- Nov 2016
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Whether due to advertisements like Bill Cosby’s or due to having just run its course naturally, the “Pepsi Challenge” momentum had come to an end by 1983.
Momentum is measured how, exactly?
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The Pepsi Challenge commercial featuring fire fighters.
No it doesn't, it features Mr. Kotter!!!
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Michael Jackson’s third potential commercial
Why should we care about who cut ads for which soda? After all, it's only colored water with sugar in it.
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influenced the popular culture of the “Pepsi Generation.”
How exactly?
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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The greatest examples of this occurring were Michael Jackson for Pepsi and Bill Cosby for Coca-Cola.
I might break this page into separate sections as it's a little long.
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Green
Greene.
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Each of these celebrities were paid for their work
I certainly hope so!
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Brian Bonsall
Who?
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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the fight over Apartheid
That was the late-80s!
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Coca-Cola's
I'm actually just old enough that I remember that ad.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Pepsi
Not sure if this is a formatting problem, but remember there is that Word migrating button if you need it.
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By 1969, Coca-Cola only held 30% of the cola market while Pepsi controlled 14%.
I know this is a Scalar, but this just screams for a footnote! Is there some way to tie this to a source in the credits? Asking for a friend.
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was the first time a cola company had advertised on a network television station.
Interesting.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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“More Bounce to the Ounce”
Would you explain to everyone how you've tied the tage to the text?
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One of the many WWII Coke ads
You've really handled annotations well.
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Coca-Cola
Nice use of tags!
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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The Marble Fountain shown here
This is lovely.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Inside this chapter
I would expect to see this crucial part of your Scalar up by now.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Schweppes.
Even in a Scalar I would expect a higher level of detail for all these guys.
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John Mathews
You need to be able to match the pictures and the descriptions.
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who are credited
Awkward.
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These
What's with this font?
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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The timeline begins in 1767,
A timeline should speak for itself.
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Timeline 1767-1929
The timeline is a good idea, but I'd make it your first chapter and this whole page needs to be better executed.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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The stomach soothing nature of these effervescent waters made them a regularly prescribed treatment for dyspepsia or indigestion. The lack of side effects from a glass of soda water, unlike many other medicines of the time, helped motivate researchers to discover, and recreate, how these gas bubbles dissolved in water.
I would think you could stretch this paragraph out into multiple paragraphs since there are so many ideas.
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Naturally carbonated waters, from volcanic springs, were well known throughout history
How so?
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Photo of the San Pelligrino Mineral Waters, in Italy 1890's
You need a better citation than this. Also, the media needs to be centered better.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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How carbonated water was prized for its curative properties and how commercial fountains, which claimed to artificially reproduce the benefits of spring waters, didn’t become widespread until the first quarter of the 18th century and then they were marketed primarily for their medicinal, not pleasure giving properties, it was because of soda water’s perceived therapeutic benefits that pharmacies became the main stage upon which the development of the fountain played out.
This is a run-on sentence.
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it's
its
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This Scalar
I don't think this is a good idea. Will most web-searchers know what a Scalar is?
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- Oct 2016
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moreorlessbunk.net moreorlessbunk.net
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Country Joe McDonald,”The FISH Cheer.” (Links to an external site.)
One of the few explicitly political songs sung at Woodstock (the infamous Rock Music festival from 1969), the use of swear words in this anti-Vietnam War song was another reason it was particularly shocking.
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moreorlessbunk.net moreorlessbunk.net
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future.
In many ways this is just excellent. Nice clear argument. Many relevant facts. The way to make it better is to match the facts in the body of the paper with the argument that you make so clearly at the beginning. How exactly do those facts prove this multi-faceted argument?
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was next
Try not to make it sound like your essay is a long list of facts.
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and about the atomic bomb
Well...sort of.
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was a war
Really?
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moreorlessbunk.net moreorlessbunk.net
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George Lucas, scene from American Graffiti
This scene illustrates drag racing, a popular activity for bored teenagers who wanted to show off their mechanical skills and manliness during the 1950s and early-1960s.
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thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
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Texas
I think you'll need a lot more primary in order to make this topic uniquely your own. However, I'm also certain that those primary sources are out there and accessible to you without too much effort.
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questionable
You may want to narrow a bit, but I'm sure you already know that.
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Chain stores were kind of like a democratically-elected authoritarian. Consumers happily ushered them in, but did not imagine the results of consolidated power that would come to anger consumer groups and destroy small business.
How is this thesis different from what you've been reading in the secondary literature?
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historyofstephanie.wordpress.com historyofstephanie.wordpress.com
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This book explains the origin of Chop Suey and the racial and culture change the food goes through.
I didn't need the bibliography to be annotated yet, but when you do at the end it should explain how you, Stephanie, used it not what the book contains.
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During the nineteenth century Chop Suey started to transition through cultural exchange and developed into an American dish by accommodating Americans taste through cultural exchange and negotiations.
That's awkwardly worded but very good nonetheless.
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through different cultures
More than just Chinese and American?
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hriganti.wordpress.com hriganti.wordpress.com
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profit
That's a very good outline for a a paper. Now you just have to develop your thesis a little more.
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mhterry.wordpress.com mhterry.wordpress.com
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1920’s
Matthew,
You are skirting across a whole range of different topics instead of demonstrating some expertise. This is (just) OK for now, but I need to see a greater level of expertise by the time the draft is due.
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Bibliography
Why are you starting the prospectus with the bibliography?
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1904
Cassidy,
You are killing it.
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isaacmatson.wordpress.com isaacmatson.wordpress.com
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1938
Look, Isaac, as much as you want to you can't write a 25 page book. Stick with women and go deep. Don't try to do everything.
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The bill’s sponsor, Senator Royal Copeland, was elected to the Senate with a large constituency of women. He sought to maintain their support throughout his career, and saw the bill as solidifying his political base in New York. Women provided him with political motivation to pass the bill. His motivation did not stem from support for FDR’s policies. In fact, he once primaried, against New Deal candidates. His motivation came from his disproportionally large female constituency.
Yeah, this is really good.
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Speece
Bibliographies should be much better organized than this. Alphabetical or maybe by type of source.
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-
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possible
If you cover all of this stuff it may be the greatest Scalar project in the history of Scalar projects. However, feel free to drop and focus on some of the things with the most media and it may very well still be fantastic.
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My audience is greater than just the professor
Yup.
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Question
You should be able to center that graphic directly above this. PS I like the wallpaper too.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Why
The background here is just gorgeous.
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jg2745.wordpress.com jg2745.wordpress.com
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paper
James, you're going to be OK, but you have to make some big narrowing decisions and run with them.
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2004
Do the sources point you to a particularly important era of change in this industry?
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tannerghist493.wordpress.com tannerghist493.wordpress.com
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eggs
Tanner, I am officially no longer worried about you.
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1947
Yeah, definitely stick post WWII. That's where your sources are.
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changes really started to be made
I am dying to find out what they are.
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jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com
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Outline
There are actually too many entries in this outline. You need to pick fewer of them and go deeper to prove an argument, not skirt across the surface of so many issues. You're going to be OK as long as you make some choices.
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House Hearing
You'll need to go the front of the volume and get more specific about the committee. What Committee, for example? What subcommitee? Any bibliographice ntry needs at least as much info as necessary for someone else to find the same source.
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laws
laws,
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Since the 1940’
See! If your thesis is post 1940s, stick to the post-1940s.
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before the civil war era
That's definitely too much time. To show expertise, I'd narrow to at least a fifty year period. I would figure the post-WWII era but then again I'm not the expert here.
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over the last 70 years
You might be better off narrowing the scope a bit, if possible.
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scalar.usc.edu scalar.usc.edu
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Trump
The man's first name is Trump? Sad!
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-
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The
Graphically, this is just gorgeous.
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ihearttamales.wordpress.com ihearttamales.wordpress.com
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Potential Resources:
You are low on the primary sources.
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Products
Dianne,
There's a SERIOUS problem here. Every single one of these possible subjects is a paper in its own right. You are skirting over the surface when you have to dive deeper in order to demonstrate expertise.
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Indigenous cultures
What is the timeframe for your project?
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nearly impossible resistance to the smell of the aroma
That is IMPOSSIBLE to prove.
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an individual the capacity to mass produce popcorn
Any individual? Didn't they need capital?
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fortunes may have taken much longer
The conditional is very scary for most historians because it's impossible to prove.
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- Aug 2016
-
www.nytimes.com www.nytimes.com
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Reality is fragile
Insert Matrix joke here.
-
-
www.nytimes.com www.nytimes.com
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aren’t lazy
Maybe some of them are.
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- Apr 2016
-
www.milestonedocuments.com www.milestonedocuments.com
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period.
Are you done yet?
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daniellevillegasblog.wordpress.com daniellevillegasblog.wordpress.com
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“derangement”
No quotes in the first paragraph. Just analysis.
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Kansas serves as a paradigm due to the extreme change it has undergone.
Where does Hartman fit in? You HAVE to bring him up somewhere.
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It is evident that the culture wars play such a huge role in the political make up of recent American history, but what is most significant is the backlash from these culture wars and its effects on economics as shown in Thomas Frank’s book What’s the Matter with Kansas?
That's a good point, but a run-on sentence.
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thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
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rage on today confirms their importance
Unless they're all STILL being hoodwinked.
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Andrew Hartman delves into
Gonna be looking for all those useful Hartman quotes.
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If the girders of civilization itself were collapsing, there was no reason to struggle for personal success within the chaos.
I'm not sure what that means actually.
-
here on Thursday
E-mail me the whole thing and I'll look again.
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history
Yeah, that's a REALLY good paragraph.
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cnemick.wordpress.com cnemick.wordpress.com
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The possibility of losing their cherished culture, is enough of a motivational factor to recruit evangelicals, to involve themselves in politics, and to handicap the education of their children.
Yes, that's the way to end a paragraph!
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cord
chord
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74-76
Add more analytical reinforcement here at the end again.
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comes
came
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(Hartman, 6)
Now add a sentence tying this back to your thesis here at the end.
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Hartman, 1
You shouldn't have any quotes in your first paragraph.
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culture.
Yeah, that's a nice clear thesis, explained well.
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isaacmatson.wordpress.com isaacmatson.wordpress.com
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“assumption that assimilating to prescribed norms—to normative America—was the only path to equality”
I don't see why you bothered with this point at all.
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but for racial equality
Lack of evidence is a real problem here. You can't paraphrase everything!
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only diversions, smoke and mirrors
This point needs a quote too.
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much anecdotal evidence
You need more of it here. These quotes are tiny.
-
according to What’s the Matter with Kansas
QUOTE THE BOOK!!!
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a crusade to save helpless babies
Is that really a fair reading of Frank? Where do the plutocrats fit into all this?
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blakehatton.net blakehatton.net
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issues.
So paragraph 1 is pro-Hartman. paragraph 2 is anti-Frank. Don't drop Frank like a hot potato for the rest of the paper!
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“war”
But it wasn't a real war, hence your scare quotes.
-
became disillusioned with the New Left and began a crusade for their conservative ideology.
That's a good pickup from the Hartman book.
-
shaped
How exactly?
-
, since
because
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sbdaberkow.com sbdaberkow.com
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on the wrong page
You're not on the wrong page at all, you just need to explain why you think what you think a little better.
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big
Vague!
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In
New paragraph right here. Then build on both paragraphs.
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however its effects cannot be reversed
Different thought belongs in its own sentence.
-
accurately
How exactly do you know?
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jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com
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it is important
Why exactly?
-
Hartman would disagree
But what would YOU think. That's the really important question here.
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a very real
Do they know it's real and it is, or do they just THINK it's real?
-
at the least see the reasons
I'd start the paper with this insight so that you have a better chance to build upon it.
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Thomas Frank
Why are Hartman and Frank in different paragraphs? Shouldn't you consider them together?
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teaganbodablog.wordpress.com teaganbodablog.wordpress.com
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already changed
How exactly?
-
changing America forever.
How exactly?
-
Hartman shows that the culture wars are significant
So you're going w/ Hartman. You should do that much sooner.
-
one must understand
Why?
-
century
I don't know where you're going with this thesis. Wars have two sides?
-
People are either liberal or conservative leaving the country in an extremely difficult situation.
Who says that? You? How do you know?
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laquanwordpresscomblog.wordpress.com laquanwordpresscomblog.wordpress.com
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book page numbers
That's OK.
-
With the information presented, we can agree that the racial discrimination against African Americans of the lower class, exploits the two important concepts; race and class. Both equally important and intertwined together.
Cut all this.
-
Class and race are fundamentally intertwined social identities in American history.”
That's true, but it isn't useful for answering this particular question.
-
The preconceived judgment white Americans held against black Americans was their intelligence. Psychologically speaking, it was known widely that blacks were better suited for certain types of jobs, their laziness, and their dependence. How can one ever rise above their degraded position if never giving the opportunity by stronger powers? You cannot. Thomas Surgue, author of “Urban Crisis Race and Inequality in Detroit. *Michigan, states: “Racism is portrayed as a pathological condition, an unchanging part of white culture. But the word “racism” oversimplifies what was a complicated and multifaceted reality.” 89.
This part should be its own paragraph. Build some more analysis on it too.
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race defined your place in the social class;
That's a very good point. I'd build the paper around this argument.
-
The distinctions between the two are so intertwining, that discussing which is more important really depends on the person speaking.
I actually agree with that, but this isn't an easy position to defend in a paper. The better idea would be to pick one and go for it.
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jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com
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would go hand in hand.
It's really not clear to me what you're arguing all through this paper.
-
People simply had to be middle class to reach the next level of the American dream by moving to a suburb.
That makes it sound like class is most important.
-
Protective
You need to introduce this quote better than that.
-
The white and black middle classes refused to integrate
Really? Are you sure it wasn't just the whites?
-
Unfortunately, at this time racism still ran rampant and it was caused more difficulties and problems for the Black middle class to stay alive than the white working class.
Wait, so which side are you arguing again?
-
face
face?
-
This cannot be denied since it is true that racism is also a contributing factor to why many blacks could not find housing and jobs outside of the city.
Awkward.
-
“working class”
There were plenty of working class people before WWII>
-
barriers
What barriers?
-
cannot be understood
Why not?
-
in order to create more commonalities between groups of people
I don't understand this whole sentence.
-
borders of race
Race has borders?
-
matter
matters
-
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teaganbodablog.wordpress.com teaganbodablog.wordpress.com
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This system would then be relied upon by politicians
Passive again.
-
The rise and fall of country music, disco, and anti-disco were based upon people’s feelings on the matter of race.
I don't see how that's true here yet.
-
The need of the white male to segregate themselves from the black formed an America based on race relations.
How does segregation apply to a paragraph about culture?
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was elected to office
I thought Cowie said he did this after being elected to office.
-
The belief in a white racial superiority changed the political landscape of Post-War America.
But you're talking about Wallace here, not racism in general. reference Wallace first.
-
changed the outcome of many political decisions
So?
-
Racial tensions erupted into race riots in major cities across the United States.
Good point.
-
create their own suburbs
Like where?
-
but they were clearly racially charged
I knew you'd be arguing this but you should make it clear earlier. Use this space to build on how?
-
the white man to keep the black man down.
How exactly?
-
divided itself along racial lines
That's almost the very definition of passive voice. Who exactly is doing the dividing? Using what mechanism?
-
created a racially divided United States
How exactly?
-
identity
The first paragraph should definitely be longer than this. I'd, for example, make it abundantly clear which side of the question you're on here.
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- Mar 2016
-
cnemick.wordpress.com cnemick.wordpress.com
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244
Needs one more sentence of analysis here, tying it back to your overall point better.
-
workers
One appropriate quote in this very good paragraph would help a lot.
-
on the other hand
Another sign that you might want to make this two paragraphs (with a little more analysis in each half).
-
As deindustrialization struck many northeastern and midwestern cities, all working class citizens struggled to find labor but especially those with racial diversity. This struggle between all working class citizens ensured that the unfair and discriminatory policies of many factories, would become worse.
This is exactly the way to start a paragraph. Keep hitting the point.
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were not considered
passive
-
This culture of racial discrimination and suppression became a brick wall for any who wished to improve upon their class status.
Nice.
-
Furthermore,
The use of the word "furthermore" is a pretty good signal that you need a new paragraph (with a little more analysis in each half).
-
America.
You need one sentence of analysis right here explaining exactly why this is obvious.
-
In order to understand why these current events are happing it is essential to understand the evolution of the effects of race in America after 1945. When discussing and understanding American history after 1945, it is essential to understand how racial divisions changed America and predetermined class for many.
It would be better to write exactly why those things are essential right here rather than to simply say they're essential without explaining why.
-
race determined the class for millions of Americans and essentially handicapped their personal prosperity.
So nice and clear!
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sbdaberkow.com sbdaberkow.com
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Dr. Rees may not like
It's not that I don't like them. It's that they don't really help you make an historical argument, which is the point of the assignment.
-
Some whites were racist, but many whites were just trying to secure their own economic affairs.
Again, I would explain the extra importance of class rather than try to degrade the importance of race.
-
system
You need to get some evidence from the books into this paragraph.
-
It is not common to have whole cities of one race
Straw man.
-
Some may argue that race put and keeps African American in the ghettos, while others may blame this detachment on class.
Don't do this.
-
African Americans came to booming cities for work, although most times the work was hard and earned low wages. These workers and their families settled into cheaper areas of the city,
You shouldn't have to retell the story of half a century in your first paragraph. Just make an argument that answers the question, then explain it.
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teaganbodablog.wordpress.com teaganbodablog.wordpress.com
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White Americans may have felt the economic hardships caused by deindustrialization, but they ensured that the African-American communities felt it harder.
Now THAT is a killer sentence. I might try moving this up to the very top, explaining it better and building your argument around it.
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(319)
If this really is your conclusion, there shouldn't be any evidence in it. Just analysis. More explanation of your overall argument.
-
relations.
Too much music for answering this question.
-
Race changed American popular culture
Don't make this the whole center of your two-book argument. It might be worth a paragraph, but you have to fold it into a broader argument.
-
elected to office thanks to the racial tensions.
Wait...does Cowie say that? Where?
-
changed
How exactly?
-
Racial tensions
How do you know they weren't economic tensions?
-
racially based economic disparities.
How do you know they aren't economically based racial disparities?
-
among the racial line
"along racial lines.' But why?
-
history.
So what does this have to do with either point?
-
Race divided Post-War American history into a white history and black history, with smaller subsets such as Chicano history still being discovered.
I don't understand where this is going. I do understand however, that neither of your two points is explained very well in this paragraph.
-
come together by culture
?
-
its influence in political elections and in the evolution of popular culture.
That's a two-fer. Can you stick with one? Or can you at least devote one whole sentence to each point?
-
-
thomasloan.net thomasloan.net
-
through blacks because it was easier than deconstructing
Huh?
-
issue
You need at least two more sentences explaining this point. [It is a good one, though.]
-
knitted
knitted?
-
racial failures
What exactly is a "racial failure?"
-
they feared the economic benefits that blacks might take away from them
This is very good.
-
didn’t
Don't use contractions in formal papers.
-
Stayin’ Alive: The 1970s and the Last Days of the Working Class
Italics
-
-
blakehatton.net blakehatton.net
-
live
There's no evidence here yet, nor any direct reference to Sugrue or Cowie. This makes it very hard to give helpful suggestions.
-
E
e
-
is the key
Why? You still haven't explained why.
-
society
Why?
-
-
jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com jessikahcampbell.wordpress.com
-
Any suggestions?
If you work out a more precise argument - exactly what you're trying to prove - plotting the next few paragraphs would be much easier.
-
would be tested
tense problem.
-
would both
tense problem
-
effect
affect
-
the
that
-
effects
affects
-
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abbiespecht.net abbiespecht.net
-
in a new way
What way, exactly?
-
the discussion of opportunity versus poverty in modern American life
Unpack that a little, please.
-
’
1970s
-
Americans.”
Page #?
-
is important in understanding the second half of the twentieth century.
But why?
-