- Apr 2022
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clareot.weebly.com clareot.weebly.com
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earn how to quickly,
the sentence appears incomplete
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I worked on my confidence in a patient's room
Clarify
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I always pursued conducting myself professionally and I set goals for myself that I would express to my educator to help keep me accountable
Rephrase for clarity
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I have enclosed
Here is
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this
which?
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is
past tense to match the remainder of the sentence
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An OT has a unique perspective in this discussion as we are looking at, can this person safely go home and take care of themselves upon discharge?
Break this down into two parts.
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had the opportunity to attend
attended
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sometimes have low self-esteem and talk poorly about his performance during activities
he would sometimes talk poorly about his performance during activities, indicating low self-esteem.
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We would also make sure that if this child had a session time that overlapped with a meal, we would make sure that he had the chance to eat what he needed as we were unsure if he had food stability at home
grammar, rewrite for clarity
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,
no comma necessary
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PT.
Acronym alert!
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clareot.weebly.com clareot.weebly.com
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would also have him weight bear through
position his left upper extremity to facilitate weight bearing and engage the muscles on his left side.
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sat edge of bed
sat at the edge of the bed
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During my time in the acute care setting, I learned quickly how time sensitive evaluating and establishing a plan for a client can be. In school, we have time to read a case study, understand a person’s deficits and document and plan all in an extended amount of time, not conducive to real life
Try to find a synonym for the word "time" which is written 4 times in 2 sentences.
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this child
he
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OT coming to evaluate them
the OT evaluation
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you can place the comma here, after the word knee
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,
remove comma
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is i
This quote
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this aspect of my time
Not really...it's not describing an aspect of your time....what is it describing?
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I have included
Here is
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im.
Cute video
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go on the potty
use a toilet
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how to help a child with autism potty train
how to help potty train a child with autism
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y time
To make it easier to read, avoid repeating the same word in a sentence. Here you repeated the word "time". Consider rephrasing the beginning of the sentence: While at Pediatric......etc., I spent a lot of time....etc."
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I have included a comment from my educato
Where is it included? Perhaps rephrase: On my final evaluation, my educator at SF explained how I improved in my education and communication skills ....during my rotation with the following comment: "Clare has ...etc."
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I was able to educate patients about all different precautions after surgery and how it impacted their ADLs such as lower body dressing specifically and using durable medical equipment such as rolling walkers
Break down this sentence into two.
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set
I find this sentence confusing. Is there another way to rephrase? Can you write the sentence from a first-person point of view?
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live their life differently from me or certain barriers in their life
This is an incomplete sentence
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her upper and lower body bathing,
- instead of "her dressing, her upper body bathing, her...." can you simplify and say something to the effect of--I observed her dressing, bathing, grooming.....etc?
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assessed
to avoid repetition of this word, can you think of another one to use here?
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done before during
the two words together, before during, are confusing. Please rephrase
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ADLs
acronym alert
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center at which she was there to become sober
rephrase for clarity.
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abuse
use...abuse is judgmental
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to
remove word
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this woman
she
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n years past
remove, this is redundant
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In this woman’s
However, in her previous..
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a right below the knee amputation (B
rephrase for clarity: an amputation of her right leg below the knee (below knee amputation = BKA).
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and poses
Start a new sentence. It poses a threat...
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typically
word order--move up in the sentence before "affecting"
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in the acute care
do you need this part?
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clareot.weebly.com clareot.weebly.comAbout Me2
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OT
Spell out any acronym/ abbreviation the first time it appears, and place in parentheses if you intend to use going forward.
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B.S.
Spell out
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com
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tity
The Linked In requests my login information to view your profile--and I don't have one! The resume shows that it is a private account and I need permission to view...you may need to change the setting to allow public viewing.
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lines and IV
I would change the word order: ...to safely manage clients' intravenous and other lines.
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HIPAA
either spell this out or write a generic word that describes what HIPAA means....e.g., privacy, confidentiality
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d
plural to match the next word
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received
had
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treated a wide array of diagnoses
Did you treat diagnoses or people?
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rapy.
I wish you could tell about this experience to your classmates! It is so powerful! What a great story!
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Throughout this fieldwork experience, I had the opportunity to evaluate and treat several clients who had this surgery, and while I knew what precautions to tell the client based upon if the surgery was an anterior or posterior approach, there was still some part of me that was confused on the specifics of anterior vs. posterior.
The position of this sentence in the paragraph is confusing because it doesn't follow the chronological sequence of events you are describing. I would recommend that you reorganize the sequence of sentences to follow a more chronological order, to lessen the reader's confusion. Either way, THIS IS SO AWESOME. Boy did you take a worthwhile risk!! So proud of you!
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This
It
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urg
YAY! I am jealous!
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ng
Great work!
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one area
different visual skills/components (select one and be consistent)
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itself
remove word
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py members.
team members?
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o
Nice
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of
extra word
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was able to advocate
advocated
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com
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grow
can you find a synonym?
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these diagnoses
clarify
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e about the various diagnoses and common treatments used with these diagnoses.
repetition--please rewrite for accuracy and clarity
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with diagnoses co
did you work with diagnoses or people?
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y
spelling
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tion
spelling
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to
remove word
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that
remove word
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these
the
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was able to participat
participated/ partook
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com
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had the opportunity to create
I created fliers for the event
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t
spelling
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m
grammar
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si
Lovely
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also
"I also" is repeated--can you find another way to express this without repetition?
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nments
find a synonym--I counted the word "assignment" three times in the last two sentences.
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the student
him
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with remembering to provide space
to insert a space between words
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very
What a great story!
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ns
past tense
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was
remove word
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With clients who have this surgery, we evaluate them the day after surgery.
Shorten for clarity
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es.
Fabulous example!
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the student
he
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this
it
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had the pleasure of working
I am sure you are trying to convey a good experience, but be careful of using language that could appear evaluative or patronizing, even if you are trying to express a positive sentiment.
For example, the sentence could completely be misinterpreted to read that your pleasure is someone else's disorder.
I would suggest that you simplify: During my time...etc...I worked with a...
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A
remove capitalization
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OTR/
Synopsis needed
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nt.
Lovely reflection
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to
remove word
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This
It
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d
he
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was
remove word
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Since these clients are most likely receiving serious information all day, I found that by being positive and attempting to shed light during dark situations is sometimes the best remedy
Rewrite for clarity. Please use past tense.
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Clients are not only struggling physically
The sentence, in addition to the previous one, needs to be moderated so that you don't sound like you are making unfounded assumptions about ALL people in acute care. Perhaps, "I observed clients who struggled physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
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leads
always?
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that they are completely unprepared for
for which they are completely unprepared.
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A
This paragraph is a great example of how you provided a synopsis of the image above.
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This
It
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overtime
separate the two words
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IVS
spell it out
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MH
Imagine I was blind and could not read the image--provide a synopsis
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ack
Provide a brief synopsis of the artifact, in case the person reading this cannot access the image.
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a visual
a visual what?
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com
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le
Nice!
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nt.
Sweet!
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t
grammar
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solely only
use one or the other, not both words
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Coronary Artery Bypass Graft s
no need for capitalization
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to
unnecessary word
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6. Ap
In general, there needs to be more space between the text above the heading--there's more space after the heading and its associated text than from the previous text and the heading. It looks odd throughout the portfolio on all pages
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have be
past tense
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he
Lovely reflection
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nd becoming extremely short of breath.
rewrite for clarity--sounds like the oxygen became out of breath, not the woman
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, OT
Please provide a synopsis of the image for someone who cannot read it
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is
was
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have learned
learned (remove the word have)
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e
Great.
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e
spelling
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clients
they
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ube",
Cool, never heard of this! I'm stealing for future use!!!
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ts who had a coronary artery bypass graft surgery on how to perform dressing within their sternal precaution
I would rewrite for clarity. Suggestion: One specific example is how I educated clients to dress after coronary artery bypass...etc
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would educate
educated
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.comABOUT ME5
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is.
Lovely!
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OT
Make sure you spell out the acronym/abbreviation first time using it, and then place in parentheses. Someone reading this might be an administrator without knowledge of OT
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on
Yes! Stay in touch with me for sure!
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am
use past tense, as this will all be behind you once you are ready to put it out into the world.
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I am currently a second year occupational therapy student at The University of Tennessee Health Science Cent
Perhaps rephrase. Suggestion: I developed this portfolio while I was a second-year student...etc.
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mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com mallori-rodrigueot.weebly.com
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upational therapy practitioner, and access my LinkedIn profile and resumé. Enjoy!
Love this landing page--very joyful. However, I would phrase this in the past tense as you will have completed your FW by the time you use this as your professional portfolio going forward. Also, I would combine the home and about me pages into one single landing page, to make it easier to navigate.
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otallisonnance.weebly.com otallisonnance.weebly.com
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need to
needed
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is top
If someone was accessing on a screen reader, what would the image say? Please provide a synopsis. The same applies to all of the instances where you provided an image of text
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CI (clinical instructor)
reverse order--first spell out then place in parentheses
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interacting with within t
seems to be an extra word here
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dy types
I love this, wish I could see the product! You are a good writer
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T
no capitalization
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hilippine’s
grammar
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otallisonnance.weebly.com otallisonnance.weebly.comMy Site1
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OW M
I don't see the need for both Home and About pages; perhaps you can condense them into one landing page.
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otallisonnance.weebly.com otallisonnance.weebly.comAbout3
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TNOTA
See previous comment
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UTHSC
Acronym alert! Make sure you spell this out and place in parentheses the first time you use the acronym if you are going to continue using throughout the portfolio.
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B.S.
Spell this out--not every reader may be familiar with the acronym.
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otamypatton.weebly.com otamypatton.weebly.com
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ofe
Lovely
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nts
possessive
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ts
Grammar: possessive
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things that may interfere with a productive day, they are all things
Can you find a synonym for "things" so that the word isn't repeated in the sentence?
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ents
possessive
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needed to be
Did the patient need to be changed? Or did they need to be cleaned?
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r
Place a period after the word occur, and start a new sentence with the example. You can start the next sentence with the words "For example, after a therapy session one patient had an unexpected bowel movement....." or something along those lines.
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ers
grammar: possessive
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had the opportunity to hold a leadership position of being the
held a leadership position as treasurer
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of the younger student h
spelling
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s
spelling
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To help clients become as independent as possible and helping them become more confident in their abilities.
Grammar: incomplete sentence
-
ed:
These are brilliant!
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sk a
tasks
-
their
-
are needing
needed
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By taking this risk, I was able to learn from others and discuss this situation with my educator to learn how to prevent situations like this from occurring in the future for both myself and colleagues within the therapy department.
Rewrite for clarity: think of the order of actions
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as if I was
I felt unable to
or I was unable to
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therapist d
grammar: possessive
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R
unnecessary capitalization
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I did not judge, recognized context clues and engaged in conversation appropriately
Grammar
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With that being said
Do you need this clause? What is being said? Is this clause necessary for the rest of the sentence?
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day
such fun!
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this date
that day
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this
the
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tension situ
tense
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oductive t
I bet it was productive in terms of other outcomes that were not addressed in his IEP goals, such as socialization and participation in group activities
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Im n
punctuation
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his best friends being present
the presence of his best friends.
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This
The
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f the boys in this class
of his classmates
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his student
he
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and events and did not want to come to O
grammar
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OTR/L:
Describe
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0% of the c
see previous
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eating 100% of the caseloa
see previous comments
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was able to become more
became
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I prioritized fieldwork during the week as well as continuing to work at Lebonheur during the weekends.
You prioritized both?
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b as
grammar/spelling
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PRN
Acronym
-
Seitz
see previous comment
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By having strong communication skills, when I was struggling, I used this to my advantage
Rephrase for clarity, word order
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was able to reach
reached
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as I felt I strug
because I struggled with this initially
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ade task u
grammar
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as if
what do you mean by this phrase? Can you express it more clearly?
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was able to notice
past tense, noticed
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OT
See previous comments about screenshots of discussions, and other images.
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was able to write
use past tense...I wrote a note
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SLP
acronym alert
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s
grammar, possessive
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This was my first time treating this
Avoid repetition of the word "this"
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was able to
asked...and created.
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treating more of the caseload
see previous comment--were you treating the caseload?
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saw her use or use h
rewrite for clarity, try to avoid repeated use of the word "use"
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certain
specific
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treat the caseload.
did she treat the caseload?
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