4,703 Matching Annotations
  1. Jan 2018
    1. You are experienced as a web annotator, eh?

      Greetings wise, experience annotator, sort of like a wizard, eh? How experienced would you say you are in using this tool? What advice would you/will you give to others?

      (one might me to add the netnarr tag below, right?)

    1. Enter the world of digital annotation

      Well, you are here. You are in the world. You can annotate any thing you select on this web page, or you can reply to someone else's.

      Always try to remember to add the netnarr tag below so we can group all annotations across all the digital alchemists.

      Is this not like magic? Speaking of which, you can add web links and images, even animated gifs

    1. There are three ways to provide alternative text descriptions for images: Describe the image in the alt tag. Describe the image in the surrounding text. Create and link to a long description of the image.

      Just wanted to say NICE JOB re: how you've amended this section & fleshed these details out

    1. Low-cost iPad - Early 2018? In 2017, Apple introduced a new 5th-generation 9.7-inch iPad with the lowest price we've seen yet - $329 for the 32GB model. Though not as thin as the iPad Pro, and missing features like Apple Pencil support and ProMotion display technology, the iPad has an A9 processor and is a capable, powerful device. Rumors suggest Apple could introduce an even lower-cost iPad in 2018, with a price tag that starts at $259. That would allow Apple to better compete in the lower cost tablet market. This rumor comes from DigiTimes, though, a source that's not always entirely reliable, so it's not yet clear if Apple does indeed have an even more affordable iPad in the works. If there is a new iPad coming, it could be introduced in early 2018, a year after the March 2018 debut of the fifth-generation iPad.

      Maybe a low-cost iPad will be coming in early 2018

    1. Mathematics of Motion

      This page can be annotated. If you have a question on something, select the confusing text, and click "Add Annotation," write your comment, and add the tag "110HS18." You will need to create an account with hypothes.is to add annotations.

  2. Dec 2017
    1. git add Rakefile

      Are we supposed to change directories? These commands do nothing. git hist shows no trail: $ git hist --all

      • a97b670 2017-12-11 | Hello uses Greeter (HEAD -> greet) [juancarlucci]
      • 6dc342b 2017-12-11 | Added greeter class [juancarlucci]
      • 71a5655 2017-12-11 | Added a Rakefile. (master) [juancarlucci]
      • 73848f6 2017-12-11 | Moved hello.rb to lib [juancarlucci]
      • 00f9e39 2017-12-11 | Add an author/email comment [juancarlucci]
      • b4b43ef 2017-12-11 | Added a comment (tag: Ver1) [juancarlucci]
      • 87ed367 2017-12-11 | Add a default value (tag: v1-beta) [juancarlucci]
      • d8bf589 2017-12-11 | Using ARGV [juancarlucci]
      • 3deeb33 2017-12-11 | First Commit (tag: v1) [juancarlucci]
  3. Nov 2017
    1. “Last year, after the French government objected to the hash tag “#unbonjuif” — intended to inspire hateful riffs on the theme “a good Jew ...” — Twitter blocked a handful of the resulting tweets in France, but only because they violated French law. Within days, the bulk of the tweets carrying the hashtag had turned from anti-Semitic to denunciations of anti-Semitism, confirming that the Twittersphere is perfectly capable of dealing with hate speech on its own, without heavy-handed intervention.”

      Second piece of evidence: This piece of evidence gives an example of how a well known social media site was able to handle hate speech in productive way. With handling hate speech the way they did, twitter was able to prove that they were able to handle hate speech on their own without being told or forced to

    1. James Bay Agreement

      James Bay lies at the Southernmost tip of the Hudson Bay, bordering both Ontario and Quebec. James Bay was, and still is, the home of many aboriginal communities. Some of these include the Kashechewan, Inuit, and several different communities affiliated with the Cree. James Bay was one of the first occupied areas of Canada, due to its high population of Indigenous people. It is such a popular settlement because of its thriving ecosystem. However, “life in this territory is difficult - the land and waters are frozen for two thirds of year.”1 The Bay is the ending point for thousands of lakes and streams and large rivers such as the St. Lawrence. The James Bay/Hudson Bay watershed recycles one-sixth1 of the world’s fresh water. In 1971, the plans were announced by Hydro-Quebec and the Quebec Government to construct a system of hydroelectric dams. This $5.6 billion3 project would result in destruction of huge amounts of the environment surrounding James Bay. There was immediate outrage by not only the environmentalists, but more importantly the Indigenous people who have called James Bay home for thousands of years. They feared the destruction of their communities. The outrage only grew when word got out that the dams would result in the flooding of over 10,000 square km of land. The Cree has spent 4000-6000 years in this rugged terrain, in which “a complex set of skills were honed to negotiate the particular demands of each season.1 They had spent so long adapting to this way of life, so they had no intent of starting over somewhere else. However, this was also the basis of argument used against the Cree.<br> Claude Peloquin and Fikret Berkes explained that “human groups who interact closely with their environment -- indigenous resource users, hunters, fishers, farmers, and others -- often develop knowledge and practices that are pragmatically adaptive to shifts and changes in the environment.”2 People who were in favor of the project would use this to argue that the Cree and the Inuit were so closely inept with their environment that they should be able to thrive in any environment. Also, they would argue that if they were able to survive for so long in an environment as difficult and complex as the James Bay, then they should have no problem anywhere else. However, the problem was not that the indigenous people were worried that they could not survive anywhere else. The indigenous people themselves knew as well as anyone else that they would have no problem adapting to a new environment, but that was not the point. The point was that they have called this place home for such a long time, so why should they have to pack up and move just because some white people want to make money. After four years of negotiating and fighting for what they believed in, the two sides were finally able to settle. The indigenous people insisted on gaining more control over local governments, a school and health system created just for their own settlements, and a judicial system to protect the people and the environment. They were even able to get Hydro-Quebec to move the site of their first damn, sign an agreement limiting the allowable change of water levels, and a “remedial works system for social and environmental damages.”1 Most importantly, Hydro-Quebec agreed to compensate the indigenous groups affected with immense amounts of money. When all was said and done the Cree and Inuit were paid $225 million over 20 years and the Naskapi received $9 million. Despite the immense payoff, many indigenous people were still unhappy with the deal because they felt that there could be no price tag put on nature. Also, the James Bay Agreement happened two years before Thomas Berger wrote his report. It could be argued that this agreement set a precedent for Berger. By seeing that the natives could simply be paid off, it could have given him the false idea that there really is nothing wrong with taking their land.

      Mouth of Attawapiskat River, James Bay Coast, Ontario. 2002.

      1Hornig, James F. Social and Environmental Impacts of the James Bay Hydroelectric Project. McGill-Queens University Press, 1999. Page 26.

      2Peloquin, Claude, and Fikret Berkes. "Local Knowledge, Subsistence Harvests, and Social–Ecological Complexity in James Bay." Human Ecology37, no. 5 (2009): 533-45. doi:10.1007/s10745-009-9255-0.

      3Salisbury, R. A Homeland for the Cree Regional Development in James Bay, 1971-1981. Montreal: McGill-Queens University Press, 2014. January 12, 1986. Accessed November 25, 2017. Page 3, 17.

    1. It is at that age of aptness, docility & emulation of the practices of manhood, that such things are soonest learnt, and longest remembered. The use of tools too in the manual arts is worthy of encouragement, by facilitating, to such as choose it, an admission into the neighbouring workshops. To these should be added the arts, which embellish life, dancing music & drawing; the last more especially, as an important part of military education.

      The importance of military education is quite emphasized in the highlighted portions of the text. To claim that the age for an individual to enter college is the age of "aptness, docility, and emulation of the practices of manhood" is used to further support their belief in the importance of implementing military education into the college's curriculum. The writers also encourages the facilitation and implementation of "tools" into the courses, but does not go into depth as to what the tools are. Nevertheless, the writer of the document again uses his claim on the importance of implementing tools to support his original claim regarding the importance of teaching military education. The state of the militia proposed that "every able-bodied freeman, between the ages of 16 and 50, is [to be] enrolled in the militia" in 1780 and 1781. Though it is merely an assumption, it is believed that the writers of the document strongly suggested the insertion of military education because of how beneficial it could be for students to learn and prepare for the state of the militia as they claim that "such things are soonest learnt, and longest remembered."

      -Ardean Kim

      http://web.archive.org/web/20110221131205/http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=JefVirg.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=9&division=div1

    1. each dormitory about $350

      The cost for each dormitory is $350. While reading this, I am confused if this number refers to the cost per student for room and board, or if it is simply the cost to construct each dormitory. (If anybody can clarify that, it would be much appreciated!) But either way, I found this handy website that converts 1817 money to its equivalent in 2017 money. Apparently, $350 back then would be about $6,129.02 nowadays. If this is the price of room and board, then it's actually incredibly consistent. According to UVa's website, our housing expense is $6,270. So if this $350 price tag is truly for room and board, then I find the consistency really astounding!

    1. (Gavery and Roberts 2010, 2012; Suárez-Ulloa et al. 2015).

      Recent research on mollusc DNA has found that they do use methylation systems to regulate their expression. This was determined by using bisulfate PCR. The bisulfate creates a tag on a methylated amino acid in the protein sequence, and PCR is a way to generate many different copies of a single strand of DNA. Using different mapping techniques the locations of methyl group were determined. A methyl group added to a DNA structure serves to wrap the DNA tighter around the histone in order to block transcription. AT

    1. iPad iPad Pro ($650) — Best Buy is the king of the iPad Pro deals, marking the 10.5-inch version down to $525 on Black Friday. Target isn't far behind, however; it's selling the device for $530. Finally, you can get $150 off any iPad model from T-Mobile if you purchase a 6GB or higher cellular plan with a leasing agreement.   iPad ($330) — iPad deals are numerous this holiday season, but Walmart edges out its competitors with a $249 price tag on the iPad 5th Generation. Target and Best Buy are both charging just $0.99 more. If you're feeling nostalgic, check out Groupon's markdowns of the iPad 3 (to $160 from $400) and iPad 4 (to $200 from $500), and Newegg's sales on the refurbished iPad 4 ($150). And you can get $100 off an iPad (or any tablet) from Sprint, if you purchase an unlimited data plan.  iPad Mini 4 ($400) — Best Buy's price of $275 is insane, and can't be beaten. T-Mobile's offer also applies to the iPad Mini 4. 

      iPad deals for Black Friday 2017

    1. We purposefully put the larger tags in larger sharks because of concerns that small sharks might be adversely affected by the V16 transmitters. As a result, the 14 V9 tagged sharks were smaller than the 20 V16 tagged sharks

      Tag size was an important consideration when it came to the assigning of a tag size and type to a specific shark. Smaller sharks were placed with smaller tags because the size and density of the tag could have affected the health of the overall infantile or smaller shark that it was paced in. This measure ensured that results and data for the experiment were viable and the the loves of the sharks were also accounted for and their safety ensured in that area of the study. -Sindy

    1. Most Physical and Occupational Therapy students currently build programs through #PlymouthIDS, as do Pre-Med students.

      This is such an attractive component to IDS. While the price tag for learning shouldn't matter, expense I would say is one of the top concerns for students, especially when they are planning to or considering graduate studies. For students on a pre-med, pre-pt, pre-ot, etc. track, IDS allows for a quick, not too expensive, and SMART route for obtaining a well-rounded degree while simultaneously completing all requisite courses prior to applying for grad school. My sister was an Environmental Studies major with a minor in Education who is now pursuing OT school, but has had to complete at least 10 courses before being eligible to apply. IDS would have fit her perfectly.

    1. If you want to access all annotations on a specific URL, you can do that using `uri:<URL>` terms in the search box at https://hypothes.is/search. You can also use `group:<name>` and `tag:<name>` filters here. There isn't currently a convenient way to search for all annotations in a particular domain (say "bbc.co.uk" or something like that), and we know that functionality is important for a number of use cases.
    1. Eα−α1α2r6(11.4.1)(11.4.1)Eα−α1α2r6 E\: \alpha \: \dfrac{-\alpha_1\alpha_2}{r^6} \tag{11.4.1} Dipole Induced - Dipole: The Intermolecular forces between a polar and non-polar molecule.

      Will these formulas be given to us on the exam

    1. „Tag“

      W. "1 Tag" (statt "ein Tag"): Vv. 3-5 berichten von der Schöpfung der zeitlichen Ordnung, nicht von der Schöpfung der Helligkeit. Funktion der Formel "Es wurde Abend usw." ist hier also nicht nur, davon zu berichten, dass der erste Schöpfungsabschnitt nun abgelaufen ist, sondern ineins damit wird vorgeführt, wie Gott die zeitliche Ordnung ins Sein setzt. Nach der Unterscheidung von Hellem und Finsterem, von Tag und Nacht, muss es 1x Abend und 1x Morgen werden, dann ist die Zeitspanne von "1 Tag" vergangen. Vv. 6ff. berichten dann von der Einsetzung des Raumes.

      Vgl. dazu Sasson 1992, S. 191; Steinmann 2002, S. 583f. u.a.


    2. etwas Helles!

      Mit "dem Hellen" ist wahrscheinlich nicht die "Helligkeit" gemeint (da die Lichtspender ja erst in Vv. 14-19 geschaffen werden), sondern der Tag als Einheit zur Zeitrechnung: Wie im restlichen Kapitel ruft Gott zuerst etwas nur abstrakt Bezeichnetes ins Sein und gibt dem dann einen Namen (z.B. "etwas Schalenförmiges" in Vv. 6-8 für den "Himmel", "Trockenes" in Vv. 9f. für "Erde" usw.; vgl. gut Good 2009, S. 12).


      • Good, Edwin M.: Genesis 1-11. Tales of the Earliest World. A New Translation and Essays. Stanford, 2009.
    3. Nicht und Nichts: Nur Dunkelheit war auf der Meerestiefe

      Die Vorstellung einer Welt, die uranfangs im Dunkeln liegt und von Wasser bedeckt ist, ist im ganzen Alten Orient verbreitet:

      Bibel

      Ps 104,6-8:

      *6 Mit der Tiefe deckst du [die Erde] wie mit einem Kleide, / und Wasser standen über den Bergen. 7 Aber vor deinem Schelten flohen sie, / vor deinem Donner fuhren sie dahin. 8 Die Berge gingen hoch hervor, / und die Täler setzten sich herunter zum Ort, / den du ihnen gegründet hast.*


      Ägyptisch

      Die Weltschöpfung in der Esna-Tradition:

      Der Vater der Väter, die Mutter der Mütter, die uranfängliche Wesenheit, die am Anbeginn der Zeit entstand, war nun körperlich in Erscheinung getreten, als sie sich (noch) inmitten des Urgewässers befand, während die Erde (noch) in Finsternis lag, der Tag (noch) in Dunkelheit gehüllt war, bevor (noch) die Erde (aus dem Urgewässer) hervorgetreten war und bevor es Vegetation gab. (Üs.: TUAT III/5, S. 1079)

      Sargtext 80 [Die Rede ist von der Schöpfung der acht Götter, die dem Gott Schu bei der Schöpfung helfen]:

      Oh, ihr acht Unendlichen - unendliche Zahl Unendlicher! - / die ihr den Himmel mit euren Armen umfasst, / die ihr zusammenzieht Himmel und Horizont Gebs! / Schu gab euch Geburt / aus der Flut, aus den Wassern, / aus der Verlorenheit, aus der Dunkelheit... (Üs. nach COS 1.8)


      Babylonisch

      Enuma Elisch:

      Als oben der Himmel noch nicht existierte / und unten die Erde noch nicht entstanden war - / gab es Apsu, den ersten, ihren Erzeuger, / und Schöpferin Tiamat, die sie alle gebar; / sie hatten ihre Wasser miteinander vermischt, / ehe sich Weideland verband und Röhricht zu finden war... (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 569)


      Hethitisch:

      Telipinu und die Tochter des Meeres:

      Früher, als das große M[eer der Alleinherrscher war - als aber] Himmel, Erde (und) Menschhe[it geschaffen wurden,] (da) wurde es streitsüchtig und holte [den Sonnengott des Himmels] herunter und [hielt] ihn [versteckt]. Dies [hatte] im Lande schlimme [Folgen], (da) Dunkelheit hereinbrach. Das Me[er tobte], (und) niemand konnte ihm widerstehen. (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 811)


      Sumerisch

      Kosmogonie aus Nibru

      An, der Herr, erhellte den Himmel, die Erde war dunkel, / in die Unterwelt wurde nicht geschaut, / aus der Tiefe wurde noch kein Wasser geschöpft, / nichts wurde geschaffen... (Üs.: TUAT III/3, S. 353)

    1. Nicht und Nichts: Nur Dunkelheit war auf der Meerestiefe

      Die Vorstellung einer Welt, die uranfangs im Dunkeln liegt und von Wasser bedeckt ist, ist im ganzen Alten Orient verbreitet:

      Bibel

      Ps 104,6-8:

      *6 Mit der Tiefe deckst du [die Erde] wie mit einem Kleide, / und Wasser standen über den Bergen. 7 Aber vor deinem Schelten flohen sie, / vor deinem Donner fuhren sie dahin. 8 Die Berge gingen hoch hervor, / und die Täler setzten sich herunter zum Ort, / den du ihnen gegründet hast.*


      Ägyptisch

      Die Weltschöpfung in der Esna-Tradition:

      Der Vater der Väter, die Mutter der Mütter, die uranfängliche Wesenheit, die am Anbeginn der Zeit entstand, war nun körperlich in Erscheinung getreten, als sie sich (noch) inmitten des Urgewässers befand, während die Erde (noch) in Finsternis lag, der Tag (noch) in Dunkelheit gehüllt war, bevor (noch) die Erde (aus dem Urgewässer) hervorgetreten war und bevor es Vegetation gab. (Üs.: TUAT III/5, S. 1079)

      Sargtext 80 [Die Rede ist von der Schöpfung der acht Götter, die dem Gott Schu bei der Schöpfung helfen]:

      Oh, ihr acht Unendlichen - unendliche Zahl Unendlicher! - / die ihr den Himmel mit euren Armen umfasst, / die ihr zusammenzieht Himmel und Horizont Gebs! / Schu gab euch Geburt / aus der Flut, aus den Wassern, / aus der Verlorenheit, aus der Dunkelheit... (Üs. nach COS 1.8)


      Babylonisch

      Enuma Elisch:

      Als oben der Himmel noch nicht existierte / und unten die Erde noch nicht entstanden war - / gab es Apsu, den ersten, ihren Erzeuger, / und Schöpferin Tiamat, die sie alle gebar; / sie hatten ihre Wasser miteinander vermischt, / ehe sich Weideland verband und Röhricht zu finden war... (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 569)


      Hethitisch:

      Telipinu und die Tochter des Meeres:

      Früher, als das große M[eer der Alleinherrscher war - als aber] Himmel, Erde (und) Menschhe[it geschaffen wurden,] (da) wurde es streitsüchtig und holte [den Sonnengott des Himmels] herunter und [hielt] ihn [versteckt]. Dies [hatte] im Lande schlimme [Folgen], (da) Dunkelheit hereinbrach. Das Me[er tobte], (und) niemand konnte ihm widerstehen. (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 811)


      Sumerisch

      Kosmogonie aus Nibru

      An, der Herr, erhellte den Himmel, die Erde war dunkel, / in die Unterwelt wurde nicht geschaut, / aus der Tiefe wurde noch kein Wasser geschöpft, / nichts wurde geschaffen... (Üs.: TUAT III/3, S. 353)

    2. etwas Helles

      Mit "dem Hellen" ist wahrscheinlich nicht die "Helligkeit" gemeint (da die Lichtspender ja erst in Vv. 14-19 geschaffen werden), sondern der Tag als Einheit zur Zeitrechnung: Wie im restlichen Kapitel ruft Gott zuerst etwas nur abstrakt Bezeichnetes ins Sein und gibt dem dann einen Namen (z.B. "etwas Schalenförmiges" in Vv. 6-8 für den "Himmel", "Trockenes" in Vv. 9f. für "Erde" usw.; vgl. gut Good 2009, S. 12).


      • Good, Edwin M.: Genesis 1-11. Tales of the Earliest World. A New Translation and Essays. Stanford, 2009.
    3. „Tag“

      W. "1 Tag" (statt "ein Tag"): Vv. 3-5 berichten von der Schöpfung der zeitlichen Ordnung, nicht von der Schöpfung der Helligkeit. Funktion der Formel "Es wurde Abend usw." ist hier also nicht nur, davon zu berichten, dass der erste Schöpfungsabschnitt nun abgelaufen ist, sondern ineins damit wird vorgeführt, wie Gott die zeitliche Ordnung ins Sein setzt. Nach der Unterscheidung von Hellem und Finsterem, von Tag und Nacht, muss es 1x Abend und 1x Morgen werden, dann ist die Zeitspanne von "1 Tag" vergangen. Vv. 6ff. berichten dann von der Einsetzung des Raumes.

      Vgl. dazu Sasson 1992, S. 191; Steinmann 2002, S. 583f. u.a.


    1. „Tag“

      W. "1 Tag" (statt "ein Tag"): Vv. 3-5 berichten von der Schöpfung der zeitlichen Ordnung, nicht von der Schöpfung der Helligkeit. Funktion der Formel "Es wurde Abend usw." ist hier also nicht nur, davon zu berichten, dass der erste Schöpfungsabschnitt nun abgelaufen ist, sondern ineins damit wird vorgeführt, wie Gott die zeitliche Ordnung ins Sein setzt. Nach der Unterscheidung von Hellem und Finsterem, von Tag und Nacht, muss es 1x Abend und 1x Morgen werden, dann ist die Zeitspanne von "1 Tag" vergangen. Vv. 6ff. berichten dann von der Einsetzung des Raumes.

      Vgl. dazu Sasson 1992, S. 191; Steinmann 2002, S. 583f. u.a.


    2. etwas Helles!

      Mit "dem Hellen" ist wahrscheinlich nicht die "Helligkeit" gemeint (da die Lichtspender ja erst in Vv. 14-19 geschaffen werden), sondern der Tag als Einheit zur Zeitrechnung: Wie im restlichen Kapitel ruft Gott zuerst etwas nur abstrakt Bezeichnetes ins Sein und gibt dem dann einen Namen (z.B. "etwas Schalenförmiges" in Vv. 6-8 für den "Himmel", "Trockenes" in Vv. 9f. für "Erde" usw.; vgl. gut Good 2009, S. 12).


      • Good, Edwin M.: Genesis 1-11. Tales of the Earliest World. A New Translation and Essays. Stanford, 2009.
    3. Nicht und Nichts: Nur Dunkelheit war auf der Meerestiefe.

      Die Vorstellung einer Welt, die uranfangs im Dunkeln liegt und von Wasser bedeckt ist, ist im ganzen Alten Orient verbreitet:

      Bibel

      Ps 104,6-8:

      *6 Mit der Tiefe deckst du [die Erde] wie mit einem Kleide, / und Wasser standen über den Bergen. 7 Aber vor deinem Schelten flohen sie, / vor deinem Donner fuhren sie dahin. 8 Die Berge gingen hoch hervor, / und die Täler setzten sich herunter zum Ort, / den du ihnen gegründet hast.*


      Ägyptisch

      Die Weltschöpfung in der Esna-Tradition:

      Der Vater der Väter, die Mutter der Mütter, die uranfängliche Wesenheit, die am Anbeginn der Zeit entstand, war nun körperlich in Erscheinung getreten, als sie sich (noch) inmitten des Urgewässers befand, während die Erde (noch) in Finsternis lag, der Tag (noch) in Dunkelheit gehüllt war, bevor (noch) die Erde (aus dem Urgewässer) hervorgetreten war und bevor es Vegetation gab. (Üs.: TUAT III/5, S. 1079)

      Sargtext 80 [Die Rede ist von der Schöpfung der acht Götter, die dem Gott Schu bei der Schöpfung helfen]:

      Oh, ihr acht Unendlichen - unendliche Zahl Unendlicher! - / die ihr den Himmel mit euren Armen umfasst, / die ihr zusammenzieht Himmel und Horizont Gebs! / Schu gab euch Geburt / aus der Flut, aus den Wassern, / aus der Verlorenheit, aus der Dunkelheit... (Üs. nach COS 1.8)


      Babylonisch

      Enuma Elisch:

      Als oben der Himmel noch nicht existierte / und unten die Erde noch nicht entstanden war - / gab es Apsu, den ersten, ihren Erzeuger, / und Schöpferin Tiamat, die sie alle gebar; / sie hatten ihre Wasser miteinander vermischt, / ehe sich Weideland verband und Röhricht zu finden war... (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 569)


      Hethitisch:

      Telipinu und die Tochter des Meeres:

      Früher, als das große M[eer der Alleinherrscher war - als aber] Himmel, Erde (und) Menschhe[it geschaffen wurden,] (da) wurde es streitsüchtig und holte [den Sonnengott des Himmels] herunter und [hielt] ihn [versteckt]. Dies [hatte] im Lande schlimme [Folgen], (da) Dunkelheit hereinbrach. Das Me[er tobte], (und) niemand konnte ihm widerstehen. (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 811)


      Sumerisch

      Kosmogonie aus Nibru

      An, der Herr, erhellte den Himmel, die Erde war dunkel, / in die Unterwelt wurde nicht geschaut, / aus der Tiefe wurde noch kein Wasser geschöpft, / nichts wurde geschaffen... (Üs.: TUAT III/3, S. 353)

    1. Nicht und Nichts: Nur Dunkelheit war auf der Meerestiefe.

      Die Vorstellung einer Welt, die uranfangs im Dunkeln liegt und von Wasser bedeckt ist, ist im ganzen Alten Orient verbreitet:

      Bibel

      Ps 104,6-8:

      *6 Mit der Tiefe deckst du [die Erde] wie mit einem Kleide, / und Wasser standen über den Bergen. 7 Aber vor deinem Schelten flohen sie, / vor deinem Donner fuhren sie dahin. 8 Die Berge gingen hoch hervor, / und die Täler setzten sich herunter zum Ort, / den du ihnen gegründet hast.*


      Ägyptisch

      Die Weltschöpfung in der Esna-Tradition:

      Der Vater der Väter, die Mutter der Mütter, die uranfängliche Wesenheit, die am Anbeginn der Zeit entstand, war nun körperlich in Erscheinung getreten, als sie sich (noch) inmitten des Urgewässers befand, während die Erde (noch) in Finsternis lag, der Tag (noch) in Dunkelheit gehüllt war, bevor (noch) die Erde (aus dem Urgewässer) hervorgetreten war und bevor es Vegetation gab. (Üs.: TUAT III/5, S. 1079)

      Sargtext 80 [Die Rede ist von der Schöpfung der acht Götter, die dem Gott Schu bei der Schöpfung helfen]:

      Oh, ihr acht Unendlichen - unendliche Zahl Unendlicher! - / die ihr den Himmel mit euren Armen umfasst, / die ihr zusammenzieht Himmel und Horizont Gebs! / Schu gab euch Geburt / aus der Flut, aus den Wassern, / aus der Verlorenheit, aus der Dunkelheit... (Üs. nach COS 1.8)


      Babylonisch

      Enuma Elisch:

      Als oben der Himmel noch nicht existierte / und unten die Erde noch nicht entstanden war - / gab es Apsu, den ersten, ihren Erzeuger, / und Schöpferin Tiamat, die sie alle gebar; / sie hatten ihre Wasser miteinander vermischt, / ehe sich Weideland verband und Röhricht zu finden war... (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 569)


      Hethitisch:

      Telipinu und die Tochter des Meeres:

      Früher, als das große M[eer der Alleinherrscher war - als aber] Himmel, Erde (und) Menschhe[it geschaffen wurden,] (da) wurde es streitsüchtig und holte [den Sonnengott des Himmels] herunter und [hielt] ihn [versteckt]. Dies [hatte] im Lande schlimme [Folgen], (da) Dunkelheit hereinbrach. Das Me[er tobte], (und) niemand konnte ihm widerstehen. (Üs.: TUAT III/4, S. 811)


      Sumerisch

      Kosmogonie aus Nibru

      An, der Herr, erhellte den Himmel, die Erde war dunkel, / in die Unterwelt wurde nicht geschaut, / aus der Tiefe wurde noch kein Wasser geschöpft, / nichts wurde geschaffen... (Üs.: TUAT III/3, S. 353)

    2. [2,1 Damit waren Himmel und Erde mit ihrem ganzen Heer vollendet. 2,2 Und also erklärte Gott am siebenten Tage seine Werke, die er gemacht hatte, als vollendet, und ruhte am siebenten Tage von allen seinen Werken, die er gemacht hatte. 2,3Und Gott segnete den siebenten Tag und heiligte ihn, weil er an demselben geruht hatte von allen seinen Werken, die er gemacht und geschafft hatte.]

      Eine alte jüd. Auslegungstradition: Das Wort für "ruhen" lässt sich auch mit "feiern" übersetzen. Anders als die anderen sechs Tage wird der siebte Tag nicht vollendet: Er dauert fort, und nach wie vor ist Gott am feiern und sollen auch wir dies tun.

    3. 24 Und Gott sprach: „Die Erde bringe verschiedenste Arten von lebendigen Tieren hervor: Verschiedenste Arten von Vieh, Kriecher und wilden Tieren.“Und es geschah so.25 Und Gott machte verschiedenste Arten von wilden Tieren, verschiedenste Arten von Vieh und all die verschiedenen Arten von Boden-kriechern.Und Gott sah, dass es gut war.26 Und Gott sprach: „Ich will Menschen machen als mir ähnlichen Stellvertreter! Sie sollen herrschen über die Fische im Meer und über die Vögel am Himmel und über das Vieh und über die ganze Erde und über alle Kriecher, die auf Erden kriechen.“27 Und Gott schuf den Menschen als seinen Stellvertreter, Zum Bilde Gottes schuf er ihn; Männlich und weiblich schuf er sie.28 Und Gott segnete sie. Er sprach zu ihnen: „Seid fruchtbar und mehrt euch und füllt die Erde und macht sie euch untertan und herrscht über die Fische im Meer und über die Vögel am Himmel und über alle Lebewesen, die auf Erden kriechen!“ 29 Und Gott sprach: „Hiermit gebe ich euch alles Samen tragende Getreide, das auf der Oberfläche der ganzen Erde ist, und alle Bäume, die in ihren Baumfrüchten Samen tragen, zu eurer Speise, 30 und allem Getier auf Erden und allen Vögeln am Himmel und allen Kriechern auf Erden, die Leben in sich haben, gebe ich alle Pflanzen zur Speise.“Und es geschah so.31 Und Gott sah, dass alles, was er gemacht hatte, sehr gut war.Es wurde Abend und es wurde Morgen: der sechste Tag.

      Eine schöne Eigentümlichkeit dieses Abschnitts ist sein Variationsreichtum und seine Betonung der Fünfzahl. Die "Kriecher" etwa - die Reptilien also - werden in fünf Versen mit fünf verschiedenen Bezeichnungen versehen:

      • V. 24: "Kriecher"
      • V. 25: "Alle Bodenkriecher"
      • V. 26: "Alle Kriecher, die auf Erden kriechen"
      • V. 28: "Alle Lebewesen, die auf Erden kriechen"
      • V. 30: "Alle Kriecher auf Erden, die Leben in sich haben".

      Ein anderes Beispiel ist die Reihenfolge der drei Landtierfamilien, die drei Mal in Folge variiert und im letzten Vers zum Fünfschritt erweitert wird:

      • V. 24: Vieh - Kriecher - wilde Tiere
      • V. 25: Wilde Tiere - Vieh - Kriecher
      • V. 26: [Fische - Vögel -] Vieh - wilde Tiere - Kriecher

      Dazu kommt allgemein die starke Häufung der Betonung der Vielfalt; das "verschiedenste Arten von..." etwa fällt fünf Mal allein in Vv. 24f.

      Ein Effekt dieser beiden Stileigentümlichkeiten ist sicher die Hervorhebung des Menschen unter allen Landtieren. So vieles Verschiedenes hat Gott geschaffen, und doch ragt unter den verschiedensten Arten von Schöpfungswesen an den ersten 5 Tagen jenes letzte des 6. Tages besonders hervor: Der Mensch, der Stellvertreter Gottes; die "Krone der Schöpfung", zu der ersten fünf Schöpfungstage hingeführt haben.

    4. der erste „Tag“

      W. "1 Tag" (statt "ein Tag"): Vv. 3-5 berichten von der Schöpfung der zeitlichen Ordnung, nicht von der Schöpfung der Helligkeit. Funktion der Formel "Es wurde Abend usw." ist hier also nicht nur, davon zu berichten, dass der erste Schöpfungsabschnitt nun abgelaufen ist, sondern ineins damit wird vorgeführt, wie Gott die zeitliche Ordnung ins Sein setzt. Nach der Unterscheidung von Hellem und Finsterem, von Tag und Nacht, muss es 1x Abend und 1x Morgen werden, dann ist die Zeitspanne von "1 Tag" vergangen. Vv. 6ff. berichten dann von der Einsetzung des Raumes.

      Vgl. dazu Sasson 1992, S. 191; Steinmann 2002, S. 583f. u.a.


    5. etwas Helles

      Mit "dem Hellen" ist wahrscheinlich nicht die "Helligkeit" gemeint (da die Lichtspender ja erst in Vv. 14-19 geschaffen werden), sondern der Tag als Einheit zur Zeitrechnung: Wie im restlichen Kapitel ruft Gott zuerst etwas nur abstrakt Bezeichnetes ins Sein und gibt dem dann einen Namen (z.B. "etwas Schalenförmiges" in Vv. 6-8 für den "Himmel", "Trockenes" in Vv. 9f. für "Erde" usw.; vgl. gut Good 2009, S. 12).


      • Good, Edwin M.: Genesis 1-11. Tales of the Earliest World. A New Translation and Essays. Stanford, 2009.
    1. Published in The Egoist, a literary periodical published monthly, the article was written by T.S. Eliot under a pseudonym.

      You probably don't have to go this deep, especially if you're looking tocut words

    2. The third and final era of Eliot’s poetry, highlighted by the publication of the Four Quartets in 1942

      I actually rather liked the structure you had where you started each paragraph with an era of Pound's poetry, and might recommend maintaining it. I would try to move this to the top of the paragraph; you can decide if you want to remove the information before or find a way to incorporate it into previous paragraphs

    3. This served as a way for Eliot to formalize his separation with his wife.

      You can tie this into the previous sentence to cut words

      " . . . to Harvard, which formalized his separation with his wife."

    4. The poem was also influenced by financial stresses, as well as Eliot’s studies in Sanskrit and Indian philosophy.

      This is an interesting side path, but you don't really go into what effects these influences had on his poetry. I would go deeper with this or cut it entirely.

    5. Pound called The Wasteland a work of genius and had a heavy hand in the many notable revisions to this poem.

      I would say the same thing: perhaps go deeper (give a quote from Pound, maybe) and explain this relationship more, or cut it to keep your length down.

    6. During this time, Eliot met Ezra Pound who became an advocate for Eliot’s poetry and subsequent publication.

      This detail is a little tangential and not expanded upon very much. If you're going to include it, I would delve into it further and detail their interactions, but otherwise I would cut it for brevity's sake.

    7. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock in 1911, The Wasteland in 1922, and Four Quartets in 1942.

      Titles in quotation marks; I'd say this for the other ones too, but will only mark it here to avoid cluttering up your page

    8. One of the most influential intellects of the 20th century

      This a bold claim that you could supplement with some details/evidence in order to persuade the reader that it's actually true:

      • How do we know he was influential? Perhaps a quote from a contemporary or critic would work well here
      • What did he influence (which movements, groups, etc.)?

      While you do establish some of these things later on in your paper, it'd be a stronger opening if you could immediately hook the reader and persuade them that Eliot matters. Admittedly, he is well-known enough that his name might speak for itself, but you don't want to rely on that; you want your writing to reflect it.

    1. Picabia died in 1953, in the same home he was born in Paris (“Francis Picabia: Biography”).

      If you have room, I would just suggest adding how/why he returned to Paris because the bio goes straight from his refuge in Spain to him dying in his Paris home. Something as simple as "Picabia eventually returned to his home country..." would help chronologically.

    2. obsessed

      obsessed is a strong word, it works but if you use this word I as a reader would want you to elaborate further on how he was obsessed with it (versus perhaps fascinated, for example)

    1. Flanner’s lifelong career began

      possibly rephrase along the lines of "Flanner began what would be her lifelong career as the Paris correspondent for The New Yorker", etc.

    2. her novel The Cubical City (1926) had received poor reviews.

      perhaps include some context as to why the poor reviews of Flanner's book led her to be cold toward Mina Loy. Without any details it leaves the reader sort of confused.

    3. discovered lesbian desire together

      This wording is very, very awkward; perhaps the two "lived as lesbians together" (were they out in Paris or not? This may be a pertinent detail to include).

    4. who Janet left Rehm for

      "for whom Janet left Rehm" - also, while we're on this annotation, I wanted to point out it may be wise to stick to either "Janet" or "Flanner" when writing the biography, just to be consistent. I would go with "Flanner" but ultimately it's up to you.

    1. a1=(a1⋅e1)e1a2=(a2⋅e1)e1+(a2⋅e2)e2a3=(a3⋅e1)e1+(a3⋅e2)e2+(a3⋅e3)e3⋮an=(an⋅e1)e1+(an⋅e2)e2+⋯+(an⋅en−1)en−1.(7.5)\begin{aligned} a_1 &= (a_1\cdot e_1) e_1\\ a_2 &= (a_2\cdot e_1) e_1 + (a_2\cdot e_2) e_2\\ a_3 &= (a_3\cdot e_1) e_1 + (a_3\cdot e_2)e_2 + (a_3\cdot e_3) e_3\\ &\vdots\\ a_n &= (a_n\cdot e_1) e_1 + (a_n\cdot e_2) e_2 + \cdots + (a_n\cdot e_{n-1}) e_{n-1}. \end{aligned}\tag{7.5}a1​a2​a3​an​​=(a1​⋅e1​)e1​=(a2​⋅e1​)e1​+(a2​⋅e2​)e2​=(a3​⋅e1​)e1​+(a3​⋅e2​)e2​+(a3​⋅e3​)e3​⋮=(an​⋅e1​)e1​+(an​⋅e2​)e2​+⋯+(an​⋅en−1​)en−1​.​

      Skal det ikke være an=(ane1)e1+(ane2)e2+...+(an*en)en

    1. A bond in which the electronegativity of B (χB) is greater than the electronegativity of A (χA), for example, is indicated with the partial negative charge on the more electronegative atom: lesselectronegativeAδ+−moreelectronegativeBδ−(8.4.1)(8.4.1)lesselectronegativemoreelectronegativeA−Bδ+δ− \begin{matrix} _{less\; electronegative}&  & _{more\; electronegative}\\   A\; \;  &-& B\; \; \; \; \\  ^{\delta ^{+}} & & ^{\delta ^{-}} \end{matrix} \tag{8.4.1} ​

      This doesn't necessarily mean that the atoms themselves are positive or negative, right? This is only related to their electronegativity (0-4)? So, A could be X=2.2 and B could be X=2.4 and A would be positive because it has a lower electronegativity?

    1. Despite Buñuel’s comradery among Parisian Surrealists, extreme rightists often scrutinized his work. At the premiere of L’Âge d’Or on December 3, 1930, a group of rightist youths attacked the Parisian theatre and police mandated that the film be banned in Paris (Buñuel).

      With what specifically did they take issue in Bunuel's film?

    1. A new batch of apps that allow users to create hidden graffiti using AR raises an important question about who is legally allowed to “tag” a place.

      So basically all the discussions we have had within Hypothesis about rights to write over web pages will be had, but this time applied to the real world.

    1. The bio has a lot of great information, especially on Mina Loy. However, you could use some reorganization. There is information at the end that belongs earlier in the biography, and it's hard to see the focus and structure of the biography. You have a really great start here, and I can see that you've done a fair amount of research!

    2. She said that his canvas, “Expectation” haunted her as there was speculation of an affair between the two.

      You already talked about Expectation. Why is this so late in the bio?

    3. As Oelze dealt with starvation he was uncomfortable in his own body and therefore it is reflected in his art such as in “In one of the Fallowing Years” which, “depicts a female colossus staring at the viewer, small homunculus apparitions covering her body.”

      This seems out of place. Revise this sentence

    4. Their relationship is discussed when talking about his mental illnesses including semi-starvation, poverty, and isolation.

      Their relationship or his mental state? Confusing

    5. Loy wrote her daughter a description of Richard’s famous painting as a “gigantic back of a commonplace woman looking at the sky,” which shows that Loy had a different perception of this art than Oelze, who focused on all the people in the painting rather than solely the woman.

      Connect this back to the painting in the novel

    6. which shows that Loy had a different perception of this art than Oelze, who focused on all the people in the painting rather than solely the woman.

      I would separate the sentence here.

    7. In the novel, Jones reacts anxiously to one of Insel’s painting, one similar to Oelze’s “Expectation,” and then ships it to the United States, just as Loy shipped Oelze’s painting to the U.S

      I would revise this sentence

    8. character’s enactment of an embodied, unstable, and automatically conditioned subjectivity.”

      explain this quote after you use it. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here

    9. The pessimistic tenor of Oelze’s art represented his deep psychological issues that caused him to live a very isolated life after the war in Posteholz.

      I think that they show and express rather than represent.

    1. The landscapes of his early work indicate remnants of Impressionism, notably in “My Mother’s Garden” (1905) and “Corsican Village at Sunset” (1905) (Leger & Schmalenbach, 10). Nearing World War I, however, he found the melodiousness of Impressionism irreconcilable with the tumultuous times, so he experimented with Picasso and Braque’s Cubism. His tendency to break figures into tubular shapes earned his work the nickname “tubism”. In 1909, his work was shown in Paris galleries alongside Duchamp, Brancusi, and Picabia. Léger advocated for embracing the modern era. In a 1914 lecture entitled “Contemporary Achievements in Painting”, he likened the sharp contrast in his paintings to that between billboards and landscapes. Léger’s paintings explore unity of Impressionist-style sceneries with modern technology. Léger served in World War I until he was injured in 1917. This exposed Leger to a variety of modern technologies that began appearing in his work; in a 1922 letter, Leger wrote that he enjoys painting “forms necessitated by modern industry”, such as a furnace or machine gun (De Francia 41). Famously referring to modernity as “a life of fragments” (De Francia 46), Léger replicated disintegration with the fragmented posters, stairs, and dummies in his painting, “La Ville” (1919). In 1926, Leger produced the film Ballet mecanique, a non-narrative film that explores the simultaneous disunity and unity of the modern industrial era, through portrayal of machines at work. He stated in 1913 that modernity must “accept as its means of expression an art of dynamic divisionism” (Turvey 39) and look for classical ideals of nature and beauty within the fabrication of technology.

      I would be careful to not just list his major works, but to talk about trends in his work, or in his life. Right now, parts of this read like a list of his major works. I suggest being careful with this, and using the works as examples, rather than the focus. That way it will be the works in context of his life, rather than the other way around.

    2. The landscapes of his early work indicate remnants of Impressionism, notably in “My Mother’s Garden” (1905) and “Corsican Village at Sunset” (1905) (Leger & Schmalenbach, 10). Nearing World War I, however, he found the melodiousness of Impressionism irreconcilable with the tumultuous times, so he experimented with Picasso and Braque’s Cubism. His tendency to break figures into tubular shapes earned his work the nickname “tubism”. In 1909, his work was shown in Paris galleries alongside Duchamp, Brancusi, and Picabia.

      Good details!

    3. From an early age, Leger was attracted to media in various forms. After apprenticing in an architect’s office, he moved to Paris in 1900, where he studied privately under two professors at Ecole des Beaux-Arts

      Where was he born? Did he grow up in a family?

    4. Léger’s legacy has not been confined to Paris; the Manhattan Museum of Modern Art has exhibited his work five times, most recently in 1998. Leger’s work maintains relevance for ushering in the modern era, uniting traditional styles with industrialization and experimentation.

      I would expand more on his legacy. What is he remembered for? If his style is a focus, consider moving some of the earlier details here to add more to this.

    5. During the 1930s, Léger visited several countries to give lectures, including Berlin, the United States, and London. In 1945, he joined the French Communist Party. In 1955, he was awarded the Grand Prize at the Sao Paulo Bienal. He died in 1955.

      I would consider revising these sentences. Up to this point you've included both simple and complex sentences, and this paragraph has simple sentences.

    6. The works of Loy and Léger were often considered in the same circles. They moved to Paris three years apart and shared acquaintances like Picasso and Picabia. They reportedly met on at least one occasion at a Paris dinner party for notable figures in the art community (Burke). Julien Levy, a friend of both, filmed Loy and Leger for an experimental film series on artists at work.

      I think you can definitely expand this paragraph. This is one of the most important pieces of the biography, so you should consider adding more details an information into this.

    7. Fernand Léger was a notable French artist and filmmaker during the first half of the twentieth century. A Cubist painter, Leger is known for bold colors and geometric shapes, particularly those portraying modern machinery. Later in life, Leger created experimental films, including the well-known Ballet Mecanique (1926).

      Great start to the biography! Looks fantastic

    1. Looks great!! No grammar issues, no big problems. You use a lot of semi colons to connect together sentences, maybe think about removing some of them just because you have a lot of very long sentences. But it's up to you!

    2. The Modernist Era was distinguishable for its incestuous artistic circle of authors, painters, musicians, and the like, but few artists were born into the circle as Ford Madox Ford was in December of 1873—the son of Francis Hueffer, a German music critic, and Catherine Madox Brown, an English painter, pianist, and model; thus much of Ford’s literary success unarguably stemmed from his upbringing.

      Maybe break this sentence up, it's a little long

    1. Fraser’s work in poetry has received much recognition. Her honors and awards include the New School’s Frank O’Hara Poetry Prize (1964) and the American Academy’s Discovery Award (1964), as well as a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts (1971, 1978) and a Guggenheim Fellowship (1981). Working with primarily small press publications, Fraser has published more than fifteen books, including mixed-genre collections, a chapbook of collaged wall pieces, and an essay collection.   Her published works include twelve volumes of poems and two children’s books: What I Want (1974), New Shoes (1978), Magritte Series (1977), Each Next: narratives (1980), Something (even human voices) in the foreground, a lake (1984), Notes Preceding Trust (1987), when new time folds up (1993), WING (1995), il cuore : the heart—Selected Poems 1970–1995 (1997), Translating the Unspeakable (2000), and Discrete Categories Forced into Coupling (2004).   Fraser now splits her time between San Francisco and Rome where she lives with her husband, the philosopher/playwright Arthur Bierman. She lectures and gives readings at a number of Italian universities and has translated Lampi e acqua, a book-length serial poem by Maria Obino (excerpts published in AVEC), and a selection of poems by Toni Maraini, Daniela Attanasi, Sara Zanghi and Giovanna Sandri (published in Thirteenth Moon, “Italian Women Writers” issue).  

      Although I think this information is fascinating, I'd consider cutting this to meet the word count simply because this info would be more crucial if the project were about her and not Loy.

    2. Fraser is inspired by Mina Loy, as well as other modernist women writers, questioning why the poetics of female voices and experiences have been marginalized and excluded from academic research and public realms. In an effort to recover the voices of American-women writers, Fraser, from 1983-1991, published, edited, and contributed to magazines entitled, HOW(ever), and later, HOW2. These magazines focus on innovative writing by contemporary women poets and writers and those culturally-abandoned texts by Anglo/American modernist women writers. Now online, these recovered collections include pieces from many contemporary authors (Rachel Blau DuPlessis, Denise Levertov), who bring to the forefront the importance of these absent modernist women’s voices in contemporary literature and culture.

      Really well-phrased!

    1. But as Dodge shaped her life in New York with increasing independence, she formed an image of herself distinct from those of the artists who attended her salon. In 1913, she proposed the idea for and helped organize the Patterson Strike Pageant. That year Dodge also promoted the Armory Show, where Stein’s poem, “Portrait of Mabel Dodge at Villa Curonia,” first appeared. After the Armory show, Gertrude Stein finally won recognition in America, and everyone in New York asked who Mabel Dodge was. People looked at her, not just at her guests.[6] In 1915, Dodge and journalist John Reed, who she met while organizing the Patterson Strike Pageant, became engaged. When Reed traveled to cover the Great War, Dodge met and began an affair with Maurice Sterne and lived with him in Croton-on-Hudson, New York. When Reed returned, Dodge offered him a bedroom and a writing studio. The three lived together for a few days until Reed moved out, ending his relationship with Dodge. She married Sterne in August 1917, and as she entered her third marriage, she adjusted her feminism: “For the mature woman, there is no father,” she wrote. “There is no master. There is only herself, free and alone.”[7] Dodge and Sterne spent most of their marriage apart, traveling between New York City and Croton at different times until, briefly after their honeymoon, Dodge eventually sent Sterne to New Mexico for fear that he was looking at other women. In November of 1917, Sterne called Dodge to meet him out west: “Dearest girl—Do you want an object in life? Save the Indians, their art—their culture—reveal it to the world!”[8] When they divorced in 1922, Sterne returned to the east coast, leaving Dodge in Taos, New Mexico. In 1923, she married Antonio (Tony) Luhan, a Native American who courted her before her divorce from Sterne.

      I feel like these are all saying something about her character; when you shorten your bio, perhaps these could be included in one brief, single paragraph

    2. As social entanglements, her presence at the center of the artists’ lives, and her boredom with Edwin took a toll on Dodge, she had a string of affairs and attempted suicide twice.

      This is a lot of important information shoved into one sentence; maybe revise.

    3. Dodge made her début in Buffalo and, after attending an Episcopal girls school in Buffalo, another in New York City, and a finishing school in Washington, D.C., she married Karl Evans at age 21.

      Take a second look at this sentence; you should revise this.

    4. Victorian, emotionally reserved and socially elite parents,

      Okay. I would maybe revise this to: "Born in Buffalo, NY in 1879 to emotionally reserved and socially elite Victorian parents"...otherwise, it sounds like he was born in 1879 to Victorian era.

    5. Mabel Dodge hosted three modernist salons—in Florence, New York City, and Taos, New Mexico—presiding over her guests as a friend and an intellectual provocateur. After standing at the center of these three salons, Dodge turned to memoir, forming the life she curated into her own art.

      What is this? A bio? Places she met Loy? I was under the assumption each section was to first include the summary info-- place of birth, date of birth, place of death, etc.

    1. Their social and artistic values kept them circling around each other in so many historical pages that it’s difficult to believe their relationship didn’t go beyond a mere photograph.

      Revise

    2. Breton wrote to him so much exhorting him to move to Paris and join the fight there, that by the time Tzara arrived, he was treated like some sort of savior.

      Revise

    3. All of these are people Loy would have known, or at the very least known of, and would have been in some form of contact with.

      consider using a semicolon prior to this sentence

    1. 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      Talking about how 10% has unployment rate and decline is housing prices

  4. Oct 2017
    1. You biography looks great! You are about 250 words over word count, so I would suggest looking at some places which you can condense and remove some of the material. One example of this is some of the quotes you use. Another example is when you're taking about Nicholls' argument. I also think that you need to move Nicholls' argument to a paragraph or two earlier. I would suggest to not end on Nicholls' argument, but rather the ambiguous nature of their relationship. You really want to end on fact instead of another critic's opinion.

    2. interactions

      Use a new word here. You say interaction in the previous sentence, so if you want to say interactions here, change interaction to relationship

    3. Yet, the frequency, nature, and depth of Pound’s interaction with Mina Loy remains ambiguous.

      This is an additional reason why I would be hesitant to quote Nicholls' argument as fact. Their relationship remains ambiguous. So while you can describe Nicholls' perspective and hypothesis, it remains a hypothesis.

    4. Peters

      Say Nicholls instead of Peters. His first name is Peter. Also, here, you will want to say "Peter Nicholls," using his full name the first time you refer to him.

    5. Finally, and most surprisingly, Peters notes the marked similarities in word choice and vocabulary between Pound’s Hugh Selwyn Mauberley and Loy’s work as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      Why I hesitate to take this as true is because Pound came before Loy. So you really need to qualify what you're saying because Nicholls has honestly a pretty controversial, and arguable, opinion.

    6. as hints that Pound truly admired–and perhaps at times even strove to emulate–Loy’s abstract, emotionless writing style.

      You need a citation or a quote here, something to actually prove what you're saying. Also, it's Nicholls' (not Peters'). Peter is the first name so you'll want to use his last name when referring to him. The first time you will want to use both his first and last name.

      The other thing, is that it's Nicholls' hypothesis. This isn't a proved fact, and you need to express it as Nicholls' opinion, his hypothesis, etc. not as a proved fact.

    7. erse?”

      You need one more sentence here to explain what point you're trying to make, to unpack these two examples of their interaction. What explicitly are you trying to say?

    8. points to the contrary

      I don't think this is what you want to be saying here. Pound admired and complimented Loy, but he still remains eminent in literary thought. Loy has a rise in appreciation currently, but their relationship does not actually point to the contrary. Pound was a critic of hers, not the other way around.

    9. Pound famously coined the term logopoiea–defined as “a dance of the intelligence among words and ideas and modification of ideas and characters”–to describe Loy’s writing.

      I would place the definition in a separate sentence. You already have a colon in this sentence so there are too many ideas in one sentence

    10. Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer).

      I'm actually not sure if you need to quote Wilmer here. You frame your entire biography through the eyes of Loy, so to quote other authors seems to be unnecessary. I would either have Pound's biography as separate from Loy's perception of Pound, or I would remove this quote.

    11. Pound remains a divisive figure today. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace. Loy recalled that Pound “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.” Wilmer states that Pound is frequently misunderstood: “If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted” (Wimer). Following his institutionalization,, Pound returned to Venice and stopped writing. He died in Venice on November 1, 1972. His legacy is vast; Pound is widely considered the father of imagism and recognized for his work in both the imagist and modernist sphere

      You say "Pound remains a divisive figure today" in this paragraph, looking generally at Pound's legacy, but then insert where he died following his institutionalization. I would move the two sentences on his move to Venice and subsequent death to earlier, before you begin to look at his legacy. That way the ideas will connect

    12. If Pound is obscure, it is largely because of his wide frame of reference; he was also an educator, who used poetry to introduce his readers to works and ideas he had discovered for himself. It is hardly his fault that his syllabus has never been adopted”

      I'm not sure if you actually need this entire quote here. You highlight Wilmer's expression of Pound as misunderstood, but the quote addresses a lot more than just that. So I would cut out the second sentence, if not more of the quote.

    13. “was like a child, and an old professor at the same time” and that he “was a sensitive man who didn’t think other people were sensitive.

      maybe remove "and that he 'was'" and instead add "..." so that the quote is one long quote. Up to you, but it's a little awkward the way it is.

    14. His brilliance as a poet, translator, and thinker are countered by his anti-American rhetoric and association with fascism, resulting in his imprisonment and fall from grace.

      perhaps change the end of this sentence to "countered by his anti-American rhetoric, association with fascism, and imprisonment." The sentence as you have it doesn't clearly express the point you're making, which is "his brilliance in... is countered by..."

    15. He became an anti-war advocate, making several hundred broadcasts airing his political stances, many of which were anti-semitic and pro-fascism, in addition to explicitly critical of the United States’ war effort.

      Run on sentence, too many ideas in one sentence

    16. In Paris, Pound developed a relationship with the young Ernest Hemingway, wrote an opera (which Mina Loy attended), and collaborated with T.S. Eliot in the editing of the latter’s famous poem “The Waste Land.”

      You have a lot of information in this sentence. I suggest 1. Including the dates he was in Paris, 2. List out these in terms of accomplishments. I.e., "Pound accomplished..." or "While in Paris, Pound was in connection two three major poets of the century..." somehow to frame how these are presented. There's a connection between them, so why not pull that out and make it stronger?