8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2019
    1. ignorance, its

      edit for comma splice and apostrophe use

    2. he most hardest

      hardest

    3. nsel’s TED Talk, he goes into detail about how society views

      a new paragraph?

    4. ange from damage within the DNA to simply missing a code from a cell. The DNA duplicates this error with many other DNA molecules thus creating a genetic condition or disease.

      cite source

    5. ou mom.

      your?

    6. Genetics have played a long role in human development for ages.

      transition?

    7. Ruby Wax’s TED Talk about mental illness she

      In her TED talk, Was discusses

    8. gets transmitted by a region in the brain known as the amygdala. This region of the brain is responsible for regulating emotional responses such as fear

      cite source

    9. that the affected witness could develop PTSD.

      cite source

    10. shape you

      why shift to "you"?

    11. the greatest most

      greatest

    12. oung adults with suicidal ideations. This went up 47% (going from 7.0% to 10.3%)

      cite source

    13. In between these years, the rate of adolescents who had major depression increased up to 52% (going from 8.7% to 13.2%). In young adults ages 18-25 with major depression, this increased up to 63% (moving from (8.1% to 13.2%). T

      These are helpful facts. Might you begin the paragraph by focusing on the impact of social media on mental states? Focus, okay?

    14. ounger generation.

      generation:

    15. worthless

      worthlessness?

    16. These standards have been known to be the leading cause in mental illness.

      if this is the case, perhaps you should start the paragraph with a topic sentence like this, no?

    17. Women are told that they should have a “curvy body” and “nice hair” to appeal to the opposite sex. The same goes for men

      You seem to have lost the thread of your question, no? I get the sense that you are very wide of your mark at this point: can you return to your question?

    18. The same thing goes for society

      I don't know what this means

    19. he colors orange and black a

      is this the title of a show?

    20. It is no shock to anyone how society holds a powerful influence over people

      not sure what this means

    21. it is believed that cultural trends, traumatic events, and mutations in genetics may be the leading causes of mental illnesses. 

      I suspect you may want to trim this opening paragraph to get to your research question sooner

    22. preferably

      is this the right word?

    23. at you

      "why the shift to 'you"?

    24. Work Cited  Britt, et al. “Stigma of Mental Health Problems in the Military.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 1 Feb. 2007, https://academic.oup.com/milmed/article/172/2/157/4578015. Jacobson, Sheri, et al. “Tough Childhood? The Effects of Trauma on Your Brain.” Harley Therapy™ Blog, 11 Oct. 2019, https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/childhood-effects-of-trauma.htm. “Mental Health Issues Increased Significantly in Young Adults over the Last Decade.” ScienceDaily, ScienceDaily, 15 Mar. 2019, https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/03/190315110908.htm. “The State of Mental Health in America: Mental Health America.” Mha, https://www.mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america. Wax, Ruby. “Transcript of ‘What’s so Funny about Mental Illness?”.” TED, TED Talk, https://www.ted.com/talks/ruby_wax_what_s_so_funny_about_mental_illness/transcript?language=en#t-254218. Wlassoff, Viatcheslav. “How Does Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Change the Brain?” Brain Blogger How Does PostTraumatic Stress Disorder Change the Brain Comments, https://www.brainblogger.com/2015/01/24/how-does-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-change-the-brain/. Post Write

      please remove numbering and alphabetize I don't see three peer reviewed articles obtained by a database here, nor do I see an interview listed Remember to include dates of access

    25. enjoyed this assignment due to the flexibility of writing.

      glad to hear it

    1. as found

      typo

    2. It seems that a lot on thing were happening in the 1970’s.

      revise topic sentence to be more substantive?

    3. that a lot on thing

      rephrase?

    4. “Planarians (flatworms) are potentially the first large-scale regenerative model for dissecting the molecular details of both regeneration and cancer in adults. Controlling cell growth is a central task in both cancer and epimorphic regeneration.  

      is this all a quotation? please punctuate properly and cite source: I'm getting concerned about the lack of transparency in your use of source material

    5. but countless more studies need

      edit for punctuation

    6. ith osteoblast

      which are?

    7. “Combining the insight gained from space-based investigations together with data from on-ground culture models that are capable of sustaining the culture conditions observed in space could afford a new approach to the study of cancer.”

      please introduce quotation and cite source

    8. As to how gravity is a huge factor on tumor cell growth

      fragment

    9. In a research conducted by Jeanne L. Becker and Glauco R. Souza, they co

      In their research, Becker and . . . .

    10. Some people think out of the box

      Can you provide a more information topic sentence?

    11. Billions of dollars are spent annually on cancer research. Yet, despite some progress in some cancers, the majority of patients with advanced cancer still have few good treatment options. In recent years, the concept of biomarker-guided treatment has swept through cancer research. But despite some promising results, the hoped-for benefits to patients have not been widely realized.

      given the length and complexity of this quotation, I recommend you spend more time commenting on it and you should cite the author

    12. In an article by Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics. Is Cancer Solvable? Towards Efficient and Ethical Biomedical Science (fall2019)

      this should go into the Works Cited list. For now, give author's last name

    13. That feeling of being useless, of not being able to know how it was going to turn out, and asking myself ove and over again, will there ever be cure?

      fragment

    14.  (interview someone with knowledge on the topic) 

      note to yourself? you haven't interview someone yet? Not sure I see the importance of this paragraph

    15. Based on 2013-2015 data, 38.4% of men and women will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in their lifetime. 

      useful statistic, although you hide it in the middle of this paragraph Please cite source

    16. There are more than 100 types of cancer. 

      please cite source

    17. Can cancer be Cured?

      in titles capitalize the first letters of first and last words and major words: try to be consistent

    18. Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics. Fall2019, Vol. 47 Issue 3, p362-368. 7p. 2 Graphs.  Using space-based investigations to inform cancer research on Earth. April 12, 2013  Regeneration: The origin of cancer or a possible cure? April 14, 2009  This Bogus Cancer Cure From The 1970s Is Finding New Life Online, https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemlee/apricot-seeds-cancer  Can common cold virus cure cancer? https://www.foxnews.com/health/can-common-cold-virus-cure-cancer 

      Note that these sources are not listed in MLA format I can't be sure but fI don't believe you have three peer reviewed articles here, nor do I see a personal interview listed.

    1. So while people may have similar situations.

      fragment

    2. lead me

      led

    3. During an Interview with Psychology professor Zahm,

      can you provide a more substantive transition and topic sentence

    4. Another situation as stated before is someone convincing themselves that the lie they’ve created is actually true. This happens mainly when someone has told a lie and tells it all throughout their life, they eventually believe it themselves. 

      I get the sense that you've lost your thread in this paragraph--want to revisit your topic sentence?

    5. your memory

      why the shift to "your"?

    6. “Although lying requires adequate performance from one’s memory, a wealth of research stemming from the last several decades has revealed that memory is reconstructive and malleable in nature. Several studies have demonstrated that one’s original memory for an event can be revised spontaneously or altered when suggestive information is provided by credible others.”

      set apart long quotations?

    7. she is, therefore she lies.

      edit for comma splice

    8. Making it possible for them to lie.

      forget

    9. Not caring what the lie will affect.

      fragment

    10. Dr. Orloff, Judith, psychiatrist and Author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide”

      into Works Cited Edit signal phrase: One scholar discusses. . . .

    11. In the article The Pinocchio effect and the Cold Stress Test: Lies and thermography

      put into Works Cited--for now cite author only

    12. physical reasons

      not sure what you mean

    13. I’d be lying myself if I said I never told a lie

      not sure why you enter this discussion

    14. five categories: cognition, achievement, action/plan/whereabouts, explanation, and fact/property”

      please comment further and explain these categories

    15. they

      who?

    16. “DePaulo et al. (1996)

      I appreciate the citation but you are using APA rather than MLA format

    17. Are you

      why the shift to "you"?

    18. I’ve been through so many different situations with others lying. Some have ruined my whole relationship with a person. I’ve also grown up with pathological liars in my everyday life. It used to hurt and even anger me. Now, it has peaked my curiosity. In today’s world, lying is becoming more and more normal in everyday conversations. Making sense of the truth itself fade. I want to grasp an understanding of why almost all of us lie.

      not sure what this paragraph is supposed to be doing here (seems more appropriate for a short answer reflection?

    19. “My phone died that’s why I couldn’t text you back.” As it shows they were on social media the entire time. “I didn’t do it!” says the child that had snuck candy before dinner. These are examples of such simple yet unnecessary lies. Why do we do it.

      not sure why this is its own paragraph. As a general rule I would begin each paragraph with a topic sentence rather than a quotation or paraphrase from a source

    20. They lie to protect themselves and or the people around them. This research will fully dwell in the question and truly answer it. 

      Your intro paragraph is very helpful

    21. o another as if it were the truth. M

      punctuate as a question

    22. do it?

      do what? lie or feel guilt?

    23. Whether is small white lies or lies so big it could change a person’s entire life

      edit for fragment

    24. Draft #1

      Draft #3?

    25. Works Cited

      pretty good MLA form (I think you might be able to dispense with the URL if you used databases (a DOI number will suffice in that case). Are you missing a popular web-based source?

    1. the second leading cause of death between in individuals between the ages of 15-24.

      stunning: maybe you should mention this earlier?

    2. teens life

      teen's

    3. there may be things

      can you be more precise?

    4. Having discussed genetics being a factor

      In addition to genetics. . . .

    5. bout 30% of early onset anxiety is explained by family history (Pappas). I

      okay: but why now more than in the past?

    6. ocial skills, (eye contact, public speaking, listening intently to others and socializing) are suffering, which is going to make teens more anxious when these skills are put to the test throughout their lives

      evidence?

    7. seniors

      seniors in high school

    8. Our parents

      the shit to "our" seems abrupt to me

    9. and although

      and, although

    10. many of them too young to remember a time before it

      you need a verb

    11. gy at a rapid pace, in

      note comma splice, here and elsewhere

    12. In fact, in 2017 a survey of 5,000 American teens found that 3 out of 4 teenagers owned an iPhone

      useful stat

    13. the survey they

      a survey conducted

    14. the today’s teens.

      on today's teens

    15. According to a 2018 report by Child Mind Institute, in the last 10 years anxiety has increased by 17%, starting with pre-teens as young as 13

      cite author?

    16. Are Teens More Anxious?

      you mean, now more than in the past? or more than other age groups?

    17. Work cited:

      Works Cited Pretty good MLA format Remember to include personal interview?

    18. What do you think is causing the rise in anxiety in teens? Do you think it’s something we should be concerned about?

      try to focus your questions on the writing as writing

    19. . I had to be extra mindful to not come across biased or argumentative because that is not the purpose of this assignment. Being aware of my audience and genre also played a key role. Knowing my audience is going to determine what information I choose to share with my reader and how I choose to deliver it.

      good to hear

    20. but also for our Professor because he doesn’t have to read the same thing over and over.

      I agree completely

    21. had fun writing this paper because I got to pick my own question. 

      glad to hear it

    1. An interview conducted by me asking my sister who had gotten surgery on her leg a few years ago,

      I recommend a more meaningful transition and topic sentence

    2. therapy, therefore which

      edit for punctuation and rephrase

    3. Kagialari, Maria).

      last name only sufficient here

    4. if its an

      it's

    5. it also helped

      why the shift in tense?

    6. more happier

      happier

    7. (M, Kwon)”.

      good--youve cited a source but why is the citation inside the quotation marks? Is someone else citing this source? Without your own list of Works Cited, I can't tell.

    8. In a nursing research conducted in South Korea, the department of nurses did a study on patients with Schizophrenia while they had music therapy, compared to another group of patients with Schizophrenia that did not have music therapy.

      cite source

    9. with Schizophrenia

      why capitalize?

    10. Just how music can improve health physically, it

      rephrase as a question? and repunctuate

    11. Studies on people who underwent medical procedures, such as cardiac, colonoscopy or knee surgeries, show the patients who listened to music after their surgery having lower levels of anxiety and a lesser need for painkillers. In one 2006 study, one group of patients who enjoyed music after their surgery was shown to need 18.4% less morphine

      cite author Note that more than half of this paragraph is made up of someone else'words: you seem to be disappearing from this paragraph

    12. In the fourth paragraph, i

      put in in text citation

    13. tells

      what is the subject of this verb?

    14. Another article CNN has posted,

      again, I would cite author's name in text and work on a more effective topic and transition sentence

    15. perception and movement.” 

      please cite author, if you have one

    16.  dopamine which

      punctuate as in original?

    17. In the first paragraph, it states

      The authors state . . .

    18. In an article that MindBodyGreen posted, it tells us just how music can help

      I suggest putting much of this information in a Works Cited list and provide a more helpful topic sentence here

    19. To relax them, help them focus, to put them in a better mood, etc.

      edit for fragment

    20. You might

      why the shift to "you"?

    21. been known to help many people with physical and mental problems.

      I don't see a Works Cited list--very concerning in a research-based paper I don't see a post write

    1. Another reason is because people do not feel financially stable enough to get married (

      say more about this--perhaps in its own paragraph, because it gets buried here

    2. ocial media blowing u

      what does this mean?

    3. Research says that 41% of marriages end in divorce.

      seems low to me Why wait until now to bring this up? shouldn't this be put in a more prominent place than in the middle of this late paragraph?

    4. so who really wants to wait.

      edit for punctuation

    5. Taxes really is not the answer

      I don't follow

    6. Why do people get married now?

      not sure of the relevance, given your own question

    7. since you make

      why the shift to "you"?

    8. I think that a big part is that women are a lot more independent than they were 20-30 years ago.

      please provide evidence

    9. Unlike Cinderalla and Snow White who both married in royalty and didn’t really know their husbands at all.  

      fragment

    10. Young girls now have princesses with no princes and kingdom with no castles.

      not sure what this means

    11. why are less people

      fewer

    12. that unmarried Americans outnumbered married Americans (L

      okay: good info. Do you have the numbers?

    13. In 2014 was

      "was" needs a subject

    14. The world has a new take the social norm and I don’t believe marriage is a part of it.  

      I don't follow What is the relevance of this paragraph, exactly?

    15. s June 25th, 2015, this is

      edit for comma splice, here and elsewhere

    16. what is happening right now.

      punctuate as a question

    17. since women could not make very much money or own any property themselves

      cite source

    18. women need

      tense?

    19. First

      I guess this works as a transition but I wonder if you could work on a more effective one

    20. why are less people wanting to getting marriage and how will this affect and change the future.

      why are fewer people . . .?

    21. less people getting married there are less

      fewer people . . . fewer marriages

    22. According to the CDC in 1981 the marriage rate was 10.6 per 1000 population, with the divorce rate being 5.3 per 1000 population

      cite article or particular study done by CDC?

    23. The CDC k

      which stands for?

    24. you ever wanted

      why the shift to "you"?

    25. CDC, 16 October 2019, www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/mvsr.htm#43_12s 

      please follow MLA format: title of page, date of access, alphabetize I'm not sure I see three peer reviewed sources here, nor a personal interview

    26. will get less and less important as other things become bigger goals in our life.  

      I don't see a post write

    1. School

      school

    2. still hanged in

      hung in there

    3. “Sara we

      Sarah, we

    4. The other person I interviewed she was 25 years old

      try to integrate the material into your paper rather than simply introducing the interview itself

    5. I moved in with my mom I stood their for 6 months.

      edit for fused sentences "stayed there"

    6. until I seen

      until I saw

    7. When she seen

      When she saw

    8. Their was one day

      There I'm not sure of the relevance of some of these stories: show their connection to your topic, okay?

    9. old her parents that she was going to go out with her friends. Her friends did go with her just in case anything happened.”

      not need to italicize quotations--just use quotation marks and signal phrases.

    10. The person that I spoke to her name is Mary Lima

      The person I spoke to was Mary Lima

      Can you provide a more effective and meaningful transition?

    11. 15.7 percent are married : in most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried 1.2 percent are widowed

      cite sources? These stats seem just thrown into your paper; you don't introduce them or comment on their significance

    12. 75 percent say kids that live in a home with both parents they live happier and stress from home

      cite source Begin sentences with spelled out numbers?

    13. These numbers are different from those recently 40.6 percent are currently divorced or separated 42.6 percent have never been married

      please edit for punctuation and cite source

    14. 43 million children. A 58 -percent major were living with both their birth mother and biological father in a traditional married couple. 2.7 numbers are f 4 percent

      cite sources

    15. Mothers who have custodial parents.

      fragment

    16. He was their

      There

    17. heir was a

      There

    18. The were times

      typo?

    19. Working and dealing with my kids behavior at school.

      fragment

    20. They was much

      edit for subject verb agreement

    21. delta it for 7 years

      rephrase?

    22. So, since he didn’t help with the bills or the kids.

      fragment

    23. popped at the same tim

      rephrase?

    24. he twins was born.

      edit for subject-verb agreement: twins were born

    25. Parents that are single they

      you have two subjects in this sentence

    26. Study show that behavioral problems were less likely among children living in families with higher level of parental qualifications.

      This doesn't seem to belong here

    27. According to the U.S Census Bureau, approximately 30 percent of American families are headed by only one parent. There were 12 million single-parent households in U.S in 2000. Study show that behavioral problems were less likely among children living in families with higher level of parental qualifications.

      good: I wonder why you don't start the body of your paper with these stats--you really should. Remember to cite the source (title of source, if not the author) in text.

    28. ingle parents families

      single parent families

    29. In todays day and age

      edit for apostrophe use

    30. Negatively affecting their daily life’s at school, at home and with the friends.

      fragment

    31. child mind it run

      you have two subjects in this sentence

    32. It’s more harder

      It's harder to

    33. f you

      why the shift to "you"?

    34. my parents or teachers attention

      parent's teacher's

    35. The same as being in a home with one parent. They can have everything they want, the only thing they need or want is attention

      edit for comma splice

    36. The smaller they are the harder they are to understand what is going on. Children know if I miss behave they will call mommy or daddy to pick me up. 

      What is your topic sentence in this paragraph? I am having a hard time following your point

    37. hen sitting their

      there?

    38. Leaving the children behind they

      edit for grammar: who is the subject of "Leaving"? "they"?

    39. Behaviors, in a single family home is almost the same having both parents in the house.

      edit for punctuation and subject/verb agreement

    40. Co-parenting

      please define what this means, for your reader's sake

    41. happening to

      happening too?

    42. Parents in this century, are separated from each other

      edit for punctuation Do you have evidence for this claim? If so, please cite source

    43. A person bringing up a child or children without a partner.

      edit for fragment

    44. Single parents is taking care of their children on their ow

      please edit for grammar and clarity: Single parenting refers to the care of children by one parent alone.

    45. What is the impact of Single Impact on Children?

      please rephrase and edit--is this what you are trying to say? What Impact does Single Parenting Have on Children?

    46. https://www.verywellfamily.com/single-parent-census-data-2997668 https://nydivorcefirm.com/single-parents-household-does-affect-children http://ifstudies.org/blog/more-than-60-of-u-s-kids-live-with-two-biological-parents

      Works Cited

      These sources need to be listed in MLA format. I also need to see three pee reviewed sources (obtained via a database) and a personal interview. Your research isn't complete, right?

    1. According to the sociology book,

      According to one sociologist textbook,

    2. (Understanding Social Problem)                    

      cite author instead

    3. ( Great value Colleges ).

      cite author

    4. College degree

      why the capital?

    5. Davidson Institute for Talent Development ).

      cite author's last name only

    6. and joyful in mind

      rephrase?

    7. the President of Princeton University) 

      are you citing a source? which?

    8. does not only happen in college

      rephrase for clarity: happens not only in college

    9. Mrs Margaret Harrington who is an  ESL adjunct

      edit for comma use (insert comma0

    10. to run away  four year college?

      phrasing unclear

    11. She takes the loan seven thousand dollars, the financial aid and scholarships are five thousand four hundred dollars.

      edit for comma splices here and elsewhere

    12. National center for education statistics, 2014

      not quite in MLA format

    13. It is easy to attend college and get that education?

      not phrased as a question

    14. n the same way, the President of Princeton University said college is a long term investment.

      cite source

    15. a quiet life everywhere you will be. I

      not sure what this means or how it follows

    16. you will be

      why the shift to "you"?

    17. souza.

      capitalize S