- Apr 2020
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.com
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PTs, SLP
Acronym alert!
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is a something
grammar
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.com
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ing link
Great opportunity! I am so glad you were involved with this!
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the population
Which population?
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they were receiving at the hospital.
Who was receiving?
Perhaps -- that the hospital received? Or --that the occupational therapy department received?
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over
about?
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continuing educational learning to promote evidence-based and up-to-date learning.
Please revise and avoid using repetition. Did you intend to write continuing educational learning?
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have been
was given
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link:
How very interesting! Thank you for sharing!
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over
of
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within this specific presentation
Did you mean, on which to base this presentation?
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ecognizing that the process as well as appropriate evaluations and interventions will adapt to the needs of the patient is important for successful treatment and care of the client
I am not sure what your intention is with this statement. It is unclear to me.
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identify the following
What is it that you identified?
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These characteristics
Which characteristics? Are you referring to the first sentence, or to "these ideals" that you mentioned in the previous sentence?
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To carry these ideals throughout the entire process is pertinent to the client's overall therapy plan
What do you mean by this?
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or follow-up
This is a great example. Can you be more specific about how it addresses the patient's values and integrates it with best available external clinical evidence?
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best practice measures
Do you need the word measures?
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as to be able to relate it to my specific setting
I don't understand what you mean by "as to be able". Is there a better way to make this statement?
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I truly enjoyed this experience and felt as if the articles provided a higher level of value to my learning as well as promoted evidence-based practice.
Can you reword this for clarity? Perhaps--
I truly enjoyed this experience. The articles chosen for discussion enriched my learning beyond the classroom and reinforced evidence-based practice.
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as if
remove these words, they change the meaning
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Confere
I am so proud of you and your team mates!
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this provided us with how vital this would be to practicing clinicians on a daily basis
I'm not sure what you mean here. Can you reword?
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over
about?
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wo
spelling!
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.com
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ield
This is a beautiful aspiration. Do you have an example in which you served as a role model for others? For your supervisor, fellow student, little sister, etc.?
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In practice, we are often able to utilize our own personal experiences along with our therapeutic use of self and clinical reasoning to make decisions and demonstrate integrity
I am not sure what this means.
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atter.
This is a great example. Please see my previous comment about using block formatting for quotes longer than 40 words, following APA guidelines.
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far more than I understood
This part of the sentence doesn't fit in. Can you rework the sentence, or remove this clause?
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This was very upsetting for me and difficult to imagine not finishing out my rotation for many reasons.
Can you rewrite this sentence, or break it down into two?
This was very upsetting for me. I found it difficult to imagine not finishing out my rotation.
Or something like that.
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skills
I have full faith in you!
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LTAC, IP psych, and IP
Please spell out these acronyms--if you aren't going to use them again in this page, then simply write them out.
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include
included
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on
at (?)
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have
Unnecessary word
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experience
setting? I am wondering if you can find another word so that you don't repeat the word "experience" within the same sentence
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while also upholding a variety in skills
I'm not sure I understand what this means--I think the word "upholding" is throwing me off! Can you reword?
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ce
What a fabulous accomplishment!
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FWE
Acronym alert! What does this stand for, for the reader who might want to hire you and is not in OT academia? :)
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provided
providing
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utilized
Can you find a synonym so that you don't repeat the same word twice in the sentence?
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I am able to determine areas that I n
Since this APDE will potentially be used in future, write this sentence in the past tense.
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ork.
I like that you include this discussion board post, but I was unable to make comments on it because it was copied from another source. For a very long citation, please indent the entire paragraph so that it appears as a block quote (see APA guidelines). It makes it easier for the reader to understand that this was from a different source.
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trive to provide independence
Is this always true? Is independence the key, or participation, with whatever supports are necessary?
I realize this is a quote and that you cannot change it. However, perhaps you can provide additional reflection below?
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ssions.
Professions or professionals? Or clinicians from other professions?
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hat the profession can really work on with it's clients
Does the profession work on __? Is there a better way to convey this idea?
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rotatio
Can you perhaps give examples of these? Do you have a picture, certificate, or other piece of evidence to go along with this?
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During my time at UTHSC, I fulfilled commitments to the community through the following activities: coordinating Kindergarten Readiness workshops for schools/parents and arranged developmental screenings with an underserved population
Please break down this sentence, it is too long to understand. Also, if you previously counted those service hours in terms one or two, you can't use the same activities for the APDE.
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diverse backgrounds and holistic care perspective.
Please reword for clarity...not sure what you mean.
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Physicians on the unit believed he should be discharged home immediatelt, however, this was not going to work due to his unfortunate circumstances, so the OTs on site had to advocate for them to understand we couldn't discharge him to the streets of the city
Please break down this very long sentence into shorter ones for clarity. You also have a spelling error.
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though, was left homeless after a lapse in medication
I feel like there might be a word missing in this sentence. Can you revise please?
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- Mar 2020
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.com
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patient
Decide whether you will use patient or client, and stay consistent throughout the portfolio.
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admissions
New people admitted to the unit
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MOHO
Spell it out!
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Applying theory throughout the occupational process can often be a difficult thing to do as you enter real world settings and practitioners have often forgot this component.
Can you word this in a positive way, so that a practitioner reading this doesn't potentially take offense?
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rd
Nice story to illustrate this criterion.
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this goal for him
his goal
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this requires a lot of lower body strength and endurance, but writing his name is only something he can do
Can you write this in past tense? Also, rephrase "only something he can do"--not sure what you are trying to say here.
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thing
activities?
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item in particular he wanted to accomplish was his handwriting skills.
Does a teenager accomplish handwriting skills? Or can you word this in a better way?
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GBS
Spell it out please
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u have to do the hard work.
How does this story relate to your ability to inspire confidence in clients?
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s different motivator
What motivated her? Can you elaborate on what you did to keep her motivated?
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your therapy as well as their personal outcomes
What do you mean by this? are they different?
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TBSA
See previous comments about acronyms
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ensure their buy in
ensuring their buy-in
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is
was
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el c
to
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he group members were able to process and create ideas ways to establish appropriate patterns and habits that they each would like to incorporate into their routines.
I don't fully understand this sentence; can you rewrite for clarity?
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ffect
past tense, affected
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s
multiple factors affect (not affects)
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ice
Nice
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PT/ST,
spell these out
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PMH, CLOF
See previous comment
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is
Nice
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OT
Imagine that this will be read by a recruiter who is not an occupational therapist or unfamiliar with medical jargon, abbreviations, or acronyms. You and I know what OT stands for, but don't assume everyone else does.
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SES
Define the acronym before using it for the first time. If you don't use it again, simply spell it
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ers were
who
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opics were sensitive topics to clients that I saw, however, these topics
Can you vary use of the word "topics"? It appears 3 times in the same sentence in fairly rapid succession.
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only member
Do you think this might be presumptive, or offensive to someone from another discipline who might read this? Imagine your recruiter or manager is a speech therapist. How would they feel reading this?
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.com
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e!
I love the photo! Did you take it? Give yourself credit! Or the photographer!
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I am a third year occupational therapy student at The University of Tennessee Health Science Center in Memphis, TN.
Hi Morgan! Will this statement still be applicable once you graduate? Can you think of some other way to describe yourself without having to rewrite this part in a few months?
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morganpetersenot.weebly.com morganpetersenot.weebly.comAbout Me3
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re!
I love the photos--can you provide captions?
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remain independent
Is this true for everyone?
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I am currently a third year Master of Occupational Therapy student at The University of Tennessee Health Science Center.
See my comment on the previous page.
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jesskirkot.weebly.com jesskirkot.weebly.com
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Welcome
Hi Jessica,
Thank you for your hard work on this portfolio. You did a great job providing thoughful evidence to support your explanations for each criterion.
In general, you will find a lot of comments from me regarding formatting, sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation. One of the biggest challenges for me was your use of long sentences. Reading comprehension is negatively impacted by long sentences and words. I made many recommendations in the different sections regarding shortening sentences. You can do this by simply breaking them down into shorter segments.
I appreciate your patience on receiving feedback. Going forward, it shouldn't take as long, because I will only look at my annotations and your actions in response to them.
Please don't hesitate to email me, or respond here, about anything that may be unclear. If you disagree with my comments, please feel free to let me know. This is meant to help you achieve your best, most professional portfolio so that you can show it to potential recruiters/employers. While on the topic of potential recruiters or employers, please remember that this portfolio may be read by someone who is not an occupational therapy practitioner. Therefore, some of my comments related to elimination of professional jargon.
Lastly, I hope that putting together this APDE helped you realize how far you have come. I hope you are proud of your accomplishments so far. I have truly enjoyed reading about your OT adventures! xoxox
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jesskirkot.weebly.com jesskirkot.weebly.com
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caregiver like me more
Can you reframe or reword this?
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making the activities not therapeutic
This part of the sentence is confusing, I'd recommend removing it.
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also experienced how families can sometimes try to cross the boundary of the therapeutic relationship to where it becomes more personal and friendly than what is considered professional.
Please rewrite for clarity
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they
what? whom?
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These are great qualities to have and things to do
What are great qualities to have?
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Especially when they sit in during all the sessions and are very involved with their care
This is an incomplete sentence, please rewrite.
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It is extremely important to be active in these organizations to support the initiatives and causes established, remaining informed with the profession, along with taking advantage of the resources associated with these organizations.
Please rewrite for clarity.
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Through this role, I was responsible for overseeing the day to day operations of the clinic along with working alongside the other officers and members to serve the local Memphis community through outreach events, marketing, and treating and observing on clinic day
Please simplify and shorten.
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I had the opportunity of holding
I was Board Chair of the Rachel...
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theirs for example
examples of their interests
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This way, the other treating therapists were able to feel much more confident going to treat them for the first time, and they were able to be efficient with their time.
Please rewrite to clarify who them, their, they, are.
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them
Who? Please rewrite for clarity
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here were multiple times that another therapist would see that I was seeing a client that was new to them
I am having difficulty understanding this sentence, can you please rewrite?
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skills.
How did it work out? Were you indeed successful in empowering him and his caregiver? What was the follow-through?
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has
had
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ills
Was his visual acuity assessed?
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of the standard paper
redundant
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riting
Photo credit?
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The client and caregivers had experimented with several strategies related to handwriting because the client struggled with not getting distracted with all the lines on notebook paper.
Please shorten and rephrase.
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I also had the privileged
Can you use a different phrase? You have repeated it several times.
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the zip-line
it
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to have
unnecessary words
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explaining safety.
Please rephrase
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We had a zip-line that starts on a stage and ends at a crash pit below the zip line
Can you rewrite this for clarity?
Perhaps, We had a zip line which started high on a stage and ended over a crash pit on the ground?
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a difficult time in
Can you find a different phrase so as not to keep using the same words?
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we had
remove these words, they are extraneous and make the sentence longer than necessary.
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myself and my fieldwork educator
my fieldwork educator and I remained professional (I was taught to always give other's first place in the order and reference myself last, as a show of respect). Additionally, if you took the fieldwork educator out of the sentence, you wouldn't say "myself remained professional".
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manner we were treating him with
manner with which we were treating him
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breaking his precautions
Please rephrase
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myself
me
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Had I not utilized humor, the client may have refused the shower session because he felt too uncomfortable and then I would not have obtained the vital ADL performance scores that were required to be documented weekly to track progress throughout stays in inpatient rehabilitation.
Please shorten
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along with other ADLs to his doctor and other interdisciplinary team members the next day
Please rewrite the sentence for clarity.
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for me
For you?
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we
Were you by yourself or was there another team member? See previous comment.
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us
Who is this referring to?
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with his shower.
Please rephrase or eliminate this clause to avoid repetition.
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I also grew in my confidence to teach clients how to use adaptive equipment including dressing sticks, sock aids, shoe horns, and reachers along with problem solving situations when clients demonstrated difficulty with using the adaptive equipment.
Please shorten sentence.
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I felt much more confident during family training when I was responsible for effectively educating caregivers on proper transfer techniques including applying a gait belt, setting up the environment and client for success and safety, using proper body mechanics and encouraging communication between the caregiver and client during the transfer.
Please shorten this sentence.
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hemi techniques
See previous comment. Avoid jargon.
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score above
There is no score, just a comment
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patients
Ssee previous comment about consistency. Select either client or patient and use throughout.
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ur lives.
Nice!
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is
was
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connectio
can you find a different word, so as not to repeat the same on from earlier in the sentence?
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I l
Consider starting a new paragraph since you have changed the topic.
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administered
Use a different word--it appears at least 4 times in 2 sentences.
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administered
Please use a different word
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to apply their feedback
What does this mean? Did you mean to change behaviors based on the feedback?
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I felt at the start of the rotation that I was not confident administering and scoring various pediatric assessments, and felt that this was a weakness of mine
avoid repeated use of the same word. Please rephrase and shorten.
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utilizing a firm voice and not being afraid to utilize that strategy
Can you rephrase, shorten this part of the sentence to avoid repeated use of the word "utilize"?
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firm
Can you use a different word in order to avoid repetition?
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ometimes the clients are not receiving ABA therapy, so you become the primary therapist having to address behaviors.
I am very confused by this statement. It reads as though the only way to address negative behaviors in pediatric clients is through ABA.
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s-2 (PDMS-2)
Good
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tions
Nice!
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take over evaluations.
Can you be more precise? If someone who was not an OT practitioner was reading this, how could it be interpreted?
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discuss what our plan would be for that session
to discuss our intervention plan
or
to discuss our treatment plan for the session.
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share the sessions with him
What do you mean by this? Do you mean you would share the treatment (i.e. co-treat)? The way the sentence is written can mean something completely different.
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with
about
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After observing one session with him
Word order: did you observe him? or the session?
Consider revising to read, "After observing him for one session..."
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ADD/ADHD and autism spectrum disorder characteristics.
change word order to
characteristics of __ and remember not to use acronyms unless you previously defined them.
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les
struggled?
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jesskirkot.weebly.com jesskirkot.weebly.com
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NBCOT,
Define acronym
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AOTA
Define acronym
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In addition, I learned about the importance of location of a client's advanced care directive as it should be easily obtainable by a caregiver should the client be unable to obtain it themselves due to medical status or decreased cognition.
Please shorten sentence and rephrase for clarity.
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in
by
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research and share research
Please rephrase for accuracy and clarity
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assessments we researched and found supportive evidence for
Rephrase
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research
Research? or project? Be cautious!
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We then decided more individuals should know about our research, and the results we found, so we were accepted to present our research at the Tennessee Occupational Therapy Association conference to occupational therapy practitioners, students, and faculty members.
Please rephrase. Perhaps,
We decided to disseminate our findings by presenting the information at our professional state conference.
Or something along those lines. Please use caution when referring to "research".
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We were able to present our research at an inpatient rehabilitation facility along with presenting to our peers
Please rephrase for clarity
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research
Research? or project? or appraisal of literature? Can you be more specific?
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research team
To avoid the appearance of misrepresentation as being part of a research team, perhaps phrase it as a student evidence-based practice group or a student research group. I just want you to be careful when using the word "research".
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I would also implement IADL activities including medication management as clients often demonstrated poor insight into the impact of their stroke on the motor and cognitive skills required to locate their medications from a bin, read the label, open the bottle, remember the correct dosage, open the medication organizer lids and sort the medications correctly based on their dosage.
Please shorten the sentence, or break it down.
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IADL
Was this previously defined?
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hemi techniques
Assume someone other than an occupational therapy practitioner was reading this (say, a human resources manager)--can you use a different term? Perhaps something like one-handed techniques?
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I was able to assess meaningful occupations and then grade activities related to their meaningful occupations
Please rephrase for clarity.
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In addition, I grew in my skills to use clinical judgment and reasoning when determining appropriate goals for the client following the evaluation.
Can you please rephrase for clarity? I am not sure what this means.
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nts
Nice
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vision testing results
What you wrote about in the sentence pertains to oculomotor functions, although I am unsure about visual extinction-I have never heard of it before so I am not sure what it is. Did you learn about visual acuity and visual fields? These are the sensory aspect of vision. I will be glad to teach you about it!
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saccades
Saccades are the eye movements used during scanning. Also, I am curious about visual extinction. What is this and how did you assess it?
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ers.
Nice
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therapeutic exercise to address psychosocial factors of recovery.
Can you elaborate? What types of exercises were chosen to address the psychosocial aspects of recovery?
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(GAS
There is no need to put the acronym in parentheses if you are not going to use that acronym going forward.
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regarding
to address?
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g
See previous comment regarding consistent punctuation
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W
Keep spacing consistent
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ksThe articles included in the review are of moderate to high methodological quality
Consistent punctuation-you have put a period at the end of each bullet point heretofore
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However my fieldwork educator was not certified therefore we were unable to provide these services to our clients.
How do you think your fieldwork educator might feel after reading this sentence? Do you think you may want to rewrite this part?
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PAMs
Make sure you write the acronym in parentheses after you defined it earlier in the paragraph.
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rock tape
Keep capitalization consistent with brand names
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Rock Tape or Kinesio Tape
Please provide the generic name for this material. You can list these brand names as examples.
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ear.
Sounds like a lot of fun!
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One thing that I am excited about once I become a registered and licensed occupational therapy practitioner is having the opportunity to attend several continuing education courses and workshops to further my skills as a practitioner and learn about more specific skills or topics within the practice setting that I choose to work in.
There are 54 words in this sentence!!!! Please work on shortening your sentences for clarity.
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in outpatient
in the outpatient setting
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jesskirkot.weebly.com jesskirkot.weebly.com
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essures
I frequently bill for evaluation and treatment. I have rarely completed an evaluation without adding value to the client. What I mean by "adding value" is that I am well aware that clients want to leave with something, not just be interviewed, poked, and prodded, and sent on their way. I always make it worth their while--through education, recommendations, and training. All those are interventions, and are billable. So, it is not always unethical to bill for treatment along with an evaluation. However, as a student, I am aware that you may not yet have the capacity to provide effective treatment alongside an evaluation. I just don't want you to think that it's always wrong to bill for both.
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te safety.
Very nice section!
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patient
Sometimes you use the word patient, and other times client. Please choose one and revise this entire portfolio for consistency.
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I also learned to implement several behavioral strategies to get the most participation and effort from my clients during their sessions including implementing visual schedules, offering a token or reward system, using if-then statements, or selecting activities that are extremely interesting and motivating to the client to work towards getting to play with during their session.
Please see prior comment. The sentence structure is too long.
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also played more of education role especially with the caregivers as I was required to update the caregivers on the activities the client completed during the session, their progress within their plan of care along with provide exercises or activities to complete at home as part of their home exercise program.
Please shorten this sentence! Or break it into shorter concise statements.
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his model encourages buy-in and accountability to the caregivers to complete a home exercise program along with preventing burnout and decreased motivation and participation by the client during their sessions.
This too is a very long sentence which is difficult to digest. Can you rephrase it for clarity?
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My pediatric rotation utilized an episodes of care model that is evidence-based in which it is appropriate for most clients to be seen for twelve weeks before completing a progress note and the client taking a three month break from therapy before returning for more services.
Please simplify this sentence.
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dels
You mentioned other opportunities in your previous paragraph. Could you reference those experiences here as well, as evidence of your ability to function autonomously?
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including
included?
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that
with which?
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It was primarily neurological-based rotation regarding diagnoses and interventions provided
Please revise for grammatical clarity
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My inpatient rehabilitation
experience?
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Because of these experiences, I am a much more knowledgeable, well-rounded student and future practitioner that stemmed from taking responsibility for my own learning.
Can you revise this sentence for clarity? Perhaps:
Because I took responsibility for my own learning by participating in a variety of unscheduled experiences, I am a ...
Or something along those lines.
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ASIA
What does this stand for?
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ith a variety of diagnoses
Please use first-person language.
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needed
Good job!
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ucator
Thank you for going the extra mile!
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. Because of this, I reported that this would be problematic because he was not safe to return home without anyone available to assist him because he required supervision and cues for safety awareness while showering to reduce his risk for falling. This was just one example that I was able to represent the unique perspective and contribution of occupational therapy in an interdisciplinary setting
Nice
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ilitation.
Can you break up or shorten this sentence?
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GG codes
What does this mean? Assume someone who is unfamiliar with jargon is reading this.
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their
whose?
-