1,843 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2017
    1. Communism was what the Soviet Union followed and embraced.

      Obvious.

    2. The Potsdam Conference was the beginning of the Cold War.

      But the Potsdam Conference was 1945, not 1947.

    3. With economic growth, a strengthened military, and international peace the United States changed for better.

      Stellar. Nice clear reasoning explaining the author's earlier position. It would be a little list-y except all these things compliment each other nicely so they can talk about the same general trend throughout the essay.

    4. w

      Cold War

    5. The Cold War in 1947 to 1991 changed America for the better.

      The Cold War from 1947 to 1991 changed America for the better.

    1. Any opinion would be great about this right here??

      I don't think you'll be able to answer that question until you get there. Start with the pages that you know have to be written. If something gets too big it can become a sub-page.

    2. World History

      From here down gets a little confusing to us uninitiated. However, I trust you and with your high media count I'm sire everything will turn out alright.

    3. mmigration workforce

      That would definitely be a social trend.

    4. 100 picture and over 30 newspaper articles

      Yeah, that's a good number.

    1. ThoughtMesh

      I have no idea what this is.

    2. viewed online

      This is unnecessary.

    3. Viewed online

      It's hard to tell which of these are written sources and which are media. How's the media search going?

    4. racism, temperance, and immigration

      I liked the earlier thesis better. These would make good subject pages, though.

    5. who was frequenting beer gardens and why

      I like that as an organizing theme.

    1. direct sources

      For a Scalar, I'd focus on the media they might get you.

    2. will then go to a chapter

      Actually, the beauty of Scalar is that the reader can go through it any old way they want.

    3. babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=loc.ark:/13960/t9474vm6r;view=1up;seq=15.

      Just to be clear, you don't have to cite Hathitrust or Google Books links. Just cite the book.

    4. They

      They, meaning the SA?

    5. All the World.

      Can you get most SA publications online?

    6. Salvation army had in the both the wars, and the subsequent yearning for the doughnuts by returning soldiers

      Just to be clear, the majority of pages should be on this specifically.

    7. likeableness

      I don't get this word? Was there ever any doubt that people liked doughnuts?

    8. a lasting legacy

      Yeah, that's why I like Scalar too.

    1. Thank you

      Admit it: You miss web work. Otherwise, why so many pictures to accompany a mere prospectus?

    1. A typical 10 oz. can have had contained 1,300 calories, 1 oz. of protein and fat, and more than 7 oz. of carbohydrate.

      So?

    2. cheap and easy to make

      Do these qualities have anything to do with nutrition?

    3. transportation and lasting qualities

      Do these qualities have anything to do with nutrition?

    4. Confederate soldiers and canned milk

      I'd definitely stick the Confederacy at the end.

    1. nutritional advantage

      So if you want to privilege nutrition, write everything to privilege nutrition.

    1. Third, I will argue that the longevity

      It's kind of like your thesis is your outline. Can you express all these concepts in more abstract terms somehow?

    2. nutritional value, preservation, transport ability, and longevity

      This is awkward phrasing.

    3. multiple advantages

      I see why you're doing this, but really this seems like a way to jam too many arguments into one thesis. Is there one advantage you can elevate above the rest? Something that takes them all in?

    1. excerpted in Albion’s Seed

      So order it ILL!!! If it's a secondary source it has to be somewhere, right?

    2. How did the immigration of the Scotch-Irish to America and the resulting infusion of whisky culture shape American society?

      OK, that's a good question, but where's the paragraph explaining teh framing? More importantly, where's the potential thesis?

  2. Feb 2017
    1. good thing for most Americans

      Yeah, definitely skip the 20s and give many more details about teh New Deal. It'll be a stronger argument.

    2. Social Security,

      Which is what, exactly?

    3. After his death in 1923, Calvin Coolidge took office and had the same motives and ideas of Harding. He too was for in favor of big businesses and a small government. He thought best that it was better to go back to the ways of keeping government out of the way of businesses. Proceeding him in Presidency was Herbert Hoover, who again shared the same ideals of the two previous presidents, and continued with the capitalist ideals in America. With the economic boom of the twenties, things seemed to be going good in America and most Americans seemed to be quite happy with the way things were going. However, as some financial experts warned, this wasn’t something that could last forever. Eventually starting in the autumn 1929, the stock markets began to crash and banks investing in these stocks were out of money. This started a down spiral of the economy and this depression left millions of people with no jobs, money, homes, or food. President Hoover, who was the current president at the time of the depression, tried to explain to the people that nothing was wrong with American Institutions and that the free market place would soon recover. However this was not enough for the people, and the panic of the depression only got worse. F

      I'd skip all this and cover the New Deal in greater detail instead. Fits your argument better.

    4. to a halt in the 20s

      Actually, it was WWI.

    5. such a great advancement for workers.

      Which advancement for workers do you mean?

    6. American Financial System

      Not capitalized.

    7. he

      Was it really just him?

    8. Thankfully

      This paragraph is far too long and should be broken up into pieces.

    9. Sherman Antitrust Act

      The Sherman Act predates the Progressive Era.

    10. progressive movement

      Who's that? When was this?

    11. People

      Who exactly?

    12. In the second half of the nineteenth century, Capitalism emerged.

      Strike this. It's dead wrong. Capitalism is much older than that.

    13. that worked in favor for the majority of Americans.

      This is good, but at least two more sentences of explanation in this paragraph right after this sentence would really help.

    14. power.

      Better sentence, but still not quite there yet. Who won the argument and why?

    15. there was continuous change in the role of government in America.

      That's the assumption behind the question. What can you say ABOUT that change?

    1. how the government

      Yes, yes, yes. This is exactly how to make an argument!

    2. This program help many families and individuals as a way to live some what of a life they were used to prior to failing on hard times.

      Yes, but relate this directly back to your overall argument, please.

    3. Each one of these programs had the ultimate goal of helping the citizens who had fallen on hard times but the also had their own uniqueness. FERA, which was run by Harry Hopkins, a professional who had over 20 years in social and welfare issues, focused on providing grants from the federal government to state governments. These grants were provided for projects in fields such as agriculture, arts, construction and education with the goal of providing different types of professions and pay that would have been similar to the jobs these people once held. The CWA was more of a short-term fix for the less skilled unemployed individuals. Many people took this assistance and because of the CWA the country saw improvements in such things as airports, bridges, and road. And finally the CCC employed upwards of 3 million men who worked in parks, forests, and even at times fought fires.

      Excellent use of relevant detail.

    4. Federal Emergency Relief Act (FERA), the Civil Works Administration (CWA), and the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC)

      Good use of specifics.

    5. As World War I came to an end Americans moved into the 1920’s with the feeling of a “great quality of life”. Employment had become stable with many more jobs being available. More professions such as doctors, lawyers, and engineers had been established and there was a sense of happiness amongst society. As Americans enjoyed the growth of income from the stock market in the 1920’s no one could predict the events of October 24th 1929 also know as, “Black Thursday”. As stock prices dropped investors feared what would happen and began to sell causing the stock market to crash. This devastation was the beginning of a four-year “downward spiral” in the economic structure of our country. Unemployment rates skyrocketed and production slowed causing our country to fall in what we know to as the, Great Depression. The Great Depression impacted families causing them to become homeless, struggle to have food on their tables, and lose jobs. In 1933 with the country in its worst financial position ever the country elected President Franklin Roosevelt.

      You're covering a lot of ground here, but it isn't really helping you prove your argument.

    6. end

      end,

    7. This initiative

      I don't see the point of including this. There are many better pieces of legislation to point to which would help prove your argument better.

    8. Legislation was created not only to benefit individuals but also to benefit our country as a whole.

      Good, as long as I see specific examples later/

    9. a much more hands off type approach towards society also know as, “Laissez faire”.

      That's a good argument!

    10. Brands American Stories Volume 2 Chapter 22 – The Progressive Era 1895-1917 Brands American Stories Volume 2 Chapter 26 – Franklin D. Roosevelt and the New Deal, 1929–1939

      As it says somewhere in the syllabus or the assignment, the Brands book doesn't count towards those five sources.

    1. I believe we are all equal and should be treated equally, but this is a concept that our nation has lost.

      How exactly does this relate to industrialization? Always remember your whole essay should be geared towards answering teh question at hand.

    2. separation

      Is that the right word?

    3. poor.

      Don't forget the list of sources in your final essays!

    4. doesn’t

      Don't use contractions in formal papers.

    5. article

      essay

    6. that humanity was changing for the worst

      So you might want to argue for the negative from the very beginning.

    7. So, now no

      Is there a word missing here?

    8. loses homogeneity

      Explain.

    9. led to a different lifestyle for all.

      What exactly does that mean? Good? Bad?

    10. Ford’s assembly line

      Good detail.

    11. Ford’s assembly line

      Good detail.

    12. As can be seen in the textbook

      You don't have to say that. Document references are good, but the textbook is more like background.

    13. On the other hand

      It's better to take a stand and stick with it rather than to argue both sides.

    14. is

      was

    1. American Stories: A History of the United States, 3rd Edition, Volume 2

      Since the Brands textbook doesn't count towards your five sources (as per the instructions), there's no need to list it in the bibliography.

    2. many benefits

      What about the costs.

    3. one being the Nobles and the other being the Peasants.

      Wrong continent. Wrong time period.

    4. The cities

      Examples?

    5. a flock of growth

      Awkward?

    6. was unfair, harmful, and unsafe for many

      But the last paragraph made everything sound rosy?

    7. allowed themselves to have money for necessities such as food, and shelter.

      So they were starving before?

    8. job creation

      What kind of jobs exactly? Better or worse?

    9. transformed how our country conducted

      How exactly?

    10. As America evolved between the years of 1800 to 1901 it saw its country grow in ways it never had seen in its past.

      Vague.

    11. Land of the free and home of the brave

      That's kind of cliche.

  3. Jan 2017
    1. An “Exploded” Model T Ford (Links to an external site.).

      The "exploded" Model T Ford, is a picture of the original mass-produced automobile which shows how it's many pieces fit together on the assembly line.

  4. Dec 2016
  5. Nov 2016
  6. hriganti.wordpress.com hriganti.wordpress.com
    1. William Coxe, A View of the Cultivation of Fruit Trees, and the Management of Orchards and Cider (Philadelphia: M. Carey & Sons, 1817), 10.

      Check the format for second references in Turabian.

    2. one method of drying apples

      So are we talking those shriveled things or do you mean drying off apples?A time frame would really help me understand how things changed over time.

    3. Domestically, apples are shipped from their orchards to storage or to larger markets when apple growers are not located relatively close to the markets to which they sell.

      Time frame?

    4. Private car lines

      That sounds like the apples have their own lounge chairs.

    5. Apples were not just a commodity for sale in the United States. They became a profitable export for the U.S. as the first and only fruit export until 1865

      I like the point, but why is this important to include in this paper?

    6. revolutionary idea

      Time frame?

    7. Apples kept in cold storage

      Timeframe?

    8. Without seeming cliché,

      Cut.

    9. Northern territory

      Why is this paragraph worth including?

    10. Starting in the earliest colonies

      So what's your timeframe for this paper?

    11. described in this paper

      No.

    12. this paper discusses

      Again, cut this kind of language.

    13. This paper discusses

      Never say what you're gonna do. Just do it.

    14. How are these product made? Who and what decides what apples make it to the consumer directly to eat in a school lunch or to be made into an apple pie? Who and what decides that apples should be used in commercial produces rather than sold in their whole state?

      Rhetorical questions are generally annoying.

  7. thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
    1. misery.

      Thomas, I think you forgot your audience. Imagine someone who knows nothing whatsoever about chain stores reading this. What do they have to know to understand your points? What exactly do you want them to know?

    2. Again

      Always a bad sign when that word gets used this way.

    3. A critical issue with this description was its failure to describe reality in the context of chain stores

      Huh?

    4. Chain stores were known for several hallmark features, which made them both successful and hated by independent grocers.

      Again, this whole sentence is at least three pages worth of description in a good research paper.

    5. The single biggest contributor to the success of chain stores was lower food prices for American consumers, which dramatically mitigated the financial burden of food.

      That sounds like an argument that ought to come first or second in this paper.

    6. In 1939,

      Start paragraphs with analysis, not facts.

    7. There were a few reasons behind the high prices

      This needs to be seriously unpacked. It sounds like the basis of a good reserach paper right there.

    8. when chain stores aggressively replaced independents

      Where?

    9. met their demise in the face of chains

      Timeframe?

    10. They did so at the slight cost of replacing an inefficient and costly capitalist ownership structure with a new ownership structure that better served their needs.

      Again, there is much in this sentence that requires unpacking.

    11. While the saga of grocery chain stores in the United States

      This is too abrupt an entrance. You should have at least a few paragraphs setting up the saga. Remember, this is not a historiography paper.

    1. One supporter of Carver’s peanut milk was Henry Ford who preferred soy and peanut based milk to that of cow’s milk. In 1921, Ford said, “The cow is the crudest machine in the world. Our Laboratories have already demonstrated that cow’s milk can be done away with and the concentration of elements of milk can be manufactured into scientific food by machines far cleaner than cows.” [11] Carver had acquired a large amount of publicity for his contributions to peanut milk and had numerous offers to manufacture it. Unfortunately, he had found that he was not the first to make peanut milk.[12] Despite Carver’s and Ford’s attempts to popularize peanut milk as a healthier alternative in replace of cow’s milk, it was resisted by the market due to surplus in cow’s milk.[13] Carver’s attempt to popularize peanut milk

      Why on earth should we care?

    1. Credits

      If I hadn't seen your sources already, I'd be angry that you don't have them up yet! Look at Teagan's for a model for Scalar credits.

    1. I love that sentence, but again, one sentence paragraphs are not generally a good idea. Maybe elaborate at least a little here?

    2. M & M Restaurant Inc

      Can you break this into two pictures and display them both right-side up?

    3. Appealing

      That is a great picture!

    1. Lunch Wagon No. 9 1908 Herald Square, New York

      I think your pictures are displayed here at precisely the right size.

    2. on

      Never, ever end a sentnec with apreopistion.

    3. Buckley’s

      Fix the formatting problems.

    4. is not given to Walter Scott.

      Why not?

    1. Greenfield Museum

      It's actually called "greenfield Village," which is part of the Henry Ford Museum.

    2. Without realizing it, Walter Scott jump-started the bones of the culture of American diners, homemade food.

      One sentence paragraphs just give me the creeps.

    1. Sovenia

      Slovenia

    2. Additional information and media to come:

      New pages further down the path.

    3. The recipes are easy to follow, paragraph style instructions on the some of the most basic combinations of ingredients.

      This calls for a graphic.

    4. The Joy of Cooking

      External link for people who have no idea what The Joy of Cooking is?

    5. In Pueblo, Colorado a library like no other exists.

      Awkward.

    1. Slovenia.

      I think every Scalar should have at least one linear path through everything.

    2. The

      You've got formatting problems. Add spaces between paragraphs at least.

    3. At

      The background picture seems like a strange choice.

    4. 20th

      Huh?

    1. Primary sources

      I would have expected to see a lot more primary sources than this by now.

    2. January 8, 2009

      Nope.

    3. used latte

      When?

    4. didn’t

      Don't use contractions in formal papers. they aren't scholarly.

    5. Montezuma

      Mexico?

    6. water

      You need more quotes from primary sources.

    7. This is just the basic facts of solution mining.

      Strike this. It doesn't help.

    8. Eventually as colonial America would begin would begin to push forward into the country they would eventually discover that there was land here in America that could be used to harvest salt.

      Again, what's the timeframe for this paper?

    9. When did the harvesting of salt begin here in America?

      Rhetorical questions are annoying.

    10. Salt has been around for a long time in the history of the world and probably even before we started to record it.

      Strike this sentence. It doesn't help.

    11. Even land that contain salt was very important to the people of the United States as there were even some laws that showed this.

      That is a terrible introductory sentence. The point needs to be explained much better.

    12. It would seem that a war about freedom and independence would not have anything to do with salt, but it did. During the war the British army did a great job of cutting off the continental’s army supply of salt,

      What does this have to do with salt mining?

    13. the early part of American history

      This reminds me, what's your timeframe here? That should be clear from the very beginning of the paper.

    14. Before the time of oil wars

      When?

    15. Also according to this article

      You're not writing like an authority here. Write with authority! You've read all this stuff on salt mining. Show YOUR expertise!

    16. place.

      place?

    17. The question comes to mind

      Awkward.

    18. [1]

      Never, ever, footnote in the first paragraph of a paper. That's the space for YOUR arguments, not somebody else's arguments or information.

    19. Calkins

      Who?

  8. tannerghist493.wordpress.com tannerghist493.wordpress.com
    1. The FDA Food Safety Modernization Act (FSMA) rule

      From when, exactly?

    2. Packaging techniques in the modern day

      What scares me is that you're ten pages in and you're already going for the modern day. You need to be able to cover the past in a lot more detail in order to get 25 relevant pages.

    3. The FDA estimates that 79,000 cases of foodborne illness and 30 deaths each year are caused by foodborne illnesses from Salmonella.

      Is this the present? Is the present relevant?

    4. Salmonella

      salmonella

    5. yet another

      Again, this sounds like a list.

    6. Another important aspect

      Don't make it sound like a list.

    7. Between the 1940s and the present day, there were actually many changes made to the preservation and transportation of eggs, largely due to the distances they needed to travel to reach consumers, and also because of the risk of diseases that came with the poor handling of eggs.

      If your argument is a two-fer, then each point should be in separate sentences.

    8. don’t

      Don't use contractions in formal papers. They aren't scholarly.

    1. Commission

      A bibliography really would have been nice.

    2. [2] http://www.fns.usda.gov/nslp/history_7

      This is not how to cite a web page. Google "Turabian web page" to see how.

    3. (Paragraph on discrimination laws)

      For the most part, I actually like what you've written here, but I fear you might have trouble stretching this out to 25 pages unless you spend a LOT more time explaining and reacting to the facts you've found.

    4. would ignite

      ignited

    5. must be discussed

      Awkward.

    6. As the bill neared its passing in 1946

      I though it passed in 1945.

    7. Finally

      Don't use that word until the end of the paper.

    8. Although there was much boasting happening about the National School Lunch Program in the 1950s there was huge holes in the program that inhibited fairness to all students.

      This is a REALLY important sentence. [It might even be your actual thesis.] It should be its own paragraph with a LOT of explanation following it.

    9. Their next two recipe books

      Don't make it sound like a list.

    10. access the fresh surplus from farms.

      Time frame? When do frozen foods roll out? [Actually, I know the answer to that, do you?]

    11. This need for community support

      I'd elaborate.

    12. slowly

      Time frame?

    13. Today millions of students benefit from the school lunch program

      It is generally better to save the "today" stuff for the end.

    14. Since the enactment the National School Lunch Act, there has been an ongoing struggle to make the program more inclusive to students of all race and socioeconomic classes by making school lunch affordable to operate in districts nationwide.

      This is your thesis. It needs to be the start of a new paragraph and explained much better than this.

      Actually, the existence of the struggle isn't a thesis. It's a topic. You need to decide what you, Jessikah, want to say ABOUT that struggle.

    1. Report.”

      Dianne, You have a lot of good stuff here, but you HAVE to impose some order on it. Take your argument and explain as you go IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER how each point somehow proves your argument otherwise that fact doesn't belong in this paper.

    2. Chronicling America.

      I've said many times that you don't need web citations for Chronicling America newspapers.

    3. “Http://recipes.popcorn.org/.” n.d. http://recipes.popcorn.org/.

      This is not how to cite a web page. Google "Web page Turabian" to see how.

    4. Brian Wansink, Ph.D., conducted studies

      That's almost the present.

    5. Once again

      ???

    6. Orville Redenbacher led

      When exactly?

    7. Scientists

      Again, another very abrupt transition.

    8. in the early part of the twentieth century

      See above.

    9. in the 1920s

      It is absolutely crucial that you impose some kind of chronological order on this paper. You are jumping all over the place in time and it is extremely confusing.

    10. Early forms of popcorn

      But you just went past the 19530s! That's not early, is it?

    11. (Agriculture, 2016)

      Why are some of your footnotes footnote and others paranthetical references?

    12. Popcorn was very difficult to harvest

      Why? Isn't it just corn?

    13. continued

      I still don't follow your time frame.

    14. Adding prizes to each box of Cracker Jacks

      Somehow I think Cracker Jacks deserve more than one paragraph.

    15. America certainly had grown an appetite for popcorn, and now was the time to reap the benefits.

      What does that mean?

    16. W.E. Watkins

      Who?

    17. Recipe books were written about popcorn and bacon, popcorn and vegetables and even popcorn taffy and as early as the nineteenth century

      This reminds me, I'd set your time frame somewhere earlier than this. I still don't know where your focus is gonna be.

    18. (Smith, 1999)

      More analysis before you get into the sources, please.

    19. The popcorn industry has strategically and successfully advertised popcorn into becoming one of America’s favorite snack food.

      If this is the argument (and I'm guessing it is, I'd break this sentence off and then explain it as the next paragraph.

    1. 1986

      Teagan,

      This whole Scalar is astonishingly good already, but I hope you'll still devote some time to polishing the rough edges that I specified.

    2. This project could not have been created without the help of several sources.  First and foremost is the permission and support of both PepsiCo and the Coca-Cola Company to use their brands in my project.  Without this permission, the project would never have existed.  Second, is the original case study titled The Cola Wars by J. C. Louis and Harvey Z. Yazijian.  This source was published in 1980, which was right in the middle of the Cola Wars, but had extremely valuable information on how the Cola Wars began and how they were being fought well into the 1970s.  Third, is the autobiography The Other Guy Blinked: How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars by Roger Enrico.  This primary source was published immediately after the New Coke debacle, when Pepsi thought for sure they were finally going to control the cola market.  Enrico provided valuable insight into the inner workings of Pepsi at a time when every move was a calculated strike against Coca-Cola.  The final main source for my project was a collection of newspapers around the country which are posted online by the Google Newspaper Archive.  This allowed me to see how the nation as a whole was reacting to different aspects of the Cola Wars.  Had it not been for these newspapers, my project would have been lacking the input of the average American.

      This is EXACTLY the way I think a Scalar Bibliography page should look (although I think I prefer "Credits" for a Scalar).