4,279 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2022
    1. ings:

      what is it showing?

    2. If she had questions for me I was able to provide feedback to how I would do something to allow her to have a different perspective.

      Rewrite for clarity, I am not sure what you mean,

    3. fieldwork educator gave me the opportunity to share my initial goals for this rotation and asked about my learning styl

      Try to avoid using repeated phrases like "gave me the opportunity", which is repeated in the next sentence.

    1. was a research article published

      Concise. This article was published in...

    2. to my fieldwork educators.

      this phrase needs to be placed after the word "presented" earlier in the sentence

    3. research

      Is this the most accurate verb?

    4. ed: 

      Does the second RASS question read--Are there fish in the SEAR? I can't tell, it's small on my end.

    5. badge card.

      Fabulous

    6. OTs

      grammar, possessive

    7. OTR/L: 

      Synopsis needed.

    8. EP

      Acronym

    9. I was able to select five students to complete comprehensive evaluations on using standardized and non-standardized assessments

      Grammar. Please revise for clarity.

    10. ions

      See previous comment about screenshots of discussion posts

    11. h a

      research project

    12. EBP

      Acronym alert!

    13. ns: 

      Find a synonym for the word discussions, so that it's not repeated. Also provide a synopsis for someone who cannot see the image.

    14. research

      is it accurate to call this activity research, or reading?

    15. I was a consumer of research as I took the time before this rotation to review the research presented to me to be prepared.

      This sentence needs revision for clarity

    16. early mobilization protocol

      grammar==an early protocol? early protocols?

    17. team.

      Great

    18. TNOTA

      Acronym alert--has this appeared before?

    1. OTR/L

      Provide a synopsis of the comment

    2. had the opp

      see previous comment.

    3. ail

      Love this!

    4. had the opportunity

      remove this phrase--it is overused. Simplify--I collaborated with my FW educator...

    5. to incorporate tactile input

      incorporate into what?

    6. n

      -themed

    7. This

      What does "this" refer to?

    8. etermine

      use a synonym so you are not repeating the same word in the sentence.

    9. e

      a

    10. ts

      grammar

    11. /

      Provide a synopsis--assume person reading this cannot access the image.

    12. get t

      her to go to

    13. For this student I discussed with my fieldwork educator and the student’s teacher to determine what their current plan was when transitioning.

      Grammar--can you express this more concisely and clearly?

    14. that I would be working with

      with whom I would be working

    15. OT he felt more confident in going home

      Grammar. Perhaps...."how working with OT gave him confidence to go home".

    16. ADL task

      acronym and grammar

    17. TBI

      acronym

    18. these clients

      them

    19. are scared they are going to fal

      past tense

    20. begin

      past tense

    21. PT

      acronym

    22. or majority

      most

    23. s or assault

      Check grammar for the entire sentence

    24. itz, OT

      see previous comment about posting images with written information

    25. allowed us to maintain an open

      opened up a

    26. his

      It

    27. with who

      with the person

    28. ol

      Love this

    29. ion to who I was and that I would be assisting in OT services for their child.

      It's really difficult to understand what you are trying to convey--please rewrite for clarity.

    30. students familie

      grammar

    31. c, OTR/L:

      provide synopsis. See previous comment

    32. client’s

      grammar

    33. confirmed with the nurse

      what did you confirm?

    34. had the opportunity

      It wasn't an opportunity--it was part of your work. Can you rephrase?

    35. R/L

      Provide a synopsis for the reader who may not be able to view the artifact. Treat the images as decorations rather than as content.

    36. culture humility

      grammar

    37. ICU

      Make sure you previously placed this acronym in parentheses.

    38. of these

      which? do you need the words?

    39. With that being said

      what being said? Do you need this part of the sentence?

    40. ROH

      Acronym alert--I didn't find this in parentheses previously

    41. a wide variety of

      remove words--"a wide variety" is synonymous with "diverse"

    42. had the opportunit

      worked

  2. otamypatton.weebly.com otamypatton.weebly.com
    1. T

      This section is wonderful. I think you can make the entire website a little more streamlined by combining this page with the first one. Also, the linked in page askes me to log into my linked in account (which I don't have) rather than leading me directly to yours. You should be able to put a link to it on your resume tab, rather than having a separate one.

    2. positive on

      certain (remove the word "on")

    3. OT is a unique profession that works to empower and increase confidence in each and every one of our clients to achieve their occupations and every day activities that are meaningful to them

      Rewrite for clarity

    4. where the ultimate goal is to promote independence and improve quality of life.

      Separate this sentence from previous--it's too long

    5. widespread

      wide range

    6. OT

      Acronym alert!

    1. I have provided

      is

    2. I was open with

      Is there a clearer, more concise way to say this?

    3. words. 

      Lovely

    4. an activity that is challenging for them

      a challenging activity

    5. o

      Very nice!

    6. I have provided

      are

    7. Below I have provided a journal reflection I typed up for myself on this experience for anyone interested in hearing more on why this opportunity meant so much to me and what all I did and observed during this experience.

      Please shorten this long sentence; I appreciate you providing the reflection. I am hesitant for you to use it since it can be misinterpreted as patronizing or condescending--e.g, "individuals...who are probably feeling lost, lonely, and forgotten". While this may be true in some instances, in other cases you may be making the wrong assumption. There may be individuals who feel like they have a role, friends, and safety in the prison environment which may be better than what they had experienced prior to incarceration. You and I may not be able to wrap our minds around this but we cannot make assumptions about how people feel, unless they say so specifically. There are probably people in all walks of society that feel lonely and forgotten--not just in the prison system. You may be right about some of them, but you may be wrong about others.

    8. mportance/relevance of kitchen related activities on psychosocial factors.

      Rewrite for clarity please

    9. I decided to create a meal prep activities binder based on the information I learned when researching the psychosocial benefits of cooking interventions as well as my observation of a lack of meal prep activities for individuals with impaired cognition

      Shorten the sentence please

    10. do in order to maximize my knowledge on this setting and learn more about what OTs can do to make a difference in the lives of these individuals.

      Remove this from the previous sentence and start a new, clear, concise phrase.

    11. but to be

      feeling

    12. that I have been so interested in for so long

      remove this, it makes the sentence long and labored.

    13. ed

      Fantastic!

    14. because she stated she did not have time to check on patients who were not on her caseload

      This is a very long sentence, difficult to understand. Please shorten or revise the last part.

    15. e

      at Encompass North

    16. at Encompass North

      see previous comment about word placement

    17. My discussion board post goes more in depth of

      I described

    18. on.

      Lovely

    19. have been

      was

    20. who still have eligible years in th

      Not sure what this means. I commented on this earlier. If you elaborate in the previous section, then trim up this one--no need to repeat the information.

    21. had the opportunity to work

      worked

    22. My confidence and self-assurance grew so much because of this responsibility my educator entrusted me with, and I believe I demonstrated it well the more opportunities I was given to do this. 

      Rewrite for clarity

    23. e

      Wonderful reflection!

    24. After lots of practice with my educator supervising me

      Use more concise language

    25. with reaching

      to reach

    26. weaknesses within this setting were

      weaknesses were within this setting

    27. super aware

      is there a more professional phrase?

    28. are

      were

    29. has

      remove word--this should all be in past tense

    30. have

      remove word

    31. nce

      See previous comments about describing the artifact...what does it say?

    32. e agreed that every Friday afternoon after we were done treating and documenting that we would sit down together and go over what site objectives I had met throughout the week as well as the areas I was improving in and the areas that I still needed additional practice and confidence in

      Break this down!

    1. ntion decisions.

      Don't expect the reader to have to search these images for the relevant information or read these discussion board posts--provide a synopsis. The image should just be a decoration.

    2. will go more in depth of what I learned about incorporating an oral hygiene protocol for patients who have had a stroke

      Not sure how to read this.

    3. was always striving

      strived or continually strived

    4. I have provided

      more concise language: Below are screenshots..

    5. left neglect and right inattentio

      see previous comment

    6. that I was unfamiliar with

      with which I was unfamiliar, or unfamiliar to me

    7. t me.

      You may want to erase the name of your FW educator and the others copied on the email, to protect their privacy

    8. is. I

      How wonderful. My eyes teared up reading this. In a good way! Proud of you for carrying the torch!

    9. and that

      and told me that

    10. one specific girl who had

      more concise language

      a girl with

    11. had the opportunity to attend

      attended

    12. ADL

      acronym alert!

    13. oe

      did

    14. During my first treatment session with this patient, I learned more about her interests and what leisure activities were most meaningful to her when I had her complete the Activity Card Sort (ACS)

      Rewrite this sentence for clarity. Perhaps-- During my first tx session, I had her complete the ACS. I learnt about interests and leisure activities that were meaningful to her.

    15. the just right challenge

      either:

      provided the patient with just the right challenge, or

      provided the patient with the "just right challenge".

    16. ADLs;

      acronym alert!

    17. CVA

      Acronym alert! Spell it out the first time on the page, if you will continue using it.

    18. I have

      remove these words, they are unnecessary

    19. ope.

      Provide a synopsis; see previous comments.

    20. specifically researching about the community reintegration skills we can educate them on and help them achieve for themselves

      was this research? or a literature review? Also, the sentence is very long. Perhaps break it down and rephrase this part?

    21. I have provided

      is

    22. I ended up finding an online presentation via zoom where there would be a special guest speaker who is a doctor and specializes in different types of cancer

      Write this in past tense. ....presentation by a doctor (or what? physician?) who specialized in different types of cancer...

    23. able!

      Great

    24. from

      on the website

    25. research

      is it accurate to call this "research"?

    26. is in control of

      controls

    27. t

      right-sided

    28. t n

      left-sided

    1. ech

      I bet you were! So proud of you

    2. OT school based on my own personal experience as well as to make sure I was evaluating and treating patients with integrity at all times because I knew they were watching me.

      This is a very long sentence, and the last part doesn't completely seem to relate to the first part.

    3. ns

      Nice!

    4. HIPPA

      either write this out, or use a layman's explanation. It's okay to talk about protecting the privacy of other patients' information.

    5. I was exposed to

      to which I was exposed.

    6. as if

      that

    7. wing in this area

      see previous comment about screen shots. Please provide a brief synopsis of what it says, for a reader who cannot access the image.

    8. I am associated with

      with which I am associated

    9. myself

      me

    10. more open

      what was the result of your advocacy? did they agree to include OT? did they agree to continue offering a FW placement? How do you now they were more open?

    11. Neither of these programs currently provide occupational therapy services to their interns; therefore, I was able to advocate for and explain the unique perspective of occupational therapy within these settings by preparing and leading meaningful group sessions, assisting with adapting occupations such as cleaning and cooking as needed for each individual intern, and educating the other team members (primarily special education teachers, educational assistants, and job coaches) on what they can do to support interns who may be experiencing sensory processing challenges or behavioral issues.

      This is a very long sentence. Please revise, break it up into separate sentences to make it easier to understand and read.

    12. who still have eligible years within the public school system

      what does this mean? does it mean that they are still eligible to receive support services through the education system until age 21?

    13. terested

      This is fantastic! How is it different from the previous criterion?

    14. unfortunate situation

      Be mindful of potentially judgmental language. Even if you mean well, you don't want to risk coming off as patronizing.

    15. I have posted a screenshot of a discussion board post I wrote elaborating on how I advocated for these individuals during community eve

      Assume the reader is blind and cannot access the image. What does it say? Give a synopsis. I want to know about your actual advocacy activities--give me an example.

    16. Most of the time these young adults will end up staying at home with no job unless their caregivers are motivated to help them with the processes of this

      What does "this" refer to at the end of the sentence?

    17. This leads to some young adults being left with nothing at the end of their time allowed in the school system.

      Rephrase, not sure what "left with nothing" means.

    18. Transition Academy is a great place to learn life skills and even job readiness skills, but the one downfall of this program is -if you are here for your last year of eligibility- you will not have someone helping you find/placing you at a job once the program is over. The main goal of Project Search is to find all of the interns a job by the time the program is over, but the main goal of Transition A

      Reorder. Describe Transition Academy and Project Search earlier, before telling how you helped clients. I was confused and was asking myself what these things were.

    19. Liberty’s Station, which will be a job training program for individuals with disabilities who need supported employment as well as for individuals with various employment obstacles such as post incarceration, homelessness, and addiction

      I recommend two things: describe Liberty's Station earlier in the portfolio, in the previous section, and rewriting it in present rather than future tense.

    20. who have “fallen through the cracks”

      Past tense....clients who "fell through the cracks"

    21. have been a

      were

    1. ence. ​

      lovely

    2. erapy.

      fantastic

    3. hen I would evaluate a patient, I would use the Rehabilitative Frame of Reference by completing an ADL assessment to determine what their current level of function was and use my clinical judgement to create short term and long term goals to support them in regaining their independence as much as possible.

      Break up this long sentence; check grammar

    4. ment. 

      Lovely

    5. rking with.

      Very nice. Perhaps describe to the reader what Liberty's Station is? I am very curious to learn more.

    6. this

      what does "this" refer to?

    7. working with one of the interns at Liberty’s Station on their interview skills.

      Consider revising the order: While at Liberty's Station, I worked with one of the interns on their interview skills.

    8. rney’s

      remove apostrophe; plural: journeys

    9. out

      the word "out" is confusing to me--is it intended? Will the sentence work without this word--will it have the same meaning?

  3. Apr 2021
    1. ducator o

      Place the abbreviation in parentheses here

    2. them

      it--singular, not plural

      You said "each time I received a sticker"

    1. mitment to b

      See previous comments here==this is plural, not singular--remove the word "a"

      commitment to being lifelong learners

    1. to

      to help our patients maintain connection to their communities

    2. s to

      for our clients

    3. d:

      Remove colon and replace with a period

    4. erventions, which s

      See comment from last time and please correct grammar.

    5. al-Oral-Sensor

      Only place the acronym in parentheses if you intend to use it again on the page. Did you?

    6. ients that’s pertinent

      see my previous comment

    7. went over the progress they've made since evaluation day
      1. Please adjust font size for consistency.
      2. also went over the progress they had made (past tense)
    8. answer

      see previous comment. This should be past tense.

    9. with Covid a

      COVID-19

    10. k with all diagnoses. I

      person-first. Please see previous comment

    1. . (2020a)

      Why the "a" after 2020?

    2. 0a

      Since this is the only source, I don't see why you included "a" after the year 2020

    3. nded decision makin

      hyphenate decision-making

    4. another p

      other

    5. your

      my

    6. which means it's import

      meant it was important

    7. /10.5014/ajot.2015.696S03

      Please make a comment about the image below from your discussion board post. What does it say?

    8. ices".

      Please cite according to APA

    1. FWE

      spell this out. Previously on the page you used this acronym as an evaluation.

    2. FWE: 

      spell this out

    3. had one client who was very sweet, but her activity tolerance was extremely low

      See my previous comment and please reword. Being sweet does not contradict (but) having higher activity tolerance.

    4. foods he was ate! I

      check grammar please. See previous comment.

    5. during my time there

      remove this clause

    6. who

      remove word

    7. It ranged from people who

      See previous comment. Remove all these words and replace with the word "Some"

    8. nd t

      Start a new sentence.

    9. They are

      were

    10. to w

      who work together

    11. ts to just tr

      see my previous comment and please make the change

    12. her

      my clinical educator's (or fieldwork educator's)

    13. on meeting both my

      Please check font size across all pages for consistency