doesn’t
Don't use contractions in formal papers. They aren't scholarly.
1,843 Matching Annotations
- Mar 2016
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chrisgienez.wordpress.com chrisgienez.wordpress.com
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In social terms the high class versus the low class.
That's not a sentence.
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(Cowie 1)
That's not the most helpful of quotes.
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The economic status defines the classes in America because of the social standing these citizens had in the city.
This might work, but you haven't explained the point well enough here. I'd try rewriting this paragraph, making this point MUCH earlier in it.
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tarts
started.
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with
in?
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was at a rift
That doesn't make sense.
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sbdaberkow.com sbdaberkow.com
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all
As you revise this, I'd break this paragraph down into at least two - maybe three - separate paragraphs. There's a lot here that you can build upon.
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is very apparent.
Vague.
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In trying to understand American history after 1945, it is most important to understand the concept of class because money is one of the biggest driving forces in our world and will remain to be. The concept of race does matter, but not as much. Race is only a fraction of all of the discriminatory factors one can face. There are always people being denied jobs because of their race, gender, physical appearance, speaking abilities, body type, and much more. Race is not as significant as class in these regards because there will always be specific class struggles, especially in America.
I like the whole paragraph, but can you make it a little more subject specific?
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examplewordpresscom37161.wordpress.com examplewordpresscom37161.wordpress.com
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(20)
Again, you're summarizing the right parts of the books, but you have to explicitly connect the history you cover to your argument from the first paragraph. Ideally, you'll do this at the end of every paragraph.
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(22).
Now link the last two paragraphs of book summary back to your argument.
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Examples of this were definitely on display during the urban crisis of 1940’s and 1950’s Detroit.
That sentence isn't helpful. Instead, explain a little more about what you mean by limitations.
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it limited how far people could progress themselves.
That's a good argument.
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bryanromeroblog.wordpress.com bryanromeroblog.wordpress.com
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Some questions to keep in mind as the main question is answered are, “How big of an impact did this reason have?” and “Was this more racially based or economically based?”
Just cut this part entirely. Instead, do more to explain your reasons for picking the side you did.
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declination
wrong word.
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The three presented reasons for this
Very awkward.
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contributed the bigger impact
But why? You have to be able to explain why.
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daniellevillegasblog.wordpress.com daniellevillegasblog.wordpress.com
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The Origins of the Urban Crisis
italics.
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Many will argue that race and class are one in the same
Don't tell me what many will argue. Build your own argument from the beginning.
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by
Don't end sentences with prepositions.
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determined
I don't like that word. It isn't exact enough.
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teaganbodablog.wordpress.com teaganbodablog.wordpress.com
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This rising of the working class
Disco = the rising of the working class?
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Country music
So where is this going?
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working
Really?
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1970s
earlier.
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,
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Class matters more than race in the understanding of American history in the post-war world.
But why? You have to come out and say why. That will be your thesis.
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Class is extremely important to the understanding of American history since 1945.
This isn't helpful at all.
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cnemick.wordpress.com cnemick.wordpress.com
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urban redevelopment
How does this relate back to your thesis?
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“Detroit’s
NEVER start a paragraph with a quote. Paragraph thesis first. Then evidence.
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status
That is a gigantic paragraph that probably should be broken up.
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While class held an important and large role in American history after 1945, race determined the class for millions of Americans and essentially handicapped their personal prosperity.
That's your thesis, right? Move this to the beginning of the paragraph and build upon it.
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it is obvious
You just said it was difficult to prioritize them, yet you do.
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is difficult
Yup, but you still don't need to repeat it.
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isaacmatson.wordpress.com isaacmatson.wordpress.com
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he understood that class could be more than strict economics
I think that's wonderful, but it deserves MUCH more explanation.
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Complicating the discussion
Your goal should be to un-complicate the discussion.
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Race is self-explanatory.
Nothing is self-explanatory.
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thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
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(226)
Try not to end paragraphs with quotes. Analyze more instead.
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in the 1940s and 1960s
You mean "through," right?
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moreorlessbunk.net moreorlessbunk.net
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as many of your fellow students’ blogs as you can
Let's say at least six. Does that sound like a fair number?
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Chrome browser
I'm sorry about the Chrome browser thing. I know some people like Firefox. Does anybody in class use any other browser?
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admin
I really should figure out how to switch the user name to my actual name rather than "admin"
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