- Sep 2018
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moreorlessbunk.net moreorlessbunk.net
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westerners’
No apostrophe.
-
W
The place should be capitalized. The direction should not be capitalized.
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What is taken away from the past can create good or evil,
Which is which?
-
Frontier, then, in an unsubtle concept in a subtle world. Even so, the idea of the frontier is obviously worth studying as a historical artifact. The idea played an enormous role in national behavior, but so did the ideas of savagery and civilization, concepts that are currently not well respected as analytic terms. I certainly do not discount the power of the concept “frontier” in American history. My point is that historian is obligated to understand how people saw theirown times, but not obligated to adopt their terminology and point of view.”(25)
If a quotation is over five lines long, it should be single-spaced and indented. Incidentally, the final paper should be double-spaced.
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nation to come together
How so?
-
West
western
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The history of the West created many avenues that isstill used today in many areas of life; Individualism, classes, racisms, economy, and freedom of choice.
This strikes me as the best bet for a good argument that answers the question. I'd cut the whole paragraph up this point and try to expand upon these thoughts.
-
w
West
-
education
This whole sentence is very confusing.
-
brought about the nation’s future
Too vague.
-
cowboy’s and Indian’s
No apostrophes.
-
c
Capital "C"
-
- Apr 2018
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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The CF&I Today
Why is a page on the CF&I today labeled "A Lesson in Futility?"
-
In 2006, Evraz Corporation purchases Oregon Steel Mill holdings.
This feels completely out of context. How did we get from 1927 to here?
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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tyrant.
So on a Scalar that's about the 1927 strike, this is the only page that's actually about the 1927 strike?
-
one of the most successful
How many were there in that period?
-
Sign posted during the IWW strike of 1927
Good picture (which I have never seen)!
-
1300 block of Abriendo - "Italian store"1500 block of Spruce - headquarters for printing of strike and propaganda literature1200 block of Boehman - educational site for IWW members to learn of similar events happening nationally and worldwideTampico Pool Hall which served as a popular Greek pool hall where much IWW activity occurred
Irrespective of the wisdom of lists, none of this makes grammatical sense.
-
$7.50 per day
You still need to fix your fonts.
-
Taken from: "Industrial Solidarity" Official Organ of the Industrial Workers of the World, Wednesday, October 12, 1927 (The Steelworks Center of the West)
Damn it. It is. Yes, you credit it so nobody is going to fail, but I expect you to write the history of this strike almost entirely in your own words. This is not the seventh grade, after all.
-
Overall, the IWW deemed it a successful strike. About 10,000 Coloradans decided to strike.The IWW demands of the strike:
You just switched fonts. If I find that any of this project is cut and pasted from other web sites every single one of you is going to fail this course. No exceptions. Period.
-
Sacco and Vanzetti
Who?
-
Through
though
-
Ludlow strike
What was the Ludlow Strike?
-
WW
Who are the IWW?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
them.
What was the IWW doing in Colorado in 1927?
-
Having
Spacing?
-
The IWW
Where did the IWW come from? Why did they form?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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CF&I Chronology
You HAVE to fix your paths! This leads to the same page, labeled differently.
-
According to the Steelworks Center and Dr. Jonathan Rees,
Cut!!!!!
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927-1928 The Strike
OH! So this is the timeline! I'd write it as a narrative. It's easier to understand that way.
-
Beginning with 1904:
This is odd punctuation. Why not just write in complete sentences?
-
statutes.
There should be a path to travel on at the end of this paragraph.
-
New Deal
So the narrative this doesn't fit is the IWW narrative. The IWW was supposedly dead when the government attacked it during WWI. This strike proves it wasn't.
-
grand narrative that has been constructed for labor history which says that the great period of industrial upheaval which began roughly about the time of the Great Railway Strike of 1877 ended in the wave of patriotism caused by America’s entry into World War I
I have a PhD in American labor history and that's not the grand narrative at all.
-
tidily
neatly
-
20th Century
,
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Trujillo
Fix the spacing too.
-
"They were always a pain in the ass. You know? This is why we started, mainly because we had to start a newspaper here to give the viewpoint of what the hell is really going on. Because you talk about “yellow journalism?” These suckers, I mean they’re—and they don’t change. You know? They don’t change because they don’t care, " (La Cucracha interview, 10-11).
- Who said this? 2. Introduce the quote!!!!!!!! 3. Fix the font.
-
Trujillo claims
Again this reminds me that not once have I read Trujillo's exact words anywhere in this Scalar.
-
opposition to the newspape
How can people be opposed to a newspaper?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Juan "Freddie Freak" Trujillo was a part of multiple chicano activism movements throughout the years, initially in Boulder, Colorado
This feels like you're going backwards as we already knew this.
-
culture
Needs more pictures. For a section on a newspaper, it should be overflowing with pictures of the paper at least.
-
One
Fix the paragraph spacing!
-
His Role in La Cucaracha as well as the newspaper's impact.
Needs better title.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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narrative
This page seems much better now.
-
news
Much more, please.
-
Trujillo was a lithographer by trade
Interesting!
-
May 1976 to September 1983
Why exactly is this important?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
barley growths
What exactly is a "barley growth?"
-
issue
,
-
affiliates
???
-
Juan Trujillo
Call him one thing through teh whole presentation, please.
-
Coors.
Center the media.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
1
1,
-
Moment
Huh?
-
financial aid crisis
Why was their a financial aid crisis at the university?
-
financial dire
This doesn't make grammatical sense.
-
in two different explosions
Who set off the bombs? Why? The passive voice is hiding an important story here. This HAS to be expnded.
-
was a contributing factor
What else?
-
In May 1974
How long was he in Boulder?
-
-
-
La Fiesta de la Gente
Which is what?
-
Protests at Boulder
year?
-
.
,
-
it
What's it? And here would be a good place for an actual Trujillo quotation.
-
CU
Remember, people far away from Colorado will be reading this. Will they know this abbreviation?
-
You can see why this caused such friction with UMAS and fellow Chicano activists and the top brass at CU Boulder.
Bad way to end the page. Write precisely, not based on assumptions about your readers.
-
Freak
Trujillo
-
He
Nope.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Freddie Freak
Trujillo
-
activision
activism
-
for being nuttier than a fruit cake. He tried to drink himself to death.
The man is still alive, right? Perhaps then you should try to treat this topic with a little more subtlety?
-
He asked one
Can you quote the guy a few times? About anything, really. It seems weird to have a whole biographical Scalar and never be able to read the man's actual words.
-
from Denver to Boulder
Date?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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UMAS
Is "Life Before College" better?
-
absorbed the hippie culture
Date?
-
admitted himself into the Fort Logan Mental Health Center
Date??? And where was it?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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months
You still haven't fixed the font. You also need to fix the line spacing using the source code.
-
Before he was born in 1938
Cut this.
-
1950’s.
- This all needs to be in the same font.
- I think you're going over pieces of the larger bio.
- Pictures HAVE to be bigger.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Coors Stand
AT CSU-Pueblo, right? How can you leave out teh fact that it was at CSU-Pueblo?
-
populous
population?
-
Juan "Freddie Freak" Trujillo was an activist born in Trinidad, CO in 1938.
Don't repeat the exact same words on multiple pages!
-
today
Good page!
-
the
cut
-
In
Pictures here HAVE to be bigger - and at least captioned.
-
“UMAS”
Gotta introduce the whole name before you use the acronym.
-
Freddie Freak
Trujillo
-
in Pueblo, CO
When?
-
of the late 1960s to early 1970s
He's from Pueblo, right? Doesn't that deserve prominent mention?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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today.
I think this whole paragraph still needs a little polishing.
-
UMAS
So you're using the UMAS acronym here without defining it. That's bad. I'd take it out, instead speaking about his activities in general terms.
-
No description available
Caption your pictures. Also, can you center this?
-
took part
Dates (like when he was born and when he was most active would be really helpful setting the scene.
-
ignored
This page has the right idea, but needs more work.
-
massively impactful
You need maybe a sentence or two describing that impact right here.
-
was
Page needs a picture. Maybe two or three from different stages of his life?
-
Juan "Freddie Freak" Trujillo, and his major contributions to the chicano movement
I know why you did this, but I'd just title it "Juan 'Freddie Freak' Trujillo"
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emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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Weisbrod Aircraft Museum
Do they have a web site you can link to here?
-
Peachy
Why make a big deal over this one plane?
-
childhood.
Much more here and in this whole section, please.
-
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emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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Another way
Try not to make the text sound like a list.
-
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emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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Pueblo Ordnance Depot
Why does a government facility need its business driven up?
-
Economic Benefits
Why not lead this section with this instead of Peachy? Isn't it more historically significant?
-
whole
Good page.
-
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emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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contributing to American economics
Not the right wording to make that point.
-
later
This is actually a pretty good page. Short, but not too short. Very informative.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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Introduction
Can you think of a snappier title for this page?
-
The project also highlights the diversity of the base with the Chinese training groups, and the Women's Airforce Service Pilot squadron.
I would consider highlighting the community effects instead of mentioning diversity here. [None of the stuff on this page is actually an order from me. Just raising some possibilities.]
-
only active for a short period of time
Maybe give the exact dates here instead? Like in a biography.
-
Pueblo Army Air Base Overview
Can you title this a little better? Also, how about an actual one-paragraph overview here that will get people to keep reading?
-
Pueblo Army Air Base Overview 1 media/Peachy Engine.JPG 2018-04-03T19:43:45+00:00 Michael moore 7fa600d4a8c911a44b15d289a27f52f9285a17d3 1 11 plain 2018-04-10T18:58:19+00:00 Shanon Sinclair 4f23e779211ab47a325b120a69e867622e259292 Contents
You all were going to do these with splash pages, right?
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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war.
This is a very impressive page.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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military
This is a good page.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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tactical group
Groups of who?
-
Two
Longer and complete sentences, please.
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Trained
Complete sentences, please.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
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a training base
Need to fix the font.
-
Pueblo
This would make an OK first paragraph. Use the best parts fro the earlier page. Leave the details here. Also, expand upon those details at least a bit.
-
The Chieftain, 125th Commemorative Edition, May 30, 1993, p7DD.
Is all that a quote? It's not clear and that's a problem.
-
On December 10th, 1941 President Franklin D. Roosevelt designated Pueblo, Colorado as a Defense Area creating expectations of operations which would affect the business life of the city. It was learned on December 21 that Pueblo had definitely been selected for the location of an ammunition storage facility. On December 27, 1941 The War Department obtained 3700 acres of land through condemnation and purchases from private owners to construct the Pueblo Army AirBase (PAAB) approximately four miles east of the city limits of Pueblo. Concurrently, land was being obtained for construction of the Pueblo Ordnance Depot (POD) just north of North Avondale.
You have source code problems. This comes from cutting and pasting out of Word. Someone will need to hit the source code button in Scalar and clean this up to unify formats.
-
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Herbie's Story
It feels like you need to work on your paths here. Just navigating things via the paths at the bottom left me going back over the same stuff multiple times. There's a visualization tool under the compass that will help you see the connections. I would spend a little time adding and clarifying those connections to make sure the site is easy to navigate.
-
Herbie's Story
More please
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
McClleland 38 image_header 2018-04-26T19:59:50+00:00 Angelique Urenda 84f19c42f68ef12327e8a0bfdc3332a36ff4bc6d 1 media/McClleland current- outside .jpg media/Screen Shot 2018-03-08 at 1.54.58 PM.png 2018-03-06T21:03:45+00:00 Angelique Urenda 84f19c42f68ef12327e8a0bfdc3332a36ff4bc6d McClleland 38 image_header 2018-04-26T19:59:50+00:00 Angelique Urenda 84f19c42f68ef12327e8a0bfdc3332a36ff4bc6d 1 media/Lincoln Home statue plaque.jpg media/lincoln home6.jpg 2018-03-06T21:00:00+00:00 Katelyn Olds, Angelique Urenda, Amanda Arszman, Lisa Butler, Chanel James f7b768c49f57a86b3626ea10bcee0a7e9e996241 Lincoln Home 48 image_header 2018-04-26T20:08:40+00:00 Katelyn Olds, Angelique Urenda, Amanda Arszman, Lisa Butler, Chanel James f7b768c49f57a86b3626ea10bcee0a7e9e996241 1 media/McClleland current- outside .jpg media/Screen Shot 2018-03-08 at 1.54.58 PM.png 2018-03-06T21:03:45+00:00 Angelique Urenda 84f19c42f68ef12327e8a0bfdc3332a36ff4bc6d McClleland
How is McClelland coming up three times in this path?
-
Ave
Ave. or Avenue
-
O
o
-
Protest
???
-
funded.
What happened after 1910?
-
In the state of Colorado, a town called Pueblo, began the quest to open a much needed orphanage.
Cut this entire sentence.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Pueblo’s
That doesn't even look like an indent.
-
Lincoln Home
You've messed up the path here. The next step should be McClelland.
-
A picture
How old is this picture???
-
2713 North Grand
This needs to be MUCH bigger. I particularly want to see you all address the racial dynamics that required a colored orphan home outside the south?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
an influential part of the city.
but why exactly?
-
-
-
now.
Put this page on a path to something else.
-
The transformations that have occurred throughout the three orphanages in the city are important aspects of the history.
because...
-
The
Remember, we talked about a drop page with an excellent old picture going right before all of this.
-
-
-
1927
This whole project has proved to be a gigantic disappointment to me. There is almost no narrative here in your own words and it doesn't come close tp holding together into a coherent story. I don't think you can save it in a week without doing an ENORMOUS amount of work, but I guess I still might be surprised....
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
The
Fix the font.
-
-
-
For the Fifty years prior to 1927, the struggles in the Colorado mines had been a flashpoint for labor
Yet again, none of this sounds like you all.
-
-
-
The Preamble of the IWW
Once again, you offer absolutely no context whatsoever.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Lowell May and Richard Meyers, Slaughter in the Serene the Columbine coal strike reader, (Denver: P&L Printing, 2005).
You've had 13 weeks to describe this strike and all you have for me is quotations from Slaughter in the Serene? Unacceptable.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
1. Lowell May, Richard Myers,. Slaughter in the Serene the Columbine coal strike reader: Denver: P&L Printing, 2005.pg 272.Lowell May, Richard Myers,. Slaughter in the Serene the Columbine coal strike reader: Denver: P&L Printing, 2005.pg 47
No. Just no.
-
-
-
Murfin, Patrick. “The Strike of 1927.” Colorado Fuel and Iron, 30 Nov. 2015, scalar.usc.edu/works/the-colorado-fuel-and-iron-company/the-strike-of-1927.
We've been over this already too. Credits need to be tied to the pictures they come from.
-
Coal
This is unacceptable. I want narrative writing, not a bunch of quotes strung together with little or no explanation.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
hour workday.
Why stop the chronology there?
-
The Seeds of Change
Terrible title. Just say "CF&I Chronology"
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Source: Picasa
I really don't think I'd use the picture of Bev. Just thank her, others and then list your sources. Even if you don't speak to Trujillo, thank him for donating his papers to CSU-Pueblo so that you all could use them.
-
A huge thank you to the Colorado State University-Pueblo for lending us your collection.
Bev? Books? Were you thinking of trying to talk to Trujillo?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
the
Needs more and bigger pictures.
-
for
Don't end sentences with prepositions.
-
Joe Coors
Have you all bothered to introduce Joe Coors to readers yet?
-
arrives
arrived.
-
Juan "Freddie Freak" Trujillo was a crazy guy.
Cut.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
“Freddie Freak” was now on the path to stop Coors.
Too vague. What path? Why only mention him? Was Coors actually stopped?
-
Freddie Freak
Trujillo
-
-
-
So
Needs more pictures.
-
“Americanist
Why use this word? Why is it in quotation marks?
-
continued to follow
Terrible grammar. Who was doing the discriminating?
-
Freddie Freak
Trujillo
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
boycott in 1987.
Why did it last so long?
-
minority
Someone is going to have to go back and caption ALL the pictures.
-
The boycott on the Coors Brewing Company began in 1966
Shouldn't you handle your three main topics in chronological order?
-
jobs
More please.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
is
Does UMAS still exist? If so, is a link in order?
-
history
Good page, but I think this might be a third tier page rather than second. Also, it needs more pictures.
-
From that point forward Freak's life would forever be changed.
This is too vague to be useful.
-
is
Still?
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
The Chieftain
Lot more work to do here. remember, I want narrative thank you's first; then a source list.
-
Sources/Credits
Didn't you already have a book list going in the old version of this?
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
Pueblo and the Air Base
There's definite;y stuff for here that you can steal from the chronology.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
Base Exchange
That's good building coverage when all these pages finally appear. Remember, significant text and at least one picture.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
New
now?
-
DescriptionDetailsCitationsSourceNo description available.Scalar URLhttp://emptythoughts.net/education/pueblo-army-air-field/media/chapel-bw (version 1)Source URLhttp://emptythoughts.net/education/pueblo-army-air-field/media/IMG_9882.jpg (image/JPEG)dcterms:titleChapel BWiptc:DigitalCreationDate20180329iptc:DateCreated20180329iptc:DigitalCreationTime122412iptc:TimeCreated122412View asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTMLDescriptionDetailsCitationsSourceNo description available.Scalar URLhttp://emptythoughts.net/education/pueblo-army-air-field/media/chapel-old (version 1)Source URLhttp://emptythoughts.net/education/pueblo-army-air-field/media/chapel.jpg (image/JPEG)dcterms:titleChapel oldView asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTML"Arthur Cordova, a founding member of the Parish, remembers feeling overcome with a sense of awe as the building's steeple came over the hill. "It was as if God was bringing the church to us out of nowhere."
Don't hang quotes out of context, please.
-
After
Y'all are going to need to turn this into text in your own words, using your own voices. Small quotes are OK, though.
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
They
You need to justify the existence of this page through its explanation.
-
The Commanding Officer for this group was Col. Hsu Kang Liang.
Why does that matter?
-
August 3, 1944
Context???
-
-
emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
the base's complete deactivation within two weeks.
Please cut down the size of this page, leaving only the important stuff.
-
August 6, 1945 - The B-29 "Enola Gay" dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan.
So?
-
September 2, 1945 - Japan officially signs the surrender documents aboard the U.S.S. Missouri in Tokyo Bay.
This is useless.
-
would be closed.
So?
-
closed
I would take LOTS of this timeline out of the timeline and incorporate it into your other pages as text. Look at teh entry right before this one, for example. It is wasted at the bottom of a page this size.
-
a defense area
What does that mean?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
Ada's Story
Make sure you date that picture when you significantly expand this page.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
many
Have you considered trying to embed some Laugh-In from YouTube here?
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
,
punctuation goes inside the quotation marks everywhere.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
The orphanages were still the best option
So what time period are we talking about here, exacty?
-
Many children
This whole page needs to be expanded, hopefully making it more specific.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
landmark
Needs more pictures of the building.
-
-
scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
-
be
This whole page is crying for pictures.
-
propaganda
There's a giant hole in this page. approximately 1890-1940. What was happening in Pueblo that made orphanages necessary?
-
When Fidel Castro took over Cuba
Which was when?
-
train
Y'all aren't really proofing this very well, are you?
-
General Background History behind Orphanages:
Label this better.
-
-
-
Historically, many people were influenced or influenced the Orphanages.
This needs to be corrected and seriously expanded. It's a key point that you HAVE to be able to explain far better than this.
-
Lincoln Home Orphanage Google MapsScalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/lincoln-map (version 1)Source URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/Screen%20Shot%202018-03-29%20at%201.50.03%20PM.png (image/PNG)dcterms:titleLincoln mapdcterms:descriptionLincoln Home Orphanage Google MapsView asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTMLDescriptionDetailsCitationsSource fileMcClelland Orphanage Google Maps Scalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/mclelland-map (version 1)Source URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/Screen%20Shot%202018-03-29%20at%201.50.32%20PM.png (image/PNG)dcterms:titleMclelland mapdcterms:descriptionMcClelland Orphanage Google Maps View asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTMLDescriptionDetailsCitationsSource fileSacred Heart Google MapsScalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/sacred-heart-map (version 1)Source URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/pueblo-orphanages-transformation-/media/Screen%20Shot%202018-03-29%20at%201.49.31%20PM.png (image/PNG)dcterms:titleSacred heart mapdcterms:descriptionSacred Heart Google MapsView asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTMLThe orphanages in Pueblo, Colorado were an influential part of the city. There were nine orphanages in this helpful city that made a huge impact on our society. Emanuel Faith Home that originated in 1920, Fries Orphanage 1900, Holy Family Orphanage 1919, Pueblo Children’s Home 1900, Orphan Train 1921, and Adopted Children (unknown). The three main orphanages we
So practically the first thing people are gonna see here is a Google Map? Is that a good idea?
-
There were nine orphanages in this helpful city that made a huge impact on our society. Emanuel Faith Home that originated in 1920, Fries Orphanage 1900, Holy Family Orphanage 1919, Pueblo Children’s Home 1900, Orphan Train 1921, and Adopted Children (unknown).
I think these deserve their own page with a few pictures (evenn if there isn't a lot of accompanying text.
-
of the city
What about orphanages in general? Can you say anything about orphanages everywhere at the time these were formed?
-
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emptythoughts.net emptythoughts.net
-
Buildings
I like the picture.
-