8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2019
    1. ange from damage within the DNA to simply missing a code from a cell. The DNA duplicates this error with many other DNA molecules thus creating a genetic condition or disease.

      cite source

    2. gets transmitted by a region in the brain known as the amygdala. This region of the brain is responsible for regulating emotional responses such as fear

      cite source

    3. In between these years, the rate of adolescents who had major depression increased up to 52% (going from 8.7% to 13.2%). In young adults ages 18-25 with major depression, this increased up to 63% (moving from (8.1% to 13.2%). T

      These are helpful facts. Might you begin the paragraph by focusing on the impact of social media on mental states? Focus, okay?

    4. These standards have been known to be the leading cause in mental illness.

      if this is the case, perhaps you should start the paragraph with a topic sentence like this, no?

    5. Women are told that they should have a “curvy body” and “nice hair” to appeal to the opposite sex. The same goes for men

      You seem to have lost the thread of your question, no? I get the sense that you are very wide of your mark at this point: can you return to your question?

    6. it is believed that cultural trends, traumatic events, and mutations in genetics may be the leading causes of mental illnesses. 

      I suspect you may want to trim this opening paragraph to get to your research question sooner

    7. Work Cited  Britt, et al. “Stigma of Mental Health Problems in the Military.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 1 Feb. 2007, https://academic.oup.com/milmed/article/172/2/157/4578015. Jacobson, Sheri, et al. “Tough Childhood? The Effects of Trauma on Your Brain.” Harley Therapy™ Blog, 11 Oct. 2019, https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/childhood-effects-of-trauma.htm. “Mental Health Issues Increased Significantly in Young Adults over the Last Decade.” ScienceDaily, ScienceDaily, 15 Mar. 2019, https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/03/190315110908.htm. “The State of Mental Health in America: Mental Health America.” Mha, https://www.mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america. Wax, Ruby. “Transcript of ‘What’s so Funny about Mental Illness?”.” TED, TED Talk, https://www.ted.com/talks/ruby_wax_what_s_so_funny_about_mental_illness/transcript?language=en#t-254218. Wlassoff, Viatcheslav. “How Does Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Change the Brain?” Brain Blogger How Does PostTraumatic Stress Disorder Change the Brain Comments, https://www.brainblogger.com/2015/01/24/how-does-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-change-the-brain/. Post Write

      please remove numbering and alphabetize I don't see three peer reviewed articles obtained by a database here, nor do I see an interview listed Remember to include dates of access

    1. “Planarians (flatworms) are potentially the first large-scale regenerative model for dissecting the molecular details of both regeneration and cancer in adults. Controlling cell growth is a central task in both cancer and epimorphic regeneration.  

      is this all a quotation? please punctuate properly and cite source: I'm getting concerned about the lack of transparency in your use of source material

    2. “Combining the insight gained from space-based investigations together with data from on-ground culture models that are capable of sustaining the culture conditions observed in space could afford a new approach to the study of cancer.”

      please introduce quotation and cite source

    3. Billions of dollars are spent annually on cancer research. Yet, despite some progress in some cancers, the majority of patients with advanced cancer still have few good treatment options. In recent years, the concept of biomarker-guided treatment has swept through cancer research. But despite some promising results, the hoped-for benefits to patients have not been widely realized.

      given the length and complexity of this quotation, I recommend you spend more time commenting on it and you should cite the author

    4. In an article by Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics. Is Cancer Solvable? Towards Efficient and Ethical Biomedical Science (fall2019)

      this should go into the Works Cited list. For now, give author's last name

    5. That feeling of being useless, of not being able to know how it was going to turn out, and asking myself ove and over again, will there ever be cure?

      fragment

    6.  (interview someone with knowledge on the topic) 

      note to yourself? you haven't interview someone yet? Not sure I see the importance of this paragraph

    7. Based on 2013-2015 data, 38.4% of men and women will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in their lifetime. 

      useful statistic, although you hide it in the middle of this paragraph Please cite source

    8. Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics. Fall2019, Vol. 47 Issue 3, p362-368. 7p. 2 Graphs.  Using space-based investigations to inform cancer research on Earth. April 12, 2013  Regeneration: The origin of cancer or a possible cure? April 14, 2009  This Bogus Cancer Cure From The 1970s Is Finding New Life Online, https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemlee/apricot-seeds-cancer  Can common cold virus cure cancer? https://www.foxnews.com/health/can-common-cold-virus-cure-cancer 

      Note that these sources are not listed in MLA format I can't be sure but fI don't believe you have three peer reviewed articles here, nor do I see a personal interview listed.

    1. Another situation as stated before is someone convincing themselves that the lie they’ve created is actually true. This happens mainly when someone has told a lie and tells it all throughout their life, they eventually believe it themselves. 

      I get the sense that you've lost your thread in this paragraph--want to revisit your topic sentence?

    2. “Although lying requires adequate performance from one’s memory, a wealth of research stemming from the last several decades has revealed that memory is reconstructive and malleable in nature. Several studies have demonstrated that one’s original memory for an event can be revised spontaneously or altered when suggestive information is provided by credible others.”

      set apart long quotations?

    3. Dr. Orloff, Judith, psychiatrist and Author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide”

      into Works Cited Edit signal phrase: One scholar discusses. . . .

    4. five categories: cognition, achievement, action/plan/whereabouts, explanation, and fact/property”

      please comment further and explain these categories

    5. I’ve been through so many different situations with others lying. Some have ruined my whole relationship with a person. I’ve also grown up with pathological liars in my everyday life. It used to hurt and even anger me. Now, it has peaked my curiosity. In today’s world, lying is becoming more and more normal in everyday conversations. Making sense of the truth itself fade. I want to grasp an understanding of why almost all of us lie.

      not sure what this paragraph is supposed to be doing here (seems more appropriate for a short answer reflection?

    6. “My phone died that’s why I couldn’t text you back.” As it shows they were on social media the entire time. “I didn’t do it!” says the child that had snuck candy before dinner. These are examples of such simple yet unnecessary lies. Why do we do it.

      not sure why this is its own paragraph. As a general rule I would begin each paragraph with a topic sentence rather than a quotation or paraphrase from a source

    7. They lie to protect themselves and or the people around them. This research will fully dwell in the question and truly answer it. 

      Your intro paragraph is very helpful

    8. Works Cited

      pretty good MLA form (I think you might be able to dispense with the URL if you used databases (a DOI number will suffice in that case). Are you missing a popular web-based source?

    1. ocial skills, (eye contact, public speaking, listening intently to others and socializing) are suffering, which is going to make teens more anxious when these skills are put to the test throughout their lives

      evidence?

    2. According to a 2018 report by Child Mind Institute, in the last 10 years anxiety has increased by 17%, starting with pre-teens as young as 13

      cite author?

    3. What do you think is causing the rise in anxiety in teens? Do you think it’s something we should be concerned about?

      try to focus your questions on the writing as writing

    4. . I had to be extra mindful to not come across biased or argumentative because that is not the purpose of this assignment. Being aware of my audience and genre also played a key role. Knowing my audience is going to determine what information I choose to share with my reader and how I choose to deliver it.

      good to hear

    1. An interview conducted by me asking my sister who had gotten surgery on her leg a few years ago,

      I recommend a more meaningful transition and topic sentence

    2. (M, Kwon)”.

      good--youve cited a source but why is the citation inside the quotation marks? Is someone else citing this source? Without your own list of Works Cited, I can't tell.

    3. In a nursing research conducted in South Korea, the department of nurses did a study on patients with Schizophrenia while they had music therapy, compared to another group of patients with Schizophrenia that did not have music therapy.

      cite source

    4. Studies on people who underwent medical procedures, such as cardiac, colonoscopy or knee surgeries, show the patients who listened to music after their surgery having lower levels of anxiety and a lesser need for painkillers. In one 2006 study, one group of patients who enjoyed music after their surgery was shown to need 18.4% less morphine

      cite author Note that more than half of this paragraph is made up of someone else'words: you seem to be disappearing from this paragraph

    5. In an article that MindBodyGreen posted, it tells us just how music can help

      I suggest putting much of this information in a Works Cited list and provide a more helpful topic sentence here

    6. been known to help many people with physical and mental problems.

      I don't see a Works Cited list--very concerning in a research-based paper I don't see a post write

    1. Another reason is because people do not feel financially stable enough to get married (

      say more about this--perhaps in its own paragraph, because it gets buried here

    2. Research says that 41% of marriages end in divorce.

      seems low to me Why wait until now to bring this up? shouldn't this be put in a more prominent place than in the middle of this late paragraph?

    3. The world has a new take the social norm and I don’t believe marriage is a part of it.  

      I don't follow What is the relevance of this paragraph, exactly?

    4. According to the CDC in 1981 the marriage rate was 10.6 per 1000 population, with the divorce rate being 5.3 per 1000 population

      cite article or particular study done by CDC?

    5. CDC, 16 October 2019, www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/mvsr.htm#43_12s 

      please follow MLA format: title of page, date of access, alphabetize I'm not sure I see three peer reviewed sources here, nor a personal interview

    1. The other person I interviewed she was 25 years old

      try to integrate the material into your paper rather than simply introducing the interview itself

    2. old her parents that she was going to go out with her friends. Her friends did go with her just in case anything happened.”

      not need to italicize quotations--just use quotation marks and signal phrases.

    3. The person that I spoke to her name is Mary Lima

      The person I spoke to was Mary Lima

      Can you provide a more effective and meaningful transition?

    4. 15.7 percent are married : in most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried 1.2 percent are widowed

      cite sources? These stats seem just thrown into your paper; you don't introduce them or comment on their significance

    5. 75 percent say kids that live in a home with both parents they live happier and stress from home

      cite source Begin sentences with spelled out numbers?

    6. These numbers are different from those recently 40.6 percent are currently divorced or separated 42.6 percent have never been married

      please edit for punctuation and cite source

    7. 43 million children. A 58 -percent major were living with both their birth mother and biological father in a traditional married couple. 2.7 numbers are f 4 percent

      cite sources

    8. Study show that behavioral problems were less likely among children living in families with higher level of parental qualifications.

      This doesn't seem to belong here

    9. According to the U.S Census Bureau, approximately 30 percent of American families are headed by only one parent. There were 12 million single-parent households in U.S in 2000. Study show that behavioral problems were less likely among children living in families with higher level of parental qualifications.

      good: I wonder why you don't start the body of your paper with these stats--you really should. Remember to cite the source (title of source, if not the author) in text.

    10. The same as being in a home with one parent. They can have everything they want, the only thing they need or want is attention

      edit for comma splice

    11. The smaller they are the harder they are to understand what is going on. Children know if I miss behave they will call mommy or daddy to pick me up. 

      What is your topic sentence in this paragraph? I am having a hard time following your point

    12. Single parents is taking care of their children on their ow

      please edit for grammar and clarity: Single parenting refers to the care of children by one parent alone.

    13. What is the impact of Single Impact on Children?

      please rephrase and edit--is this what you are trying to say? What Impact does Single Parenting Have on Children?

    14. https://www.verywellfamily.com/single-parent-census-data-2997668 https://nydivorcefirm.com/single-parents-household-does-affect-children http://ifstudies.org/blog/more-than-60-of-u-s-kids-live-with-two-biological-parents

      Works Cited

      These sources need to be listed in MLA format. I also need to see three pee reviewed sources (obtained via a database) and a personal interview. Your research isn't complete, right?

    1. She takes the loan seven thousand dollars, the financial aid and scholarships are five thousand four hundred dollars.

      edit for comma splices here and elsewhere