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contains errors
3,456 Matching Annotations
- Oct 2023
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dylanbeck.substack.com dylanbeck.substack.com
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svarashah.substack.com svarashah.substack.com
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amount
number
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confidence in their knowledge
not sure what you mean by this
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.
takeaways: diverse selection of sources; citations contain only minor errors; objective annotations (useful to other researchers); some phrasing errors
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This was a systematic review of 25 articles.
cut
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reviewed
keep descriptions of texts in present tense
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The review found a
Author Wejdan Shanin identifies a significant relationship between personal and cultural beliefs and medication adherence.
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can
cut
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in ensuring
to ensure
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he need for indigenous culture to be integrated into science education
The study explores possible outcomes of integrating indigenous culture and science education ...
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described
describes
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Health Communication, vol. ahead-of-print, no. ahead-of-print
not sure what this is. generated by easybib?
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6
add date accessed
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.
add date accessed
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American Journal of Public Health
italicize
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(1971)
cut
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janeellis.substack.com janeellis.substack.comWP315
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social work classes
consider making more of this to establish a rationale
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Through
new paragraph
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I do not believe that gangs are a good thing, but I am aware that the topic is not black and white and that instead of criminalizing gang members we need to look at the ways in which these people have been neglected.
I do not believe that gangs are a good thing, but I am aware that the topic is not black and white and that instead of criminalizing gang members we need to look at the ways in which these people have been neglected [passive].
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general consensus
among?
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Most people who I talk to, however, do not share this view.
why is this germane?
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are perceived
by whom?
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I was interested in the connection
why?
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I thought it would be interesting
why?
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.
takeaways: diverse selection of sources; citations contain some errors; objective annotations (useful to other researchers); some phrasing issues
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The argument in the text is to prove
The texts aims ...
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, for example,
create new sentence
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McClatchy - Tribune Business News, Tribune Content Agency LLC, 2006, p. 1–
contains errors; looks like it was created using easybib
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.
add date accessed
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“The Godfather”.
italicize movie titles
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.
add date accessed
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jamescoomber.substack.com jamescoomber.substack.com
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labeled on the cans of
... found in ...
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.
takeaways: diverse selection of sources (but where are the remaining 8?); citations contain only minor errors; objective annotations; some phrasing issues
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According to recent studies read by the author of this article, it causes problems like immune suppression, mood changes, increased risk of cancer, and other conditions.
But recent studies show the popular sugar substitute lowers immune suppression, causes mood changes, and increases risk of cancer. Author Colleen Story draws on these studies to recommend consumers decrease their use of the substance.
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was thought
by whom?
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drink brands
... drinks.
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quantitative evidence for support
what difference would that make?
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journal
article
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journal
article
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The purpose of this study is to learn about the perceptions that consumers have of energy drinks and how it affects their consumption habits.
word economy:
This study seeks to explore the perceptions consumers have of energy drinks and how it affects their consumption habits.
(sometimes you can remove "that" when it's used as a conjunction, as it is in the original version of this sentence: "perceptions that the customers have")
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Using energy drink sale trends, nutrition facts, and ingredient lists as evidence, the author compared statistics
awkward phrasing:
The author, Andre, compares energy drink sale trends, nutrition facts, and ingredient lists to ... ?
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figure out
determine
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.
add date accessed
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Cleveland Clinic,
cut
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.
add date accessed
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thomasvangenderen.substack.com thomasvangenderen.substack.com
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“People will come along and do new things and sometimes return to the spirit of an earlier age.” In the words of animator Norman McLaren,
make one sentence.
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the first of which is time.
awkward. time isn't a tendency
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This
The
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I felt that I was doing just that.
when making "you can change the future," i felt ...
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in the medium with which I chose to work
awkward
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differed
diverged from OR parted ways with
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This is emblematic in the decision to set the opening at a train station:
The film's forward-thinking ethos emanates from the train station that appears in its opening scene: a potent visual metaphor ...
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with the short
cut (implied)
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Robert Zemecus
it reminded me of bill & ted's excellent adventure
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history.
limit hyperlinks to one or two words
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As this piece plays with light, it felt only natural.
was the homage merely visual, or did you mean to invoke Blade Runner's apocalyptic vision of the future?
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There is one work in particular that encapsulates a myriad of my inspirations:
One work, in particular, encapsulates my myriad inspirations:
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I would be remiss if I did not pay homage to
I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge ...
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While I, myself, am not a writer
Wordy. Try:
Although I'm not a writer ...
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This platitude is often touted by many artists — great or not. However,
Good artists borrow; great artists steal. While countless artists have parroted this platitude for decades in reference to their creative output, I identify more with Ursula Le Guin's lesser known remarks:
“We writers all stand on each other’s shoulders, we all use each other’s ideas and skills and plots and secrets. Literature is a communal enterprise.”
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, while
no comma or use semicolon and drop "while"
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monicakosmos.substack.com monicakosmos.substack.com
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. I want this work to encourage people to interact with their environment and reflect on their bodily and spiritual connection to an art space and to the natural world.
how? what parts of your installation do you wish them to interact with? how does tactility factor in?
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Model-making
seems a bit late to introduce your planning stage. maybe begin with inspiration, then methods (planning), then materials and construction
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Technology is also playing a big role in immersive video installations, but I find myself fighting against that current, favoring art experiences that nurture the senses rather than overstimulate them.
can you complete the thought here? how do you achieve the nurturing effect you're going for?
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In an interview for Art Papers with Wendy Jacob, who creates interactive installations in collaboration with and for people with disabilities and sensory impairments, she says that “although we tend to rely primarily on vision and sound for information, there is something elemental and direct—maybe even more truthful—about touch, smell and taste.”
phrasing and block quoting:
In an interview for Art Papers, installation artist Wendy Jacob claims that “although we tend to rely primarily on vision and sound for information, there is something elemental and direct—maybe even more truthful—about touch, smell and taste.” Like Jacob, who prioritizes tactility in the interactive installations she creates in collaboration with and for people with disabilities and sensory impairments, I, too, have an interest in bringing tactile senses into the installation environment.
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My sustainability goal
you say this as if it's a natural component of installation art. is it? or has it become one? should it be?
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how I am approaching installation as an artist who is new to the art form
good transition
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that is beyond the scope of this paper,
cut
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One
awkward transition. previously you had focused on divergent definitions of installation art. are you now moving to aspects theorists and practitioners agree on?
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Rosenthal
combine with previous paragraph:
In Understanding Installation Art, Mark Rosenthal defines the art installation as “a dedicated space in which one artistic vision or aura is at work, setting forth various kinds of phenomena." He then adds a taxonomy for categorizing installations to his definition, but numerous divergent interpretations suggest that the fluidity of installation art transcends Rosenthal's attempts at categorization.
Annie Peterson acknowledges this fluidity in her book, Installation Art: Between Image and Stage ...
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In her book
new paragraph
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,
add hyperlink
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”.
period inside quotation marks
add a link to Rosenthal's book
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the sources, motivations and types of installation art
... the motivations for, and sources and types of installation art ...
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have been diversified and multi-dimensional in the last 80 years or so
... have been diversified and made multi-dimensional over the last 80 years or so ...
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nukmoore.substack.com nukmoore.substack.com
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,
no comma needed
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still
maybe avoid repeating "still"
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sitting down and searching
where and how? can you provide an example?
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why for
on?
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Whichever path you choose, let this stage of the process be strictly for me
do you mean "for you"?
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For a series,
of what? what do you mean by series?
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I prefer the latter.
wait, what's the latter?
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Once
one
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You
maybe move to the end for emphasis and to avoid split infinitive
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There’s two ways
There are two ways ...
maybe paths instead of ways?
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what
maybe add italics to avoid misunderstanding
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me
probably a good idea to reveal what area of art you work in
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yield
yields
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Take what you need and leave what you don’t.
this would have made a nice title
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this
to what does this refer?
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Sure, most likely.
really? you think so?
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way
way suggests doing, which suggests creating. since you introduce creation in the subsequent sentence, maybe rework sentence two so that it speaks more to observations and perception. "correct" art doesn't exist-- people admire what they admire
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lindsaylykins.substack.com lindsaylykins.substack.com
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unraveling
this word has a negative connotation. try: uncovering
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Listening to music is an avenue that I see being relevant to all phases of the creative process as
in what way is this avenue relevant?
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One of my favorite works I have choreographed was for my composition class during my Sophomore year of college, in Fall of 2022
Wordy. What options are available?
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he creative process is defined by 4 ordered steps
For Graham, the creative process has four steps ...
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It feels challenging to articulate an analysis of my process of creation, when it is both a conscious and subconscious act.
phrasing. try:
For me, creation is both a conscious and subconscious act, and therefore challenging to analyze.
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choreographer
limit your hyperlinks to one or two words tops
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I have discovered that qualities of both intentional choice and instinct are in constant dialogue throughout my choreographic process.
try simplifying this a bit.
instinct and choice are in dialogue when you choreograph. does that basically mean that instinct directs choice (this would make sense)? if so, you could just say: instinct drives your choreographic process
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wheels
maybe too many competing metaphors here: wheels, writing, language ...
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However, some of this ease dissipates when I approach my words through a form of writing with an intention to convey a message or complete a task.
i'm a little confused. do you mean actual writing or writing as a metaphor for expression through choreography?
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language
how does (a second) language relate to work and identity?
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thomascolglazier.substack.com thomascolglazier.substack.com
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- Thomas
take-aways:
Essentially, you argue in favor of Meisner and look less favorably on Strasburg and Method acting. I wonder if a tighter approach might have yielded more effective results. Much of this piece reads like notes you might have taken in advanced of writing rather than a finished piece. It's possible to imagine a version of this essay that bypasses much of the opening section and gets more quickly to the point: of the two most well-known schools of acting, you favor Meisner or Strasburg.
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hunterc340.substack.com hunterc340.substack.com
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The actor’s job
from specific to general
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An actor’s work can be good and still need more details.
New paragraph?
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.
this piece seems more like a how-to for those learning to act as a opposed to an analysis of the process you undergo
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,
to understand
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of
cut
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Blanche DuBois
no need to include a citation here
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While the actor should be aware of themselves, their surroundings, and their fellow actors, they must also allow themselves to live honestly in the play’s circumstances.
you seem to be talking about compartmentalization-- holding the character and oneself in mind simultaneously
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?”.
no need for double punctuation
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When I first began my journey as it pertains to acting, it was a beginning theatre course in high school.
isn't this a wordy way of saying:
My training as an actor began in a high school theater class
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These three categories
You're clearly an adherent to Hagen's instruction. But are all actors? If not, are you suggesting that should be? Why?
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If this is the case, then after the read through should the actor go through the script and begin their breakdown
phrasing:
If this is the case, the actor should go through the script and begin their breakdown after the read through.
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t might be presumed
by whom?
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their
the
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Before any of the footwork can be done, there is a script.
cut
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Natalie Clare
limit your hyperlinks to a word or two
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There is a lavish history spanning from the dawn of time to now.
cut
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mirabellepashkow.substack.com mirabellepashkow.substack.com
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'PG'.
take aways:
strong selection of sources; citations mostly free of errors; objective annotations (useful to other researchers)
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I am personally a fan of DVDs
perhaps you wish to make an argument in favor of physical media?
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It is obvious that streaming is typically the preferred of home entertainment
preferred mode?
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Prior to bringing my research for reliable sources
i don't understand this clause
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Decision Support Systems 157 (2022): 113767.
not MLA
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Young Consumers
italics
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.
include date of access (when citing full-text articles from data bases)
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Baugher,
no need for numbers (when using MLA style)
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149–.
page range?
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perlaprado.substack.com perlaprado.substack.com
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for WP2
cut
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.
where are the remaining 8 citations?
general take-aways: diverse list of (12) sources; some citations contain minor errors; annotations maintain objectivity (good) but are way too long (not so good)
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Columns.
to what does this refer?
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y.
can you imagine ways to shorten this list dramatically?
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for her concern on the topic of transgender activism and its gaining momentum
... supporting her concerns about transgender activism
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core
cut
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They assert that schools are permitted “a degree of supervision and control that could not be exercised over free adults” because “the State is responsible for maintaining discipline, health, and safety”, and are thus allowed to separate the sexes in bathrooms contexts to “to protect students from sexual assault and harassment”.
you could cut this sentence
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’s 81 page article published in the Columbia Law Review
cut
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Powell, Jena. Press Conference Announcing the Save Women's Sports Act, 25 Feb. 2020, Ohio Statehouse, Columbus, OH. Conference Speech. Friends of Jena Powell, http://jenapowell.com/2020/02/25/save-womens-sports-act/.
citing public remarks:
Stein, Bob. “Reading and Writing in the Digital Era.” Discovering Digital Dimensions, Computers and Writing Conference, 23 May 2003, Union Club Hotel, West Lafayette, IN. Keynote Address.
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zwilliams.substack.com zwilliams.substack.comWP29
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United Fruit’s corporate imperialism
a key question to answer: why write about united fruit now? and for whom?
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insightful
illuminating
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For instance, I learned that despite all of the atrocities that United Fruit enacted on the people of Central and South America, they did give some benefits
For instance, I learned that despite the atrocities perpetrated by United Fruit, the company did provide modest benefits to the people of Central and South America.
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,
cut
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.
take aways:
diverse selection of sources; citations contains some errors; objective annotations (useful to other scholars)
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.
author? all caps? italics?
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Empire,
a book? a website?
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.
remainder of citation?
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.
add date accessed
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zeynepozdol.substack.com zeynepozdol.substack.com
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heuristics
word choice? heuristics are tools for working through ideas/problems
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meta-review of Western contemporary works such as literature, movies, and photography that portray Middle Eastern characters will help me best convey my message
What do you mean by "meta-review"?
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Delving deeper into this topic made me realize how this divide is perpetuated not only in literature but also through popular culture and media, endorsing one way of living as the better choice when no culture is superior to another.
Delving deeper into this topic ... [which topic, exactly?]
made me realize how this divide ... [what is the divide you're talking about, exactly?]
... made me realize how Western literature and film perpetuate the myth of the barbaric East and civilized West.
is perpetuated not only in literature but also through popular culture and media, endorsing one way of living as the better choice when no culture is superior to another.
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Hollywood
Hollywood films?
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Now I know that was the point
or was it a consequence of various assumptions made on the part of westerners?
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Lawrence of Arabia
italicize movie titles
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.
take-aways: diverse selection of sources; most on-point citations (only minor errors); helpfully objective annotations
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Lall, Ann J. M. Gendering the Orient: Women and the imagined India, California State University, Long Beach, United States -- California, 2006. ProQuest, http://libproxy.usc.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/gendering-orient-women-imagined-india/docview/304911448/se-2.
Bishop, Karen Lynn. Documenting Institutional Identity: Strategic Writing in the IUPUI Comprehensive Campaign. 2002. Purdue University, PhD dissertation.
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“Orientalism”
italicize
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edenzoghi.substack.com edenzoghi.substack.com
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Barrett, Paul, Hendrix, Justin, & Sims, Grant. How Tech Platforms Fuel US Political Polarization and what the Government Can Do About It. The Brookings Institute, 2021. How tech platforms fuel U.S. political polarization and what government can do about it | Brookings
Lundman, Susan. “How to Make Vegetarian Chili.” eHow, www.ehow.com/how_10727_make-vegetarian-chili.html. Accessed 6 July 2015.
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jaumairgarland340.substack.com jaumairgarland340.substack.com
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Furthermore, I acknowledge the existence of current nonbinary dancers as a continuation of a long lineage of dancers that have come before, rather than an initiation of a new societal shift that is often portrayed.
phrasing:
I have grown more knowledgeable not only about the removal of imposed gender norms that nonbinary dancers seek, but also how the ballet world can help them achieve their goals. Furthermore, I now acknowledge the existence of current nonbinary dancers as a continuation of historical precedent rather than the imposition of contemporary ideas about gender.
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them
to what or whom does them refer?
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became so much more informed about the history of nonbinary dancers in ballet, the experiences being had presently, and hopes for future training styles
phrasing:
I learned a great deal about the history, experiences, and aspirations of nonbinary dancers in ballet.
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,
cut
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.
take-aways: diverse selection of sources (journalistic, academic, vocational); citations contain multiple errors; annotations typically maintain objectivity but occasionally make reference to author's own research
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of my topic
avoid references to yourself; maintain objectivity
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article
an article? or a dissertation?
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In this text the subject is focused on the ways gender constructs exist within dance.
cut
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Kennedy provides readers with historical context about an early iteration of "genderless" dancing and promotes this knowledge as informative and influences contemporary queer and nonbinary communities within ballet.
Word economy:
Kennedy explores the presence of travesty dancers in ballet historically, comparing an early iteration of "genderless" dancing to the work of contemporary queer and nonbinary dancers within ballet.
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effeminate sports
what's an example of an "effeminate" sport?
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University Wire
a website?
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Fuhrer's article briefly touches on the challenges faced by female-identifying bodies seeking experience in male-assigned roles and fails to mention ways to create more space for nonbinary artists, which remains a topic for further exploration.
at times, your annotations take on uncharacteristic qualities.
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Ebershoff centers the presence of hypermasculinity in the ballet world, with a goal of inspiring queer men to challenge these notions and offering current examples.
Ebershoff examines the presence of hypermasculinity in the ballet world with the goal of inspiring queer men to challenge these behaviors.
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“Dance and Gender : an Evidence-Based Approach.”
Italicize book titles
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Engelmann, Claire. Hey Ballet Dress Code...let’s Talk About Queerness. 2017.
Is this a book? article?
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.
add date accessed
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Bauer, Claudia. “The New Company Ballet22 Spotlights Men on Pointe.” Pointe (Online), Dance Media LLC, 2021.
two works by the same author:
---.
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perlaprado.substack.com perlaprado.substack.com
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Treating
subjecting?
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ChatGPT
i'm not so sure. in my experience, chatgpt is great at boilerplate stuff, but infinitely less great at expressing feeling
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rhetorical analysis essays are largely created by making assumptions.
not sure i agree. they're about curiosity, investigation, and interpretation
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It took me, literally, all semester to decide on an interaction. The project was due February 1, and according to my Google Doc timestamp I did not submit it until mid April
okay. so you do well with general parameters (especially when they invoke a topic you're already interested in). clearly, the idea of identifying a confusing interaction involved either too few parameters or failed to align with any of your interests (or both)
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This research paper remains the only piece of my own writing I can re-read without wincing. I never checked what grade I received on the paper
wow. this, in part, is why i favor verbal over written feedback
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After reading other people’s drafts– all vastly different– I realized that there was no singular standard of “good” writing
oh, interesting
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so the paper felt practical
okay, good. you respond well to real-world applications. because they essay related to events happening outside of class, you perceived stakes that transcended getting a good (or decent) grade
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Using Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs
I assume this was your choice. Perhaps choice (and purpose) has a significant role to play here.
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Only beginning a few hours before the due dat
oh no!
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fiscal
why fiscal?
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hannahethridge.substack.com hannahethridge.substack.comWP216
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I intend to incorporate relevant information from multiple sources to write a creative opinion editorial.
I recommend your add this book to your bibliography (it deals, in part, with status-signaling and black women):
https://www.amazon.com/Thick-Essays-Tressie-McMillan-Cottom/dp/1620974363
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While it is great for black women to see themselves in luxury on social media, the value of softer living gets lost in materialism.
But isn't leisure the essence of softlife? To enjoy liesure requires resources. Are you addressing the ways softlife put in relief class and racial barriers to the resources needed to life a "softlife"?
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productivity as an extension of racist and capitalist regimes—which are the very things the trend seeks to resist.
how?
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pretty black women engage in luxurious behaviors and practices, I became inspired
i'm a tad confused re: the existing relationship between black women and softlife culture. here, you make it seem as though the softlife trend exclusively involves black women on tiktok; elsewhere, it seems to exclude black women (or to reveal the extent to which these kinds of luxury trends exclude them)
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My knowledge about the the #softlife trend started on Tik Tok as an influenced audience member
I learned about "softlife" on TikTok.
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This YouTube seminar between Stephanie Perry and Ivana Robinson discusses how the soft life trend is a lie for Black women
phrasing:
This clip features Stephanie Perry and Ivana Robinson discussing how the soft life trend is a lie for Black women.
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This is a study conducted on Generation X, Y, and Zers to discover sources of motivation in the workplace.
phrasing:
This study examines levels of workplace motivation among Generation X, Y, and Z workers.
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have.
take-aways:
diverse selection of sources; citations contain multiple errors; objective annotations useful to other researchers (despite repetitive organization); some phrasing issues
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This article from Africa’s a Country explores the origins and pitfalls of the soft life trend in the Black women’s sphere.
This article from the Africa Is a Country website explores the soft life trend relative to the lives of Black women.
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DEVELOPING A STRATEGY FOR WORK-LIFE BALANCE.
Did you check your citations against the examples provided on Purdue OWL?
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Black women perceive work
interesting. why do you suppose the title says nothing of black women?
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Accessed 29 Sep. 2023.
good. include this info for articles found on databases, too
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follow.
long annotation. either summarize the whole book or create separate entries for the two chapters you with to use
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TikTok Cultures in the United States
italicize
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scholarly
cut
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https://doi.org/10.5070/R331034199.
be consistent with hyperlinks (sometimes you include them; other times your don't)
also, if you're including links to databases because that's where you accessed full-text articles, include date accessed
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mstrickland.substack.com mstrickland.substack.comWP21
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"Wizards of Hyperpop." Rolling Stone, Feb. 2022, p. 10. Gale OneFile: Pop Culture Studies, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A738318149/PPOP?u=usocal_main&sid=bookmark-PPOP&xid=d2eac666. Accessed 8 Oct. 2023.
Proper citation of article found using database:
Alonso, Alvaro, and Julio A. Camargo. “Toxicity of Nitrite to Three Species of Freshwater Invertebrates.” Environmental Toxicology, vol. 21, no. 1, 3 Feb. 2006, pp. 90-94. Wiley Online Library, https://doi.org/10.1002/tox.20155. Accessed 26 May 2009.
Your link
--article has an author --incredibly brief
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