Therace that placed themselvesabove others could alter how racism was used and who it was used against to get what they want.
I don't think this is a particularly sharp argument. You should be able to say something more interesting than "Racism was racist."
Many sought a conversion to be accepted in this new society however racist whites never believed they could be equal, “Anglos could not conceive of a citizenship in which Mexicans could participate (1-243).”
Don't begin paragraphs with quotes.
Book 1
Don't do this.
does
Past tense.
1-pg.19
Which source is this?
Religion was associated with race so any action that the Native Americans took was an action that was against the government.
I like this point, but it needs to be explained more.
Religion became a further aspect of race.
That doesn't help at all.
Religion became a wayofcategorizing racism in the west, a specific race was associated with a specific religion.
It's a good point, but does this work with Indians?
“Before night I doubt if either buck or squaw... will be left to tell the tale of this day (2-11).”
All quotations need to be introduced.
2
Author's last name, please.
Each ethnic group faces a degree of racism, however,the further and further west one delves it becomes less ethnic and more appropriated to specific categories.Blacks, yellows, whites, browns, and Savagesor the more radical whites and non-whites.Each category although sharing a similar skin color are completelydifferent, the western system in place disregarded ethnicity focusedon impressions. Culturally Japanese and Chinese are extremely different yet they enter one category because they haveasimilar skincolor. Culturally Russians and Irish are extremely different yet they enter one category because they haveasimilar skincolor.
I don't think this helps. It's very unclear to me what you're trying to say.
have yet to write anintroduction
I actually think that's a pretty good strategy. Let your argument come organically from the smaller points you make as you cover the material.
was unbalanced to say the least.
Make the argument in different, thoughtful words at the end. Don't just assert it.
n hopes of distracting consumers from the food poisoning accusations.
How does all of this help you make your overall argument?
East
eastern
lead
led
The East conveniently created the image and life style of the cowboy.
How do you know?
The grazing land was so important for the cattle ranchers to have because it had been recognized that there was a market for the meat and that it could be a profitable business(Specht, pg. 29)
Begin paragraphs with your thinking, not Specht's.
from.
This is a very good intro (with an argument that rocks) but don't end sentences with prepositions.
one of them being the relationship between the East and the West.
But what is that relationship, exactly?
n the end the eastern central meatpackers reigned supreme.
How do you know?
does a good job
Why is this good?
Table
Cut all of this stuff.
Slaughterhouse
I just realized that your subsections match his chapters. That is absolute proof that you're summarizing him far too much. Your argument, your organization. Not his.
The ranchers were desperate to sell their cattle and didn’t have much of a choice.
There's too much book summary in this paper and not enough arguing.
Author Specht
who?
The East had little idea about what went into cattle ranching and the different world that revolved around it.
How do you know?
Range
See above.
To understand how this relationship, sparked through the production of cattle-beef, between the American West and East developed over the course of the late late-nineteenth and early twentieth centuries it is important to start at the beginning.
This whole sentence gets you nowhere.
“where cattle represented the first signs of civilization”(30). T
The first paragraph is for your arguments, not for quotes.
Centralized or Family Oriented?
That wasn't actually the question you were asked.
The relationship between the regions in this sense is the burdens of risk and cost taking place in the West as the East ben
That's good. Put it in your new first paragraph.
and even
No need to do this.
he cattle-beef complexwas also prosperous in the West due to the lack of interest those in the East took to worker
Good argument, but why the lck of interest?
As noted in
Don't do this.
eap beef, Easterners allowed for the largest land giveaway from the government to the rail
Easterners allowed?
it to
OK, what exactly does this have to do with the question you were asked?
ing ranchers to replace the Bison
nope.
af
beef
of
bison
The West viewed as a wide-openspace empty from inhabitance and ready to embrace the Easts idea of Manifest Destiny is far from the reality.
That's a really awkward sentence.
caused tension between the east and west
This is the thread that will make a good argument. You have to do that right out of the gate though. Don't bury your answer at the end.
This fueled the power struggle between the east and west.
Need more explanation.
Grants main focus remained on the tensions between the north and south for the remainder of his presidency.
Still book summary. Also, quoting the book every once in a while would help.
he was the 18th President of the United States
cut this.
the Native Americans.
This is getting into Specht territory, but it's still just a book summary. You need to make an argument that answers the question.
The west and east had their own issues and disagreements throughout the expansion and the late 1900’s.
None of this paragraph really helps you. You have a question to answer, an argument to make. You need to do that right away so that you have time to elaborate on it.
he West became dependent on the Government, the East became dependent on the cattle/beef that was brought in and the West became dependent on the income of the East. It became a system of use although as pointed out certain dynamics always gained, it was constantly around the system of dependency.
This might make a very good argument for the whole paper.
The East
Not only is this paragraph too long, it is far to late in the paper for you to start directly addressing the question you ere asked. Move this part up to teh front and elaborate on it a lot.
Roosevelt’s
Who?
complete monopoly.
Oligopoly. There was more than one packer.
“The
Again, you need to introduce ALL quotes.
cart
car
“Former
Introduce all quotes! They can't just float in teh middle of paragraphs like islands.
elsewhere.
This is an OK summary of Specht, but I need to see more of your thinking. What is your answer to the question you were asked?
America.
I can't tell what you're arguing here.
Attaining lands through wars with the Native people, raising cattle on these newly taken land, selling cattle to the market and eventually landing on every American’s table.
Not a sentence either.
table
That isn't a sentence.
War to
Please double space.
“Consumer’s
Introduce the quote! Like you do elsewhere in teh paper.
Governments
Government's
demand for
demanded
East coast transplantsto the westleveraged connectionsback home to secure monies from places like New York and Boston.
What kind of money? Details?
today
You still don't have the relationship worked out well enough to describe it. What IS it? What was the physical evidence of that relationship?
Theinteractionbetweenthesetworegionsnotonlyshapedthemselves,butalsothenationasawhole.
This doesn't mean anything.
Roosevelt
who?
leads
verb tense problem
ThefinalpiecesoftherelationshipwiththeEasternandWesternUSresidewithintherealmofregulations/politicsandsocietalinteractions.
That doesn't really say anything.
Thisquote
Awkward
withgreaterrisk
Again, great point but this doesn't work as a sentence.
TheEasternmarketswerealwaysthegoalofranchersintheWest.
For the cattle.
ThequotefromSpechtreflectsthispoint
Not a good way to introduce a quote.
ThemilitaryandrancherrelationshipwereaprecursortothenextaspectoftheEast/Westdynamiciseconomicdevelopment.
Good thought but that sentence is a mess.
theEastusedthepreconceivednotionsoftheNativestofostermoreconquest.
Good point!
didn’t
Don't use contractions in formal papers.
WiththecreationoftheWestregion,asdefinedbytheEasternUnitedStates,definedwhattodowiththeland(cattle)andthemoralrighttoperformthisconquest,buthowdidtheEastmaintaincontroloverthisvastarea?
Break this up into pieces. It's a very good argument worded very awkwardly.
thattheEastwasalwaystheendresultofWesternproduction
That's the whole ballgame, isn't it? Can you unpack it for a few sentences though?
ThisidealwaspartoftheEasternUnitedStateswaspartofthefuelforexpansion,romanticizestoriesthatmotivatedsettlerstocontinuethestruggle,thattheyknewtheproperwaytousethelandandallotheruseswereinadequatetothemodernworld.
Bad sentence, good thought.
populace
Wrong word
efactooutpos
huh?
Specht
Who?
s
verb tense problems.
ntrinsicallyconnectedandhadastronginterconnection.
That means the same thing.
Specht,pg1
The first paragraph should be all about your arguments, not quotes. Save the quotes for the body of your paper.
ThedevelopmentofthebeefindustrytouchesalloftheinteractionwiththeWestandtheEast,politics,militaryexpansion,andeconomicaswellassocietalgrowthofthecountryasawhole.
I actually like this sentence very, very much. The problem is that it would take a whole paragraph to explain it adequately. I would actually cut everything up to this point, make this your first sentence and then explain it for four or five sentences.
opportunists
opportunities?
Eastcoast
East Coast
question
Still summarizing. I need to know what YOU think.
“The rise and fall of corporate ranching decisively shaped the cattle-beefcomplex
So?
Joshua Specht wrote “Blizzards decimated the industryduring the late 1800s (Specht 2019, 70).”
Good example of a quote that doesn't need to be there. Why can't you just write this in your own words and footnote it? What does quoting him get you?
a chanceto grow
I think the problem is that you're just summarizing the book. You need to use the book that makes an argument that answers the question. What is your argument going to be?
tails
tales
agreed to assist the ranchers.
Really? Examples?
1Specht, Joshua. 2019. "Red Meat Republic ."By Joshua Specht, 22. New Jersey : Princeton University Press
Craziest footnote I've ever seen. Paranthetical references are fine for now.
centuries.
I don't see what your argument is. You say you're addressing teh question, but you don't address the question.
role beef played in shaping and changing America.
Actually, plenty of books did before Specht. Look at his footnotes.
I will discuss
Never say what you're going to do. Just do it.
Red Meat Republic
italics
today.
Are there any other sources that you used that are worth mentioning here?
Chicano Studies Collection
I thought its name is the "Chicano Movement Collection."
Credits
You need to give the formal name of the collection here and explain that almost all the pictures and information comes from it.
Freddie "Freak" Trujillo
You know his real name isn't Freddie, right?
https://pulpnewsmag.com/writers-of-el-movimiento-pueblo-chicanos-still-face-same-issues-from-the-1970s-683819f68ecd
Again, caption the pictures. Put the link to outside pictures in an annotation to teh caption.
has survived
Huh? Didn't it end in 1987?
Many examples
Aren't there more or better protest pictures?
Another important piece of the boycott against the Coors Beer Company was left up to the public sphere. The public's role, and perhaps the most important role, can be broken up into several categories.The organizing of peaceful demonstration, monetary donations (in order to cover the costs of running a nation-wide boycott), the support of unions and workers, and simply the support of neither purchasing nor consuming Coors products.
Fix the paragraph formatting.
was in the public domain.
Not the right way to put this.
wither heavily effected
???
Each type of support, no matter how big or small, all added up into what became a major piece in the stories of Coors Beer, politics, Colorado history, and the Chicano Movement (El Movimiento).
How exactly? Explain.
specifically Chicano/a communities, the head figures/leaders of the Boycott or the spokespersons if you will, and the general public more broadly
That list is very awkwardly worded.
While the focus of this project is to cover the Coors Boycott, the Chicano Movement's role, and boycott's eventual outcome, it is important to discuss the Coors family's responses to the criticisms of the alleged malpractices of the Coors family and Coors Company.
Cut this whole sentence. It is inside baseball that serves no purpose.
The Colorado State University archives are a great resource for such information of the support for Coors as well as their views on the effects of the Boycott which has lasted for decades.
Move this to your credits page.
it was found
Who found it? Don't use passive voice.
facotrs
factors
Communities
communities
Washington
It's just the Heritage Foundation, I believe. It is located in Washington.
For many people in the 1960's and the 1970's
1960s and 1970s
The Coors family, especially Joseph Coors, actively supported conservative politicians.
Pictures of family members here seems like a no-brainer.
Coors'
The views of his heirs are what matters, right?
960's and 1970's
1960s and 1970s
Louis
Louise?
https://www.millercoorsblog.com/people/from-stowaway-to-brewery-magnate-tracing-the-history-of-adolph-coors/
Caption the picture. Put the link in as an annotation to the caption.
is
was
No description available.
Every picture needs some kind of caption.
Anti-Coors Cartoon
Weren't you gonna hide the title here?
Coors Beer.Scalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/coors-boycott/media/anti-coors-cartoon (version 2)Source URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/coors-boycott/media/rsz_img014.jpg (image/JPEG)dcterms:titleAnti-Coors Cartoondcterms:descriptionA political cartoon dipicting the literal crushing of Coors Beer.View asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTMLAnti-Coors CartoonAlcohol and politics have been directly linked since prohibition in the 1920s. Issues dealing with its legality, its effects, and the ways in which it is sold is often the focus on debates when it comes to the idea of beer and politics. Many people find most of their issues with the product itself and do not focus on where it all came from. The Coors Boycott in 1966, which continues still today, changed this mindset as politics and beer went further into understanding the manufacturing and labor forces that go into making these products. Opposition to the Adolph Coors Company mainly centered on three issues. First, the company did not support the organization of labor forces often using a variety of union busting tactics. Second, critics claimed that Coors hiring practices discriminated against Hispanics/Latinos, African-Americans, women, and those of the LGBT community. Finally, members of the Coors family, particularly Joseph Coors, actively supported and funded conservative politicians and organizations that worked against basic rights of their workers that they had been discriminating against. This page has paths: 1 media/Coors Boycott.jpg 2019-03-04T03:09:12+00:00 Bryana Owens 2315aa736d0f2db2336fa1d85863a1577ccb81f0 The Coors Boycott Cheyenne, Bryana, Naomi 4 The Influence of the Chicano Movement in the Laborforce book_splash 2019-03-05T18:33:18+00:00 Cheyenne, Bryana, Naomi 366c519e9e71a9d3a9837fedd4b7faabd765a585 Contents of this path: 1 2019-02-21T18:09:04+00:00 Beer and Politics: An Introduction 9 An introduction to the who, what, when, and where of the Coors Boycott plain 2019-04-11T18:02:02+00:00 Contents
Date for the flyer?
First, the company did not work well with organized labor forces often using a variety of union busting tactics.
I don't really know what that means.
in 1966
Until when?
Beer
You're gonna need some pictures on this page.
Today
What was it like for Coors immediately after the boycott ended? Did it affect their bottom line?
strive
thrive
Coors
This paragraph needs to be broken up into appropriate pieces.
An aspect of great importance to the Coors Boycott was the letters of support received by so many different groups, individuals, unions, etc.
You covered this last page! I'd drop that timey part there or reference this.
The diversity among the groups and individuals who supported the boycott of Coors beer shows just how universal the outrage of discrimination is between differing marginalized groups of the United States;
How exactly do you know that all of this really helped the cause?
staff.
Should there be aa path from this page to somewhere else?
The opposition to the Coors company was derived from three specific reasons: the conservative politics of the company's president, Joe Coors, the company's stance on labor unions, and most of all the discriminatory practices of the Coors Brewing Company against Chaicano, Black, and LGBT peoples.
You're going back over things. This sentence should be at a higher level of the narrative on the Scalar.
Company
company
recount
account
Cicanos
Chicanos
organizations reparations
Reparations? For what, exactly?
Timeline
Good idea. Are you using the timeline function in Scalar?
he perceived
What does this have to do with the History of Sourdough in the American West?
Jack
I'm dead serious. Kill the Sourdough Jack stuff. It just makes you look desperate for material.
estination.
No pictures? Really?
ound.
Needs more pictures. This history is pre-1923. You can take anything.
Lactobacillus sanfranciscensis
italics
Wonder bread
Wonder Bread
localities.
Needs more pictures.
The oldest leavened bread is over five thousand years old and was found during an excavation in Switzerland.
What does this have to do with the American west?
Illustration
I guess make that three pages.
Shrimping is not an easy life.
This is a good page, but why pack everything into one long page? Two pages will give people more to click for.
goingmywayz.com.
The commercial photos might get you in trouble.
Fried Shrimp
Cut everything on this page that isn't gulf-related.
Shrimp Gumbo
That's a gulf dish. This page only works if the dishes are gulf dishes. I expect to see jambalaya momentarily.
switched.
Too much of this page is waaaaay off your topic. I would cut it severely as it taints the other good stuff.
Popular Culture
Popular culture.
sizzlefish.com.
Find a non-commercial shrimp picture.
can.
Consider multiple pages on this topic.
Line-up of Vietnamese-American owned shrimp boats in Bayou La Batre, Alabama. Photo courtesy of Voice of America News.
Again, play with layout because this caption looks like text.
Shrimp Industry
shrimp industry
Photo courtesy of Mississippi Museum of Historical Photography.
This one in particular is a gigantic caption. Moving the credit to an annotation helps with that.
Trawl Nets
trawl nets
Photo courtesy of Becky Eldredge.
Did Becky Eldridge agree to let you use the picture?
There are bay and coastal shrimpers,
Has there been a map yet? I'd put a map of the region early. Possibly even before "What Is a Shrismp?"
reviously.
This is a good page, but I might consider breaking it into two parts.
Century
century
Century
century
This is the Brown Shrimp.
This is an awkward way to present a picture coming 4 or 5 sentences later. Oh wait, it's below the previous picture. You've gotta group the pictures and texts better. Try playing with the page layout.
States
states
Photo courtesy of statesymbolsusa.org.
Photo credits should be annotations to the captions and ideally would include links.
What are Shrimp?
What Are Shrimp?
shrimpers.
This is good, but it isn't brief enough. Try to get it down to one paragraph and have a really eye-grabbing picture.
I still believe this. Use the extra content on whatever the next page is or write a new one.
A Brief Primer to this Project
Don't go under the hood like this. Title and subtitle this page about the content, not the project itself.
Gulf of Mexico Shrimp
There should be a link here to the one paragraph intro. You know, the blue rectangle with text in it.
Socorro County.
So this paper is all narrative so far. How exactly does it connect back to the argument that you started making at the beginning.
Vi
vigilantes
Howard Bryan
Who?
Socorro County
Where?
long and illustrious career.
I'm still not sure what he did for a living.
This would be but 1one of many of Elfego’s escapes from racial injustices.
This is intriguing. Why not explain more?
it would be the Frisco shootout that would come to define his character and make him what many called the last of the frontier lawman.
I assume this is going to be your argument. It requires a lot more explanation than this.
Elfego Baca’s role in the Frisco shootout
Who? What? When? You can't just start ion the middle of everything and assume that everyone can follow you. I certainly can't.
vineyards.
Footnotes?
day.
What's your argument? Why is this significant? Why is this even Western?
I’m sure that this story will be the same
Don't undercut your own credibility in the first sentence of your paper. Just don't.
“Soon,
Sigh.
Montoya
Who?
“United
INTRODUCE ALL QUOTES!!!
The workers knew that their labor made this world go around.
That's actually highly-debatable.
“In the years before the 1913-1914 strike, the company had been rocked by a series of fatal mine explosions--19 dead at Tercio in 1904, 19 killed at Cuatro in 1906, 24 dead at Primero in 1907, and 75 killed also at Primero in 1910. Even in 1911, a year with no massive mine explosions on CF&I property, 22 company miners died from fatal accidents.”8
Definitely no need to quote me here. Use the numbers. Then footnote them to me.
“The shift from migration to mass mobilization as a strategy for betterment, the translation of underground tensions into surface conflicts, the coalescence of local disputes into regional and national strikes, the union of fragmented identities and narrowly defined interests in collective movements championing the rights of coalfield migrants as workers, citizens, and human beings--these and other trends seemed at the tipping point.”
For the 12,000th time, introduce all quotes!!!! Or maybe not use a quote.. Might this work better as a paraphrase (with footnote at the end)?
Thomas G. Andrews,
So you're introducing him here on the third quote?
Andrews
Who?
today
So the problem in this paragraph is that you haven't done the necessary research on all mining camps to explain why the ones in Colorado are unique. They weren't all that different than Montana, for example. Can you get a Colorado-specific explanation of the significance here perhaps? Anything that stands on its own will do.
the rules
What rules?
onward
I think this whole first paragraph is just spinning your wheels. I can't even tell your subject matter yet, let alone your argument. Both these things should be very clear from the very beginning.
Killing for Coal
So this isn't even close to proper Turabian format. You're gonna have to fix this by Tuesday.
Department.
The Bibliography is REQUIRED. In proper Turabian format too.
Bibliography
This is a good bibliography for a hard to research subject.
Susan and Mary faced the same problems when it came to gender inequality
Try moving this paragraph to the very beginning, after the first one about woman doctors in general. It will better inform all of the analysis you offer afterwards.