. In the letter it states, “My dear fellow clergymen”. This shows his letter is directed at the clergymen

      eight clergyment. Please show ho King connects with that group

    3. his piece of writing is a letter. It is meant to be read by who it is sent to.

      yes--why does King to choose this genre? what's special about it?

    4. the audience are Chicano people and Americans.

      try to be more accurate: Chicanas and English-speakers Remember that Anzaldua is American.

    5. er writing is a story.

      you mean narrative? But also essay? memoir? Try to compicate this some more--dive deeper?

    6. This is my analyzation of Billy Collins Commencement Address at Colorado College.

      not sure this is needed?

    7. lly the purpose of his speech is to tell the graduates to not fear the future and to live in the present

      try not to confuse purpose and message, okay?

    8. First The genre of Billy Collins Commencement Address is a speech

      more precisely--a commencement speech

      And can you describe what is typical about the genre and then how Collins play with it?

    9. Second the audience he is trying to reach with his speech are the students graduating that the speech was made for and the faculty and family attending. In his speech he said, “President Celeste, Distinguished Faculty, Staff

      yes--good. But can you show how Collins connects with his audience.?

    10. The first piece of writing I will be analyzing Billy Collins Commencement Address at Colorado College use of genre, audience, and purpose.

      not quite a sentence. Please edit.

    11. A genre is a category of artistic composition, as in music or literature, characterized by similarities in form, style, or subject matter

      helpful but you seem to be quoting. Please use quotation marks and cite source. It would be plagiarism otherwise, right?

    12. works of literature

      three works of non-fiction--more precisely

    13. The 3 works

      three works

    14. ollins, Billy. “Commencement Address at Colorado College” https://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf King, Martin Luther, Jr. “Letter from Birmingham Jail” http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document_images/undecided/630416-019.pdf

      label "Works Cited" not bad MLA form but you will need to include dates of publication and alphabetize by author's last name.

    1. specific audience and that was the 8 cler

      good how specifically does King reach out to that audience?

    2. an essay, it is l

      note the comma faults here and elsewhere--using commas like periods

    3. Her purpose is to persuade and inform her audience

      good. Is her audience Anglos, too?

    4. an autobiography

      good

    5. Now it’s the turn of Gloria Anzula with

      see my earlier comment about working on transition/topic sentences

    6. does pretty well connecting with his audience which is a group of college students he does not do that  by only telling some jokes

      good

    7. nd his purpose which is to motivate the recent graduates

      okay--good

    8. commencement speech since he says that at a graduation ceremony like he said  “ This is not the first commencement address I have ever given. But the task of dispensing advice to a group of young strangers,

      okay--good. So what is typical of the genre? How does Collins play with the cliches of the genre?

    9. Let’s begin with Billy Collins and his commencement address,

      I wonder if you might work on this topic sentence/trnsition: it could be more helpful and meaingful

    10. *Genre:The type of writing or the category or how can we describe the writing. *Purpose:This is what the wring is trying to do or the message that it wants to deliver. *Audience:For whom the writing is intended in other words the public of the writing piece.

      cite source It might be helpful to have your own definitions available

    11. Anzula w

      typo

    12. There are a lot of examples o

      Examples of what, exactly?

    13. Writers make all kinds of choices and judgments; they select a  genre in which to compose, they aim to reach a particular audience, and they write with a particular purpose in mind, among other choices.” 

      cite source?

    14. Anzula,Gloria “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” http://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdfCollins,Billy “Commencement Address” http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm King Jr,Martin Luther “Letter from Birmingham Jail” http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document_images/undecided/630416-019.pdf

      close to MLA please include dates of publication Noneed for bullets

    15. Major Assignment #1

      Major Assignment #1, Draft #2

    1. Overall, through these works the theory of writing is looking at your audience to see what genre is most appro

      Can you elaborate on the relationship among these terms and offer your Theory of Writing?

    2. anyone who does not understand what her language means to her

      Anglos? Can you be more precise? Isn't she also addressing Chicanas?

    3. Poetry uses metaphors, alliteration, similes, and hyperboles. This genre is typically used to evoke an understanding of a powerful or controversial message to the audience by appealing to their emotions. Livingston uses many of these rhetorical devices to get his purpose across to his audience. The first instance of this is when he says “As educators, rather than raising your voices Over the rustling of our chains, Take them off” (Livingston 28-30). Li

      nice--good analysis and use of source

    4. his purpose is to show common core and standardized testing does not teach as well as creativity does

      okay--another good topic sentence but try not to confuse purpose with message, okay?

    5. typical commencement

      would it help to say a bit more about what is typical of the genre and how Collins plays with these cliches?

    6. Collins also mentions in a funny way why commencements should not include talking about the future. He says “That dark area below you into which you are about to plummet is… the Future… Of course, many elect to simply avoid the future by going to graduate school, college is the future” (Collins, pg.2). He once again makes a joke about this due to the fact this is also a typical topic in commencement addresses.

      I'm sensing summary here rather than analysis. Perhaps if you used more of our key terms that might help?

    7. is an entertaining speech,

      actually, the genre is a commencement speech with some poetry included?

      Still--I appreciate the clear topic sentence

    8. He does this to catch the audience’s attention through h

      yes--good

    9. Throughout each of these works, all three key terms are used together. 

      a useful opening paragraph--thanks

    10. category of writing that shares similar rhetorical moves.

      yes but you are quoting from the text--please quote and cite source

    11. Billy Collins Commencement

      try to use apostrophe for ownership: Collins' . . . Livingston's

    12. Bibliography:

      Works Cited

      good MLA form

    13. opriate, then using the correct genre can make the author’s message more appealing to their audience, and by doing so will better help get the author’s message across.

      I don't see a postwrite

  4. sethceng101.weebly.com sethceng101.weebly.com
    1. purpose of her writing this piece of writing was to tell them of their oppression and make a realization with them.

      with whom, exactly? Chicanas? or Anglos?

    2. Her audience differed though as her audience was more directed towards the Chicano Spanish peopl

      okay--good. And Anglos, too?

    3. Her genre was along the same line

      please be precise: memoir? non-fiction? essay? narrative?

    4. o and also teachers past present and future,

      good. Show evidence to support the claim that he is talking to teachers?

    5. genre of his speech

      Please identify the genres: commencement speech and spoken word poetry. Please show how Livingston uses these genres.