Ersetze mit "wie"

Würde ich wegen Dopplung im folgenden Satz hier streichen

Komma fehlt: "modellieren, prägt"

Ersetzen mit "also"

In a version similar to a footnote, a line and a dot were first used much as we use the carot symbol (^) today for editing to indicate the insertion of a missing line.

Teaching writing...

This is an untested statement and does not take into account the perspectives of those contributing to the publishers' revenue. The Rights Retention Strategy (RRS) relies on the author's accepted manuscript (AAM) and for an AAM to exist and to have the added value from peer-review a Version of Record (VoR) must exist. Libraries recognise this fundamental principle and continue to subscribe to individual journals of merit and support lucrative deals with publishers. From some (not all) librarians' and possibly funders' perspectives these statements could undermine any mutual respect.

I'd like to strike a blow for line editing. From Peter Ginna's brilliant What Editors Do:

A line edit dials down to the paragraph/sentence/word level. As we said, it’s usually a much more expensive job than a developmental edit. A line editor will go through the pages of your book with a fine-toothed comb, looking for dialogue that feels awkward, sentences that don’t quite work, repetition, and more. Obviously this happens when the bulk of the work in terms of plot, character, beginnings, middles, and ends is done. It’s not that a line edit can’t address the bigger picture. But in most publishing houses an editor simply won’t do a line edit until the bigger issues are addressed, so as not to have to do the same work twice. It’s smart to stick with that order in self-publishing too. Line edits may or may not come with an editorial letter. But be sure that the fee includes time for you to meet in person or talk on the phone once you’ve had a chance to digest the edits. Often the same person could do both a developmental edit and line edit, if that’s what you decide to pay for, but you will also need a copyeditor. Copyeditors are the grammarians, the fact-checkers, the formatting gurus, the identifiers of repetitive words and phrases. They are the ones who make a book as smooth as a fresh jar of Skippy. The one instance where you might not need a separate copyeditor is if you hire someone to do a line edit who does a copyedit simultaneously. Some people have both skills and can pull this off, though it’s rare.

Not clear what this means?

This part isn't clear to me; I felt a little confused.

Two questions to help clarify the meaning (briefly) :

1. What sorts of choices?
2. How are they progressing?

If, by adding one or two words (or very short phrases), you can specify those two things (or both in the same shot), I think that would improve the readability for me dramatically.

I would love a source article (or video) linked here, for me to read/watch -- sounds very amusing!!

I felt a little (slightly) uncomfortable reading this -- my brain evaluates it as a bit snarky or know-it-all-ish.

I think I would take it more sincerely, and feel more... deep appreciation, and gratitude & resonance for the message, if the word "hint" were removed (or it were otherwise rephrased or reframed).

While I (as a reader who likes to think of himself as intelligent and well-informed, as I think many of us do) know that recycling isn't the answer..., it's not clear to me whether the writer (and I read, think of, and receive this article as an anonymous / arbitrary speaker; not as you, Aaron, personally) knows & trust that me, his audience, knows this.

So having some sense the person directing their message at me /trusts/ me to some degree is really important for me to feel resonance with, and trust and confidence in, the article.

[this annotation is actually for the above green bar, stating: "The Oil Industry Is Certainly Willing to 'Win Ugly'"]

It was not clear to me that that green bar with text contained a link -- I only discovered it by accident, when I moused-over it, and noticed the cursor changed to a hand. I'm not sure how to make this more apparent -- maybe add "(article here: {URL})" or somesuch?

re: The photo on the right: (Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to highlight the picture, so I'm adding the annotation here.)

I think it would be useful to add a caption (below the photo, in small / italic) describing what the photo is (e.g., "Dr. Frank Mitloehner, on his farm in...")

ouch.

Reading this at the beginning, I felt a bit like I was being hit over the head with a bludgeon (not in a good way).

My reaction: "He's attacking me! Why is he targeting me? I'm even on the same side as him!"

Since I'm assuming (hoping?) your target audience is folks who already are confident that human industrialization has caused climate change...

.... consider moving this caption to after the introductory paragraph (so I, reading this, know that you're not attacking nor targeting me as a reader -- but rather, I think your point is, talking about those other people who are part of the challenge that we (as readers, in this together) are facing).

Does that any sense?

Another possibility:

Consider adding a header before this paragraph, along the lines of: "The Psychology of Climate Change" [optionally add: "in the US / America," if you like]

That will give folks some heads-up as to where the next bit is coming from; prepares the audience a bit.

[see also thoughts in previous annotation on "both"]

I like the first part -- "I welcome you to join me in this exploration."

Reading the latter, it seems to me somewhat prescriptive (what I should do), which I think is less effective (doesn't meet my need for autonomy / self-determination).

One possibility, which (for me) would read very well and nicely, is to eliminate the rest of the sentence altogether (principle of "less is more").

Another possibility: I'm wondering how this can be rephrased or reframed, such that it is truly an unattached invitation, rather than (how it seems to me) a moral recommendation.

Consider removing the underline on "both." I think this may read better (and possibly be more influential) without it -- my sense is that with the underline, I receive it as more prescriptive (what one should do), whereas without, I imagine it would feel less prescriptive & more descriptive (making an observation, not recommending action). .... Side note: Dale Carnegie's research seems to indicate, "Let people think it's their idea" (when choosing an action or decision) is a more effective approach in 'conversion.'

My thoughts: This seems a little out-of-the-blue. Two points: One, the transition for me as a reader was (slightly) abrupt; and two, my inner skeptic says, "Really? You just suddenly woke up one day and realized this?" It begs the question of "How did this occur to you?", and leaves a little to be desired (for me at least). Some context, e.g. hearing friends/community talk about this, learning more, etc., may be of use for the reader here. I'm wondering whether telling a (brief) story or anecdote (maybe 1 to 3 paragraphs?) about how this occurred to you in the first place (or whether you'd thought about it for a while, etc.), may be worthwhile.

1) TYPO: 'it was to early to tell.': change the first instance of 'to' -> 'too'

It will then read: 'it was too early to tell.'

2) Given the close proximity of two instances of 'too' (the first being the last word in the speaker's quotation, the second being our now-corrected typo)... consider replacing one of those instances with some other equivalent.

The first instance would be easier, but less casual-sounding, to replace; options include:

• 'also'
• 'as well'

The second instance would be a bit trickier; options include:

• '{As of this writing | At press time}, that's still an open question.'
• ', it was yet unclear.'
• ', it was yet unclear what the outcome would be.'
• ', it wasn't yet clear.'

.... This said, my immediate thought is that 'it was too early to tell' is an open, receptive/neutral, and -- importantly -- potentially optimistic phrasing. I.e., "We don't know yet! The future could hold anything!"

That's a much more optimistic outlook, compared to terms like 'unclear' -- that seems murky and potentially doubtful to my mind.

So I like the way you phrased it initially.

Strictly speaking, semi-colons are only used to separate clauses which could, on their own (as they stand), each be a grammatically complete sentence. The test? [You'll notice that last remark wasn't a grammatically complete sentence, by the way.]

Replace the semi-colon with a period; see if it works.

Replace the semi-colon with a period. See if it works.

"A challenge" isn't a grammatically complete sentence. Of course, stylistic licenses are sometimes taken to defy the rule of "every clause between two periods must be a complete sentence."

In this case, though, I'd suggest:

• adding a repetition of "it is" after the semi-colon (to make it complete-sentence-worthy): 'It is a question; it is a challenge.', OR
• replacing the semi-colon and substituting a colon in its place. (This also has the advantage, in my mind, of making it a 'stronger' statement: throwing down a challenge.): 'It is a question: a challenge.', OR
• both: 'It is a question: it is a challenge.'

Either or both should work. (Personally, I like the second option best: 'It is a question: a challenge.' ) That said, if you prefer it the way it is for style, go for it. It just stuck out in my mind, but I am a fiend for proper (or obsessive) semi-colon usage.

OK, all the other boxes at the bottom work great, e.g. 'CULTURE PAGE 2'.

Here, however... my brain immediately read this as "NEWS-PAGE" rather than "News. Comma (or colon). Page 2." I think this is because words like "newspaper" are common in our vocabulary. (Is "newspage" a common term?)

Options:

• insert a comma after 'NEWS' and/or
• change 'PAGE' to lower-case (but then be sure to do this for all boxes).

Personally, I like the first option at a minimum, and maybe or maybe not combined with the second option.

Consider replacing this with: 'Each volunteer seems to have had a different'

I'm concerned about shift in (temporal) tense here.

To me, the use of that tense seems to flow better with the temporal-tense of starting-in-recent-past and continuing-into-the-present. (I.e., that this movement is still occurring: in particular, that folks' reasons-cited are still active and are shaping their work and actions, rather than simply being in the past.... But it's your call, and a stylistic concern slightly more than a strictly grammatical one...)

My concern is primarily a reader or "user-interface" note: Folks may be confused by the use of the '@' symbol. (I've seen people attempt to put them into website URLs where they shouldn't be.)

In addition, since top-level domains (e.g. '.news') are relatively new -- AND given the odd type-face / all-caps font, plus or minus other factors -- I'm concerned about the greenest 'joe schmoe' user reading this, and not realizing either that it's a website address, or at least where it starts and ends.

I may be over-simplifying it for the major of users; that said, you may wish to consider either or both of:

• removing the '@' symbol
• adding a colon

So it could look like any of:

• 'RSVP at:'
• 'RSVP by going to:' (again with a colon)
• 'Commit here:'

In the URL, also consider:

• prefixing http://

AND/OR:

• lower-casing at least the first T (in Tomorrow), OR changing the entire URL to a different font-type (although I'm unsure which to recommend, here)

OK, all the other boxes at the bottom work great, e.g. 'CULTURE PAGE 2'.

Here, however... my brain immediately read this as "NEWS-PAGE" rather than "News. Comma (or colon). Page 2." I think this is because words like "newspaper" are common in our vocabulary. (Is "newspage" a common term?)

Options:

• insert a comma after 'NEWS' and/or
• change 'PAGE' to lower-case (but then be sure to do this for all boxes).

Personally, I like the first option at a minimum, and optionally combined with the second option.

consider revising:

• one possibility: 'to generate independent media, documenting and sharing everything online as rapidly and widely as possible.' (There are other ways of doing so -- I'm not sure what the best approach is, here....)

Given the slight shift here:

"The point is accepting the challenge. It’s about tackling an impossi-ble goal and pushing ourselves to get better at it."

.... I'd love to see the period replaced with a colon, because the flow of observations/evidence-statements being made has now shifted to a conclusion being stated.

Purely a judgment call; my personal opinion is that it would read better this way: "There is no right answer. Anyone can participate just by doing or cre-ating something, and then shar-ing what they learn. The right answer for one community might not be the right answer for another community. The point is accepting the challenge: It’s about tackling an impossi-ble goal and pushing ourselves to get better at it."