1,843 Matching Annotations
  1. May 2021
    1. event. 

      There HAS to be a bibliography page somewhere.

    2. also called the Medicine Lodge

      Why call a Dance a Lodge? That doesn't make sense.

    1. No description available.

      Description on the pictures would help.

    2. In the 1850s

      Paragraph.

    3. The Kiowa

      Oh boy, PLEASE break this up into shorter paragraphs.

    1. Gale Academic OneFile. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A491612882/AONE?u=usc&sid=AONE&xid=03610b91.

      You can cut this part. Also, I'd like to see your picture credits either here or in annotations on the pictures.

    2. ALICIA SCHMIDT CAMACHO

      Camacho, Alicia Schmidt.

    1. Deportation from San Diego saw many American born citizens be deported even though many had never been to Mexico before.

      What decade? Wasn't this the 1930s?

    2. Act

      ,

    1. El Paso is a part of Texas and while on the very edge it was still engaged in Jim Crow practices.

      This is all good, but maybe it belongs earlier in the book?

  2. Apr 2021
    1. Seven Sacred Rites

      Also Coby, can you find a pic for the background?

    2. everywhere

      Like the last page I saw, the narrative here is good. Just don't forget the theme of the book. The last paragraph of the page is a good place to circle back to that.

    3. ".

      Period goes inside the quote.

    1. The tradition of the Sun Dance was banned both in Canada and the United States.

      This is where you should tie it back stronger to your overall thesis in the book. The whole westward expansion thing. Be a bit more explicit about it in this paragraph.

    2. Sun Dance

      Looks beautiful, but you caption the pictures.

    1. Apart from the bloody business of war the Mohawk people lived a life of farming and hunting.

      Different thought definitely belongs in this separate paragraph, but does it need its own page?

    2. villages

      Seems like another good opportunity for a picture.

    3. Before European colonists arrived in North America

      That's a lot of time. When exactly does all of this apply?

    4. warriors. 

      7th grade = shorter paragraphs

    5. Known

      New paragraph.

    6. Eastern Door"

      A map somewhere around here seems in order.

    1. Indigenous Tribes & Culture: How Colonialim and Borderlands Affected Tribal Nations

      Missing an "S" here.

    2. Horses have served

      Begin the page with a who what where. Assume the reader knows nothing about the Cheyenne. Break down the ensuing paragraph into multiple paragraphs as the subject changes.

    3. throughout this Scalar

      Don't do this.

    4. Maheo

      Should this be a new page?

    5. Maheo

      Is there a picture?

    6. Maheo

      Paragraph.

    7. Horses

      Horses seem like a strange thing to start the page with.

    1. Mexico was in a state of turmoil both politically and economically.

      Describe the turmoil more.

    2. San Diego and El Paso

      New paragraph. Maybe broaden this a bit.

    3. towns.

      You'll need to link all your pages as a path at somne point.

    1. Table of Contents

      So the Table of Contents should be in the top left-hand corner of the book rather than have its own page.

    1. This book will describe

      I think it's always better to do what you do rather than say what you're going to do.

    1. The early twentieth century

      Maybe you start broad in Chapter One and get into the historical nitty gritty in Chapter 2.

    2. Everyone is familiar with the story of the American Dream

      usually the big broad stuff like this would go in Chapter 1.

    1. Beaver bundle

      Another thing to unpack. On the good side, doing all this will make the Scalar much longer!

    2. Niitsítapi

      ]One of the hardest things to do in a project like this is to slow everything down so that you make sure everything is adequately explained before someone reads it. You can't just throw out a Native American name like this and assume readers know who you mean.

    1. with any differences.

      This is an awkward way to describe what you're doing. I'm not against you doing any of these things. I just think you should be able to explain what you're doing in a way that doesn't sound like an arbitrary list.

    2. he religions of the Kiowa, Lakota, and Blackfoot tribes

      Why those tribes exactly?

    1. San Diego and El Paso were and are major hubs for immigration

      Not the places on the border where nobody's looking?

    2. against those

      Who were those exactly?

    3. The 1900-1930

      Nope.

  3. Sep 2020
    1. Bibliography

      You need a LOT more sources.

    2. Parallels of this sort of kinship can also be seen in the experiences of Colonel HenryBouquet during his campaigns of 1763-1764.

      I don't understand the organization of this paper at all.

    3. uthor Celia E. Naylor’s book

      This feels like a lot of book summry. Your focus should be on the history not the books themselves.

    4. he African and black slave history is in many areas, and throughout many eras,inseparable from the stories of the colonized Native American populations.

      This isn't really helpful.

    5. This paper will dive into the historiography ofracial terms of identifiers for African descended, indigenous, and mixed peoples.

      Don't tell me what you're going to do. Do it.

    6. this paper will attempt to tell the living history

      That's only useful if you do so for the purpose of making a broader argument. I can't see what you're arguing yet and I should know by the end of paragraph one, even in a paper this size.

    7. n the book’s introduction

      I hope this paper does a lot more than just summarize books.

    8. But, a quick Google search of the term

      Don't do this.

    1. Lastly, the way in which BlackAmericans lived and had always lived with their white owners was closely tied to the whiteculture around them leading to an exchange of ideas that the Natives who were kept at a physicaland psychological distance did not fully experience.

      This seems more like a starting point than an ending point for the whole essay.

    2. Why was it so much more difficult for Native Americans to give in the way ofcultural exchange, especially when it came to the fundamentals of religion?

      Skip rhetorical questions.

    3. does not mention

      What does he mention?

    4. combined, and retained

      How do you know?

    5. Blassingame shares

      Page reference?

    6. The formality of the conversion of Native Americans reached a level unseen in theAmerican South

      Why?

    7. Simple.

      Not a sentence.

    8. According to Resendez, “[t]he mission was Spain’sfirst frontier institution” (p. 196).

      I don't see how that helps.

    9. lack of cultural exchange

      You really have to explain this phrase much better.

    10. another reason

      Don;'t make it sound like a list.

    11. for greater cultural exchange

      What exactly does that mean? [I like where you're going here, but try to explain it a little better.]

    12. This shared faith was less forced by white Americans and more soadopted and cherished by the searching Africans and their descendants

      Stick a bit more explanation of your point between Blassingame summaries

    13. HIS 491Romero, CheyenneTragically, the Native populations of the Americas historically experienced death, death,and more death during the conquest and colonization of their lands. With Native American’s tiesto their land, language, traditions, and family, etc., often largely intact or at least easier topreserve due to their abilities to remain in familiar environments, those who wished to enslavethem at worst and coexist with at best were faced with a greater challenge. The challenge ofcutting off the Native’s cultural ties in order to gain a cultural foothold. But, this, unfortunately,led to the lack of a new life for the Natives, the one that enslaved Africans found out ofnecessity. African Americans, cut off from their homelands, simply had to give birth to newgenerations that would know less and less of their heritage and culture. While generations ofNative Americans found themselves continually fighting to retain their heritage and culture thatwas always seeming so closely in reach

      This is a great paragraph? Why is it orphaned in the middle of your paper?

    14. all.

      I like this paragraph, but where's your evidence?

    15. Another reason

      No lists!

    16. Although it is notwise to generalize the entire American relationship with Native slaves based on this one instance,it is still an insightful story

      This isn't helpful

    17. Also with regard to religion

      Awkward transition

    18. it will be discussed

      This is very awkward phrasing.

  4. Jun 2020
  5. Mar 2020
    1. A major theme of Johnson and Bailey is the usefulness of language for both the slavesand slave buyers/traders

      This seems an odd way to begin the last paragraph since it's a new idea, right? Either put it somewhere earlier or cut.

    2. rooted in his humanity

      Yes! Do more of this!

    3. a person with a price

      Unpack that a bit. What does it mean?

    4. real experience

      This has something to do with humanity too, yes?

    5. the humanity of the slaves

      Try to work the concept of humanity into the earlier part of the paragraph so that you can explain it a little better.

    6. slaves

      I get what you're doing, but this is still an awkward sentence. Maybe try breaking it up into two separate sentences?

    1. (p. 41).

      You should never use quotations in your conclusion. Always rephrase your argument in deifferent terms.

    2. was a major positive variable

      I don't understand what that means.

  6. Feb 2020
    1. [Discuss the false and ignorant general stereotypes of Africans (based on region) thatKolchin talks about on page 19.

      Not sure this helps with this particular question.

    2. Atlantic creoles

      Who were they? When were they?

    3. Of Africanization Berlin writes on page 56 that it “marked a sharp deterioration in theconditions of slave life” (Berlin, 56). He continues on page 61 that “[w]ith the decline of whiteservitude, slaves could no longer take refuge in the standards established for English servants.”

      Definitely don't begin a paragraph with two quotes.

    4. Dependingon when and where, or where and when, the look and feel of slavery manifest in a plethora ofways.
      1. That's not a sentence. 2. This needs to go at the beginning of the paragraph so that you can explain what it means better than this.
    5. It is by this understanding of the transition from ​white​ to​ black​ labor(Africanization) that there can be a greater understanding of the origins and stages of Americanslavery (variants in slavery over time).

      It's another good point, but you need a few more sentences of explanation here. Tie back directly to your overall point.

    6. is divulgingthrough geographic differences

      What exactly does that mean?

    7. an opportunity is missed

      That's passive voice. Who did what to whom?

    8. emerged to meet the pervasive labor shortage”

      Don't begin paragraphs with quotes. Start with your analysis.

    9. within the organization of their research lend to the ideathat slavery in America was not uniform nor was it free of fluctuation.

      That's their idea. Are you embracing it?

    10. American slavery was a system in which newer and deeper understandings of contrastingpoints are more important and more valuable than regurgitating familiar points that havetraditionally been explained without the necessary depth.

      I don't think that sentence works well. It just isn't clear to me what you mean.

    1. ”.

      Periods go inside the parentheses.

    2. Slavery was not the same across the country.

      You haven't really changed this paragraph since the last time I read this. This sentence should be your first sentence in the paragraph. Everything else in the paragraph should explain those differences.

    3. was in the south.

      Time period?

    1. In the northern part of America, slavery was something completely different than what it was in the south.

      Yes, this is very good.

    2. “Were the variations in American slavery over time and across regions more historically significant than the similarities? Explain.”

      You don't have to include the question on your paper.

    1. the concept of Atlantic creoles

      Why are Atlantic creoles important for you to make this argument?

    2. cotton, tobacco, rice, indigo, etc

      Crop differences. Little more here.

    3. differences

      geographic

    4. However, as the initial reason for slaves may be to fill labor needs as Kolchin claims (as well asracism —surely) such reasons changed over time. As more and more colonizers, immigrants, andthen Americans populated America, it became clear that the importation of slaves was less aboutfilling jobs and more about hoarding wealth and protecting ​investments​.

      This is great, but again this would be better at the beginning of the paragraph rather than the end.

    5. As attitudes and perceptions evolve information does not necessarily change but ratherthe interpretations change.

      Puzzled why this is here.

    6. American slavery was a system in which newerand deeper understandings of contrasting points are more important and more valuable thanregurgitating familiar points that have traditionally been explained without the necessary depth.

      This is a great sentence. I would rewrite the entire paragraph (saving a bit perhaps) with this as your first sen tence, nbot the last.

    7. was not uniform nor was it free of fluctuation

      Build on this.

    8. The specific concepts of space and time which Kolchin and Berlin establish within theorganization of their research lend to the idea that American slavery was unique in a globalsense.

      You do not have to argue against your own position.

    9. Slavery in America is oftentimes discussed in limited terms.

      The first sentence should make your position more clear than that.

  7. Dec 2019
    1. 5

      If your footnotes still look like this in the final copy I will fail this paper. I am not kidding.

    2. settlers.

      So all of this is research. That's good, but I need to see more analysis as you go.

    3. Ouray and treaty of 1863

      It is not appropriate to subdivide a paper this short into sections.

    4. minors.

      miners.

      Also, that's probably three paragraphs there in that huge thing. Different thoughts means new paragraphs.

    5. he Ute people were found in what is nowMexico,New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Texasand Colorado.This expansion of the area they covered was due to the introduction of horses by the Spanish.1

      Never include a footnote in the first paragraph. Make your argument first. Then get into necessary background in the next paragraph.

    6. perfect situation

      Well, I am at least glad to see that you're TRYING to do this thesis thing the right way.

    7. Fall 2019

      Seriously, I am not impressed by pictures.

    1. General Palmer in some sense created a legacy that is still felt today.

      You can offer better analysis than this.

    2. General Palmer not only affected the American West but created an entire section of its history. General Palmer’s railroad controlled the west, where the tracks were laid soon civilization followed.

      Look at that sentence. Try reading it aloud.

    3. Durango, Gunnison, Manitou, Pueblo,Cuchara, Salida are all cities Palmer brought his railroad to and invested heavily into.3

      More of this please. Less of how much Palmer loved Colorado.

    4. below

      Don't do this. I want analysis, not pictures.

    5. 2

      A quote this large is completely unnecessary in a paper like this.

    6. 27

      I consider your reliance on encyclopedias for this essay to be a huge black mark against your research skills. Have you got any better sources than this?

    7. 1

      What is this number doing here?

    8. General Palmer’s victory in the Royal Gorge was a relief however the courts and theirtediously slownature had costed General Palmer.

      Awkward.

    9. “both parties entrenched themselves and occupied their positions with armed men; one must remember thewild history of Western America to realize how little it would have taken to bring bloodshed. One rash word, one-shot, would have precipitated a tragedy.”25

      Why do you need to quote here? What purpose does it serve that paraphrasing wouldn't?

    10. (7)

      FOOTNOTE!!!

    11. Although it was common for railroad companiesto compete over a location Raton pass is different since ithas“canyon walls measuring 1,250 feet deep”, meaning that only one railroad would be able to control this pass.

      That is a terrible sentence.

    12. The Royal Gorge war

      What's that?

    13. this led to resentment and competition

      This should be the core of your essay. It is the material that is directly relevant to the history of the American West.

    14. and love towards Colorado

      Oh come on. Please be scholarly about this.

    15. he fell in love with Colorado

      So?

    16. General Palmer quickly observedthat a swiftexpansion westwardwas needed and he volunteered himself to work as a surveyor for future railroad tracks.

      This sounds like you're just summarizing your sources because I STILL can't see your thinking in this paper.

    17. Civil war

      Civil War

    18. work.

      Still not in the West yet.

    19. was ordered

      By who? Passive voice is bad. Also, what does all this Confederate stuff have to do with the history of the American West?

    20. threaten

      threatened

    21. I

      A paper this short should never have quotations this long.

    22. almer using his prior knowledge of horsemanship(from living on a farm)planned to form a cavalry regiment, “I have chosen the Cavalry arm of service because that is now most needed by the Govt., because I am a fair rider and because there is something about the Cavalry that accords more with my spirt than other arms.”6

      Never begin a paragraph with a quote. Analyze instead. Show that you're thinking.

    23. historian Leah Davis-Witherow

      There's a problem here. Not sure the quote is right.

    24. organization.

      These short paragraphs read like a book report. That's not good. Try to show that you're thinking, not just reporting what you read.

    25. 2

      Nope. Not Turabian. Not particularly close either.

    1. Atwood,Wallace

      Do you have any books about Mesa Verde at all? It looks like these are all articles.

    2. Tourismthoughtcanthreate

      Huh?

    3. TheartifactsofMesaVerde,thehistory,aswellasthenaturalbeautyaddtotheattractionfortouriststovisittheregionforoveronehundredyears

      This sounds like a tourist brochure.

    4. hasalwaysbeenanarearichinarchaeologicalevidenceandartifacts.

      I'm pretty sure you wrote this already.

    5. KathleenFiero

      Who?

    6. WetherillMesa

      So your fundamental problem here is that you're just summarizing what you're reading, with no effort to prove your original argument or lay down the basic information needed for me to understand any of this stuff.

    7. JesseNusbaum

      Who????

    8. In1918

      So there's no argument in this paragraph?

    9. wasn’t

      Don't use contractions in formal papers.

    10. Thesearchforknowledgeisinherentwithinhumanity

      What does that mean?

    11. Lewis

      Who????

    12. totakenotice

      Notice of what?

    13. ThisprotectionwasdoneasarecognitionofMesaVerdeasavaluablehistoricalsite,withpricelessartifactsanddwelling.

      What does this have to do with why Mesa Verde succeeded? Isn't that the argument of your paper?

    14. Mr.CosmosMindeleff

      It's your job to explain why we should care about all of these people.

    15. TheWetherillBrothers

      Who???

    16. Thisvulnerable

      Huh?

    17. MesaVerdewasthe1starchaeologicalparkintheUnitedStates,foundedJune29th,1906whichisadecadebeforethecreationoftheNationalParkService

      That's a run-on sentence.

    18. MesaVerde’sarchaeologicalparkstatushasalsoledittobeingnamedaWorldHeritagesitebytheUN,showingthatMesaVerdestillhasimpact.

      This is all description. I want to see analysis in the first paragraph, then necessary background info, then your research.

    19. MesaVerdewasthefirstarchaeologicalparkinAmerica.

      That's a huge right turn. Where's your explanation of the argument you just made?

    20. succeeded

      What time frame are we discussing here?

    21. Bibliography

      Thank you for getting closer than most, but this STILL isn't Turabian.

    1. References

      Again, none of this is Turabian.

    2. Additionally,

      New thought, new paragraph.

    3. Francisco.

      This paragraph is FAR too long. You need to break it up with analysis. Don't just summarize everything you read.

    4. Moore3On the other hand, while he was joining law enforcement throughout the American West, state to state

      I don't understand what this means.

    5. 3

      Just cite the paper as the paper. Forget about teh NEH.

    6. 2

      Not Turabian. Not even close.

    7. There is evidencethat Wyatt Earp did play well with law enforcement and joined in on maintaining the peace in many western towns more than once, though the motives are only known to Earp himself.

      Run on sentence.

    8. urpose.

      It's a good argument, but take the historiography out of teh paragraph. Introduce the authors in the body of your paper.

    9. 1

      Footnotes only go at the end of sentences.

    10. Wyatt Earp (1848-1929) was an American West “cowboy”figure that has been represented by Hollywood and select biographies as a man of law and order, whereas facts present a contradictoryman that was involved in the law as much as he was running from it.

      Why is this underlined. Also, this should definitely be two sentences.

    1. Limerick, Patricia Nelson.The Legacy of Conquest: The Unbroken Past of the American West, 88. New York: W.W. Norton, 2006.

      None of these bibliography entries are Turabian either.

    2. Overall, the New Deal was largely successful in transforming negative attitudes Westerners had of government to a working relationship with government, which displayed American ingenuity.

      You absolutely did not prove that here. Indeed, I fprgot that was your argument pages ago until I saw you bring it up here (rightfully) at the end.

    3. The Hoover Dam

      Really, this could be a whole different paper.

    4. In Nevada, the New Deal can be most remembered through the historic construction of the Hoover Dam.

      First you went agency by agency. Now state by state.

    5. Another aspect

      Don't make it sound like a list.

    6. “In October 1939, for example, 7,063 Indians receivedold-age assistance, 4,125 receivedaid to dependent children assistance, and 550 sight-impaired Indians secured aid to the blind”.1

      Pasting quotes inside texts is not the same as arguing a point.