1,843 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2018
    1. Such examples include aiding the Chicano Movement group UMAS of the University of Colorado-Boulder, the Coors Boycott, and the La Cucaracha Newspaper which was printed in Pueblo, Colorado.

      You're repeating the same words as last page! And they didn't explain much even there.

    1. Much of his work was focused on the Coors Strike, UMAS, and the La Cucaracha newspaper, all of which vastly changed and inspired that chicano movement in Colorado at the time.

      This has gotta be longer and punchier, offering a better explanation of exactly why it matters.

    1. "On October 18, 1927 the miners of Colorado walked out under the wobbly banner. The governor created a special squad of state police and on November 7, the flying squad executed a midnight raid on the Walsenberg IWW headquarters and wrecked the place." 

      That's not even a very good quote. Use the multiple primary sources that you have access to, not a single secondary source.

    1. "The violent labor struggles of the past had there toll. Wages remained substantially lower in the non unionized states to the north, Wyoming and Montana."

      Gotta have a lot more here than a couple of quotes.

    1. Coal mining is well known to be hard dangerous work and the work done in Colorado was no exception. A handful of large corporations controlled the mines and working conditions were appalling.

      But you just said the ERP was the cause of the strike, right?

    1. The 1927 strike marked a significant turning point in the plan as labor problems ensued in spite of the fact that the company reported that their employees were completely satisfied.

      I expect this to be the heart of a 1927 strike Scalar, You'll need more text and pictures here, spread out over multiple pages.

    2. The Rockefeller Plan ended in 1942 as a result of the pressure from the Wagner Act of 1935 and an increase of production because of World War II.

      This is aftermath.

    1. 1915 The Employee Representation Plan, otherwise known as the Rockefeller Plan, is established in the coal mines.1916 The Rockefeller Plan is established in the Minnequa Works and the Sunrise Iron Mine.1917 CF&I purchases and improves the Minnequa Dairy.1918 Eight hour workday becomes standard at CF&I replacing the previous twelve-hour work day.1920 Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, who were known radical Italian anarchists in a post World War II red-scare world, were "accused" of a double murder of a paymaster and a payroll guard carrying $15,776 in Braintree, Massachusetts near Boston.1921 Sacco and Vanzetti were convicted by a jury that was prejudice against Italians, immigrants, and people with radical beliefs; which meant they didn't even get the chance of a fair trial. 1927 The two were executed by way of electric chair, which divided the nation, and caused sympathy strikes by the IWW and other sympathizers nationwide including the CF&I plant in Pueblo, Colorado.

      Why is there a timeline just smack-dab in the middle of the page?

    1. In the mid 1800's

      Always organize web sites chronologically. In these case I think I'd separate this paragraph completely and make it its own page. I'm not sure what I'd title it, but that page would be for information about orphanages in general.

    1. The three orphanages which are  Sacred Heart, Lincoln Home and McClleland are the three main orphanages in the city.

      You need a much better introduction than this. When did the orphanages begin? When did they close? Who owned them? How many children did they house?

  2. May 2017
    1. The Salvation Army used the popularity of their doughnut campaign in World War I to bolster their ability to raise funds in America.

      This is great! Can youtell me more about this?

    1. Have you ever wondered why there is a hole in the center of your doughnuts?

      I actually like this, but you have to integrate this in better with teh rest of the text. At the very minimum, this should be a sub-chapter of "doughnut defined"

    1. To Ellen Brown in Donut Nation, donuts are the great American equalizer. They are both blue collar, and white collar, they are at gas stations, and on restaurant menus. They are at home in the boardroom and they are at home at the bowling alley. They appeal to all ages and across genders.

      What's going on here?

    1. state.

      A credits chapter at the very end of this is absolutely positively crucial. A must have (or else). Describe your research process in a paragraph or two, then credit key sources and archives where you got your media.

    1. this topic

      But what exactly IS the topic of this Scalar? I thought it was wine and ethnicity, but I didn't see very much here. The core of your Scalar, the original parts are dwarfed by the context.

  3. Apr 2017
    1. It was originally a beverage that was imported to United States from overseas. But during a period in history, Wine became a enterprise that the United State has monopolized. This is due to the Climate on the Southwest coast.  The coast climate is similar to the Mediterranean climate, making it better for the Grape vine to grow.  The wine production started in one area, moving from there to California because of the climate. 

      Play with the formatting. It can blend media and text better than this.

    1. The Salvation Army continued to also use the popularity of the doughnut for benefit as well.

      This (along with the WWI stuff) is the heart of your Scalar and it should be on multiple pages.

    2. )

      Now that I'm at the end, I think I'd definitely recommend killing all the footnotes. Instead, write out a long sources/credits/acknowledgement page, which will be the last chapter of the Scalar book.

    1. Doughnuts are and have been a staple in our lives. They are a quick, easy breakfast snack, an afternoon delight, or a cake to enjoy after supper.  Doughnuts have been a part of our everyday lives for centuries but did not gain prominence until the 1920s.

      First thing you have to do is center these blocks of texts.

    1. “They remembered, or their fathers had told them, of the exactions and oppressions in the old country under the excise laws that their domiciles were entered by excise officers, their most private apartments were examined, and that the confiscations and imprisonment followed the smallest quantity was discovered not marked with the official brand.”[23]

      sigh.

    2. "A quick tempered but sensual and playful people, they often dressed provocatively, acted with a volatile belligerence, drank to excess, engaged in constant and open competition in every form, and adamantly defied the attempts of outsiders to control them.”[11] The Scotch-Irish were the kind of people that drew attention to themselves. They stuck out in the American society in the way they spoke, dressed, worshipped, etc. They were everything that groups such as the uptight, puritan, and pious New Englanders were not. Interestingly enough, the Puritans were theologically Calvinists similar to most of the Scotch-Irish. "the puritans liked the neither Scots nor Irish...especially because of their illiteracy, their physical dirtiness and slovenliness, and their notable divergence from Puritan customs, habits, and outlook.”[12]

      Filler.

    3. A new use for the legacy of whisky in the New-World with the Scotch-Irish was an actual currency. “Usually cash-poor, frontier residents also used whiskey to pay for the goods and services they needed.”[10]

      This whole approach is wrong. Youy don't make a point and then quote some historian, you write with teh voice of authority. You also introduce the quotes!!!!!!!!!!!!

    4. “The Scottish and Scotch-Irish who settled the back country of the southern colonies made great use of the combination of spirits and bitters, as it was believed that the bitters helped ward off tropical diseases.”[9]

      Dude, have you ever, ever seen a history book that quotes this way?

    5. “Whiskey became a common table drink in the backcountry. Even little children were served whiskey at table, with a little sugar to sweeten its bitter taste. Temperance took on a special meaning in this society. Appalachia's idea of a moderate drinker was the mountain[8] man who limited himself to a single quart at a sitting, explaining that more 'might fly to my head.”

      Introduce the quote!!!!!!!!!!!

    6. "The distinctive backcountry beverage was whiskey. A taste for liquor distilled from grain was uncommon in the south and east of England. But it was highly developed in north Britain, and was brought to the American backcountry.”[6]

      Introduce the quote!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And why are you using it when you could paraphrase?

    1. Sonoma County

      You need a large map of California highlighting the location ofd Sonoma County right up front. And unless you want to make a point about RRs, don't use this one. It's practically illegible.

    1. http://www.ohiohistorycentral.org/w/Anti-German_Sentiment

      Why is this stray link here at the bottom of the page? This has to be about your reserach and your voice.

    1. "The hop harvest was more than just agricultural, but also offered social and cultural opportunities as many farms offered entertainment and camping facilities. More organized hop festivals grew out of the and of harvest celebrations in the migrant camps found at the fields. Pickers still have fond memories of these celebratory evenings, but less fond ones of the hard picking during the day. By the early 1950s the hop crop began to the decline and mechanical picking machines replaced the need for seasonal laborers. This change meant a demise of a large hop festivals, but also a shift in growing practices. Many growers abandoned their crops, while others increased acreage to pay for their investment in mechanical pickers."

      That quote is too big. Chop it up. Offer more analysis as you go through it.

    1. Women in the Salvation Army 1 2017-04-11T19:00:07-07:00 Jason Hanratty 3be8a3d27a270399b0b9289c0daf19271961dc65 15530 1 Women's page plain 2017-04-11T19:00:07-07:00 Jason Hanratty 3be8a3d27a270399b0b9289c0daf19271961dc65 The Great War This page has paths: 1 media/Salvation Army Poster.jpg media/club_salvation_army_22.jpg 2017-03-02T14:30:54-08:00 Jason Hanratty 3be8a3d27a270399b0b9289c0daf19271961dc65 The History of the Salvation Army Jason Hanratty 16 plain 392299 2017-04-13T07:44:28-07:00 Jason Hanratty 3be8a3d27a270399b0b9289c0daf19271961dc65 Contents of this path: 1 2017-04-11T18:59:06-07:00 History of The Salvation Army in the United States 8 Salvation Army in the United States plain 2017-04-13T12:40:20-07:00 1 2017-04-11T19:00:07-07:00 Women in the Salvation Army 1 Women's page plain 2017-04-11T19:00:07-07:00 «

      Good path. Needs more pictures. Personally, I like the old posters the most.

    1. VideoScalar URLhttp://scalar.usc.edu/works/doughnuts-and-the-salvation-army/eliza-shirley (version 2)Source URLhttps://youtu.be/mLJ0QooGSPk (video/YouTube)dcterms:titleEliza Shirleydcterms:descriptionVideoView asRDF-XML, RDF-JSON, or HTML           The Salvation Army continued to grow from these two individuals to a fundraising power, who assisted citizens, soldiers, and anyone else in need. Eliza's importance was highlighted in the 1930s when the Chicago Cubs held a moment of silence in her memory after her death. 

      You should be able to annotate each video with a hint as to why it's here. Don't just include something because you found it.

    1. Conclusion:

      So you wrote all the easy stuff and none of teh hard thinking? Did we cover some of what you'd argue in class? Why couldn't you get some of that down here so that we could kick the wording around?

    2. “The following is a summary of one man's load: In and upon his knapsack were closely packed one overcoat, two woolen blankets, one rubber blanket, one shelter tent, one dress coat, one pair of pants, undershirt and drawers, fatigue cap, and two pairs of socks. His haversack contained three days' rations of meat and hard-tack, vinegar, box of sugar and coffee, box of salt and pepper, can of condensed milk, butter, cheese, and cookies, tin plate, cup, etc. Attached to his knapsack was a large frying-pan.”

      Filler.

    3. "Upon the faithful and able performance of the duties of the quartermaster an army depends for its ability to move. The least neglect or want of capacity on his part may foil the best-concerted measures and make the best-planned campaign impracticable. The services of those employed in the great depots in which the clothing, transportation, horses, forage, and other supplies are provided, are no less essential to success and involve no less labor and responsibility than those of the officers who accompany the troops on their marches and are charged with the care and transportation of all the material essential to their health and efficiency. The quartermaster's department is charged with the duty of providing the means of transportation by land and water for all the troops and all the material of war. It furnishes the horses for artillery and cavalry, and for the trains; supplies tents, camp and garrison equippage, forage, lumber, and all materials for camps; builds barracks, hospitals, wagons, ambulances; provides harness, except for artillery horses; builds or charters ships and steamers, docks and wharves; constructs or repairs roads, bridges, and railroads; clothes the army; and is charged generally with the payment of all expenses attending military operations which are not expressly assigned by law or regulation to some other department." -Officer with no name[41].

      Again, a quote this size is really just filler.

    4. Since the dawn of the agricultural revolution

      Why don't you start with the Civil War and get that out of the way? I think of necessary background as going a couple of pages in.

    1. As can be seen by the achievements of these activists and protests

      Based on the question, it would help if you took in more changes than just the Civil Rights Movement. After all, the general name for the unit is radicalism AND reaction. Why were the leftists more important than the conservatives? Don't the reaction people deserve at least a mention?

    2. “The truth his that a women with a college degree working full time makes less than a black man with a high school degree working full time. And a black women make least of all. In many parts of the country New York City, for instance women has no legally guaranteed right to rent an apartment, buy a house, get accommodations in a hotel, or be served in a public restaurant. She can be refused simply because of her sex”

      If you're going to quote something this large you ought to cite the source in some way.

    3. On June 19, 1963, President Kennedy sent a bill to congress.

      The events are being handled chronologically which is always a good idea when writing a history essay.

    4. The powerful movement brought about so many great changes for the lives of not only African Americans, but also other minorities such as women.

      This whole paragraph is a strong argument, but it should address the question that was asked a little more directly than this.

    1. challenging the mindset and values of every generation that came before them.

      I might have done a little more with the conservatism angle of the question (as is implied here).

  4. Mar 2017
    1. How did the immigration of the Scotch-Irish to America and the resulting infusion of whisky culture shape American society?

      Let me try asking your question deifferently to see if it can elicit a better potential thesis: What did whiskey mean to most Scotch Irish in America? I can't answer that myself, but maybe you can and use it to prove a narrower, less-prejudiced point.

    2. The affect of Scotch-Irish tradition on American culture is because of the whisky and resulting drinking culture that was prevalent with the Scotch-Irish immigrants. 
      1. This doesn't make any sense. Simple subject-verb-object sentences are best.
      2. This isn't really an argument, it's an observation. You want to say something about that culture other than the fact that they drank whiskey.
    3. I have primary sources on foreigners observing American, Americans observing the Scotch-Irish and Appalachians, the attitudes of the Founding Fathers and whisky, and personal correspondence explaining the fairly common disdain for the Scotch-Irish because of their notorious reputation as whisky drinkers. 

      This sounds good. Try to get at last a 50/50 mix of primary and secondary sources.

    1. The Berlin Blockade which occurred on June 20, 1948 was the Soviet Union blocking rail and road traffic to Berlin.

      But why? How does this relate back to your overall argument?