8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2019
    1. “Addiction is a chronic disease characterized by drug seeking and use that is compulsive, or difficult to control, despite harmful consequences” (“Understanding Drug Use and Addiction”).

      helpful but try to use signal phrase, okay? do you have an author's name?

    2. National Institute on Drug Abuse. “Understanding Drug Use and Addiction.” NIDA, June 2018, 7 October 2019 www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/understanding-drug-use-addiction

      good form but place URL between dates of publication and date of access?

    3. made the decision to focus each paragraph on a certain aspect of the cause of addiction such as risk factors, characteristics, and neurological characteristics

      smart decision

    1. Music seems to selectively activate neurochemical systems and brain structures associated with positive mood, emotion regulation, attention and memory”

      doesn't this belong in an earlier paragraph?

    2. In the article it states “When it comes to the best music for learning, for example, experts recommend different genres for different purposes. Upbeat music, including songs with positive lyrics, can provide an energy boost and get your brain primed for learning. Once it is time to buckle down and concentrate, however—like when you need to read, write, or study your course materials, instrumental music and soothing genres can help you stay calm and focused” (Ashford University Staff).

      okay: please set long quotations off and cite source. Continue to work on signal phrase, okay?

    3. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and chemical responsible for transmitting signals in between your nerve cells in the brain. When dopamine gets realized into your brain, it makes you happy.

      This is different from IQ, no? Is this a transition?

    4. “Ashford University.” (Infographic) | Ashford University, 7 June 2017, www.ashford.edu/online-degrees/student-lifestyle/how-does-music-affect-your-brain.

      no author? Please give date of access

    1. eople use being anonymous as a tool of leverage on others. In an article by CNN, they tell us a tragic story of an 18-year-old girl named Brandy Vela, who fatally shot herself in front of her parents after being relentlessly cyber bullied.

      cite source

    1. Tricia Roses seminal Black Noise: Black music and black culture in contemporay America (1994)… A cultural movement.. Fusing african American and Caribbean cultural traditions, that ultimetely transformed the rampant gang violence into vibrant creative expression. “ 

      I'm getting lost and there are so many typos/mistakes in this quotation

    2. some historians.. Believe that society was and is charcaterized by a high culture and  a low culture..

      please quote accurately--too many typos

    3. As historian Benjamin Quarles (1988) one perceptively noted, “ many historians have a builtin skepticism concerning innovation, particularly when it comes to.. A new viewpoint about a low- status minority.”

      not sure I follow--please quote accurately

    4. In the article, Remixing The Historical Record : Revolutions in Hip-Hop Histeography. Written by, 

      this information should go into your Works Cited list, right? For now, cite author's name only

    5. With texts(raps), consisting of metaphors- lyrics “ of the streets,” self expression, and beats.

      not quite a sentence Please cite source

    6. http://www.bristolcc.edu:2054/ehost/detail/detail?vid=9&sid=63e20569-c07a-49cc-b69c-9fa0d841eed0%40sessionmgr4007&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=131688893&db=aph1   http://www.bristolcc.edu:2054/ehost/detail/detail?vid=10&sid=63e20569-c07a-49cc-b69c-9fa0d841eed0%40sessionmgr4007&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=133465584&db=aph 2    http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=22&sid=af3eafd0-232a-4b96-978e-66b535813a79%40pdc-v-sessmgr05  

      not in MLA format

      Clearly, you are missing sources, right?

    1. He believes our perception of the universe is fixed, whereas I contradict him by believing that there is a way to change our perception of the universe

      what evidence is there on each side of the question?

    2. from concealed dimensions, perhaps such as 6D? This theory presents many issues, but remains to be quite the curiosity to behold.

      interesting: what additional evidence do we have that such exists? can you take the time to explore what its dimensions might be?

    3. This is how scientists know that there is a “Theory of Everything,” we just have yet to discover it. A contender for the “Theory of Everything,” could be string-theory, so let’s discuss that.

      I wonder if you need to move more quickly to your Big Question

    4. he questions these concepts propose as worded by Harry Cliff, is “…why does all this interesting stuff exist? Why is there something rather than nothing,” (

      Fascinating but will you need to connect these questions to your Big Question?

    5. (The branch of physics in relation to the larger parts of the existent universe). It is easiest to think of these two topics as gears in a mechanism

      I appreciate the effort to make the concepts clear to a lay reader

    6. Bibliography/Works Cited

      so some works are cited, others not? Or all cited (I hope) Form looks pretty solid, perhaps needing dates of access?

    1. What can us parents do about this situation? How can we understand what our childrens play?

      remember your purpose in this paper: to inquire, to explore but not to advocate or argue

    2. No 91; June 2015 Video Games and Children: Playing with Violence https://www.aacap.org/aacap/families_and_youth/facts_for_families/fff-guide/Children-and-Video-Games-Playing-with-Violence-091.aspx   AKRUTI “ momjuction’ June 21,2019, 3 unexpected effetcs of violent games on kids https://www.momjunction.com/articles/unexpected-side-effects-of-violent-video-games-on-kids_00103691/

      not quite in MLA format Please start with author's last name, alphabetically arranged I also don't see three peer reviewed articles obtained with a database

    1. In the article, “Is College Worth the Cost?”, it talks about how colleges are up to $26,000 just to go to the school, we still must buy the books and the required materials. “

      again, good, relevant data but try to start your sentence with a focusing topic sentence, okay?

    2. In the article, “Is a college education worth the money”, it mentions the pros about how college is worth it.

      cite article author? you might also rephrase: "the pros"

    3. everyone, everyone gets a different experience with school, some are good with it, and some barley make it.

      edit for comma splices (using commas like periods)

    4. “One Associated Press analysis of 2011 graduates found that 54 percent were unemployed and many who were employed worked jobs unrelated to their college studies.”

      cite source I've also noticed that you've veered away to another subject in this paragraph: please use topic sentences to keep to your subject, okay?

    5. “Too many college graduates are suffocating under a mountain of accumulated debt, with very limited opportunities for employment and no acquired skill.”

      okay: good information but cite your source and use signal phrase?

    6. Well I believe college or even school in general isn’t for everyone.

      remember your purpose: to inquire and to explore but not to argue or advocate

    7. Cited Worked Is a College Education Worth the Money, https://www.necb.edu/news/2016-03/is-a-college-education-worth-the-money Is College Worth the Cost?, https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college

      Works Cited not in MLA format And the list is incomplete: missing--three peer reviewed articles obtained with a database and a personal interview

    1. rowing up in the 70s and 80s hard rock and heavy metal were the predominant music I would listen too but Punk Rock and early Hip Hop were also a major influence. The birth of MTV in 1981 was very significant in my life as it was the conduit to a wide variety of music for me.”

      cite source by last name

    2. Douglas C. Wadle, an Adjunct Professor at the California institute Of the Arts School of Music, dissects the intention behind unconventional music notes.  Thi

      I sense the need for a transition, don't you?

    3. “Compared with younger listeners, older listeners rated consonant chords as less pleasant and dissonant chords as more pleasant. Older listeners also had less distinct neural representations of consonant and dissonant chords as measured using a Neural Consonance Index derived from the electrophysiological “frequency-following response.”

      very interesting and relevant But use signal phrase to introduce quotation and cite source

    4. Oliver Bones and Christopher Plack propose there’s c

      good signal phrase and citation of source edit for subject-verb agreement: there are

    5. Unless of course, a lack of emotional stimulation is present, however simply lack of emotion isn’t enough to provoke such a polar opposite response.

      edit for fragment/comma splice

    6. “Perhaps most crucially, listening to music lights up the brain’s visual cortex. Which means that as you hear a song, you’ll start associating it with memories or other images almost immediately.”

      use signal phrase to introduce quotation and cite source in the sentence in which you borrow

    7. emotivists’ hold that music elicits real emotional responses in listeners, ‘cognitivists’ argue that music simply expresses or represents emotions.” This a

      please define thees terms for your reader?

    8. “The distinction between perception and production is related to the distinction between cognitivism and emotivism proposed by philosophers in their analysis of emotion in music (e.g. Kivy 1989)

      thanks for citation but follow MLA rather than APA, okay?

    9. A pleasurable listening experience ignites the dopamine receptors in the brain, whereas a negative one can do the opposite, eliciting neurons associated with stress. Klaus R. Scherer & Marcel R. Zentner determine to decipher whether or not this connection is intentional.

      okay: make sure to cite the author's last name in the first sentence in which you draw from the source. You might want to start with a topic sentence first before diving into source material, however.

    10. I’m going to analyze what happens to the brain when you hear certain songs, what attracts people to them, what pushes them away. 

      I wonder if you might include this question earlier--as in the very beginning--to help focus this opening paragraph

    11. There appears to be a common consensus among consumers that music has had a decline in quality

      My sense is that this sentence is much too tentative and general to work. Can you begin in a more assertive and focused way?

    12. Gillespie, Katherine. Vice. https://www.vice.com/en_au/article/43bxpn/the-science-behind-musics-nostalgic-power  15 October, 2019.  

      title of episode? date of airing?

    13. Wadle, Douglas C. “Meaningful scribbles: An Approach to Textual Analysis of Unconventional Musical Notations. The Journal of Music & Meaning, Vol. 9, Winter 2010. 11 October, 2008. Journal of Music & Meaning. http://jmm9.musicandmeaning.net/#post3 http://www.musicandmeaning.net/articles/JMM9/DouglasWadleJMM9.pdf. 3 November, 2019 

      APA By my count, you are missing: a third peer reviewed article and a personal interview, right?

    14. Bones, Oliver. Plack, Christopher. Losing the music: Aging Affects the Connection and Subcortical Neural Representation of Musical Harmony.  The Journal of Neuroscience. (2015) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273124340_Losing_the_Music_Aging_Affects_the_Perception_and_Subcortical_Neural_Representation_of_Musical_Harmony 15 October, 2019. 

      pretty goo form, although other sources seem to be in APA rather than MLA format

    15. On my second draft, I still feel I had some structural issues. I revisited my introduction and tried to eliminate any argumentative sentiments. I added a peer reviewed source about musical annotations, I have not yet conducted a second case study interview however am considering doing so for draft # 3.

      Please follow the template given for post writes (on our course web page).

    1. ecause fewer then 2% of all Division one athletes actually go pro, meaning that the other 98% of these student athletes are left with no professional sports salary a

      cite source

    2. The reason for this being, division one athletes are far more likely to make it to the next level compared to division two or even three athletes. 

      fragment

    3. As this proves true in the very commonly term “Student- athlete, student coming first followed by athlete second”. 

      fragment Is this a quotation? If so, what is your source?

    4. In my personal opinion, I believe that these athletes should benefit from their successes and likeliness.

      remember your purpose: this is an inquiry and research driven essay, not an opinion piece

    1. make their phones with low radations level. The iPhone 7 Plus gives off 1.20 radiation while the Samsung Galaxy Note 8 gave off 0.17 radiation!

      cite source

    2. ”About half of U.S. smartphone owners check their devices several times an hour or more frequently, including 11% who say they check it every few minutes and 41% who check it a few times an hour. Another 20% of Americans claim to check their phones about once an hour, leaving 28% who check them less frequently.” (Newport 2015)

      thanks for the citation (leave our the date in text, though) not sure how this source speaks to the effect on the brain, however

    3. This research was conducted out of Princeton, NJ, showed t

      rephrase, again, to introduce quotations more smoothly:

      Research out of Princeton, New Jersey, shows that . . .

    4. My father is a network engineer and works on the computer all day long and it is very stressful for him, he comes home sometimes wiped out. I interviewed him and asked about what it’s like to work with computers and with people you use a computer all day long. He told me that his co-workers get mostly distracted when they have big projects to get done.

      you seem to have drifted a bit from the point of the paragraph, no? use topic sentence to guide you?

    5. One that I find to be most destructive is dangerous distractions, in the article it states,”As technology and interruption become more and more prevalent, the negative consequences of not paying attention become more pronounced”.

      a couple of areas to work on here: edit for comma splice (using a comma like a period) also, please introduce the quotation more seamlessly: which article? please cite author's last name

    6. here are multiple reasons that are causing us to be more distant from each other such as eye contact, phone skills, spatial awareness, dangerous distractions, and attention span.

      cite source?

    7. As much as I love technology, I personally believe that it has been making a huge impact on us. 

      not sure if I understand your meaning, nor am I sure why this statement is included

    8.   https://www.ted.com/talks/chuck_nice_a_funny_look_at_the_unintended_consequences_of_technology?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRAEqCvLmp4   https://libertyclassicalacademy.org/technology-affects-social-skills/ (Source 1)   https://news.gallup.com/poll/184046/smartphone-owners-check-phone-least-hourly.aspx (Source 2)    https://www.pewresearch.org/science/2016/07/26/public-sees-science-and-technology-as-net-positives-for-society/

      These sources are not listed in MLA format Please begin with the author's last name, first name, title of the source, date of publication, URL (if web), date of access. I don't see three peer reviewed sources obtained via a database, or a personal testimony listed

    1. Over 70% of those asked rated it as an ‘A’ or a ‘B’, and 60% of them said they personally considered returning to school

      good data: please cite source

    2. As of 2018 there were 30.8 million small businesses in America, that created 1.9 million new jobs

      cite source and link to your subject more explicitly?

    3. From the article based upon the study; “An inductive approach was used to identify themes based on youth’s narratives. Four themes emerged within the data: inability to pay for education, changes in educational/career goals, prioritizing of resources, and feelings of hopelessness/helplessness.” I think the inability to pay for school was a given for some people during the time, t

      I am not sure what the focus of this paragraph is: Can you revise your topic sentence to give it a clearer focus?

    4. most likely give you the answer that their industry  belongs with, more tech oriented jobs rely heavier on education, whereas more vocational jobs appreciate more experience . 

      edit for comma splice, although I see your hypothesis

    5. Arguments happen every day, some monumental in emotional weight others petite in stature. There are a plethora of topics that are argued to death every day by millions of people, many of the arguments not at all pertaining to either party, but what not many people debate is just our normal 9-5.

      this opening seems very general to me

    6. Bristol Libraries Remote Access, www.bristolcc.edu:2054/ehost/detail/detail?vid=5&sid=eb1b2fa5-0b44-4358-b831-4546f7f5309d%40sessionmgr4008&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3D%3D#AN=19773763&db=ap

      not in MLA format. Remember to begin with author's last name, alphabetically arranged. That should be followed by first name, title of the article, date of publication name of database, doc. number, and date of access.

      I think I see two peer reviewed articles. Remember to have three, and two popular sources and one personal testimony

    7. What do you think? Is a higher education necessary for success? Should experience be held in a higher regard in today’s world?

      try to keep your questions focused on the writing as writing, okay?

    1. Scientists are adamant that an insecticide, known as neonicotinoids (or neonics) is causing damage to our bees that can never be undone.

      cite source

    2. Early education about bee’s existence would be an easy, cost-effective

      remember your purpose is not to advocate but to inquire and explore

    3. 1990’s, beekeepers have noticed a decline in the honeybee population and high rates of collapse within colonies. Beekeepers have reported between 30-50% higher rates of hive loss.

      cite source

    4. Work cited page   Duran, Leah. “The Buzz on Climate Change: It’s Bad for Bees.” ConservationInternational, 19 Aug. 2017, www.conservation.org/blog/the-buzz-on-climate-change-its-bad-for-bees. environment, america. “No Bees, No Food.” Environment America, environmentamerica.org/feature/ame/no-bees-no-food. “Honey Bee Educational Experiences.” Kickstarter, 29 Feb. 2016, www.kickstarter.com/projects/1359200570/honeybee-educational-experiences. “Whole Kids Foundation: Bee Grant.” Whole Kids Foundation | Bee Grant, www.wholekidsfoundation.org/programs/honey-bee-hive-grant.

      Works Cited not quite in MLA format please provide author's names for all sources Please include three peer reviewed articles obtained by a database Please include a personal interview