8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2020
    1. Currently due to the global pandemic stakes are high, levels of mental health are elevated in adolescents due to quarantine and the lack of social interaction. I will be discussing whether or not adolescents are more prone to mental health complications, along with what contributes to those complications (not only in regards to the coronavirus and quarantine), and treatments that are found to be the most beneficial. 

      a very helpful introduction--thanks.

    2. Samantha Phillips Rajkumar Jawaharlal Institute of Postgraduate Medical Education and Research (JIPMER), Pondicherry, 605 006, India Josh Tanguay

      These items seem incomplete to me. Why is your name here? And what is Josh doing here? Interview?

    3. Arslan, G., Allen, K. & Ryan, T. Exploring the Impacts of School Belonging on Youth Wellbeing and Mental Health among Turkish Adolescents. Child Ind Res 13, 1619–1635 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-020-09721-z.

      I am so pleased to see that you were able to use databases effectively

    1. . “Bad moments are part of the process” – we always hear that, and it is inevitable to feel an emotional low after, but it is about how we respond to those bad moments/performances because negative reactions result in negative outcomes. A lot can happen if a positive mindset is not established. All athletes create their own rituals and their own mindset that helps them perform but every athlete also has particular doubts, fears, and/or anxieties about their exhibition on the field. (University of Michigan Depression Center, Athletics and School of Social Work) Believe it or not even the most competent athletes can have a hard time accomplishing career objectives if they don’t have the mental capacity to move forward in the world of sports and which means strength and mental balance can interfere with an athlete’s performance and this happens not only with high-level athletes, but with anyone who practices any sport since muscle tension is a common anxiety symptom. “Athletes who can visualize themselves having success will be successful.” (Laura M Miele)

      This long quotation dominates your writing. Why quote at such length? Why not introduce and integrate the quoted material into your own paragraph/writing?

    2. It’s the mind that controls anxiety and strengthens the athlete’s confidence, f

      why not break up this long paragraph? The first wold be an introduction, right?

    3. “Human beings depend on 40% to 60% of the brain to perform daily activities” (Emilio Takase).

      Thanks for quoting from and citing a source but I sense the need for a signal phrase and transition here Citations require last name only in text

    4. but how does it feel for an athlete to manage their performance in sports while they are struggling with their own mental health.

      an interesting question--remember to punctuate as a question

    5. Putukian, Margot. “Mind, Body and Sport: How Being Injured Affects Mental Health.” NCAA.org – The Official Site of the NCAA, 11 July 2017, www.ncaa.org/sport-science-institute/mind-body-and-sport-how-being-injured-affects-mental-health. Souter, Gary, et al. “Men, Mental Health and Elite Sport: a Narrative Review.” Open, SpringerOpen, 19 Dec. 2018, sportsmedicine-open.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s40798-018-0175-7. Takase, Emilio. Neuroscience of Sport and Exercise. 2005, www.educacaocerebral.com/soft/takase.pdf. Miele, Laura M. “The Effects of Psychology on Athletic Performance.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 12 Jan. 2015, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-whole-athlete/201501/the-effects-psychology-athletic-performance.

      I don't see three peer reviewed articles obtained from a database or an interview that you've conducted

    6. University of Michigan Depression Center, Athletics and School of Social Work. Athletes Connected, 2017, athletesconnected.umich.edu/for-student-athletes/mental-health-performance/.

      not quite in MLA format: author? title of article?

    1. “Drug addiction is something that will always exist, But by eliminating the threat of criminal penalties—and along with it, a great deal of stigma—it has become easier for people to seek treatment.”

      cites source

    2. As a result, the strain the prisons have been dealing with such as, over stretched prison guards, increased violence between prisoners and rising taxes

      I sense that this long paragraph needs a sharper focus and perhaps should be broken up?

    3. Furthermore, I think the decriminalization of drug use could possibly lower the amount of drug related crimes

      I appreciate the effort at transition

    4. So Bob, What introduced you to cocaine? “I was offered it at a party by a guy who sold it and it went on from there.” I

      I would like you to integrate the intervdiww data rather than merely reproduce the Q and A. Select parts of the interview for integration into your paragraphs, using topic sentences to guide how you use the interview excerpts

    5. hese are places according to time magazine, where “drug users can consume drugs in safer conditions with the assistance of trained staff.”

      better integration of source but please cite author's last name, per MLA

    6. Altogether, decimalization tends to help more with keeping teens and young adults

      new paragraph? I'm sensing the need to break this long paragraph up don't you?

    7. found that since 2001 two major improvements have been made “drug use is below the European average…drug use has declined among those aged 15-26 the population most at risk of initiating drug use” (Transform Drug Policy Foundation).

      okay--good. You may need to integrate this quotation more logically in your sentence (using signal phrase?)

    8. With this in mind, I did some research to see if there are any countries that recently legalized drug use to see if this could actually work. Sure enough,

      make new paragraph?

    9. With approximately 1.8 million people addicted to painkillers, 821 thousand addicted to cocaine, 426 thousand addicted to heroin, 400 thousand addicted to benzodiazepines, 329 thousand addicted to stimulants, 140 thousand addicted to inhalants and 63,600 deaths from overdoses there is no doubt we have room for improvement

      please cite source

    10. “Décès Dus à La Consommation D’opioïdes En Suisse – Faits Et Chiffres.” Addictionsuisse.ch, 6 June 2020, faits-chiffres.addictionsuisse.ch/fr/opioides/consequences/injections-mortalite.html. “Drug Decriminalisation in Portugal: Setting the Record Straight.” Transform Drug Policy Foundation, John Ellerman Foundation, Glass-House Trust, Network for Social Change, 21 May 2020, transformdrugs.org/drug-decriminalisation-in-portugal-setting-the-record-straight/.

      Do you have authors for these two sources?

    11. Caulkins, Johnathan and Sevigny, Eric. “How Many People Does The U.S. Imprison For Drug Use, And Who Are They”. 2005. PDF file. http://web.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=6&sid=1ebb1aec-c11a-40b9-bad7-136672d666a4%40pdc-v-sessmgr02

      Glad to see you use a database. Do you have the name of the journal?

  2. naya202018.edublogs.org naya202018.edublogs.org
    Major Assignment #2 Draft #2 My main question is, Why do we use google and why it could possibly be making us stupid? My answer would be yes and no. The reason I say no is because we use google to search for things we need to know such as projects, or something interesting, or by most cases something to do. The reason I say yes is we can create our own entertainment by doing stuff that we love and do on a daily basis, with google, it messes that up as we start to depend on it too much for our liking and think that it’s our source of entertainment, when google isn’t always the answer. Google can give a few variety of info until then, it can’t entertain you or give you any advice as it’s not a person or a vehicle. It’s only a searching website. “I can feel it, too. Over the past few years I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory. My mind isn’t going—so far as I can tell—but it’s changing.” This is talking about how the author is saying how he looked something on Google and he feels the change in his brain and how his mind is changing throughout the process of always being on Google. “I think I know what’s going on. For more than a decade now, I’ve been spending a lot of time online, searching and surfing and sometimes adding to the great databases of the Internet. The Web has been a godsend to me as a writer.” This tells us how he knows what’s going on with his mindset and how long it has been. He spends a lot of time online looking for stuff to read off of and adding databases of the Internet and how he found a Website to read and write off of. Which is Google. “Bruce Friedman, who blogs regularly about the use of computers in medicine, also has described how the Internet has altered his mental habits.” This talks about how he looked up a person that has blogs on a daily basis on the computer and he explains how the internet has changed his mental state. Google change Bruce Friedman’s mental state by always being on the internet 24/7. “They typically read no more than one or two pages of an article or book before they would “bounce” out to another site.” This talks about how the person who searches for something to read off on, that they won’t stay on a website for more than 10 minutes but they will go onto a different website for reading another article if they get “bored” out or “not interested” in the article they were reading previously. “His vision was failing, and keeping his eyes focused on a page had become exhausting and painful, often bringing on crushing headaches.” This explains how another man that was always on the internet and never would give himself breaks, would have his vision fail on him and have constant headaches every day due to looking at screen for too long. The internet can bring a lot of exhaustion and painful eye pain and migraines if your not giving your mental state a break for a couple of minutes. “The human brain is almost infinitely malleable. People used to think that our mental meshwork, the dense connections formed among the 100 billion or so neurons inside our skulls, was largely fixed by the time we reached adulthood. But brain researchers have discovered that that’s not the case. James Olds, a professor of neuroscience who directs the Krasnow Institute for Advanced Study at George Mason University, says that even the adult mind “is very plastic.” Nerve cells routinely break old connections and form new ones. “The brain,” according to Olds, “has the ability to reprogram itself on the fly, altering the way it functions.”” This talks and explains how the human brain can only take up for so much until the neurons are warning you to get off the internet for a little while, when a Professor of neuroscience says that’s not the case as the adult mind is very plastic and you have to give your brain a break after being on the internet for a long period of time and how the nerve cells need a break in order to create news ones after the old ones were used up. “Still, their easy assumption that we’d all “be better off” if our brains were supplemented, or even replaced, by an artificial intelligence is unsettling.” This explains how our brains are better off without using Google everyday as a main source of entertainment and a main source of finding something to do as it can put an impact on human intelligence and mental state. So overall we use Google to search for things and needing info on something, there are cases where go way beyond that and end up having a negative impact on their mental state and intelligence. Google isn’t a dating, picture posting, or a cooking site to always be on 24/7. It’s just a website to search for stuff you want to know or need info on. So is it making us stupid? Not necessarily, it’s only putting an impact that can be fixed if you give your mental state a break, there’s never really such thing as a “stupid person” just someone that has believed things that aren’t educational or true on the internet. So it’s only good for various of reason, just use Google when it’s the right time, not everyday. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/is-google-making-us-stupid/306868/ Nayalique – Blogs
    5
    1. “His vision was failing, and keeping his eyes focused on a page had become exhausting and painful, often bringing on crushing headaches.”

      you seem to be merely quoting passages without citing or integrating the sources

    2. “I can feel it, too. Over the past few years I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory. My mind isn’t going—so far as I can tell—but it’s changing.”

      you don't cite your source or use a signal phrase

    3. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/is-google-making-us-stupid/306868/ Nayalique

      I don't see a full list of works cited in MLA format I don't see a post write

    1. Right now, this disease caused by the novel coronavirus can other organs in the body including the heart.

      again, the writing here really requires editing. And you are not citing your sources

    2. Which causes illness in the respiratory system and the primary symptoms of the coronavirus disease can be developed 4 to 14 days.

      this paragraph requires editing for mechanics but as importantly doesn't seem to have a clear focus. I wish you'd introduced your subject before diving in.

    3. Challenges and burden of the Coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic for child and adolescent mental health: a narrative review for to highlight clinical and research needs in the acute phase and the long return to normality

      I aww that your quoting a source without using quotation marks or citing a source: this is plagiarism.

      I've stopped reading because I won't be able to tell what is yours from what is your source's.

    4. “Long-Term Effects of COVID-19.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects.html.

      author? date of publication?

    1. w research in animals suggests.” Chronic stress is a stress that results from repeated exposure to situations that lead to the release of stress hormones, causing wear and tear on your mind and body. Stress is known to lead to inflammation which can cause neuroinflammation. “Stress is known to lead to inflammation, which prompts an immune response to protect against inflammation’s harmful effects. Based on what they already know about compromised brain signaling in rats stressed during pregnancy, the scientists suspect the immune cells in the brain responding to stress may be involved. If that’s the case, the immune changes may create circumstances in the brain that increase susceptibility to depression.”

      notice how you lose control of this paragraph--filled and ending with quotation. I would recommend beginning and ending paragraphs with your own words.

    2. In this article Ohio State University. “New way to think about brain’s link to postpartum depression: Research in animals shows brain’s immune system is activated by stress during pregnancy.”

      see earlier comment about topic sentences

    3. https://theemilyeffect.org/emilys-story/ and https://www.ksl.com/article/39841410/the-emily-effect-family-rises-from-tragedy-in-effort-to-help-struggling-mothers.

      not MLA format

    4. Another source I found was https://youtu.be/BGAClqA4F04 Megan Johnson a therapist speaking on understanding and recognizing the difference between

      see my earlier comment about the need for topic sentences. Right now this seems like a review or your sources (Short Assignment 7) rather than an essay. See the difference? Organize your draft essay around ideas rather than sources, right?

    5. n my Opinion to this is if this is supposed to help us with our depression then it shouldn’t e

      remember your purpose, okay: to inform rather than to argue a position

    6. “Both untreated and antenatal antidepressant exposure present increased risks of neurodevelopmental pathologies.” “Preliminary data indicate neurodevelopmental delays, behavioral and cardiac abnormalities, and altered levels of both the brain and the heart markers in the offspring of stressed dams. Furthermore, the preliminary data predict that maternal pregnancy during the perinatal period is likely to impact the neurodevelopmental process in a sex-dependent manner.”

      please use signal phrases, cite author, and integrate within your paragraph more smoothly?

    7. ome of the sources I found on my question “how does postpartum affects the neurodevelopment and What or how it triggers depression?” Is Physiology & Behavior Volume 199, 1 February 2019, Pages 258-264 Editors-in-Chief:

      A good source but I might suggest that you put all this information into your list of Works Cited and use only the authors (cited) in your sentence. Also: you should probably begin the paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea in your own words, right?

    8. “depression affecting a woman after giving birth; postnatal depression”, and 10-15% suffer from postpartum which is more serious.

      cite source please

    9. New way to think about brain’s link to postpartum depression: Research in animals shows brain’s immune system is activated by stress during pregnancy.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 21 October 2019.

      authors?

    10. https://youtu.be/BGAClqA4F04 , https://theemilyeffect.org/emilys-story/  , https://www.ksl.com/article/39841410/the-emily-effect-family-rises-from-tragedy-in-effort-to-help-struggling-mothers

      not in MLA format

    1. Dealing with the unforeseen challenges caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a significant toll on people all across the world

      This is a direct quotation from a source (don't see the author's name on the source) without using quotation marks. This is plagiarism. I am stopping my reading here because I cannot be certain that what I read from here on is yours or someone else's words. We should talk asap.

    2. “How has the coronavirus pandemic affected the economy and life of the world as a whole?”

      okay--good. You are asking your research question clearly.

    3. https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2020/05/20/pandemic-may-forever-change-worlds-cities/ https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/26/6/20-0251_article https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covid-19-global-impact-how-the-coronavirus-is-affecting-the-world

      not in MLA format--hard to tell what kind of sources you have here or to establish source credibility. I'm pretty sure I don't see three peer reviewed sources obtained from a database, nor do I see an interview that you've conducted.

    1. In addition to releasing feel-good hormones such as serotonin, dance is also responsible for the neuroplasticity of the brain, or the ability of the brain to make new neural connections and re-map networks and synapses

      Begin new paragraph?

    2. Dancing regularly improves one’s mental health through the exchange and release of hormones in the brain and causes people’s thoughts to become more optimistic

      good topic sentence

    3. dancing also improves one’s mental health through the release of hormones and the re-directing of negative thoughts.  

      helpful transition

    4. Not only does dancing help with physical activity, it also helps to “train your body to let go of what might be using anxiety or stress,”

      Begin new paragraph?

    5.  In fact, dance “should be investigated as an alternative way for preventing overweight, obesity and other cardiovascular risk factors associated with sedentary behavior” (dos Santos, Queiroz, and Rodrigues-Krause)

      good use of quotation and thanks for citing source

    6. Overall, dancing benefits the body by increasing physical activity and cardiovascular endurance, and helps the brain by releasing happy hormones and changing one’s way of thinking. 

      good, clear and helpful hypothesis

    7. Dance may also tone down the hormones in one’s brain that are caused by stress and replace them with serotonin

      do you have a source for this or did you already possess this knowledge?

    8. Breathe in, breathe out. Slide across the floor, making shapes with all four limbs that come alive with music. Heart pumping, breathing heavy as the body is pushed to its limits. 

      I like this engaging opening. Nice.

    9. Harvard Medical School. “Dancing and the Brain.” Neurobiology, Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute, 2020, neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain/dancing-and-brain. Accessed 19 October 2020. 

      I see--this may count as your third peer reviewed source.

    10. Dos Santos, Gabriela Cristina, Jéssica do Nascimento Queiroz, Josianne Rodrigues-Krause.   “Effects of dancing on physical activity levels of children and adolescents: A systematic review.” Complementary Therapies in Medicine, Vol. 54 2020, 102586. Universidad Federal do Rio Grande do Sul, School of Physical Education, Physiotherapy and Dance, Porto Alegre, RS, Brazil https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxybrcc.helmlib.org/science/article/pii/S0965229920318537 29 March 2020. Accessed 19 October 2020.  Hanvey, Caitlin, and Callie Tepper-Lewis. “Co-Leading for Community Building: A Program   Description of a Dual-Modality Creative Arts Therapy Group in Psychiatric Emergency Care.” Arts in Psychotherapy, vol. 66, Nov. 2019, p. N.PAG. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1016/j.aip.2019.101581. Accessed 15 October 2020. 

      Thanks for these two peer reviewed sources obtained from databases (a third on the way?).

    11. s my topic and question clear and consistent throughout the whole essay? Do I need to cut back on some information to make my essay more concise? Is my essay too persuasive or biased for a research essay?

      all good questions

    12. I also needed to reflect on my dedication to my topic, because at times I felt myself drifting from my topic and needed to re-establish my interest in my topic through reflection.

      nice observation

    13. I actually liked using the databases provided for us, because I was able to find quality information that directly supported my questions.

      I am very pleased to hear this--students often struggle with databases

    1. There are plenty of challenges when it comes to Bipolar disorder.

      I wonder if you might revise this topic sentence/transition: to be more precise?

    2. authors, All, and Roger S Roger S. McIntyre & Joseph R. Calabrese. “Bipolar Depression: the Clinical Characteristics and Unmet Needs of a Complex Disorder.” Taylor & Francis, 5 Aug

      alphabetize in Works Cited list

    1. During the Covid-19 pandemic recent evidence has popped up that show’s us a little more about how these regimes keep control. “Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-ocha of Thailand has assumed the authority to impose curfews and censor the news media. Journalists there have been sued and intimidated for criticizing the government’s response to the outbreak.” Gebrekidan, Selam. “For Autocrats, and Others, Coronavirus Is a Chance to Grab Even More Power.” Https://Www.Nytimes.Com/#publisher, 14 Apr. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/world/europe/coronavirus-governments-power.html. This evidence from the New York Times sheds some light on how these government deal with other problems too. If they are willing to censor the media now during a time where transparency between nations will help on a global scale. Then they would probably have no problem doing this for any other reason.

      This paragraph seems rushed to me nor does it seem to serve as a conclusion, which should address the question, Why does this matter?

    2. “Why the Rise of Authoritarianism Is a Global Catastrophe.” The Washington Post, 13 Feb. 2017, www.washingtonpost.com/news/democracy-post/wp/2017/02/13/why-the-rise-of-authoritarianism-is-a-global-catastrophe.

      Use MLA in-text citation format

    3. n pursuing this goal, the authoritarians have challenged the universality of democracy and sought to erode liberal-democratic norms, replacing them with new counternorms that emphasize ‘state security, civilizational diversity, and traditional values’.” Au

      a difficulty passage: please elaborate and clarify

    4. So we now know that the economy can play a role in authoritarian regimes taking power. So what else plays a role in this takeover of ideology?

      I appreciate the effort at transition

    5. Fischer, Conan. Europe Between Democracy and Dictatorship : 1900 – 1945, John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated, 2010.

      use author's last name only for in-text citatiion

    6. this research paper I will talk about how these governments form, what culture leads to them, the context of the world in which it could form, and the effect it has on the world and on it’s people.

      good, helpful opening paragraph

    7. Oxford Languages defines authoritarianism as “the enforcement or advocacy of strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom.”

      useful definition

    8. Gentile, Emilio. “Fascism and the Italian Road to Totalitarianism.” Constellations: An International Journal of Critical & Democratic Theory, vol. 15, no. 3, Sept. 2008, pp. 291–302.

      Did you get this source from a database? If please include database and/or DOI?

    9. “Why the Rise of Authoritarianism Is a Global Catastrophe.” The Washington Post, 13 Feb. 2017, www.washingtonpost.com/news/democracy-post/wp/2017/02/13/why-the-rise-of-authoritarianism-is-a-global-catastrophe “For Autocrats, and Others, Coronavirus Is a Chance to Grab Even More Power.” Https://Www.Nytimes.Com/#publisher, 14 Apr. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/03/30/world/europe/coronavirus-governments-power.html

      aurthors?

    10. Authoritarianism Goes Global : The Challenge to Democracy, edited by Larry Diamond, et al., Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016.

      Do you have an author for this source?

  3. Oct 2020
    1. How has distance learning affected you emotionally? *

      to be honest, I'm not sure people will be comfortable answering this one--it's very personal.

    2. How Has Coronavirus Affected You?

      Do you retitle this to fit more accurately your subject?

      How has online learning during the pandemic affected you?

    1. he feels she needs to be a man in order to be taken seriously and heard. For example she says “The struggle is inner: Chicano, indio, American Indian, mojado, mexicano, immigrant Latino, Anglo in power, working class Anglo, Black, Asian–our psyches resemble the border towns and are populated by the same people. The struggle has always been inner, and is played out in outer terrains. Awareness of our situation must come before inner chang

      you seem to be summarizing and quoting her message but not analyze her use of genre, audience, and purpose

    2. literary genre is a category of literary composition. Genres may be determined by literary technique, tone, content, or length. In the piece “Letter of Birmingham Jail” King wrote while in confinement.

      please identify King's genre, his audience, and his clear purpose (as opposed to his message).

    3. In “a letter from Birmingham jail” King uses ethical and emotional appeals , figurative language , and logical reasoning to appeal to his audience which was intended to be the clergymen. Along with “how to tame a wild tongue “ Gloria uses emotional appeals and figurative language in her speeches.

      helpful opening paragraph but keep your key terms in mind, okay?

    4. While you are writing something in literature you always have to have a reason behind why you are writing it. 

      I don't see a post write or Works Cited list.

    1. Second the audience is the six clergymen he sent it to. In the letter it states, “My dear fellow clergymen”. This shows his letter is directed at the clergymen

      eight clergyment. Please show ho King connects with that group

    2. his piece of writing is a letter. It is meant to be read by who it is sent to.

      yes--why does King to choose this genre? what's special about it?

    3. lly the purpose of his speech is to tell the graduates to not fear the future and to live in the present

      try not to confuse purpose and message, okay?

    4. First The genre of Billy Collins Commencement Address is a speech

      more precisely--a commencement speech

      And can you describe what is typical about the genre and then how Collins play with it?

    5. Second the audience he is trying to reach with his speech are the students graduating that the speech was made for and the faculty and family attending. In his speech he said, “President Celeste, Distinguished Faculty, Staff

      yes--good. But can you show how Collins connects with his audience.?

    6. The first piece of writing I will be analyzing Billy Collins Commencement Address at Colorado College use of genre, audience, and purpose.

      not quite a sentence. Please edit.

    7. A genre is a category of artistic composition, as in music or literature, characterized by similarities in form, style, or subject matter

      helpful but you seem to be quoting. Please use quotation marks and cite source. It would be plagiarism otherwise, right?

    8. ollins, Billy. “Commencement Address at Colorado College” https://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf King, Martin Luther, Jr. “Letter from Birmingham Jail” http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document_images/undecided/630416-019.pdf

      label "Works Cited" not bad MLA form but you will need to include dates of publication and alphabetize by author's last name.

    1. commencement speech since he says that at a graduation ceremony like he said  “ This is not the first commencement address I have ever given. But the task of dispensing advice to a group of young strangers,

      okay--good. So what is typical of the genre? How does Collins play with the cliches of the genre?

    2. Let’s begin with Billy Collins and his commencement address,

      I wonder if you might work on this topic sentence/trnsition: it could be more helpful and meaingful

    3. *Genre:The type of writing or the category or how can we describe the writing. *Purpose:This is what the wring is trying to do or the message that it wants to deliver. *Audience:For whom the writing is intended in other words the public of the writing piece.

      cite source It might be helpful to have your own definitions available

    4. Writers make all kinds of choices and judgments; they select a  genre in which to compose, they aim to reach a particular audience, and they write with a particular purpose in mind, among other choices.” 

      cite source?

    5. Anzula,Gloria “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” http://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdfCollins,Billy “Commencement Address” http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm King Jr,Martin Luther “Letter from Birmingham Jail” http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document_images/undecided/630416-019.pdf

      close to MLA please include dates of publication Noneed for bullets

    1. Overall, through these works the theory of writing is looking at your audience to see what genre is most appro

      Can you elaborate on the relationship among these terms and offer your Theory of Writing?

    2. Poetry uses metaphors, alliteration, similes, and hyperboles. This genre is typically used to evoke an understanding of a powerful or controversial message to the audience by appealing to their emotions. Livingston uses many of these rhetorical devices to get his purpose across to his audience. The first instance of this is when he says “As educators, rather than raising your voices Over the rustling of our chains, Take them off” (Livingston 28-30). Li

      nice--good analysis and use of source

    3. his purpose is to show common core and standardized testing does not teach as well as creativity does

      okay--another good topic sentence but try not to confuse purpose with message, okay?

    4. Collins also mentions in a funny way why commencements should not include talking about the future. He says “That dark area below you into which you are about to plummet is… the Future… Of course, many elect to simply avoid the future by going to graduate school, college is the future” (Collins, pg.2). He once again makes a joke about this due to the fact this is also a typical topic in commencement addresses.

      I'm sensing summary here rather than analysis. Perhaps if you used more of our key terms that might help?

    5. is an entertaining speech,

      actually, the genre is a commencement speech with some poetry included?

      Still--I appreciate the clear topic sentence

    6. opriate, then using the correct genre can make the author’s message more appealing to their audience, and by doing so will better help get the author’s message across.

      I don't see a postwrite

  4. sethceng101.weebly.com sethceng101.weebly.com
    1. purpose of her writing this piece of writing was to tell them of their oppression and make a realization with them.

      with whom, exactly? Chicanas? or Anglos?