8,270 Matching Annotations
  1. Feb 2019
    1. “If you want to really hurt me, talk bad about my language.  Ethnic identity is twin skin to linguistic identity I am my language.”

      cite source

    2. he audience for this passage are the individuals who are voiceless and cannot stand up for themselves

      more information--who are they, exactly?

    3. Livingstons graduation speech/poem is nonfiction. He mentions his personal story in his speech.

      okay: you've identified his genres (use term?). Why does he choose a spoken word poem?

    4. Donovan Livingston spoke during his graduation speech “Spoken word commencement” at Harvard.

      see my comment above about topic sentences

    5. The purpose of this letter was for non violent strategy’s protesting against racism.

      This seems just stuck in here. Put in its own paragraph and spend time with it? Have you discussed King's use of genre?

    6. The audience were eight clergymen who criticize Martin because they believed if he fought for the civil rights it would cause a huge violent altercation

      okay good. Stay with this idea longer--how does he write to this audience? How do we know that he is aware of that audience in his approach?

    7. Martin Luther King Junior was a spokesperson and a leader for the civil rights movement in 1954

      I'd like you to replace this sentence with a true topic sentence that introduces the topic of your paragraph, okay? Seems like a lost opportunity here.

    8. Audience is the group of people(listeners) who you are expressing your topic too,  there are

      edit for punctuation (using a comma like a period)

    9. Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” Fifty Great Essays . Boston: Pearson, 2011. 30-41. Print King, Martin Luther Junior “Letter to Birmingham Jail.” King Research and Education Institute. 16 April 1963. file:///C:/Users/kxmen/AppData/Local/Microsoft/Windows/INetCache/IE/HAGD1H8E/630416-019.pdf Livingston, Donovan “Lift off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education. 25 May 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XGUpKITeJM

      close to MLA format no need for bullets include web addresses for each of the three sources and dates of access

    1. he genre is a Pecha Kucha. This is a series of 20 slides that each show for 20 seconds with words.

      stuck at the end needing more development in its own paragraph?

    2. The audience for this particular work is anyone from other cultures or even continents that may believe the lies and stereotypes that have been made about Africa

      be more precise? Europeans and Americans?

    3. The purpose the author was trying to get across here is to inform us

      okay but be precise: inform us about the inaccuracy of stereotypes about Africa?

    4. A piece completely different but also does a nice job of getting the purpose across is In “Every 60 Seconds in Africa”

      see my earlier comment on the topic sentence of the previous paragraph? Ir creates certain expectations in your reader that you will cover purpose in this paragraph, only.

    5. purpose is to make you want to be the best version of you and truly see your potential.

      you've kept the purpose until the end and are too quick, no? put this earlier and focus one paragraph on purpose?

    6. Livingston’s audience is not just the graduates sitting in front of him but also the educators

      actually the graduates are future teachers (school of education)

    7. Now another person who does a great job showing his purpose is Donovan Livingston

      okay: I like the transition. Keep in mind, though, that this acts as your topic sentence as well. Is the whole paragraph about Livingston's sense of purpose?

    8. The genre of this is a little bit of poetry along with an informative speech.

      say more about his understanding and playing with the genre: this point is too quickly made and seems buried in the paragraph, no?

    9. he is showing you his purpose which is to dispense advice to a group of young strangers and reassure them the future does not get any easier with time or practice.

      okay: stay focused on the purpose here rather than the message

    10. A purpose of writing is “why” you are writing, what point you want to make.

      try to be more precise: purpose refers to what the writing is doing, message refers to what the writing is saying (the point, as you put it)

    11. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa…” PechaKucha 20×20, www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot. Six Rules of Success | Graduation Speech 2009 | Arnold Schwarzenegger, Colorado College, 10 Feb. 2013, www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm. “Lift Off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education, 25 May 2016, 4:40 PM, www.gse.harvard.edu/news/16/05/lift.

      not in MLA format Please include author last and first names, date of publication for all sources, and dates of access, all alphaabetically arranged

    1. he rhetorical situation requires genre, audience,

      have you analyzed all three sources in light of these three terms? I think you've missed something, right?

    2. When writing for a certain genre, there are guidelines to follow depending

      hold on--you're shifting to genre before you've analyzed audience in the third piece?

    3. In Martin Luther King Jr’s “Letter from Birmingham jail”, he is responding to a public concern,

      do you want to begin a new paragraph here, with transition?

    4. he is very aware that his audience is a group of young people, who are embarking on a new journey, and are eagerly waiting to graduate and celebrate soon after his speech. He is conscious of this and expresses this in his speech when he says, “I am going to speak for 13 minutes. I think you deserve to know that this will be a finite experience” Billy Collins uses his knowledge of the audience to express to the eager young crowd that in 13 minutes he will be done speaking

      good

    5. Whether the purpose is to persuade, or motivate, the purpose is key in creating a piece if writing correctly. The genre is the category in which the writing would be put into to specify the type of writing it is. The audience is the group of people you are speaking to or writing for, and you want to appeal to them and write things that would be to their benefit.

      good and useful information

    6. Faten Aggad- Clerx .“Every 60 Seconds in Africa…” PechaKucha 20×20, 29 Feb  2016 www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot. Accessed 11 Feb 2019 King, Martin Luther. “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” Kwheeler, 16 April 1963 web.cn.edu/kwheeler/documents/Letter_Birmingham_Jail.pdf. Accessed 11 Feb 2019 Billy Collins. “Six Rules of Success | Graduation Speech 2009″ 19 May 2009.  www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm Accessed 11 Feb 2019

      pretty good, MLA form Remember to alphabetize by author's last name

    1. All these pieces to me, related to one another. From Anzaldua and Livington’s “Be who you are”, to Collins’ “focus on the now”, all had similar meanings, tones, genres and feelings. They all had some personal life experiences, humor, and kept it clear and simple which is all the aspects I personally look for when wanting to read a nice piece of writing.

      Can you use this last paragraph to state a Theory of Writing: how these concepts figure into producing really good writing? how they might be linked?

    2. Now another speech that also reminded me of now Livingston’s speech is the Billy Collins commencement address.

      I do appreciate the attempt at transition but can give more substance to the connection between these writers?

    3. As educators, rather than raising your voices, Over the rustling of our chains … Of poverty and privilege, Policy and ignorance.”

      accurate quotation? try to integrate quotation within your writing more smoothly?

    4. which its genres were mainly based upon poetry and a general graduation speech.

      rephrase: whose genres were spoken word poetry and commencement address

    5. with poetry and academic essay aspect.

      can you rephrase for clarity and precision? She includes poetry and academic analysis typical of a scholarly essay

    6. The terms “Genre”, “Audience” and “Purpose” all have very important roles in writing and/or speeches/presentations. 

      This paragraph is clear and useful: good

    7. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/16/05/lift http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf

      not in MLA format Please provide author last name, first name, title, date of publication and date of access. Alphabetize by author's last name

    1. Anzadula is targeting the kind of people that need to hear these messages.

      people like her, who live on the border of languages, customs and culture?

    2. I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing. I will have my voice: Indian, Spanish, white. I will have my serpent’s tongue- my woman’s voice, my sexual voice, my poet’s voice. I will overcome the tradition of silence.”

      good: remember to cite author, okay?

    3. The second piece of writing I analyzed

      I appreciate the effort at transition but can you come up with a more meaningful one? Can you imagine a tie in between the authors?

    4. The audience for this piece is European audiences, specifically of the younger generation

      good observation Do you think this audience might be receptive to this genre--visual, moving at a quick clip? Why?

    5. he genre that the author went with for this piece was quite literally a Pecha Kucha, meaning a total of 20 slides that last for a duration of 20 seconds each.

      good

    6. Why is the author writing this work? What message is the piece of work trying to provide for their audience

      try to be more precise okay? Purpose refers to what the writing is doing (informing, arguing, and so forth), and message refers to what the writing is saying (theme, big idea).

    7. “Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt.” -Dale Carnegie.

      engaging opening--you might want to separate this from your first paragraph and of course you will need to list the full source in your Works Cited at the end

    8. Aggad, Faten. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa.” Maastricht. 29 February https://www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot Anzadula, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf Livingston, Donovan. “Donovan Livingston’s Student Speech.” Harvard Graduate School of Education. 2016. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=10153893399331387

      close to MLA format but you will need to include full dates of publication and dates of access and no need to bold the authors' names

    1. The genre of this piece is a speech, or more specifically a commencement address. This tells us that Collins was speaking to an assembled crowd mostly made up of graduates and their families.

      yes: but what are the features of a commencement address? elaborate?

    1. The “Every 60 seconds in Africa’’ video is for the media because she wants to know what the media has done wrong. Also, she wants people to know how to improve the image of Africa. Also, the Peach Kusch presentation audience who are seeing Africa will not have a bad image and they think Africa is like that because the Peach Kusch presentation wants to show those people that Africa doesn’t have a bad image, they have some good t

      please identify the intended audience: Americans and Europeans? focus, okay?

    2. comedic speeches, and even have nearly identical introductions.   The last genre I am write about is Martin Luther King JR’s letter from Birmingham non-fiction and he wrote a letter.  

      pease say more about each genre

    3. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa…” PechaKucha 20×20, Faten Aggad-Clerx, 29 Feb. 2016, www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot.

      not quite MLA form--begin with author's last name. Alphabetize list. Include dates of access

    1. The choice of genre Aggad selected was very easy for people to understand, and the powerful images she chose allowed people to get an insight on what she’s referring to.

      good--and the genre is appropriate for her subject

    2. her audience is the people of America and Europe who constantly feel the need to be concerned by the poverty,

      well, yes: you have the intended audience, although one assumes that she is speaking to young people.

    3. Are they trying to motivate the graduating class about their bright future or are they trying to persuade that animal testing is cruel

      okay: good and precise definition

    4. Livingston, Donovan. “Lift Off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education. 25 May 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XGUpKITeJM Accessed 11 Feb. 2019.   Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” Borderlands/ La Frontera: The New Mestiza. Aunt Lute Books, 2012. Print.   Aggad, Fatten. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa.” Maasright Vol 29, Pecha Kucha https://www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot Presented Feb. 29 2016.

      please alphabetize and give dates of access as well as URL for all sources

    1. The audience that “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” is intended for is other chicana students like Gloria who struggle with differences in culture and language.

      okay: good, but note how this gets lost in the paragraph

    2. The genre of “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” is non-fiction and it’s written in a essay-like format s

      can you be more precise? The genre is partly essay/partly memoir/?

    3. Billy Collin’s purpose in the address is to motivate and inspire the young vulnerable college graduates to live in the present

      you've already said this, right?

    4. Purpose is the main idea you are trying to get across to the audience

      Actually, purpose refers not to the message but to what the writing is doing

    5. Anzaldua, Gloria “How to Tame a Wild Tongue” = https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf Collins, Billy Commencement Address to Colorado College (May 19, 2008) – http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm Livingston, Donovan Commencement Speech to Harvard University (2016) – https://www.facebook.com/HarvardEducation/videos/10153893399331387

      not consistent MLA form Please include dates of publication and dates of access

    1. Last we have Gloria Anzaldua’s work, She combines different genres for her writing.

      good. Again, you might want to break this into a separate paragraph?

    2. Lastly purpose being what the author wants to accomplish through there work

      okay but you might want to be a bit more precise: purpose refers to what the writing is doing

    3. Livingston, Donovan. “Lift Off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education, 25 May 2016, www.gse.harvard.edu/news/16/05/lift. Anzaldua , Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” Www.everettsd.org, www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/965/Anzaldua-Wild-Tongue.pdf. Aggad-clerx, Faten. “Every 60 Seconds in Africa…” PechaKucha 20×20, 27 May 2016, www.pechakucha.com/presentations/every-60-seconds-in-africa-dot-dot-dot.

      close to MLA form Please alphabetize and include dates of access

    1. He’s a realist and I can tell that just by the speech, and the statement of the duration of the time frame. He tries using humor. I feel he does this to lighten the mood. Graduation speeches are usually serious. He tries to be relatable by saying he doesn’t know how to give the advice to prepare them for the future because who knows what to say. He tries to be as relatable as possible.

      focus or relevance? try to connect to your analysis?

    2. He says that it means gratitude for simply being alive. He talks about having gratitude for the natural world

      I sense the need for a topic sentence here, perhaps focusing on audience

    3. The message is that he started from quite literally nothing. He worked his way up in life, was called things like, “Disruptive, talkative, a distraction.” He talks about past life experiences with past teachers and people he’s come into contact with. The students listening to this were quite moved. The tone was very passionate here. The in-depth descriptions of every event he’s had to go through keep the audience at the edge of their seat.

      focus? not sure why you rae talking about message and tone here

    4. audience.  He sets the tone immediately here that what was going to be discussed is serious and important. He talks about his personal life. How he couldn’t read or write. In his country doing so he could have been killed. Knowing how to read and write could have meant escaping. This is so moving and so powerful. He sets the tone, by relating the speech to his actual struggles.

      try to focus on audience: the educators in his audience (and elsewhere)

    5. “Education then, beyond all other devices of human origin is a great equalizer of the conditions of men.”

      does't seem to follow or below here

    6. The genre is a speech. He also ties in poetry

      Can you be more direct? Can you say something like, Livingston uses two genres: a commencement address and a spoken word poem

    7. he genre of this is clearly a letter.

      okay: stay with genre longer. Why does King choose to write a letter? What is there about a letter that is different from writing in other genes? Slow down, okay? Perhaps you can use a paragraph for genre and a paragraph for purpose?

    8. The first piece I chose was Martin Luther King Jr’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail.

      do you want to revise this sentence so that it offers a topic for your paragraph? I'd like to see a sharper focus for this long paragraph: is about audience? is that the point?

    9. The audience would be the leaders of the so-called white church.

      okay: I would put this in a more prominent place earlier in the paragraph. It gets buried here, no?

    10. “While confined here in the Birmingham city jail, I came across your recent statement calling our present activities “unwise and untimely.” From this statement alone, he sets the tone of the letter.

      cite source

    11. purpose is the reason behind doing something

      actually, purpose refers to what the writing is doing: persuading, informing, entertaining, and so forth

    12. BIBLIOGRAPHY: King, Martin Luther, Jr. “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” King Research and Education Institute. 16 April 1963 http://okra.stanford.edu/transcription/document/images/undecided/630416-019.pdf Accessed 11 Feb. 2019 -Livingston, Donovan. “Lift Off.” Harvard Graduate School of Education, 25 May 2017 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XGUpKITeJK Accessed 11 Feb. 2019. -Collins, Billy “Commencement Speech” Colorado College 19 May, 2008 http://www.graduationwisdom.com/speeches/0135-Billy-Collins-Gives-Brilliant-Witty-Commencement-Speech-Address-At-Colorado-College-2008.htm15 Accessed 14 Feb. 2019

      close to MLA, although formatting is off. Remove bullets and alphabetize okay?

    1. An example being: a children’s book, a children’s book will have a set audience (that being the children) and a set purpose being to entertain the children.

      note fragment

    2. overall portrayed genre could be described as spoken word poetry.

      yes, and a graduation speech: what are the features of each genre? Explain?

    3. She intendeds to inform specific countries such as the USA and France specifically, as she mentions thoroughly throughout her presentation. Aggard is inte

      America and Europe, right?

    4. She discusses the conflicts Africa faces and how there are many similarities within Africa just as there are in other countries and continents.

      why does she choose this genre for this subject?

    5. to persuade or rather inform her audience that linguistic freedom for herself and others should be more accepted and acknowledged, she emphasizes how people should not be ashamed of their native tongues, r

      so she has two different purposes depending on her audience? Can you distinguish the audiences here, too?

    6. is people much like herself. She reaches out to those who feel oppressed and are experiencing the same difficulties and inequalities as she is, those who have experienced alienation because of the native language they speak.

      okay: good

    7. The genre being portrayed could be associated with two different ideas,

      Can you phrase this more directly? You could just say, Anzaldua employs several genres: essay, autobiography, poetry.

    8. “For a people who are neither Spanish nor live in a country in which Spanish is the first language; for a people who live in a country in which English is the reigning tongue but who are not Anglo; for a people who cannot entirely identify with either standard (formal, Castilian) Spanish nor standard English, what recourse is left to them but to create their own language?” (p:35)

      This is a wonderful passage but can you linger with it, commenting on it further? You will need to introduce the quotation more smoothly as well.

    9. the struggles of both social and cultural difficulties and inequalities that Mexican immigrants face when living in the United States.

      Can you rephrase for clarity and precision? Remember that Anzaldua is an American, right?

    10. intending to do in their writing, whether that’s to, inform, persuade, entertain, or simply explain his or her ideas to the reader.

      good

    11. Keeping your audience in mind while you write can help you make good decisions about what material to include, how to organize your ideas, and how best to support your argument.

      absolutely: good points, all