1,843 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2017
    1. With economic growth, a strengthened military, and international peace the United States changed for better.

      Stellar. Nice clear reasoning explaining the author's earlier position. It would be a little list-y except all these things compliment each other nicely so they can talk about the same general trend throughout the essay.

    1. Any opinion would be great about this right here??

      I don't think you'll be able to answer that question until you get there. Start with the pages that you know have to be written. If something gets too big it can become a sub-page.

    2. World History

      From here down gets a little confusing to us uninitiated. However, I trust you and with your high media count I'm sire everything will turn out alright.

    1. babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=loc.ark:/13960/t9474vm6r;view=1up;seq=15.

      Just to be clear, you don't have to cite Hathitrust or Google Books links. Just cite the book.

    2. Salvation army had in the both the wars, and the subsequent yearning for the doughnuts by returning soldiers

      Just to be clear, the majority of pages should be on this specifically.

    1. multiple advantages

      I see why you're doing this, but really this seems like a way to jam too many arguments into one thesis. Is there one advantage you can elevate above the rest? Something that takes them all in?

    1. How did the immigration of the Scotch-Irish to America and the resulting infusion of whisky culture shape American society?

      OK, that's a good question, but where's the paragraph explaining teh framing? More importantly, where's the potential thesis?

  2. Feb 2017
    1. After his death in 1923, Calvin Coolidge took office and had the same motives and ideas of Harding. He too was for in favor of big businesses and a small government. He thought best that it was better to go back to the ways of keeping government out of the way of businesses. Proceeding him in Presidency was Herbert Hoover, who again shared the same ideals of the two previous presidents, and continued with the capitalist ideals in America. With the economic boom of the twenties, things seemed to be going good in America and most Americans seemed to be quite happy with the way things were going. However, as some financial experts warned, this wasn’t something that could last forever. Eventually starting in the autumn 1929, the stock markets began to crash and banks investing in these stocks were out of money. This started a down spiral of the economy and this depression left millions of people with no jobs, money, homes, or food. President Hoover, who was the current president at the time of the depression, tried to explain to the people that nothing was wrong with American Institutions and that the free market place would soon recover. However this was not enough for the people, and the panic of the depression only got worse. F

      I'd skip all this and cover the New Deal in greater detail instead. Fits your argument better.

    2. that worked in favor for the majority of Americans.

      This is good, but at least two more sentences of explanation in this paragraph right after this sentence would really help.

    1. This program help many families and individuals as a way to live some what of a life they were used to prior to failing on hard times.

      Yes, but relate this directly back to your overall argument, please.

    2. Each one of these programs had the ultimate goal of helping the citizens who had fallen on hard times but the also had their own uniqueness. FERA, which was run by Harry Hopkins, a professional who had over 20 years in social and welfare issues, focused on providing grants from the federal government to state governments. These grants were provided for projects in fields such as agriculture, arts, construction and education with the goal of providing different types of professions and pay that would have been similar to the jobs these people once held. The CWA was more of a short-term fix for the less skilled unemployed individuals. Many people took this assistance and because of the CWA the country saw improvements in such things as airports, bridges, and road. And finally the CCC employed upwards of 3 million men who worked in parks, forests, and even at times fought fires.

      Excellent use of relevant detail.

    3. As World War I came to an end Americans moved into the 1920’s with the feeling of a “great quality of life”. Employment had become stable with many more jobs being available. More professions such as doctors, lawyers, and engineers had been established and there was a sense of happiness amongst society. As Americans enjoyed the growth of income from the stock market in the 1920’s no one could predict the events of October 24th 1929 also know as, “Black Thursday”. As stock prices dropped investors feared what would happen and began to sell causing the stock market to crash. This devastation was the beginning of a four-year “downward spiral” in the economic structure of our country. Unemployment rates skyrocketed and production slowed causing our country to fall in what we know to as the, Great Depression. The Great Depression impacted families causing them to become homeless, struggle to have food on their tables, and lose jobs. In 1933 with the country in its worst financial position ever the country elected President Franklin Roosevelt.

      You're covering a lot of ground here, but it isn't really helping you prove your argument.

    4. Brands American Stories Volume 2 Chapter 22 – The Progressive Era 1895-1917 Brands American Stories Volume 2 Chapter 26 – Franklin D. Roosevelt and the New Deal, 1929–1939

      As it says somewhere in the syllabus or the assignment, the Brands book doesn't count towards those five sources.

    1. I believe we are all equal and should be treated equally, but this is a concept that our nation has lost.

      How exactly does this relate to industrialization? Always remember your whole essay should be geared towards answering teh question at hand.

    1. American Stories: A History of the United States, 3rd Edition, Volume 2

      Since the Brands textbook doesn't count towards your five sources (as per the instructions), there's no need to list it in the bibliography.

  3. Jan 2017
    1. An “Exploded” Model T Ford (Links to an external site.).

      The "exploded" Model T Ford, is a picture of the original mass-produced automobile which shows how it's many pieces fit together on the assembly line.

  4. Dec 2016
  5. Nov 2016
  6. hriganti.wordpress.com hriganti.wordpress.com
    1. William Coxe, A View of the Cultivation of Fruit Trees, and the Management of Orchards and Cider (Philadelphia: M. Carey & Sons, 1817), 10.

      Check the format for second references in Turabian.

    2. one method of drying apples

      So are we talking those shriveled things or do you mean drying off apples?A time frame would really help me understand how things changed over time.

    3. Domestically, apples are shipped from their orchards to storage or to larger markets when apple growers are not located relatively close to the markets to which they sell.

      Time frame?

    4. Apples were not just a commodity for sale in the United States. They became a profitable export for the U.S. as the first and only fruit export until 1865

      I like the point, but why is this important to include in this paper?

    5. How are these product made? Who and what decides what apples make it to the consumer directly to eat in a school lunch or to be made into an apple pie? Who and what decides that apples should be used in commercial produces rather than sold in their whole state?

      Rhetorical questions are generally annoying.

  7. thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
    1. misery.

      Thomas, I think you forgot your audience. Imagine someone who knows nothing whatsoever about chain stores reading this. What do they have to know to understand your points? What exactly do you want them to know?

    2. Chain stores were known for several hallmark features, which made them both successful and hated by independent grocers.

      Again, this whole sentence is at least three pages worth of description in a good research paper.

    3. The single biggest contributor to the success of chain stores was lower food prices for American consumers, which dramatically mitigated the financial burden of food.

      That sounds like an argument that ought to come first or second in this paper.

    4. They did so at the slight cost of replacing an inefficient and costly capitalist ownership structure with a new ownership structure that better served their needs.

      Again, there is much in this sentence that requires unpacking.

    5. While the saga of grocery chain stores in the United States

      This is too abrupt an entrance. You should have at least a few paragraphs setting up the saga. Remember, this is not a historiography paper.

    1. One supporter of Carver’s peanut milk was Henry Ford who preferred soy and peanut based milk to that of cow’s milk. In 1921, Ford said, “The cow is the crudest machine in the world. Our Laboratories have already demonstrated that cow’s milk can be done away with and the concentration of elements of milk can be manufactured into scientific food by machines far cleaner than cows.” [11] Carver had acquired a large amount of publicity for his contributions to peanut milk and had numerous offers to manufacture it. Unfortunately, he had found that he was not the first to make peanut milk.[12] Despite Carver’s and Ford’s attempts to popularize peanut milk as a healthier alternative in replace of cow’s milk, it was resisted by the market due to surplus in cow’s milk.[13] Carver’s attempt to popularize peanut milk

      Why on earth should we care?

    1. Eventually as colonial America would begin would begin to push forward into the country they would eventually discover that there was land here in America that could be used to harvest salt.

      Again, what's the timeframe for this paper?

    2. Even land that contain salt was very important to the people of the United States as there were even some laws that showed this.

      That is a terrible introductory sentence. The point needs to be explained much better.

    3. It would seem that a war about freedom and independence would not have anything to do with salt, but it did. During the war the British army did a great job of cutting off the continental’s army supply of salt,

      What does this have to do with salt mining?

  8. tannerghist493.wordpress.com tannerghist493.wordpress.com
    1. Packaging techniques in the modern day

      What scares me is that you're ten pages in and you're already going for the modern day. You need to be able to cover the past in a lot more detail in order to get 25 relevant pages.

    2. The FDA estimates that 79,000 cases of foodborne illness and 30 deaths each year are caused by foodborne illnesses from Salmonella.

      Is this the present? Is the present relevant?

    3. Between the 1940s and the present day, there were actually many changes made to the preservation and transportation of eggs, largely due to the distances they needed to travel to reach consumers, and also because of the risk of diseases that came with the poor handling of eggs.

      If your argument is a two-fer, then each point should be in separate sentences.

    1. (Paragraph on discrimination laws)

      For the most part, I actually like what you've written here, but I fear you might have trouble stretching this out to 25 pages unless you spend a LOT more time explaining and reacting to the facts you've found.

    2. Although there was much boasting happening about the National School Lunch Program in the 1950s there was huge holes in the program that inhibited fairness to all students.

      This is a REALLY important sentence. [It might even be your actual thesis.] It should be its own paragraph with a LOT of explanation following it.

    3. Since the enactment the National School Lunch Act, there has been an ongoing struggle to make the program more inclusive to students of all race and socioeconomic classes by making school lunch affordable to operate in districts nationwide.

      This is your thesis. It needs to be the start of a new paragraph and explained much better than this.

      Actually, the existence of the struggle isn't a thesis. It's a topic. You need to decide what you, Jessikah, want to say ABOUT that struggle.

    1. Report.”

      Dianne, You have a lot of good stuff here, but you HAVE to impose some order on it. Take your argument and explain as you go IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER how each point somehow proves your argument otherwise that fact doesn't belong in this paper.

    2. in the 1920s

      It is absolutely crucial that you impose some kind of chronological order on this paper. You are jumping all over the place in time and it is extremely confusing.

    3. Recipe books were written about popcorn and bacon, popcorn and vegetables and even popcorn taffy and as early as the nineteenth century

      This reminds me, I'd set your time frame somewhere earlier than this. I still don't know where your focus is gonna be.

    4. The popcorn industry has strategically and successfully advertised popcorn into becoming one of America’s favorite snack food.

      If this is the argument (and I'm guessing it is, I'd break this sentence off and then explain it as the next paragraph.

    1. This project could not have been created without the help of several sources.  First and foremost is the permission and support of both PepsiCo and the Coca-Cola Company to use their brands in my project.  Without this permission, the project would never have existed.  Second, is the original case study titled The Cola Wars by J. C. Louis and Harvey Z. Yazijian.  This source was published in 1980, which was right in the middle of the Cola Wars, but had extremely valuable information on how the Cola Wars began and how they were being fought well into the 1970s.  Third, is the autobiography The Other Guy Blinked: How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars by Roger Enrico.  This primary source was published immediately after the New Coke debacle, when Pepsi thought for sure they were finally going to control the cola market.  Enrico provided valuable insight into the inner workings of Pepsi at a time when every move was a calculated strike against Coca-Cola.  The final main source for my project was a collection of newspapers around the country which are posted online by the Google Newspaper Archive.  This allowed me to see how the nation as a whole was reacting to different aspects of the Cola Wars.  Had it not been for these newspapers, my project would have been lacking the input of the average American.

      This is EXACTLY the way I think a Scalar Bibliography page should look (although I think I prefer "Credits" for a Scalar).