- Apr 2018
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Some of the works cited links are still broken
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exceeds
increases
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I noticed that you used a comma at the end of each quote...and that is not necessary.
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gatekeeping
With all due respect to USA Today Magazine, not really.
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seek the best information, speak truthfully, and serve the larger good
sounds like an abbreviated version of the SPJ code of conduct
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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www.theodysseyonline.com/open-letter-those-overshare-social-media.
still broken
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyjd73tUXighttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u92gj6WGW8
These video clips should be introduced so that we know how they relate to your argument.
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Every time an image is uploaded to Facebook or Twitter, it records meta-data that includes a location in longitude and latitude
"During the upload process, Facbook strips all the metadata—including the location—from the image, so no one will be able to get it from your Profile." Same for Instagram. https://www.howtogeek.com/340566/are-location-tagged-photos-really-a-privacy-concern/
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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‘Not All My Friends Need to Know’ : a Qualitative Study of Teenage Patients, Privacy, and Social Media
I'm not even gonna click on this one...
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How Trump Consultants Exploited the Facebook Data of Millions.” The New York Times,
another bad link
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“Privacy & Security Research Paper Series.”
bad link
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poseidon01.ssrn.com/delivery.php?ID=273099104103087083064099092085071023035071009020021045096002001098082110067098084075028001097122048126037065119102114014097120046045033089029073029098089122108110029050052113020030105065082072031071095011102005110101097082004108069116121022013121026&EXT=pdf%2BAmericans%2BHold%2BStrong%2BViews%2BAbout%2BPrivacy%2Bin%2BEveryday%2BLife%3A%2Bwww.pewinternet.org%2F2015%2F05%2F20%2Famericans-attitudes-about-privacy-security-and-surveillance%2Fpi_15-05-20_privacysecurityattd00%2F
Use the permalink when available, e.g., https://ssrn.com/abstract=2757465
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policies
There should have been discussion of the new privacy laws being implemented in the EU (GDPR) and what this means for US internet users. https://www.wired.com/story/europes-new-privacy-law-will-change-the-web-and-more/
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Privacy in itself is not the only thing that is important it is the principle of privacy that is also important
?
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Privacy
Seems to me that the definition and discussion of privacy should be right after the introduction/thesis.
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Many companies collect data on individuals from different place on the Internet and it is sometimes referred to as data-mining. Although, Facebook did not intentionally give Cambridge Analytica this information they were not diligent enough to protect their users.
This is important.
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50
More recent estimate is 87 million
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It was released by an
An
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are social media companies doing enough
You shouldn't be raising new questions this far into your essay.
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terms and conditions aka. the
delete
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some
any? all?
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Collegiate
College
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collegiate
college
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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Walsh_College_Football
these URLs should be hyperlinks
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The minimum number of sources was supposed to be seven. Sources should be listed in alphabetical order. Your sources were supposed to be cited in the body of your paper. URLs should be turned into hyperlinks.
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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One month after the update
Because of the large number of problems with writing mechanics, there will be no additional annotations.
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The update isn’t bad, but 95% would disagree.
So, is it bad?
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there
their
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took surface
?
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pushed and pushed
?
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When you click on the conversation you are almost forced to watch that persons story whether you want to or not and it runs all the way through your friends who posted that story
Is it possible that this was an intentional choice to increase story views and time online?
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stemming
?
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Most would agree that the new interface update isn’t a good idea, and some would say its not bad, and then others like me aren’t bothered by it.
Source? Is this based on survey or polling data?
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most nationwide popular app
? source?
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In
From
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goes off after that
Need more detail here...what exactly happens, are there options?
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live
live:
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A snapchat story is something you can post.
This is a "duh" sentence.
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; taking Selfies, sending them to friends you added on snapchat.
Seems like an incomplete list...perhaps you intended to continue without the period.
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Using snapchat messenger (an alternative to texting like Facebook with Facebook messenger)
fragment
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Being able to slide over onto a different screen and watch your snap chat friend’s stories.
fragment
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The references should be listed in alphabetical order. Also, there should be in-text citations for each source.
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Here's an updated source for you: http://nymag.com/selectall/2018/04/snapchat-discover-publishers-are-worried.html
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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airwaves
Doesn't the internet diminish this argument?
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the challenges of disseminating information are crippling democracy
?
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Robert Mugabe
How did we get from the middle-east to southern Africa?
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If Anonymous was the Wild Bunch of this new frontier, then Lulzsec was the James-Younger gang.
nice
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intangible reward for hacking derived from the internet acronym LOL
very interesting
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spouting lunacy about his pseudo-religion
This kind of editorializing would normally be considered inappropriate for an academic paper...unless your strategy is to provide evidence as to why it is justified.
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advance
we might debate this word choice :-)
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trolling
I would recommend linking to the actual page, rather than the "joke" page
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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“We are now creating a surveillance society, where the smartest way to survive is to go back to being voiceless” (Ronson).
interesting quote
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public shaming is seen as an effective form of punishment
Perhaps there is a better location for this photo...although I must say it is a very "colorful" visual aid! :-)
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internet trolls
In this case you should direct (link) them to http://ebersolemedia.com/scalar/interactive-media-sp18/troll-presentation
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Susan Breach (Stein 2016
In APA style this would be cited as follows: (Susan Breach as cited in Stein, 2016)
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Ronson
We need a bit more set-up here for the following video. Explain why you are using the video and how it will contribute to the argument that you are making.
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similar
Actually, it feels like more of the opposite of slacktivism. With slacktivism the individual gets to claim credit by revealing their identity, but does not have to follow through because there is no accounting for their actions.
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time.com/4457110/internet-trolls/
this URL should be turned into a hyperlink
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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effecting
affecting
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online social media accounts
The video clip need additional context...what is it intended to contribute to your argument?
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there
they're
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of societal interaction,
off societal interaction
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Firstly in the unsuccessful candidacy of Howard Dean in 2003, and then five years later in the election of the first African American President, Barack Obama, in 2008.
fragment
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None of your sources are cited within the body of your essay.
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www.statista.com/statistics/272014/global-social-networks-ranked-by-number-of-users/
URLs should be turned into hyperlinks
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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It can be good for music taste for example. With this filter bubble giving you new music on artists that are related to who you are following on twitter or your search results of artists on Google it could have a positive influence.
Benefits of customization/filtering.
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Cyberbalkanization and Splinternet
sources for these terms?
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The isolation from more broad and complicated topics that may not be familiar to ordinary people can be a negative effect in our learning abilities.
?
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- Works Cited should be in alphabetical order
- Some of your sources are not cited in the body of your essay
- Headings and subheads?
- The multimedia (slideshare.net presentation) does not add significantly to your essay/argument without text or VO
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Goel, Rao 300
?
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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The biggest and most recent events of social media kind of back firing on an athlete are Donte Divincenzo, Mitchell Trubisky, and Laremy Tunsil.
Because of the excessive number of errors, there will be no additional editorial remarks after this point.
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people get offended
The video needs to be introduced with an explanation of how it contributes to your argument.
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So there is always a problem when people see something like this and it blew up out of proportion saying that "Kyrie only likes to party with white women". This was just a little problem as Kyrie calmly and quickly responded with a post on his instagram saying that "I was raised by all black women and raised to treat everyone with the same respect, my yacht party was not racist.
Same as above.
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One most recent example is Kyrie Irving of the Boston Celtics was having a yacht party after celebrating his world championship he won with the Cleveland Cavaliers, Kyrie had a video taken of him his friends and all these women.
Needs to be re-written for clarity and flow.
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They know all this stuff is something that they signed up for when they made it that far, but what an athlete didn't sign up for is when they are out with their friends or just out having a good time and someone takes a video of them drinking or partying thats when everyone on social media comes out and tries to blow everything out of proportion even if its just a little thing.
Beware of run-on sentences and comma splices.
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the face of
delete
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Introduction
Formatting does not follow the example that was provided.
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Clickbait is huge when it comes to athletes.
This thought needs further development.
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normal
?
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just
delete
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image whether
image. Whether
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- References should follow APA or MLA format
- Your citations are either missing, or do not follow standard formatting
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Just a couple of quick comments:
- I didn't see evidence that giving to ALS resulted in reduced funding for other medical charities.
- You are correct to note the link between the ALS Challenge and slacktivism...but this might be one of the more positive stories that fits that label.
- Format for references doesn't follow established formatting guidelines.
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to where everyone can benefit
no
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what about the lives that aren’t associated with ALS
that's why we have other organizations to focus on their needs/concerns
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slacktivism
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want their money to make a bigger difference in the world they must donate to the organizations that need the most support
This argument assumes that donations can affect change. If heart disease is largely hereditary, and also affected by diet, donations to organizations doing research may not be as effective as donations to diseases that may have greater potential for the discovery of a cure.
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Many
Who?, we need sources.
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donators
donors
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amount
number
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that
who
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have
can have?
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medias
media platforms
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The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is a factor as to why more prominent diseases lack funding in donations
I'll be interested to see the argument for this claim.
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Good job Masha. If you were to continue to research this topic you should include Facebook's emotional contagion study and the fallout from that. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/06/everything-we-know-about-facebooks-secret-mood-manipulation-experiment/373648/
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happiness, joy, excitement
This would be a great place to mention the dopamine boost that social media is designed to deliver, e.g. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/mar/04/has-dopamine-got-us-hooked-on-tech-facebook-apps-addiction
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On average, the women described themselves as 8.5 pounds thinner in their profiles than they really were. Men fibbed by 2 pounds, though they lied by a greater magnitude than women about their height, rounding up a half inch (apparently every bit counts).
interesting
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brining
bringing
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www.nytimes.com/2011/11/ 13/fashion/online-dating-as- scientific-research.html
these should be turned into hyperlinks
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Just kiddin
:-)
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Several times you make mention of the small number of people affected by this disorder, but your thesis statement argues that this is a growing problem. Not sure what your real position is about how critical this problem is.
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amount
number
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Just because a small number of people are really impacted by this new disorder doesn’t mean all people in the gamming community are subjects in which they are impacted
This is not a logical counterargument.
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(WHO)
why the parentheses?
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Using a plunger on a clogged toilet is a fairly normal activity. Using a toilet plunger on your boss's head, not so normal.
interesting analogy :-)
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classified
?
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somewhat in the grey
the meaning of this is unclear
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Griffiths et al.
same as above
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Shadloo et al., 2017
enclose in parentheses
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if any
do you know?
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Note: Its important to understand that this definition was recently defined in the 11th draft Revision of International Classification of diseases (ICD-11). The International Classification of Diseases (ICD) is the basis for identification of health trends and statistics globally and the international standard for reporting diseases and health conditions. It is used by medical practitioners around the world to diagnose conditions and by researchers to categorize conditions.
Not sure why this paragraph begins with the "Note:" identifier.
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“... defined in the draft 11th Revision of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) as a pattern of gaming behavior (“digital-gaming” or “video-gaming”) characterized by impaired control over gaming, increasing priority given to gaming over other activities to the extent that gaming takes precedence over other interests and daily activities, and continuation or escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences. For gaming disorder to be diagnosed, the behavior pattern must be of sufficient severity to result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning and would normally have been evident for at least 12 months.”
Lengthy quotes (over 40 words) should be indented. Also, which source should be credited with this quote?
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absolutely need it.
This video needs to be introduced to explain how it contributes to your argument.
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nobody knows how to classify it as a legit mental health disorder.
this appears to be changing
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legit
beware of colloquialisms in academic writing
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Gaming disorder
I'm not sure what value this link adds, especially since the Pecha Kucha presentation has not been uploaded.
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Some of your sources are not cited in the text of your essay
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Plato's Cave
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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its
it's
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bring
brink
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Videos of Russel parading around naked and yelling on the streets of San Diego (Cadwalladr)
fragment
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People love being involved in things they think they can help with, even if they have no idea what they’re advocating for.
ouch! :-)
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provoke change
This seems like a good place to introduce the ideas of hactivism and slacktivism
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www.slate.com/blogsthe_world2014/05/20the_depressing_reason_why_hashtag_campaigns_like_stopkony_and_bringbackourgirls.html
this should be turned into a hyperlink...and your other links are incomplete
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Huffington post
Link?
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”
?
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playing like a girl
This video might help to make the point: https://youtu.be/XjJQBjWYDTs
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Maddie McGowan 15
did not find this in your list of references
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decades.”
citation?
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networking.”
citation?
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commonality.”
citation?
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Dan Godlewski 15
Where is this source in the list of references?
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Nice job!
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timeline
very cool!
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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You are supposed to have 7 sources total, and not all your sources are cited.
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Nice job with the writing!
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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in many ways addiction can be beneficial
I'm not convinced that addiction can be beneficial. What about this, https://www.cnet.com/news/sean-parker-facebook-exploits-vulnerability-in-human-psychology/, and this, http://adage.com/article/digital/sean-parker-worries-facebook-rotting-children-s-brains/311238/
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riverside
?
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for that is a good question.
for? That is a good question.
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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that
who
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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You're missing the 5 links to Pecha Kucha posts
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References should be listed in alphabetical order
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It’s scary how quickly people can be thrown into the public enemy number one category.
Yes, and this raises issues regarding internet vigilantism
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stimulate
simulate
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In order to raise awareness for the disease that attacks the body’s spinal cord and can lead to paralysis.
fragment
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charities
charity's
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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hashtag_activism##IStandWithAhmed
these should be turned into hypertext links
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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It is so because, their bodies and brains give out a great deal of improvements daily.
?
Because of the large number of errors, I am going to conclude commenting/correcting writing mechanics at this point in the essay.
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for a wide part of the children as I could agree with that
?
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these games enables young people to discharge their bad animosity into the virtual "fake" world rather than the real one.
this is known as catharsis theory
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In my though for replying,
?
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A few people are stating
typically in an academic paper this would be followed by a citation/source
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it makes it additionally intriguing to keep their thoughtfulness regarding
?
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Bots and Fake News Production
Mitch, this is not the topic that was approved
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One of the things that makes the spread of this type of news take over so quickly is the use of bots.
Another study just published: http://www.pewinternet.org/2018/04/09/bots-in-the-twittersphere/
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Even though the point was to prove that this was legitimate news, because of the overlaying fact that there is all this false news, everything is questioned.
good observation
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right-sided station
right-leaning company
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to question every source if they are reliable
to question the reliability of every source.
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medias
technology platforms
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that
delete
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Which most of the accounts were,
this is unnecessary and can be deleted...or start sentence with, According to Shao, ...
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Half
Some
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Fake
capitalization
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Fake
fake
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way or the other
one way or the other?
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Anita Sarkeesian, who is most well known for her controversial 'Tropes vs Women in Video Games' series (Romano, 2014).
You could use another sentence here to set up the video that follows.
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GamerGate
need to be consistent, e.g. using #GamerGate vs no hashtag
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pier
?
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This same defensive hostility is spilling into GamerGate, as women starting to enter the Gaming Community is being perceived as a threat by some particularly out of touch and sexist males, as their call for equal representation 'threatens' the space that these men have had to themselves for so long.
be careful of which tense you are using
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100% set in stone
another colloquialism
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not a ton of
be careful about using colloquialisms
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https://arxiv.org/pdf/1702.07784.pdf
Please turn into hypertext link (same for following sources)
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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if I recall correctly, the research from those groups indicated a wide gap between people with or without access to higher education when it comes to those who fall for fake news.
Yes, you do, in fact, recall correctly!
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- Mar 2018
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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just make sure you’re keeping this whole documenting your best life thing into perspective
good advice!
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you’ll x
your ex-
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Missing questions/answers
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Feminist Reception Studies:
need to be consistent with headings
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biast
biased
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Woman
end quote missing
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grew
grown
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The basic idea that men and women should be treated equal.
sentence fragment
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Here is an example of the Soap Opera affect this is the perspective of the stay at home dad.
this sentence needs to be rewritten, or punctuation added
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power
powerful
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mens
man's character (?)
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courses.lumenlearning.com/alamo-sociology/chapter/reading-feminist-theory/
this source also appears to be suspect
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By
No author (but this website does not appear to be a credible source)
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Obo
Carlson & Ray
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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USES AND GRATIFICATIONS RESEARCH
It would be nice to provide the link: https://academic.oup.com/poq/article-abstract/37/4/509/1816598?redirectedFrom=PDF
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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podcast, social learning theory, etymology
Ideas for your research: Freakonomics podcast, social learning theory, etymology
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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it
media (it is not the theory that affects us, but rather the media). The theory "applies" to us.
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Third Person Effect takes on the role that the ones who see the gun violence are now influenced and want to that change. Which then causes the issue with the people who stay the same and don't want the change.
This raises an interesting point as it relates to the gun violence/control debate. Like our fear of media's affect on others, many in the public believe that others cannot be trusted with guns...but they are able to have/use guns safely.
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news
not just news
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Nice job Alec!
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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There is some good info here, but you're missing important and required components: references, media, questions/answers
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Growth of media concentrationGrowing global information economyDecline of public sector mass mediaGrowing problems of information inequality
this would be a good place for a bullet list
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Nice job!
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ebersolemedia.com ebersolemedia.com
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Opinion
Okay, if you go with a question that asks for the respondent's opinion at least you can provide rational by which we would know whether it is an informed opinion. What are key terms and concepts that connect agency to social forces?
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