1,843 Matching Annotations
  1. May 2021
    1. Gale Academic OneFile. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A491612882/AONE?u=usc&sid=AONE&xid=03610b91.

      You can cut this part. Also, I'd like to see your picture credits either here or in annotations on the pictures.

  2. Apr 2021
    1. everywhere

      Like the last page I saw, the narrative here is good. Just don't forget the theme of the book. The last paragraph of the page is a good place to circle back to that.

    1. The tradition of the Sun Dance was banned both in Canada and the United States.

      This is where you should tie it back stronger to your overall thesis in the book. The whole westward expansion thing. Be a bit more explicit about it in this paragraph.

    1. Apart from the bloody business of war the Mohawk people lived a life of farming and hunting.

      Different thought definitely belongs in this separate paragraph, but does it need its own page?

    1. Horses have served

      Begin the page with a who what where. Assume the reader knows nothing about the Cheyenne. Break down the ensuing paragraph into multiple paragraphs as the subject changes.

    1. Niitsítapi

      ]One of the hardest things to do in a project like this is to slow everything down so that you make sure everything is adequately explained before someone reads it. You can't just throw out a Native American name like this and assume readers know who you mean.

    1. with any differences.

      This is an awkward way to describe what you're doing. I'm not against you doing any of these things. I just think you should be able to explain what you're doing in a way that doesn't sound like an arbitrary list.

  3. Sep 2020
    1. Parallels of this sort of kinship can also be seen in the experiences of Colonel HenryBouquet during his campaigns of 1763-1764.

      I don't understand the organization of this paper at all.

    2. he African and black slave history is in many areas, and throughout many eras,inseparable from the stories of the colonized Native American populations.

      This isn't really helpful.

    3. This paper will dive into the historiography ofracial terms of identifiers for African descended, indigenous, and mixed peoples.

      Don't tell me what you're going to do. Do it.

    4. this paper will attempt to tell the living history

      That's only useful if you do so for the purpose of making a broader argument. I can't see what you're arguing yet and I should know by the end of paragraph one, even in a paper this size.

    1. Lastly, the way in which BlackAmericans lived and had always lived with their white owners was closely tied to the whiteculture around them leading to an exchange of ideas that the Natives who were kept at a physicaland psychological distance did not fully experience.

      This seems more like a starting point than an ending point for the whole essay.

    2. Why was it so much more difficult for Native Americans to give in the way ofcultural exchange, especially when it came to the fundamentals of religion?

      Skip rhetorical questions.

    3. This shared faith was less forced by white Americans and more soadopted and cherished by the searching Africans and their descendants

      Stick a bit more explanation of your point between Blassingame summaries

    4. HIS 491Romero, CheyenneTragically, the Native populations of the Americas historically experienced death, death,and more death during the conquest and colonization of their lands. With Native American’s tiesto their land, language, traditions, and family, etc., often largely intact or at least easier topreserve due to their abilities to remain in familiar environments, those who wished to enslavethem at worst and coexist with at best were faced with a greater challenge. The challenge ofcutting off the Native’s cultural ties in order to gain a cultural foothold. But, this, unfortunately,led to the lack of a new life for the Natives, the one that enslaved Africans found out ofnecessity. African Americans, cut off from their homelands, simply had to give birth to newgenerations that would know less and less of their heritage and culture. While generations ofNative Americans found themselves continually fighting to retain their heritage and culture thatwas always seeming so closely in reach

      This is a great paragraph? Why is it orphaned in the middle of your paper?

    5. Although it is notwise to generalize the entire American relationship with Native slaves based on this one instance,it is still an insightful story

      This isn't helpful

  4. Jun 2020
  5. Mar 2020
    1. A major theme of Johnson and Bailey is the usefulness of language for both the slavesand slave buyers/traders

      This seems an odd way to begin the last paragraph since it's a new idea, right? Either put it somewhere earlier or cut.

  6. Feb 2020
    1. [Discuss the false and ignorant general stereotypes of Africans (based on region) thatKolchin talks about on page 19.

      Not sure this helps with this particular question.

    2. Of Africanization Berlin writes on page 56 that it “marked a sharp deterioration in theconditions of slave life” (Berlin, 56). He continues on page 61 that “[w]ith the decline of whiteservitude, slaves could no longer take refuge in the standards established for English servants.”

      Definitely don't begin a paragraph with two quotes.

    3. Dependingon when and where, or where and when, the look and feel of slavery manifest in a plethora ofways.
      1. That's not a sentence. 2. This needs to go at the beginning of the paragraph so that you can explain what it means better than this.
    4. It is by this understanding of the transition from ​white​ to​ black​ labor(Africanization) that there can be a greater understanding of the origins and stages of Americanslavery (variants in slavery over time).

      It's another good point, but you need a few more sentences of explanation here. Tie back directly to your overall point.

    5. within the organization of their research lend to the ideathat slavery in America was not uniform nor was it free of fluctuation.

      That's their idea. Are you embracing it?

    6. American slavery was a system in which newer and deeper understandings of contrastingpoints are more important and more valuable than regurgitating familiar points that havetraditionally been explained without the necessary depth.

      I don't think that sentence works well. It just isn't clear to me what you mean.

    1. Slavery was not the same across the country.

      You haven't really changed this paragraph since the last time I read this. This sentence should be your first sentence in the paragraph. Everything else in the paragraph should explain those differences.

    1. “Were the variations in American slavery over time and across regions more historically significant than the similarities? Explain.”

      You don't have to include the question on your paper.

    1. However, as the initial reason for slaves may be to fill labor needs as Kolchin claims (as well asracism —surely) such reasons changed over time. As more and more colonizers, immigrants, andthen Americans populated America, it became clear that the importation of slaves was less aboutfilling jobs and more about hoarding wealth and protecting ​investments​.

      This is great, but again this would be better at the beginning of the paragraph rather than the end.

    2. American slavery was a system in which newerand deeper understandings of contrasting points are more important and more valuable thanregurgitating familiar points that have traditionally been explained without the necessary depth.

      This is a great sentence. I would rewrite the entire paragraph (saving a bit perhaps) with this as your first sen tence, nbot the last.

    3. The specific concepts of space and time which Kolchin and Berlin establish within theorganization of their research lend to the idea that American slavery was unique in a globalsense.

      You do not have to argue against your own position.

  7. Dec 2019
    1. he Ute people were found in what is nowMexico,New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Texasand Colorado.This expansion of the area they covered was due to the introduction of horses by the Spanish.1

      Never include a footnote in the first paragraph. Make your argument first. Then get into necessary background in the next paragraph.

    1. General Palmer not only affected the American West but created an entire section of its history. General Palmer’s railroad controlled the west, where the tracks were laid soon civilization followed.

      Look at that sentence. Try reading it aloud.

    2. Durango, Gunnison, Manitou, Pueblo,Cuchara, Salida are all cities Palmer brought his railroad to and invested heavily into.3

      More of this please. Less of how much Palmer loved Colorado.

    3. “both parties entrenched themselves and occupied their positions with armed men; one must remember thewild history of Western America to realize how little it would have taken to bring bloodshed. One rash word, one-shot, would have precipitated a tragedy.”25

      Why do you need to quote here? What purpose does it serve that paraphrasing wouldn't?

    4. Although it was common for railroad companiesto compete over a location Raton pass is different since ithas“canyon walls measuring 1,250 feet deep”, meaning that only one railroad would be able to control this pass.

      That is a terrible sentence.

    5. General Palmer quickly observedthat a swiftexpansion westwardwas needed and he volunteered himself to work as a surveyor for future railroad tracks.

      This sounds like you're just summarizing your sources because I STILL can't see your thinking in this paper.

    6. almer using his prior knowledge of horsemanship(from living on a farm)planned to form a cavalry regiment, “I have chosen the Cavalry arm of service because that is now most needed by the Govt., because I am a fair rider and because there is something about the Cavalry that accords more with my spirt than other arms.”6

      Never begin a paragraph with a quote. Analyze instead. Show that you're thinking.

    1. TheartifactsofMesaVerde,thehistory,aswellasthenaturalbeautyaddtotheattractionfortouriststovisittheregionforoveronehundredyears

      This sounds like a tourist brochure.

    2. WetherillMesa

      So your fundamental problem here is that you're just summarizing what you're reading, with no effort to prove your original argument or lay down the basic information needed for me to understand any of this stuff.

    3. ThisprotectionwasdoneasarecognitionofMesaVerdeasavaluablehistoricalsite,withpricelessartifactsanddwelling.

      What does this have to do with why Mesa Verde succeeded? Isn't that the argument of your paper?

    4. MesaVerde’sarchaeologicalparkstatushasalsoledittobeingnamedaWorldHeritagesitebytheUN,showingthatMesaVerdestillhasimpact.

      This is all description. I want to see analysis in the first paragraph, then necessary background info, then your research.

    1. There is evidencethat Wyatt Earp did play well with law enforcement and joined in on maintaining the peace in many western towns more than once, though the motives are only known to Earp himself.

      Run on sentence.

    2. Wyatt Earp (1848-1929) was an American West “cowboy”figure that has been represented by Hollywood and select biographies as a man of law and order, whereas facts present a contradictoryman that was involved in the law as much as he was running from it.

      Why is this underlined. Also, this should definitely be two sentences.

    1. Limerick, Patricia Nelson.The Legacy of Conquest: The Unbroken Past of the American West, 88. New York: W.W. Norton, 2006.

      None of these bibliography entries are Turabian either.

    2. Overall, the New Deal was largely successful in transforming negative attitudes Westerners had of government to a working relationship with government, which displayed American ingenuity.

      You absolutely did not prove that here. Indeed, I fprgot that was your argument pages ago until I saw you bring it up here (rightfully) at the end.

    3. “In October 1939, for example, 7,063 Indians receivedold-age assistance, 4,125 receivedaid to dependent children assistance, and 550 sight-impaired Indians secured aid to the blind”.1

      Pasting quotes inside texts is not the same as arguing a point.