- Mar 2021
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pam-ponce-ot.weebly.com pam-ponce-ot.weebly.com
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Because of the holistic natur
Please justify left. It's really difficult to read prose in centered format--it comes across as poetry.
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pam-ponce-ot.weebly.com pam-ponce-ot.weebly.comAbout1
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a second year
third?
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katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com
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could see
see, or better understand?
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he/she
they
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his/her
their
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or not qualified b
check grammar
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he article I presented provided "evidence for activity- and occupation-based interventions to promote mental health, positive behavior, and social participation of children and youth with and at risk for mental health concerns and support previous studies highlighting the connection between engagement in occupation and positive mental health outcomes for children and youth
Please break down this very long sentence. I understand it is a quote but it is too long to be understood.
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nd how different professions aid in th
Please clarify this part of the sentence. I feel like a word is missing.
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LEND
If this is an acronym, please spell it out
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ADL
see comments on previous pages
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touching the texture
tolerate the texture of the food or touching the food
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not eat
refuse to eat
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o not engage in tantrum like behaviors
clarify, otherwise it sounds as though you were the one having the tantrum!
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comes
Katie, can you think of an example in which you took a risk, rather than experimenting on a patient--i.e., the patient taking the risk?
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it
a dressing
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it
they
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always
necessarily
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a
remove word a
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his
the patient's
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a
remove a
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he/she was
they were
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a patient was
patients were
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secondary
due
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of
or
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to treat
remove words
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I knew some activities to address areas of weakness
What do you mean?
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s I learned how to handle emotional distress and learned appropriate amount of engagement, the children learned what behaviors were and were no
Please rework this sentence and try to avoid repeating the same word (learned)
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b
of
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maximal
remove the word
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treating whole sessions
treating a patient for the entire duration of their session.
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expertise
remove word
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she has achieved
remove, this is redundant
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katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com
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patient's
singular or plural?
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to participating in therapy
return to therapy
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secondary
due
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realized that there is always new research being conducted, some may be beneficial and some may not be.
Please reword/rework this sentence.
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d m
the
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modify or adapt as necessary
modify or adapt what?
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negative
I don't understand the distinction here between negative and uncomfortable. Do you mean dangerous? unsafe? what do you mean by the word negative?
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all
many
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type
types
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It was crucial for patients to experience temporary discomfort
Is it crucial for someone to experience pain? Is there a better way to say this...perhaps, it is likely?
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presented a presentation
find a different word
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Patients who could come to the clinic and participate in elongation of soft and scar tissue tightness and start more aggressive active movement on POD 2 or 3 presented with better, more functional outcomes as compared to the patients who had to stay in bed multiple days secondary to medical status
Please break up this very long sentence.
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then
Break up this long sentence for clarity
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POD 2 or POD
write out abbreviation
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r p
the
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secondary to
because of
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described any significance that it may have.
Don't understand this part of the sentence--what is it referring to?
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in relation
related to
or
on the topic of
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katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com
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killed services could be beneficial to the child without being unethical if the plan of care reflected the new areas of conce
Very nice!
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had met his goals and preparing for discharge
Please correct grammar
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ction
Nice reflection.
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y really is.
Lovely reflection
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specific sensory needs to be met
required that specific sensory needs be met before
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exhibited a rehabilitative and biomechanical approache
Grammar. Please rewrite.
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Fieldwork is only as rewarding as you make it and how much time and energy you are willing to put into learning new information to implement into practice.
Please revise sentence for grammar accuracy
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while
remove the word
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ly
comma,
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.
which together promoted better self-regulation
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self-regulate while increasing
increase
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secondary
due
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ccupational therapists
occupational therapy.
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able fu
to fulfill
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occupational therapist
occupational therapy practitioners (don't forget COTAs!)
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Myself
I
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his/her
their
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er-pee
peer to peer
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ADL
See my previous comment regarding use of acronyms at the beginning of a page
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katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com katiemorgan-ot.weebly.com
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For children that presented with delayed development, I employed a rehabilitative approach while implementing interventions. For children with a diagnosis where it was unlikely that a skill would develop, I assessed supports and barriers to occupational performance and recommended modification and/or adaptations as appropriate.
Please revise for accuracy based on my previous comments.
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ely to develop
This is more descriptive of a rehabilitation approach. It would be nice if you could name each approach in each of these sentences.
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rehabilitative
Are you sure you meant to write this? Sounds like you are describing a Biomechanical approach
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When a patient was more motivated to participate in therapy sessions, the better the outcome and carryover and less time in the hospital.
The grammar in this sentence is unsound--can you please revise?
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he/she was interested
I am finding this confusing...do you mean to say, Each patient had different interests and goals, and they were more motivated to participate in sessions when the topic interested them? Can you rephrase for clarity, without repetition of the same words?
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he/she was
they were
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really instill
Can you find a better word?
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he/she
they
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his/her
their
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erapy and how well the parent was doing.
This is so important!
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ack off" and offer empathy.
Good insight! Most people don't like to be given advice.
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However,
Remove the word.
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My fieldwork educator was great continuin
Remove your opinion. Simplify by stating, My fieldwork educator continued to encourage incorporating...
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food options
healthier foods.
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nvolved a goal about
had a goal of
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are nonv
were
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For the most part, it was easier for me to communicate with the adult population at ROH Burn Center since they have a higher cognitive ability and can understand directions better than children who have not learned many skills yet.
Use past tense
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ADL
Please write out the first time the acronym is used on the page, followed by parentheses
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arise, both of my fieldwork educators at SRVS Kids try to create a detailed and elaborate home exercise program so that the parents/caregivers and children can still have access to appropriate interventions and activities to address areas of concern.
Please use past tense.
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do
did
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do
Use past tense
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is
Please use past tense.
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skills for self-care tasks like feeding.
so that he could develop fine-motor skills for self-feeding
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can
Could
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self-feed himself
Redundant--use either self-feed or feed himself
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its d
Use past tense
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- Apr 2020
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hannahphillipsot.weebly.com hannahphillipsot.weebly.com
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A concept
Yes, this is correct!
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: a
See previous comments
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: a
See earlier comment about capitalization after colon
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ogy for diagno
Capitalize first word after colon: Check APA!
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ion of
Yes, brilliant. I agree--I heard a similar talk at WFOT in 2018 which was very eye opening!
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provide a sense of well being or even be paid/unpaid work.
rephrase to make sense. possibly...
,provide a sense of well-being, and potentially give paid or unpaid employment to the client.
Something along those lines. Read it out loud and see if your sentence makes sense. It is long and hard to follow. Perhaps break it down, or use less synonyms?
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which our clients engage in
in which our clients engage
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clients I was working with
with whom I was working
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The Dark Side of Occupation: A concept for consideration
Check guidelines for title capitalization
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Australian Occupational Therapy Journal
Italicize
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at-
Can you rephrase this using first-person language?
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Oral Motor
hyphenate. Also, please remove unnecessary capitalization throughout the headings in this section.
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that parents incorporate into their
their routines (parents') or the routines of their children?
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at hom
hyphenate
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Sensory Diet which I pulled appropriate activities from for clients
Reword.
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Concept Evolution in Sensory Integration: A Proposed Nosology for Diagnosis
Look at APA guildelines for title capitalization
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rican Journal of Occupational Thera
Italicize.
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Concept Evolution in Sensory Integration: A proposed Nosology for Diagnosis
Check title capitalization rules in APA
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L.J., Anzalone, M.E
Add spaces after period between initials
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ngs I comp
Please correct previous comment. Also, this section requires a reflection, not just the evidence!
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hannahphillipsot.weebly.com hannahphillipsot.weebly.com
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s (2015)
Remove year here. You wrote it after the author.
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ccupational Therapy Code of
This needs to be correctly formatted according the APA. The author is American Occupational Therapy Association. The title of the work is the Occupational Therapy Code of Ethics .
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T (S
Write out San Francisco since you did not describe this abbreviation previously
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hannahphillipsot.weebly.com hannahphillipsot.weebly.com
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I led a gir
Please see my comment from April 12th about use of the word "girl". I think you may have missed this one
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tiviti
Nice
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opportunity for the clinician to ask follow up questions about the child’s level of independence and identifying strengths or barriers to their engagement.
Break this down. It does not make sense as written.
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ation.
Nice example!
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pedestrians must walk against oncoming traffic and overtaking.
Separate these, possibly by comma. Otherwise this clause does not make sense.
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the gi
Perhaps "young women"? I personally find the word "girl" offensive, especially if some are already mothers.
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For example, when utilizing sensory processing disorder language and techniques I was able to communicate with a child about what their body needed, discuss activities for sensory regulation at home (i.e. doing bear crawls down the hallway during bedtime routine) with the parent, and discuss whether the child was sensory seeking or defensive with coworkers.
Can you give an example of effective communication? You described here the background, but not the actual description of the communication you yourself used to make it effective.
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ild
write the abbreviation
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nd/o
Choose one
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and/o
Choose one
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hannahphillipsot.weebly.com hannahphillipsot.weebly.com
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Acs: activity card sort
Needs capitalization since this is a formal name of a test; a proper noun
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m.”
It would be safer for you to state that the name has changed to preserve the client's confidentiality
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o treatment.
Very nice!
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an almost entry level
perhaps you can rephrase as
future occupational therapist
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hannahphillipsot.weebly.com hannahphillipsot.weebly.comAbout Me1
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ent
See previous comment. Include UTHSC in parentheses
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cpinkard.weebly.com cpinkard.weebly.com
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famili
past tense, was familiar
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is
past tense
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tional a
Please see comment from previous submission.
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ractice.
Needs relevant reflection
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ce models.
Needs relevant reflection
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he/sh
They
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ss and/
See previous comment about use of slash. Select one or the other, not both. The slash slows the flow of the sentence and gives the appearance of lack of decisiveness.
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cpinkard.weebly.com cpinkard.weebly.com
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o
Perfect!
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nts!
Perfect!
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One client here at the Regional One burn center is a 13-year-old girl. She was burned on over 80% of her body, including both hands. She told me and my FWE that she used to enjoy drawing before her injury. She wanted to color one day so we put a thick marker in her hands and helped her hold it as she tried to color. It was not very successful and she quickly gave up (I think
Still a ragged margin--there must be a way to create an indented paragraph
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voice." I spoke to him one day about how I could see it was frustrating that he had difficulty communicating. Just me acknowledging his feelings caused him to cry. I asked my FWE if I could make a communication board for him. I also ended up sewing a universal cuff so that he can use a pen as a pointer. I covered the board in packing tape so that it is durable and can be cleaned. I included phrases such as "I want..." and "I feel..." as well as words he may want to fill in. I included an outline of a human body for him to indicate where he feels discomfort/pressure/etc., a keyboard so he can spell out words/thoughts as wel
This is correct however the left margin is now ragged rather than straight--can you figure out the formatting issue? You may want to ask one of your classmates. Morgan did a great job with this--perhaps you can reach out to her.
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ent here at the Regio
See previous comment on block quotes.
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at the burn center at Regional One, specifically in the ICU and step-down units. One client has a very deep burn and has had some complicati
Courtney, check APA formatting guidelines for quotes greater than 40 words. Lose the quotation marks and indent the entire paragraph.
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ask
Perfect!
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nne
Very good!
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eam
Lovely!
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So, one day I had a few extra minutes so
Remove one of the instances of the word "so"
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She had been going through some tough times in her personal life that was affecting her mood
Subject verb inconsistency: times = were affecting
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ally to his ne
Very nice!
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tative/le
Please try to avoid using a slash--it breaks up the flow and continuity of the sentence. Choose one of the words.
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futureot.weebly.com futureot.weebly.com
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we
you missed this
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.-
Is the hypen meant to be there? Does not look correct. Let me know!
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B., A
and
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H. Westerberg, H. Jacobaeus, T. Hirvikoski, P. Clevberger, M.-L. Östensson, A. Bartfai & T. Klingberg
Incorrect formatting--last name first followed by first name initial
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Alon, G., Levitt, A. F., & McCarthy, P. A. (2007). Functional Electrical Stimulation Enhancement of Upper Extremity Functional Recovery During Stroke Rehabilitation: A Pilot Study. Neurorehabilitation and Neural Repair, 21(3), 207–215. doi:10. 1177/1545968306297871Brouwer, B., Ambury, P. (1994). Upper Extremity Weight- Bearing Effect on Corticospinal Excitability Following Stroke. Archives of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation. 75(8), 861-866. doi: 10.1016/0003999394901104Crosbie, J. H., McDonough, S. M., Gilmore, D. H., & Wiggam, M. I. (2004). The Adjunctive Role of Mental Practice in the Rehabilitation of the Upper Limb after Hemiplegic Stroke: A Pilot Study. Clinical Rehabilitation, 18(1), 60–68. doi: 10.1191/0269215504cr702oaDohle, C., Püllen, J., Nakaten, A., Küst, J., Rietz, C., & Karbe, H. (2009). Mirror Therapy Promotes Recovery from Severe Hemiparesis: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Neurorehabilitation and Neural Repair, 23(3), 209–217. doi: 10.1177/1545968308324786H. Westerberg, H. Jacobaeus, T. Hirvikoski, P. Clevberger, M.-L. Östensson, A. Bartfai & T. Klingberg. (2007). Computerized Working Memory Training After Stroke: A Pilot Study, Brain Injury, 21(1), 2129. doi: 10.1080/02699050601148726
Amanda, please follow APA guidelines. The title of the article should not have each word capitalized. The alignment should be a hanging indent--not centered.
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I took made sure
One of these words does not belong
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on
Amanda, this image isn't any better! Why don't you simply list them rather than use an image. Please use the correct format following APA guidelines--these are inconsistent and in an unknown format.
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53 year old
hyphenate
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2 d
hyphenate
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cpinkard.weebly.com cpinkard.weebly.com
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intrinsic muscle strengthening activities
Which intrinsic muscles?
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oals.
Nice.
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field
Nice!
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evidence related to our clients' medical and therapy needs. I have gotten an opportunity to practice my evidence-based pr
The first two rows are out of line with the remainder--same issue as previous block quotes.
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2
APA= two
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t m
is there a word missing?
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abilities
Please give a specific example to support this statement.
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sources
Please provide an example to support this general statement
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he burn unit a
Block quote--see previous comments
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cpinkard.weebly.com cpinkard.weebly.com
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ul.
Please summarize here.
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of my fa
Block quote, see previous coments.
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o doing
Lovely!
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jesskirkot.weebly.com jesskirkot.weebly.com
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ear old
hyphenate!
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laurenmcrowder.weebly.com laurenmcrowder.weebly.com
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,
Delete extra space between word and comma
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titioner.
Lovely!
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rhoodsd.
spelling
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laurenmcrowder.weebly.com laurenmcrowder.weebly.com
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d to
Presented what? Or reword...
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es and go
Nice! I see you are enjoying the restorative aspects of the Biomechanical approach!
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UE
Acronym!
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AOTA
Acronym!
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CVA
Acroym alert! Just write it out, especially if you won't use it again!
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AJOT
Acronym alert!
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to therapy.
Nice!
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laurenmcrowder.weebly.com laurenmcrowder.weebly.com
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ent.
Nice
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96 years old
hyphenate
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96 years old
hyphenate
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aily needs.
Lovely
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and non-compliant
In this context, I would argue that the client was non-conforming to treatment, rather than non-compliant. Your goal was to provide therapy, but that was not his goal at that moment. Since we as a profession claim client-centeredness, is it right to say he was non-compliant? Just a thought for the sake of argument. I am not sure if you need these words here. If I was a family member of the client, I might take issue with this! What do you think?
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laurenmcrowder.weebly.com laurenmcrowder.weebly.com
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t are
cannot
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of ho
missing a word here, previously gave you feedback which needs to be addressed!
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let, ect)
et cetera is abbreviated etc., not ect! Please correct!
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futureot.weebly.com futureot.weebly.com
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ts'.
Remove the apostrophe!
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futureot.weebly.com futureot.weebly.com
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stays
past tense--stayed
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Sometimes I have been completely immersed in the shower in order to prevent a patient from falling.
This sentence needs to be reworked for clarity. It doesn't convey the situation. Here is a suggestion, although you might think of a better one:
Sometimes I have had to step into the shower while the patient was bathing, to prevent a fall.
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ce
insert a comma after the word balance
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y.
separate words: every day
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ey c
Could
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s'
remove apostrophe
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