included?

with which?

Please revise for grammatical clarity

experience?

Can you revise this sentence for clarity? Perhaps:

Because I took responsibility for my own learning by participating in a variety of unscheduled experiences, I am a ...

Or something along those lines.

What does this stand for?

Please use first-person language.

Good job!

Thank you for going the extra mile!

Nice

Can you break up or shorten this sentence?

What does this mean? Assume someone who is unfamiliar with jargon is reading this.

whose?

Please shorten the sentence or add punctuation.

Please shorten the sentence, or add punctuation for clarity.

occupational

What a wonderful project!

Again, I appreciate the sentiment but how do you know this? Is there a better, less biased way to frame this sentence?

Did they all have a stroke? Were other conditions considered for patients other than stroke? Please revise this sentence for clarity!

Can you give an example of PEO with an environment other than the physical? What other types of environments were considered?

Nice description!

Can you provide an example?

Spell out before first instance using the acronym, especially if you will be using it again on the page. Otherwise, no need to use an acronym. Please refer to APA formatting guidelines.

Please format correctly--see prior comment. Additionally, if you are not using the abbreviation or acronym again, there is no need to parenthesize it. Using an acronym is appropriate when you repeatedly refer to it, but in your case I don't see any of these duplicated.

Please format correctly. Acronym or abbreviation comes after, not before the full description.

I had to read these sentences several times to understand. How did you grade it down? Was he standing? seated? please elaborate.

This section is nice, but the sentences tend to be very long. This decreases reading comprehension. Please revise this section with shorter sentences.Simplification increases clarity and comprehension. Thanks!

Did you address pleasurable activities as well? How so?

Can you rewrite this section without repeating the word "home" as frequently?

eliminate the first "home"

Can you shorten the sentence?

eating more healthfully

Photo credit needed

them

Especially? Or regardless? I would think it is important to complete a thorough occupational profile for everyone in order to avoid making assumptions

Consider word placement near the beginning of the sentence.

This is a very long sentence--can you break it up for clarity?

Can you reword this for clarity? Perhaps, , "During my pediatric rotation I got the pleasure..."

Jessica, is there a place where you provide the credit for the photograph?

I am learning how to utilize these strengths while acknowledging my weaknesses (?)

Can you rework this sentence for clarity? Perhaps start with the words Throughout school, I am....

I love the YT video at the end of this page, but it was not created by you, and you have not credited the author (I can't easily find the citation or reference). I'd prefer you to either include something of your own making or eliminate other people's work in your own APDE.

I was encouraged to refer back to the.....and think more deeply/ reflect on the possible/potential cause of the occupational dysfunction

I think I understand what you are trying to say but it doesn't make sense--you are asking what is causing an affected occupation? Or do you mean to say, what is the cause of occupational dysfunction?

tense

Acronym!

Capitalize since this is a specifically-named intervention

See prior comment

it was much easier for me

grammar, see prior comment

after

visual motor what?

spelling

punctuation

needs to be corrected

Good

This doesn't make much sense. I think you are trying to say... ...discussing my improved confidence when working with older adults". Is that what you are trying to say? The sentence is confusing the way it is currently written.

Please reword. Consider I was unfamiliar with OT in this setting

or some other variation

these words are redundant

was

any idea why this appears as an orphan letter?

You still need to spell this out before you use it as an acronym.

Acronym

No need to place in parentheses if you don't use the acronym going forward.

You used this phrase two sentences ago. Consider a different way to make the statement.

I am unsure what you mean. You inspired your clients? or they inspired you? Please clarify

of my clinical instructor's comment about how I effectively...

This sentence is very wordy and unclear. Please revise, consider perhaps splitting it into two distinct sentences. It is very difficult to understand.

Still inconsistency with patients and clients.

Lovely reflection

This sentence is still bothersome because it dehumanizes the people in maximum security. What was the risk to you? Surely there was no risk to you--you were safe. It's unfair to color it as if you took some big risk to your life. The people in there were humans, not monsters. Unless I am wrong and you absolutely risked your life every encounter.

Lauren, you did a good job in #3 spelling it out and then placing the abbreviation in parentheses, no need to do it again. My previous comment was that it needed to appear earlier in the page, and it does.

Perfect!

I still think you need to revise this sentence. Perhaps something, I felt unconfident treating clients with the types of diagnoses they had....or something along those lines.

what was the risk to you? Explain! Also remember to state "maximum security facility".

facility

Acronym! See comment on the same issue provided to you last review.

Still can't see the image. It is tinier than tiny

Nice

Change the numerals to the word half

past tense

Sorry I missed this before....assume someone (an OT student) from another country is reading this--will they know what you are referring to here?

Do you really need this abbreviation?

Past tense

Sentence structure. The last part of the sentence needs to appear earlier in order for the sentence to make sense.

Spacing above

spelling

Agh! I'm sure you are tired of my comments by now! Don't use it if it won't appear again

Remove all these extra spaces above

Lovely! I am beaming pride at you!

one

or

I

Keep it personal and in the past tense.

Not sure what the need for the abbreviation in parentheses is...since you don't use it anywhere. Remove.

See previous comments about first-time use of acronyms and subsequent use...

Acromym! I know you are getting tired of my comments!

Acronym!

Maggie, consider rewording this sentence. It is not grammatically sound. Also, try to keep it in first person.

I think it is important for me to be able to admit when I don't know something. Additionally, it is important for me to be use appropriate resources....etc. ...in your own words.

See my earlier comments about using acronyms only once. No need to include it in parentheses if you are only referencing this one time.

Still spelling

Plural

Oneself

Not sure why you use this acronym here...I thought I made a comment about it before.

GREAT job!

Remember to first spell out this acronym before using it freely in the remainder of the text

spelling

Change to first-person

grammar needs to be plural since you are discussing gains

Change to oneself--make it personal to you, not me.

She offered you the job? WOW Maggie!! I am so happy for you!

Lovely.

word order

A speech therapist

You already used this comment in the previous section. You can only use each piece of evidence one time. Which one do you choose?

Please find a different word other than opportunities. Opportunities sounds like it was a fluke, not deliberate. You did much more than have random opportunities. You IN ALL INSTANCES combined theory, gathered valuable information, graded interventions, etc. You didn't just do it when it was opportune. Do you see the difference, and what I am getting at? Using the word "opportunity" diminishes your thoughtful approach to your clients.

Please see my previous comment--this is still a long sentence that is difficult to digest. Consider breaking it down into two separate sentences. Keep it simple.

Because further in the sentence you use the words they and their, I am assuming you are referring to many clients. Therefore, the apostrophe comes after the s

Nice. ADL==when used before, please spell out. CVA and TBI are not necessary in parentheses because this is the only instance that you use those words on this page, and they no longer appear on the page.

who highlighted instances

Please correct this to past tense

Great. Since the figures aren't labeled, perhaps say "in the bottom picture", or something similar. Also, the middle picture evidence was used for objective #6, the next one. You can only use one piece of evidence per objective, so choose where you would like it to go.

grammar

grammar

Hmmm...this sounds like you are the physician making the diagnosis. Be careful! Please change your choice of words here, as it is a misrepresentation of our profession. We do not diagnose...at that level. How else can you word this in order to make the same point?

Please don't use acronyms without first spelling them out and then putting the acronym in parentheses, e.g., range of motion (ROM). If you don't use the acronym again on the page, then you don't need to put the acronym in parentheses--don't use it at all. You can do a simple "search" on your webpage to see where else you used this.

This is a great example of summarizing the discussion board.

Briefly summarize the example from your discussion post for the reader who cannot see the image. In my case, I cannot see the image unless I zoom in, and then it is pixelated and difficult to read.

Check grammar

was

was

helps

singular or plural?

comma after the word stroke

effected or affected?

?

?

singular or plural? This is a long sentence; all verbs and subjects need to agree with each other.

singular or plural?

grammar

Shorten the sentence or divide into two distinct sentences.

punctuation

grammar, again

Is there another word you can use besides "promote"? You already used it earlier in the sentence

client with mental illness

patient or client? Please recheck each page

past tense

plural

plural

past tense

mental illnesses

Please see comment from the prior review regarding grammar used in this sentence.

Take out the first word in the sentence and the first word after the comma, including the comma. It should read: Addressing this occupation during out treatment session allowed me the opportunity...

patient or client?

Spell out an acronym and then place in parentheses before you use it the first time.

educate my client about requesting

revise word order: The discussion board below is an example

punctuation

please recheck the tense

made

the client lived

grammar? Was the PT a male or female?

him or her--you are referencing the PT, right?

I told the physical therapist the reason we were consulted for a second evaluation

to her prior living situation.

of

past tense

mother's return home because she lived by herself

who

remove this word

word order

example below

punctuation

disciplines'

worker's

What happened to the image? Did you crop it mid-sentence?

Please revise. This sentence does not make sense.

Add a space above

This makes me feel so proud to be your mentor! Thank you for taking me along this journey with you!

Overall this is a wonderful APDE. There are several suggestions for grammatical revisions as well as more specific content.

I look forward to reading the polished version! :)

The comment below references hazards. Please summarize using your own words what led your CI to provide this feedback.

This doesn't make sense--please revise this sentence.

spelling

briefly summarize a specific situation that led to your CI providing this feedback.

shows how I adequately maintained...

worked with

or

with whom I worked.

my confidence increased daily

using

Remove this clause.

Please use person-first language.

Please provide a specific example.

Remove hyphen.

Use past tense.

Please summarize the screen shot below as a specific example of how you accomplished this standard.

grammar

I don't understand what this means

Please provide a brief summary in the narrative--imagine the person reading this cannot see the image.

I find it hard to imagine that you never encountered someone who was poor, didn't have money for adaptive equipment, was not visited by loved ones, was not taken to the toilet when needed, was from an ethnic minority, etc...I believe you can dig deeper for an example.

This section is nice, but irrelevant--it talks about your aspirations, which are admirable. For the APDE, however, you need to reflect on your past experiences.

During both of my fieldwork rotations...

Nothing during your fieldwork? No in-services?

redundant--remove this part of the sentence.

may benefit me

in treating children with visual impairments.