- Nov 2019
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judithtagne.edublogs.org judithtagne.edublogs.org
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have to cross and have a better life.
hae to cross in order to have a better life
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Temple University U.S.
good quotation: please cite author's last name only in text, per MLA
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College education is one type of education in which if a student keep up, he will graduate
I'm not sure of the relevance of this statement
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The Value of A College education
useful title but be consistent when capitalizing, okay: First and last words in a title always receive capitals. Then major words are capitalized. But articles and prepositions do not.
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Dr Howard
Dr. Howard Tinberg
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Works Cited:
The formatting seems off here so it's hard to tell what kinds of sources you have but I'm guessing that you don't have all three peer reviewed sources (include name of database and doi number). I also don't see a personal interview listed.
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f you get your degree” ( Eisgruber. )
I don't see a post write
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jonathancruz.edublogs.org jonathancruz.edublogs.org
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The idea of a Universal Basic Income that is usually proposed as a solution for the problem of work hour distribution.
edit for fragment
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In France, self-service systems used by public administration bodies can only be accessed during regular working hours.
cite source
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n example of how this is happening already is that image recognition tools are outperforming physicians in the detection of skin cancer. And AI already used in the legal field to sift through millions of documents instead of requiring large teams of lawyers and paralegals to examine them.
cite source
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Some peer-reviewed sources also provide us some insight into the future of Artificial Intelligence
I'd like to see a more seamless transition here
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estimates that one industrial robot could replace 3.3 workers. With more than 5.5 million industrial robots expected by 2020, manufacturing as a whole could lose up to 20 million jobs by 2030.
useful statistics: please cite author or title of article, if author not known
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Automation
why the capitalization
-
According to a post by the Wall Street Journal, the University of Oxford conducted research that estimated in 2017 that nearly half of all jobs in the United States were at risk of being replaced by AI-powered automation.
cite author?
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super computer with over ten racks of servers, a processing speed of eighty teraflops, and over four terabytes
source?
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In May of 2018, Google demonstrated it’s new AI called Google Duplex. Google Duplex is an Artificial Intelligence that, at the moment,
cite source
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“mhm”
suggesting what, exactly?
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scheduled for a specific time, the AI then
edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere
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Whether you
why the shift to "you"?
-
What is the present and future of AI? In other words, how far along is AI now, in what industries is it implemented in? And if and when will AI meet or surpass human intelligence, or has it already?
these are helpful and important questions
-
which begs the question;
which begs the question:
-
AI?
Since your reader may not know what this stands for at the start you might use the full phrase?
-
Artificial Intelligence, its the branch
Artificial intelligence is the branch of . . .
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Markoff, John. “Computer Wins on ‘Jeopardy!’: Trivial, It’s Not.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 16 Feb. 2011, https://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/17/science/17jeopardy-watson.html.
date of access? Please alphabetize list per MLA
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A Brief History of Artificial Intelligence: On the Past, Present, and Future of Artificial Intelligence .” Bristol Libraries Remote Access, http://www.bristolcc.edu:2054/ehost/detail/detail?vid=2&sid=38c0b0fe-238c-4384-aaba-3cd8e5792736@sessionmgr4007&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ==#db=buh&AN=138097011&anchor=AN0138097011-7.
peer reviewed source? If so, you will need two more and a personal interview Please begin entry with author's last name and first name. I'm not sure I see the name of a database. And instead of the URL you might include the DOI and date of access
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grateful for but also be cautious of.
I don't see a post write
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emmaferland.edublogs.org emmaferland.edublogs.org
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to act like an idiot.
try to be more precise, okay?
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Jennifer Ellen Paul was licensed to carry a concealed firearm, she just forgot
edit for comma splice
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Another downfall
I wonder if you might work on this transition to make it more clear and useful
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The answer isn’t that simple though.
Remember your purpose
-
to several downfalls to the safety
can you rephrase for clarity and precision?
-
With teachers having easy access to firearms this will also save the school money
again, you are arguing a thesis instead of inquiring and exploring possible answers
-
Luke Woodham
don't you need to tell us who this is first or give us context?
-
“Wrote Ari Armstrong, a senior fellow at the Independence Institute, a Colorado-based think tank, having armed personnel on school grounds could deter shooters.
I'm confused by the punctuation here (quotation marks that open but don't end I'd like you to work on introducing quotations: "According to one study. . . . "Wrote" needs a subject
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Having armed teachers may lead to schoo
edit for tense: Arming teachers may lead
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any people jump to is arming teachers which can be very beneficial because it will make the school a safer place.
edit for punctuation
-
can be done to make the school environment a safer place during a tragic moment like this?
Remember your purpose in this paper: to inquire and explore but not to advocate one position or another, right? I'm a little concerned by the argumentative move at the start of this paper.
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Which brings along the real question of what can be done to make the school environment a safer place during a tragic moment like this?
note the fragment
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Out of these twenty-three school shootings the result was thirty-four students and teachers killed and twenty-nine were injured
cite sources
-
here was a total of twenty-three school shootings
please cite source
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The Perspective of Public Health Students.”http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/detail/detail?vid=3&sid=c84d565a-a80c-4538-bdf0-9479d3bc02c8%40pdc-v-sessmgr01&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=130080420&db=aph 11 October 2019.
no need for URL when using database--just the name of the database and perhaps the DOI I see only one peer reviewed source I see no personal interview
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Bump, Philip. “The economics of arming America’s schools” 2018. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2018/02/22/the-economics-of-arming-americas-schools/ 11 October 2019.
note inconsistent font size
-
google docs so I know all my information will be saved i
good idea
-
having to use EBSCO for a database for another research paper.
glad you had that experience
-
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sarahmcnulty731.edublogs.org sarahmcnulty731.edublogs.org
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Traumatic Experiences in Childhood and Psychopathy).
see earlier comment about citing sources at end of paragraphs
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A study was done in order to determine whether or not childhood abuse and neglect had affected a person to commit crimes.
cite source
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Long Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect).
see early comments about citing at the end of paragraphs only
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The Abused Brain)
cite author
-
Child abuse occurs when a parent either physically or verbally traumatizes their child.
transition?
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A Neuroscientist Uncovers A Dark Family Secret).
cite author I would recommend not to cite sources at the end of paragraphs only but rather at each point of borrowing
-
James Fallon
not in Works Cited--why?
-
maller ventromedial cortex: the area of the brain responsible for decision making skills and emotional responses
cite source
-
Serial Killers Have Under-Developed Brains)
cite author
-
Adrian Raine
not in Works Cited--why?
-
Crime Museum).
cite author I am concerned by the lack of scholarly sources so far
-
Psychology Today
cite author
-
(Psychology Today
cite author, please
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his was said by notorious serial killer and psychopath Ted Bundy
cite source
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Barbara Bradley Hagerty. “Neuroscientist Uncovers A Dark Family Secret.” Morning Edition (NPR), June 2010. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nfh&AN=6XN201006291113&site=ehost-live.
label Works Cited List looks pretty close to MLA and is helpful Remember to include dates of access.
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I am proud of introducing my topic through a quote from Ted Bundy because it grasps the reader’s attention.
I don't see a post write.
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samenglish101.edublogs.org samenglish101.edublogs.org
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This includes an assessment where the look at the household income, net worth, and all other income
cite source I'm stopping to read here because I can't be sure what is yours and what is your source's. Please cite sources at the point of borrowing. I am concerned.
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They also will help veterans who are low income and need financial help
cite source
-
all Veterans
why capitalize?
-
Well there
too much like speaking?
-
There wounds
Their? These?
-
one program is the “Affordable Care Act,” also known as the health care law.
a federal, not a state, program, right?
-
It is a state law, Mass General Law Chapter 115
cite source
-
Some possible answers are to look at how the state of Massachusetts helps the mental and physical wellness of veterans, help with homelessness, and help for education.
maybe you should start by setting up this topic for your reader?
-
states Veterans
state's veterans?
-
does enough for our states Veterans.
I don't see a post write
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Advisor, Mass Vets. “The Mass VetsAdvisor: Benefiting Veterans and Their Families.” The Mass VetsAdvisor: Benefiting Veterans and Their Families, https://massvetsadvisor.org/.
not quite in MLA format
-
About Us.” New England Center and Home for Veterans, www.nechv.org/about-us/mission/ DVS Certification Training Manuel. 2015
not in MLA format I don't see three peer reviewed sources.
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odelmonte.edublogs.org odelmonte.edublogs.org
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Victoria explains
Gray explains I don't see her name n Works Cited
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Diseases such as Diabetes, Sickle Cell Anemia, and Cancer were considered incurable in the 1900’s, but recent developments and studies into genetic engineering have shown potential cures for such problem
cite source
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Genetic engineering does prove useful to society however, as genetic diseases are numerous
I don't see how these two ideas follow
-
by John Calhoun w
I don't see the name in the Works Cited list
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Throughout the years, Researchers team up with veterinarians and now carefully discuss their decisions before enacting anything on an unwitting subject to ensure the safety of the creature before proceeding.
cite source
-
ondition greatly and result in severe health issues with infection and living conditions
cite source
-
alter it’s physi
its
-
f these studies however, number greatly.
please rephrase?
-
Ethical concerns
why the capital letter?
-
Another example of a helpful genetic alteration was the successful growth of a human ear on the back of a rat. The first rumors of this were proven false, but many years later, a successful living ear was grown in Japan on the back of a rat.
cite source
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where Professor Ian Wilnut of Roslin University successfully cloned Dolly the sheep with his team.
cite source?
-
This is a questions
typo
-
Peer reviews https://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/asp/jnn/2005/00000005/00000012/art00004 – RNA nanotechnology by Peixuan Guo https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3078015/ – Genetic Engineering of Animals by Elisabeth H. Ormandy, Julie Dale, and Gilly Griffin https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0060473 – Vascularised bone regeneration by Xiaoning He https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/29/744826505/sickle-cell-patient-reveals-why-she-is-volunteering-for-landmark-gene-editing-st – interview with experimental gene-therapy patient, Victoria Gray, for sickle cell anemia on NPR news. https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/human-ear-has-been-grown-rat/ – The rat with the ear https://dolly.roslin.ed.ac.uk/facts/the-life-of-dolly/index.html – Dolly the Cloned Sheep https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-mouse-utopias-1960s-led-grim-predictions-humans-180954423/ – “Mouse Utopia”
not in MLA format Please list by author's last name and then first name, following MLA format
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s within our grasp, and we need to use it for the betterment of society.
I don't see a post write
-
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michaelabraz.edublogs.org michaelabraz.edublogs.org
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In America, a woman who is 5’4″ and between 145 and 169 pounds is considered overweight. This same woman would be considered obese if she were over 174 pounds. On the other hand, if this same woman were under 107 pounds, she would be underweight. On average, the human weighs 168 pounds. In other countries, this number is significantly lower. The average weight in Bangladesh is only 109 pounds. This is considered the skinniest country. In Fiji, however, being larger signifies wealth and health.
cite source I am stopping to read here because I can't be sure what is yours and what is not: please cite sources at the point of borrowing. I am concerned by the lack of citations
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Studies also show that Americans start to feel ashamed of their bodies at the age of thirteen
cite source
-
Studies show that the average teenager begins using Instagram at the age of thirteen
cite source
-
ne in five college-aged women show signs of bulimia. Working-class women tend to develop eating disorders due to the fact that they don’t have time to watch their weight.
cire source
-
As a result, people are self-conscious about their appearance, causing them to attempt to change their physical appearance by putting their bodies through intense activities such as binge eating.
do you have a source in support of this claim?
-
The way that the internet has affected the development of the average teen shows that social media is, in fact, a negative attribute to society.
Generally, this is an effective intro paragraph but take care not to be led by a thesis or make an argument
-
“Beauty Standards.” Edited by Patricia Patricia Whelehan, The International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality, https://www.bristolcc.edu:2325/content/title/wileyhs?tab=contents. Foner, Eric. “Fashion and Style.” The Reader’s Companion to American History, https://www.bristolcc.edu:2325/content/entry/rcah/fashion_and_style/0.
pretty good form Remember to begin with author's or editor's last name and include dates of access Personal interview?
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-
mtoldo11.edublogs.org mtoldo11.edublogs.org
-
f your
why the shift to "your"?
-
but ultimately, there has to be a limit and some sort of self control involved when handled all these everyday de
remember your purpose
-
“transformation of man into a smartphone slave”
put in Works Cited list?
-
In the 2017 Indian Journal of Health and Well being, Doctor Rashmi Upreti (doctor of philosophy in human development), and Doctor Ritu Singh (Ad
transition?
-
She stated
use present tense?
-
university of Nottingham Trent University
typo
-
Within another notable article comes “Computers in Human Behavior”
Can you provide more informative transition and topic sentence?
-
“An electromagnetic frequency is a physical field produced by moving and electrically charged particles and formed by rotation of electrons within the atoms and the core.”.
cite source and integrate within your paragraph?
-
can causes symptoms
typo
-
suggests
needs a subject
-
We are loosing
losing
-
on and off the phone time. Do not let yourself be consumed by something that could have an affect on you later in life.
I don't see a list of works cited--very concerning
-
-
lilamarie.edublogs.org lilamarie.edublogs.org
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She quotes,
she observes
-
Studies show that laughter reduces anxiety.
cite sources
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Lastly, laughing burns calories. Laughing can burn up to ten calories every ten minutes.
cite source
-
Those watching the comedy experienced a 17% increase in brachial artery flow and a 10% increase in carotid artery compliance. Those watching the documentary experienced a 15% decrease in brachial artery flow and no change in their carotid artery compliance.
cite source
-
mirthful laughter increased vascular function.
cite author
-
A study conducted by the American Heart Association’s Scientific Section in 2011 exposed 79 participants to either music or laughter therapy and recorded the effects on their blood pressure.
cite author?
-
n a TED Talk presented by Ida Abdalkhni, she sta
In a TED Talk, Ida. . . states
-
(Brian)
why cite here only? is this the only point of borrowing?
-
he frontal lobe of our brain is activated.
please cite source at the point of borrowing--in each sentence
-
positive effects on the human body;
human body:
-
Shakespeare is notorious for it
can you give an example?
-
superior to the other person; making us able to laugh at the situation
edit for punctuation
-
Is laughter more than a spontaneous movement? Does laughter affect the brain and mental health in any way? Does laughter affect how we interact with others?
I find your opening quite effective and very helpful
-
Biblical Account of
edit for caps?
-
have you
why the shift to "you"?
-
“laughter is the best medicine,” how
edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere?
-
Works Cited
pretty good MLA form
-
Lastly, I was unsure how to cite a TED talk, do you know how?
keep it simple? speaker last name, first name, title, TED Talks, date of talk, URL, date of access
-
chose to narrow it down to the effect laughter has on the mind and body
a wise choice
-
-
kylie143.edublogs.org kylie143.edublogs.org
-
Act differently meaning think in another perspective or make us feel a different way about something.
fragment? shift in point of view?
-
on peoples
people's
-
In the video “Your Brain on Social media”, a study that was shown expressed that student who used Facebook ended up getting higher grades in school and in class had a higher performance level
cite author?
-
f your selfie you posted, you feel accomplished and enthused
cite source
-
Where you
why the shift to "you"?
-
cial media is bad, there is good to it also
edit for comma splice
-
then the lecture
than the
-
Even students are example when they are in a classroom setting, they tend to go on their cell phones in the middle of a lecture being held.
edit for punctuation, including comma splice
-
People who have lost their mobile devices stated that they experience loneliness.
cite sources
-
t a mental condition
again, be more precise?
-
you can
why the shift to "you"?
-
“23 percent logged in to Facebook for a 48-hour non-use, experience mental condition”.
cite source
-
explained
what is the subject of "explained"?
-
to often
too
-
If the video wasn’t shown in his eyes, the 30 year old patient would not be as afraid to leave the house.
just one video? Seems odd
-
someones mental heat
someone's
-
those who use social media and watch “threatening/violent” videos causes an impact
edit for grammar? who is the subject of "causes"?
-
they mention
The authors mentions
-
Kumar, Santosh; Natrajan, Kavitha ; and Bhadoria, Ajeet are the authors for this article
put in parentheses only
-
n a peer reviewed article called “Social Media smartphone app and Psychopathology- A case report” they
I would suggest putting the article title in your Work Cited and use the author's name here
-
I see a change in society today then back in
from society in the past? please rephrase
-
by a big number
please be precise
-
ome people go crazy
what do you mean? try to be precise?
-
Maybe it can have a positive impact on people? S
why the question mark here but not before this?
-
ocial Media Smartphone App and Psychopathology . http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=2&sid=107b8cb0-3dfa-46a7-88bd-aa2a5782caaa@sessionmgr101. A Week Without Using Social Media. http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=4&sid=107b8cb0-3dfa-46a7-88bd-aa2a5782caaa@sessionmgr101. SmartText Searching. http://www.bristolcc.edu:2054/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=3&sid=928795f8-0608-44cf-844c-5480a75075b5@sessionmgr4008. Deoliveria,Rita.Personal interview, 19 October.2019 BuzzFeedVideo “How Social Media Affects Your Brain” September 11 2018 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzUb_GeLDg8 October 31 2019
not in MLA form Please begin with author's last name And please make clear what you obtained from a database, perhaps naming the data base I don't see a personal interview
-
Citations-
label this Works Cited
-
my first thought was “where do I go to find them?”
hope it is clear now
-
-
kdemartin11.edublogs.org kdemartin11.edublogs.org
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Like I said,
As I said
-
For a reactive ball, you have to line up a little different.
I sense a loss of focus in this draft at this point: what about the oils?
-
t<
typo
-
AMPBELL
why caps?
-
Good to Gold, Wichita State University Bowling
not in MLA format
-
Now talking about different types of balls,
dangling modifier: needs subject and you will need to work on transition
-
he said “The absolute hardest lane to bowl on. Having to bowl on these lanes are more challenging because there is more oil on the lanes then usual and is spread differently”
cite source
-
o they don’t need to have a lot of oil on
have you forgot about the other kinds of oil?
-
The next category I want to talk about is the challenge pattern.
new paragraph? add transition that is more meaningful and logical?
-
just cause
because? You are drifting into speech here.
-
Those types
This type
-
here are three different categories of oil patterns. They are recreational, challenge, and sport.
cite source?
-
USBC coaching
author's last name in text only
-
layed down
laid
-
you are
I find addressing the reader directly like this really distracting, don't you?
-
There is a lot of different speculations.
There are
-
and always stuck to it
have continued playing ever since
-
your fingers
why the shift to "your"?
-
Citations: YouTube, USBC Coaching Staff, 24 Sept. 2013, https://youtu.be/lHIpf_09ZAc. YouTube, USBC Bowling Academy, 1 Oct. 2014, https://youtu.be/QL74-jfxGDQ. “GETTING STARTED IN…. BOWLING.” Bristol Libraries Remote Access, CAMPBELL, MAUDE, Dec. 2018, http://www.bristolcc.edu:2068/ehost/detail/detail?vid=7&sid=9d30174a-7fb0-473e-b830-dde4407cd60a@sessionmgr103&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ==#.
Works Cited I am concerned: I don't see three peer reviewed articles, or a personal interview. And the list if not in MLA format
-
-
kevdale.edublogs.org kevdale.edublogs.org
-
It comes down to faith. Faith that the scientists understand the outputs of such simulations, and faith that such simulations are even accurate.
an interesting what to put it
-
Thus, radiative imbalance is, in part, what causes temperature variations and it occurs when the amount of solar energy lost and gained to the atmosphere are not equivalent. Spencer explains that, in 2007, the current man-made imbalance was hypothesized to be 0.85 W/m2. In comparison, the hypothesized average for both incoming and outgoing radiation at the top of the atmosphere was 240 W/m2. Furthermore, Spencer expresses that this relatively small portion also depends on a lot of assumed variables. “In other words, this small imbalance assumes all the natural forcings in the climate system are stable. This is unlikely to be true. The oceans can store or release huge amounts of heat without large temperature changes. Indeed, we already know that large radiative imbalances exist locally and regionally, for this is what drives much of our weather.” (Spencer)
you seem to have disappeared from this paragraph: your source material dominates
-
47% of Democrats
begin sentences with words rather than numbers: Forty-seven percent
-
(Borik and Rabe)
see my earlier comments about citing sources at the end of paragraphs only
-
the participants said yes, there was
said, Yes, there was . . .
-
(Spencer) (Oppenheimer and Anttila-Hughes) (Paterson)
cite in sentence where borrowing occurs
-
. (Spencer)
I notice the pattern of citing sources only at the end of paragraphs. Please cite in each sentence when you borrow--for transparency's sake
-
Oppenheimer and Anttila-Hughes) (Spencer)
I'm confused: are they quoted in Spencer? If so you should indicate that: ("As quoted in . . . .)
-
greenhouse effect.
you capitalized one word earlier: try to be consistent in terms of mechanics
-
How Serious is the Global Warming Threat
quotation marks sufficient rather than adding italics
-
In his piece: “How
In his piece, "How
-
that certainly elicits an emotional response from many, that not necessarily being a bad thing.
edit for comma splice and typo?
-
Works Cited:
pretty good form Remember to include dates of access Under "personal interview" your name is not needed
-
I kept ensuring that my purpose was to inform and argue
inform but not argue--note the difference
-
-
kaffonso13.edublogs.org kaffonso13.edublogs.org
-
Over the course of the last twenty years caloric intake has increased by twenty percent. The average American yearly eats 200 pounds of meat as compared to 138 pounds in the 50’s, grains and saturated fats have also shot up in the same time period.
cite sources: I am going to stop reading here because I can't tell with certainty what is yours and what is being drawn from sources. I am concerned by the lack of transparency in documenting use of sources
-
one out of four Americans eat some sort of fast food each day
cite source
-
On average Americans spend 100 billion dollars on fast food each year.
cite source
-
that BMI’s that are in between 18.5 and 24.9 are a healthy weight while BMI over 25.0 are overweight.
cite author's last name
-
americans
capitalize
-
fat versus height, this calculation
edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere
-
Obesity Rates:Adults)
author's last name only in text
-
The reality of life is that this stereotypical body type is nearly impossible for most individuals to obtain, sadly causing most to struggle with confidence in their body image.
good, clear statement
-
who you are
why the shift to "you"?
-
a moment of selfness, rise out
edit for comma splice/fragment
-
Citings
Works Cited
-
Adult Obesity- 2019 https://stateofchildhoodobesity.org/adult-obesity/ Fast Food-2019 https://www.sutterhealth.org/pamf/health/teens/nutrition/fast-food Why Are Americas Obeses -2019 https://www.publichealth.org/public-awareness/obesity/ Why Do They Happen-2019 http://www.ulifeline.org/articles/400-eating-disorders-why-do-they-happen Warning Signs-2018 https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/warning-signs-and-symptoms
not in MLA format And I don't see three peer reviewed source or a personal interview: I'm concerned
-
as your mental health, overall creating a better mindset and a stronger body image!
I don't see a post write
-
-
jmccrystal11.edublogs.org jmccrystal11.edublogs.org
-
Therefore, some strict rules and moderation must arise
remember your purpose in this paper
-
The rise of technology has brought along more bullying and discrimination
cite source
-
When boys and girls play these violent games, they tend to act out more and that also affects their grades.
cite source
-