draw on my

Please reword. Did you mean...

During my clinical experiences I recognized that most of the sites used a team-based approach ?

Please correct the grammar in this sentence and revise the sentence structure for clarity.

grammar

I

saw

to support the

was

Can you give an example of how it was useful? Did you have an opportunity to modify your behavior in response to feedback?

The signature is visible and potentially recognizable!

Unnecessary word

Is this hypothetical, or did this happen? If the latter, please provide an example and rewrite for clarity. Thanks!

are you talking about professions or professionals? Nursing is a profession, while SLPs are professionals...be aware not to mix the two

Acronym alert!

grammar

Great opportunity! I am so glad you were involved with this!

Which population?

Who was receiving?

Perhaps -- that the hospital received? Or --that the occupational therapy department received?

about?

Please revise and avoid using repetition. Did you intend to write continuing educational learning?

was given

How very interesting! Thank you for sharing!

of

Did you mean, on which to base this presentation?

I am not sure what your intention is with this statement. It is unclear to me.

What is it that you identified?

Which characteristics? Are you referring to the first sentence, or to "these ideals" that you mentioned in the previous sentence?

What do you mean by this?

This is a great example. Can you be more specific about how it addresses the patient's values and integrates it with best available external clinical evidence?

Do you need the word measures?

I don't understand what you mean by "as to be able". Is there a better way to make this statement?

Can you reword this for clarity? Perhaps--

I truly enjoyed this experience. The articles chosen for discussion enriched my learning beyond the classroom and reinforced evidence-based practice.

remove these words, they change the meaning

I am so proud of you and your team mates!

I'm not sure what you mean here. Can you reword?

about?

spelling!

This is a beautiful aspiration. Do you have an example in which you served as a role model for others? For your supervisor, fellow student, little sister, etc.?

I am not sure what this means.

This is a great example. Please see my previous comment about using block formatting for quotes longer than 40 words, following APA guidelines.

This part of the sentence doesn't fit in. Can you rework the sentence, or remove this clause?

Can you rewrite this sentence, or break it down into two?

This was very upsetting for me. I found it difficult to imagine not finishing out my rotation.

Or something like that.

I have full faith in you!

Please spell out these acronyms--if you aren't going to use them again in this page, then simply write them out.

included

at (?)

Unnecessary word

setting? I am wondering if you can find another word so that you don't repeat the word "experience" within the same sentence

I'm not sure I understand what this means--I think the word "upholding" is throwing me off! Can you reword?

What a fabulous accomplishment!

Acronym alert! What does this stand for, for the reader who might want to hire you and is not in OT academia? :)

providing

Can you find a synonym so that you don't repeat the same word twice in the sentence?

Since this APDE will potentially be used in future, write this sentence in the past tense.

I like that you include this discussion board post, but I was unable to make comments on it because it was copied from another source. For a very long citation, please indent the entire paragraph so that it appears as a block quote (see APA guidelines). It makes it easier for the reader to understand that this was from a different source.

Is this always true? Is independence the key, or participation, with whatever supports are necessary?

I realize this is a quote and that you cannot change it. However, perhaps you can provide additional reflection below?

Professions or professionals? Or clinicians from other professions?

Does the profession work on __? Is there a better way to convey this idea?

Can you perhaps give examples of these? Do you have a picture, certificate, or other piece of evidence to go along with this?

Please break down this sentence, it is too long to understand. Also, if you previously counted those service hours in terms one or two, you can't use the same activities for the APDE.

Please reword for clarity...not sure what you mean.

Please break down this very long sentence into shorter ones for clarity. You also have a spelling error.

I feel like there might be a word missing in this sentence. Can you revise please?

Decide whether you will use patient or client, and stay consistent throughout the portfolio.

New people admitted to the unit

Spell it out!

Can you word this in a positive way, so that a practitioner reading this doesn't potentially take offense?

Nice story to illustrate this criterion.

his goal

Can you write this in past tense? Also, rephrase "only something he can do"--not sure what you are trying to say here.

activities?

Does a teenager accomplish handwriting skills? Or can you word this in a better way?

Spell it out please

How does this story relate to your ability to inspire confidence in clients?

What motivated her? Can you elaborate on what you did to keep her motivated?

What do you mean by this? are they different?

See previous comments about acronyms

ensuring their buy-in

was

to

I don't fully understand this sentence; can you rewrite for clarity?

past tense, affected

multiple factors affect (not affects)

Nice

spell these out

See previous comment

Nice

Imagine that this will be read by a recruiter who is not an occupational therapist or unfamiliar with medical jargon, abbreviations, or acronyms. You and I know what OT stands for, but don't assume everyone else does.

Define the acronym before using it for the first time. If you don't use it again, simply spell it

who

Can you vary use of the word "topics"? It appears 3 times in the same sentence in fairly rapid succession.

Do you think this might be presumptive, or offensive to someone from another discipline who might read this? Imagine your recruiter or manager is a speech therapist. How would they feel reading this?

I love the photo! Did you take it? Give yourself credit! Or the photographer!

Hi Morgan! Will this statement still be applicable once you graduate? Can you think of some other way to describe yourself without having to rewrite this part in a few months?

I love the photos--can you provide captions?

Is this true for everyone?

See my comment on the previous page.

Hi Jessica,

Thank you for your hard work on this portfolio. You did a great job providing thoughful evidence to support your explanations for each criterion.

In general, you will find a lot of comments from me regarding formatting, sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation. One of the biggest challenges for me was your use of long sentences. Reading comprehension is negatively impacted by long sentences and words. I made many recommendations in the different sections regarding shortening sentences. You can do this by simply breaking them down into shorter segments.

I appreciate your patience on receiving feedback. Going forward, it shouldn't take as long, because I will only look at my annotations and your actions in response to them.

Please don't hesitate to email me, or respond here, about anything that may be unclear. If you disagree with my comments, please feel free to let me know. This is meant to help you achieve your best, most professional portfolio so that you can show it to potential recruiters/employers. While on the topic of potential recruiters or employers, please remember that this portfolio may be read by someone who is not an occupational therapy practitioner. Therefore, some of my comments related to elimination of professional jargon.

Lastly, I hope that putting together this APDE helped you realize how far you have come. I hope you are proud of your accomplishments so far. I have truly enjoyed reading about your OT adventures! xoxox

Can you reframe or reword this?

This part of the sentence is confusing, I'd recommend removing it.

Please rewrite for clarity

what? whom?

What are great qualities to have?

This is an incomplete sentence, please rewrite.

Please rewrite for clarity.

Please simplify and shorten.

I was Board Chair of the Rachel...

examples of their interests

Please rewrite to clarify who them, their, they, are.

Who? Please rewrite for clarity

I am having difficulty understanding this sentence, can you please rewrite?

How did it work out? Were you indeed successful in empowering him and his caregiver? What was the follow-through?

had

Was his visual acuity assessed?

redundant

Photo credit?

Please shorten and rephrase.

Can you use a different phrase? You have repeated it several times.

it

unnecessary words

Please rephrase

Can you rewrite this for clarity?

Perhaps, We had a zip line which started high on a stage and ended over a crash pit on the ground?

Can you find a different phrase so as not to keep using the same words?

remove these words, they are extraneous and make the sentence longer than necessary.

my fieldwork educator and I remained professional (I was taught to always give other's first place in the order and reference myself last, as a show of respect). Additionally, if you took the fieldwork educator out of the sentence, you wouldn't say "myself remained professional".

manner with which we were treating him

Please rephrase

me

Please shorten

Please rewrite the sentence for clarity.

For you?

Were you by yourself or was there another team member? See previous comment.

Who is this referring to?

Please rephrase or eliminate this clause to avoid repetition.

Please shorten sentence.

Please shorten this sentence.

See previous comment. Avoid jargon.

There is no score, just a comment

Ssee previous comment about consistency. Select either client or patient and use throughout.

Nice!

was

can you find a different word, so as not to repeat the same on from earlier in the sentence?

Consider starting a new paragraph since you have changed the topic.

Use a different word--it appears at least 4 times in 2 sentences.

Please use a different word

What does this mean? Did you mean to change behaviors based on the feedback?

avoid repeated use of the same word. Please rephrase and shorten.

Can you rephrase, shorten this part of the sentence to avoid repeated use of the word "utilize"?

Can you use a different word in order to avoid repetition?

I am very confused by this statement. It reads as though the only way to address negative behaviors in pediatric clients is through ABA.

Good

Nice!

Can you be more precise? If someone who was not an OT practitioner was reading this, how could it be interpreted?

to discuss our intervention plan

or

to discuss our treatment plan for the session.

What do you mean by this? Do you mean you would share the treatment (i.e. co-treat)? The way the sentence is written can mean something completely different.

about

Word order: did you observe him? or the session?

Consider revising to read, "After observing him for one session..."

change word order to

characteristics of __ and remember not to use acronyms unless you previously defined them.

struggled?

Define acronym

Define acronym

Please shorten sentence and rephrase for clarity.

by

Please rephrase for accuracy and clarity

Rephrase

Research? or project? Be cautious!

Please rephrase. Perhaps,

We decided to disseminate our findings by presenting the information at our professional state conference.

Or something along those lines. Please use caution when referring to "research".

Please rephrase for clarity

Research? or project? or appraisal of literature? Can you be more specific?

To avoid the appearance of misrepresentation as being part of a research team, perhaps phrase it as a student evidence-based practice group or a student research group. I just want you to be careful when using the word "research".

Please shorten the sentence, or break it down.

Was this previously defined?

Assume someone other than an occupational therapy practitioner was reading this (say, a human resources manager)--can you use a different term? Perhaps something like one-handed techniques?

Please rephrase for clarity.

Can you please rephrase for clarity? I am not sure what this means.

Nice

What you wrote about in the sentence pertains to oculomotor functions, although I am unsure about visual extinction-I have never heard of it before so I am not sure what it is. Did you learn about visual acuity and visual fields? These are the sensory aspect of vision. I will be glad to teach you about it!

Saccades are the eye movements used during scanning. Also, I am curious about visual extinction. What is this and how did you assess it?

Nice

Can you elaborate? What types of exercises were chosen to address the psychosocial aspects of recovery?

There is no need to put the acronym in parentheses if you are not going to use that acronym going forward.

to address?

See previous comment regarding consistent punctuation

Keep spacing consistent

Consistent punctuation-you have put a period at the end of each bullet point heretofore

How do you think your fieldwork educator might feel after reading this sentence? Do you think you may want to rewrite this part?

Make sure you write the acronym in parentheses after you defined it earlier in the paragraph.

Keep capitalization consistent with brand names

Please provide the generic name for this material. You can list these brand names as examples.

Sounds like a lot of fun!

There are 54 words in this sentence!!!! Please work on shortening your sentences for clarity.

in the outpatient setting

I frequently bill for evaluation and treatment. I have rarely completed an evaluation without adding value to the client. What I mean by "adding value" is that I am well aware that clients want to leave with something, not just be interviewed, poked, and prodded, and sent on their way. I always make it worth their while--through education, recommendations, and training. All those are interventions, and are billable. So, it is not always unethical to bill for treatment along with an evaluation. However, as a student, I am aware that you may not yet have the capacity to provide effective treatment alongside an evaluation. I just don't want you to think that it's always wrong to bill for both.

Very nice section!

Sometimes you use the word patient, and other times client. Please choose one and revise this entire portfolio for consistency.

Please see prior comment. The sentence structure is too long.

Please shorten this sentence! Or break it into shorter concise statements.

This too is a very long sentence which is difficult to digest. Can you rephrase it for clarity?

Please simplify this sentence.

You mentioned other opportunities in your previous paragraph. Could you reference those experiences here as well, as evidence of your ability to function autonomously?